Detox Podcast
By Denise Walker
Detox PodcastDec 02, 2019
Ep. 2.12 Bunny
Is it addiction or is it internalized capitalism? Denise shares how when she got sober, she shifted from making art just for her to monetizing every aspect of her life. Productivity, self-worth, time, energy... it's all part of the structure. She lists a bunch of ways to notice internalized capitalism within you and offers ways to cope with it.
Show Notes: Learn to Read Tarot Workshops and Club Steady: www.cityandsoul.ca/workshops
Ep. 2.11 Us
Ep. 2.10 Sheep/Sleep
Ep. 2.9 Transformation
Ep. 2.8 Adopted
Ep. 2.7 The Hardware Grill
Ep. 2.6 Heart to Heart
Ep. 2.5 Mimi
Denise interviews Nutritionist Mimi Rose who specializes in food for recovery. Visit her blog here: www.recoverybitesblog.com. Register for my Learn To Read Tarot Workshop (on April 27, 2021) here: www.cityandsoul.ca/workshops and use code TAROT at checkout to get 40% off! Sign up for my email list here: www.denisewalkerspeaks.com
BONUS EP. Your Heart in a Vault
Ep. 2.4 Flower
Ep. 2.3 Metamorphic
Welcome to the dark side of spiritual awakenings. Denise asks the question, "When does spirituality stop helping and start hindering?" Denise talks about reprogramming her brain in recovery in a way that at first was very beneficial but eventually left her in a mental space rife with spiritual bypassing.
Ep. 2.2 Hip Sobriety
What is Unconditional Positive Regard? Denise describes interpersonal experiences from her time in Hip Sobriety School and how Unconditional Positive Regard was and is such an integral piece in supporting others in recovery.
Ep. 2.1 Susie
What do Cults, Abusive Relationships, and Addiction all have in common? Welcome to the first episode of season 2 of Detox Podcast! Denise explores a cyclical model of recovery vs the idea that healing is linear and provides tips on how to create a safe place to land after addiction.
Show Notes:
Conspirituality Podcast: www.conspirituality.net
She Recovers: https://www.facebook.com/groups/SHERECOVERSTogether
I mention Ashtanga yoga in this episode. While I couldn't find a written account of the painful physical practice, here is an article written by Matthew Remski regarding the abhorrent misconduct within Ashtanga yoga: https://matthewremski.com/wordpress/tag/ashtanga/
Episode 73: Al-kuhl
Are drunk words sober thoughts? In this episode, Denise speaks about the "bad" things we do while intoxicated, the cognitive dissonance these things produce, and how to reconcile your "negative" actions with the good person you really are.
Episode 72: Worship (FULL MOON)
Episode 71: Wendy
Episode 70: Venti&Shades
Content Warning: Self-harm. We talk about self-destructive behaviours, where they come from, why we do them, & the concept that we do them "just for the attention".
Episode 69: Hawrelak Park Ampitheatre
Cravings & what to do about them.
Episode 68: Paper Thin
In this episode, Denise talks about people-pleasing, boundaries, and carrying shit that isn't ours.
Episode 67: British Columbia in Mid-July
Denise recounts devastating forest fires in British Columbia & Alberta as a segue into the global trauma that is COVID-19. She talks about personal & collective grief as well as survival.
Episode 66: Brain Fog
In this episode, Denise talks about the frustrations of Brain Fog while in active addiction. She relives how toxic alcohol was to not only her body & mind but also to her relationships.
Episode 65: Drinking Again
What it feels like to drink after being sober for a time & what to do if you've started drinking again.
Episode 64: Mind Fuck
I share my experience with the mind fuck that is deciding to drink again. Namely, all the bullshit that went through my head as I was about to head to a Mexican All-Inclusive resort when I was only 3 months sober. Even though I knew that drinking again would leave me in a state close to death, the pull to still do it was impossibly strong.
Full Moon
Episode 63: It Takes A Village
We all have good days and bad days, but what if the bad days were actually the best days? What if everything good came from the times we completely shattered into a million pieces? In this episode, I explore all the deeper meanings of "bad days" and "good days".
Episode 62: Cliff's Edge
Scared of the looming holiday season? Me too. In sobriety, we constantly have to choose our new life over our old drinking life. Liquor-laced events pop up all the time and threaten to pull us back into our partying ways. In this episode, I explore how we can keep our eyes on healing and self-care instead of succumbing to dangerous "obligations" or "temptations".
Episode 61: Queen
I talk about the first taste of freedom from nightly craving and how amazing it felt. However, craving wasn't done with me. I had spoken too soon & celebrated too soon. Like all things, recovery is not linear. Like all things, recovery comes with cycles. Once we lean into the death & rebirth of this process, we will find peace within the madness.
Transformation Meditation
Episode Sixty: Numb
Episode Fifty-Nine: The Things I Never Told You
I tell the story of a water bottle filled with gin, how I lied about it, and how I am so grateful to be free of deceptions like that
Episode 58: Dear Bourbon,
Alcohol is an abusive lover that tricks you into remaining trapped. It talks down to you, instills fear, makes you loathe yourself. In this episode, I talk about the moment before freedom and how things seem to get harder right before we walk through the door to the other side of addiction.
Episode 57: Shatter
Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome is a bitch but it is also a scared experience - a right of passage in recovery that teaches us to care incredibly deeply for ourselves.
Episode 56: Solo Travel
I tell the story of my first solo AND sober vacation to Phoenix, Arizona when I was only 2 months sober. I share how a hike of the West Fork Trail in Sedona was the ultimate pilgrimage of soul & how I let it be the final resting place of the old, addicted me.
Episode 55: Groundhoggin'
In the poem, 'Groundhoggin'', I ask, "is this all life has in store for me?" Every day felt the same like I was reliving the same day over and over again. Drink all night, sooth a hangover all day. I never prepared my food for work, amongst other neglects, leading to a devaluation of myself. I was my last priority. In this episode I talk about how to break free of Groundhog Day.
Episode 54: F*ck You, I'm a Warrior
Cravings are the things that keep us in the addiction cycle. They are the single most challenging part of breaking free. So, when you do, bask in the overwhelming sense of accomplishment and ask for the next mountain to head your way.
Episode 53: Flashback Friday
Today is the worst day of your life. Now, Imagine waking up late with no clean clothes and no time to eat. You are not prepared to take on this horrible, anxiety inducing date. Everything seems to be working against you. So what do you do?
Episode 52: Sensory Deprivation
"Awareness is like fire, and fire purifies." - Dr. Richard Miller.
The psyche feels fragile in early recovery, so fragile that the sound of a mere air-conditioner is enough to shatter it. In this episode, I describe feeling stuck in this state & I reflect on how quickly "stuck-ness" turns into growth.
Episode 51: Baby
I used to do everything in my power to avoid being called a 'cry baby' or 'too sensitive'. In recovery, I have learned to embrace my feelings and use them to my benefit. I talk about how the word 'overreact' is lost on me and how to dive deep into our reactivity for personal growth.
Episode 50: Recovery
After years of drinking, it was as if the bottles of gin had exploded and embedded jagged glass in my organs. In this episode I talk about how recovery begins when we remove the shrapnel. The process is painful but we must be diligent. We must celebrate each piece as it is removed.
Episode 49: Blue Heaven
I used to have a crippling fear of flying which I routinely tried to "solve" by drinking throughout my airport/airplane experience. Here is my list of 17 ways to manage your fear of flying without the booze.
Episode 48: Vor í Vaglaskógi
In this episode, I explore my poem named after a song by Icelandic band Kaleo. The time surrounding this poem was an emotional one where I was fighting the pull to escape either into total bliss or total destruction. Inevitably the only option was to stay in uncomfortable limbo between the two.
Episode 47: Insomnia
What do Chernobyl & airplane crashes have to do with sobriety? Hint: Rock bottom is bullshit. In addition to that not-so-sweet relationship, I talk about feeling out of control and how to tell when that feeling is beneficial and when it is detrimental to your highest good.
Episode 46: True North
'True North' is about using discomfort as a compass rather than an exit strategy. In this episode, I talk about loneliness and how we can shift our perspective of it to better serve us. I share my journey of learning to welcome myself home after years of vacancy.
Episode 45: Introversion
A lot of us on this journey are caregivers & have a hard time turning that part of ourselves towards ourselves. I talk about selfishness in recovery and how it is not synonymous with "badness". Through my poem, 'Introversion', I talk about the importance of choosing to direct most of your energy towards yourself in order to give yourself much needed attention that has possibly been lacking for a long time.
Episode 44: Irritation
My poem, 'Irritation', is all about dealing with mood swings in early recovery. In this episode, I explore how unpredictable irritation can be and how difficult it can be to dispel. I talk about how Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome is a dangerous but vital part of the recovery process and I provide some tools for dissipating feelings of frustration.
Detox Podcast Episode 43: Here & Now
In this episode, I talk about the importance of recognising when we are harbouring pain and how impactful telling one person about it can be. I speak about finding clarity, my struggle with using cannabis, and how to use meditation to gain space & perspective.
Detox Podcast Episode 42: Responsible
I dive into my poem, 'Responsible', to explore the fine line between helping and hindering when it comes to being a good friend. As I healed, I learned amazing tools and strategies that worked extremely well for me. The trouble is, I loved MY way so much, I began pushing it on others. In this episode, I talk about learning to stay in my lane as well as how to provide loving support without trying to single-handedly solve everyone's problems.
Detox Podcast Episode 41: Sat Nam
In this episode, I take you through my poem 'Sat Nam' by exploring themes of anger, transition, & expansion. 'Sat Nam' means 'True Identity' and that is the essence of this poem—during moments of clarity I could see how my true self was being uncovered.
Detox Podcast Episode 40: Beam
In this episode, I explore my poem 'Beam' by sharing stories about incredible joy. I relive moments of uncontrollable bliss in unsuspecting places and discuss how lucky I am to get to experience this addiction to recovery journey.
Detox Podcast Episode 39: Goodnight, City Lights
In this episode, I explore the pull to hear the experiences of others when I myself felt emotionally disconnected. I talk about the relationship between empathy and self-control and the science behind it. I share my experience with empathy and how it wasn't until I was sober that I realized how susceptible I am to the energy of others.