Take charge of your thoughts, take charge of your life! On Love & Life, Dr. Karin explores research-based methods for happy, hopeful, positive living! She delves into all the good stuff—how to have true intimacy in romantic relationships, more meaningful friendships, healthier family connections, and more fulfilling careers. Each episode leaves listeners with a Love & Life Hack—a quick fix to improve your emotional wellness TODAY!
It’s time for another Love & Life Q&A episode! We have three questions to tackle today.
1. One listener wants to know how to ask a guy out. She lives in Ireland and finds Irish men are often hesitant to take the lead. Can she ask him out while still dating empowered?
2. A second listener struggles to find the motivation to date after a year of lockdowns and Covid malaise. But she’s in her late 30s and worries about her biological clock. Why is it such a struggle? What can she do to motivate herself?
3. A third listener wonders how to let guys know she’s interested—she’s been told she’s too closed off and appears aloof in the early stages of dating. So in her last relationship, she tried to be open, honest, and vulnerable, but she got ghosted anyway! She now regrets it because looking back she felt much “schmoopier” with this guy—which wasn’t comfortable for her. How can she express interest while still dating empowered?
Join us for a deep dive into these common—and frustrating—dating dilemmas!
Single is the New Black - Audiobook
Sometimes, if we’ve been single for a while—or longer than a while—we begin to doubt ourselves. We wonder why love seems so hard to find. Are we doing something wrong? Is there a particular quality we’re missing? What are men looking for anyway? Well, here’s the good news. You have exactly what your person is looking for! I promise. And, it’s not just my opinion, it’s what science says! Psychologist David Buss studied men and women in 37 different cultures/countries and found that both sexes desire the same four qualities in their spouses. Join me for an empowering and confidence boosting episode—you have everything you need to attract your person to you!
Buss, D. (1989). Sex differences in human mate preferences: Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 12, 1-14.
Welch, D. (2015). Love factually: 10 proven steps from I wish to I do. Love Science Media.
Download the app here: https://therappy.onelink.me/mNmu/92326bf9
Single is the New Black - Audiobook
On Love & Life we talk about beliefs all the time—because they’re incredibly powerful and they impact every area of our lives—especially our love life. What we believe about ourselves and what we believe we have to offer a partner sets the tone we bring to our dating efforts and experiences. And sometimes, we hold beliefs that assert influence over us, but we don’t even know we hold these beliefs! On today’s episode, psychotherapist turned dating coach, Melanie Hersch, and I explore how we can harness our beliefs and level up our mindset for empowered dating!
Join us to learn how to:
reprogram limiting beliefs about our self-worth.
identify the stories we tell ourselves—which may, in fact, be lies!
be vulnerable without providing too much information too soon!
recognize when we’re triggered so as not to blame and shame our partner.
establish boundaries early on when dating—boundaries which establish precedents for how you desire to be treated throughout the relationship.
Incorporating her psychotherapist background into her coaching philosophy, Melanie brings clarity and expertise to our podcast conversation and her approach to dating and relationships!
Download the app here: https://therappy.onelink.me/mNmu/92326bf9
Single is the New Black - Audiobook
Sexless in the city? Isn’t that a contradiction in terms? In our hyper-sexualized culture, it appears everyone is hooking up without concern—giving no thought whatsoever to the impact casual encounters have on our soul and psyche. But this perception may not be the reality—it certainly isn’t for blogger and author Kat Harris. Kat has thought deeply about sex—its place in her life as a Christian, single woman and its role in society in general. Kat talks about her new book, Sexless in the City: A Sometimes Sassy, Sometimes Painful, Always Honest Look at Dating, Desire, and Sex. Specifically, we delve into:
The vastly different expectations we have of men and women when it comes to managing our sex drive.
The trending and controversial topic of “modest is hottest.”
How casual sex “flattens” our humanity.
The “friend zone” and what we sometimes do to get ourselves stuck there.
Daddy issues and attraction to unavailable men.
Join us for—as the book’s title promises—a sometimes sassy, sometimes painful, and always honest look at dating, desire, and sex.
Download the free app here: https://app.appsflyer.com/id1484587490?pid=af3236943
Single is the New Black - Audiobook
I’ve rolled out a few reels over the last couple months talking about cultivating an empowered mindset for empowered dating! But unfortunately, for some of you watching overseas, the audio won’t play when music is placed behind the vocal track (perhaps it’s a licensing issue in some countries?) When I learned some of you weren’t able to hear the audio, I figured the best way to work around this problem would be to share the reels via a podcast episode. So, here it is! Let me know your favorite reels and if you have any topics you’d like me to address—via reels or in a Love Smarter, Not Harder IGTV—please head over to my website to let me know how I can be of help!
Download the free app here: https://app.appsflyer.com/id1484587490?pid=af3236943
Single is the New Black - Audiobook
Tausha Pearson would tell you, “It all started with a ‘crazy’ single mom tax return…” “Crazy” meaning—she had a chunk of money she didn’t need. So, she took that tax return and spent it on a trip to Haiti. While touring Haitian orphanages with 11 social work interns, Tausha learned 80% of the orphans had families who desperately wanted them home but couldn’t afford to feed and educate them. In addition to this sad reality, she discovered rampant sexual abuse occurring in every orphanage they visited. Tausha couldn’t unsee this devastation; she took action by creating Haiti Mama—an organization devoted to providing parents with services and employment to help families remain intact. Tausha is a disrupter—she disrupted ineffective (and abusive!) child welfare practices and implemented support to reunite Haitian families! Join us to hear Tausha’s inspiring story and learn how you can be a part of the Haiti Mama mission!
Single is the New Black - Audiobook
Have you heard? You can now listen to my book, Single is the New Black: Don’t Wear White ‘til it’s Right! It’s available on Audible and iTunes! To celebrate the release of the audio version, I wanted to provide a chapter as a podcast episode so you could get a feel for the book and what it’s all about. It’s essentially the book I wish had been available to me when I was still single and, as a matter of fact, I started writing it when I was still single. I was so tired of reading self-help books that made me feel worse about myself—books that tried to convince me I was doing something horribly wrong or I that I was fundamentally flawed and that’s why I was still single. So, like I said, I wrote the book I couldn’t find but wanted to read! (I go into more depth and share the backstory of why I wrote the book in ep. 90 so if that interests you, please check out that episode.)
I wasn’t sure which chapter to share and I considered chapter 3 because when I was single, people often told me I was too picky and my standards were too high. But then I thought, why don’t I ask YOU which chapter you’d like to hear? So, I posted a poll in my stories and I’m glad I did because the chapter that received the most votes was chapter 11—Quit Worrying About Being Alone Forever: Fear is a Powerful thing.
Everyone who’s been single longer than they’d hoped to be has encountered this fear. And many of us have made some soul crushing decisions because of it. I hope the chapter encourages you and provides you with some strategies for tackling loneliness and the fear that so often accompanies it.
You asked for it, you got it! Chapter 11: Quit Worrying About Being Alone Forever: Fear is a Powerful thing.
Single is the New Black - Audiobook
If you’ve dated a passive man or TRIED to date a passive man—because he never got around to asking you out—this episode is for you! As empowered women, we’ve been raised to take charge and take action, but does that work for us when dating? Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson is back to share his thoughts on male passivity—what it’s about and how to handle it!
Elliott and I discuss:
Why women who’ve experienced mother wounds may be more likely to be attracted to passive men.
The definition of interdependence and how it’s VERY different from codependence.
Why most women would rather know their man’s heart and disagree with his thoughts than not know him and feel alienated from him.
What Elliott has learned after working with hundreds of men. Spoiler alert: NONE of these passive men have been okay with their passivity. They’ve always loathed that part of their personality.
Why letting a man choose you helps us stop choosing passive men.
How to be a cheerleader for your man without running things and taking a leadership role.
Why we need to reexamine our assumptions about anxious attachment style.
The reality that a woman can’t make a man assertive.
There’s hope for passive men and the women who love them. Join us for a deep dive into this intense and complex concern.
Lisa Cleary went through a bad breakup at age 31. In addition to grieving the demise of her relationship, she lost her job and ended up homeless. She slept on friends’ sofas for months. She felt defeated and demoralized—this was not where she expected to be at 31. And while her life unraveled, her friends’ lives seemed to play out perfectly. Lisa got knocked down hard, but through her pain and struggle, she developed grit and perspective. She shares her experience in her book, How to Survive a Breakup: When All of Your Friends Are Birthing Their Second Child, and she joins us to discuss the question, “Can anything good come from a bad breakup?”
Specifically she delves into:
Toxic Milestones: the tendency for women to berate themselves if they’re “missing the mark”
How she felt the need to “prove her worth” with the perfect relationship and high-powered job
The problem with being a Type A personality when dating
Trying to make a relationship something it isn’t meant to be
The beauty in honoring the “process”—as opposed to the relentless focus on the “outcome”
Join us to consider the “good” we can glean from “bad” in various realms of love and life!
In this Love & Life Q&A episode, I answer 3 questions:
1. How can I tell if the attraction I feel for someone is healthy? What if the “sparks” are a result of a trauma bond or anxious attachment style?
2. How can I address the topic of a pre-nup with my fiancé? He has a son and I’m currently taking care of us financially because he’s in school. I just want to be sure I’m taking care of my finances as we move forward.
3. Do women need to “signal” to other women that they’re in a relationship? I see many women “flexing” to let others know their man is “off limits.” I’m personally not into this. But, if I’m with a guy, will he want to see me posture in this manner to let to other women know he belongs to me?
Join us to hear my thoughts on these questions!
We say it every week on Love & Life, “Take charge of your thoughts! Take charge of your life!” And what better way to do so than by taking a deep dive into female brain chemistry! Thanks to Dr. Tracy Alloway’s new book, Think Like a Girl: 10 Unique Strengths of a Woman’s Brain and How to Make Them Work for You, we now have a comprehensive resource for harnessing our female brain and appreciating its superpowers! Join us to discuss:
What you need to know about your female brain if you’re in leadership—or hope to be someday!
How a bucket of ice can help with rational decision making!
The ONE main quality to look for in potential romantic partners (it predicts successful, happy, lasting relationships!)
How to be attracted to people who are GOOD for us!
Attachment styles in dating—you’ll be surprised what you’ll learn about attachment and men!
Oxytocin and bonding—what you need to know to cultivate and nurture your partnership/marriage!
The research on how to remain madly in love!
The differences between men and women when it comes to lying—spoiler alert: we both lie, but we lie about different things!
Dr. Alloway provides research based takeaways for how to level up in love and life by leveraging our innate cognitive processes and leaning into our “Think Like a Girl” power!
In last week’s episode Dan and I answered your questions—many of which surrounded the beginning of our relationship. We noted we started dating in late August and Dan asked me to be exclusive in early January—about 4 ½ months. Much to my surprise, I received a lot of feedback from you with comments like, “How did you wait so long?” “Wasn’t it hard knowing he was dating other people? I’d be so jealous!” “I have Anxious Attachment—I couldn’t handle a relationship being undefined for so long!” Obviously, I felt comfortable with the pace of our relationship but many of you (65% according to my Insta poll) felt differently. Your responses got me thinking—about my history of taking things slowly, the science substantiating this approach, and also, about how slowing our roll can serve as our best defense against love bombing!
Recently, I posted a poll on Instagram asking if you had any questions or topics you wanted Dan and me to discuss on the program. You had a LOT to say and today we respond to you questions and concerns in an episode devoted to how to have a GREAT relationship. Specifically, we cover:
What do men worry about when dating? What were Dan’s concerns?
Do men really change for a woman if she’s The One?
How dating in your late 30s/early 40s differs from dating earlier in life.
How Dan and I met (for more on this, check out episode 46).
How our relationship progressed—did we date other people while dating each other? Did we know we were dating other people? Were we jealous about these other relationships?
Why we decided to choose to be exclusive with each other (for more on this, check out episode 89).
We received so many questions, we decided to make this a two-part series.
There’s still a bit of mystery—and sometimes, stigma—surrounding psychotherapy, so I’m starting an occasional series called, “Let’s Talk Therapy!” In these episodes we’ll pull back the curtain and provide the inside scoop on what counseling is all about! Today, Eli Weinstein, LCSW, shares his professional and personal journey as a social worker and therapist. Join us as we discuss:
The lingering stigma surrounding mental health.
The “dream” of treating emotional health with the same frequency as our physical health.
Why saying “I’m having a panic attack!” when you’re actually just nervous, is problematic for ourselves and others.
The relationship between your health insurance provider and therapist.
What therapists can do to see their clients more objectively.
What YOU can do to be sure you pick the right counselor for you!
We wrap up with Eli’s philosophy on dating, relationships, and marriage—some of our fav Love & Life topics!
Eli Weinstein, LCSW
No one makes it through childhood unscathed—and for some, childhood consists of multiple traumatic events. We carry these wounds with us as we step into adulthood—at which point, we may hope to just survive. But can we actually THRIVE after trauma? Shari Botwin, LCSW, joins me to talk about her book, Thriving After Trauma: Stories of Living and Healing. Shari discusses her own childhood trauma and the steps she took to move through pain and move toward wholeness and health. We talk specifically about the shame inherent to trauma, how to find an appropriate therapist to assist you in your journey, and ways to feel empowered despite years of feeling disempowered. Shari’s story and wisdom will inspire you to believe in the possibility of thriving after trauma!
Shari Botwin, LCSW
Warrior Women Speak Podcast: https://anchor.fm/shari-botwin
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Relationships don’t have to be so difficult—they can actually be fluid and even EASY! But they definitely can’t be easy if we pick unhealthy, toxic partners. And all too often, we’re completely unaware as to why we keep attracting—and being attracted to—dysfunctional people in the first place. For years, Anita Stoudmire chose men who were incapable of being the partner she desired. Eventually, she’d had enough disappointment and frustration. Anita began to unpack the dynamics causing her to choose poorly. She joins me to explain how she fixed her “picker” and finally learned to choose well!
Anita Stoudmire, MA, LPC
One question I often receive is, “I know ‘core values’ are important in relationships, but to be honest, I’m not sure I actually know what mine are.” In this episode, we discuss the definition of core values and how we can identify the ones that matter most to us. Furthermore, we explore how clarifying our core values not only allows us to better understand ourselves, but also prepares us to recognize our person! We wrap up the episode discussing the psych research surrounding core values and how our values set a foundation for successful, fulfilling relationships!
It’s hard to trust when our heart has been broken multiple times. We get jaded and bitter. We build up a wall of protection. We worry we’ll never be able to trust anyone ever again. This week I answer 3 listeners’ questions. One listener asks exactly this: How can I trust again after being cheated on multiple times and spending 9 years in a toxic relationship? Another listener wonders if she should change her name now that she’s divorced. She’s concerned because she has 3 school aged children and although she’d like to step away from her ex’s name, she’s concerned about how her children might feel should their mom have a different last name. The final question is from a woman wondering how to respond to an ex’s new gf who insists on bad-mouthing her to their mutual friends.
One of the themes of Love & Life is Never Settle! But for women who refuse to settle in love, it might take a while to meet our person. Most of us are okay waiting for the right one, but it’s our biological clock that puts the pressure on us. The realities of our fertility can’t be ignored—we can’t procreate forever. But over the last several years, egg freezing has moved from an experimental procedure to one that’s mainstream and quite common. Many of you have reached out asking if I’d cover egg freezing on the podcast. So, when I saw Britt McHenry’s Instagram story about freezing her eggs, I reached out to see if she’d share her egg freezing journey with the Love & Life community. Join us to learn all you need to know about freezing your eggs from one who’s been there, done that and is SO glad she did.
Britt McHenry is a Fox News contributor. She was one of the main hosts to launch Fox’s streaming service Fox Nation, specifically designed for Millennials across the country. She’s a political host and contributor to WTTG/Fox 5 in Washington D.C. Britt appears on two primetime shows including the hit program, “Like It or Not,” alongside former ESPN colleague Bram Weinstein and WPGC-FM News Director Guy Lambert. Britt worked at ESPN for four years as a reporter, host, and writer focusing primarily on the NFL and MLB. She began her career as a sports anchor at WJLA-TV/ABC-7 in Washington DC, where she worked for 6 years. McHenry is a graduate from Northwestern University’s Medill School of Journalism.
Most of us assumed we’d eventually be mothers. And, many of us deeply desired this—we dreamed about it, we planned for it, we read parenting books preparing ourselves for this most important role. But sometimes, life doesn’t play out as we’d hoped and we end up childless not by choice. Katy Seppi of Chasing Creation joins me to talk about how we can move through this profound loss—the loss of something we never had. Katy discusses the concerns childless women face—the alienation from other women who are mothers, the disenfranchised grief, and how we can reimagine and embrace a life that looks nothing like the life we expected. She also shares details about her upcoming virtual conference—The Childless Collective Summit!
I LOVE hearing from you and I know listeners LOVE hearing from each other! So a few months ago, I reached out to you via my newsletter to see if anyone wanted to tell her story. I was so happy Kate Griffith agreed to share the struggles she faced during her single years—but also, and more importantly, why she’s actually glad for her single years and the growth she experienced while navigating life solo! Kate talks about all she did to embrace her single season—how she made reservations for one, saw movies by herself, and even traveled alone. By pushing and challenging herself in these realms, Kate became stronger individually, gained confidence, and learned to be at home with herself—and by herself. We wrap up the conversation focusing on the benefits of adulting on our own—benefits that pay off in spades once we’re in partnership.
Brunnie’s childhood was rough. Her family struggled with addiction, abandonment, abuse, poverty, and more. As a result, she created a protective shell around her which left her “emotionally frozen” and withdrawn. In college, she sought out counseling—she knew she needed help. Her therapist empathized with her, validating the adversity she’d endured. Then he said two words that changed her life forever, “Now what?” Through the power of REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy), Brunnie learned she didn’t have to always be sad. She had a choice in the matter! She could take charge of her thoughts to take charge of her life—which she did! Join us to hear how Brunnie moved from a bad childhood to a great life via REBT!
In part 2 of my recent Insta live with Laura Behnke, we break down three ridiculous lies single women hear ALL the time! Unfortunately, we heard them, too, and in this episode we share how we pushed back against them! We then answer questions we received from those watching the live:
1. Do we miss anything about being single?
2. How can I tell the difference between a dealbreaker vs. typical ups and downs of relationships?
3. If I haven’t had a legit relationship, should I tell someone I’m just starting to date?
4. How can I fall into my feminine energy?
5. I’m scared of getting hurt—once again! What can I do?
6. I’m a perfectionist. Do I hold my bfs to unreasonable standards?
7. My mother recently passed away and I was her caretaker. I’m not sure what to do with myself now…
Laura and I have #beentherefeltthat and we’re here to provide the support we wish we’d had when we were single for much longer than we’d expected.
Last week I did an Instagram live with Laura Behnke of Life Actually. Laura and I align on so many levels—she also found love later than she’d hoped to and therefore dealt with “single shaming” along the way. Laura’s been there, felt that and learned to embrace her life actually! Join us for a lively conversation discussing:
How to increase your self worth (spoiler alert: science says there’s only ONE way!)
Managing the fear of, “What if I never find my person?”
How to use “psychological flexibility” to embrace your life actually and live life on YOUR terms! (“psychological flexibility” comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy—see episode 65 with Dr. Steven C. Hayes, creator of ACT)
How to fall in love with being by yourself.
The myth of being “too independent” to find love and why your independence makes you BETTER prepared for partnership!
How being with a partner because you WANT each other—as opposed to NEED each other—protects us from infidelity.
How to move from operating from a place of fear to empowered decision making!
Laura and I had so much to talk about, I decided to break up our convo into two parts. Enjoy part one, and sit tight for part two which we’ll roll out later this week.
Many of you resonated with our recent conversation on the father wound (ep. 125) and asked if we’d speak to the mother wound, too. So, psychotherapist and pastor Elliott Anderson is back to discuss how mother wounds affect our dating and relationships. Join us to learn:
How the mother wound differs from the father wound.
Common mother wounds children experience.
Enmeshment with mothers and how this impacts our ability to form healthy romantic attachments.
Recognizing when we’re “using” a romantic connection to “escape” dynamics from our family of origin.
Dating a man with a mother wound.
In recognizing our mother wounded, we’re able to bring it to the surface, process it, and move through it—toward emotional relief, intrapersonal wholeness, and relational wellness.
Fear is a powerful force—it permeates all realms of love and life but it seems particularly impactful when it comes to dating. We fear meeting someone new—because we’ve been rejected before. We fear trusting—because our trust has been broken in the past. We fear committing—because commitments never seem to last. At the same time, we fear not dating, trusting, and committing because we fear being alone and worry we’ll be single forever. Psychologist Dr. Stephanie Spielmann’s work examines this specific concern—the fear of being single forever. Join me as I discuss the findings from several Spielmann studies elucidating the influence of fear on our dating lives, but more importantly—what we can do to overcome this fear and date from a place of hope and empowerment!
If you’ve ever wondered if you have “daddy issues” or been curious as to how your relationship with your father influences the men you choose and the dynamics you experience in relationships, this episode is for you! Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson and I take a deep dive into how father wounds show up in our romantic relationships—and most importantly, how we can heal these wounds so as to avoid repeating painful patterns. Elliott and I discuss:
The two main ways father wounds play out with the couples Elliott counsels.
How psychotherapy can heal a father wound in unique and profound ways.
The importance of forgiving our fathers.
The tension between being drawn to someone who’s good for us vs. feeling like we’re settling.
Why dating a “fixer upper” never works!
Elliott also talks about his new book, Simon Says: Principles and Perspectives from Dr. Simon V. Anderson. Simon Says shares the abundant wisdom of our father and the profound and enduring impact he had on his children and community.
Purchase Simon Says: https://amzn.to/3sYdQFK
You loved episode 92 in which Dr. Welch taught us what it means to date as a “high status” woman. Several of you had follow up questions about this concept, so when Dr. Welch joined me this week on the podcast (ep. 123), I asked her if she’d be willing to stick around and record a bonus episode to address your concerns. She agreed and here we are! As for the questions: Taryn wants to know how women can present ourselves as “high status” if we don’t fit society’s typical standards of beauty. Mindy wonders about getting physical—how can we approach this element of dating from a “high status” perspective? Join us to hear Dr. Welch’s answers to these “high status” hot topics!
Love & Life fan favorite, Dr. Duana Welch is back! In this episode, Dr. Welch shares the psych research on breaking up and moving on. Join us as we discuss how to:
Choose healing and peace even after the most devastating breakup.
Guarantee you’ll never get emotionally abused.
Convey your needs in relationships—even early on!
Recognize our attachment style and work with it as we heal.
Manage the clichés you’ll hear about heartbreak recovery and getting back “out there.”
Figure out if you’re “too picky.”
Stop worrying about being alone forever.
Dr. Welch merges relationship science with her personal journey of dating, marriage, and divorce. Join us to learn how to “love factually!”
“More than one in four women take medication to treat a mental health condition” (Medco Health Solutions). Are 25% of us actually clinically depressed and anxious? Or, might diagnostic inflation be at work? Psychologist Dr. Steven C. Hayes speaks to this and more in his new book, Beyond the DSM: Toward a Process-Based Alternative for Diagnosis and Mental Health Treatment. Join us for a conversation about:
· The excessive biomedicalization of the human condition.
· How a DSM diagnosis may make us more passive and less responsible for our own emotional well-being.
· The notion of “having” a psychiatric illness vs. assessing the things we “do” and the feelings that show up for us.
· Debunking the “science” of mental illness.
· Why genes are NOT deterministic of our emotional and psychological functioning (spoiler alert: epigenetics).
· How meditation impacts our emotional state and our genes!
If you’ve ever wondered why it seems everyone “has” some sort of disorder nowadays, this episode is for you! We explore ways we can ALL move beyond the DSM and toward a more empowered approach to emotional and psychological health!
I get asked about hope a lot:
· How can I stay hopeful when the dating scene is so bleak?
· How can I maintain a hopeful attitude after being ghosted yet again?
· How can I hold onto hope? All the good ones are taken!
Maintaining a happy, hopeful, positive attitude when you’ve been dating for a long time—way longer than you expected or wanted to—isn’t easy at all.
I’ve been there, felt that.
Over my 27 years of dating (from 15 until age 42 when I got married), there were definitely times when I thought it would be so much easier to just give up and resign myself to being single forever.
But I never gave up hope. And, I don’t want you to, either!
Research in psychology confirms hope makes a huge difference in our emotional—and even physical!—well-being.
Furthermore, hope is within our control! By practicing research-based strategies, we can cultivate and sustain a hopeful attitude despite the disappointments we are bound to experience.
Join me to learn the science of hope and the practices we can implement in order to enjoy its psychological benefits!
Connors, C. (2017, June 1). The science of hope: World renowned psychologists explain its power. Medium. https://medium.com/the-mission/the-science-of-hope-world-renowned-psychologists-explain-its-power-b914dd0da631
Hardy, B. (2020, July 27). 8 Science backed ways to increase your hope. Forge. https://forge.medium.com/10-science-based-ways-to-increase-your-hope-430892caacb2
Ella has a history of dating bad boys, but she’s trying to turn this around! She listened to episode 63 with Ken Page, LCSW, bought his book, Deeper Dating, and is working on cultivating what Ken calls Attractions of Inspiration, as opposed to Attractions of Deprivation. But when she dates nice guys, she’s just not into them. She tries to give them a chance, but finds she’s bored and uninterested. In this mini Love & Life episode, I discuss how we can determine if we’re bored because we’re addicted to dysfunctional dynamics, or if we just haven’t met the right person yet!
Mandy struggles with something so many of us can relate to—the guys she doesn’t care for are into her, while the guys she wants don’t seem to be interested. In this mini Love & Life episode, I share the science of flirting from Dr. Duana Welch’s book, Love Factually for Single Parents and Those Dating Them. Learn 6 research-based ways to signal your interest in a guy, while remaining, what Dr. Welch calls, “high status.”
In this third mini Love & Life episode, I answer Pam’s question about how to know if a guy is manipulating her. She recently went on a first date with a man who led with smarmy and inappropriately suggestive conversation. When she bristled, he asked her if she wasn’t comfortable with her body. He then went on to say that he’d absolutely need to test drive the car before buying. Join us as I discuss my thoughts on how she responded and on such talk in general. Spoiler alert: if you think you’re being manipulated, you probably are.
In this second mini Love & Life episode, I answer Theresa’s question about when she should meet her bf’s kids. He’s protective of his children and doesn’t want to introduce them to her too soon (which is great) yet because of this, she doesn’t want him to get into the habit of just crashing at her place—because she wants to be properly courted (which is wise). Join us as I share my thoughts on this dicey topic, made even more sensitive because children are involved.
In this mini Love & Life episode, I answer Kelly’s question about how she can find a way to support her friends even though they’re making unhealthy decisions in their relationships. I share 3 options for how to love our friends even when we hate some of their choices.
Human trafficking is an unfathomable and horrific atrocity. We feel so helpless; we don’t know what to do or how to combat it. Thankfully, there are organizations working on the front lines. And, all of us can make an impact by supporting their efforts to save lives. Talitha Baker, chair of the board of Dressember joins me to share how Dressember raises awareness and funds to fight human trafficking. I’ll be pulling together a team and wearing dresses throughout December. I hope people will ask me why, so I can encourage them to support Dressember and its mission to rescue those enslaved by trafficking.
To donate to my team please click here: https://dressember2020.funraise.org/fundraiser/karin-anderson-abrell?fundraiserPrompt=1675387
Recently, I asked my newsletter community if anyone wanted to share an encouraging and empowering story on the podcast. Quin Taylor (one of my former students from Chicago State University) answered the call, agreeing to speak about living with a chronic illness. She describes how intentionally focusing on gratitude allows her to maintain a positive, empowered perspective in the midst of daily physical challenges. Quin shares:
· How to move from grieving the life you were “supposed” to live to celebrating the life you’re “purposed” to live!
· How to avoid wallowing in bitterness because, as Quin puts it, we can stay stuck in bitterness but “nothing really changes.”
· Her powerful mantra—“I declare and decree today will be amazing. Amazing things are happening to and for me and I will do amazing things!”
· The freedom of falling in love with your authentic self—even when that entails a chronic illness.
Quin describes herself as a “gratitude enthusiast!” Join us to up your gratitude game this Thanksgiving!
According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, anxiety disorders affect 40 million adults (18.1% of the population). The ADAA asserts, “anxiety disorders are highly treatable, yet only 36.9% of those suffering receive treatment.” Psychotherapist Linda Ruvalcaba understands anxiety—both from a clinical perspective and from personal experience! She endured anxiety’s terrifying grip after a horribly painful breakup. Anxiety permeated her life—the physical symptoms and intrusive thoughts not only made it difficult for her to focus on personal concerns, they also impaired her ability to work with her therapy clients. She realized avoiding anxiety only reinforced its hold on her. She could no longer run away; she needed to lean into it. Join us to hear how Linda found healing by facing anxiety head on—and as a bonus, she found herself!
We’ve all been there—we got knocked down and we’re trying our best to recover but we feel stuck. We find it hard to feel happy. We sink into depressed moods. We’ve lost our joy and even worse, we wonder, can I ever get back to my former self? Well, according to neuropsychologist, Dr. Rhonda Freeman, we absolutely can! Join us to learn how to:
· pivot away from ruminating thoughts—which psych research shows are related to depression.
· activate the regions of your brain that will bring you healing and peace post trauma!
· journal in a manner that activates your prefrontal cortex—and why this is imperative.
· get your brain to think rationally again by quieting the limbic system and activating the frontal lobe.
· rewire your brain to get it back to its “pre-trauma” balance.
We say it every week on Love & Life, “Take charge of your thoughts. Take charge of your life!” And now, thanks to Dr. Freeman, we see the neuroscience behind why taking charge of our thoughts is so powerful and does, in fact, rewire our brains—allowing us to take charge of our lives!
Dr. Rhonda Freeman
20% off Dr. Freeman's course "How to Use Neuroscience to Accelerate Recovery" for Love & Life listeners (choose Enroll Now at the bottom of the page) - https://neurosagacity.com/p/narcissistic-abuse/?product_id=2533645&coupon_code=20PERCENTOFFDRKARIN
Free eBook: Seven Steps toward the Path to Healing - https://neuroinstincts.com/lp/
We all know we’re supposed to maintain boundaries. We understand they’re healthy—that they help us distinguish distinctions between ourselves and others. But many listeners have asked me, “HOW do I establish boundaries? Every time I try to put one in place I feel guilty!” Clinical psychologist, Dr. Jaime Zuckerman joins me for a deep dive into all things boundaries. We discuss the following:
· How to establish boundaries.
· Managing the pushback from others.
· Dealing with the guilt you’ll likely feel.
· Why boundaries are so difficult to create, but so imperative for healthy functioning.
· The connection between boundaries in our family of origin and boundaries in our adult relationships—including friendships and romantic relationships.
Join us to learn how firm boundaries allow us to level up in all realms of love and life!
This week I cover the questions and topics you want me to address! We discuss the following (and more!):
· How to set boundaries.
· How to manage intrusive thoughts.
· How to cope with your bf’s ex—especially when there are kids involved.
· How to get over heartbreak.
· How to know what’s reasonable and what’s perhaps too picky?
Join me as I share my thoughts on the subjects you care about most!
According to Family Systems theorists, our family of origin’s expectations for connectedness and separateness influence—and, at times, may impede—our ability to carve out and cultivate an independent identity and authentic sense of self. Clearly, our family of origin impacts us beyond childhood—in terms of our friendships, work relationships, and certainly, our romantic connections. Mary Beth Somich, LPC joins me to discuss the construct of enmeshment, how we can differentiate from an overly close family system, and why we absolutely need to in order to thrive in love and life!
Mary Beth Somich
Free Quiz: Is Your Family Enmeshed? https://view.flodesk.com/pages/5f16de5959b56b0026662110
According to psychologist Albert Ellis, “People don’t just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness.” And, specifically, it’s irrational thinking that contributes to our “upsetness.” As the founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), Ellis encourages us to identify our irrational beliefs, challenge them, and replace them with rational beliefs. He asserts—and research substantiates—that by doing so, we can greatly reduce negative emotions. Join me to learn another approach from cognitive therapy for taking charge of your thoughts! I share my personal experience with the power of REBT—including a specific time when a hidden irrational belief was making me miserable and how I uncovered it, disputed it, and found my joy again!
If you’re single, your love life (or lack thereof) is fair game. Friends, family members, and even random strangers provide “solutions” to your “problem.” Or, they interrogate you, determined to uncover the hidden reason you aren’t coupled up—even if you’re perfectly content sans partner! In this Love & Life bonus episode, Debbi Rice of Single and Amazing, Leslie Kaz of Single Girl Bliss, and I discuss the top 5 asinine comments single women hear. Join us for some single girl commiserating and lots of laughs! We’re here for you!
It’s National Unmarried and Single Americans Week! To kick it off, I’ve invited Shani Silver, host of A Single Serving podcast, to share how she moved from complaining about dating to championing the single life! According to Shani, “I came out of a hole and I know the way out of the hole. I want to tell other people that it’s possible.” Here are a few more gems of wisdom from my conversation with Shani:
· “Enjoying a single life—not as a consolation, but as ‘on par’ with life in partnership—is entirely possible. I know this because I’m living it.”
· “It is 100% possible to love your single life and want a relationship at the same time. Both of those things can coexist.”
· “I decided that what was meant for me was going to connect with me. And it was not going to be because I was fighting to find it. Because I had fought to find it for a decade and I didn’t. So that method didn’t serve me. Maybe just relaxing and letting go and living life will connect me with who I’m meant to be with anyway.”
Join us for a celebration of empowered single living!
When life doesn’t play out as planned, we experience loss—of expectations, hopes, and dreams. And, as with every loss, we grieve. But how do we grieve something we never had in the first place? Christina and Genet of The Radical Stepmoms podcast join me to discuss just that—grieving the life they thought they’d have, while still embracing and cherishing the life they do have. At some point (or many points!) in life, we all find ourselves stepping into roles and realities we didn’t anticipate. Join us to learn strategies for navigating these uncharted waters.
I often get asked, “What we should be looking for when dating? Which qualities indicate a person will be a committed, solid, loving partner?” Recently, I came across a framework by psychiatrist Dr. Stephen Marmer describing emotional maturity. As I examined the model, I was struck by how the characteristics of maturity mirror those qualities we need in a romantic partner—if we’re hoping for a lasting, loving, secure connection. Dan joins me to discuss these 5 traits and how we’ve experienced them—and in past relationships, not experienced them! We wrap up the episode answering a listener’s question about how to differentiate between her intuition and inner critic.
It’s time for another Love & Life Q&A! In this episode, I answer two questions I recently received. One listener asks how she can possibly maintain hope for finding love; she’s over 40 and feeling demoralized and worries she’ll never meet her person. Another listener wonders if she can salvage a relationship that’s gone off course. After seeing a guy for a couple months, she asked the proverbial, “What are we?” question. They argued and now he’s stonewalling her. She asks me, “What can I do to get him back? I really like him!” I wrap up the episode by sharing details on how to join the Love & Life book club and Love & Life support groups I’m rolling out this fall!
We are kicking season 5 off with Dr. Duana Welch to discuss attachment styles and dating!
Have you ever experienced the following?
· You felt an initial spark, but got turned off when he/she came on too strong.
· Someone ghosted you after what you thought was the beginning of a very happy relationship.
· You found yourself bored by someone who is stable and kind.
If so, your attachment style may have played a part!
According to developmental psychologists, the bond you form with your primary caregiver in childhood sets the tone for the way you connect to others in adulthood. Dr. Duana Welch, author of Love Factually: Attachment Style Dating Made Easier, explains the difference between Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant attachment and the pros and cons of each—spoiler alert, there are positives to anxious attachment!—along with how an understanding of our attachment style can help us get the love we desire!
Dr. Duana Welch
We’ve all heard that journaling can be therapeutic. But how does writing down our thoughts and feelings heal our emotional wounds? In this episode, we explore all this and more with Stacy Brookman of “Life Story Laboratory.” Stacy shares how writing helps us process our experiences, recover from trauma, and take back our power! Stacy explains how we can discover our life’s “theme” and reframe it if it’s not working for us. She encourages us to identify any lies we’re telling ourselves and replace them with the truth—that we’re strong, capable, and tenacious! According to psych research, writing fosters resilience and cultivates confidence. Join us to learn how to implement this powerful practice in your life!
We’re celebrating Love & Life’s 100th episode! And, as a thank you to our Love & Life family, we’ve made this episode all about what you love most! We start by discussing the inspiration behind your three favorite Instagram posts—the mindset shifts that helped me remain hopeful and positive despite multiple heartbreaks over my MANY years of dating. We then break down a powerful approach from cognitive therapy to sustainably level up our emotional well being—even during the most painful and challenging times. I then answer 3 listeners’ questions and announce the Love & Life 100th Episode Celebration Giveaway! And the best part? Everyone’s a winner!
Sunday, July 26, 2020 is the 12th annual National Auntie’s Day—a day for celebrating the special bond between women and their nieces and nephews. It’s an opportunity to highlight the unique and important contribution aunts make to the development of the children in their lives. I’m an aunt and so are many of you, so I’m pleased to welcome the founder of Auntie’s Day and author of Otherhood: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness, Melanie Notkin, to the program! In our conversation, Melanie and I discuss:
· How women of The Otherhood manage their ongoing and currently unmet desire for marriage and family.
· The question almost every woman of The Otherhood has asked herself, “Should I settle for a ‘good enough’ guy in order to have children?”
· How to handle invasive and insensitive questions/comments about your life e.g. “You must have focused too much on your career!” or “Didn’t you want kids???”
· The prevailing, yet inaccurate, assumption that women of The Otherhood delayed marriage and child bearing.
· Grieving the loss of the life we’d expected, while embracing the joys of the life we have!
Aunties matter! And, despite the fact our lives haven’t played out as planned, we women of The Otherhood, can be assured our nurturing and influence make a profound, positive impact on the children we didn’t create, yet choose to love.
It’s time for another Love & Life Q&A! The first listener asks, “When the guy I’m seeing seems to ‘get quieter’ than he was before, should I pull back?” Another listener wonders, “Why would a man lie about his feelings?” And finally, we delve into the reality that there’s no such thing as a “conflict free” marriage. In fact, according to research by the Gottman Institute, 69% of problems in a relationship will not be solved. A listener asks me specifically, “How do you and your husband agree to disagree? How do you maintain a healthy relationship yet still disagree with each other?” Dan joins me to share how we’ve navigated conflict and challenges in our marriage.
If you’ve been brokenhearted—and, most of us have—you know how excruciatingly painful it is. In fact, brain imaging shows us that the same neural systems involved in physical pain are involved in emotional pain i.e. the angst of a broken heart isn’t so dissimilar from the pain of a broken bone. And frankly, many of us would acknowledge that it feels way worse! So here’s some help for the broken-hearted! In this episode, I share the science of heartbreak—spoiler alert: neurologically speaking, you’re essentially addicted to your ex—along with three tangible strategies to help you move past the one who wasn’t right for you, so as to find the one who is!Sources:https://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Rates_of_Divorce_for_Adultery_and_Infidelity#:~:text=While%20adultery%20is%20no%20longer,20%2D40%20percent%20of%20divorces.https://signalscv.com/2019/11/research-how-many-marriages-end-in-divorce-because-of-infidelity/#:~:text=40%25%20of%20adults%20who%20have,are%20currently%20separated%20or%20divorced.&text=In%20contrast%2C%20only%2017%25%20of,to%20no%20longer%20be%20together.&text=Roughly%2050%25%20of%20unfaithful%20partners%20are%20still%20married.https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/features/cfp-0000012.pdf
What would you do if your partner strayed? Would you leave immediately or try to forgive the betrayal and move on? Could trust ever be rebuilt? Would the indiscretion haunt you forever? When vows have been broken, is a relationship ever salvageable? Marriage and family therapist, Jennifer Lehr, works with couples struggling to repair their relationships post infidelity. The good news—restoration is possible. The better news—it takes a lot of work. How is work BETTER news? Because, as Jennifer explains and the research substantiates, in-depth therapeutic work allows many couples to emerge from counseling stronger, more intimately connected, and happier in their marriages. Yes, infidelity can have a silver lining! Join us to learn:· How to rebuild trust and intimacy after betrayal.· Strategies for therapy when one partner wants to work on the relationship and the other doesn't.· The Two-Person System model and why it’s important in relationships and marriage.· Red flags and yellow flags to note when dating.· How to educate yourself on what will destroy your relationship and how to prevent those behaviors/attitudes from taking over your relationship.· The simple, but profound, recipe for a happy marriage.· The most important element therapists provide their clients.Jennifer shares wisdom and clinical examples from her 20 years of helping couples find hope and forgiveness, in order to forge a stronger, more intimate and satisfying relationship!
A few years ago, I met a young woman in her late twenties. As we began chatting, she shared she was going through a divorce. Her ex was addicted to OxyContin—a prescription pain medication. Fast forward a few years, and I learned some startling and terrifying facts—that in 2014, my home state of Ohio led the nation in deaths from heroin overdoses and in 2016, it earned this same distinction from opioid overdoses. I had no idea what was going on, but I suspected that diagnostic inflation and Big Pharma played a role. (For more on why I came to this conclusion, please listen to my interview with Dr. Allen Frances in episode 22). So, when I came across Sam Quinones’ book, Dreamland: The True Tale of America's Opiate Epidemic, I knew I wanted to invite him to the program to help us understand how the Heartland became America’s hotspot of heroin and opioid addiction. In our conversation, Sam describes:· The “perfect storm” that moved heroin from the fringe to the suburbs.· How a letter to the New England Journal of Medicine morphed into a “landmark study” which changed the way medical professionals viewed opioids, addiction, and pain management.· The connection between prescription pads and black tar heroin.· How the fraying social fabric and breakdown of communities relate to the rise in drug addiction.· The striking similarities in the marketing strategies of Big Pharma and black tar heroin drug traffickers.Join us as author Sam Quinones explains this tragic rise of prescription opioid abuse and heroin addiction. If you’re like me, you’ve wondered how this happened—Sam provides answers and solutions.
One topic I haven’t covered extensively is sex. So, when life coach Laurie Gerber reached out requesting to appear on the show to share her slightly controversial philosophy about sex, I figured it was high time we delve into this important element of love and life! Laurie specializes in marriage and relationship coaching and has appeared on Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, and the TODAY show. Join us to learn:· Her philosophy on sex which rekindled the spark in her 20+ year marriage.· How Laurie’s feminist ideology impacted her sex life.· The mantras that eroded the romance in her marriage.· Lies we tell ourselves which impede our goals and dreams.· Questions to ask yourself when you’re dating with purpose.· The critical difference between dating expectations and standards.No matter what your relationship status—single, dating exclusively, or married—Laurie’s candid account and wise counsel will inform and inspire you!Laurie's special offer for Love & Life listeners:Get Started with your LOVE&LIFE75 coupon at: https://bit.ly/0520LL-iu
I get a LOT of questions about how to recover from a relationship with a narcissist. So this topic is one I’ve wanted to address for quite a while. I’m so pleased to welcome psychologist Dr. Annie Kaszina to the program to share not only her professional expertise, but also her personal journey of marrying and then divorcing a narcissist. Dr. Kaszina delves into:· How strong, independent, accomplished women fall in love with and stay with narcs.· The red flags narcissists wave—despite their best efforts to dupe you!· Dr. Annie’s suggestion for discovering if the person you’re dating has narcissistic tendencies.· Why pacing yourself in the early days of a relationship is imperative!· The power of self-knowledge as it relates to narcs.· How to take back control after being with a narcissist.· Co-parenting when your ex is a narcissist.· The identity some women take on when they’ve been with a narc.In this episode, as in her book, Do You Choose Your Dog More Carefully Than Your Husband? Dr. Kaszina assures us that we CAN rebuild our lives in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse and we CAN move forward empowered, emboldened, and equipped to select a husband as carefully as we’d pick a pup!Get a free chapter of Dr. Annie’s book here: https://recoverfromemotionalabuse.com/lp-dog
Wouldn’t it be great if science could give us the straight facts on dating? Well actually, it does! When on the dating scene herself, psychologist Dr. Duana Welch, looked to psych research for guidance. She shares all she learned in her blog, Love Science, and in her Love Factually book series. Join us as we discuss:· Why men get so excited early in a relationship, but often lose interest just as quickly.· The different ways men and women experience situationships.· How sex causes you to bond—even when it’s just friends with benefits.· How to figure out if you’re too picky!· A powerful strategy if you’ve lost hope in love.· Why women love a man with a plan (and what this means for us when dating!)· What happens when men lose interest—spoiler alert, even they don’t know why!· How to present yourself as a “high status” woman—and why this is imperative when dating (also, it’s NOT about being arrogant or snooty!)· The different “mating psychology” of men vs. women.· The brain chemistry of a man as he’s falling in love.Learn how to “love smarter, not harder” by loving FACTUALLY!
We all want a great marriage, but how do we cultivate and maintain an extraordinary connection in the midst of life’s stressors and challenges? For over 30 years, Dr. Terri Orbuch has researched the habits and practices of happy couples (and unhappy ones) in her landmark National Institutes of Health (NIH) study. She joins me to discuss her book, 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, in which she shares simple, practical strategies from her longitudinal study including:- How to maintain realistic expectations without settling.- The no. 1 problem in marriages.- How happy couples communicate vs. unhappy couples.- The need men have which, when met, predicts they’ll be happy and content in their marriage—and no, we’re not talking about sex!- What factors make for the strongest marriages.- How to “trick your brain” to reignite the spark in your marriage.- The no. 1 topic daters should not discuss on dates!I put it this way on Instagram, “Marriage is great, but only if it’s a great marriage!” Join us to learn research-based tools and techniques to level up your marriage/relationship!
We’re kicking off Season 4 with a sneak peek into the audio version of my book, Single is the New Black: Don’t Wear White ‘til it’s Right, which launches in just a few weeks! You’re the first to hear it! I also discuss my inspiration for writing the book i.e. the incessant single shaming comments I received, irrational explanations for my single status, and my frustration with the standard dating/relationship self-help messages. I conclude the episode with a Love Smarter, Not Harder Q&A: In the beginning of a relationship, when we’re just getting to know each other, is it rigid and unreasonable to expect a guy to call when he says he will?
In this week’s episode, I’m super excited to share a BIG Love & Life announcement! Join me to be the first to hear the news! I also answer two listeners’ questions. “Ella” asks, “My boyfriend is from Venezuela and lives here under political asylum. We definitely experience some challenges due to our different cultural backgrounds. Also, he wants children and I don’t. I care for him deeply, but I’m not sure if I’m ‘in love.’” Given these realities, “Ella” wonders if their relationship can go the distance. The second question involves a man “Ginny” met on Plenty of Fish. After texting and calling for a while, he mentioned he’s been out of work due to Covid and asked her if she might be able to support him a bit. He’s from Norway so he doesn’t have family here to help him. She’s worried he might be out to take advantage of her—if he’s really who he says he is in the first place!
Growing up I used to ask my mom, “How will I know when I’ve met the right guy?” She replied with the answer so many of us heard, “You’ll just know.” But HOW do we “just know”? Will our hearts lead us in the right direction? What if our heart says, “Yes” but our head says, “No!” And, considering I almost married the wrong person (I called off my first engagement 2 months before the wedding #runawaybride), I apparently didn’t “just know.” That being said, I now have a unique vantage point—having been engaged to the wrong person and then engaged to the right one! To further explore this question, Dan joins me to discuss how we knew we were right for each other. We also examine psychologist Dr. Robert Sternberg’s Triangle Theory of Love which provides the most comprehensive model of what Sternberg calls “Consummate Love” and what others call “the total package.” We wrap up the program answering a listener’s question about being ghosted by her boyfriend. Should she reach out? They’d had “the talk” about being exclusive! Isn’t she owed an explanation?
We’re all navigating uncharted waters—trying to stay physically safe and emotionally sound in the midst of a global pandemic. Psychotherapist Kate Lambie, LCPC, joins me to unpack six simple strategies for managing our mindset and maintaining our psychological wellbeing during Covid-19. We discuss 6 “Gs” (grounded in psych research and psychotherapeutic techniques) we can implement today to think and feel better NOW despite the uncertainty of these unprecedented circumstances! At the end of the program, I answer a listener’s question about dating standards—should they remain the same during this Coronavirus pandemic?
Most characteristics of depression—sadness, feelings of worthlessness, anhedonia—though undesirable, are fairly straightforward. But according to clinical psychologist, Dr. Margaret Robinson Rutherford, sometimes depression hides. In her book, Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism that Masks Your Depression, Dr. Rutherford describes the underlying depression beneath many people’s perfectionism. According to Dr. Rutherford, deep-seated depressive symptoms such as shame and worthlessness often fuel and sustain the drive for perfection. Those with Perfectly Hidden Depression (PHD) feel many things—pressure, worry, self-reproach—but they don’t feel depressed. PHD isn’t obvious—to them or anyone around them—which is why it’s perfectly hidden. Join us to better understand Perfectly Hidden Depression, bring it to light, and find healing.
It’s time for another Love & Life Q&A! This week I address the following questions:1. “Hannah” met a guy about 2 months ago. Everything was going great and then all of a sudden, he stopped calling her every night and he texted less frequently. Finally, she called him and their conversation felt very awkward. Since then, he hasn’t contacted her and he’s not active on social media. Now she wonders what happened and if she should call one more time to see if he’s okay.2. “Tanya” was dating her bf for 7 months. He recently broke up with her because he felt he needed to focus on himself—he has Bipolar with mixed features and he now suspects he may have PTSD. Tanya has Generalized Anxiety Disorder and due to the breakup, she can’t eat or sleep, and has been feeling increased anxiety. Her psychiatrist prescribed a mood stabilizer and has now diagnosed her with ADD and Bipolar II. Two things concerned her about the Bipolar diagnosis—1) she’d watched an IGTV in which I discussed Bipolar II and diagnostic inflation and 2) her sister’s neurosurgeon had also mentioned that Bipolar II is often misdiagnosed. She was curious if I had any additional thoughts or suggestions.3. “Michelle” wants to know how to make things work with her bf. He was diagnosed with depression and prescribed anti-depressants in early adulthood, but he doesn’t take any medication now. He’s on disability and she worries he’s lost his purpose and enthusiasm for life. He’s emotionally detached from her, isn’t affectionate, and never tells her he loves her—all of which makes her feel insecure. He won’t even hug her—she has to force his arms around her. She’s mentioned maybe they should part ways, but when she brings up this topic, he doesn’t want to talk about it. She’s not sure what to do.Join us to explore these complex concerns and submit your question via my website: loveandlifemedia.com.
We’re living in an unpredictable and unprecedented time—in the midst of a global pandemic. No one knows what to think, or what to feel, or what to do. But we can navigate these uncharted waters by managing our mindset. To help us do so, I’ve invited mindset coach, Leisse Wilcox to the program. Leisse and I discuss:How to make radical shifts in your mindset and life—even during these chaotic times!Why we need to “feel it” to “heal it.”Challenges and the opportunities they hold!Why our mind wants us to stay negative—and how to tackle this.The power of “zooming out.”How anxiety and depression serve to protect us (despite the fact they’re undesirable).Masculine and feminine energy as they relate to sheltering in place.Tangible strategies for saving your marriage during this time—should it need saving.Bonus content: How to talk to our kids about the pandemic (wisdom from a former Montessori teacherLeisse puts it this way, “Whenever you feel you don’t have control of anything, remind yourself, ‘I actually always have control of one thing and one thing alone, how I’m choosing to respond.’” Join us to take charge of your mindset, which takes charge of everything else!
We’ve entered an unprecedented era—one for which none of us could have been prepared. Surging Covid-19 diagnoses and mandated social distancing heighten fear, stoke anxiety, and exacerbate loneliness and isolation. In our “new normal” we feel helpless—frankly, no one knows just what to do. So we do what we can, by sharing support in any way we’re able. Today on Love & Life, I highlight past episodes with supportive content for tackling anxiety and negative thinking. In the coming weeks, I’ll be posting additional podcast episodes featuring anxiety and mindset experts to help us manage the emotional vicissitudes of this uncertain time. Please join me on Instagram at @dr.karin where I’m hosting a weekly “Girls Night In” each Friday and additional Insta Lives to help us remain connected in the midst of social distancing. I’m here for you. Keep the faith. We’re all in this together. Music provided by HearWeGoArtist: Serein Title: ReconcileListen on YouTube: https://youtu.be/9WrfveQT2DY
What can Netflix’s Love is Blind teach us about our own relationships? SO much! In this final Love is Blind bonus episode, UK Dating Coach of the Year, Ané Auret, and I share the lessons we can all learn by analyzing the couples’ dynamics. We delve into:- Why Jessica saw Mark’s emotional availability as a “red flag.”- How sabotaging relationships—as several couples did—can be viewed as self-protection.- Why our heartaches, though painful, are never wasted!- The importance of feeling emotionally safe in our relationships—and how the lack thereof fueled - - Giannina and Damian’s fight on the boat in Cancun.- Is love at first sight possible? Or, as with Lauren and Cameron, love before first sight?- Why timing is everything.So many of us resonate with Love is Blind and see ourselves in the couples and their struggles. It’s an underlying theme of the show—and a truism of all relationships—we must embark upon self-understanding and introspection so as to enjoy healthy, fulfilling love!
According to the 2018 U.S. Census Bureau, 19.5 million children (more than 1 in 4) live without a father in the home. These children are 47% more likely to grow up in poverty. Sadly, in addition to financial hardships, fatherless children suffer socially, emotionally and academically. Conversely, psych research demonstrates the myriad benefits of a consistent and close father/child relationship—boys evidence fewer behavior problems and girls are less likely to engage in risky sexual behavior. Clearly, dads matter! To further explore the importance of fathers—both in the lives of their children and for society at large—I invited Emily Hibard, writer, director, and producer of The Honor Project documentary, to the program. In our conversation, we cover:- The inspiration for a documentary about good guys being great dads!- What Emily has noted when working with women in the sex industry as it pertains to their relationships with their fathers. - The reality that honoring fathers does NOT take away from mothers.- Men and masculinity (spoiler alert: Many are scared to talk about it!)- The different ways fathers show love.- How a man’s definition of masculinity and strength changes as he becomes a husband and father.- The reservations many men feel when stepping into fatherhood—especially if their fathers weren't around when they were young.- The importance of forgiveness—forgiving our father for any “father wound” we may have experienced. Fathers and fatherhood impact us all throughout our lifetimes. Join Emily and I as we discuss the complexities of fatherhood and honor the good guys doing a great job of it! (For part 1 of the Dads Matter series, please check out episode 24, “Dads Matter: The Father Effect with John Finch.”)Citations:https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5007216/https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-long-reach-childhood/201106/the-importance-fathers
After 21 years of dating, serial monogamy, breakups, and periods of feeling miserably alone, Leslie Kaz was over it! Tired of what she calls “The Endless Search” for a man, Leslie decided to take a 6 month break from dating. During those 6 months, Leslie completely redefined herself and her life—so much so, that she abandoned “The Endless Search” and stepped into a brand new way of living! She shares her philosophy in her book, Single Girl Bliss: How to Stop Feeling Alone and Start Feeling Alive. In our conversation, Leslie and I talk about:· The lies we tell ourselves that make us miserable—and how to tackle them!· What it means to be alone—and how to manage it emotionally.· How to choose a partner (should you decide to choose one) from a position of strength!· What saved her in her darkest hour (I promise, you’ll never guess what it was!)· The power of how we present ourselves—and our single life—to others.· How to create new, empowering—and TRUE—beliefs about being single.When I came across Leslie’s work and read her book, I knew she was Love & Life material! Join us to hear how Leslie lives blissfully single, and learn how you can, too!Dr. Karin’s Website: www.loveandlifemedia.comLeslie’s Website: www.lesliekaz.com/ Leslie’s Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1734277807/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=single+girl+bliss&qid=1574356446&s=books&sr=1-1
If you’re interested in dating, relationships, love, and marriage you’re likely caught up in the Love is Blind hype! So am I! In part 2 of my response to the series, Kate Lambie, LCPC, provides a psychotherapist’s perspective on the experiment and the couples’ relationships. Join us as we dish on:· How connecting in the pods amplified their vulnerability—in this age of fast paced swiping, maybe we should all start dating in pods!· Leaving the pods engaged—the impact of moving so quickly!· Kelly’s dilemma: She wanted to fall for Kenny, but ultimately couldn’t. How do we know if we’re emotionally unavailable to partners who are good for us?· Mark’s dilemma: When to fight for a relationship, and when to give your partner a little space—what therapists call Approach/Avoidance dynamics.· Giannina’s dilemma: Four things we must NOT do if we hope our relationship will go the distance! Kate shares research from psychologists John and Julie Gottman that can help ALL of us protect our healthy relationships while remaining aware of when we might need to exit an unhealthy one!Please join us and let us know your thoughts on the program and our response to it! You can find me on Instagram @dr.karin!
The hottest new Netflix series, Love is Blind, touches on a myriad of Love & Life themes i.e. attraction, intimacy, dating, relationships, engagement, and marriage. Obviously, I had to weigh in! What does psych research have to say about this “experiment?” Is it actually possible to fall in love without laying eyes on each other? Even if a bond forms, will it survive in the real world? My husband, Dan, joins me (because despite his initial skepticism, I got him hooked on the series, too) to hash out these questions and delve into the following:· Gender differences and attraction.· The role of scent in attraction—specifically how scent was absent when participants were in the pods!· How much is too much? Should Carlton have told Diamond about his past? We discuss what we share in our marriage (and what we don’t!) about our past.Every once in a while, a TV show captures worldwide attention AND provides compelling material for discussing the psychology of dating, love, and marriage. With SO much goodness to unpack, this episode will be the first in a Love & Life Love is Blind series. Please join us and join in the conversation on Instagram. I’m at @dr.karin!
During Lent, many people give up things to create space for contemplation, prayer, or to break a bad habit. One year, Kacie Main decided to give up men! Why? As she explains in her book, I Gave Up Men for Lent, “By most definitions, I lived a social, fulfilling life. I had a good job, great friends, and a solid family. Aside from the 30-something-and-single combination, my life was picture perfect. But that was just a filter, like how the right Instagram filter can hide the circles under your eyes. The unfiltered me was restless, uninspired, uncomfortable. Something had to change—a drunken make-out with my not-single good friend was the straw that broke the camel’s back. So, I gave up men for Lent—a 40 day cleanse in an attempt to figure out why I felt unhappy in my happy life.”Kacie and I discuss how to:· Discover yourself apart from your relationships.· Handle shame and regret.· Make choices for yourself—even when your family pushes back i.e. what developmental psychologists call “individuate” from your family of origin.· Manage the dueling messages women receive—i.e. Be strong and independent! But also, snag a husband and have babies!In giving up men for Lent, Kacie created space for introspection, reflection, and clear-headed decision-making. Join us to hear her empowering story and learn how you, too, can gain clarity, insight, and self-direction.
Every couple quarrels from time to time. But according to psychiatrists Dr. Phillip Lee and Dr. Diane Rudolph, arguments can become addictive! In their book, Argument Addiction: Even When You Win, You Lose, Dr. Lee and Dr. Rudolph explain how with some couples, heated conflicts, (just as addictions) serve to “make life more tolerable” by distancing them from deep wounds of rejection, frustration, and despair. Yet, as with any addiction, these ultimately prove horribly destructive. But, there is hope! Join us as Dr. Lee shares wisdom from his 30 years as co-head of Marital Therapy at Weill Cornell Medical Center. Learn the subtext beneath every marital spat along with hacks for how to readily dismantle damaging communication patterns—even if these dynamics have been in place for years!
We hear it all the time, “If you don’t love yourself, you’ll never be able to truly love anyone else.” Of course, it’s true. But where’s the owner’s manual for self love? How do we love ourselves when we don’t always feel particularly lovable? Or when the abuse and trauma we endured in childhood causes us to feel unworthy? Or when we’ve been through so much pain and heartache, our sense of self feels obliterated? Author and dating coach, Jonathon Aslay, believes the number one emotional health issue facing singles today is a deep lack of self worth and self love. Join us as Jonathon shares practical strategies for developing authentic self love (and a deeper love for others!) from his book What the Heck is Self Love, Anyway?Dr. Karin’s Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Jonathon’s Website: http://www.jonathonaslay.com/What the Heck is Self Love, Anyway?: https://www.amazon.com/What-Self-Love-Anyway-Jonathon-Aslay/dp/1092498397
Words are powerful. Sometimes, it’s that one phrase, that bit of encouragement, or that motivational quote—reminding us we CAN make it through the dark days and we CAN find our joy again! Because there will be dark days. They’re part of life; we can’t avoid pain, but we can dig deep. We can persevere! As Tracey Janowitz puts it, “Life is sweaty. Work it out.” Tracey created her apparel line, SweatySwag, in the wake of grief and struggles. In this third segment of our Women Making it Happen in Their Careers series, hear how Tracey took her pain and turned it into an inspiring brand encouraging women to believe in themselves, know their worth, and remember that when life gets sweaty, they can work it out!
We say it every week on Love & Life, “Take charge of your thoughts, take charge of your life!” And, we touch on strategies for doing so in almost every episode. But this week, I wanted to devote the entire conversation to negative thoughts—and what we can do about them! Psychotherapist Kate Lambie, LCPC, joins me to share therapeutic techniques from ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). Join us to learn the counterintuitive process of accepting negative thoughts in order to move through them!
Recently a listener asked me, “What if subconscious beliefs are affecting my love life and I don’t even know it?” Great question! Our beliefs—even those we’re unaware of—absolutely impact our relationships in profound ways. To explore this topic in depth—and to examine how beliefs affect couples, too—I’ve invited marriage therapist, Elliott Anderson, M.A. (aka my brother), to share what he’s learned from 30 years of working with couples. Join us to delve into:· How our negative beliefs about relationships can inadvertently manifest exactly what we fear!· The power in identifying the meaning beneath beliefs, and how to reframe this meaning in a positive direction.· The importance of examining beliefs passed down from our family of origin—and how our single adult years facilitate this process.· Why we MUST keep our standards high in dating and in marriage!· What to do if we don’t truly believe we’re worthy of love.· How a therapist’s belief in a couple’s potential provides hope and emboldens their relationship.When it comes to beliefs, what we don’t know CAN hurt us! But through introspection—and therapy when needed—we can uncover subconscious beliefs, challenge them if necessary, and choose ones that best serve us in love and life!
Happiness—it’s about doing all the fantastic, fulfilling, fabulous things, right? Or maybe, it’s about NOT doing all the fantastic, fulfilling, fabulous things! As a thirtysomething writer and podcast host living in Manhattan, Jacqueline Raposo had fantastic friends, a fulfilling career, and she lived in a most fabulous city. And sure, she felt happy-ish, but something was amiss. In a counterintuitive move, Jacqueline decided her malaise might best be addressed by eliminating some of the things. Throughout the next year, she removed elements from her life for designated periods of time e.g. social media, sugar, shopping, negative thoughts, waste. What started as a personal quest for clarity morphed into a book, The Me Without: A Year Exploring Habit, Healing and Happiness. Join us to hear what Jacqueline learned by living without!
It’s easy to get discouraged if we’re single and we don’t want to be. We worry we’re wasting time—time we could be building into a fantastic marriage. But science shows we can actually work on our future marriage while we’re still single! Join Dan and me as we share psych research from Tara Parker Pope’s book, For Better: How the Surprising Science of Happy Couples Can Help Your Marriage Succeed. We dish on the following research-based strategies:· How keeping your standards high when you’re single sets you up for a stellar marriage!· Why communication is not necessarily the key.· Habits—establishing good ones and avoiding bad ones.· Sex, sex, and more sex.· The importance of creating excitement.· How the emotional work you do as a single adult prepares you to be a better, more loving spouse once you do get married.Even if you’re single for much longer than you hoped to be (as I was), know that no experience is ever wasted! Take a listen to learn tangible steps you can take today to build a solid foundation for your future marriage!
www.loveandlifemedia.com If you’ve been on the dating scene for long enough, you’ve definitely heard this one, ”It’s not you, it’s me.” Maybe it was the explanation he gave when he broke up with you. Or perhaps it’s the reason she says she can’t commit. Either way, it’s confusing and unsatisfying—of course it’s not you! You did nothing wrong! And also, you’re awesome! Then again, part of you worries that maybe you did mess things up. Is it possible you said or did something to ruin the relationship? Well, yes and no. . . Join me to learn how our best intentions often work against us and actually increase the likelihood of us hearing, “It’s not you, it’s me.” I also examine psych research which reveals the one thing we should NEVER do if we hope to keep a relationship moving forward.
In her early twenties, Liz Forkin Bohannon identified an “integrity gap” between what she claimed she cared about—issues facing women living in extreme poverty—and how she conducted her daily life. So, she quit her job and bought a one-way ticket to Uganda. Fast forward to 2019, Liz is the CEO of Sseko Designs, a fair-trade, fair-wage fashion brand employing and empowering women in Uganda and the U.S.! In this segment of our Women Making it Happen in Their Careers series, you’ll hear how Liz’s “beginners pluck” helped her “actively co-create the world she wanted to live in” and how YOU can support Sseko’s mission! Spoiler alert: supporting Sseko’s missions involves shopping for gorgeous bags, jewelry, and shoes—what a fantastic way to help empower women! P.S. In our conversation, Liz and I realized we’re reading the same book at the moment so we meandered into a few psychological and sociological topics just for fun e.g. how comparing ourselves to others objectifies them, why risk taking is essential for building self-esteem, and how an inadvertent indoctrination of cognitive distortions is related to the rise in depression and anxiety in the U.S.
Sports anchor Laura Behnke had it all—high-powered career in NYC, fantastic friends, and amazing travels. The one thing she didn’t have? A husband. In fact, at 35 Laura had never been in a long-term relationship. And everyone wanted to know why. How could a bright, beautiful, successful woman like her be single? Over the years, Laura experienced her fair share of “single shaming” and frankly, she still experiences it, even though she’s now happily married—which is why Laura created her platform, Life Actually and its slogan, #OwnYourTimeline!Join us to discuss:Ways to deal with invasive questions about your love life—or lack thereof.How to reframe your experiences to take charge of your thoughts!Being a strong, independent woman who still wants a husband and kids.How Laura integrated what she learned in therapy to embrace her “life actually!”As Joseph Campbell put it, “We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that’s waiting for us.” Laura did exactly this and she’s here to help you do the same!
It’s definitely complicated in today’s dating scene—can we learn to date smarter, not harder? Of course, we can! In this Q&A episode, I respond to 3 questions from listeners striving to navigate the disorienting and often demoralizing dating landscape:1. “Danielle” wants to know if she should go on a second date if she’s not feeling sparks during the first date.2. “Sarah” wonders if after 5 ½ years of dating “Chris” on and off, should she tell him her true feelings? And furthermore, is a legitimate, committed relationship with him even possible after so much back and forth?3. “Lily” and her ex-boyfriend, “John,” have remained friends for years. He visits (from overseas) once or twice a year and financially supports her and her children (although they aren’t his). John is in love with Lily and though Lily loves him as a friend and appreciates his years of commitment to her and her kids, she doesn’t have romantic feelings for him. Then again, he’s such a good guy, she wishes she could fall for him and wonders if there’s a psychological block that keeps her from cultivating romantic feelings with a man who loves her so much as is deeply committed to her.I give in-depth responses to these in-depth questions—and Dan provides a male perspective for question 2! Join us to learn how to date smarter, not harder! MusicTrack Name: 'Good Day'Music By: Low Frequency Music @ https://soundcloud.com/user-551516820License for commercial use: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported "Share Alike" (CC BY-SA 3.0) License.Track Name: "Time Flies"Music By: "KaizanBlu"Licence: Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International (CC BY-SA 4.0)Track Name: 'Opportunity'Music By: Low Frequency Music @ https://soundcloud.com/user-551516820License for commercial use: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported "Share Alike" (CC BY-SA 3.0) License.
When a relationship breaks down, we want answers—especially when things end abruptly or we get ghosted. We feel hurt and confused, and we hope getting “closure” will somehow help us process our grief and move on. But will it? And perhaps the question most central to this conversation—is closure actually a thing? In this episode I delve into the concept of closure, addressing these questions and sharing two circumstances from my dating history—one time when I was looking for closure, but didn’t get it; and another instance when my ex asked me for closure, but I struggled to provide it. Join me for a deep dive into closure, as we examine why it’s so hard to get—and sometimes even harder to give.
Strong, independent adults in our twenties, thirties, forties (and beyond!) sometimes still feel pressure from our families—pressure to conform to family expectations, pressure to be at a certain stage of our lives, pressure to make choices consistent with our family’s values. Moreover, establishing a distinct identity within the context of our families often proves even more challenging for adult children from traditional upbringings and/or members of “third cultures.” Life coach Varsha Mathur shares her experiences with dating, marriage, and divorce as a “third culture” American woman of South Asian descent. Join us to learn:· How to assert yourself within your family in a psychologically healthy manner.· Why individuation is typically more difficult for members of a “third culture.”· The pervasive fear inherent to the individuation process—for both parents and adult children.· How to identify and manage covert “family rules.”· The difference between following your heart and trusting your gut.· When to open the lines of communication with your family and when to recognize you don’t owe anyone any explanations.· How to take back your power and agency.· How I used Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy on myself to take charge of my thoughts (and my life) after calling off my wedding! Varsha and I explore the challenges of individuating from family of origin—challenges that, for most of us, persist to some degree throughout adulthood—and provide strategies for how to remain close to, while also independent from, our families in adulthood.
Have you ever admired someone’s career and thought, “How did she do it? How did she make it happen?” That’s what I wondered when I met Showbiz Shelly, Chicago’s go-to entertainment expert. I always wondered how Shelly made a splash in this crowded media landscape, so when I started my occasional series about women making it happen in their careers, I knew I wanted Shelly to appear as one of the first guests. Join us to learn how Shelly moved from intern (passing out key chains and merch at neighborhood festivals) to midday host on Chicago’s hottest radio station! Hear how she pushed through shyness and anxiety to interview actors, musicians, and sports stars such as Jennifer Lopez, Justin Bieber, Angelina Jolie, Michael Jordan, and John Travolta. Be inspired by Shelly’s drive to make it happen and learn how you can make it happen in your career, too!
Dating is awkward and anxiety provoking—no question. So, if you’re dating with anxiety, it’s EXTRA awkward! Psychotherapist Alison Seponara, AKA “The Anxiety Healer” on Instagram, knows this all too well. On her Insta platform, Alison shares powerful cognitive behavioral techniques for managing anxiety, and just recently she’s started opening up to her over 45,000 followers about her pursuit of love and the role anxiety plays in this process. Join us to discuss:- Why the typical first date advice of “just be yourself” doesn’t work for those with anxiety.- How “inner child work” greatly alleviates dating anxiety.- Why taking time to visualize yourself with the love you’re looking for is a GREAT idea—and could even rewire your brain!- How your single years can be a gift to yourself and your future partner!- Why the cliché of “you have to love yourself first” is wonderful in theory, but simply doesn’t cut it. Hear Alison’s love journey and learn tangible, manageable strategies for tackling the dating scene AND overcoming anxiety!
Clinical psychologist Steven C. Hayes suffered from panic disorder. He tried all the therapeutic techniques he’d learned in his training and had employed with clients. But the attacks persisted. So, Dr. Hayes created his own therapeutic orientation—Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Dr. Hayes describes how through ACT we can resonate in the fullness of who we are and turn toward what brings us meaning and purpose in life! Join us to discuss:- How to manage our inner critic—what Dr. Hayes calls, “The Dictator.”- Our desperate need to belong and the ways we often self-sabotage in our efforts to connect with others.- Why a victim mentality feels vindicating, yet prevents us from getting anything we truly want!- How “defusing” from our thoughts empowers us!- Why our “problem solving mind” can wreak havoc on our emotional state.- Psychological flexibility and why it makes all the difference!- How we can more effortlessly live in alignment with our chosen values.Learn ACT therapeutic techniques you can integrate TODAY to reduce anxiety, increase your mood, and embrace the fullness of life’s experiences!Music by https://soundcloud.com/prime
Stepfamilies are the “new normal.” In fact, 50% of American kids will have a stepparent at some point in their lives (Health Research Funding, 2015). But, according to the Stepfamily Foundation, 75% of stepfamilies complain of “not having access to resources as a stepfamily.” For this reason, Kendall Rose wrote The Stepmoms Club: How to Be a Stepmom Without Losing Your Money, Your Mind, and Your Marriage. Kendall shares both her personal experience as a single woman who married a man with kids and the collective wisdom of the members of The Stepmoms Club. Join us as we discuss:- The imperative step you MUST take before marrying a man with children—and if you’re already married, do this immediately!- The “Stepmom Vortex” and how to avoid getting sucked into it!- Which blended family elements you can control and which you can’t.- Combatting the “evil stepmother” stereotype.- The infuriating Disneyland Dad Syndrome—why he does it and how to handle it.- The optimal way to deal with his difficult ex.- Why hitting the wall may be the BEST thing to happen to you and your family!- The unexpected blessings of a blended family.Learn from those who’ve been there—avoid the mistakes they made and find comfort in the camaraderie of your fellow stepmom sisters!
I’m so excited to kick off season two with Ken Page, LCSW, the author of my new all-time favorite dating book, Deeper Dating! Ken’s wisdom and teachings will transform your approach to dating, love, and most importantly—your relationship with yourself! Join us to learn:- Why you don’t need to figure out the origin of your fear of intimacy or abandonment in order to find true love. - The question you must ask yourself when dating and, how it leads you to love—and heals your soul in the process. - How to stop being attracted to people who aren’t good for you and start being attracted to people who are!- The essential quality your future partner must have!- How to break your fear of rejection once and for all!- Why safe, loving, good-for-us people can scare us.- The greatest saboteur of healthy new love!- How examining your prior, unhealthy relationships help you identify red flags to examine.- How to excise 70% of future relationship-related pain!Ken asserts your search for love is one of the most important, if not the most important, missions of your life! Be inspired by his passion and learn substantive strategies for deeper, more rewarding dating!Music: https://soundcloud.com/prime
It’s National Unmarried and Single Americans Week and I’ve got you covered with plenty of Love & Life episodes devoted to helping you stay happy, hopeful, and positive despite the frustrations and challenges of today’s dating scene. Learn how to deal with “single shaming” and discover the “date-onomics” which impact the dating landscape and your love life! You’ll feel encouraged and empowered as you discover strategies for how to thrive—not just survive—while living la vida solo. I wrap up the episode with a sneak peek into Season 2 of Love & Life. There’s so much good stuff ahead. Stay tuned!good morning by Amine Maxwell https://soundcloud.com/aminemaxwellCreative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream: http://bit.ly/2vpruoYMusic promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/SQWFdnbzlgI
As parents, can we encourage excellence without pressuring kids to be perfect? Dr. Jeffrey S. Reber, author of The Paradox of Perfection: How Embracing Our Imperfection Perfects, examines the specific concerns parents face as we help children develop determination and drive while protecting them from the pitfalls of perfectionism and the language of flawlessness. We also discuss parenting in the age of “mommy shaming” and how to avoid passing on our own struggle with perfectionism to our children. Dr. Reber’s book provides parents with support as they wrestle with perfectionistic tendencies—both their children’s and their own! Music from Lakey Inspired https://soundcloud.com/lakeyinspired/the-process
We all want to “live our best life,” but too often our drive toward excellence morphs into a quest for the impossible—perfection. Dr. Jeffrey S. Reber, author of, The Paradox of Perfection: How Embracing Our Imperfection Perfects Us unpacks the many layers of perfectionism—where it comes from, why we struggle with it, and how it alienates us from each other and ourselves! We delve into:•Perfectionism in the age of social media.•Vulnerability and perfectionism.•The most powerful aspect of psychotherapy—and how it relates to perfectionism.•The “deep shame” that keeps so many of us trapped in the pursuit of flawlessness.•How perfectionism in marriage prevents true intimacy.•Perfectionism in the age of the “gotcha culture.”Join us to discuss the paradox of perfection—how embracing our imperfections allows us to live lives of vulnerability, authenticity, and deep intimacy.
We have a core human desire to love and be loved and many, if not most, of us believe our relationships to be the most important aspect of our lives. Yet in most countries, there’s very little formal education on how to cultivate healthy relationships—with ourselves and with others! Because of this we model the dynamics we witnessed in our family of origin—and for many of us, what we observed in childhood doesn’t provide a solid foundation for our adult connections. With all the psych research on friendship, love, and marriage, it’s surprising we don’t integrate this literature into school’s curriculums. If this concerns you, please take a listen to this episode in which Australian dating coach Renee Slansky shares her mission to implement love education into schools’ curriculum and beyond!Music: https://soundcloud.com/lakeyinspired/blossom
World renowned dating coach, Renee Slanksy, shares how a decision to completely own her choices in love allowed her to break free from a narcissist and find her Prince Charming! Find out how Renee’s strategy can work for you as we address:•Renee’s #1 bit of advice for women dating today!•What men are really looking for on a first date.•How MEN get objectified…•The ONE reason a man will commit to a woman.•How entitlement negatively affects the dating culture.•What women all too often fail to understand about men.•The only two reasons people stay single.•The concrete things you can do TODAY to free yourself from a toxic relationship. •Why we need to date ourselves FIRST—and keep dating ourselves even when we’re in relationships!Join us for wisdom and inspiration from both Renee’s personal journey and her international coaching practice!Music:Warm Nights by LAKEY INSPIRED (https://soundcloud.com/lakeyinspired) is licensed under a Creative Commons License.(CC BY-SA 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...
Psychologist, podcast host, and author of, How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety, Dr. Ellen Hendriksen shares powerful techniques for managing—and even overcoming!—social anxiety. Join us as we discuss:•The difference between social anxiety and shyness.•The nature vs. nurture debate and how it relates to social anxiety.•How our behavior rewires our brain—and how we can use this knowledge in overcoming social anxiety.•The myth of confidence in social settings (spoiler alert: it’s not actually necessary!)•How we can replace and embrace irrational thoughts to alleviate anxiety.•The research behind “playing a role” in social situations, and how this “acting” ends up revealing your authentic self.Step away from debilitating nervousness and step into the social life you’ve always wanted by taking charge of your thoughts to rise above social anxiety!Music By: LAKEY INSPIRED @ https://soundcloud.com/lakeyinspiredTrack Name: "Days Like These"
Navigating the dating scene can prove dicey for all of us, but the process is often even more formidable for those living with physical disabilities. After leaving a long-term relationship, writer and podcast host, Jacqueline Raposo, found herself traversing a daunting dating landscape—one made exponentially more complex due to chronic illness. In this episode, Jacqueline and I take a deep dive into the unique challenges of dating with physical limitations, including—how to construct a dating profile (i.e. should you mention your chronic illness?), the anxiety of wondering if (when?) your physical restrictions may prove “too much” for your partner, chronic illness and identity (can it be a part of who you are without defining you?), and how to manage breakups and the disappointment of knowing that sometimes a relationship dissolves for one reason—the disability. Join us to hear how Jacqueline dated—and fell in love!—with chronic illness. Music: Track Name: "5 Min Call"Music By: LAKEY INSPIRED @ https://soundcloud.com/lakeyinspired
In this final segment of my interview with dating guru, The Fairy Godfather, we explore how heeding his advice improves our success in love, increases our self-worth, and inspires us with a powerful philosophy for living!Listen to learn: •How to dodge guys who are just out to manipulate you! •Why the one-hour coffee first date is non-negotiable. •How TFG’s Self-Worth Sundays directly impact your dating life!•How to pace your texts when you’re first getting to know a guy—and why it’s imperative you do so! •Which “old rules” of dating still apply and which don’t work at all in the age of online and Tinder dating.•How to use the Scarcity Principle to increase desirability!•Why TFG’s account is for women only—and how this protects us.•The power of TFG’s Dating Dictionary definitions.•Which questions drive TFG crazy!Join us to equip yourself with TFG’s fairy magic to “stay woke” on the dating scene!Road Trip by Joakim Karud https://soundcloud.com/joakimkarudMusic promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/vpssnpH_H4c
From trauma survivors, to those with psychiatric diagnoses, to individuals seeking personal growth and development, many people find powerful healing and renewed hope through equine assisted therapy. But how, exactly, does interacting with horses impact our psychological state? Psychotherapist Kate Lambie and equine specialist Janada Halbison-Gibbs join me to address this question and discuss the profound emotional growth and healing EAGALA (Equine Assisted Growth and Learning Association) therapy affords. Learn how horse therapy creates space for introspection—often helping clients process and resolve deeply repressed issues—while providing clarity in the present and inspiration for the future!
The way we speak makes a strong impression on others—in fact, according to research in social and cognitive psychology, people make assumptions about us regarding not only what we say, but also how we say it. Moreover, women are judged more harshly than men in this realm. So, when we like, pepper our conversation with filler words, you know, and um, speak in up-talk so that statements sound like questions? then we’re perceived as less competent, confident, and intelligent than men—even when men utilize these same tendencies! But we CAN take charge of our speech and present ourselves confidently, persuasively, and powerfully by hiring a speech coach—and good news! There’s an app for that! Audrey Mann Cronin’s LikeSo and LikeSo PRO provide you (or your business) with a personal speech coach on your phone! Join us to learn how Audrey’s entrepreneurial spirit turned her passion into a mission as we kick off Love & Life’s Women Making it Happen series!Music provided by Free Vibes: https://goo.gl/NkGhTgHip Hop Instrumental #29 " 都 Miyako " (Free Download) by Piano Flava: https://soundcloud.com/snowdrop_jpn/hCreative Commons — Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/
Neuroplasticty is our superpower, so let’s learn how to use it—for dating, and in all realms of life! The principles of neuroplasticity take the theme of this podcast a step further i.e. not only can we take charge of our thoughts, we can rewire our brains! In this episode, I share how acquiring an understanding of neuroplasticity helped me mend a broken heart and reclaim my joy and optimism. I also provide practical ways to start flexing your neuroplasticity superpower today! My co-host for Modern Dating Mindset Dallas, Kara Adams, joins me to discuss the mindset strategies that enabled her to not only face life post-divorce, but embrace life post-divorce!
In this second segment of my conversation with The Fairy Godfather, we continue where we left off—with more straight talk on dating from a man’s point of view. We pick up with a question most women have wondered at some point, “Is it okay to ask a guy if he’s looking for a serious relationship?” (Spoiler alert: it’s more about when you ask, as opposed to what you ask!) He also discusses the differences between men and women when it comes to “bread crumbing” and he warns us to avoid wallowing in “textantionships” and teaches us how to protect ourselves from “love bombing.” TFG also shares why actions don’t always speak louder than word and he reveals the dating superpower all women have—if we can only learn to manage it!
Have you ever felt like you were asleep in your own life? You’re definitely not alone! Writer and mindset coach, Leisse Wilcox, describes the powerful—and admittedly, painful—process of realizing she was asleep in what appeared to be a picture perfect life. In this second part of my conversation with Leisse, she shares mindset shifts to help us wake up and fully revel in our authenticity, no matter what we’re going through—even, as is the case in Leisse’s life, in the midst of divorce and cancer treatments. We also cover:● Why focusing on ourselves isn’t at all selfish.● The defining moment when Leisse realized she was living a lie.● Messages we tell ourselves that allow us to stay asleep in our own lives.● How the confirmation bias kept Leisse in an unhappy marriage—and may be keeping you stuck in ways you don’t even realize!● The relationship between authenticity and anxiety. ●How Leisse “takes charge” of chemotherapy treatments to make them as beautiful as she possibly can.● What’s often behind our “people pleasing.”Leisse concludes our conversation sharing a quote from Brené Brown which helped her finally disentangle shame and pain. Join us to discuss all this and much more!Music:Great Days by Joakim Karud http://soundcloud.com/joakimkarudMusic promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/5lhZRunuJTs
All too often women look to other women to help them figure out what’s going on in guys’ heads. But shouldn’t we get the guys’ perspective from an actual guy? Well, now we CAN because, whether you know it or not, you have a fairy godfather looking after your love life! With over 40k Instagram followers, The Fairy Godfather has already helped thousands of women and he’s here for you, too! In my conversation with TFG we dig deep—learning how he earned the nickname, The Fairy Godfather, and what sets him apart from other “experts ”in the dating/relationship field. He also delves into the neurology behind texting and why typical dating advice rarely works!
Sometimes the ticking gets so loud it’s deafening. We try to “beat the biological clock,” but even if we beat it, do we actually win? Psychotherapists Brunnie Getchell and Alison Seponara dive into this question, sharing therapeutic techniques to help us adjust and adapt when life hasn’t played out as planned. Join us for a lively discussion on:•Mindfulness practices for easing anxiety (about the future) and depression (due to past regrets).•How reframing the pain of “missing” life’s milestones facilitates emotional healing. •Recognizing when we give away our power—and how to take it back!•Ways to cultivate intimacy in our lives—even when love has yet to arrive.•Why the option to settle isn’t really an option—and how settling is related to dysfunction in families. Brunnie and Alison offer insight from their therapeutic expertise and encouragement from their personal journeys as single women who’ve had to navigate circuitous routes and make peace with the ticking of their own biological clocks.Music: https://www.purple-planet.com
“Just be yourself!” It should be so easy, but for most of us, the quest for authenticity proves an ongoing struggle. Mindset coach Leisse Wilcox joins me to delve into vulnerability, pain, and finding our true self. Leisse shares how the agony of her divorce led to her become “unapologetically clear” regarding who she is and what she’s about. We discuss the challenges we all face when pursuing authenticity—including insensitive comments from others and what these responses actually mean. Leisse discusses how her background in child development not only helped her explain her divorce to her three young daughters, but also helped her process the experience herself. We wrap up part one of our conversation with an authenticity mantra courtesy of Sex and the City’s Charlotte York Goldenblatt!
Are you struggling to meet quality people online and via apps? Maybe it’s time to try a different approach—like I did! After years on the dating scene and no success online, I figured there had to be a better option, so I joined It’s Just Lunch and let a matchmaker do the work for me. In this episode, Dan and I talk about our experience with a dating service and what it’s like to have a professional pick out your dates. Then Melissa Brown, CEO of It’s Just Lunch, joins the conversation to share how IJL could help you meet someone special!www.drkarin.me
We all know that exercise benefits both physical and emotional health. But there’s more to the story! Author William Pullen joins me to discuss his book, Running with Mindfulness: Dynamic Running Therapy (DRT) to Improve Low-Mood, Anxiety, Stress, and Depression. We talk about so much good stuff including:How DRT addresses isolation in an age of hyper-connectedness.The step too many therapists overlook when treating depression.What Prince Harry needs to incorporate in his “End the Stigma” campaign.The listening skill that will enhance your relationship with everyone in your life.How therapeutic techniques help the FBI negotiate with kidnappers—and how this relates to your ability to deeply connect with others.Pullen leaves us with practical tools to elevate your mood from Dynamic Running Therapy and spoiler alert—you don’t need to be a runner to utilize them! www.drkarin.me
We hear it all the time—strong relationships start with loving yourself first. And while this advice seems reasonable in theory, it’s not always especially useful in practice. What does it really mean to love yourself and how exactly do you do it? Katherine Baldwin, author of How to Fall in Love: A 10-Step Journey to the Heart, joins me to talk about her lifelong quest for self-love and how she finally found peace (and love) after years of restlessness and self-sabotage. We talk about the dangers of being “in deficit” and discuss strategies and tools to help us fall in love . . . with ourselves!
CBD oil—everyone’s talking about it and many claim it cures a wide array of conditions—anxiety, ADHD, depression, rheumatoid arthritis, psoriasis, and polycystic ovarian disease, just to name a few! But does it really work? And if so, how can does it treat both psychological and physiological problems? Jen Kerr of HempWorx joins me to provide answers to these questions and more. She addresses the controversies surrounding CBD oil—spoiler alert, yes, it’s legal and no, you won’t get high from it—and shares the research she’s uncovered, along with personal testimonials of CBD success—including her own!www.drkarin.me
Hospice nurse Amber Runyon visited Ethiopia and witnessed little girls being sold into prostitution. Appalled and discouraged, she returned to the U.S. only to realize her hometown, Columbus, Ohio, had an enormous problem with human trafficking as well. She decided to shine a light in this darkest domain by starting Eleventh Candle Co. to provide jobs for those trying to leave the sex trafficking industry. Amber joins me to share her story and inspire us all to make a difference in whatever way we can—even something as simple as buying a candle, can combat human trafficking!www.drkarin.me
Dating apps—most of us have a love/hate relationship with them. Yes, they help us connect, but do these connections ever go anywhere? Too often the answer is no—until now! The good news is, a new option has hit the scene—Cove Dating App! Charles Messow, creator of Cove, joins me to discuss the radically different approach Cove offers. As Charles says, “People are starving for more depth. We’ve put together a product with a lot of love and thought behind it.” Listen to find out how a dating app CAN facilitate deep, meaningful relationships!www.drkarin.me
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, over 70% of remarriages involving children from a previous relationship end in divorce. Clearly, blended families face unique challenges. To further complicate matters, in some cases a husband brings children to the marriage while his new wife struggles with infertility. Kelly Palmquist, MSW, joins me to talk about raising his kids, while desiring our own.www.drkarin.me
It’s sad, but true. Young girls can be very mean, but what can we do about it? Katie Hurley, LCSW, author of No More Mean Girls: The Secret to Raising Strong, Confident, and Compassionate Girls joins me to discuss this and other important developmental concerns. In Part 2 of my conversation with Katie, we discuss the profound impact of sleep deprivation (spoiler alert: your kids may not have anxiety or ADHD, they may actually just be sleep deprived!), the uber competitive nature of sports today, the “culture of busy,” and the three most important needs of the developing brain. We also delve into the debate surrounding praise (are kids receiving too much or too little praise?) and why you need to assess your child’s “self-esteem baseline.”www.drkarin.me
Girls can be mean—very mean. And in this modern era, “mean girl” dynamics start in the primary grades—or even preschool! Katie Hurley, author of No More Mean Girls: The Secret to Raising Strong, Confident, and Compassionate Girls, joins me to share practical strategies for empowering girls! Learn the cognitive distortions that affect self-esteem and how to teach girls more realistic and positive ways of thinking. Find out what Katie believes is behind “girl drama” and what parents can do to equip their daughters to thrive in a variety of social contexts. We delve into research on SEL (social and emotional learning) and discover how it impacts not only social skills, but academic achievement as well! Finally, Katie provides the latest research on combatting bullying—we learn what really works!
According to US Census data, in the past 30 years there’s been a dramatic increase in the number of adult children (18-34) who remain living at home. Clearly, the path to adulthood proves somewhat daunting and circuitous for this generation. Dr. Brad E. Sachs, author of Emptying the Nest: Launching Your Young Adult Toward Success and Self-Reliance, joins me to discuss this “failure to launch” phenomenon. We look at the family dynamics related to a young person’s reluctance to leave home (spoiler alert: both the child and parents play a part!) and learn strategies for encouraging and supporting families as they navigate this developmental transition.
Getting back “out there” after a divorce can prove daunting and discouraging—but it doesn’t have to be! After a devastating divorce in her mid thirties, UK Dating Coach of the Year, Ané Auret, believed her life had veered horribly off course. But what seemed like her darkest hour, ended up transforming her life in every possible way! She rediscovered her identity, found true love, and embarked upon a new career as a dating coach. In this episode, we discuss how your “confirmation bias” affects your love-life and delve into the unique challenges of post-divorce dating in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond. Ané provides encouragement for divorcées—and others—who strive to maintain hope and belief in love!www.drkarin.me
There’s a lot of drama out there, but does there have to be? This week I answer three questions from listeners regarding complications in their relationships. Jessica wonders why her ex-boyfriend craves so much drama. Amanda isn’t sure if she should wait for Mark to get his life together—especially since he keeps telling her she deserves better. And Becky’s in a complicated situation with her boyfriend of three years. We delve into the reasons behind each “it’s complicated” scenario and discuss ways to extricate ourselves from unsatisfying, nebulous connections!www.drkarin.me
Raising emotionally healthy kids is no easy task and according to Dr. Leonard Sax, it’s infinitely more difficult for American parents compared to parents in Western Europe. In part 2 of my interview with psychologist, physician, and author, Dr. Leonard Sax we discover:•Why American kids are exponentially more likely to be diagnosed with a mental illness than kids in Western Europe.•The brain damage that occurs from ADHD medications.•Sleep deprivation and how it affects kids’ cognition and motivation. •Why adult ADHD recently became a “thing” and why it’s not a legitimate diagnosis.•How boys and girls interact with social media differently and the impact on their emotional development.Dr. Sax provides research-based strategies for raising happy and successful kids in the midst of the collapse of American parenting. www.drkarin.me
Psychologist, physician, and author Dr. Leonard Sax joins me to discuss the many challenges of modern parenting. Dr. Sax has spent over 30 years treating children in his medical practice and has written four books on parenting and child development. Find out which childhood trait—intelligence, social skills, conscientiousness, or adaptability—best predicts success and happiness in adulthood. Learn proven parenting strategies (grounded in psych research) and discover why parenting is unquestionably more difficult today than it was 30 years ago (spoiler alert: it’s not just about technology!) Finally, hear why Dr. Sax believes we should not try to make our kids happy!www.drkarin.me
Why does it take so long for some of us to find The One? They say “timing is everything” but is that always the case? Or do some of us need to work through our "issues" before love will come our way? For Treva Brandon Scharf, getting married at age 50 revamped not only her love life, but her career identity as well. Her blog, The Late Blooming Bride, garnered her a book deal and radio show! We discuss these questions with Chip Gregory, my producer and late blooming groom, and share the challenges—and benefits!—of meeting The One with a few years under your belt.
Will and Grace may be the most famous, but they weren’t the first and they won’t be the last! To celebrate this special bond, I’ve invited my manager and BFF, Chip Gregory, to the program to help me examine the beautiful nuances of gay boy-straight girl love. We dig into the psych research on the topic—yes, we have data on this—and discuss stereotypes and terminology (i.e. “fruit flies” and “beards”). We close out the show with a question from Jared who’s had his heart broken so many times, he’s afraid he’ll never be able to trust anyone again. Join Chip and me as we delve into the unique dynamics of the gay boy-straight girl love affair!www.drkarin.me
Have you ever been ghosted? Or maybe you’ve been the one to ghost? In this episode, I examine the ghosting phenomenon and tackle the question, “Is ghosting the worst way to exit a relationship or is it perhaps, a kinder way to go?” I share how I responded to two times I was ghosted over my years of dating and bring in Dan and my 24-year-old niece, Amie, to share a millennial’s perspective on ghosting.www.drkarin.me
How do you cope when tragedy strikes? According to Valerie Giglio, lawyer, vocalist, and stroke survivor (at the way-too-young age of 42!), you maintain hope in the midst of despair by taking charge of your mindset! Hear how Valerie reclaimed her life after the stroke robbed her of her ability to walk, talk, and sing. Her triumphant recovery underscores the truth that our state of mind is a very powerful thing! Also on the episode, I introduce a new segment in which I’ll respond to listener’s emails. This week I answer Kelly’s question about whether or not she should try to be friends with her ex.www.drkarin.me
A museum dedicated to heartbreak? Yes, it’s a thing and I had to learn more! In this episode, I interview Alexis Hyde, director and curator of the Museum of Broken Relationships in LA. Who came up with this idea? What’s the museum’s purpose and mission? How can you submit an artifact? Alexis answers these questions and more and also shares how a walk through a heartbreak museum can prove healing and even uplifting! P.S. I think I’ve got a couple artifacts to submit myself!
Singles want to be in relationships, yet couples complain about how difficult relationships are. So why do we want relationships if they’re such hard work? But are they really all that hard? And do they have to be? This episode is the first in the occasional series called, “Let’s Get Real” in which I’ll dismantle relationship myths—starting with the bogus notion that relationships have to be hard! Dan joins me to discuss the research related to this topic and we share a song I wrote for him inspired by the idea that relationships should be as easy as breathing. www.drkarin.me
It’s the most wonderful time of the year—so why don’t we always feel the holiday cheer? In this episode I discuss reasons behind the Christmas blues and what science says we can do to make our spirits bright! Find out the things you do every day which lead to depression—and learn small adjustments that bring a big boost to your mood! As always, I leave us with a Love & Life hack for taking charge of your emotions this holiday season. Plus, I share an original Christmas song—you’re the first to hear it!
Are we losing the war on love? To begin the program, Dan and I play the “War on Love” card game created by this week’s guest, Alex Merritt, “The Love Engineer.” Alex then joins us to share the inspiration behind the game and what she’s learned about male/female communication when hosting her live events, “Dessert & Discussion.” Alex’s mission is to help men and women call a truce in the battle of the sexes and win the war on love!www.drkarin.me
In America today more than 33% of children grow up without a father in the home. Many of these children are left with a “father wound” which continues to impact them throughout their lives—often times without their awareness. John Finch of The Father Effect joins me to talk about the father wound he endured due to losing his father to suicide when John was just 11 years old. John shares his journey, what inspired him to launch The Father Effect (both a book and film), and how he was able to finally forgive his father and make peace with the reality of growing up without a dad.www.drkarin.me
Audrey Mann Cronin, creator of the LikeSo app talks with me about the importance of “saying it like you mean it!” We discuss how filler words (e.g. like, so, um, right) impede effective communication and we delve into the pitfalls of common speech tendencies such as up-talk and vocal fry. Find out what actress Lake Bell calls the “sexy baby voice” (even if you haven’t heard about it, you’ve definitely heard it) and discover how the LikeSo app can help you communicate with poise and confidence no matter the occasion—job interview, maid-of-honor toast, or presentation at work. As always, we leave you with a Love & Life Hack—a strategy to help you, like, be a better communicator, you know what I mean?
Why is it that so many people seem to have anxiety, depression, ADHD, or some other psychological disorder? Are we in the midst of a mental illness epidemic? Or, is it possible we've shifted our perception of what's "normal" such that what was once called shyness is now called Social Anxiety Disorder and grieving the death of a loved one is labeled as Clinical Depression? To examine this question, psychiatrist Dr. Allen Frances joins me to discuss his book, "Saving Normal: An Insider's Revolt Against Out-of-Control Psychiatric Diagnosis, the DSM-5, Big Pharma, and the Medicalization of Ordinary Life." Dr. Frances sheds light on the profound influence pharmaceutical companies have on the mental health landscape and provides us with strategies for approaching mental health from an informed and empowered position.
Dr. Shannon Warden, co-author of the book Things I’d Wish I’d Known Before We Became Parents, joins Karin to discuss solutions to today’s most pressing parenting challenges. We delve into the importance of boundaries in family relationships and examine ways to nurture your marriage in the midst of pressing parenting responsibilities. Dr. Karin’s Love & Life hack reveals the MOST important job of a parent! Hint: it has nothing to do with how you treat your children! www.drkarin. me
Author Jon Birger joins Karin to delve into today’s most frustrating dating dilemmas. What’s going on with the “hook-up culture” and why is it so much harder to have a solid relationship in the new millennium? Jon’s book, Date-onomics, sheds light on these questions and provides suggestions for increasing the odds of finding love. As always, Dr. Karin leaves listeners with a Love & Life Hack—strategies for thriving in love and life!www.drkarin.me
In this episode, Dr. Karin answers questions from all the single ladies! Listeners ask, "After being single so long, is it possible to become so independent that I'll end up stuck in my ways and unable to find love?" and "How do I get my mom to stop bugging me about my love life (or lack thereof)?" and "Why do I keep getting back with my ex even though I know we're not 100% right for each other?" Dr. Karin answers these questions, provides resources for further support, and, as always, leaves listeners with a Love & Life hack!
We all want to be great parents—but how? Actually, science points us in the right direction! This week Dr. Karin and her husband, Dan, discuss a well-established theory of parenting from the developmental psych literature—Diana Baumrind’s parenting styles take the guesswork out of parenting. It’s simple! Not easy, but simple!
Dr. Karin welcomes Kira Sabin of The League of Adventurous Singles to the podcast. Kira shares her philosophy for thriving while flying solo and reveals methods from her coaching practice, The Owner’s Manual. Spoiler alert: you will NOT learn the mysteries of the male mind (because Karin and Kira are women, after all) nor will you discover the secret to finding The One (because sadly, there’s no magic bullet) but you WILL learn strategies for loving yourself and loving your life—because as Kira says, “great relationships start with ourselves!”
How do you grieve the loss of something you never had? This week Dr. Karin welcomes to the program Nichelle Polston and Alisha Jones of the blog, Give Me a Ring and a Baby. We discuss the pain associated with a life that refuses to play out as planned—whether we’re longing for a husband but flying solo to yet another wedding or receiving a baby shower invitation the day we learn our IVF cycle has failed—for the third time! Nichelle and Alisha share their stories—their frustration (often exacerbated by insensitive, unsolicited input from friends and family) and their triumph—how they’ve managed to find peace, joy, and purpose in the midst of their unique grief.
Enduring the loss of a loved one is horribly painful, but experiencing a unique grief can prove difficult in unexpected ways. In this episode, Dr. Karin examines how we process loss when our culture provides neither protocol nor terminology for our distress. She interviews Christine Infanger of Thirty Roses about the tragic, sudden passing of her 30-year-old fiancé. In addition to the pain of losing the love of her life, Christine dealt with an onslaught of ridiculous and absurd comments from well-intentioned friends. Dr. Karin and Christine leave listeners with recommendations for how to approach those who are grieving in a kind, sensitive manner.
Dr. Karin always says, "Marriage is great, but only if it's a great marriage." So how do we keep the sparks alive? In this episode, Dr. Karin and her husband, Dan, discuss Helen Fisher's research on lasting attraction. She looks at couples whose brain chemistry evidences they're still "in love" despite spending 20+ years together and raising children. Dr. Karin leaves listeners with science based Love & Life hacks for keeping the sizzle in your marriage! #marriage #sex #inlove #lastinglove #couples #therapy #psychology #anthropology www.drkarin.me
Let’s talk about marriage! On this episode, Dr. Karin invites her husband, Dan, to join her in discussing nine research-based ways to assist you in cultivating a happy, healthy marriage that will go the distance. Dan leaves listeners with a Love & Life hack for how to make any man happy!www.drkarin.me
British breakup coach, Laura Yates, joins Dr. Karin to share strategies for breaking up in the healthiest way possible. They delve into the challenges of splitting up in the age of social media and Laura leaves us with two Love & Life Hacks for renewing and reclaiming your life when a relationship has ended.www.drkarin.me
Dr. Karin gets personal talking about one of the most painful breakups from her 27 years of dating. Crushed when Dylan left Chicago, Karin channeled her pain into songwriting. She shares details of the breakup and plays You Made Me—the edgy, angst-ridden song it inspired. She leaves listeners with a Love & Life hack for how to “take charge of the pain!”www.drkarin.me
Dr. Karin answers listeners' questions on this episode of Love & Life. She helps Rebecca process her frustrations with married friends and assists newly divorced Mindy in navigating her way through the singles' scene. Dr. Karin then addresses Carly's question about the challenges of dating in the "Digital Age."
In this episode, Dr. Karin shares three research-based strategies to help us feel better about ourselves by focusing on our thoughts. She delves into the phenomenon of "Facebook Depression", discusses Dr. Carol Dweck's theory of mindsets, and explores the connection between ruminating and mood. Dr. Karin leaves us with 3 Love & Life Hacks you can immediately implement to increase your self-esteem today!
We're kicking off March by renewing and reclaiming any areas of our lives that are out of step with our authenticity! Teresa G. Carey joins Dr. Karin to share her story of being trapped in an abusive marriage for 23 years. Her life appeared perfect on the outside, but things were horrible behind the scenes. Listen to learn how Teresa escaped "The Attractive Trap" and reclaimed her life!
The Love is Real Series: Part 3The We love our BFFs and promise to stay close forever, but doing so can be difficult when life takes us in different directions. In this third episode of The Love is Real series, Dr. Karin talks about how to navigate the "seasons" of friendship. She invites her college roommate, Miriam Conner, to join the conversation and they discuss ways that helped them remain close over the years—even though Miriam married young and moved to another state. Dr. Karin leaves you with 3 "Love & Life Hacks" to help you and your besties stay strong!www.drkarin.me
Damia Jackson of "Single Girls Rock" joins Dr. Karin to talk about ways to thrive on Valentine's Day no matter what's going on in your love life! Damia gives advice from her blog post, "A Single Girl's Perspective on Valentine's Day" and explains how and why she started Single Girls Rock. www.drkarin.me
"Is this relationship the 'real deal'?" "Is he The One?" "Do we have what it takes to go the distance?" "How can I make my marriage better?" In this episode Dr. Karin unpacks these questions and more..to give you "love and life hacks" helping you better understand and enhance the love in your life. With input from her husband, Dan (#TheOne), Dr. Karin explains how to analyze relationships using Dr. Robert Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love. She provides ways to enrich love via Dr. Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages.
When making major life decisions, it's easy to let fear cloud our judgment. We play it safe and stay with what is known, rather than following out hears and living authentically. In this episode, Dr. Karin explains how to tackle fear head-on by examining our irrational thoughts. She shares how she almost married the wrong man because she worried that she may never meet the right one! Dr. Karin also discusses research showing how fear of being single keeps people from leaving unsatisfactory, unhealthy relationships. www.drkarin.me
Can Taking Selfies help you live more authentically? In this episode Dr Karin invites fellow therapist and friend Kate Lambie, to join her in tackling this question. They explore the benefits of authentic living (supported by science!) and argue that selfies serve as snap shots of who we are and what we're about. If observed objectively, they may indicate whether or not we're resonating with our true selves. www.drkarin.me With a Ph.D in psychology and 27years on the dating scene (before marrying The One), Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell brings life experience and academic acumen to her philosophy on love and relationships.
With a Ph.D. in psychology and 27 years on the dating scene, Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell brings life experience and academic acumen to her philosophy on love and relationships. In episode two, DR. Karin discusses the notion of "singlism" and how many of us experience -or are guilty of - "single shaming" without even realizing it! She gets personal sharing a story from her single days and explains how the "single shaming" she experienced led her to write her book, Single is The New Black: Don't Wear White 'Til It's Right, as a word of empowerment and encouragement to singles who have the guts to go it alone despite the "single shaming" they encounter!!www.drkarin.me
With A Ph.D in psychology and 27 years on the dating scene, Dr. Karin Anderson-Abrell brings life experience and academic acumen to her philosophy on love and relationships. In this first episode, Dr. Karin shares three key principles for living a happy, hopeful, and positive life expressed by her favorite hashtags! She Discusses how to #GetHappy by taking charge of your thoughts, to take charge of your life! She then delves into the importance of authenticity in relationships and explains how EVERYONE around you benefits when you #NEVERSETTLE. www.drkarin.me