The Tall Tales Broadcast System
By Robert Hudson
Holding Message
Huge Unnatural M+Ms
Thank you everyone, for being with us this season. Find all details of the next live Tall Tales by going to the website.
Music from Susannah Pearse and the Mighty Fin Chorus, story from Mike Westcott, be good, be well, be good to each other and see you soon.
Query: Does a Podcast Make Any Sound If You Are Sleeping?
Hello! Does anyone read these? I bet they don't.
Today we feature a tragic berk, sex kittens and a tremendous new feature from Marie Phillips, as well as music from Susannah Pearse, with Jane Whittaker, Simon Kane and The Mighty Fin Symphonietta, Harry Sever and Sally Stares. (We don't mention our musicians enough, villains that we are, but we love them.)
If you can support us with a 'coffee' then that's thrilling and here is the place. If you can't, we don't love you less.
Dreaming of a Grandma with the Head of a Fish, or else a Nun
Tall Tales Live is on Tuesday 2nd Feb. If you want the link, please email talltalesnight@gmail.com
If you would like to help sustain the Ongoing Tall Tales Project you can buy us coffees here and we are very grateful to those who can.
This Demonstration of the System was brought to you by Will Barnett, Matthew Parker and The Mighty Fin Chorus.
We're So Energised We're Dancing in the Toilet
Tall Tales Live is on Tuesday 2nd Feb. If you want the link, please email talltalesnight@gmail.com
If you would like to help sustain the Ongoing Tall Tales Project you can buy us coffees here and we are very grateful to those who can.
This Demonstration of the System was brought to you by Cassandra Harwood, Simon Kane, Carrie Quinlan, Anna Savory, Ed Tolputt and The Mighty Fin Chorus.
The 97% Weasel
Tall Tales Live is on 6th Feb. If you want the link, please email talltalesnight@gmail.com
If you would like to help sustain the Ongoing Tall Tales Project you can buy us coffees here and we are very grateful to those who can.
This Demonstration of the System was brought to you by Gareth Edwards, Tom Lyall, Ellis Sareen and The Mighty Fin Chorus.
Oysters with the Devil and Other Adventures in Homeovegetarianism
This Demonstration of the System was brought to you by Susannah Pearse, Anna Savory, Tim Sutton and The Mighty Fin Chorus.
Buy us coffees here if you would like, and we are very grateful to those who can.
James Bond Demonstrates Xmas to Agatha Maud
It's a Xmas Special! We have NEWS of upcoming projects and emergency broadcasts.
Mainly, we hope you are well.
Agatha Maud makes a Simple Fork Supper for the Three Wise Babies of Amanda Miranda Panda
If you want to come to the LIVE ZOOM TALL TALES please email talltalesnight@gmail.com
If you would like to chip away at the technical costs for the podcast/live events, we demand nothing but are grateful for anything and this is the link.
If you would like to see the current state of play, before tomorrow's live vote, in Name of the Decade, then click here to see (and we will try to put the picture the right way up this time).
Is Amanda Miranda Panda the Only Weirdo?
Name of the Decade primer and brackets are here. If you're on twitter, you can vote here in the thrilling Semi Finals, and that poll will last until Monday, after which the final will take place at TALL TALES LIVE on TUESDAY.
TALL TALES LIVE: please tell us you are coming at talltalesnight@gmail.com, where you can also get Zoom details if you haven't already got them.
You can pay for Tall Tales - if you want to only - via this link.
(You can also email us your choices at talltalesnight@gmail.com. You can email us anyway, of course, if you aren't twitter. Not being on twitter is a very healthy position, as any fule kno.)
Your'Majesty is Dead, Long Live Your'Majesty
Name of the Decade primer and brackets are here. If you're on twitter, you can vote here in the thrilling Quarter Finals, and that poll will last a week, after which you can email us your choices at talltalesnight@gmail.com. You can email us anyway, of course, if you aren't twitter. Not being on twitter is a very healthy position, as any fule kno.
We'll be back on July 23rd with the semi-final line-up. Final voting might as well take place at our July live show.
Benet Brandreth and the Lamentable Pyrates
WARNING: We will be taking a fortnight break after Monday's podcast. But be not afraid, we will be back on July 23rd.
All the Name of the Decade names are here. You can vote on twitter here or by emailing talltalesnight@gmail.com
Agatha Maud and the Sox of Sultan McDoom
All the Name of the Decade names are here. You can vote on twitter here or by emailing talltalesnight@gmail.com
Bad News for the Kittens, Ebenezer Noonoo and Lolita Respectnothing
All the Name of the Decade names are here. You can vote on twitter here or by emailing talltalesnight@gmail.com
We're on Our Own. Solo Alone is On Her Own. Even Caspar is One On His Own
Ongoing old news of Emma and the three wise babies; more Name of the Decade results - see the AFRICA bracket for voting here, and vote either via @namedecade on twitter or by emailing talltalesnight@gmail.com
The Name That Dare Not Speak Its Name
The easiest way to vote in the Macadandang Region of Name of the Decade is via @namedecade on twitter. The next easiest is to look at this list of names and email talltalesnight via gmail.
One person has employed the method of looking at the names and yelling down their choices from upstairs. This will not work for most of you.
Carry On, Willow Rosenberg
Voting until Thursday for Name of the Decade, Frankenstein Region, round one:
See the bracket via this link and then either vote on twitter via this link or email your votes to talltalesnight@gmail.com
Finnemore, Savory, Loggins and Spancake
Vote now in Name of the Decade! Do this on twitter by looking for the tweets from @namedecade
Find the bracket here, email us with legibility complaints and news from Orlando via talltalesnight@gmail.com
Music from Susannah Pearse, arranged by Harry Sever, sung by Mari Izzard, all for the On Hope Digital Song cycle produced by Matt Powell and Victoria Saxton (rules are made to be broken).
Magic Cats, Names of the Decade and Other Miracles
We very nearly announce the contestants for Name of the Decade, but instead, due to a last minute change of plan, announce the announcement of the contestants.
Season One Bonus Demonstration: For Your Birthday, A House!
Why a bonus episode?
1. We said we would do an episode today and we aren't quite ready for Season Two.
2. We haven't done all the things the podcast platform lets us do effortlessly (we won't do the ones that take effort or we would not be able to proceed, as previously stated)
Demonstration 50: Keynes Explains Brexmas
End of the of the middle of the beginning of the end of the middle of the beginning, marked with all the clarity that deserves.
Demonstration 49: James Pond and the Devil
A huge episode. James Pond, featuring Kate Ferguson, Aaron Neil, Carrie Quinlan and Jane Whittaker, with music and sound design from Damian Coldwell.
Plus an Important Announcement!
Demonstration 48: Everything is Casual
An all-time great from Susannah Pearse is the main thing to watch out for here.
Demonstration 47: Diversity Special
The song we discuss is this, from Axis of Awesome.
The link we screwed up on our email is ko-fi.com/talltales - the thing we couldn't spell was 'talltales'. It is almost a surprise we can find our own shoes in the morning.
Demonstration 46: The Miracle of the Chaffinch and the Jackdaw
We're live tonight at eight - get your link via talltalesnight at gmail
Music from @sjpearse as per usual
Demonstration 45: Erotic Podcast Feet First
This demonstration features Marie Phillips - see magico newsletter here - and Feet First, by Abigail Burdess.
To repeat, please tell us if you're coming to the live event next Tuesday (and get link) via talltalesnight at gmail
Demonstration 44: True Crime! Dead Earls! Druids!
Can history be funny? That's in the ears of the beholder, obviously, but at least we are going to give your ears the chance to behold.
Demonstration 43: A Greyhound on an Island in the Sea
Featuring Somerset and the Ile de No Return. Also cute animals and Agatha Maud.
Music by Susannah Pearse, be still your beating hearts.
Demonstration 42: London Rules Has a Chin the Size of a Country Shed
Today's demonstration features Mike Westcott. The song we think you should listen to is here. The lyrics to that song are here.
We hope you are having a nice day. Our website is here.
Demonstration 41: I'm Dreaming of a Squacco Heron
This demonstration features us doing great true stories years before This American Life caught up, and a longer version of Will Barnett's marvellous Dreams.
Yes, yes, yes, to those of you who pointed out that we can't spell 'Tall Tales'. The ko-fi site has now been re-named.
Demonstration 40: Benet Brandreth is Bakerloo Hoppin' Mad
Last one for the week, with huge thanks to Benet Brandreth, Kosha Engler, John Finnemore and Susannah Pearse.
Demonstration 39: Top Fear, featuring Mighty Man
News of this month's Tall Tales Live, along with news of neglected Kilburnians and brief meta-analysis of the Pearse songbook.
Demonstration 38: Delta Bravo Charlie Magic Eyes
Today's demonstration reveals more important secrets of the bureaucracy we all depend on and a song during which the writers of the song were harmed every time they heard it being sung like this.
We announce Name of the Decade. You may submit your favourites from any NOTY bracket or anywhere else. We are catholic in that sense. We are not catholic in the sense that Pope Thrower will not make our list, nor even Pope McCorkle III, though he is closer. Maybe it makes us more catholic not to be including these names. We don't know. We are not catholic.
Demonstration 37: Trotsky's the Butler Now
Today's demonstrations sees - 'sees'?, let's say 'features' - features one of the highlights of Tall Tales' last couple of years from Matthew Parker and Ellis Sareen's tremendous villainous plutocrat from Diary of a Nobody by Finnemore and Pearse.
Oh - Warhorses of Letters is available via this link.
Demonstration 36: An Embarrassing Fork Supper
Today's demonstration sees the end of Kilburn's Glorious 2012 and Simon Kane, via John Finnemore and Susannah Pearse, takes it out in suitably magnificent style.
Demonstration 35: The Huge Unnatural Fruit of Benet Brandreth
A tiny piece of Benet Brandreth which is the equivalent of ten complete normal persons. Have a smashing weekend. (Americans will be baffled at all our holidays but a) we have tons more than you anyway and b) May is the holidayest month.)
Bonus feature: NOTY 2017.
Demonstration 34: Skype in the Hall of the Mountain King
Ideally, today's music would accompany the legendary fifty-second Kilburn story, which features many of the same characters and is about interpretive dance, but we won't get there for a couple of lockdowns.
John Finnemore's friend's YouTube channel is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mstjN5fLpNY
Demonstration 33: Stella at the Last Exit to Ruislip Gardens
Today's demonstration features the continuing adventures of Mike Westcott and an important message from Abigail Burdess.
Name fans, here are Key and Peele doing joke College football names. I would watch all three, obviously. In case you're not a fan of American football and think this is an unreal fantasy world, part of what is so magic about these is the detail and realistitude of the graphics, the presentation, and half the names: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDp-ABzpRX8
Demonstration 32: Banking Scandals and I.C. Shivers
At last, we reach Kilburn's most-repeated joke.
Also, music from The Devil Gets All the Best Tunes by Ferguson and Pearse (with a big hat tip to Will Barnett) and Names of Other Eras (with a big thank you to Paddy Duffy).
Demonstration 31: Lions and Tigers and Zebras, Oh My!
Another Tall Tales highlight as - for the second time in a week! - we venture into the dangerous waters of competent sound design. Does the normal technical team feel fearful? No, but that is only because they've never heard of that brain science thing where dumbos and incompetents don't realise that's what they are.
Featuring Anna Savory! Simon Kane! Tom Lyall! Hugh Trimble! Shamira Turner! Susannah Pearse!
!
Demonstration 30: On This the Anniversary of Hot Tub Guy
We are about to embark on the Golden Summer of 2012, we have a song about snow, and it's raining.
Vote Mathdaniel Squirrel.
Demonstration 29: Trapped by Benet Brandreth
The Brandreth Papers take a turn for monstrous. Fairies do what fairies do.
A few more thoughts on Name of the Year.
Demonstration 28: We Are The Champion Name of the Year
Some people don't love funny names. That is not our fault.
Mike Westcott is a Champion.
Demonstration 27: Don't You Think That Names Should Be The Only Things That Matter
This demonstration features high society high jinks, some horrific godparenting and a thrilling new version of a Pearse classic from Annie Gill and Nick Mulroy, who Annie would like me to say she is married to.
Be not afraid.
Demonstration 26: The Invisible Hand of Benet Brandreth
It turns out that if you concentrate you can produce audio that sounds great, and Benet and Kosha Brandreth have done so to tremendous effect. We are sorry that most of Tall Tales is not like that but if it were, we couldn't do it, if that makes any sense.
Have a lovely weekend.
Demonstration 25: That Is Not My Plan About Dwarf Hedgehogs
Today's demonstration features lovely new recording of two Pearse classics from Harry Sever, featuring Clare Auger and more news of Igor.
If you haven't stopped listening to Skiing Safari from yesterday, you're not the only one.
Demonstration 24: Tyrannosaurus Safari
Can mere words describe the majesty of this demonstration of the System? No.
It features the awesomest band in the history of Northern Ostrobothnia! It features one of the two equal best choirs currently re-working the Mighty Fin back catalogue! It features the song which first showed that Susannah Pearse was not afraid to rhyme safari and Campari!
Demonstration 23: Voodoo Outbreak
Today's demonstration features Anna Savory from her usual field of wheat, and Tom Lyall leading the Mighty Fin chorus in a sort of diabolic fairy rock opera.
If you still aren't listening to Simon Kane's narration of Journal of the Plague Year or reading Marie Phillips's newsletter, then that's your loss and not our fault.
Demonstration 22: Faith in Bears
Today's demonstration of the system features an uncertain amount of truth and a song about talking animals that took about a month and four thousand drafts to write. You will notice (you probably won't notice) that we have changed our title algorithm and are using digits rather than spelling out the number. We only spelled it out in the first place because Apple said you shouldn't put numbers in there and we were being careful. If this suddenly gets us blacklisted we will go back to how we were. If you have read something more boring than this today, we're sorry.
If you learn the truth about the Blackwater accounting scandal before we find it, please email talltalesnight @ gmail.
Twenty-First Demonstration: Jenny's Hens
In the last demonstration of this week we reveal* that Nature is never absent, even in the city. And if hens aren't enough, and friendly dogs, we also have horses and pigeons in the song. A decade later, I still say 'I'd give pigeons to hear from you,' as if it's a real English expression.
*We use this term in the specialised sense that Garth Crooks once used it when he 'revealed' to Sven-Goran Eriksson that England had qualified for the next round of a major championship when probably S-G Eriksson probably was aware of that, because it's the sort of thing that even a moderately successful England manager would keep himself abreast of.