Divorce: What I Wish My Parents Knew

Tamar Burris is an author, divorce coach, and co-parenting concierge. Her tagline is, "co-parent without blame, shame, or games."

This episode is the FIRST OF ITS KIND! I interviewed a divorced couple, now remarried to others, along with their daughter. Julianna Smeltzer is the daughter, and I met her in college. I was always fascinated by the way she talked about her family. She would say, "My Moms and Dads are coming to watch me perform!" I thought to myself... what? Their blended family seemed too healthy to be real! I couldn't believe it. Listen in and hear how this couple, Geoff Comstock and Dana Comstock-Benzick, decided to choose what was best for their kids and their relationship post-divorce.

Topics we discuss:

• How they decided to have a close co-parenting relationship
• Advice they have for parents trying to co-parent well
• Julianna gives input on what the experience was like growing up with stepparents and parents all supporting her

Subscribe/Follow the podcast to keep up with all future episodes! If you got something out of it, please let me know by leaving a review.

Share with others who need this hope and advice!

Hi everyone! Welcome to Season 2 of this podcast. I can't believe we are here. Thank you for your continued support♥️

In this episode I interview Wendy Sloane. She is a mom of two and hosts her own divorce podcast. Her divorce process was long and full of being dragged back to court for financial issues. In this episode she reads a two different letters that her daughter and her daughter's friend wrote about how they feel about divorce.

Topics we discuss:

• Court drama
• How to let the kids figure out their own opinions of their parents
• How to get through it as a parent, and what you should surround yourself with
• Two letters are read from children of divorce

Where to find Wendy:

In this episode I got to interview my first Dad on the show, Rob Roseman! Rob is the creator of WTF Divorce - a hilarious page made to engage those quickly with the topic of divorce as they scroll. Rob divorced in 2020... CRAZY RIGHT?!?! He talks about what it was like getting divorced during that time, his relationship with his co-parent, and how he's learned to step up as a dad. Rob also talks about his heart behind creating WTF Divorce, as he wanted other men to have a place to find help on how to parent and date and be a human after divorce.

Topics That Are Discussed:

• Divorcing during COVID
• How Dads can step up as parents post-divorce
• How to allow the Dad to figure it out
• Parents don't have it all figured out!
• The gap in resources for men that want to be present Dads after divorce
• The creation of WTF Divorce

Connect with Rob!

In this episode Alyssen tells us what finding out about her mom's second divorce was like. This was a bigger deal since Alyssen grew up with her mom and stepdad. Her parents got divorced when she was too young to remember. We discuss what it's like when you lose a stepdad to divorce and how to navigate that relationship post divorce. We also talk about how poorly the divorce was communicated to Alyssen and how she wanted more answers and more communication! There is much more but you will have to listen to find out all of the details of what Alyssen wishes her parents knew.

Subscribe/Follow the podcast to keep up with all future episodes! If you got something out of it, please let me know by leaving a review.

Share with others who need this hope and advice!

In this episode we hear from my anonymous friend, "Jim". Jim thought about his episode a lot and gives us five major things that divorce entails. These five things are things that parents need to consider their kid's interest in. Those five being:

1. The initial conversation
2. The move out process
3. What he calls "inevitable fall out" that happens with your kids
4. Making your child act as the middle man
5. Dating after divorce

After all of these five, we talk about how he came to recognize his parents as humans. The more he looked back at his family tree, the more he saw generational patterns of divorce and addiction. These made him have more compassion for his parents, understanding that they are only giving what they know.

Subscribe/Follow the podcast to keep up with all future episodes! If you got something out of it, please let me know by leaving a review.

Share with others who need this hope and advice!

I was very honored to interview the exEXPERTS: Jessica Klingbaum and T.H. Irwin this week. Their stories are wild! They have been best friends since college and their exes were best friends; however, their individual divorces could not be more different. With Jessica having kids at ages two and four and T.H. with a four, six, and eight-year-old at the time of the divorce, they know a thing or two. Listen in as we discuss what parenting through divorce was like for them, and how their kids received the new change.

This episode covers:

• Having the "talk" with your kids
• The stigma around telling people you're divorced
• Why it's important to talk to your kids about how they are doing with the divorce throughout their life
• How to advise your older kids on how to deal with their narcissistic parent
• and much more!

Where to find the exEXPERTS:

In this episode, Camille walks us through how she found out about her parent's divorce at age 16 and how it created a barrier between her and her dad. Now she and her dad Marco Polo each other almost every day. How did it happen? Listen in as she explains the transformation of accepting her father as human, and letting him in her life again. Very proud of Camille, and I cannot believe the steps she has taken as such a young child of divorce.

This episode covers teen children of divorce, sharing adult content with kids too early, forgiveness, bonus families, and more.

Subscribe/Follow the podcast to keep up with all future episodes! If you got something out of it, please let me know by leaving a review.

Share with others who need this hope and advice!

Mother, Coparent, Cancer Survivor, and Entrepreneur. These are the descriptors that just scratch the surface when talking about my guest Sara Olsher. She is the creator of Mighty & Bright Co. This company provides magnetic calendars with magnetic options to fill your week with. This idea came to Sara when she put her daughter in counseling after she and her husband divorced. The counselor explained to Sara how crucial visual schedules are for children's development and for reducing anxiety levels. Sara also explains her passion for writing about hard things and translating them into kid language. Through her divorce, and battling breast cancer she became one who was very acquainted with hard things. This woman is full of passion, hope, and courage. Her calendars are a lifesaver! I can't wait for you to hear her story, and what Mighty & Bright Co. is all about.

Divorce and Children, created by Christina McGhee is one of the most comprehensive resources for parents. I was honored to interview the founder, Christina, in this episode. She is a child of divorce herself and also a bonus mom! She and I speak about the importance of language when speaking about divorce. For example, "step-mom" can easily be replaced with "bonus mom". She also shares what pillars are needed for children after divorce, why discipline is still important, and also acknowledges just how hard all of this can be. The empathy and understanding that Christina carries for parents is what makes her such a great teacher. She also got to share about her book and the incredible new film series, Split. I hope you enjoy this conversation that I had with Christina McGhee as much as I did.

In this episode, Harrison "Red" Rankin brings us into the last year of his life. Back in February of 2022, Red found out his parents were separating. Red is 25 years old, yet he is a child of divorce. We are lucky to hear Red's story after such a new change for him and his family. He speaks about how his role as a son has changed with his mother. He talks about how many young men realize the ways they are like their fathers. We chat about what it's like being an adult child of divorce and how looking back at his childhood, he saw some signs pointing toward divorce. Red truly is a self-aware man, and I was so fortunate to hear his story. I hope you enjoy it!

Subscribe/Follow the podcast to keep up with all future episodes! If you received something from it, please let me know by leaving a review.

Share with others who need this hope and advice!

In this episode, Fiona Kong shares what it's been like co-parenting after parting ways with her former partner. They have a now 6-year-old son, Emile who was two when they split. Fiona was sad to be missing out on her child's life half the time. It was hard to find out what he and his dad did together since he was only two years young. So, she bought a journal from the dollar store and asked if her co-parent could fill it in with things they did together. Fast forward a bit and now she has created a whole journal for split families to use together. It contains a calendar, journal prompts, memory keepers, and more!

Beyond sharing her journal, she shares what the split has been like for her and her son. We discuss how divorce affected Emile and how he tried to keep track of when he was with each parent. We also spoke about her own journey and how she had to seek healing from her own family of origin and the beauty of forgiveness.

Home Sweet Homes Website: https://home-sweet-homes-journal.myshopify.com/ 

In this episode, I interview 34-year-old, Katherine Randolph. She speaks about what it was like growing up as the oldest sibling. Divorce has impacted her in ways that she still exemplifies today, like being on time. Katherine's parents were very protective of THEIR time with her and her sister. She could not be late. Katherine had to have a super-efficient map planned out in her head of how to leave mom's house well to not offend her while also making it to dad's house on time. This stress put a lot of stress on her. She also experienced "Parentification". She was her mother's emotional stabilizer. We even hear Katherine read a journal entry from the 4th grade of her stating that what makes her happy, is when mommy's happy. 

As much as I just described the negative effects, she also explains what her parents did well. Such as, not speaking poorly about the other parent, providing her with a fun childhood, and meeting her financial and physical needs. 

Subscribe/Follow the podcast to keep up with all future episodes! If you enjoyed it, please let me know by leaving a review.

Share with others who need this hope and advice!

In this episode, Dr. James and his wife Ginger share about their resource: "The Family Core". Both of them had been divorced and had children before meeting one another. Blending a family is always hard but for them, faith was a huge component of how they found healing and hope. We talk about their experience of being a blended family, what they see their kids go through, and how they came up with the idea of "The Family Core". The Family Core is an app to help parents co-parent through healthy communication and organization. It has four pillars it can assist families with: secure chat, secure document storage, shared family calendars, and geo-locations for both Androids and iPhones. 

In this episode, 23-year-old JJ Zykan explains what her childhood was like as a child of divorce. We talk about mom and dad swapping houses, bad therapy, watching her mom enter into a toxic relationship for her second marriage, and how we need different parents at different times of our lives. Overall, JJ is grateful for the divorce. It allowed her family to be fully free and not walk on eggshells around each other. There was less fighting and anxiety within the home. While JJ is not an advocate for divorce, she recognizes it was the healthiest move for her family. This podcast is jammed packed with nuggets of wisdom. So, grab a notebook and pen, and lean in as you hear JJ's story.

Subscribe/Follow the podcast to keep up with all future episodes! If you enjoyed it, please let me know by leaving a review.

Share with others who need this hope and advice!

Isabel had to grow up fast. She is the oldest of six kids, two of which have disabilities. Her relationship with her mom has always been difficult to navigate. However, her dad has been a safe haven for her, giving her space when needed. Buckle up as we tackle narcissistic moms, abusive step-parents, switching houses midweek, and the power of giving kids their space. 

Subscribe/Follow the podcast to keep up with all future episodes! If you enjoyed it, please let me know by leaving a review.

Share with others who need this hope and advice!

We're back with the sibling duo, Grant and Haley! If you haven't listened to part one, do so now!! In this episode, we talk about what their parents did well with split custody. We also discuss what research says is best, practicals for going from house to house, and resources for you. I loved this conversation and I am so honored to have interviewed these two. Enjoy this gift!

Subscribe/Follow the podcast to keep up with all future episodes! If you enjoyed it, please let me know by leaving a review.

Share with others who need this hope and advice!

This episode is SPICY! We talk about parents dating, triangulation in family relationships, and more. I've never interviewed siblings before. Grant and Haley were such a treat to have on. Not only are they vulnerable but they are well educated in family systems. Haley is currently studying to be a marriage and family counselor due to her experience as a child of divorce. We talked so much that we had to split the episode into two! So here is part one of my conversation with siblings, Haley and Grant Hawkins. 

Subscribe/Follow the podcast to keep up with all future episodes! If you enjoyed it, please let me know by leaving a review.

Share with others who need this hope and advice!

Toyin was graduating high school and found out her parents were getting a divorce on the same day. It was a day of wild change for her. In this episode, she explains going through her parent's divorce as an 18-year-old. Through therapy, Toyin learned to draw healthy boundaries with her parents and learned how to heal from the divorce. Let Toyin tell you what her parents did well and what they could've done better. She is hilarious so get ready to laugh! 

Subscribe/Follow the podcast to keep up with all future episodes! If you enjoyed it, please let me know by leaving a review.

Share with others who need this hope and advice!

Hi listeners! Thanks for being here today. This episode I interview 23-year-old Trevor Brown. He breaks down what his divorce story was like and how he chose to push away his dad. However, his dad relentlessly pursued him and now he and his dad have a relationship. Listen in as Trevor shares wisdom on when it's the right time to talk about the reason behind the divorce, how to forgive, and how it's affected his life today. 

Subscribe/Follow the podcast to keep up with all future episodes! If you enjoyed it, please let me know by leaving a review.

Share with others who need this hope and advice!

Carlie's story is a wild, unique one. She has had upwards of six "parents". She has witnessed two divorces and went through it all under the age of 18. Despite her chaotic upbringing, Carlie's story is filled with hope. She explains what her mom did well, what her dad did well, and where they both could've grown. Divorce was a part of what brought healing to Carlie and her mom's relationship. Listen in to hear the wisdom from this remarkable woman.

Subscribe/Follow the podcast to keep up with all future episodes! If you enjoyed it, please let me know by leaving a review.

Share with others who need this hope and advice!

In this episode, David talks through what it was like having multiple custody mixups, finding out the reason behind the divorce, and feeling the pressure of making sure both mom and dad are okay. He also talks about what went RIGHT between his parents post-divorce. David is one of my closest friends and his optimism and the way he tells stories is so entertaining. So sit back, go on a drive, or wash your dishes as you listen to the wisdom of my good friend, David. 

Subscribe/Follow the podcast to keep up with all future episodes! If you enjoyed it, please let me know by leaving a review.

Share with others who need this hope and advice!

In this episode, Jordan spits some honest truths. From buying affection to people pleasing to managing time at both houses, Jordan covers it all! Her experience was unique in that her parents lived down the road from one another. She grew up knowing only divorce. Over time, Jordan took on the responsibility of making sure mom and dad were okay. She made sure to spend equal time with both and make sure they both felt seen and loved. This ended up taking a toll on Jordan's mental health and didn't allow her to make choices for her sake. Listen to this episode to hear how it all turned out.

Subscribe/Follow the podcast to keep up with all future episodes! If you enjoyed it, please let me know by leaving a review.

Share with others who need this hope and advice!

In this story, Lizzie shares how she grew up without a present dad. Her mom instilled strong independence within her and made sure she could protect herself. As Lizzie grew older, her mom started dating more and that was a weird reality for Lizzie. Listen in as she talks about the importance of community, open communication, and processing your feelings. 

Subscribe/Follow the podcast to keep up with all future episodes! If you enjoyed it, please let me know by leaving a review.

Share with others who need this hope and advice!

Divorce is MESSY! It's the worst! No one plans for it, and I'm sure you didn't either! I started this podcast to address the population that many forget is affected by this epidemic: the kids. I'm Grace Casper, a soon-to-be author who wrote a book from the kid's perspective. In this podcast series, I will interview children of divorce asking them what they wish their parents knew. You listening to this podcast already shows me you're concerned for your kid's journey through this. So take a deep breath and get ready to learn from the kids.

Subscribe/Follow the podcast to keep up with all future episodes! If you enjoyed it, please let me know by leaving a review.

Share with others who need this hope and advice!