Destination: Passport with Keith Berd and Damon Product

Figures from Keith and Damon's past threaten to get revenge. Also, listener mail. 

This week, Keith and Damon welcome Star (Nicholle Harris) to the agency. She's recently had a falling out with her circus family and really needs to get away, possibly because the "circus family" is actually a cult. "It's Keith and Damon Time!"

This week's client is Terry Clothrobe (Cody Sanders), a successful professional karaoke singer with higher aspirations. Keith and Damon do not want to put him on the spot, but they DO want to send him on the vacation of a lifetime. Why? Because it's their dang jobs!

This week, Keith and Damon meet Barbara Walters (Rach Angard), a toddler soccer coach who wants to get away from the toddler soccer grind and get into knitting. Can the travel fellas tailor the perfect vacation for her? Yes!

This week's client is Gregory Del Gowski (Jabari Keyes) a Warner Brothers security guard whose wife recently left him for both his doctor and his boss. He wants a human experience that could potentially allow him to enter his wife's new polyamorous relationship. Keith and Damon are on the case!

SEASON 3 PREMIERE! Keith and Damon are rested, relaxed, and ready to send more people on the vacations of their dreams. This week, they meet pet store owner Bryans Turtles (John Patrick Coan). Bryans needs to get away from the grind of running a business for a little while, but he definitely wants to come back and not die at any point during the vacation. Can Keith and Damon find a spot that both complies with his religion and accommodates his unique blood temperature? You simply must listen to find out!

Keith and Damon take a few questions from listener. Also new season starts October 19, just FYI. 

SEASON FINALE! Keith and Damon answer some listener questions before taking a well-deserved self-care break.

This week, Keith and Damon welcome Damon's former co-captor, muscleman and human lock Thurman Carr (Josh Doolittle), to the studio. He's never even heard of the word "vacation" because he spent his childhood as a famous musclebaby and has spent his adulthood as a muscular gig worker who wishes he could be a baby again. Time for Berd Product Travel Agency to stimulate this poor fella's life!

Damon is out of the shed and the boys are back in the studio! This week, they meet Benny Plope (Dan Burger), the last milkman. He's been very busy driving around the country at delivering glasses of milk to his twenty remaining clients and he could really use a vacation. Berd Product Travel Agency: Activate!

Damon's still stuck in Tom's shed, but thankfully Keith was able to sneak him a laptop so they can record a quick ep. #GetDamonOutOfTheShed 

Keith and Damon welcome this week's client Maybelline Newyork (Jonah Cooper), a back-of-house accountant at a family-oriented Italian fast casual restaurant. She wants to get away to a beach without too much sand, but WITH plenty of Ferris wheels and kissing. Berd Product Travel Agency is on the case!

This week, Keith and Damon meet Jeanette Neuchin (Alissa Ahlberg), a recent empty nester from Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Her normal husband, Tom, is gifting her a nice solo vacation. It's up to Keith and Damon to find a trip that offers both wholesome Christian fun and nudie dancing.

This week's client is Don Denke (Charles Mustaklem), a year-round fireworks store employee and extremely minor local celebrity. He wants to take his wife, Donna, and his two adopted army brats, J.J. and Julia, on a family vacation that ticks all of their respective boxes. Time for Keith and Damon to work their magic!

This week, Keith and Damon sit down with Doug Rifers (Duncan Young), a skateboarding-obsessed Best Buy employee who lives with elderly roommates who are technically his parents. Can our heroes find a vacation destination without any sunshine, people, loneliness, or skateboarding? Ya never know!

This week's client is Steve Vpofsales (AJ Campli), a lawn mower from Brooklyn who specializes in large memorial lawns. He didn't realize he was entering a travel agency, but now that he's here, he's legally obligated to pay for a vacation. Can Keith and Damon help him take a break from his nine children and relax? Yes. Will they remember to check the input on the recording so that the audio sounds good? You'll have to listen to find out!!!

Keith and Damon meet Kyle Brown (Kyle Brown) who introduces them to Knuckles-36 (Kyle Brown), a SoundCloud rapper who's on the run from the feds. Can they help him get somewhere dark, cold, secret, and far away from the government? Or are things not quite as normal as they seem??

This week's client is P. Peter Peanut-Brittle (Luke Null), and he's a man on a mission. He's in love with his pen pal, Vivica, and he needs to get to Germany within 19 hours so he can stop her from marrying his rival. Sounds like a job for the best travel agents on Earth (Keith and Damon)!

This week, the travel boyz take on Rodney Terman, a mall curator with a dream to one day be a museum curator at the Lurve in Paris, Texas. He wants to go somewhere tropical, away from his family, where he'll be surrounded by funny art. Easy work for Keith and Damon, unless of course they decide to hate Rodney's ass!

This week, Keith and Damon's client is Carl Baggins (Connor Schuck), a real human being who manages a Wawa in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. He loves his job, but he could still really use a break. Also, cannot stress this enough: he's a real guy.  

Keith and Damon welcome award-winning neighbor Darla Smith (Melissa Schenter) to the pod to discuss what it means to be a good neighbor and watch viral video clips of her being one. After five straight years of taking the top prize at the Neighbor Awards, Darla just wants a chance to relax and have other people be good neighbors to HER for a change. Time for the boys/men of Berd Product Travel Agency to do their "thang!" 

This week, Keith and Damon meet Chester Winchester III (Danny Loecken), a member of the British Royal Family who doesn't need to get away but would like to see the world through a poor person's eyes. Will they rise to the challenge and accomplish one of their biggest goals for the travel agency? Or will they be promptly executed by Chester's servant, Reginald? Put on some tea and press play to find out!

This week's client is Andy Pampers (Jamison Webb), a Hollywood publicist who specializes in award campaigns. Over the years, his special brand of ethical bribery has resulted in Oscar gold for Million Dollar Baby, Crash, and Bohemian Rhapsody. But now he wants to win the best award of all: a hard-earned vacation. Will Keith and Damon come up with the perfect trip to help him get away from the glitz and glamor of tinseltown for a while?

SEASON 2 PREMIERE! The boys are back in town and excited to give more clients the vacations of their dreams! This week's client is Julian Marquis (Corey Martin), a successful home inspector who just wants to get away. Specifically, he'd like to get away from his girlfriend and her parents, who really, REALLY want him to get down to his high school wrestling weight. Can Keith and Damon help Julian find the peace that eludes him in his day-to-day life?

Keith and Damon hop on a Zoom call with Marcus MacArthurson VII (Cody Sanders), a bisexual gator farmer in an open marriage. His farm provides gator leather for all the hottest and most historic fashion brands, which means he's got plenty of cash to spend on the vacation of his dreams. Can Berd Product Travel Agency create a trip that strikes the right balance between fun, sexual freedom, and establishing a viable succession plan for his gator business?

This week's client is pizza restauranteur Cole Oysters (Waleed Mansour), who needs to get out of town fast. Unrelatedly, Cole's childhood rival was murdered in cold blood at the laser tag arena they used to frequent. He dishes with Keith and Damon on how he would have committed the murder if he had done it, explains the theme of his pizza restaurant, and gives us the inside scoop on how he lost his eye. Sounds like it's finally time for Mr. Oysters to have the time of his life!

Keith and Damon's client this week is a farmer named Cletus Rodgers (Pierce Fair). He recently discovered the internet and also that his wife was cheating on him via the internet. Now he's a divorced farmer who's just trying to use his new smart phone, find a new woman, and work up the courage to venture beyond the farm and the farmers market. Can Berd Product Travel Agency get this poor fella out of his comfort zone and into The Travel Zone? Probably!!

This week, Keith and Damon meet Kayla McMallistarn (Madeline Evans), a 12-year-old who is tall for her age and definitely not a ghost. She wants to plan a big vacation/party for her upcoming 13th birthday, which is going to happen, due to her being alive and not a ghost. Will this non-ghostly middle schooler end up having the time of her life, which is absolutely still happening? Or will there be a series of shocking twists and revelations unlike anything Berd Product Travel Agency has ever seen? You'll have to listen to find out!

This week's client is Carly Kelly (Rachel Baldwin), a duck boat driver and tour guide from the Wisconsin Dells. She wants to get away from vacationland and go on her own vacation in the real world. Keith and Damon ask her about important stuff like miniature golf, the Root Beer Museum, and her estranged family in order to come up with the perfect travel package. So give it a listen, why dontcha??

Keith and Damon are joined by pro wrestling referee Dan Marino (Josh Nicols) and life of the party Marty Partinski (Nick Armstrong), two platonic roommates looking for a fun getaway. They aren't allowed to drive any type of car and are directly responsible for multiple premature retirements by legendary athletes. Time to give them the time of their lives!

Retired pizza contest winner Pamela Ass (Steph Cook) doesn't just want to get away, she wants to change her entire reality. Her famous British cartoonist husband recently left her and Pizza Hut doesn't even have a buffet anymore. It's up to Keith and Damon to find a destination that lacks British people, pizzas, and cartoonists. Sounds impossible, right? WRONG! Nothing is impossible for Berd Product Travel Agency!!

This week, Keith and Damon meet Colin Opulance (Adal Rifai), a Wisconsin cranberry farmer who wants to get away AND win his wife back from Kevin Costner. He's got strange tattoos, stranger bathing habits, and a tendency to get beaten up by professional baseball players. But if anyone can help this guy rekindle a lost love while having the time of his life, it's gotta be Keith and Damon of Berd Product Travel Agency!

Keith and Damon welcome Colonel Brandon Taint (Kevin Turner), a retired military man who wants to get a New Year's Kiss before he has to un-retire again. He's got a pension, a huge mustache, and two jokes. Now he just needs to get away to a place where he can strut his stuff— without having too much fun, of course!

Professor Jimi Carter (AJ Campli) teaches Homeschooling at Ithaca University, but now he wants to be anywhere BUT home! He would like to go somewhere warm where he can get away from the politics of academia and the commodification of whiteboard art. It's up to Keith and Damon to mint the perfect vacation for Prof. Carter!

Gingerbread house architect Jeannie McQueen (Melissa Schenter) has been so dedicated to perfecting her craft, she's never taken the time to go on vacation. Basketball halftime show performances and sleeping with gingerbread in airtight plastic wrap can really take a lot out of you! Thankfully, Keith and Damon are here to help this brilliant artist have the time of her life!

Self-made professional skateboarder Dale Mommydaddy (Freddy Boyd) wants to get away from the ghosts that have haunted him since he left his previous job, which was decidedly not professional skateboarding. In fact, he may be in the market for a permanent vacation from the seedy underbelly of Underground Boston. Can he outrun his past in order to have the time of his new life? Not without Keith and Damon's expert help, he sure as shit can't!!!

High school health and P.E. teacher Mary Lou Fleischhacker (Hannah Aslesen) is a big risk-taker who has never left her home state of Minnesota. Keith and Damon talk to her about her two friends, her masturbation habits, and her fledgling entertainment career as they try to determine the right vacation for her. She may have made some questionable investments in the past, but this one is sure to pay dividends. After all, what's more profitable than having the time of your life??

Unlike many clients at Berd Product Travel Agency, Rae Ducet-Funk (Dan White) does NOT want to get away from his stepson. In fact, he wants to get away WITH his stepson! Rae's been dealing with a contentious divorce, the fallout from his controversial cameo in Avengers: Endgame, and a terrifying pasta dinner, when all he really wants to do is get to know Neal. Keith and Damon have the perfect solution: a vacation! 

Repeatedly failed business owner Sandra Tartarsauce (Maggie Winters) just dumped her boyfriend. Plus, everyone in her town hates her. PLUS, she can't even get a glass of Chardonnay because of her big rolling incident at the town bar! Sounds like she might want to... get away? Certainly everyone in her town would like her to do that! Let's see if Keith and Damon have what it takes to give this poor reviled woman the vacation of her dreams. Or rather, let's HEAR!

Omaha resident Casey Gallagher (Colleen Murphy) has never traveled anywhere - not even other parts of Omaha. Is there a perfectly innocent explanation for this? No! Keith and Damon must dig deeper into Casey's increasingly disturbing life in order to find the perfect vacation to help her get away— ideally forever!

Professional assassin Douglas Michael Stewart (Chris Longfield-Smth) wants to be there for his lovely wife and wonderful son, but work obligations keep him from being the best husband and father he can be. He's been all over the world, but always for business, never for pleasure. Could a vacation provide the pause he needs to recharge and possibly pivot to a new career? Keith and Damon hope to put "a bullet" (fun) in his "head" (life) with a "big gun" (trip of a lifetime)!!!

Small business owner and professional internet bully Kevin Funt (Jason Wenger) is stressed about work. Specifically, he's worried that some of the tweens he's bullied for work are going to find him and beat him up. Sounds like someone who needs to get away! Keith and Damon talk to Kevin about the bullying biz, read some confusing samples of his work, and learn about his exercise routine, all in the pursuit of giving him the TIME of his LIFE!