Family Home Evening with Bad Mormons
By Mandi & Charlotte
Family Home Evening with Bad MormonsApr 25, 2022
Fernet, Tequila, & Tattoos
Aaaaaaaaand we're back! The Mormon church has publicly come out in support of legislation that protects same-sex marriage (WHAT?!), we mourn the death of Twitter, and we dig way back into the vault of 2 days ago for a story about how we had 17 martinis and several shots of liquor each and made some magic happen with our good friends from WA.
Our day jobs are super demanding at this moment in time and after 121 episodes, we are changing up our cadence to bi-weekly episode releases and suspending our Patreon account until we can give you the quality entertainment you've come to expect from Bad Mormon Corporate headquarters. Thank you so much for your support over the years, WE LOVE YOU INTERNET (except Ted Cruz... fuck that guy).
Yeezy Come Yeezy Go
We are here to spread the gospel of our new church (House Of Blues), Mormon blessings, and share some laughs at the expense of the artist formerly known as Kanye West. DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!!!
CONTENT WARNING: This week's episode contains some graphic and tasteless conversations about early-term miscarriage. If this is upsetting to you we suggest skipping this episode.
Beef Wellington To Beef Bologna
Charlotte, Cortney, and Mandi stuff ourselves in the closet of a BNB in LA with the trashiest comfort foods we can find, hit up Universal Studios Hollywood Horror Nights, and spend an evening of costumes and cocktails at The Magic Castle. We also share our fitness tips for those who want peak performance from their body's blood alcohol tolerance for the Sunday NFL Seahawks vs. Chargers game at SoFi stadium.
Costumes Required
Mandi reviews the local playhouse production of "Little Shop Of Horrors", we get stoked for our upcoming reservation at the Magic Castle in Hollywood, we try to make sense of Republican voters, and Charlotte and Mandi get kitchen tattoos in a less-than-sanitary college house.
V. I. Peeing Ourselves
We're OBSESSED with Andor and having fun with Dragons. MTG asks for privacy so we'll give her the same respect she gave David Hogg, the teen she bullied after he survived a school shooting. Mormon Corporate Headquarters has officially sanctioned tattoos and making out, and we enjoy a Pixies concert at the House Of Blues in Anaheim, CA.
Snickers
Tiffany, Charlotte, and Mandi discuss the relevance of modern medicine, we dive into our collective PTSD uncovered by the new Netflix series "Sins of our Mother" about a Mormon woman who is brainwashed into a cult and (SPOILER) a lot of people are murdered, and we make Tiff the most jealous she's ever been because we went to the Corey Feldman show without her.
In Loving Memory: ❤️Johnny Rainbow and Dr. Love Wisdom🌈
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Nutbucket
We survived Sin City yet again, but not without seeing Tommy Lee's balls. Omega Mart and Area 15 do not disappoint, we miss a golden opportunity for quality podcasting, and Ron DeSantis and pals LITERALLY human traffic men, women, and children across state lines to Martha's Vineyard in a political stunt to "Own The Libs". MAGA people are garbage... change our minds.
The Modern Lights
Sister Tiphphany joins us this week for a little light-hearted fun and a whole lotta rage. We have a new favorite Twitter follow, Jason Selvig, we bask in the glory of Richard Ayoade, and we finally get T-train's review of "Prey" the Predator prequel on Hulu. We also try to remember the events of that fateful night when T-stroyer survived the great puddle stomping of... some year we might as well call 1999.
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Cautiously Optimistic
This week we take some notes from Shane Snow on how to have a productive debate, Mandi has an existential crisis, and we dip a toe into cautious optimism about the future of humanity. Did we ever tell you about that time Perry Farell played a show at Nordstrom in San Francisco?
The Luckiest Punks At Lucky 13
It's been a delightful week in politics. Rudy Giuliani is on the verge of an indictment regarding his involvement with election interference in Georgia. Donald Trump was issued a no-knock warrant and several boxes of evidence were seized (no passports as the former guy claims). There's some super shady stuff happening at corporate Mormon headquarters. Charlotte confiscates fake IDs while Mandi gets lucky in the city by the bay.
Teenage Tattoos!
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In The Beginning
Cheers to 110 episodes! Mandi gets a tattoo machine, Charlotte gets excited for our Dad to visit, and we tell a tale that starts in New Orleans at Mardi Gras, throws in an alcohol-fueled cruise ship adventure, and ends with a brand new baby podcast.
Tales From The Tiki Bar - Pt. 2
Tales From The Tiki Bar
We recorded this episode at the hottest Tiki Bar west of the Mississippi! This was a super fun one as we play Mormon Corner catch-up with our long-time friend Michael. You are gonna want to hear about our movie recommendations, why Republicans and Democrats can both suck it, and you definitely don't want to miss this new perspective on an old favorite story.
*Apologies for the audio it's a little static-y for the first 5 minutes
The D-O-Double-G
It's a major SUNDAY VIBE kinda show! If you enjoy mostly coherent champagne-fueled stories about Monkeypox, Mormon MomTok, romantic fantasies involving Paulie Walnuts, and the story of that time our sister sold weed to Snoop Dogg... you've found your new favorite podcast!
Holy Hell Hotel
The coolest of shit: Stranger Things, The Secret Lives Of Pets, Magical Mornings! The fucker-est of this motherfucker: The SCOTUS stripping away our rights... again and again, right before our eyes. Charlotte attends an event in Monterey, CA, and in an attempt to do good and pay it forward, is scammed by a grifter.
Life Begins At Conception...
...and ends with an AR-15. We dive into the crimes against humanity enabled by the most corrupt supreme court in America's history. We share tips and tricks on staying safe during a protest and what to do if you're arrested. With the passing of a childhood friend, we reminisce on simple happy memories and try to remember that life is too short to waste your time and energy pleading reason onto deaf ears. Do good, be kind, and stand up for those who need help.
If you're considering donating money, skip the politicians and check out:
https://abortionfunds.org/
https://www.plannedparenthoodaction.org/rightfully-ours/bans-off-our-bodies
You Can't Buy Cigarettes, The Baby Needs Diapers!
A parable: Covid has intruded on our Father's Day family reunion in the motherland. Charlotte finds sweet deals. Tiffany plays white trash for our entertainment. Mandi recalls an all-access pass to a show in Hawaii thanks to an old friend from Logan.
Beaver Taco
As the pioneers before us, we travel through Utah to the land of Zion. Unlike the pioneers, we encounter a horrifying little food stop that is not fit for human consumption. A group of racist militia is detained in the back of a Uhaul truck in Idaho on their way to a pride parade in Coeur d'Alene. Mandi teaches Charlotte about the Aryan Nations and we attend a Founders Day celebration in a tiny farm town.
Pro Life Reborn
Ex-Born Again Christian and former Pro-Life abortion clinic protester Susan joins us to share her story of growth and transformation along the journey of life... where we realize nothing is absolute and every human has more than one facet that informs their story. We also talk shit on the new 'Top Gun Maverick' movie.
Adventures On Freemont Street
This week in the darkest timeline, we learn about 'The God Makers', we are loving Under The Banner Of Heaven and Brené Brown's podcast 'Unlocking Us'. We're pretty underwhelmed by the new series of Stranger Things and Obi-Wan Kenobi. Question, why is it so easy to buy an AR-15 in America? Throwback to that time Charlotte got a sculpture of her face made on a trip to Vegas.
You've Been Hit By The Clock Bandit
Everyone can relax because The Kids In The Hall are back with a new series on Amazon Prime! Arika joins us on our 100th episode as Mandi digs up some racist old Mormon children's videos we watched in church; We spend way too much time watching the Depp v Heard trial when we should be paying attention to the Supreme Court, and we reminisce on simpler times as teens in the early 90's.
Keep Your Enemies Close; Keep HR Closer
It's been a fun week of Breakfast with the Beatles, a Mormon mansion, a Renaissance Faire, a Paul McCartney show, and Star Wars Nite at Disneyland! We are looking forward to voting against Todd Spitzer as the DA in Orange County, CA, and (while we are on the topic of excrement) giving you a review of the new emergency mini toilets we got in the mail today! Also, we figured this was a good time to tell you about the worst manager ever to hold the title.
Kickstart My Heart
Kneel Before JisLord
We had a ton of fun watching our friends make a movie, MTG causes #Satan to trend on twitter, the President lands some zingers at the White House Correspondents' Dinner, and the New York Times investigates Tucker Carlson's show finding it "the most racist show in the history of cable news'. Our friend Matt gets pranked on Craigslist and Mandi's dream crush crashes his car straight into her heart.
V.I.P. ness
Sorrowful Empty Womb
Aaaaaaaaand we're back! From disposable urinals to California cops using copyrighted music to avoid accountability to the Hunky Jesus contest in Dolores Park... there's some cool shit and some bullshit in this world. We're doing our best to find balance. Grab a glass of champagne and come join us!
Forcemeat
Our Friends James, Bree, and Az join us from down under for some laughs and a trip down memory lane! We force James onto the Mormon Trail, compare politics in our two countries, remember the good old days of trying to avoid a drunken brawl at a Sir Mix-a-Lot show and reminisce about the glory days of Satanic Panic.
The Battle Of Seattle
Toybox wine, new tattoos, and trap music for kids set the scene for this 11th-hour recording! MTG is truly terrible at every single thing she does (even bullying people), Will Smith brazenly assaults Chris Rock, on stage, in front of the whole world during the Academy Awards, and we share the latest trends and our hottest tips on what to do if you are tear-gassed by the police or pepper-sprayed by a greaser gang!
Not My Wine Hand!!!
This week we offer our condolences to Mandi's wine hand, and a parable worthy of a bird sanctuary participation trophy.
Stupidly Awesome
Charlotte, Mandi, and special guest Mysterious Molly get silly and attempt to entertain after a long day of drinking in the sun. We introduce Molly to the Mormon Trail, learn more about evil in human form, Madison Cawthorn, and share a few memorable trips to Baja...inspired by many shots of tequila.
The Return Of Swallows Day!
You're invited to join us as we learn about Utah's mysterious Kays Cross, get pumped for Swallow's Day, and obsess over platform shoes. Ricky Schroder is fighting for his right to prioritize his comfort over the life of anyone else, civilians in Ukraine are fighting back against Russian soldiers and Florida introduces the "Don't Say Gay" bill (probably for attention). We turn to the comedy greats for some laughs and fun memories during these frustrating and depressing times.
Gattaca!
We're back! Just when you think it's safe to be cautiously optimistic about the re-opening of the world... innocent people in Kyiv are getting bombs dropped in their city and there's a very real threat of a nuclear attack. Russian soldiers are using Tinder to hook up with women in the country they've invaded and are getting catfished for intel. We demand an apology from George Bush for "Citizens United" and share stories of an illegal beach camping trip in Hawaii and a sea turtle rescue mission in Mexico.
Bang Away
Sippin' on wine, tackling our feelings for James Gunn, and wondering if avoiding prosecution for inherent racism is really behind Tesla's big move out of California... that's what we're bringing to the internet in this week's episode! Don't worry, we absolutely did some stupid shit in our youth and are drunk enough to tell you about it. Again.
It's Like Getting Bitten By A Zombie
We share a SPOILER filled review of The Book Of Boba Fett, discuss the benefits of being vaccinated in modern society, and spin yarns of puppies, rich folks, banana slugs, and our favorite adopted parents who welcomed a bunch of degenerates to share a taste of the good life in the Pacific Northwest.
Sex Crime Super Villain: Matt Gaetz
We dish the goods on our current favorite show binges, make ear love to our Patrons, and finally nail down a solid plan for our New Religion; along with developing artwork and our first commandment... thou shalt embrace concert karma. But this week's real fun lies in sharing our discovery (late, we know) of just how fundamentally vile a person Matt Gaetz actually is.
The Flavor Of Steve Bannon's As5hole
Your favorite classy lassies drink chardonnay from a bowl and captivate with classics like, "MTG Gets A New Name:" "Would You Rather: GQP Edition" and of course the inspiring title of this episode. We also tell drunk stories and embarrass ourselves repeatedly for your entertainment.
Asian "Iceman" Top Gun Dentist
Well... we caught the Omicron (luckily we are vaxxed and it's fairly mild) and 'Schitt's Creek' is on binge. Charlotte explains the rules over at the NHL. We check in on the folks investigating the attempted coup at the US capitol this time last year, we willfully mispronounce the "Koch Brothers" and their secret dark money empire, and we dig up some funnies for your listening pleasure.
Three Girls Five Buttholes
Charlotte, Mandi, and Cortney travel to AZ to cheer on the Seahawks as they take on the Cardinals in their home stadium. We learn that Satan controls the water, Ted Cruz and Tucker Carlson get in a fight on Fox Entertainment Network, Liz Cheney once again proves that Republicans can be decent human beings (while MTG repeatedly proves the opposite). We tell stories of road trips, piercings, being molested by TSA, all while the words "balls" and "buttholes" are spoken a combined total of 1,285 times. Enjoy!
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Backstreets Back Alright!
The LDS church owns BILLIONS in stock equity, MTG has been permanently banned from Twitter. The assistant police chief in Kent, WA has been suspended for being an outright racist. Mandi assists Tiffany in fulfilling her destiny as a key member of the Backstreet Boys ultimate superfan street team and becomes a fan herself.
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Trump Takes The Bait
Religion continues to be super weird. In the purest form of karmic retribution, Alex Jones is in the news asking for "family privacy". Anti-vaxxer and Qanon worshipper MTG's portfolio is found to be largely funded with vaccine manufacturer stocks. Joe Biden owns Donald Trump in a genius move that further splinters his base. Llano county Texas is actually the tiny town from "Footloose". We continue our saga of adolescent tales of alcohol, vomit, and a memorable trip to the Old Country Buffet.
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Evil Has A Face
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Chutes and Blink 182
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The Foxboro Hot Tubs Live @ The Stork Club
It's been a tough week. Joel Osteen reminds us why we should be taxing churches. Lauren Boebert is more awful than we thought. Madison Cawthorn spouts backwoods old-timey revival nonsense on the house floor. MTG needs a juice box and a nap. Republicans continue to love their guns more than their kids. Mandi and Charlotte caution against the dangers of putting yourself in Satan's reach by drinking alcohol and going to shows.
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Meet The Boeberts
Our new favorite hashtag #ETTD leads us down a satisfying path to the Cyber Ninjas. We've heard just about enough hateful shit-talk from US Representative Lauren Boebert this week to last a lifetime and it seems the rest of the country is with us. Back in Spencer ID, Mandi finally answers the question "can a train suck you under?". Young Charlotte is paid a visit from the sheriff.
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LOOK AT MY ASS! Don't Look At My Ass
It's a beautiful Sunday in a world that is increasingly ugly. Listen in for a spoiler-free review of "Ghostbusters: Afterlife", and spend an hour with us as we deliberate how to begin the process of actual progress as a civilization, despite the fact that people will always have differing opinions. Charlotte overcomes a bully who tried to destroy her business. Mandi outwits a terrible landlord.
Justice Butt-Chugging Kavanaugh
We cozy up with comfort food from 'The Mormon Trail'... sorry 'The Major Victory For Satan Trail'. We ask for help from the internet to make violence-inciting racist Steve Bannon's Wikipedia page a little less glorified and a little more accurate. The trial for the men accused of murdering Ahmaud Arbery ON CAMERA in broad daylight is off to an unacceptable start. The trial for Kyle Rittenhouse is underway and is also incredibly infuriating and problematic. Grunge girls on LSD meet drunken country loggers during a 2am Denny's adventure. Teenage Charlotte gets her first taste of standing up to "The Man"
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Booty Bumps
Death By Video Game
We share some hot tips on our new favorite podcast, a smoother re-entry to Disneyland, and what it's supposed to be like at a Mormon dance. David Trent, one of the super-spreaders of Qanon conspiracy theories like Frazzledrip and Pizzagate turns out to be (SURPRISE) a convicted child molester. Don Trump Jr. somehow manages to reach a new low. The Kyle Rittenhouse trial is off to a bad start. Fox News streaming service is airing ACTUAL NAZI WHITE SUPREMACY PROPAGANDA (billed as a documentary) with Tucker Carlson. Shout out to the Hawaii ENLIGHTENED Ingress team... and the game that inspired some very bad decisions.
Little Cesar's Hot Car Lot
In yet another example of conservatives only caring about people before they become people... A woman in Oklahoma is sentenced by a jury to four years in prison for having a miscarriage. Matt Gaetz is in big trouble. Charlotte ditches Wall Street for Bitcoin, Mandi ditches her paycheck for a bet on a football game. We give you the deets on Omega Mart Las Vegas (no spoilers) and our Executive Genius Creative Director reminds us of that time that Mandi made a REALLY BAD DECISION involving a couple of super-shady mechanics/pizza dudes.