I Will Write Your Book

It's just Will and Karen as the podcast wraps up. Will gets a job at a real publishing house. Karen is engaged and also in legal trouble. Will discovers his destiny.

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Gene Dumm (Nate Smith) is a jingleman (his term) and wants to teach the world about how to write a good jingle and immediately upload it to the public domain. Also Will grew a mustache (did this happen before? I can't remember and refuse to learn) and Karen is filthy rich.

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Jacques and Renee (Charlie Sanders and Camille Knox) want to write a travel book about Montreal despite speaking very little English themselves. Also Karen helped a horse give birth and Will's cheese is sweaty.

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Bernadette Christie (Grace Mulvey), a good Catholic Longford woman, wants to write a book that will help young ladies in her church not be so unchristian like those trashy folks from Roscommon or those people on the show Sex on the City. Also Karen dominates horses and Will loses a kidney.

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Dolby Sheen, aka Mr. Picklesworth (Zeke Nicholoson), who is a clown, wants to inspire the next generation of clowns by telling them their non-clown persona is a total piece of crap! Also Will has new peace sign glasses and Karen is playing the banjo.

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Timothy Tippingtree (Shem Pennant) a very straight and very white CEO wants help promoting diversity at his 100% male company and Will thinks he can help. Also Karen is on the run for murder.

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Sister Mary Teresa Bernadette (Emily O'Callaghan) wants a book to help drum up recruitment for her nunnery. The selling points: no men, plenty of weed and several after-hour visits to each other's cells. Also, Karen wants in on an international drug deal and Will quits caffeine.

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Tech billionaire Noah Kaufman (Jake Regal), the creator of Dog Swap, wants to improve his image with a Willy Wonka style story of working at his company. Also, Karen has a magic beanstalk and Will has a new toupee.

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Carl Pipe (Stephen Bradley) needs a book about pogs. He's got a warehouse full of 'em and needs to move them FAST. Plus Will is productive and Pam has a monkey-free coconut water farm.

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Diane Keaton (Jamie Gaul), not that Diane Keaton, wants to write a book about hosting pet parties for non-wealthy clients! She has a lot of opinions on: babies, Billy Joel and her weak beta partner. Also, Karen is picked up by Orlando Bloom and Will is into ginseng.

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Michelle Williams (Erin McGathy) needs a memoir written, but first she has some questions about statute of limitations. Will is bad at knowing when stories end. And Karen has a salmon farm.

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"Little Tony" Nicoletti (Peter Banifz) wants Will and Karen to help him write a memoir about his days doing jobs for a NYC crime family. So they do!

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Vance Bigsby (Matt Apodaca) wants to rewrite The Great Gatsby, but make it about him. Will screws this up somehow. Karen continues to think Will is an idiot.

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Lanessa Williams (Laci Mosley) wishes to write a book about her methods of facilitiating a separation between other people and their money. Lanessa also motivates Pam to make will catch up on his payments to her!

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Mike Tresvant (Ronnie Adrian) wants to write a book that reveals little-known facts about great black Americans, which he learned from... fringe sites. Will and Karen helplessly look on.

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Alice (Siomha McQuinn) wants a book written on pool safety, but also Alice has a secret! We won't tell you here what that secret is! But a small hint is that she is not human, and is in fact a Sim. Okay, we just told you! It gets revealed pretty early. Also Karen is still rich and Will is still poor.

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Bubbles Sparkleton (Ryan Barton) wants a book written about a princess. But nothing too dark! How close is Will to getting this story right? Getting warmer, warmer.. totally cold! Also Karen is making soap.

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Bradley Thomas Michaelson (John Flynn) is worried about death and thus wants to write a book about summers in Provinceton in the 1970s. It's a book but it's a musical. Will wants to talk about Nixon, and Karen meets Stephen King at the bait and tackle shop.

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Rock icon Bruce Springsteen (Joe Wengert) has a new goal: write a young adult novel about a group of babysitters. Also, Will is drinking wheat germ.

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Mrs. Jackie Corn (Olivia Snow Norman) loves young adult vampire stories, except for the sex, love, laziness and blood. Karen buys a furniture store and Will needs a place to crash.

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Rabbi Joe Gittlebaum (Gil Ozeri) needs the bible to be more sexy, violent and most of all funny so he can get rich and famous. Also, Karen bought a kite factory and Will sunburned his head.

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Garrett LaFrance (John Gemberling) wants to write a series of anthology short story collections, like Stephen King, whom he has never read! Karen has a pool, and Will has food all over his shirt.

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Toad Gingrich (Brad Evans) and Russ Wilcox (Nick Ciarelli) want to write a book about a traumatic episode they experienced being cancelled in popular culture! Pam curates an art gallery, Will gets kicked out of a Starbucks.

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Katrina Pavlovnovitch (Sarah Claspell) wants to help the world make their dogs less stinky, and also has invented many hot dogs! Karen adopted the wrong animal and Will is sort of a total psychopath?

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Fisher Baker (Brian Hines) wants to write a DIY home repair book that will also win back his family! Also covered: name changes, fist fights and crown molding. Will and Karen solve his problems and everyone's problems and get along great.

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Stephen Kling (Mark Rennie) is ready to create a seven book fantasy epic starring his new character, Trader Joe.

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Donovan Light (Casey Feigh) wants to write a book, even though he's never read one, because someone he went on a date with said he was dumb! Will and Karen help, ish.

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Kevin Hines (Kevin Hines), a much more successful ghost author than Will, comes on to offer Will some work. He brings along his copy editor Chelsea Clarke (Chelsea Clarke), who is a supportive and loving co-worker of Kevin's. Karen reminds Will that he is a piece of shit.

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Freddie Spats (Drew Spears), a child actor of early 90s television, is ready to write a tell-all book of his sordid Hollywood life in the hopes of spicing up his appeal on the convention circuit. Will has ulterior motives and Karen rats him out first chance she gets.

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Posey Quiver (Betsy Stover), a massively successful Instagram influencer from Williamsburg Brooklyn, turns to Will and Karen for help with a book based on her Instagram account and her perfect photogenic life!

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Meg Simone (Joan Ford of Red and Yellow), famous for her blog Tipsy Tinkerbell, wants to tell you how to be a bad girl at Disneyland. Disclaimer: much of her behavior are clear felonies and should not be done.

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Willie Sheath (Carl Tart of The Flagrant Ones) wants credit for his greatest invention: passive-aggressive road rage.

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Dennis Rath (Zach Reino of Off-Book), a rival ghost writer stops by to ask Will to take a very prestigious project off of Dennis' plate - a fantasy epic about The Chronomaster. Will returns the favor by giving away his genius idea to write about the invention of necks ties.

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"Little Tony" Nicoletti (Peter Banifaz) wants Will and Karen to help him write a memoir about his days doing jobs for a NYC crime family. So they do!

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Alfie Guiness (Alex Fernie), the youngest and most irresponsible member of the family charged with the Guiness Book of World Records, begs Will and Karen to get this year's edition together for him.

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Katy Fishell asks Will to take over the graphic novel version of her illustration/storytelling project @sex_is_weird. Will brings his personal anecdotes of sexual liberation and his drawing skills to the task. Karen has a hacienda in Joshua Tree.

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Will's ex-wife Linda (Katie Foster) comes on the podcast for help writing a book about the great romance that is her current and better marriage. Karen reveals she once slept with Don Johnson?

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Danny Diggs (Michael McMillian) wants to write his book about a series of alien abductions he experience from the fall of 1994 for the next 7 years where he was witness to an amiable group of six good looking people!

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Joe Burkey (Adam Peacock) is a history teacher who's been having problems with misbehaving students. Will and Karen help him work through his feelings by writing a book about murder!

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Conner McGleason (Anna Salinas), a parking attendant from Boston, has come to LA to tell the exciting story of his profession and make it a movie. But no one gives a crap, so he's settling for writing a book. Will and Karen try to help, and fail. Check it out!

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Richtin Livingsgood (Dan Donahue) is the head pastor of an alleged megachurch called Let It Rain, and he wants to write a book to encourage young people to get into God, partly by telling them that it's cool if you're a satanist or do drugs, even if you're doing them right at this second.

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Burton Krintz (Greg Gallant), a 50 year old virgin who gets regularly bullied by teen, wants to write a superhero novel about a man who gains the superpower of being a little taller and having a good house.

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Vance Bigsby (Matt Apodaca) wants to rewrite The Great Gatsby, but make it about him. Will screws this up somehow. Karen continues to think Will is an idiot.

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Chasper Mullet (Kelly Nugent) has advice about ghosts -- partly how to deal with them, and partly advice FOR them. Will only wants to talk about ravines. Karen thinks all of Will's ideas are great! That's not true, she hates them.

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Joan Didione (Kathy Yamamoto) has tips on making friends while you drive, and with anyone you've ever talked to for even two seconds. Will related to loneliness, and Karen still has a boat.

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Ernie Bort (Jake Sprague) wants to write a book that teaches things like the pick-up techniques in the game, despite having married his high school girlfriend and never having dated or kissed outside of that.

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Diego Pasada, aka D.P. Stone (Oscar Montoya) author of the famous Gooseflesh series of children's books, needs help writing his first horror novel aimed at adults! Do Will and Karen help? Kind of!

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Jeff PeterSONville (Shaun Diston) wants to write about his experience having a pilot's license and flying. This episode involves debt, murder and naps! Karen talks about her boat.

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Kobe Mojito (Nick Wiger) wants to write a book to adapt the video game Donkey Kong 64, which he has acquired to rights to. Will knows nothing about the game and is useless. Karen has a boat and won't let Will ride.

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Jenny Katz (Caroline Clifford) wants to write a book about table tennis, a game she has never won, and also wishes the book to be physically impossible. Karen thinks romance is in the air.

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