Frankly, My Dear

On International Women’s Day, I explored the topic of birth control - what options are available, why discretion is a valued trait for companies that offer them, and the barriers that prevent women in our communities from using contraceptives; the social, cultural and even religious reasons. 

Birth control that’s discreet, affordable and convenient - that’s the promise of Dear Doc, a judgement-free platform that specialises in women’s healthcare, founded by Shruti, my guest for this episode. In partnership with Dear Doc | dear-doc.com | @deardoc.sg 

Talking about sex makes me uncomfortable. So it made perfect sense to have Noorin on the show, who talks about nothing but sex on her platform, Shy & Curious, which aims to empower other women to own their sexuality and discover the joys and pleasure of sexual intimacy.

Look, we can have differing views on sex. But the truth is, women ARE having sex, whether after marriage or before, with one partner or many. So if you are curious to learn more about sex toys, how to communicate with your sexual partner, or just learn to be more comfortable discovering your own body, this episode is for you.

Born and raised in Myanmar, Chit grew up in a military dictatorship. And it feels like it's happening again. On 1 February 2021, Myanmar's military seized power in a coup against an elected government, detaining State Counsellor Aung San Suu Kyi, President Win Myint and other senior officials. Chit, along with thousands other protestors, took to the streets and social media to tell the world #whatshappeninginMyanmar. 

She shares what it's really like to live in a country in political turmoil, where the internet is intermittently cut off to suppress voices, where the police and military have free reign to shoot demonstrators who break curfew, and activists are stolen from their homes in the middle of the night, unlawfully detained without trial or a warrant. The people of Myanmar are not done fighting for their country. This is Chit's story. 

In Part 2, the questions got tougher...from staying with someone after they cheat, men who still subscribe to gender roles, and what we’ve learned from our own epic fights with friends. A collaboration with Tiara from Teh Talk and Shida from ADOSSIER (both on Spotify!). I’m so happy to get to know other female podcasters doing fun, inspiring and amazing work.

A collaboration with Tiara from Teh Talk and Shida from ADOSSIER (both on Spotify!). A while back we got listeners to submit questions on love and friendship; in Part 1, we answered the age-old question of Where Do I Find Good Malay Men? Although to be honest...you ask us, we ask who?

I’ve been unemployed for 3 months. What started as a short break didn’t turn out so well. This is my story.

In Part 2, Ying, who worked as a lecturer on a cruise ship for 4 years, talks about overcoming racism, a misogynistic work culture, and even a brush with Somalian pirates. Feeling lonely and frustrated with the language barrier onboard the Italian cruise ship, she talks about what it takes to survive. A romantic entanglement with a handsome officer certainly doesn’t hurt.

Ying left her job in PR to backpack across Europe, determined to land a job on Costa Cruises, an Italian cruise line, teaching English to sailors, officers and the rest of the ship crew. In Part 1, she tells the incredible story of leaving her homeland Malaysia to get the dream job, even taking a bus to Italy just for the interview...but not everything is as it seems.

Basically...two Malay women met and talked about their love for Malay food. After emerging as a finalist on MasterChef Singapore, Shamsydar Ani is  cooking up a storm. I asked about her reality tv stardom, her thoughts on the infamous ‘Peranakan nasi lemak’, and whether our beloved local food can (or should) be gourmet. If food is meant to be affordable so everyone can enjoy it, are we doing it a disservice when we charge high prices for it?

Shamsydar’s also recently launched a cookbook, Spices & Lime, which celebrates Modern Southeast Asian recipes--made halal, of course. [This episode was recorded in September 2020]

You had questions, so I answered as many as I could. It's weird to be on the other side of the recording, with Khairil, my husband and creative partner, taking over as host (or 'facilitator, as he calls it). We talked about the name of this podcast, the struggles of launching it without being an influencer or celebrity, and why I started this show (clue? It has something to do with 3 men and misogyny). This was fun, but I'd very much like to go back to the interviewer seat, thank you very much.

If you’re expecting a serious conversation about cancer...this may not be it. I sat with Izyan and her sister, Ayn, and was surprised with how light-hearted and even funny this recording turned out to be. Izyan was diagnosed with Stage 4 Hodgkin’s lymphoma at just 33. Her road to recovery, while long, is paved with moments of poignancy, hope and even happiness.

We’ve lost loved ones to cancer, and it will always remain an illness that can physically, mentally and financially change the course of life...for those who survive it. But there are just some people who, like Izyan, are able to find a silver lining no matter what life throws at you. From shaving her head, to getting her bone marrow extracted, to the torturous rounds of chemotherapy. To my mother’s mother, the grandmother I never met: This one's for you.

Liyana Dhamirah was 22 when she found herself pregnant and living in a tent by the beach. There was no other place to go. After surviving that episode, she wrote a book, “Homeless”, an homage to the community who welcomed her, and a form of healing for herself. In 2020, driven by her personal experiences and the struggles she saw firsthand, she joined Red Dot United, a Singaporean political party, and contested in the General Elections. 

Liyana doesn’t stop working. Neither will she stop fighting for the disadvantaged or the displaced. In her story, you will find resilience, a desire to see the best in humanity and a burning, fiery passion that’s here to stay. I know I did.

Content warning: Rape, suicide. // This is the second part of a 2-part series. We never got to conclude the recording for Part 1. I'll explain why. I also approached Sarah again if she had any words to share with other sexual assault survivors. I then asked Alex, her lawyer-in-training boyfriend, for his perspective as a partner and advocate for Sarah. I hope this episode brings hope, strength and comfort to anyone who is listening. If you are a survivor of sexual assault, please seek assistance from the Sexual Assault Care Centre at Aware. If you are facing suicidal thoughts, please reach out to someone from Samaritans of Singapore (SOS). To all sexual assault survivors: We believe you, and we are here for you.

Content warning: Rape, suicide and alcohol abuse. // This is the first part of a 2-part series. 5 years ago, Sarah was raped by her best friend. It led to a series of events that involved alcohol abuse, a police report, a suicide attempt. It’s a hard story to hear. So imagine how hard it is to survive it, then to tell it so others know they are not alone. Please listen with care. If you are a survivor of sexual assault, please seek assistance from the Sexual Assault Care Centre at Aware. If you are facing suicidal thoughts, please reach out to someone from Samaritans of Singapore (SOS). To all sexual assault survivors: We believe you, and we are here for you.

Anna is a woman who has lived many lives. First as a flight attendant, then owner of Spatula Bakery, a local boutique known for their cupcakes and custom cakes. And soon, in a few weeks, the proud mother of an adopted baby. We talked about Singapore Airlines’ gruelling interview process, the supposedly haunted aircraft(!), and what it is like to single-handedly run an F&B business. Anna also shared with me what she and her husband went through to adopt a child in Singapore, and why pregnancy isn’t always the route to becoming a mother.

This is a love story about two women who met, fell in love, got married and had a baby. For Surya, who is Malay-Muslim, and Sharm, who is of Sri Lankan descent and was raised Buddhist, their life together as a same-sex couple feels...normal. There are dreams to achieve, a marriage to celebrate, and a life to build together. They tell me about their coming out story, what it was like to be rejected by their own families, the reconciliation after, and the joy, challenges and hope that came with the arrival of their daughter, Euna. It’s a story that needs to be told. Now all we need to do is listen.

If your favourite influencer was caught in a scandal, would you keep supporting them, or would you ‘cancel’ them? Dr Crystal Abidin, an anthropologist of internet culture, unpacks all the buzzwords we’ve been hearing lately; from cancelling influencers for making problematic statements, to the rise of SJWs, or minority influencers making a name for themselves. If you’re an influencer, follow one or want to be one, you need to listen to this episode.

Fahimah is a model and a speech therapist. She also wears the hijab, a head covering often worn by Muslim women. Are the expectations and challenges different? For sure. So is the dating app experience as a hijabi. We talk about double standards in the fashion world, what modesty means to her, and the responsibility she gladly takes on as a hijabi healthcare worker. 

Ela almost became an engineer. Then she fell in love with news reporting as an undergraduate. Ten years later, she sits down with me as we discuss her on ground experience covering the General Elections, how Singapore is managing communications on Covid-19, and minority representation in Singapore. We disagreed with each other, I wrestled with the fact that she made good points, and we concluded that it takes a special type of person to survive the mad world of journalism. This is her story.

You're new here! So am I. I can't wait to share with you stories about the women I've met. Stories told to inspire, to learn from, to celebrate life...in every shape and way. Here we go.