Live IFS
By Internal Family Systems Sessions
Live IFSFeb 16, 2024
392: Mio A. revisits
šø A keyhole. Easy is scary.
š What I'd like to do differently:
A lot of this felt familiar, I believe we had already done some witnessing here, so I wanted to see if we could take some shortcuts
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391: ā«ļø Clare A. revisits
šø Sit down, shut up, hold on!
2ļøā£Pod boppins. Weāre allowed to have concerns?
š What I'd like to do differently:
Must remember to stretch before calls w Clare! We haven't done IFS in ~6 months, so when "This way, not that way" parts show up, I donāt feel like I have much room to challenge them. But I do wonder āhow much of this part's role is diversionary?ā Is the future/giggling just a more pleasant place to be?
I wonder what percentage of journeyers have this kind of instant, visual access to these realms. 5? Itās hard for me to know how to guide other than āI'll hang out with you while you travelā
2ļøā£ I could have worded it better, but my confidence in her and this process is strong. Maybe I was talking to my own skeptical partsā¦ theyāre saying āwhereās the sadness, whereās the hurt, are we having too much fun, are we being distracted?ā ā¦ maybe. But the only way out is through. Meaning, evn if thatās the case, weāll find out only by continuing to notice and engage from where we are.
Some of that confidence comes from knowing that Clare's āpeople pleaserā parts arenāt extreme. Sheās not doing this for me! Her āpersonal developmentā parts work hard, but sheās not beating down my door to do this work.
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390: Riben A. - first call
šø Step 1: Whoās here?
š¹ Parts:
- P: Sleepy v judgemental
- P: Frustrated, an intensity āthe universe is coming down on meā
- P: Holding it together. "I donāt want to be emoting during those challenging time"
š What I'd like to do differently:
I could be wrong! I had parts on edge, this being a first time caller, parts saying ājump in now! No now!ā Others saying I should just observe for now, meditate on it later. But who knows if we'll talk again? My confidence of that being a part: 86%.
I got stuck in town today, arrived home 60 seconds before call start, Riben didn't see my messages asking for 10 min late start, all of that had my parts scrambling a bit.
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389: ā«ļø Onyx A. revisits
šø Teenage angst, impossible heaviness. She didn't think I'd get this far.
2ļøā£ Rageful truth of the body. These social games feel like shit.
š What I'd like to do differently:
1ļøā£ Low energy today, but it felt right to hit the gas. We donāt meet often, itās been maybe 2.5 months, and nothing else booked, so thatās another reason I go faster, especially when spacey was getting involved. Combined self energy was on the edge, but I'm confident in Onyx, her route and tools.
2ļøā£ Onyx's system reminds me of my own, probably more than any other caller's. So I have to be very careful to avoid projecting.
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386: Ian A. revisits
šø Gambling; the game of life.
š What I'd like to do differently:
It's been about a year since we talked, and the only intention we set was to chat, not do IFS. So I took this call while walking, and didn't prep much.
Presenting with what he called his most significant trauma, at beginning of call I was wanting to offer detours, not make the mistake of going too fast. But I'm not confident when I'm just one foot in IFS, and I don't think I was being particularly skillful or helpful.
When an old pal reaches out and says "my mom died", even if our intention was to do IFS, it doesn't feel right to respond with "How about a minute of meditation? Got any parts...?"
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385:ā«ļø Bee A. revisits
šø We donāt live there anymore
2ļøā£ Left out of the family picture
š¹ Parts:
- P: get it perfect or youāll disappear. tired, wishes someone else was In charge. Works so hard for chance to rest.
- P: itās too dangerous to look inside: āAre you crazy? Heāll kill us allā, story has been told, not felt. wants death certificates
- E: waiting to be seen, in so much pain
- P: healing is a battle
2ļøā£
- P: the judge. āsheās a cowardā Not being willing to hear the truth. crazy about clean, searching for weak spot. Angry. Youāre missing life by not expressing yourself. Youāre giving up on relationships. Thinks I'm 13
- E: on the outside. āYouāre not family, you donāt belong in this kind of pictureā Judge keeps telling me I have to ask questions. Wants me to talk to the judge
š What I'd like to do differently:
2ļøā£ One of those hot midday summer calls, didnāt sleep great, headachy. I was finishing too many of her sentences but aiming for efficiency (win if I guess right!)
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384: Justine A. revisits
šø Collapse. Thereās a lot riding on this.
š¹ Parts:
- Rage: you never want to work w me
- Urgency has to be there because motivation and drive are not.
- Collapse is overwhelm + distraction (the 2)
- Grief from how time was spent in 20s. Lost, unhappy, alone. Wanted somebody to get her. 21 year old by the river. Wants me to write.
- The one who wants to hide from responsibility, career
š What I'd like to do differently:
Tech problems had me flustered. Justine's intuition is so strong, I'm hesitant to open my mouth.
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382: Genie A. revisits
šø My dad was a good gardenerā¦
š¹ Parts:
- P: Shit, might have to go somewhere I've been avoidingĀ
- P: Until you do this, youāre just pissing around the edges
- P: āHe wasnāt doing anything to meā. I was the problem.Ā
- P: Self-like part thinks I'm under 10. Needs the proof
- E: Shock and hugeness. Frustration. Not being understood, heard, seen.
š What I'd like to do differently:
Iām doing too much analyzing, making too many comments without purpose or intention.
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387: Christine A. revisits
šø A block around remembering my dreams
š¹ Parts:
- 4yo is afraid to go to sleep. And confused about why others brush it off.
š What I'd like to do differently:
My non-responses werenāt always cuz I thought that would be ideal, just not at full power, long day. I could have called attention to the mom-defender, maybe I just didn't have the language, or thought it might pull us off track.
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383: ā«ļø Mimi A. - first call
šø āI have to be good at thisā
2ļøā£ Triangles and check-in tips
š¹ Parts:
- P āThe rehearserā narrates everything.
- P Jittery, wonāt let me go deep, everything gets suspended. And *youāre not gonna follow through*. Donāt even start.
- P āon the spotā Anxious about it being there.
- P Agenda, figure it out. How will I know?
- P Frustrated about ādonāt even startā
- P āI have to be good at thisā protecting:
- E voiceless, powerless.
- P āAdult selfā, invalidating, shutting down other parts.
2ļøā£
- P The mask. Having to get it right. Thinks im 7 (maybe). Needs me to get more sleep.
- E humiliation
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381: ā«ļø Mio A. revisits
šø The cost of youthfulness; making sense of āYouāre uglyā
2ļøā£ The precious house, where the little girl was almost strangled to death.
š¹ Parts:
- P Everything is my fault, im a monster, im selfish.
- P Afraid of change, the new relationship, having someone say he loves me
- P āI'm able to make somebody feel good??ā Afraid I will soar too high
- P/E? Iāll go under if someone leaves (and if i'm not ugly).
- E knotted up, fear stricken, awaiting ultimate punishment. Nothing stays, nothing to hold on to, everything leaves. Maybe 5-8
2ļøā£
- Ice cold exclusion, utter despair and pain
- Panic: āif he sees behind the mask, sees how ugly I am, then he will leave me tooā
- E: 6, 7, 8 - grandma disappearing is all my fault. Taking on gaurdian's shame. Have to put on a mask to show the world What a good granddaughter I am, Grandad and mom never talked to me about it. Nasty kettle. Bottomless guilt. Mom will do anything to tame that strong will. Wants a desert, place without walls, nothing hard, without judgement, can sink into sand.
š What I'd like to do differently:
Donāt know. Maybe not much. Felt bad ending the call where we did but it didnāt seem too disruptive. Not sure how to handle when a part says ādonāt leaveā and I'm like āok time to goā. Iāll try to get Mio in again soon, but I'm also curious how she handles it on her own.
2ļøā£
Kept my foot on the gas the whole time; not stopping to check with every protector. Felt right.
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380: Theresa A. revisits
šø Getting to matter
š¹ Parts:
- P: Realist, tired of the rollercoaster
- P: Enthusiasm & Inspiration
- P: We've done this before
- E: Dismissible. Gymnast. Just wanted her mom to care. Not allowed to have reaction to being told no.
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379: ā«ļø Olivia A. revisits
šø 1ļøā£ Beyond committed. The art and science of figuring out your entire self
2ļøā£ Deep down bad parts. Itās crazy the way kids are treated.
š 1ļøā£ Olivia Followed up: i will say-- i actually wish i talked more about this on the pod but the mdma aftermath isn't always a treat, there are actually some big feelings of turmoil afterwards, you kind of feel like your life is a mess for a couple weeks because stuff is hitting you. i felt that way and my friend also felt that way... but the ensuing clarity and breakthroughs are worth it
it's like you're ripped open a bit and then enable to heal
though the healing still requires a good amount of work or at least it did in my case, i found it hard to even do my job for a week, and i was constantly feeling like, how do i figure out this maze of feels?!
james: āØIve not experienced that negative side, but maybe I had less I was needing (or willing) to heal
Olivia: āØi'm definitely willing to believe it's different for everyone
my friend for instance, i dont think she would even say she did a lot of work to get to her breakthrough
she was just a mess for 2 weeks and then had kind of a sudden realization
š¹ Parts:
- P: holds tension, clenching chest, hanging on to sense of dread. Needs manager not rush on to new shiney
- P: manager āif I donāt watch this how will I learnā a person glued to the screen
- P: tape playing, carrying the memories. I love my memories!
- P: managers are bad! Read the IFS book!
š What I'd like to do differently:
1ļøā£ Do differently? No; whatever got me here, to this place, with this person, makes me glad I did everything the way did.
Cynical part's answer: quit Live IFS, start Live MDMA.
2ļøā£ Itās been 2+ weeks of high stress / high stakes stuff for me. I've been increasingly concerned about the effects on my health, multiple ailments reappearing. Today was *my* do whatever day, finally vacation day. I just lounged around, fed the crows, stretched a lot, ate what & when I wanted, skipped exercise (and that ~hour of call prep I normally do). So this was fitting.
When I start getting sick, my āfigure it outā part takes over, researching like mad, making a project out of it, documenting everything, reviewing old notes. But lately I've been working with it more, taking it seriously, and allowing that process to complete. Then I actually arrive at āI've read enough, made enough todos and appts, time for that part to rest. Let's try calm, space, and see what intuition (now more informed) brings.
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378: Christine A. revisits
šø What are the consequences of being vulnerable? Of trusting men? An experiment.
š¹ Parts:
- Ps: Put it all out there v. hold back
- E: 14 responsible, get a job, romantic partners
- E: love and acceptance from male role models
š What I'd like to do differently:
Do differently: prepare better for midday calls, I'm often a little slow out of the gate. Grateful for Christine's leadership, which refocused the session multiple times.
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377: Justine A. revisits
šø Doing it wrong and the real fear chat with James.
š¹ Parts:
- P: Judgement about watching tv, should be more noble and spiritual. Puts a bow on it, labeling it. Too much content. Stuff going on at 3 is a boring old story. Frustrated others canāt read my mind. Where do i fit in? (Same burden as exiles)
- P: āYouāre not real and you donāt belongā (same as above?)
- P: fear of above, of it taking over. Just needs the physical needs met, tuck in at night.
- E: 7 yo protected by p1
- E: 5 yo unseen
š What I'd like to do differently:
Day 4 of deep relaxation, a personal vacation, have been doing lots of my own parts work. I'd like to do more to maintain continuity; "doing it wrong" gives us these glimpses, and when they're share with me (not Justine-Self), I should take more responsibility for following up.
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375: Pro: Alethea Hanna with Alex
šø Alethea Hanna is a trauma recovery coach with IFS Level II training. She is passionate about the IFS model and looks forward to the day when everyone can regularly experience the relief of looking at and listening to their parts with love. She can be reached at alethea.hanna@gmail.com
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374: Onyx A. revisits
šø Overwhelmed puzzler, a problem I'm not in the middle of.
š¹ Parts:
- Walking in a pool of grief
- Crying when thinking about being held
- The clouds, donāt know, not sure, canāt place things, feel lost
- Overwhelmed, about parts, work, about life. You donāt understand how complex that is.
- Sad about the overwhelmed
- Puzzler Figure it out
- Pusher
š What I'd like to do differently:
I canāt explain every decision made in targeting. We can move quickly, I want to keep looking out for it being too quick.
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373: Genie A. revisits
šø A floating freight train
š¹ Parts:
- Bullshit detector
- Freight train of sadness
- Get a compliment then fall apart
š What I'd like to do differently:
I coulda been a little quicker on the draw. Kinda feel that way about all my calls. But. I have time. I rarely regret taking it
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372: Mio A. revisits
šø Hot date heartache. Making it safe to want.
š¹ Parts:
- P: the deep well. Feeling left out, parts that are hurt. iām not acceptable, thereās something wrong with me, im ugly, old, unlovable. longing to be loved and recognized but asking for it will bring ridicule
- P: scared, hopeless, it will swallow me up. The want is too big.Ā
- P: judge. who do you think you are, you want too much. Judging the anger of:
- E: (same as first?) angry 2 year old hitting her sister. felt robbed, little sister sucked up all the oxygen. Needs told sheās adorable and lovable and amazing! Wants to be held and also let go. I have to be angry cuz if not, I will die. Cut the cords to the surveillance apparatus.
- P: angry, being punished by God
- E: 6-7 yo experience the loss. angry. Everything I do is wrong! Am I really this monster? Shunted away
š What I'd like to do differently:
Faster targeting. I know I sound off, a little short. Not feeling tip-top today. And parts increasingly frustrated w my yielding to story-telling. Maybe we should start charging by the hour. Joke. But I imagine the constraint of a 1-hour time limit used by most professionals has its upsides. āYes you could tell me a storyā¦ and now we have 48 minutes to do the workā¦ā I'm not complaining from a āwaste my timeā part, thatās not it. More like āI could serve better if I had some policy hereā.
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371: Theresa A. revisits
šø Family loss. She needed there to be more of a network
š¹ Parts:
- P: minimizer. This is fine now, nothing to see here. Family image protector. Never look back. Doesnāt want a bunch of whining, itās weak to be bothered by things that arenāt horrible. āSelf likeā is not gonna get the job done
- E: kid from whom something was taken. There werenāt other adults. I want my auntie. Too much focus on her. Nobody explained.
š What I'd like to do differently:
Once I was certain about Theresaās connection w exile, I relaxed and let some other of my parts (who love talking shop w T) step in. Maybe not ideal. But definitely better than starting a session that way.
As for the concept of "inviting the Self of someone elseās parts", it's never felt right to me. If someone was not good to me, who am I serving by imagining they were? Self can do anything for its parts; āI am here, I can go to where you are, and hereās how I would helpā builds trust and heals, in the present. Or Self can "see that these were parts of [other person], and have compassion for their systemā, in the present. But I think "imagine he was good to you" risks invalidating a part's experience.
Responding to āshe needed those relationships not to endā I could have reiterated, "what did she need from someone (you), given those relationships were ending."
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370: Charlotte A. revisits
šø Overwhelming beauty: Charlotte's wins and/or "too high on life"
š What I'd like to do differently:
Climate control new IFS room. Oh, it was Frank Anderson saying "source", not Jay Early.
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369: Bee A. revisits
šø The one who won't use her voice
š What I'd like to do differently:
Something. Not sure.
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368: Olivia A. revisits
šø MDMA. Hide the body parts!
*Note: Olivia is not a pot head
š¹ Parts:
- P: The ones who block the body partĀ fear. Manager canāt step back cuz no analysis and method. Afraid of fear of Gatekeeper.
- P: ābodyā part,Ā best thing ever, gives joy meaning. Expansive access. Leads to:
- E: Grief of losing exĀ if I find out, Im irredeemable, everything is ruined.
š What I'd like to do differently:
I had my own sense of "futility", not in a bad way. It was when we realized gatekeepers just want Self's presence, so why am I talking? It can feel kinda haha self-defeating.
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367: Christine A. - first call
šø People donāt take you seriously when youāre excited
š¹ Parts:
- P: School teacher: You shouldnāt be this excited. You make a fool of yourself, you overwhelm people with the way you are.. donāt be embarrassing. calm equals effective. Rather be helping w understanding. Thinks im 7.
- P: Excited. Why are you raining on our parade?
- P: Efficient
- E: 15yo got really excited, jumped up on desk. Get in trouble. Get banished. Disconnection
- E: 7, maybe, finally spoke up and regretted it
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366: Justine A. revisits
šø Unboxing "Spoiling Christmas"
š¹ Parts:
- P (target) has to do it all or else nothing will get done. On its own
- P trying to create the magic of Christmas
- P this commercial stuff bullshit
- P worth from things , the currency of love
- P you have to be the best, youāre not doing it right.
- P the elves. Exiles too dangerous!:
- PE: told ruined Xmas , shroud over!
- E black sheep. Age 5. I'm on my own and no one is coming. Thereās no one who knows me the way I need to be known. Not fair that I was the difficult one. There's nobody. Angry
š What I'd like to do differently:
If it wasnāt audio-only, I can imagine saying even less. Justine asks for my guidance when she needs it, and doesnāt when she doesnāt.
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365: Elena A. revisits (J edit)
šø Pushing
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363: Genie A. revisits
šø Another lovely day at the park. The unfinished bits, untangling, rewinding.
š Genie followed up:
i had made a conscious decision before that session, to fully 'go there' - wherever 'there' was - and not to 'try' doing anything - no figuring, no thinking, no looking for answers, no wondering how i was coming across, whether it was 'real' or not, no trying to be...anything/something or other. kind of like a trust falling exercise. just let go and do it. the reason being, i wanted to know once and for all if i could trust this IFS thing. and best way to find out was to see how it felt when iĀ was at my most vulnerable.Ā i think the whole - 'you don't have much time left, make a choice' vs 'evaluate, consider, reflect before jumping in' parts were actually about that. about making a choice about ifs. and it was kinda mind blowing. i let go, i fell - and it was all good. better than good! it wasn't just about trusting ifs - it was about trusting me, trusting you and me, trusting not just that i would be safe - but that there would actually be positive benefits - like i would be.... hmm, different? changed? more? ... can't quite find the word - but better in some way that was more than just not being hurt or feeling unsafe. i'm still really grateful and appreciative of all the skeptical, risk management, requiring proof/data, be careful parts - cos they helped me figure out how to conduct this experiment. and they have sure kept me safe in the past! they still can't fully explain the outcome of the experiment - but they accept the results. which were basically a big fat - go for it! lol. so justĀ wanted to explain that and let you know how grateful i amĀ to you! i meanĀ - i didn't even tell you that you were part of anĀ experiment - (which now feels a little unethical! sorry!) and the end result was - that despite those doubtful parts not being able to explain how this whole thing works - they can see that it does.
š¹ Parts:
- make choices now. No time to waste. Agitates, gives energy. Choices are not always life and death. Just pick one. Itās irresponsible to waste your time and talent. You might as well be dead
- regret, more like reflecting summarizing. We canāt make a choice without evaluating. Protects a:
- cute little child/multiple ages who is lost. They like butterflies
- sadness overwhelms. Doesnāt know how to not overwhelm. Where does it come from?! āI aināt nice, you donāt wanna get to know meāā¦ itās a long story. Needs james to pass the test re calm, no sirens.
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362: Pro: Alethea Hanna with Alex
šø Alethea Hanna is a trauma recovery coach with IFS Level II training. She is passionate about the IFS model and looks forward to the day when everyone can regularly experience the relief of looking at and listening to their parts with love.
She can be reached atĀ alethea.hanna@gmail.com.
š What Alethea would like to do differently:
I should have ended the session sooner. I think both of us were motivated by the desire for Alex to experience a satisfying shift, which made me less attentive to the parts of myself that were starting to feel tired. There is a segment (1:55:52-2:07:54) when we're discussing whether to keep going that I would have edited out (so feel free to fast forward there!) This is where I should have ended the session, assuring Alex that we would meet again. Fortunately she was able to spend time with a key part after that, so all's well that ends well.
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361: Mio A. revisits
šø The diplomat & actress.
š¹ Parts:
- Accommodating calm veneer until overload. Rather be pampering me. thinks im 6-7. Is this the same as?:
- Big sister guilt, everything is my fault. If Iām not accommodating, Iām bad.
- The young one, (same as blue overalls?) she is so torn because sheās getting the message that everything is her fault. Made her feel so alone and so unprotected. And so trapped, she canāt do anything over again.. I want to hold your hand (w little sister allies).
- 2.5yo so angry my sister! I wanted one so much
- Grade school sneaky math, grades
- Teen
š What I'd like to do differently:
Experimenting with hitting the gas, striking while the iron's hot; Mio's a veteran. Maybe with hindsight I would do differently but it all felt right at the time.
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360: Theresa A. revisits (J edit)
šø Hold on. What is the point if the problem is big and huge and not in here?
š Theresa followed up:
Hi. thanks again for your time and help last night. I was just thinking, when people ask me right before a trip if I am "excited" , I always think, "I'll be excited when the plane takes off, until then, there is SO much to do and things to take care of, it just feels like a marathon of chores.". Anyway, I hope your trip is beautiful. I wanted to ask more about what it was that you were hoping to accomplish there, but I couldn't tell if you really wanted to say more.
Last night I stayed with the little girl part for a few minutes. I am now pretty sure that she is more kindergarten age than 3/4. But she does also have memories of older ages than that, too.
When you left us, we were entering a carnival type place with rides. We got on a ferris wheel at her suggestion. A self like part appeared, I noticed. So I told her that she could ride with us if she wanted to, but that I was taking care of the little girl, she didn't need to do that. Then it was just me and the girl. While the ferris wheel was moving, she wanted to show me all of the feelings that she could feel. She threw a little tantrum, not at me, but just because she was allowed to. She showed sadness, and was also loud, and "bored". I was not allowed to express boredom as a kid, as it seemed to make my mom mad. She would often say with great disdain , almost disgust in her voice "I WISH I had time to be bored!". That was a surprising one.
After that she wanted to go back and tell my mom how she could have done better, so we went there and told my mom that all feelings were valid. This one was a loving redo, in that she was not interested in expressing anger at my mom. She seemed to understand that my mom didn't know how to do it right. So we told her that all feelings were allowed, and that her job was not to edit them, but rather to teach her child how to express them in ways that were healthy. At home among those who love you should be a place where you can do that. Anyway, that is my update.
š What I'd like to do differently:
Dunno. I'm taking a gamble by talking over her, but also if I ignore parts talking over the exile. When Theresa is in Self and oriented, she can move with lightning speed. But we get stuck sometimes disagreeing on direction. She keeps reporting that it's working, so maybe I shouldn't do much differently.
Also do differently: never edit a podcast again. If Ivan is away, we wait!
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359: Onyx A. revisits
šø A beautiful mess
š¹ Parts:
- The clouds: messy! Self doubt -> check out
- Small shrinking feeling wanting to disappear - shame. (Exile we plan to go to)
- Anxious re going to above
- Tired of anxious- stop being so messy, inefficient in IFS
- Sadness
š What I'd like to do differently:
Exactly how I felt getting into it: "this is just a room of children, I know how to handle this."
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358: Charlotte A. revisits
šøATJOS: You guys can talk & cry all you want (in these session), I'll be here doing the real things
š Charlotte followed up: Superfun session and I love my failure list. Ten solid failures and my Defeated Part is feeling very seen. Thank you.
š What I'd like to do differently:
Day 3 of deep relaxation (trying to see how much it affects an ailment of mine). But I always regret skipping much of my call prep.
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357:ā«ļø Olivia A. revisits
šø 1ļøā£Ā Progress tracking toward knowing the secrets of the universe.
***
2ļøā£Ā A baby! Is this real? Going into the grief.
š What I'd like to do differently:
2ļøā£
Itās times like these when I feel most dumb. But also most redundant, so it kinda works out.
Seems without exception: when mother is rocking baby, I can only get in the way.Ā
P: "James talking sooo muchāā¦ yeah ok, but, was that from an agenda part? I wanted my only agenda to be connection.
P: āBut james you werenāt connecting you were talking too muchā. Maybe. But I think I know what connecting is. I know agenda part better than I ever have, and I know its exile, and itās context. Agenda part already said itās not the connector, it's the figure outer. So how much hugging do we expect from it?Ā
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356: Bee A. revisits
šøEverybody leaves when theyāre happy
š Bee followed up:
I listened to the session you and I did together (#327) and I wept in gratitude for your patience and guidance and I wept for the parts that were met. Thatās a different space than I usually go to. I noticed there was no one saying Listen to your voice! What were you thinking?Ā
Just tears of compassion and so much gratitude.
š· Parts:
- P: If I am too happy, I'll leave everyone I love
- P: why would you wanna talk to her? Sheās never gonna amount to much, but sheās fine.
- E: āThe disabled oneā. Everybody leaves when theyāre happy. Nobody expects me to change, no opportunity to change. No purpose if nobodyās hurting. Allowed to be useful, not happy.
š What I'd like to do differently:
Something. When Bee is unsure of whoās who, I need a better way to ascertain and help us get clear. But her Self is present, maybe āIFS by any other name is just as sweetā, and there's not much I need to do differently. I was hesitant to offer other steps with part since their connection was so strong.
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355: Justine A. revisits
šø The dad shield
š¹ Parts:
- Red: Never good enough.Ā You cant get it right. Cynic. Holds dad shield
- E: Little spider part. 8yo. Wearing all black in black place, wants to let it rip. Forgot the socks (school play).
- P: self like part (the older one who sits on rage in a box)
š What I'd like to do differently:
Let Justine know what an honor it is
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354: Daniel A. revisits
šø Carl Jung learns IFS
š What I'd like to do differently:
Trying something new: walking during this call. In the past we haven't gone ultra slow, so I wanted to see if movement would help me keep up. It didn't, I quit after ~20m.
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353: Sienna A. revisits
šø Appreciating the compliment repeller, Sienna with another high score!
š¹ Parts:
- The shield, the complement repeller, it saves me from disappointment. Donāt let it get to your head. And the higher you go the longer you fall. And youāre not all good anyway. You are undeserving. Because you have.:
- A bad part, told so in school. We canāt go there or else it will be confirmed and then:
- Kill myself
- The warm place, where the compliments go, itās outside
- An anxiety of being present, without someone else holding that space
- Peacekeeper, difficulty being assertive,
- Feeling cared for is foreign. Normal people have a warm place in their heart where everythingās good. Undeserving of that care.
š What I'd like to do differently:
Somewhere in the 4th quarter I took my foot off the gas, which might have been the right move considering all the parts we met. But whenever I go off script, itās a lot easier for my parts to take over, start blabbing, etc. Seems we came in for a soft landing but maybe got lucky.
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352: Genie A. revisits
šø āI donāt know what I believe anymoreā, radiating oceanic love (for fuckās sake!), and reactions to calls w Bee.
š¹ Parts:
- Helped off a tight rope.
- You donāt comprehend how big, complicated, dangerous the world is. She wants proof, presence.
- You need to stop doing this IFS nonsense.
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351: Mio A. revisits
šø Triggered. "When I was 5 I liked to tie my belt so tight..."
š What I'd like to do differently:
Obviously my own parts are triggered at start of call (yes, published with approval). We're "just chatting"; I'm not asking those parts of me for space. But plenty of missteps.
I kept trying to call on my curiosity in the beginning but ā¦ fitness *does* prevent chaos, create safety. I'm trying to get clear on what parts are involved. And after her story my parts are saying "How awful! Letās both put down the IFS, stop looking for childhood connections...ā
Then I'm yielding to the story teller. I'd like to address it more directly, but fortunately I think it merely slows us down, doesnāt stop us.
When she very first mentioned that 5 year-old, it stuck out to me as a part/memory we had not encountered before. For the next 20-30 minutes she's searching for parts to change her relationship with, and I'm stopping myself from suggesting: how about we go and see about that five-year-old. I'm celebrating my noticing/intuition, but also wishing I spoke for it sooner.
-----
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350: Clare A. revisits
šø The answer, what you've been waiting for: Whatās in the box??
š What I'd like to do differently:
Maybe I'm making too many assumptions.
Feeling great. I started a new parts-work protocol about 3 days ago and this was day one of focusing on my ābestā box, the biggest one still in shadow. IFS is the best.
Oh and my ego-assasin (whom I met this morning) wants me to include some caveats about how maybe I just got lucky, Clare should get most/all credit, and also weāre all gonna die anyway, and also Iām sure to fail or have a shitty call soon so donāt bet on me.
(Watch out for him! Heās just as ruthless with others' egos too!)
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349: Charlotte A. revisits
šø The show must go on, a kick into chaos, and a James exile.
š 'References to oranges was from a not-published convo. James' reference, "I like my stuff" etc comes from the best youtube video ever: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg
š¹ Parts:
- P: Self (-like?) Relaxed is blissful, euphoric, delicious, exotic. Expansive awareness (but why canāt I just have my state without the interruptions!) Canāt make myself understood and hassled by the need to.
- P: Striving to be on top of it all. Trying to make an impression. Hit the marks, Get the pose right. 21, self is like smothering mom.
- E: 14, 8 some little neuroses. Being dismissed. Unwelcome in convo. Chaos on set. Wants to have fun adult convo. Rather be biking or at pond.
š What I'd like to do differently:
I donāt know if itās ADHD or a herniated disc, but I literally cannot sit in one chair for two hours straight. Maybe thatās a good thing. Iām just saying it here because it explains my fading presence towards the end of this call. Charlotte goes above and beyond in her homework, and the story teller seemed present throughout our visit w exile, so I chose quantity over quality.
I still suspect the delicious exotic maybe a feel-good part
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348: Theresa A. revisits
šø Cosmic baby's collisionĀ
š Theresa Followed up:
Thanks again for the help James. š That was a surprising session. I had it in my mind that it was going to be arduous, that I was going to be exhausted after. Not the case.Ā I guess I should know by now not to try to predict.Ā It's coming together, how those three parts are connected. Pops, Defiance, and the cosmic infant. āØ Protector, fire fighter, and (now) cherished little one who I'm no longer afraid of. š¤ Thanks for helping me be with them. Especially Pops. THAT was arduous, given all the resistance from the rest of the crew. Feel like he was the key to some locked doors that were now starting to open.Ā
š What I'd like to do differently:
Unsure about how to help people + babies. They said there wouldnāt be a manual after all. A vastness of experience for me too. Itās like all the emotions, like this elation and celebration and also hush!
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347: Onyx A. - first call
šø All around anxious
š· Parts:
- I want to disappear
- critic
- anxious about safety or ability to land
- Hinders me from doing new things
- annoyed with anxious
- Iām trying to get some stuff done
- Afraid I wouldnāt make itā¦
- Tearing up about how much time I spend not feeling safe.
š What I'd like to do differently:
I had some anxious parts up the whole time. New caller with some quick shifts that I didn't interpreting so well. In hindsight I see itās her clarity, but in the moment I donāt know that. The first part she brought up was ānot wanting to be hereā (suicidal sounding) combined w strong anxiety and occasional nonverbals (laughter, tears) has my parts on edge. But feeling more confident now that I see that itās clarity, intuition, and ADHD. Still I would like to get more confident and stay curious in these situations too.
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346: Olivia A. revisits
šø "I'm sad about a plant." Witnessing the inherent trauma of existing. The first noble truth.
š¹ Parts:
- There must be another way to resolve this, we canāt figure out a rational answer until the exile is healed
- Weird to tell parents
- Futile parts
- How can I feel like the world is a good place when I rely on their death to live
- Canāt grieve anything cuz I'd have to grieve everything
š What I'd like to do differently:
Keep going (in myself).
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345: Bee A. revisits
šø Meaning without the making. A little closer to home.
š¹ Parts:
- P: Meaning maker. To avoid regret and get belonging.
- P: Afraid of losing control (is making me sick) āsee what happens when you donāt think ahead?ā Plan better!
- P: Cloud: how could you ever do all that writing?
- E: Wants to belong. Wants spotlight for more than her problems.
- E: a bother to others
- P: if you see her as well, youāll stop taking care of yourself
š What I'd like to do differently:
Day 4 of poor sleep.
In our last call I hinted at the idea of going more direct to exiles. It was intentional, but I could have been more upfront in getting permission, etc. Experiment. I wasnāt checking in enough w Self's presence around exile though.
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344: Justine A. revisits
šø Wins, apps & systems, and efficient parts work!
š Justing followed up:
I listened to Bee #310 this morning. Terrible insomnia so you both kept me company. Such a moving session (#2 particularly), and your clarity of defining the steps at the end was great. I noted them down. Because I always forget what to do when I try and do solo work (what question am I supposed to ask now? What happens next?). So I wrote them down in Notes. And then I turned to my system and put the recorder on. It was good. I *think I got all the way to unburdening a young part by following the steps. I made it methodical and I gave total permission to my system to be experimental and play. No expectation of outcome. No judgement of method.
And this is what I want to do for now. Need to do maybe. I need to claim the process and make it mine, so it isnāt just once a fortnight/month with you. That doesnāt feel like itās really honouring or even loving my system. I mean itās great, I love the calls with you, thereās a relief even in handing over the witness / holding space roll, or rather having my witness (Self) be witnessed and held. AND I want to be meeting my system all the time, as a complete and intrinsic part of my every day life. I canāt know my system well if itās only you taking notes.
Anyhoo, those are my thoughts. And thatās all to say that Iām going to continue with this grand experiment around the parts we spoke about above. Iāll keep you posted (and Iāll keep my calls booked with you too š)
- P - 14yo Fearful of overwhelm going deep today, thinking part in a hammock , perfect vantage point
- E - Lonely fearful, wants to weep and wail. Filling the oceans of the world w its tears. No one cared, no one listened, and when they were there, they turned away.
š What I'd like to do differently:
I knew I was letting parts speak when I got into the ChatGPT etc stuff. So nice to trust Justine-Self to guide us back, feels very 1+1=10
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343: Sienna A. revisits
šø Stop eating, I hate you, Kill yourself, I got you.
š¹ Parts:
- Stop eating! Self hate because ate, failed, regret. Youāre a glutton. Large (like mom) is ugly, disgusting, dirty. Thinks im 16-17
- No, you can be large and happy
- Cynical youāre not gonna fix this, so you are wasting your time
- 12-16 she has an eating disorder, I want attention like her
š What I'd like to do differently:
I knew Sienna was traveling, not settled, so I opted for a little more explaining, a little less directing. Also followed up w suicide prevention info and reminded her of all the things I'm NOT an expert in (eating disorders, suicide, therapy/counseling, IFS)
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342: Genie A. revisits
šø IFS is pointless, Genie's a s@#%, shut it down.
š Genie Followed up:
Thanks James. That was pretty important I think. š„° š¤ š
A lot of gifts in that. Hope I can do them justice.
feel like there are some precious things that I need to care of. Not quite sure how yet, but.....
Oh!! I think that might be a sort of self quality? Maybe? Taking care of precious things?
Oh my.
š¹ Parts:
- P: Have to make Genie feel bad, so she at least knows her effect on people. Makes her withdraw so she doesnāt get rolled over:
- E: Stop existing, doormat
- P: Why is it so fucking scary Leads to:
- P: Shut down and then
- P: Perky part!
š What I'd like to do differently:
Didnāt have full permission to go to āyouāre shitā. And maybe I was having too much fun at times, but ābe more seriousā didn't feel like the right moveā¦. Coulda been more efficient w "shut down", it was clear about things that I overasked about.
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341: Mio A. revisits
šø The Supercontroller: brush your teeth, go to school, no more eating.
š¹ Parts:
- 13.5 yo anorexic
- 7-8 yo helpless in the chaos. If i wasnāt ugly why wasnāt I loved.
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340: ā«ļø Clare A. revisits
šø 1ļøā£ Choppinā it up with the tired part *** 2ļøā£ Where is the love? š¹ Parts: 1ļøā£
- - P: The bug out part: run! (from the ridiculousness)
- - P: Tired. They are to blame - get out! It sweeps, keeps it clean inside. Thinks Clare is 12. (Shh donāt go there!) Rather be fishing. Donāt open the doors it gets cold. Cooking showā¦ no mess there, sleep cleans mess. Needs a wagon to put all the stuff in and a broom. Wants to be listened to. Why 12?
2ļøā£
- - P: Donāt lose the love! Whoās in charge here?
- - P: go do something else youāre wasting your time. Stop worrying
- - E: worried hopeless, hurt. Lover
- - P: tired dont communicate w worried! This will get messy. Everything was fine, stop disrupting parts. Now there are loose ends. Think Iām 12. Wants closure. Donāt vomit all over everything.. concerned about baby.
- - P: Armor, sponge thinks Im 37 š What I'd like to do differently: 1ļøā£ I got a lot of love for sleepy parts. I could have directed toward unblending, but I stuck w curiosity instead. I'm doing a lot of dot-connecting, which maybe was not a great move. Just wanted to see where it might take us. 2ļøā£ I was on the fence re: revisiting, going deeper w exile. Wanted to respect tired and distracted parts. Plus my own energy was kinda weak.
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