Handful of Leaves | Mindfulness &amp; Buddhism in Everyday Life

Mar 07, 202351:59

Ep 23: How Our Parents Shape Our Romantic Relationships (Ft Sis May Liu, Therapist, Clinical Psychologist)

From Childhood to Romance: The influence of our parents' relationship on our love lives.

In this episode, we discuss how much we are influenced by the relationships modelled around us, understand different attachment styles, and find the root cause of our pain.

May, a senior psychologist also draws on her personal experiences and client stories to help us understand how our attachment wounds can manifest as relationship problems and how we can resolve them.

More about Sis May Liu:

May Liu, a practising clinical psychologist cum caregiver, who believes in empowering lives by connecting with people. She is a mindfulness practitioner who is passionate about bringing mindfulness to families and couples. She is currently leading Seremban Sudhamma Sunday Dhamma School’s teens and children in learning the Dhamma through group work and exposure to nature.

Transcript will be out on 24th Feb: https://bit.ly/3YUyTbk

Timestamps:

(00:00) Introductions

(03:46) Learning from relationships modelled around us

(07:35) Being aware of how it affects us

(11:03) Understanding our attachment wounds

(16:09) Being aware of the cause-and-effect

(20:11) Sense of expectation for reciprocity

(23:02) Contentment comes from understanding the nature of things

(24:45) Understanding the narrative behind our emotions

(29:14) Navigating different patterns of attachment

(31:58) Practical advice on building stronger relationships

Resources:

https://www.parallax.org/mindfulnessbell/article/flowers-in-the-dark/
Trauma and Beginning Anew: https://youtu.be/ljdsTSneYuY
Reconciliation by Thich Nhat Hanh: https://youtu.be/yka-3jPwX5M

Special thanks to our sponsors for this episode:

Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne

Get connected here:

https://kanecommunicate.com/

Feb 17, 202337:59

Ep 22: How to argue with your partner (the Buddhist way) (Ft Cynthia Kane)

After the death of her first love, all Cynthia wanted someone to take away all the hurt and pain. She realized, though, as she sat on her floor surrounded by tissues, that she would have to find a way to do it for herself. Through this search, she found that communication was key. If she wanted to change how she lived in the world she would have to change how she interacted with it, which meant changing how she talked with others and herself.

When she learned the elements of Right Speech in Buddhism she knew she'd found her way out of suffering,
yet she had no idea how actually to put the guidelines into practice, and so began her lifestyle experiment. And soon, the Kane Intentional Communication Practice was born. This practice has now been taught to more than 60k people and is changing marriages, work environments, family dynamics, friendships - lives. She also shares her work in her books:

Cynthia is offering a free mini-course to our listeners. It is called Communicate with Confidence: https://www.intentionalconversations.com/intentional-communication-challenge

Transcript: https://bit.ly/hol-pod22

TimeStamp

(00:00:00) Introductions

(00:00:53) Using Right Speech and Meditation to move out of suffering

(00:06:00) Changing the way we communicate with ourselves

(00:09:18) Common communication patterns that give rise to conflict with others

(00:13:08) Being firm but compassionate in our communication

(00:16:28) Understanding our core emotions

(00:20:49) How to argue without being too demanding?

(00:26:56) How do we communicate when we have hurt others?

(00:32:20) Communicating on bigger issues

(00:37:49) Meeting in the middle

(00:40:36) Ending a difficult conversation

(00:43:01) Guided meditation

More about Cynthia and her works:

https://cynthiakane.com/

Special thanks to our sponsors for this episode:

Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce

Get connected here:

Feb 09, 202347:50

Ep 21: How to deal with loneliness (Ft Teo Heng Soon)

We've all felt lonely at some point(s) if our lives. But why do we feel lonely? What's the opposite of loneliness? And is there a way to be alone but not feel lonely?

Find out more with our co-hosts Cheryl and Kai Xin as they chat with Heng Soon.

About the guest

Teo Heng Soon (known as Soon in short) is a final year student at the University of Melbourne studying towards his passion of becoming a human capital consultant. Passionate about people, he has been a leader with multiple volunteer organisations like the Dyslexic Association of Singapore.

Buddhist Fellowship Youth has been his Dhamma home for 12 years. Honing his leadership skills, he has learnt to give Dhamma talks and conduct workshops and sutta discussions.

On a personal level, Soon is passionate about the arts - from Karate to Photography.

Transcript here.

Timestamp:

(02:30): Going to the temple for the girls

(04:29): Fitting in to feel less alone

(05:55): Struggles with Dyslexia, Bullying

(09:46): What’s the link between loneliness and essentialism

(15:04): Everything is Dhamma

(15:16): Kai Xin’s interpretation of Loneliness

(22:45): Running away from Loneliness

(25:39): The persistent theme of identity - “What am I?”

(27:11): Being Alone is Not a Problem?

(30:28): Suffering still won’t go away even if you’re enlightened

(31:49): Letting go doesn’t mean you own nothing; but that nothing owns you.

(35:16): Finding stillness in Seclusion: Soon’s reflection on his 2-week ordination journey

(40:44): Tips to cope with loneliness: community, cognitive diffusion.

Helpline:

National Care Helpline: 1800-202-6868

SOS 24-hour Hotlines: 1800-221-4444

SOS 4-digit hotline: 1-767

Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019

Institute of Mental Health: 6389-2222 (24 hours)

Tinkle Friend:1800-274-4788 (for primary school-aged children)

Care Corner Counselling Centre (Mandarin): 1800-353-5800

Thank you to our sponsors for this episode:

Alvin Chan, Tan Jia Yee, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee hoon, Wilson Ng, Geraldine Tay, Ven You Guang.

Jan 11, 202344:35

Ep 20: Being laid off and the life after (Ft Livia, former employee @Meta)

Amidst market turmoil, a looming recession and the Russia Ukraine war, the number of global tech layoffs has been rising at an alarming rate. These layoffs are also hitting really close to home. Singaporean employees are getting axed from top tech companies such as Microsoft, Twitter and Meta. This year alone, we have already seen 850 tech companies laying off a total of 136,000 employees so far, and this number has been rising gradually across the months.

We speak to Livia Lee, an ex- Meta Diversity Programme Specialist, and is one of the 11,000 people who are impacted by the layoffs in Meta globally.

We will be speaking to her about her experience, what has she learned throughout this entire layoff journey, and how can others take care of themselves in an uncertain job climate. And of course, how can you be a helping hand to friends and others experiencing a tough situation like this.

Timestamps:

(3:11): No Layoff experience is pleasant

(5:37): 3 factors that affect how one experiences layoffs

(7:03): A little bit of human never hurts.

(8:53): Are you really grateful after being laid off?

(11:26): The silver lining in an en masse layoff

(16:56): Where do you place work in your life?

(20:59): Advice for planning your career

(21:32): Create a career experiment for your alternative paths

(22:47): Ask yourself questions to clarify.

(26:17): An unexpected gift from the layoff

(28:02): Finding fulfillment outside of work

(29:31): Advice from the Two Arrows Sutta

(30:01): The first arrow that hits everyone

(31:51): Shame in hiding our grief

(38:23): Backup plan helps you to keep going

Transcript here : http://bit.ly/3Wcmjn3

Resources:

9 things you can do for someone you know who got laid off recently

The 8 worldly winds

The arrow sutta

Thank you to our sponsors for this episode:

Alvin Chan, Tan Jia Yee, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee hoon, Wilson Tan.

Dec 22, 202242:00

Ep 19: Secular vs Buddhist mindfulness. What's the difference? (Ft Dr Yeoh Kar Kheng)

You don't have to be religious to practise mindfulness and meditation. But we also can't deny that there is a huge overlap between secular mindfulness and mindfulness in Buddhism. So what are the differences and why does it matter? And as Buddhists, how do you know if you are progressing on your path?

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About our guest:

Dr. Yeoh Kar Kheng has over 15 years of experience in practising and teaching Mindfulness and is a certified trainer under the Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute, teaching scientific-based mindfulness and emotional intelligence curriculum developed and tested at Google.

Dr Yeoh is also the founder and project leader of Mindful@Sejahtera, Mindfulness for Everyone Program under D’Home Mental Health Association, and the chairman of Malaysia Mindfulness Association.

More about him

Timestamp:

(0:40) : Dr Yeoh’s introduction to meditation and Buddhism

(10:58) : Difference between secular and Buddhist meditation

(11:52) : Mindfulness does not belong to Buddhists

(17:42) : The 4Rs of mindfulness

(20:27) : Buddhist mindfulness: Right mindfulness

(21:31) : The Noble Eightfold Path

(22:04) : Right View

(22:57) :The Three characteristics of life

(27:05) : The three ways of wisdom

(27:31) : You don’t need to be a Buddhist to know these

(33:46) : Wrong mindfulness

(34:49) : What constitutes meditation?

(42:15) : Not mindful, no problem

(43:00) : Is there any way to know we are progressing?

(43:25) : Are you merely a chicken who can sit still?

Transcript:

bit.ly/3FsZKUa

Resources:

10-day Vipassana meditation:

https://sg.dhamma.org/
https://www.dhamma.org/en/

The Noble Eightfold path

Talk by Ajahn Sujato

Thank you to our sponsors for this episode:

Alvin Chan, Tan Jia Yee, Siau Yan Chen, Tan Key Seng, Ven You Guang, Soh Hwee hoon, Wilson Tan.

Dec 12, 202247:33

Ep 18 : Friendship breakups (Ft Khema & Nalanda)

Inevitably in life, we have to part ways with friends. Sometimes we break up involuntarily due to some misunderstandings, sometimes we deliberately choose to walk away from friends who are toxic. There is no one easy way to break up with friends.

In this episode, we have our special guests, Khema and Nalanda, from the u awake? podcast to chat about friendship breakups. Cheryl and Kai Xin, together with the guest shares their experiences of breaking up with friends and:

When do we walk away from friends?
How do we walk away from toxic friends?
Who should we associate with?

Transcript: bit.ly/hol-ep18-friendshipbreakups

Timestamp:

(0:50): Nalanda – being ganged up on.

(7:55): Khema – fading away from friends to heal from the past.

(11:09): Cheryl – stopping contact due to one-sided romantic feelings.

(14:15): Kai Xin – walking away from toxic friends.

(17:12): Who is a good friend? Are you being judgemental?

(25:48): Different categories of friends.

(34:00): Sometimes it’s beneficial to be hurt from time to time.

(35:06): Giving and taking.

(35:39): How will the fools be wise if the wise don’t associate with them?

(37:20): When should we break up with a friend?

(43:09): We have the power to turn toxicity into wholesomeness too.

(45:35): Good friends increase our chances to be enlightened.

(47:21): How to cut off toxic friends?

Check out u awake? podcast here:

Two kinds of friends, Ajahn Jayasaro

Spotify

Readings:

Mangala Sutta

Thank you to our sponsors of this episode:

Alvin Chan, Tan Jia Yee, Siau Yan Chen, Tan Key Seng, Ven You Guang, Soh Hwee hoon, Wilson Tan.

Help sponsor our efforts to make Buddhist teachings applicable to daily life here: http://handfulofleaves.life/support

Got a comment about the podcast? Share your thoughts on our Telegram channel: https://t.me/handfulofleaves

Dec 01, 202254:09

Ep 17: Pursuing independence without hurting our parents

As we move into adulthood, the pursuit for independence can be at odds with our parent's wishes, especially in the Asian context. We may not agree with our parents on what's best for us (career, relationship, lifestyle etc). We may stop showing affection towards them. And along the way, that might leave them feeling hurt or abandoned.

In this episode, Cheryl and Kai Xin chat about

Their relationships with their parents.
Moving out
Not pursuing the career that most parents think is 'good'
Saying "I love you" to parents
Dealing with Toxic parents
Ways to repay our parents

Transcript here: bit.ly/3X4JjoP

Timestamp:

(1:56): Are you filial?

(5:50): Kai Xin’s relationship with parents

(8:16): Cheryl’s relationship with her mother

(11:02): Love or views?

(14:06): Conflict-averse and wanting independence

(15:01): Do first and ask for forgiveness later

(20:08): I know better than you!

(22:21): Kai Xin the Rebel

(27:10): Do you say I love you to your parents?

(30:58): Tips to communicate with your parents in conflict

(38:44): How to repay your parents?

(43:48): What if your parents are of a different faith?

Thank you our sponsors to this podcast:

Alvin Chan, Tan Jia Yee, Siau Yan Chen, Tan Key Seng, Ven You Guang, Soh hwee hoon, Wilson Tan.

Support our efforts: https://handfulofleaves.life/support/

Nov 15, 202246:13

Ep 16: Suicide ideation

Having suicidal thoughts is more common than we think. You never know who may be suicidal, it could be the person with the biggest smile in the room, your strongest parent, or even yourself. According to SOS Singapore, suicide is the leading cause of death for those between 10-29 years old.

We hope that today’s episode will bring you hope if you’re feeling suicidal. Or if you know someone who is suicidal, this could perhaps help shed light on what they’re going through and how you can be of support to them.

Note: The guest in this episode is kept anonymous and their voice is altered.

GET CONNECTED:

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Timestamps:

(1:26): Guided meditation to arrive

(2:59): Have you experienced suicidal thoughts before?

(5:53): When was the first time you had suicidal thoughts before?

(7:27): I want the pain to end.

(9:49): Story about a teenage boy who wanted to end it all

(13:42): How do you usually navigate conversations with suicidal people?

(19:48): Everything is just bottled up

(21:35): Two broad reasons on why are people suicidal ?

(23:14): How can we help ourselves?

(25:26): The 5 remembrances

(25:50): Regulating yourself when emotions run high

(28:14): Tying back to the 4 Noble Truths!

(33:01): The question that we all did not have answers to!

(36:39): The two bamboo acrobats

(38:18): Gifts of pain

(39:26): Last advice

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Helpline:

National Care Helpline: 1800-202-6868

SOS 24-hour Hotlines: 1800-221-4444

SOS 4-digit hotline: 1-767

Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019

Institute of Mental Health: 6389-2222 (24 hours)

Tinkle Friend:1800-274-4788 (for primary school-aged children)

Care Corner Counselling Centre (Mandarin): 1800-353-5800

Resources to read:

https://www.sos.org.sg/blog/i-want-to-help-someone-who-has-suicidal-thoughts

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-worried-about-someone-else/supporting-someone-suicidal-thoughts/

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Thank you our sponsors to this podcast:

Alvin Chan, Tan Jia Yee, Siau Yan Chen, Tan Key Seng, Ven You Guang, Soh hwee hoon, Baey yuling, Megan Lim

Oct 18, 202241:28

Ep 15: Shifting from a scarcity to an abundance mindset (Ft Daylon Soh)

How does an abundance mindset align with the Buddhist values and practice? Daylon shares personal stories of how moving away from the scarcity mindset has helped him in his life and career.

Daylon is a corporate executive turned education entrepreneur who runs a training institute, based in Singapore & Malaysia, focused on helping professionals and businesses grow their careers and business with User Experience (UX) Design and Product Management.

Daylon is a Buddhist by faith and has been a pescatarian since 2016.

More about Daylon and his work:

https://curiouscore.com/

https://sg.linkedin.com/in/daylonsoh

Timestamp:

(0:40): Misconceptions about the abundance mindset

(1:18): Introduction about the abundance mindset

(2:28): Daylon says hello!

(3:32): Abundance mindset helping in mid career transitions

(4:13): Your mindset can make or break your business

(5:05): Questions to determine whether you have the abundance or scarcity mindset?

(7:28); Being blind to what you do already have.

(8:51): Feeling not good enough can creep up to even the most unexpected person?

(10:17): When did this sense of lack begin?

(11:21): How the sense of superiority became a sense of inferiority.

(13:17):The one factor to distinguish scarcity and abundance

(15:29): Conditional vs unconditional mindset

(16:37): No excuse for not putting in the work!

(20:32): Unconditioning the mind’s subconscious scarcity

(21:43): Competitiveness as the perfect example of scarcity mindset

(23:01): Is the abundance mindset simply about wanting more and more?

(24:00): The impermanence of everything

(24:52): Tying abundance mindset to Buddhism

(27:29): A muscle to be trained and acknowledging how difficult it is

(30:50): Do not become like Mother Theresa

(31:48): Cheryl’s aha moment!

(32:47): Me vs We

(33:21): The synergy in sharing!

(34:11): What’s the next best intention that I can bring?

(39:09): Two things Daylon did to force him out of a state of lack

(42:21): Gifts for the listeners!

Special thanks to our sponsors of this episode:

Alvin Chan, Tan Jia Yee, Siau Yan Chen, Tan Key Seng, Ven You Guang, Soh hwee hoon, Baey yuling

Oct 06, 202244:05

Ep 14: Being average and not knowing what to do in life (Ft Tai Ling Ling)

If you feel like you need to get your life all figured out but haven't, this episode is for you.

In our chat with Ling Ling, we discover:

✅ The balance between having a plan and going with the flow

✅ Being good/average at everything vs being GREAT at ONE thing

✅ What to do when you are at life’s crossroads

☝️‼️We also get an insider view of how to answer this classic question from a job recruiter: Where do you see yourself in 3-5 years' time? 🤓

About Ling Ling

Ling is a seasoned learning and development professional, a former electronics engineer, and is transitioning into cultural psychology. Ling's career spans a variety of areas including manufacturing, travel, humanitarianism, and education. Since 2005, she has facilitated and delivered programs in 21 countries across four continents. Eventually, she founded Culture Spark Global, a learning and development company focused on developing intercultural skills for an inclusive and equitable world.

Originally from Malaysia, Ling lived in Australia, Canada, the USA, Singapore, the UK, and Serbia and currently resides in Portugal.

Ling has an MSc in Psychology from the University of Hertfordshire, UK, and currently pursuing an MPsy in Intercultural Relations in Portugal. She is a member of the British Psychology Society, International Association of Cross-Cultural Psychology, and International Council of Psychologists.

Previously, she hosted a popular podcast called Leaders of Learning. Currently, she writes on her personal blog Miss Elle Tea about anything and everything that tickles her curiosity.

Daily, she learns Ashtanga yoga and practices Vipassana.

Connect with her on LinkedIn or Twitter.

Special thanks to our sponsors for this podcast:

Alvin Chan, Tan Jia Yee, Siau Yan Chen, Tan Key Seng, Ven You Guang.

Transcript: https://bit.ly/3UeFvjo

Timestamp:

(1:26): Ling Ling - An Engineer, a Psychologist, and a Genius?

(2:39): If you choose between planning and being spontaneous, what would you choose?

(3:39): Life doesn’t always work out according to the plan

(4:56): Meeting Vipassana meditation

(9:16): Gradual change to the middle path

(11:36): Serendipity

(11:42): What do you want to do in 5 or 10 years?

(14:41): Courage and necessity

(20:15): The challenges in walking a different path from everyone else

(21:49): The one question to make you certain about your decision

(22:34): Which path should you choose?

(24:21): Which is better: A jack of all trades or a master of one?

(25:53): Finding the strengths that you bring to the table

(31:05): What is the one skill everyone should possess?

(32:08): Mindfulness

(35:57): Do you have any advice on how to get unstuck?

(36:29): Contingencies and exit plans

(38:05): Life is really not sure.

(39:47): This one Buddhist philosophy will change your life

Sep 20, 202242:38

Ep 13: Can we cure death? (Ft Dr Ng Yuen Yen)

During her career in emergency medicine, Dr Ng Yuen Yen realised that as a doctor, she was not able cure death. She then awoke to the fact that the Buddha has cured death and that she’d have to understand that for herself.

This episode attempts to unpack Nibbana (enlightenment) and shares a balanced approach on how we can slowly increase our happiness in the here and now.

About the speaker:

Dr Ng Yuen Yen was born into a Buddhist family. She obtained her MBBS Singapore in 1979, FRCS (A&E Edinburgh) in 1987, Homecare USA in 2002, and BA (Honours) from the Buddhist & Pali University, Sri Lanka. She lectured at Mangala Vihara on Early Buddhist History from 2001 to 2019 to Diploma students. She also teaches meditation at Buddhist societies and is a certified .b mindfulness teacher.

Transcript here: https://bit.ly/3xaBwuv

(0:28): Welcome and intro to today’s topic

(2:10): Who is Dr Ng Yuen Yen?

(4:50): Loving the Dhamma

(6:27): A doctor can’t cure death, what can?

(8:18): The goal changes

(10:42): What is the cure to death that Buddha found?

(12:00): Different realms of existence

(13:18): Heaven and hell on earth

(13:57): Simplicity as a form of happiness

(15:46): The gradual path of relinquishment

(18:10): An attainable path walked by the wise

(19:21): Breathing in long, you know you are breathing in long. How well do you know your breath?

(21:06): Clouds in the skies are impermanent, just like our body

(23:28): What pebbles are you throwing into your mind pool

(26:08): Is peace boring?

(26:30): Eat, drink and be merry

(30:34): No more netflix and parties?

(31:14): Friends who support you well

(32:55): Taking refuge in the Triple Gem

Thanks to this episode's sponsors:

Siau Yen Chan

V You Guang

Tan Jia Yee

Lim Soon Kiat

Sep 09, 202236:12

Ep 12: Dealing With Difficult Emotions (Ft Ratna Juita | TEDxSpeaker, Mindfulness Coach)

Sis Ratna Juita is a TEDx speaker, facilitator and lifelong learner. She facilitates training in areas of Mindfulness, Well-being, Personal Mastery & EQ. She went through a transformational journey through mindfulness practice and now dedicates her life to empowering others to do the same. She co-authored the book “Women Empowered: Personal Journeys to Become Empowered Women”.

She has volunteered at Buddhist Fellowship since 2007, and has been giving back to the community by grooming youth leaders and facilitating workshops for youths in Buddhist societies in Singapore, Malaysia & Indonesia.

Transcript here: https://bit.ly/ep12-hol-ratna

Timestamps:

(0:01): Intro to today’s topic

(1:10): Introducing Ratna Juita

(2:32): What’s your superpower?

(3:59): The challenges of being a female solopreneur

(5:26): Two ways she went through the overwhelming situations

(7:48): What is your body telling you?

(11:09): Detach from your emotions

(12:46): Where does the sensation end?

(16:04): Who are you spilling your tea to?

(16:48): Opening up your story can also help you heal

(18:40): The ABCs of mindfulness

(24:55): The inner critic is not always your enemy

(27:48): Comparing with our own journey

(28:30): Establishing personal boundaries as a way of self-love

(29:20): 4 Questions for daily self-reflection

Thanks to this episode's sponsors:

Siau Yen Chan

V You Guang

Tan Jia Yee

Lim Soon Kiat

Learn more about the 5 Niyamas here: https://www.learnreligions.com/the-five-niyamas-449741.

Aug 23, 202232:16

Ep 11: Surviving Toxic Workplaces (Ft Datuk Charlie Chia)

In this episode, Datuk Charlie shares his experiences dealing with hostile colleagues who sabotage his work and how to navigate stressful situations.

Datuk Charlie started his career as a Chartered Quantity Surveyor and later worked in Construction, Real Estate Development and Legal Services. Some of his roles and contributions:

Advocate and Solicitor in Soh Hayati & Co
Independent Director of GDB Holdings Berhad
Former Group CEO of a Listed Property Developer, United Malayan Land Berhad.
Founded many Buddhist organisations - BMS Youth Section, Kota Tinggi Buddhist Society, Metta Lodge Johor Bahru and Kuantan Buddhist Association.
Lay Advisor to Buddhist Missionary Society Malaysia.

(0:01): Introduction to Datuk Charlie Chia and the topic today

(2:14): How he got started in his Buddhist Journey

(3:34): The benefits of Dhamma in the corporate world

(5:50): How Dhamma helps you as a leader

(6:54): Finding a win-win situation

(8:55): Toxic workplaces are inevitable

(9:40): I want your job: Turning jealous colleagues into good friends

(13:42): The three great virtues of patience, tolerance and understanding

(14:22): Karma: Why don’t I get good results when I do good deeds?

(16:01): How do take care of one’s mental health when in a toxic workplace?

(23:26): The art of managing changes

(25:03): Synchronise with the law of nature

(28:12): The 5 cosmic laws of nature

(30:50): Have you heard of Karmic Management?

(32:05): Practical steps to prioritise well being

The 5 Niyamas are found in the Buddhist Visuddhimagga commentaries by 5th BCE Buddhist Scholar Buddhagossa and are not part of the Suttas.

Special Thanks to: August Lum for creating the new soundtrack for our podcast: His work here

Transcript here: bit.ly/3pcAVUp

Special thanks to the sponsors of this podcast

Siau Yen Chan

V You Guang

Tan Jia Yee

Lim Soon Kiat

Aug 12, 202236:08

Ep 10: How to make failure suck less (Ft Heng Teng Teng)

About Heng Teng Teng:

Founded her own training and coaching business (Grow Consultancy) in 2010 to help people be more resourceful in responding to changes.
She is certified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Adult Maturity Developmental Coaching, and Enneagram of Personality.
Has 2000 hours of coaching hours, and her clientele includes leaders ranging from MDs, GMs, and SVPs to Region Heads from various Fortune 500 companies, and government statutory boards to support them in their inner mental shifts to navigate the business challenges and demands.

Transcript here

Timestamp

(03:19): Teng Teng and her journey to founding her own consultancy

(04:45): The three definitions of failure

(05:43): Sharing of her significant early memories when she failed

(08:35): The chase for inflated levels of happiness

(13:48): Reflecting on impermanence in the face of failure

(16:34): How do we know when to quit?

(17:22): Finding clarity by tuning into our body

(21:31): Is your inner critic always helpful?

(23:39): What seeds are you cultivating in your mind?

(29:55): Failing in meditation and the spiritual path

(36:43): Advice to those struggling on the path

(42:27): Where to find Teng Teng’s work and connect with her

Special Thanks to:

August Lum for creating the new soundtrack for our podcast: His work here

Special thanks to the sponsors of this podcast

Siau Yen Chan
Alvin Chan
V You Guang
Tan Jia Yee

Jul 26, 202243:53

Ep 8: Sex, virginity, and finding true love (ft Kyle and Hao)

Our guests:

Hao is the asian Ariana Grande, joining us today to share the perspective of how to look out for the “One” after dating 7 exes.

At a grand old age of "42", Kyle, a creative director had gave up looking for the one but he still wishes to be found in a relationship.

Transcript: here

Timestamps:

(00:54): When to pursue a relationship?

(02:29): What happens when you settle for less

(05:54): Why add another layer of suffering by being in a relationship?

(11:33): Loving is not equal to possession

(12:07): How to make a relationship work?

(17:54): Moving in before marriage

(19:14): The four sure fire way to ruin a marriage

(21:47): Complain vs criticism

(24:48): Sex education in the Asian context

(25:59): Losing your virginity before marriage

(29:41): Is having sex unwholesome?

(33:13): Summary

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Resources & Links

RAINBodhi (Singapore): https://rainbodhi.org/singapore/

Welcome the rainbow: https://sujato.github.io/rainbow/

Where to find Kyle: https://kyleneo.com/

Buddhist circle hao is in:

Special thanks to the sponsors of this podcast

Siau Yen Chan
Alvin Chan
(V) You Guang

Jun 07, 202237:47

Ep 7: How to cut the small talk & say no to your own bullsh*t (ft Gwen Yi, Founder of Tribeless)

Gwen's work has received recognition from TED, Obama Foundation, and The World Economic Forum. Beyond these achievements, Gwen shares her journey dealing with anxiety and depression, and what it truly means to be vulnerable, authentic, and empathetic.

Get connected here:

Transcript: here

This episode is sponsored by:

Alvin Chan

Lynn Leng

Joanne C

Time stamps:

(04:07): How would you spend your last day?

(05:40): One thing people don't know

(07:33): Spirituality and an embodied life

(09:29): Noting one's bullsh*t

(11:27): What it means to be authentic

(14:56): Being human

(16:58): Accepting imperfections

(20:09): Feeling safe within oneself

(23:57): 3 levels of empathy

(26:38): Definition of empathy

(28:50): What it means to empathise

(31:51): 5 ways to empathise

(39:28): The don'ts of empathy

(45:40): What it means to be vulnerable

(47:31): Vulnerability is not what's externalised but what's internalised

(50:15): What's next?

May 25, 202255:59

Ep 6: Buddhist Music (Ft Dr Kang Kee & BuddySings!)

Do you remember the songs that accompanied you through the key moments of your life? Whether it is falling in or out of love or going through lonely and dark nights, a good song would never fail to resonate, to give strength, and to heal.

This Vesak month, we learn more about Buddhist music from the eyes of Buddhist musicians.

There are two parts to this episode. We speak with Dr Kang Kee who left his job as a research scientist in order to create a social impact to the community. We learned about what inspires him to keep going on after more than 10 years, and how Buddhist music has helped make a difference in people's lives.

In the same episode, we also speak with the musicians, Pauline and Kelvin, from the Buddhist Band named BuddySings.

Get connected here:

Buddhist music (English) playlist

Links and resources:

Vesak day 2022 activities in Singapore and Malaysia

Buddhist music (Chinese) playlist

Wheel of life concert by BuddySings!

Transcript and pictures with Bro Kang Kee: here

Transcript and pictures with BuddySings!: Here

Support our efforts here: https://handfulofleaves.life/support/

This episode is sponsored by:

Alvin Chan

Lynn Leng

Joanne C

Timestamp for Part 1 with Bro Kang Kee:

(02:06): Bro Kang Kee and his journey from a research scientist to a full-time music producer

(06:25): Why choose music to create impact?

(08:33): Personal stories on a song for a youth who passed away, and a youth in coma.

(12:53): Meaningful songs that are niche vs shallow songs that can go viral.

(14:54): Sources of inspiration

(19:07): Can music and Dharma go together?

(23:21): Aspiration for the Buddhist music scene

(25:47): How can one start contributing to the scene?

(27:09): Getting in touch with Bro Kang Kee and the upcoming activities

Timestamp for Part 2 with BuddySings!

(32:29): Meet Pauline & Kelvin

(33:42): Buddysings! in three words.

(39:00): Challenges faced in the Buddhist music scene

(42:08): Opening the doors to the Dhamma through music

(45:57): How BuddySings! begun

(50:01): View of Life - the new single

(52:26): How can Dhamma music motivate one in the Buddhist practice

May 10, 202201:02:58

Ep 5: Money, investment, and how to be rich as a Buddhist (Ft Seow Kek Wee)

Is money the root of all evil? Should we deny wealth because it brings us more trouble? Is it really true that money can't buy happiness?

In this episode, Seow Kek Wee helps us reevaluate or relationship with money and how to achieve financial and spiritual wealth at the same time.

About the guest speaker - Seow Kek Wee

As a veteran investor of more than 20 years, Kek Wee is the Head of Investment Research of Unicorn Financial Solutions Pte Ltd, advising and managing assets in excess of $0.5 Billion.

Get connected here:

https://thegreyrhino.sg/

More about Seow Kek Wee & his work:

Investment Classes

The Grey Rhino YouTube page

Useful resources:

Parabhava Sutta

Transcript: click here

Timestamp:

(02:31): The journey to becoming a fund manager

(07:20): Is money the root of all evil?

(08:24): The right way to view money

(12:00): Giving without compromising your own well-being

(13:26): The four types of people

(15:52): How to save money while enjoying life

(26:40): Being intentional with our career path to grow wealth

(32:55): A simple life is not about doing nothing

(36:18): Summary of the 4 steps to successfully managing & growing one's wealth.

(36:52): The downfall of mankind

(40:30): Using wealth purposefully

(41:52): Being a steward of money; compassion with wisdom

(45:05): Growing money slowly is not equal to growing little money

(45:21): For beginners - how to get started with investment

Special thanks to Tan Key Seng, Lynn Leng, Alvin Chan for sponsoring the podcast!

Apr 29, 202257:34

Ep 4: Seeing the world in shades of grey

Good and bad, isn't exactly black and white.

Does doing a bad deed, make one bad person?
Does a kind act always bring about positive result?
Can anger be a force for good?

Transcript: link

Get connected here:

Resources and useful links:

Book - In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction by Dr Gabor Maté
Angulimala sutta - The Serial killer who became enlightened
4 Brahma Viharas / Sublime States/Pure Abodes
Right Speech

Helplines:

National Care Helpline: 1800-202-6868
SOS 24-hour Hotline: 1800-221-4444
Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019
Institute of Mental Health: 6389-2222 (24 hours)
Care Corner Counselling Centre (Mandarin): 1800-353-5800
Sexual Assault Care Centre by AWARE
Shan You Counselling Centre

Timestamps:

(02:19): Bad people deserve love

(08:23): The wise use of our limited amount of compassion

(13:33): How to see the human behind the evil act

(18:38): Reconciling the cognitive dissonance between ideals and the reality.

(22:05): Precepts - why breaking the 'rules' can help you to understand them.

(28:05): Having good intentions is not good enough

(35:00): Compassion must be accompanied by wisdom

(37:15): Anger is a manifestation of compassion

(41:18): The 4 divine abodes to turn anger into a force for good

(43:49): Good people are punished and bad people get away doing evil things. Really?

(45:49): Standing up for oneself

(53:50): What is the opposite of anger?

(55:52): Can a peaceful person garner the same amount of support for change vs an angry person?

Correction: Venerable Angulimala was stoned during alms round but was not stoned to death.

Special thanks to Tan Key Seng, Lynn Leng, Alvin Chan for sponsoring this podcast.

Apr 13, 202201:09:52

Ep 3: When does doing good become bad? (Ft Sylvia Bay)

Are you a good person? Who exactly defines what is good/bad and what is right/wrong?

In this episode, Sister Sylvia Bay shares what it means to be good, the tipping point when good turns bad, and how to develop wisdom along the path to happiness.

About the guest speaker:

Sylvia Bay has been dedicated to the study and practice of Buddha's teaching since 1992. She graduated with a B.A. (Hons) First Class, in Buddhist Studies, from the Buddhist and Pali University of Sri Lanka in 2000 and joined the teaching staff of the Buddhist and Pali College (Singapore) in 2001. Since 2002, Sylvia has also been a regular speaker on Buddhist doctrine, Buddhist history, and the practical application of the Buddha's teachings in daily life, at the invitation of various Buddhist organisations in Singapore.

More about Sylvia Bay's work:

Website

Books

Talk - Dhamma is hope

Article - Cultivating faith in fearful times

Transcript here: link

Get connected here:

Useful resources:

Paññāsutta - Discourse on wisdom

Dhamma roadmap talk - morality and effort

TIMESTAMP:

(03:07) What is the definition of good?

(06:26) Relooking at Righteous Anger

(11:08) Who defines what is good and bad? Isn't it subjective?

(19:09) Invest in the purity of the act, not the outcome.

(19:58) How does one not be invested in the outcome?

(26:42) Can desire be good?

(29:34) Dealing with moral shame. Am I good enough to be a Buddhist?

(36:30) Being patient with oneself

(39:46) The four mental states to cultivate

(42:59) The difference between having faith in the Buddha and having faith in oneself

(46:25) Dealing with our inner critic

(49:45) How do you know when to give in to desires and when to not give in?

(57:45) What is wisdom?

(1:00:45) Actionable steps to grow in wisdom

Terms:

Jia lat (in Hokkien) - terrible

Akusala (in Pali) - Unwholesome

Special thanks to Key Seng Tan, and Lynn Leng for sponsoring this podcast.

Would you like to support Handful Of Leaves? Email us at info@handfulofleaves.life

Mar 31, 202201:05:17

Ep 2: Who are you beyond your profession? (Ft Amy Tong)

1 in 3 Singaporeans work at least 10 hours a day. Because we spend most of our waking hours working, inevitably our identify is defined by our profession and career achievement. But is that all to life? Who are you beyond the work that you do?

In this episode, we have our special guest, Sis Amy Tong!

We discuss how we can humanise the corporate life, when to quit and when to stay always and exploring the 3 P+P framework to achieve corporate success.

ABOUT AMY TONG:

Amy has 14+ years of local and international working experience in a foreign investment bank. She has a diverse career background across Finance, Relationship Management as well as Strategy & Change. She currently leads the regional team in APAC with key focus on institutional priority clients and driving digital transformation for the corporate bank.

Apart from her professional work, she is also a strong advocate for charitable causes, diversity and inclusion, youth development, and is a regular volunteer with Singapore Buddhist Mission. Find out more about her efforts in bringing the Buddhist Community together to plant seeds of joy, wisdom & compassion.

International Women's Day:

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TRANSCRIPT: here

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