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Love & Life with Dr. Karin

Love & Life with Dr. Karin

By Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell
Take charge of your thoughts, take charge of your life! On Love & Life, Dr. Karin explores research-based methods for happy, hopeful, positive living! She delves into all the good stuff—how to have true intimacy in romantic relationships, more meaningful friendships, healthier family connections, and more fulfilling careers. Each episode leaves listeners with a Love & Life Hack—a quick fix to improve your emotional wellness TODAY!
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“Chemical Imbalance” Theory of Depression is Debunked. Plus, Where We’re Headed in Love & Life Ep. 200
It’s our 200th episode—time to reflect on where we’ve been and where we’re headed! My first thought is how grateful I am for the opportunity to share with you and our community. Your comments, emails, and dms mean everything to me. They let me know you resonate with Love & Life’s mission:  “Conversations grounded in psych research to help us thrive in love and life.” On Love & Life, we’re all about the research–which is why we’re so dismayed by the degeneration of science we’ve recently witnessed. In this episode, we discuss 3 cases of faulty science which have just come to light, starting with an umbrella study by Joanna Moncrieff and colleagues which finds no connection between depression and serotonin levels. Although many psychiatrists have doubted the “chemical imbalance” explanation of depression for years, pharmaceutical companies continue to promulgate this unsubstantiated theory because it has, obviously, greatly boosted sales of antidepressants. We examine two other instances of manipulated science including a shocking revelation that the last 16 years of Alzheimer’s research has been based on falsified brain images. And, the third example surrounds the bizarre and utterly unscientific response to the COVID pandemic over the last 2 ½ years. We look to science to help us explore and uncover truth. When findings are misrepresented, it shakes our confidence, but it also reminds us we need to be discerning and savvy when consuming information—even information coming from sources we once believed we could trust. What does all this mean for Love & Life? Ultimately, it reinforces our commitment to pushing back against Big Pharma and its efforts to medicalize our every emotion! I’m so grateful for your support over these last 200 episodes. Thank you SO MUCH for being a part of the Love & Life family! https://www.bmj.com/content/378/bmj-2021-067606 https://www.commonsense.news/p/tgif-debunked-edition Moncrieff, J., Cooper, R., Stocmann, T., Amendola, S., Hengartner, M., & Horowitz, M. (2022). The serotonin theory of depression: A systematic umbrella review of the evidence. Molecular Psychiatry. Whitaker, R. (2015). Anatomy of an Epidemic. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
24:41
August 19, 2022
Have You Ever Been Told You’re Single Because You’re Too Picky? Ep. 199
As many of you know, my book, Single is the New Black:  Don’t Wear White ‘til it’s Right, resulted from my experiences as a single woman who read all the other books for single women and found them, in my estimation, to be lacking. I resisted other books’ theses—that something must be inherently wrong with me and that’s why I was still single. Also, so many self-help books for single women morph into dating “how to’s.” Which, I was never a really big fan of dating do’s and don’ts because I believe we need to date as our authentic selves. Sure, we can—and should—present the very BEST version of our authentic selves. We absolutely want to date with confidence, emotional maturity, kindness, and mutual respect—for those we date and for ourselves. So, I wrote my own book about how to stay true to ourselves while dating, and how to manage the single shaming comments you likely hear from time to time. It’s a word of encouragement and empowerment and a reminder that you’re strong and courageous because–it’s easy to settle, but you’re not about that life! One of the single shaming comments I often heard was, “Karin, don’t you think maybe you’re too picky?” This comment drove me crazy. I know people meant well, but they clearly didn’t understand how insulting a comment like this is! Were they suggesting that everyone else gets to marry someone they’re crazy about, but since I’m over 35, now I need to just settle for someone mediocre? It was infuriating! So, I devoted a chapter in my book to the topic and it’s here for you in this week’s episode! For more of Single is the New Black, you can listen to chapter 1 and chapter 11 in episodes 90 and 145 of Love & Life or, grab your copy on Audible or iTunes. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
30:08
July 30, 2022
Instead of Boys, I Started Chasing My Goals: Singer-Songwriter Jenny Mallard Writes a Song Inspired by Love & Life! Ep. 198
A little while ago, I received an email: “Hey there! My name is Jenny Mallard and I’m a Canadian singer-songwriter and also a huge fan of your podcast. I actually just released my debut single, partially inspired by the themes of some of your podcast episodes and your book. Basically, I’ve always wanted a man to write me a love song. Then one day, I realized, I’m a singer songwriter. I’ll just write one for myself. It’s called, “I Do: The Self Love Song.” This is a shot in the dark, however, I’m just a huge fan and I’d be honored for you to take a listen. Thanks!” As you can imagine, I was so touched to receive this email. So, I immediately replied telling Jenny how honored I was to know she felt inspired by my work. I knew the Love & Life family would resonate with Jenny’s journey, so I invited Jenny to share the themes of her song with all of us. Join us as Jenny discusses how clarifying her values brought her life into focus. She left a 3 year relationship, got serious about her music career, and wrote a love song to herself! Jenny Mallard Instagram: @jennymallard Listen to "I Do" on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/3HNn46tj9Uzb1zeGLNtWY5?si=t_TJR3RAQmS2EeGcSg9uTQ  Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
36:31
July 22, 2022
Bye Fiancé! When Empowered Evolving Means Calling Off Your Wedding with Kiley Schmitz Ep. 197
In preparing for part 2 of our series called Empowered Evolving, I reflected on my own life—when have I evolved? How have I grown and changed—even when in doing so, I lost relationships and connection and security? Of course, calling off my wedding came to mind… When you break an engagement, you’ve evolved in a way that’s unexpected—unexpected to your fiancé, obviously, and also to your friends, your family, and even, yourself. And it’s hard. Very, very hard. Then again, we become stronger and empowered as we evolve in the direction we’re supposed to move—when we step toward authenticity, toward truth, toward hope, toward joy. And, step away from FEAR. As I thought about Empowered Evolving, my friend Kiley Schmitz kept coming to mind. Kiley also broke off an engagement. She’s in her 30s. Her life looks nothing like she once envisioned it. And, she couldn’t be happier. Join us to discuss empowered evolving as it pertains to dating, engagement, marriage, and relationships in general. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
49:19
July 01, 2022
Addicted to Love: Relationship Addiction and Single Shaming with Life Coach Nazra Peterson Ep. 196
“Might as well face it, you’re addicted to love.”—Robert Palmer  Are you addicted to relationships? Many of us—even strong, independent women—feel unsettled, lonely, and anxious when we don’t have a partner.  Life coach Nazra Peterson believes single shaming is to blame—and often, we’re single shaming ourselves!  In our conversation, we dive deep into the following topics:  The 4 key relationships you have with YOURSELF!  How to desire partnership without appearing desperate.  How to determine if your beliefs about relationships are yours or if you’ve internalized them from others—and how to change them if they’re limiting.  The power in being blissfully dissatisfied.  Relationship addiction as evidenced by how we break up with someone—staying long past the expiration date.  Loyalty vs. commitment.  Freedom in intimacy i.e. When you’re in a relationship you CAN do whatever you want to do!  When your friends might be leading you astray when it comes to love!  Join us to determine if you’re addicted to relationships and if so, how to “kick the habit!”  Nazra Peterson Website: https://www.heartmindfitnesstraining.com/ Instagram: @heartmindfitnesstraining / @iamnazramarie Dr. Karin  Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/  Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook  Instagram: @dr.karin  Single is the New Black:  Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible  iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
47:50
June 16, 2022
When You Change Your Mind, Will You Lose Your Community? Ep. 195
In this week’s mini episode, I’d like to share a few thoughts about the Empowered Evolving series we kicked off last week. I knew my conversation with Isabella would generate some feedback and I’ve received both positive and negative responses to it.  How do we remain connected with those we love, even when—or especially when!—we disagree. We want to live empowered, we want to grow and evolve, and we want to maintain intimate relationships with those we love.  Is this even possible?  I share the strategy I’m currently using myself in efforts to do all of the above. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
10:58
June 10, 2022
Empowered Evolving: Values, Boundaries, and Trans Ideology with Radical Truth Teller Isabella Malbin Ep. 194
Welcome to Love & Life’s occasional series—Empowered Evolving. We talk about empowered living all the time on Love & Life. We look to psych research and techniques from psychotherapy to help us, as former Love & Life guest, Dr. Steven C. Hayes founder of ACT puts it, “take committed action in the service of our chosen values.” We live empowered by living out our values—clarifying what they are and then taking committed action toward them.  Sometimes, as we clarify our values, we realize we’re moving away from where we’ve been. We’re stepping into uncharted territory. We’re leaving comfort and certainty behind.  But, if we’re committed to maintaining an open mind and considering various viewpoints, it’s not surprising that sometimes, we change our mind.  We’re evolving.  Empowered evolving entails honesty and commitment—a commitment to our principles. And, it takes courage; it takes a lot of courage to speak out when your community expects you to adhere to its belief system.  Isabella Malbin knows about evolving. Her evolution began when as a doula, Isabella witnessed abusive practices in hospital delivery rooms. She moved into hypnobirthing and rejected euphemisms such as “belly births.” Eventually, her mentor asked her if she wanted to be a reformist or a radical.  She chose the latter.  Today Isabella hosts the Whose Body is It? podcast on which she raises consciousness around how women are harmed by transgender ideology, porn, and prostitution. She coaches women to help us wake up and speak out.  Isabella Malbin  Website: https://www.whosebodyisit.com/social  Instagram: @whosebodyisit  Dr. Karin  Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook  Instagram: @dr.karin  Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible  iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
01:07:60
June 03, 2022
Developing Deep Intimacy: The Essentials of Connection with Dr. Steve and Lisa Call Ep. 193
We all desire deep connection. We’re wired for intimacy. But searching for it is difficult and even when we find our person and we’re caught up in the excitement of falling in love, our journey to intimacy has really only just begun. Throughout partnership and marriage, our connection ebbs and flows. Sometimes we feel extremely close; at other times, we feel estranged and distant from the person with whom we want to feel most intimately connected. How do we restore deep, authentic intimacy? Dr. Steve Call and his wife, Lisa Call, address this question in their book, Reconnect:  Insights and Tools for Cultivating Meaningful Connection in Your Marriage. In today’s episode we discuss the following and more! Needing connection and the shame that often accompanies this need. Shame in relationships—judging ourselves and our partner. How discussing need, shame, and judgment minimizes their power and their negative impact on our connections. The healing power of relationships, connection, and community. Attachment styles and how they influence our intimacy. How to be gentle with ourselves and our stories. The lies of shame e.g. “If I told my partner this, I’d be rejected. The “story” we tell ourselves about our worth, needs, and what it means to be in partnership. Conceptualizing empathy as “feeling into” instead of “fixing.” The power of what Steve and Lisa call a “right brain to right brain” response—what this is and how it builds connection. How a fear that empathy isn’t enough actually blocks intimacy. The essentials of connection! The importance of rituals of connection—including play! The Calls’ insight and wisdom provide crucial tools for relating—whether you hope to deepen intimacy with your partner or build connection to friends and family members. Dr. Steve & Lisa Call Website: https://www.thereconnectinstitute.com/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black Audiobook:  Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible  iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
51:18
May 20, 2022
Masculine and Feminine Energy: Can Empowered Women Fully Embody Our Feminine Energy? with Sarah Blodgett Ep. 192
One of the questions I’m most often asked surrounds masculine and feminine energy. How can independent, empowered women embody feminine energy? Isn’t this essentially a contradiction in terms?  Are we able to inhabit the fullness of ourselves—including our ambition and drive—without presenting ourselves in a masculine manner and thereby attracting men who lead with feminine energy? Teacher, writer, speaker, and the creator of Everyday Starlet, Sarah Blodgett, joins us to consider these questions and more. Specifically, we speak to: The difference between masculine/feminine energy and traditional gender roles. The difficulty in trusting our partner’s protective masculine energy—especially if we’ve been in a controlling, abusive relationship in the past. When to resonate in your juicy feminine flow—and when we may NOT want to be in our feminine flow! Birth control pills and feminine energy. Body image and feminine energy. How our distrust of men may actually reflect a distrust of ourselves. What men with high masculine energy want—spoiler alert:  it’s NOT passive women! Sarah’s Everyday Starlet blog and YouTube channel inspire women to embody their femininity and sensuality, and be the star of their own life! She shares methods for leaning into the fullness of our feminine energy! Pro tip:  we can be fully empowered AND fully feminine! Sarah Blodgett Website: http://everydaystarlet.com/ Instagram: @sarahblodgett Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
01:06:17
May 11, 2022
How I Beat Depression Through Nutrition and Movement with Christine Coen Ep. 191
Christine Coen was a registered dietitian and fitness professional. She guided and encouraged clients toward their nutrition and exercise goals. She didn’t think too much about mental health—until she had to. When Christine fell into depression, she panicked. It was her job to motivate others, but she was struggling to even get out of bed in the morning herself! She started researching and soul searching. Christine realized she’d been focused on the exterior. It was time to look inward. She began pursuing eating and exercise with a new mission—it was no longer about the external. Now, it was about the internal. Through her own battle, Christine discovered natural methods to overcome anxiety, depression, and emotional eating. She joins us today to share these strategies with us! Citation: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/11/numbers https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/astounding-increase-in-antidepressant-use-by-americans-201110203624 https://www.drugwatch.com/ssri/prozac/ Breggin, P., & Breggin, G., (2021). Covid-19 and the global predators:  We are the prey. Lake Edge Press. Christine Coen Instagram: @christine.coen Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
55:14
April 28, 2022
Handbags and Human Rights: The Sapahn Story with Brooke Mullen Ep. 190
When I come across an empowered woman who’s all about empowering others, I want to share her journey with you—which is exactly why I invited Brooke Mullen of Sapahn to the program. Recently, I randomly came across Sapahn when I noticed this gorgeous purse/backpack in the March issue of Harper’s Bazaar. The bag reminded me of one I’d admired several years ago in a boutique in Indianapolis. Apparently, I couldn’t get the bag out of my head even all these years later! 😉 So, I hopped on Sapahn’s website and found that not only are the purses, backpacks, cross-body bags, and wallets absolutely stunning, I also learned that Sapahn provides employment for women in Thailand. According to Sapahn’s website: “Our luxury leather bags and accessories not only look good— they’re helping make the world a more beautiful place by honoring the basic human rights of workers throughout our value chain. We’ve fully embraced a regenerative business model that prioritizes personal empowerment over charity—and human rights is at the heart of all we do.” And since I’m all about this “buy a beautiful bag and uphold human rights life,” I wanted to share Sapahn with you and hear from its founder, Brooke Mullen! Join us to learn how we can demonstrate our values and “carry forward” human rights through intentional, ethical consumerism! Brooke Mullen of Sapahn Website: https://sapahn.com/ 15% Off Promo Code: LOVEANDLIFE Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
43:36
April 14, 2022
Dr. Duana Welch on Dating Factually! Ep. 189
Psychologist Dr. Duana Welch recently joined me for an Instagram Live to talk about the revised version of her must-read dating guide, Love Factually:  10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do. She tackled viewers questions and concerns, including: Why behaving as a high status woman is the opposite of playing games or acting coy. The science-based approach to actually getting courted—even if no man has ever treated you in that way before. How to weed out the men who aren’t looking for a serious relationship. How to communicate your standards in a very practical and respectful manner. How to write a profile which will attract a serious minded man. Why communicating your standards will protect you from narcissists and players when you’re online dating. How to open up to dating again after multiple heartbreaks. The 3 feelings you’ll feel if you’re in a healthy relationship! How to be vulnerable in an appropriate manner. How Dr. Welch met her partner online in a matter of months—and even found a tall man, when she was looking for a shorter man! Dr. Welch shared such important wisdom and research-based dating advice, I wanted to post our Insta live as Love & Life episode! Dr. Duana Welch Website: http://www.lovesciencemedia.com/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
01:02:33
April 05, 2022
Did You Inherit Your Anxiety from Your Parents? Ep. 188
Recently, I appeared on aParently Speaking podcast with Miriam conner. Miriam asked me to speak about fear—specifically, how parents may inadvertently pass on anxiety to their children. We discussed humans’ typical responses to fear—building upon the Fight or Flight model we all learned in school, and we explored the profound power of how we frame fear i.e. do we consider it part of our identity? Do we say things to ourselves like, “My anxiety makes me do such and such” or “I have anxiety”? Or rather, do we see fear as a part of life, but not a part of our core sense of self. We can empower ourselves by considering the ways we manage our feelings and ask ourselves questions like: Did I learn this emotional response from my mother? Did I get “my anxiety” from my father? As an adult can I shed any generational patterns of managing fear that aren't serving me? We may have inherited anxiety from our families, but we don’t need to own it in adulthood! Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
49:17
March 29, 2022
Mindful Dating with Marie Thouin, Ph.D. Ep. 187
You’re probably familiar with mindfulness, but how does it apply to dating? Marie Thouin, Ph.D. shares how a mindfulness practice can enhance our lives in myriad realms—and certainly when it comes to dating! Join us for a conversation surrounding: The science of mindfulness—there’s a TON of research on it! The self-knowledge mindfulness affords—even in the midst of heartbreak and loss. Why mindful dating brings out the best in you and your date! How mindfulness helps us move through rejection—including 3 tangible steps to become more resilient! The importance of being curious and compassionate with ourselves. Mindful swiping—it’s a thing! How to value our lives when our deep desires aren’t currently met. How mindfulness liberates us! If you’ve ever wondered what this mindfulness stuff is all about and how it might enhance your love life, this episode is for you! Citation: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/mindfulness/definition#why-practice-mindfulness  Dr. Marie Thouin  Website: https://www.loveinsight-dating.com/  Dr. Karin  Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/  Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook  Instagram: @dr.karin  Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
40:18
March 25, 2022
How to Build Deep Romantic Intimacy: Love & Life Live! at Judson University with Elliott Anderson, MA Ep. 186
We all desire deep, genuine intimacy. But so often, it feels incredibly difficult to cultivate! Sometimes we’re so infatuated we rush things. Other times, we fear getting close because we’ve been hurt so many times before. In our first Love & Life Live, psychotherapist Elliott Anderson joins me to speak to Judson University students about how to develop and cultivate deep, authentic, lasting romantic intimacy. Specifically, we discuss: What’s the definition of intimacy? How can we distinguish between intimacy and infatuation? Is there a concrete process for building intimacy? What do psychologists say about finding the “total package”? Is it possible? How clarifying your values—before you’re in a relationship—will help you build intimacy with your future partner. Can texting build true intimacy? What if I don’t have much relationship experience? Why spending time apart in the initial months of a relationship can actually enhance intimacy. Cultivating true intimacy—even if you have an anxious attachment and he has an avoidant one. Elliott provides concretes steps creating a loving, fulfilling, deeply intimate partnership! Rev. Elliott Anderson, M.A. Work with Elliott: https://loveandlifemedia.com/work-with-elliott-anderson Instagram: @pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
01:00:03
March 18, 2022
The Divorce Wound: Restoration and Redemption with Leisse Wilcox and Elliott Anderson, MA Ep. 185
Divorce is brutal. The wound it leaves is deep and lasting. Can we find restoration and redemption after the death of a marriage? Can we resuscitate a demolished heart? Leisse Wilcox and Elliott Anderson discuss the profound grief inherent to divorce. They hold space for the hurting. They honor the loss and pain. And simultaneously, they invite you on a healing journey. Specifically, they discuss: The primal wound vs. the divorce wound. Pain, shame, and blame surrounding divorce—and the gender differences Elliott has noticed in his work with couples. Leisse observes divorce can trigger the primal wound, causing us to swim in a “soup” of shame and pain. How divorce exacerbates the chronic “not enoughness” women feel. The parallels between divorce and death. The “zombie state” of divorce—the marriage is dead, but your ex is not. Elliott discusses how divorce leaves a spiritual wound and splits your psyche. Leisse compares divorce to cancer; she has endured both. We share strategies for dating a divorced man with children. Healing is a journey, not a destination. No one would pick the path of divorce. But restoration is possible; redemption is available. And, this road, though horribly painful, can help bring us home to ourselves. Leisse Wilcox Website: https://leissewilcox.com/ Rev. Elliott Anderson, M.A. Work with Elliott: https://loveandlifemedia.com/work-with-elliott-anderson Instagram: @pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
01:00:29
March 11, 2022
Attachment and Boundaries in Adult Children of “Gray Divorce” with psychotherapists Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg Ep. 184
In the US alone, more than 300,000 couples over the age of 50 divorce every year and this trend is growing. If you include the adult children involved, between 900,000 and 1.2 million people are impacted by the dissolution of these marriages. In fact, the term “gray divorce” has entered the lexicon to describe couples who part ways later in life. Despite the number of people affected by gray divorce, few resources exist to provide support as adult children manage this unexpected and painful family division. Psychotherapists Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg join me to discuss their book, Home Will Never Be the Same Again:  A Guide for Adult Children of Gray Divorce. So often, adult children of divorce feel invisible. Because they’re adults, others assume they’ll move through the divorce with ease. Their parents may even expect them to feel happy for them as they embark upon their new life. But adult children grieve the loss of their family and in addition to this pain, they’re faced with the challenges of visiting multiple homes for the holidays and navigating competing expectations for loyalty. Join us for an empathic conversation around the realities of gray divorce and its deep impact on all involved. Reference: https://academic.oup.com/psychsocgerontology/article/67/6/731/614154?login=false Carol & Bruce https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/contributors/carol-r-hughes-phd-lmft-and-bruce-r-fredenburg-ms-lmft  Book: https://www.amazon.com/Home-Will-Never-Same-Again/dp/1538135302  Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
54:23
March 03, 2022
Is Your Family Sabotaging Your Love Life? with Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson Ep. 183
Our families have a profound impact on us—not just in childhood, but throughout our lifetime! But, family dynamics can be tricky to sort out due to the intensity of emotions and because we lack the objectivity necessary to see ourselves and our connections clearly; it’s hard to observe a system when you’re part of the system. Furthermore, sometimes our families can unintentionally sabotage our efforts to find our person! Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson joins me for a deep dive into how connections to family members may impede our search for romantic partnership—unbeknownst to all involved! Specifically, Elliott and I discuss: The construct of individuation and its profound impact on not only your family life, but your love life! Why Elliott’s first question to the couples he counsels isn’t about them—rather, it’s always about their families. How we can be both close to and separate from our families! Your man’s lack of confidence as it relates to his individuation. How an adult daughter’s loyalty to her parents may keep her emotionally unavailable to romantic partners. How your parents’ “empty nest” marriage impacts your love life in ways you may not fully realize. Anxious attachment as it relates to enmeshed family systems. Why your brothers and sisters always hate your significant others. Spoiler alert: you need to individuate from your siblings, too! Individuation is an imperative process—one we work on throughout our lives. Though there may be struggles along the way, the differentiation process helps everyone in the family! Rev. Elliott Anderson, M.A. Work with Elliott: https://loveandlifemedia.com/work-with-elliott-anderson Instagram: @pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
46:18
February 24, 2022
Relationship Strain of COVID Part 3: Our Differing Values Drive Us Apart—How to Bridge the Division with Kate Lambie, LCPC Ep. 182
In this final segment of our “Relationship Strain of COVID” series, psychotherapist Kate Lambie joins me again for a discussion on values and how they impact our individual responses to the various elements of the pandemic. Spoiler alert—it all goes back to safety and security! We also consider the reality that at times, we may share the same values yet choose to act upon them in different ways. We ask these questions and more! Are bodily autonomy and medical freedom selfish during a pandemic? Are mandates a violation of civil liberties? Or, do they make sense in an emergency? If friends seem unwilling to find common ground, might they be reacting in this manner because they feel unsafe? How does clarifying our values develop empathy and compassion for one another? Kate and I see the pandemic from opposing vantage points. We share our personal struggle to maintain intimacy and connection during these intense past two years. Join us to hear the inside scoop—including the arguments!—of how we’ve tried to remain close despite our discrepant positions. We hope our journey will help you navigate these most challenging times. Disagreements need not pull relationships apart. In fact, healthy conflict management can increase intimacy and authentic connection. Source: https://covid19.nih.gov/news-and-stories/covid-19-vaccines-and-menstrual-cycle Kate Lambie Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/wild-hope-counseling-chicago-il/439158  Instagram: @kate_lambie_lcpc Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
25:57
February 16, 2022
Relationship Strain of COVID Part 2: Fear Has Polarized Us! How to Bridge the Division with Kate Lambie, LCPC Ep. 181
In part two of our series on the relational strain of the pandemic, psychotherapist Kate Lambie joins me to share a trauma informed understanding of fear. No matter what stance we’ve taken regarding the pandemic, we’ve all felt scared at one point or another. Some of us fear the virus; others worry more about the government’s policies surrounding mandates. Either way, our sense of security has been shaken and it’s probably not hyperbolic to suggest we’ve all been somewhat traumatized. In this conversation, Kate and I discuss the ways humans manage fear and how our differing responses may have impacted our connections to those we love most. In particular, we discuss: Common reactions to fear—fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and flock—and how these responses have polarized us over the last two years. Stress and empathy. Spoiler alert:  they can’t coexist—which is why we can be unkind when we’re freaked out! Self-regulation and how it helps us move through fear and maintain intimacy with those we love. How trauma and fear hijack our ability to reason. What’s actually at the root of all our pandemic relationship dissension. Kate and I see the pandemic from opposing vantage points. We share our personal struggle to maintain intimacy and connection during these intense past two years. Join us to hear the inside scoop—including the arguments!—of how we’ve tried to remain close despite our discrepant positions. We hope our journey will help you navigate these most challenging times. Disagreements need not pull relationships apart. In fact, healthy conflict management can increase intimacy and authentic connection. Citations:  - Perry, B. D., & Szalavitz, M. (2007). The boy who was raised as a dog. Basic Books. - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-and-recovery/202008/understanding-fight-flight-freeze-and-the-fawn-response?amp - https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14330237.2012.10874518 Kate Lambie Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/wild-hope-counseling-chicago-il/439158  Instagram: @kate_lambie_lcpc Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
57:22
February 09, 2022
Relationship Strain of COVID Part 1: Beliefs, Confirmation Bias, and How to Bridge the Division Ep. 180
The last two years have taken a toll on every area of our lives. One of the most painful elements of the pandemic has been the division it’s caused. Relationships have been strained and, in some cases, torn apart. How did we get here? How is it that friends and family members see the last two years from such different vantage points? In this episode, I talk about the beliefs we held before 2020 and how the confirmation bias has impacted our understanding of the pandemic. This episode is part one of a three-part series in which I share constructs from psychology to help us better understand our varying responses to the last two years and also, how to bridge the division we’re experiencing. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
30:30
February 03, 2022
Avoidant Attachment Q&A with Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson Ep. 179
Elliott is back to answer your questions in Part 2 of our conversation about Avoidant Attachment style. We start with a question from a listener who wrote in after hearing episode 165 about Anxious Attachment in which Elliott mentioned that “oneness” takes years to develop. Her question was: 1. What’s the difference between intimacy and oneness? We then get back to Avoidant Attachment and address the following questions from listeners: 2. I’ve recently left an abusive relationship and started dating an old friend. He was initially very attentive but then he started to pull away which caused me to begin to chase him. We’ve been on again/off again and I think I may have Anxious Attachment, while he’s likely Avoidant. Is it possible for us to make this work? 3. I’ve been on 7 dates with a guy and he’s talking to me about being exclusive but he’s still updating his Bumble profile. I confronted him about it and he said his friend updated it for him. Also, he tells me he hates confrontation. Does he have Avoidant Attachment style? Can I trust him? 4. After I’m intimate with someone, I want to push him away. Do I have an Avoidant Attachment style? 5. How do I give a relationship a chance? After 3 months, I find myself wanting to bolt! I must have an Avoidant Attachment style. Elliott and I field your questions and, because we’re siblings, we definitely don’t agree on every answer! Join us for a fun Q&A session about Avoidant Attachment styles! Rev. Elliott Anderson, M.A. Work with Elliott: https://loveandlifemedia.com/work-with-elliott-anderson Instagram: @pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
23:05
February 01, 2022
Help! I Keep Dating Men with Avoidant Attachment Style! with Elliott Anderson, M.A. Ep. 178
Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson is back to continue our series on Attachment Styles. This week we unpack Avoidant Attachment and consider the question, “Is it actually possible to have a relationship with someone with an avoidant attachment style?” Specifically, we address: Why avoidant men may initially appear very excited about the relationship and interested in commitment, but then later, they pull away. The internal struggle of Avoidant Attachment. The Pursuer-Distancer cycle—if you’ve dated someone with an Avoidant Attachment style, you’ve likely experienced this, especially if you have an Anxious Attachment style. When he marries you, but is still avoidant! Why it’s imperative to maintain your self-respect—and how to do so! Ways to bring up concerns about emotional intimacy with an avoidant partner. How to figure out if his Avoidant Attachment is something you can work with or if he’s completely emotionally unavailable. How to determine if you’re experiencing Avoidant Attachment yourself or, if you’re simply with the wrong person. Cultivating intimacy with someone with Avoidant Attachment—it is possible! If you’ve dated someone with an Avoidant Attachment style, you know how confusing it can be. Join us to gain clarity around attachment and acquire specific strategies to help build a healthy connection! Rev. Elliott Anderson, M.A. Work with Elliott: https://loveandlifemedia.com/work-with-elliott-anderson Instagram: @pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
46:23
January 25, 2022
What Science Says About Shacking Up: Is it an Empowered Move? with Dr. Duana Welch Ep. 177
As Love & Life listeners know, psychologist Dr. Duana Welch, author of the Love Factually book series, encourages us to date as “high status” women. In this episode, as always, she provides the science behind HOW to date high status and WHY it’s imperative we do so—especially when it comes to major decisions like whether to live together before getting married. Specifically, Dr. Welch addresses the following: If I present myself as high status, won’t he think I’m being manipulative and playing hard to get? How do I get him to view me as high status—what specific behaviors will show him this? What if I don’t feel high status? I have an anxious attachment style, how can I ever date high status? Everyone seems to think living together before marriage is a great idea. Do high status women cohabitate before getting married? Dr. Welch provides concrete, science-based answers to these questions and much more! Join us to acquire a high status, empowered approach to dating! Dr. Duana Welch Website: http://www.lovesciencemedia.com/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
59:20
January 19, 2022
Money & Love: Take Charge of Your Finances, Take Charge of Your Life! with Emily Burnett Ep. 176
Money is such a touchy topic. We’re told never to talk about it in polite company. And for many of us, it’s a subject we don’t ever bring up—even to ourselves! But ultimately, finances are all about values—just like the rest of life! When I was single, I valued living to the fullest and I also valued being fiscally responsible. At times, these values were in conflict. Emily Burnett knows all about this dilemma. She grew up in a home where fiscal responsibility was valued. Yet as a single woman in her thirties, she was $50,000 in debt. Ouch. But one day Emily had had enough. As she put it, “I make too much money to feel this broke!” Emily is here to help us get in the driver’s seat with our money! Join us for a conversation about: Dating when you’re in debt. Enjoying nice things when you can’t really afford them. Living paycheck to paycheck. Why you don’t need to feel bad about not having a budget. And also, why constructing a budget is empowering, liberating, and exciting! How planning for special purchases allows us to enjoy things twice! How to lose the guilt that often accompanies splurges! Why creating a budget enables you to get in touch with your values, see yourself more clearly, and become more authentic. How to get out of debt—even $50,000 worth of debt! Emily says, “A woman who is ‘on purpose’ can do so much good in the world!” Listen to our conversation to get “on purpose” regarding your finances, and watch this intentionality generalize to other realms of love and life! Emily Burnett Website: https://www.mosomoney.com/  Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
47:15
January 05, 2022
Science Says Do THIS for Lasting Happiness! Beat the Blues with Simple, Research-Based Strategies Ep. 175
We often think it takes big behavioral changes to impact our mental health, but according to psych research simple daily habits and choices make a huge difference on our emotional well-being. In this “best of the podcast” episode, we discuss two simple practices anyone can implement at any time to enjoy a boost in mood. Specifically, we discuss: The connection between social media usage and depression and anxiety. The fact that social media interactions don’t provide us with the same support IRL interactions do. The variable at work in “Facebook Depression.” A concrete plan for creating a gratitude practice and why it makes all the difference! It’s completely normal to feel a wide array of emotions—that’s part of being a human. But, help is here! Join us to learn simple, practical research-based strategies we can all utilize to level up our mental health and wellness. Reference: Steers, M. N., Wickham, R. E., & Acitelli, L. K. (2014). Seeing everyone else's highlight reels: How Facebook usage is linked to depressive symptoms. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 33 (8). https://guilfordjournals.com/doi/10.1521/jscp.2014.33.8.701 Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
18:33
December 24, 2021
Redeeming Heartache: Trauma is Profound, Healing is Possible with Dr. Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel, M.A. Ep. 174
“Part of what it means to be human is to suffer, but there’s a way to move through it that brings joy and goodness to both you and the world around you.” Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel. We all endure trauma—either Big T or Little T. We all seek healing. Yet all too often, the defense mechanisms we constructed to survive trauma, now keep us constrained. Join us to consider: Who we are meant to become in the midst of our heartaches. That we’ve all been orphaned, estranged, and widowed due to trauma and loss. How we can bring goodness and joy to others as we move through pain. According to Dan, “Every one of us suffers, yet our suffering is never meant to be only ours—we’re meant to not only join our own transformation, but also in the privilege of being able to join in others’ transformations.” If you’re hurting, you’ll feel a balm of empathy in Dan and Cathy’s words. Please join us for a tender, loving, healing conversation. Allender Center Website: https://theallendercenter.org/  Instagram: @allendercenter Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
52:27
December 17, 2021
Big Pharma, Big Censorship, & Big Gov Mandates with Dr. Diana Lipford Ep. 173
Naturopath Dr. Diana Lipford joins me again—this time to talk about the one topic we’re absolutely NOT supposed to discuss! Join us as we delve into the following questions and concerns surrounding the most pressing and controversial issue of our generation. How did Americans lose bodily autonomy? Where there is risk, there must be choice! What happened to second opinions? How did we get to the point where doctors’ legitimate questions were silenced by social media? Who are these “fact checkers” and why do they get to control the discourse? The lack of logic regarding mRNA experimental gene therapy mandates for children. Why an mRNA experimental gene therapy does not inoculate in the same manner as traditional vaccines. What the jab actually does in your body. The tyranny of forced compliance of a “vaccine” that doesn’t stop transmission or confer immunity. Why the phrase “trust the science” is a contradiction in terms—and every legit scientist knows it. How censorship has destroyed the possibility for informed consent regarding an experimental treatment—which violates medical freedom. The billions and billions of dollars Pharma has made via this warp speed rollout and mandates. Who politicized all this? How mass “vaccinations” drive mutation when implemented during high viral activity. Antibody dependent enhancement and pathogenic priming. The reason you’re at a greater risk of having an adverse reaction if you get the jab after you’ve already had the virus. No matter your stance on these concerns, I hope you’ll find our conversation thought-provoking and empowering. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
01:01:06
December 08, 2021
Alone: The Truth + Beauty of Belonging with Leisse Wilcox Ep. 172
If you’ve been single for any portion of your adult life—and especially if this solo season has lasted longer than you hoped it would—you’ve felt the ache of loneliness. You’ve watched happy couples and wondered when you’ll meet your partner. You’ve likely slipped into fear—what if you never meet your person? What if you never “belong” to anyone? Leisse Wilcox gets it. She’s felt these feelings—deeply. And, at 40, she continues to wrestle with a post-divorce, post-cancer diagnosis life that looks nothing like she expected it would. As a writer, Leisse has unpacked this struggle in her new book, Alone:  The Truth + Beauty of Belonging. Our conversation today can be summarized by my review of Leisse’s book. “Part memoir, part self-help guide, part love letter to anyone aching with loneliness, Alone:  The Truth + Beauty of Belonging assures us that though we may not choose to be alone, we absolutely choose the meaning we ascribe to our solitude. Through potent reframes e.g., What if self-care became soul care? and It’s the feeling you want, not the thing you want, Leisse emboldens us to embrace the truth that ‘when you belong to yourself, you are never really alone.’” Spielmann, S., MacDonald, G., Maxwell, J., Joel, S., Peragine, D., Muise, A., & Impett, E. (2013). Settling for less out of fear of being single. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 105, 1049-1073. Leisse Wilcox Website: https://leissewilcox.com/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
01:08:41
November 30, 2021
Chasing the Bright Side with Jess Ekstrom of Headbands of Hope Ep. 171
Jess Ekstrom started a headband company in her college dorm room—but even as a young entrepreneur, her goal wasn’t to make money, but to give back. For each headband purchased, Jess donates a headband to a child experiencing cancer or another illness.  As Headbands of Hope grew, Jess looked for silver linings despite the challenges and struggles inherent to building a business. As she began sharing her journey, she found joy in writing and speaking about “chasing the bright side.” She wrote a book with this title and now helps other women “tell and sell” their stories so they can “make a living and a difference at the same time.” Jess Ekstrom - Headbands for Hope Website: https://www.headbandsofhope.com/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
44:39
November 24, 2021
How to Know if You’re with a Narcissist and How to Safely Leave! with Tina Swithin Ep. 170
Narcissists are charming. They’re slick. They come on strong and sweep you off your feet. Oftentimes they keep up this charade for months—even years!—before you realize the truth about who they actually are. I hear from so many of you that you’ve found yourself in this scenario—stuck in an emotionally, psychologically, and sometimes physically abusive relationship. How did it happen? And more importantly, how do you leave? Won’t he escalate the abuse? And, how do you coparent with a narc if there are children involved? High Conflict Divorce Coach, Tina Swithin, joins me to share her journey of dating, marrying, and finally divorcing a narcissist. She discusses the red flags she unfortunately ignored when dating, how she ultimately recognized her husband was a narc, and what she did to extricate herself from the marriage while protecting her daughters. Tina not only survived marriage to a narcissist, she’s absolutely thriving! She’s taken the wisdom she gained through this horribly painful season of her life and now provides consultation and care for others via her “High Conflict Divorce” coaching. The need for her services was so vast, she now trains others to become high conflict divorce coaches! Tina Swithin Website: https://www.onemomsbattle.com/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
48:44
November 17, 2021
Science Says, Do THIS to Stop Hating Dating Apps and Find Love Online! with Dr. Duana Welch Ep. 169
Dr. Duana Welch, author of the Love Factually book series, is back on the program to explain how we can successfully navigate online and app dating. And the best part—as always, Dr. Welch’s recommendations are based in science! She brings not only the psych research to our conversation, but also her personal experience, as well. In fact, she recently found love herself on a dating app using these research-based strategies and she’s here to share how you can, too! Join us to learn: How his pictures reveal whether or not he’s commitment oriented! Why posting your hottest pics may NOT be the best tactic! Why nobody else should be in your pictures—especially your children! The big thing (literally) Dr. Welch calls a “guy magnet!” What “mating centrism” is and why you MUST understand it to date successfully! How to use the “scarcity principle” to accelerate the connection process. How to write a profile that attracts stayers, not players! Ways to beat the algorithms! Online and app dating can be so frustrating but when we look to the science, we make the process a little less maddening and increase our chances of meeting our person! Dr. Duana Welch Website: http://www.lovesciencemedia.com/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
59:07
November 10, 2021
Dating as an Empath with Intuitive Life Coach Melissa Lyons Ep. 168
Intuitive life coach Melissa Lyons wonders—what if we considered the “nutritional value” of our thoughts in the same way we assess the nutritional value of our food? Are we paying attention to our mindset? Do we recognize the impact of our thoughts on our feelings and on the energy we radiate and attract back to us? Melissa and I delve into the energy we bring to the dating scene and I share a few examples from my personal life when I found myself slipping into a negative, defeatist mindset. I realized I needed to get more intentional about, as Melissa would put it, the “nutritional value” of my thoughts in order to remain hopeful and positive. Melissa believes empaths, in particular, often struggle because their healing energy keeps them focused on others. She shares her thoughts on dating as a highly sensitive person and how women can begin to believe they deserve exactly what they desire in love and life! She also shares her free “I Have a Choice” mini course https://melissa-lyons.com/loveandlife and the opportunity to join her and 21 other experts for her Unwind Your Mind, What Now? What Next? Virtual retreat! https://melissa-lyons.com/unwind-your-mind-fall-21 Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
49:48
November 05, 2021
Treat Depression and Anxiety Without Meds! with Dr. Diana Lipford Ep. 167
Dr. Diana Lipford found her way into natural medicine after years of suffering from auto-immune disease, Rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, and intersistial cystitis. Conventional medicine wasn’t helping her so she eventually asked her doctor, “What can you do for me other than prescribe me with pills?” Her doctor looked at her as if she was crazy and had absolutely nothing to offer her. So, Diana tried another approach and saw a physician who specialized in herbs and nutrition. Initially, Diana was skeptical; she remembers thinking, “This man has no idea how much pain I’m in!” Her illnesses were debilitating, and Diana felt like a failure as a wife, mother, and teacher. She could barely function, yet her new doctor claimed her gut and liver health were the root cause of her problems. Diana figured, “I have nothing to lose . . .” so she gave this approach a chance and within 10 days, she experienced relief she never imagined was possible. Due to her own incredible healing and restoration, Diana became a naturopath and she now treats people from a holistic, integrative standpoint. Join us to learn the underlying physiological causes of depression and anxiety and free yourself from the grip of Big Pharma and the Medical Industrial Complex! Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
48:15
November 02, 2021
50 Dates in 52 Weeks: My Recovery from Divorce and Life with a Narcissist! with Cindy Drummond Ep. 166
When love continues to let us down, it’s easy to lose hope. After a divorce and painful breakup with a narcissist (who got hauled off to jail one random morning!), Cindy Drummond found herself alone, yet again. She wrestled, as we all do, with questions: How did I let this happen to me? Why didn’t I trust my gut and leave him when I sensed something was off? How can I heal and move forward? The mother of two teenage daughters, Cindy knew she needed to model strength and resilience so she set up a plan for recovery including hosting a retreat for women—Women’s Only Weekend (WOW)—and creating structure around her dating process by committing to going on 50 dates in 52 weeks. Join us to hear Cindy’s story and learn from the wisdom she gleaned by embarking upon 50 dates in a year! She shares this and more in her book, Reflections from the Dating Pool. Today's Sponsor:  Millionaire Match App Link: https://app.appsflyer.com/id1484587490?pid=af3236943  Cindy Drummond Website: https://www.cindydrummond.ca/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
35:11
October 27, 2021
Anxious Attachment on Dating and Relationships with Elliott Anderson, M.A. Ep. 165
I hear this question from women in my community all the time—“I have an anxious attachment style. Will I ever be able to be in a secure relationship?” To address this concern, psychotherapist Elliott Anderson and I take a deep dive into anxious attachment and how it impacts dating and relationships. Specifically, we discuss: Anxious attachment and our desire for intimacy. Trauma bonds and anxious attachment. When feeling anxiety in a relationship is a GOOD thing! How the hookup culture has impacted attachment. Masculine and feminine energy as they relate to attachment. Elliott shares insights from his 30 years of working with clients and couples. Join us to gain a greater understanding of anxious attachment and how it may influence your dating patterns and relationship dynamics. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
53:24
October 20, 2021
Take These Tangible Steps to Feel Worthy of Love! with Anita Stoudmire, MA, LPC Ep. 164
So often when we discuss self-worth and self-esteem, we speak in vague terms about “loving ourselves” first. And sure, we know it starts with us. But what specifically can we DO? What tangible steps can we take to begin to feel worthy of love—especially if we’ve never felt this before? Anita Stoudmire of Better Love Movement joins me to share practical strategies for building into ourselves first which, in turn, positions us for attracting a healthy, happy relationship. We delve into: What to focus on when you’re first getting to know someone. The relationships between authenticity and codependency. How to believe we’re okay—just the way we are. The difference between being wanted vs. needed in relationships. Reparenting—what it is and why many of us need it. The importance of clarifying what doesn’t work for us and sticking to these standards. The danger of rushing into a relationship and the real reasons behind why people do it. Ways to stop losing yourself in relationships. Dr. Phil says, “We teach people how to treat us.” Once we fully embrace and believe in our worth, we’ll teach everyone around us—including romantic partners—to treat us with courtesy and respect. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook  Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
29:09
October 15, 2021
How to Feel Worthy of Love: Even if You’ve Never Felt This Before with Leisse Wilcox Ep. 163
If you’ve ever struggled to believe you deserve love, you’re not alone. Many of us grew up in emotionally toxic or traumatic home environments. It’s hard to cultivate self-love and acceptance when no one has ever built us up, believed in us, and cherished us. Author and mindset coach, Leisse Wilcox, wrote the book (literally!) on how to love ourselves—To Call Myself Beloved a Story of Hope, Healing, and Coming Home. She joins me to discuss both the strategies she shares with her clients and her personal journey to self-love. Specifically, we touch on: How to unlearn the stories we’ve told ourselves—many of which are lies. Messages we’ve internalized and the meaning we ascribe to these messages. The story Leisse believed about herself for so many years—I’m the type of person who’s at the end of the table begging for scraps of love. The question that changes everything—are your relationships reinforcing the lies you’ve been told about your worth? The reality that worthiness is the point of self love; the point isn’t to love ourselves hoping to get love. How to know if you need to confront your own reality and how to do so. Leisse learned to call herself beloved and you can, too! Citation: Jerobek, I. (2018, July 8). “I don’t deserve love” Study reveals the destructive impact of a lack of self-worth. Cision PRWeb. https://www.prweb.com/releases/2018/07/prweb15610907.htm Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
27:19
October 13, 2021
Getting the Love You Want—It’s All About Values! with Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson: Worthy in Love Pod Tour Ep. 162
This week Love & Life partners with Veronica Grant’s “How to Actually Feel Worthy in Love” Podcast Tour! We’re one of 12 podcasts invited to delve into what it truly takes to date from a place of authenticity and confidence so as to build a healthy, happy relationship. But, how can we do so if we don’t fundamentally believe we deserve love? Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson joins me to share a critical strategy he implements with clients and couples—values clarification. As we identify what matters to us and commit to behaving in alignment with our principles, we fortify our identity and confirm our inherent self-worth. For many clients, internalizing this foundation of self-respect provides the first step toward believing love is available to them and, most importantly, that they absolutely deserve it! We’re honored to participate in the tour, between Sandy Weiner of Last First Date Radio and Madeline Charles of The Irresistible Woman podcast. If you’d like to hear all the episodes in the tour and follow along, you can register for free at veronicagrant.com/podtour. Citation: Jerobek, I. (2018, July 8). “I don’t deserve love” Study reveals the destructive impact of a lack of self-worth. Cision PRWeb. https://www.prweb.com/releases/2018/07/prweb15610907.htm Worthy of Love Pod Tour To follow along with the tour please go to: veronicagrant.com/podtour  Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
32:31
October 06, 2021
Dating with Confidence at ANY Size! with Veronica Grant Ep. 161
If you’ve ever said, “I really want to date, but I can’t get back out there until I feel confident with my body,” you’re not alone. Most women have wrestled with body image at some point—or at MANY points—in their lives. Veronica Grant understands this struggle and provides powerful strategies for finding where “healthy meets happy” regarding our physique, nutrition, and romance. Join us as we explore themes surrounding: Healthy eating that comes from an unhealthy place! The rigidity inherent to food restriction—even in efforts to eat more nutritiously! The connection between body, intuition, and love life. How obsessing about our size may cause us to miss red flags when getting to know someone! Getting physical quickly which actually keeps us emotionally unavailable. How our efforts to control our diet and exercise spill over to trying to control our partner. Our relationship to food and how it mirrors our relationships with others in our life. Veronica shares her journey from obsessive calorie counter, to strict vegan, to finding freedom and enjoying sushi again! Join us to learn how to truly love your body, feel comfortable in your own skin, and step into dating with confidence—at any size! Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes Veronica Grant Emotional Availability Assessment: https://veronicagrant.com/  Love Life Connection Podcast: https://veronicagrant.com/podcast/
42:41
September 29, 2021
Top 5 Things Singles Hate to Hear: Best of Singles Episodes with Debbie Rice & Leslie Kaz Ep. 160
If you’re single, your love life (or lack thereof) is fair game. Friends, family members, and even random strangers provide “solutions” to your “problem.” Or, they interrogate you, determined to uncover the hidden reason you aren’t coupled up—even if you’re perfectly content sans partner!  In this Love & Life bonus episode, Debbi Rice of Single and Amazing, Leslie Kaz of Single Girl Bliss, and I discuss the top 5 asinine comments single women hear. Join us for some single girl commiserating and lots of laughs! We’re here for you! Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
01:05:24
September 24, 2021
Otherhood: Best of Singles Episodes with Melanie Notkin Ep. 159
What happens when you always wanted to be a wife and mother, but you haven’t met your person? Well, if you’re author Melanie Notkin, you start a fabulous brand called, Savvy Auntie! Melanie joins us for a vulnerable and candid discussion about how to embrace and thrive in a life we wouldn’t have scripted. We center the conversation around her poignant and powerful book, Otherhood. Specifically, we delve into: How women of The Otherhood manage their ongoing and currently unmet desire for marriage and family. The question almost every woman of The Otherhood has asked herself, “Should I settle for a ‘good enough’ guy in order to have children?” How to handle invasive and insensitive questions/comments about your life e.g. “You must have focused too much on your career!” or “Didn’t you want kids???” The prevailing, yet inaccurate, assumption that women of The Otherhood delayed marriage and child bearing. Grieving the loss of the life we’d expected, while embracing the joys of the life we have! Despite the fact our lives haven’t played out as planned, we women of The Otherhood, can be assured our nurturing and influence make a profound, positive impact on the children we didn’t create, yet choose to love. Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
01:00:31
September 23, 2021
Single? You DON’T Need to “Fixed”: Best of Singles Episodes with Shani Silver Ep. 158
It’s National Unmarried and Single Americans Week!  To kick it off, I’ve invited Shani Silver, host of A Single Serving podcast, to share how she moved from complaining about dating to championing the single life!  According to Shani, “I came out of a hole and I know the way out of the hole. I want to tell other people that it’s possible.”  Here are a few more gems of wisdom from my conversation with Shani: “Enjoying a single life—not as a consolation, but as ‘on par’ with life in partnership—is entirely possible. I know this because I’m living it.” “It is 100% possible to love your single life and want a relationship at the same  time. Both of those things can coexist.” “I decided that what was meant for me was going to connect with me. And it was not going to be because I was fighting to find it. Because I had fought to find it for a decade and I didn’t. So that method didn’t serve me.  Maybe just relaxing and letting go and living life will connect me with who I’m meant to be with anyway.” Join us for a celebration of empowered single living! Shani Silver Website: shanisilver.com Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
59:49
September 22, 2021
Single Girl Bliss: Best of the Singles Episodes with Leslie Kaz Ep. 157
After 21 years of dating, serial monogamy, breakups, and periods of feeling miserably alone, Leslie Kaz was over it! Tired of what she calls “The Endless Search” for a man, Leslie decided to take a 6 month break from dating. During those 6 months, Leslie completely redefined herself and her life—so much so, that she abandoned “The Endless Search” and stepped into a brand new way of living! She shares her philosophy in her book, Single Girl Bliss: How to Stop Feeling Alone and Start Feeling Alive. In our conversation, Leslie and I talk about: · The lies we tell ourselves that make us miserable—and how to tackle them! · What it means to be alone—and how to manage it emotionally. · How to choose a partner (should you decide to choose one) from a position of strength! · What saved her in her darkest hour (I promise, you’ll never guess what it was!) · The power of how we present ourselves—and our single life—to others. · How to create new, empowering—and TRUE—beliefs about being single. When I came across Leslie’s work and read her book, I knew she was Love & Life material! Join us to hear how Leslie lives blissfully single, and learn how you can, too! Leslie’s Website: www.lesliekaz.com/ Leslie’s Book: www.amazon.com/dp/1734277807/ref…46&s=books&sr=1-1 Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
54:34
September 21, 2021
Still Single? It’s NOT Your Fault! Ep. 156
It’s National Unmarried and Single Americans Week and to celebrate, I’m sharing the first chapter of my book, Single is the New Black:  Don’t Wear White ‘til it’s Right! One of the main myths singles hear is that they’re somehow fundamentally flawed and that’s why they haven’t met their person—if they’d just “fix themselves” already, true love would finally come their way. Yeah, right. I take issue with this bogus assumption and much more in my book and I share the first chapter with you here as a way to kick off a week devoted to singles. Let’s thrive during our single season! My book is here to help! Stay tuned throughout the week for more bonus episodes and giveaways! Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
24:51
September 20, 2021
When You’re Not a Mother, But Wanted to Be: World Childless Week with Jody Day of Gateway Women Ep. 155
Women without children walk the road less traveled—and for the vast majority of them, this path was not of their choosing. In fact, of the women who reach midlife without children, only 10% planned to be  “child free”, while 10% are childless due to infertility, and a full 80% are childless not by choice but rather, due to circumstances. Jody Day of Gateway Women shares her personal journey and discusses the many layers of disenfranchised grief surrounding childlessness. Specifically, we cover: ·        Second wave feminism and the unintended consequence of circumstantial childlessness. ·        The emotional, physical, and financial complexities of IVF—the real stats. ·        Jody’s thoughts on how to respond to the, “Oh, you would have made such a great mom!” comments. ·        When the term “biological clock” first appeared in the discourse. ·        The pain of “not being chosen” for partnership along with the “not being chosen” to be someone’s mother. ·        Grieving the loss of the “identity” of mother. ·        How to “reclaim our worthiness” and find our place as women without children. ·        The fetishism of motherhood. ·        Societal and policy concerns surrounding childless women. The pain is real, but it’s a disenfranchised sorrow—how do you grieve the loss of something you never had? Join us for an empathic, supportive conversation and be sure to participate in World Childless Week’s virtual summit September 13 – 19, 2021. Click here to get a free chapter from Jody's book - Living the Life Unexpected: How to Find Hope, Meaning and a Fulfilling Future Without Children More info on Jody's book here: http://www.gateway-women.com/book  Sponsor: Millionaire Match MillionaireMatch is an exclusive, award-winning dating site for elite singles looking for serious relationships & marriages! Download the free app here: https://app.appsflyer.com/id1484587490?pid=af3236943 Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
49:14
September 08, 2021
Can We Still Be Friends? Moving Through Heartbreak Ep. 154
In this Love & Life Q&A episode, I answer the following questions: 1. “Jessica” really wants to remain friends with her ex. This breakup is even harder than most because they trauma bonded throughout 2020 when she turned 40 and also lost her father. Is it possible they could actually remain friends? 2. “Danielle” hasn’t spoken to her ex for over a year but she still thinks about him. She knows she needs to move on but like most of us, she absolutely HATES dating apps. Is there anything she can do? I share therapeutic strategies for how to get over heartbreak by moving through and moving on. Dr. Karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes -------------------------------------------------------- Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
17:12
September 01, 2021
“No Pressure” Besties: My BFF and I Share How it’s Done! Ep. 153
“We’ll be besties forever!” “No matter what happens, we’ll stay close.” “You’re my BFF and nothing will change that!” We said it. We meant it. But life happens, and it gets in the way of even the closest friendship. And sometimes it hurts—a lot. But we CAN remain close—as we talked about in last week’s episode—by examining our expectations. My BFF, Miriam Conner, joins me to share her philosophy on friendship—the “No Pressure” friendship. Specifically, we delve into: How to maintain strong friendships while also adjusting our expectations as our priorities shift. What developmental psych research on preschoolers and empathy can teach us about adult friendships! Three options for how to respond when a friend disappoints us. Personal stories of when we both found ourselves needing to cut friends out of our lives. How to handle it when a friend cancels plans at the last minute. What to do when a friend changes dramatically. How to politely disengage from a friend who has unreasonable expectations. The parallels between dating/marriage and lifelong friendships. Why some women LOVE drama in their friendships. Join us to learn how to cultivate “no pressure friendships” with your besties!  Dr. Karin  Single is the New Black - Audiobook  Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible  iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes  --------------------------------------------------------  Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/  Instagram: @dr.karin
54:06
August 19, 2021
3 Hacks to Improve Every Relationship in Your Life! Ep. 152
When asked what we treasure most, people readily respond with one word—relationships. Our friends, family, and romantic partners enrich our lives in myriad ways, providing encouragement, support, affection, and joy. Except when they don’t. When our relationships are in crisis, our life is in crisis and when they’re thriving, we thrive. As Tony Robbins puts it, “The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.” So, why is it such a struggle to maintain healthy and fulfilling intimacy in our lives? Great question! And, today’s episode provides answers! Join me to learn three research-based hacks to improve EVERY relationship in your life—your connection to friends, family, and significant others! Citations: Hawkley, L.C., Thisted, R.A., Masi, C.M., & Cacioppo, J.T. (2010). Loneliness predicts increased blood pressure:  5-year cross-lagged analyses in middle-aged and older adults. Psychology and Aging, 25(1), 132-141. Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T., & Layton, B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk:  A meta-analytic review. J.PLoS Med 7 (7). Kroenke, C., Quesenberry, C., Kwan, M., Sweeney, C., Castillo, A., & Caan, B. (2013). Social networks, social support, and burden in relationships, and mortality after breast cancer diagnosis in the Life After Breast Cancer Epidemiology (LACE) Study. Breast Cancer Research and Treatment, 137(1), 261-271. Luhmann, M., Hofmann, M., Eid, W., & Lucas, R. (2012). Subjective well-being and adaptation to life events:  A meta-analysis. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, 102(3), 592-615. Dr. Karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes -------------------------------------------------------- Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
28:10
August 11, 2021
The Science of Flirting, Dating Fatigue, Vulnerability, and Other Dilemmas! Ep. 151
It’s time for another Love & Life Q&A episode! We have three questions to tackle today. 1. One listener wants to know how to ask a guy out. She lives in Ireland and finds Irish men are often hesitant to take the lead. Can she ask him out while still dating empowered? 2. A second listener struggles to find the motivation to date after a year of lockdowns and Covid malaise. But she’s in her late 30s and worries about her biological clock. Why is it such a struggle? What can she do to motivate herself? 3. A third listener wonders how to let guys know she’s interested—she’s been told she’s too closed off and appears aloof in the early stages of dating. So in her last relationship, she tried to be open, honest, and vulnerable, but she got ghosted anyway! She now regrets it because looking back she felt much “schmoopier” with this guy—which wasn’t comfortable for her. How can she express interest while still dating empowered? Join us for a deep dive into these common—and frustrating—dating dilemmas! Citations: https://www.bbc.co.uk/science/hottopics/love/flirting.shtml https://maclynninternational.us/blog/the-science-of-flirting/ Dr. Karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes -------------------------------------------------------- Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
30:41
August 04, 2021
What Men (and Women!) Want in a Partner—Science Tells All! Ep. 150
Sometimes, if we’ve been single for a while—or longer than a while—we begin to doubt ourselves. We wonder why love seems so hard to find. Are we doing something wrong? Is there a particular quality we’re missing? What are men looking for anyway? Well, here’s the good news. You have exactly what your person is looking for! I promise. And, it’s not just my opinion, it’s what science says! Psychologist David Buss studied men and women in 37 different cultures/countries and found that both sexes desire the same four qualities in their spouses. Join me for an empowering and confidence boosting episode—you have everything you need to attract your person to you! References: Buss, D. (1989). Sex differences in human mate preferences:  Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 12, 1-14. Welch, D. (2015). Love factually:  10 proven steps from I wish to I do. Love Science Media. Sponsor: Therappy App Download the app here: https://therappy.onelink.me/mNmu/92326bf9 Dr. Karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes -------------------------------------------------------- Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
20:28
July 28, 2021
Are Your Beliefs Blocking Your Path to Love? With Melanie Hersch Ep. 149
On Love & Life we talk about beliefs all the time—because they’re incredibly powerful and they impact every area of our lives—especially our love life. What we believe about ourselves and what we believe we have to offer a partner sets the tone we bring to our dating efforts and experiences. And sometimes, we hold beliefs that assert influence over us, but we don’t even know we hold these beliefs! On today’s episode, psychotherapist turned dating coach, Melanie Hersch, and I explore how we can harness our beliefs and level up our mindset for empowered dating! Join us to learn how to: reprogram limiting beliefs about our self-worth. identify the stories we tell ourselves—which may, in fact, be lies! be vulnerable without providing too much information too soon! recognize when we’re triggered so as not to blame and shame our partner. establish boundaries early on when dating—boundaries which establish precedents for how you desire to be treated throughout the relationship. Incorporating her psychotherapist background into her coaching philosophy, Melanie brings clarity and expertise to our podcast conversation and her approach to dating and relationships! Sponsor: Therappy App Download the app here: https://therappy.onelink.me/mNmu/92326bf9 Melanie Hersch Website: https://therefinedwoman.com/ Instagram: @therefinedwoman Dr. Karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes -------------------------------------------------------- Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
53:23
July 21, 2021
Sexless in the City with Kat Harris Ep. 148
Sexless in the city? Isn’t that a contradiction in terms? In our hyper-sexualized culture, it appears everyone is hooking up without concern—giving no thought whatsoever to the impact casual encounters have on our soul and psyche. But this perception may not be the reality—it certainly isn’t for blogger and author Kat Harris. Kat has thought deeply about sex—its place in her life as a Christian, single woman and its role in society in general. Kat talks about her new book, Sexless in the City: A Sometimes Sassy, Sometimes Painful, Always Honest Look at Dating, Desire, and Sex. Specifically, we delve into: The vastly different expectations we have of men and women when it comes to managing our sex drive. The trending and controversial topic of “modest is hottest.” How casual sex “flattens” our humanity. The “friend zone” and what we sometimes do to get ourselves stuck there. Daddy issues and attraction to unavailable men. Join us for—as the book’s title promises—a sometimes sassy, sometimes painful, and always honest look at dating, desire, and sex. Sponsor:  Millionaire Match  Download the free app here: https://app.appsflyer.com/id1484587490?pid=af3236943  Kat Harris Website: https://therefinedwoman.com/  Instagram: @therefinedwoman Dr. Karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes -------------------------------------------------------- Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
01:01:60
July 07, 2021
Empowered Dating Mindset: The Instagram Reels! Ep. 147
I’ve rolled out a few reels over the last couple months talking about cultivating an empowered mindset for empowered dating! But unfortunately, for some of you watching overseas, the audio won’t play when music is placed behind the vocal track (perhaps it’s a licensing issue in some countries?) When I learned some of you weren’t able to hear the audio, I figured the best way to work around this problem would be to share the reels via a podcast episode. So, here it is! Let me know your favorite reels and if you have any topics you’d like me to address—via reels or in a Love Smarter, Not Harder IGTV—please head over to my website to let me know how I can be of help! Sponsor: Millionaire Match Download the free app here: https://app.appsflyer.com/id1484587490?pid=af3236943 Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
13:27
July 02, 2021
On a Mission to Reunite Orphans with Their Parents: The Haiti Mama Story with Tausha Pearson Ep. 146
Tausha Pearson would tell you, “It all started with a ‘crazy’ single mom tax return…” “Crazy” meaning—she had a chunk of money she didn’t need. So, she took that tax return and spent it on a trip to Haiti. While touring Haitian orphanages with 11 social work interns, Tausha learned 80% of the orphans had families who desperately wanted them home but couldn’t afford to feed and educate them. In addition to this sad reality, she discovered rampant sexual abuse occurring in every orphanage they visited. Tausha couldn’t unsee this devastation; she took action by creating Haiti Mama—an organization devoted to providing parents with services and employment to help families remain intact. Tausha is a disrupter—she disrupted ineffective (and abusive!) child welfare practices and implemented support to reunite Haitian families! Join us to hear Tausha’s inspiring story and learn how you can be a part of the Haiti Mama mission! Tausha Pearson Website: http://www.haitimama.org/  Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes
56:03
June 24, 2021
Quit Worrying About Being Alone Forever—ch. 11 of Single is the New Black Ep. 145
Have you heard? You can now listen to my book, Single is the New Black:  Don’t Wear White ‘til it’s Right! It’s available on Audible and iTunes! To celebrate the release of the audio version, I wanted to provide a chapter as a podcast episode so you could get a feel for the book and what it’s all about. It’s essentially the book I wish had been available to me when I was still single and, as a matter of fact, I started writing it when I was still single. I was so tired of reading self-help books that made me feel worse about myself—books that tried to convince me I was doing something horribly wrong or I that I was fundamentally flawed and that’s why I was still single.  So, like I said, I wrote the book I couldn’t find but wanted to read! (I go into more depth and share the backstory of why I wrote the book in ep. 90 so if that interests you, please check out that episode.) I wasn’t sure which chapter to share and I considered chapter 3 because when I was single, people often told me I was too picky and my standards were too high. But then I thought, why don’t I ask YOU which chapter you’d like to hear? So, I posted a poll in my stories and I’m glad I did because the chapter that received the most votes was chapter 11—Quit Worrying About Being Alone Forever:  Fear is a Powerful thing. Everyone who’s been single longer than they’d hoped to be has encountered this fear. And many of us have made some soul crushing decisions because of it. I hope the chapter encourages you and provides you with some strategies for tackling loneliness and the fear that so often accompanies it. You asked for it, you got it!  Chapter 11: Quit Worrying About Being Alone Forever: Fear is a Powerful thing. Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
30:11
June 17, 2021
Why Are SO Many Men SO Passive in Relationships? with Elliott Anderson, M.A. Ep. 144
If you’ve dated a passive man or TRIED to date a passive man—because he never got around to asking you out—this episode is for you! As empowered women, we’ve been raised to take charge and take action, but does that work for us when dating? Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson is back to share his thoughts on male passivity—what it’s about and how to handle it! Elliott and I discuss: Why women who’ve experienced mother wounds may be more likely to be attracted to passive men. The definition of interdependence and how it’s VERY different from codependence. Why most women would rather know their man’s heart and disagree with his thoughts than not know him and feel alienated from him. What Elliott has learned after working with hundreds of men. Spoiler alert:  NONE of these passive men have been okay with their passivity. They’ve always loathed that part of their personality. Why letting a man choose you helps us stop choosing passive men. How to be a cheerleader for your man without running things and taking a leadership role. Why we need to reexamine our assumptions about anxious attachment style. The reality that a woman can’t make a man assertive. There’s hope for passive men and the women who love them. Join us for a deep dive into this intense and complex concern. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
56:03
June 09, 2021
Can Anything Good Come From a Bad Breakup? with Lisa Cleary Ep. 143
Lisa Cleary went through a bad breakup at age 31. In addition to grieving the demise of her relationship, she lost her job and ended up homeless. She slept on friends’ sofas for months. She felt defeated and demoralized—this was not where she expected to be at 31. And while her life unraveled, her friends’ lives seemed to play out perfectly. Lisa got knocked down hard, but through her pain and struggle, she developed grit and perspective. She shares her experience in her book, How to Survive a Breakup:  When All of Your Friends Are Birthing Their Second Child, and she joins us to discuss the question, “Can anything good come from a bad breakup?” Specifically she delves into: Toxic Milestones:  the tendency for women to berate themselves if they’re “missing the mark” How she felt the need to “prove her worth” with the perfect relationship and high-powered job The problem with being a Type A personality when dating Trying to make a relationship something it isn’t meant to be The beauty in honoring the “process”—as opposed to the relentless focus on the “outcome” Join us to consider the “good” we can glean from “bad” in various realms of love and life! Lisa Cleary Website: http://https://lisacleary.com/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
52:19
June 02, 2021
What if the “Sparks” are Due to a Trauma Bond or Anxious Attachment Style? Ep. 142
In this Love & Life Q&A episode, I answer 3 questions: 1. How can I tell if the attraction I feel for someone is healthy?  What if the “sparks” are a result of a trauma bond or anxious attachment style? 2. How can I address the topic of a pre-nup with my fiancé? He has a son and I’m currently taking care of us financially because he’s in school. I just want to be sure I’m taking care of my finances as we move forward. 3. Do women need to “signal” to other women that they’re in a relationship? I see many women “flexing” to let others know their man is “off limits.” I’m personally not into this. But, if I’m with a guy, will he want to see me posture in this manner to let to other women know he belongs to me? Join us to hear my thoughts on these questions! Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
27:52
May 26, 2021
Think Like a Girl! Harness the Power of Your Female Brain with Dr. Tracy Alloway Ep. 141
We say it every week on Love & Life, “Take charge of your thoughts! Take charge of your life!” And what better way to do so than by taking a deep dive into female brain chemistry! Thanks to Dr. Tracy Alloway’s new book, Think Like a Girl: 10 Unique Strengths of a Woman’s Brain and How to Make Them Work for You, we now have a comprehensive resource for harnessing our female brain and appreciating its superpowers! Join us to discuss: What you need to know about your female brain if you’re in leadership—or hope to be someday! How a bucket of ice can help with rational decision making! The ONE main quality to look for in potential romantic partners (it predicts successful, happy, lasting relationships!) How to be attracted to people who are GOOD for us! Attachment styles in dating—you’ll be surprised what you’ll learn about attachment and men! Oxytocin and bonding—what you need to know to cultivate and nurture your partnership/marriage! The research on how to remain madly in love! The differences between men and women when it comes to lying—spoiler alert:  we both lie, but we lie about different things! Dr. Alloway provides research based takeaways for how to level up in love and life by leveraging our innate cognitive processes and leaning into our “Think Like a Girl” power! Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
56:46
May 18, 2021
How to NOT Get Love Bombed: Slow Your Roll! Ep. 140
In last week’s episode Dan and I answered your questions—many of which surrounded the beginning of our relationship. We noted we started dating in late August and Dan asked me to be exclusive in early January—about 4 ½ months. Much to my surprise, I received a lot of feedback from you with comments like, “How did you wait so long?” “Wasn’t it hard knowing he was dating other people? I’d be so jealous!” “I have Anxious Attachment—I couldn’t handle a relationship being undefined for so long!” Obviously, I felt comfortable with the pace of our relationship but many of you (65% according to my Insta poll) felt differently. Your responses got me thinking—about my history of taking things slowly, the science substantiating this approach, and also, about how slowing our roll can serve as our best defense against love bombing! Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
33:12
May 11, 2021
How to Have a GREAT Relationship: Dan and I Tell All! Ep. 139
Recently, I posted a poll on Instagram asking if you had any questions or topics you wanted Dan and me to discuss on the program. You had a LOT to say and today we respond to you questions and concerns in an episode devoted to how to have a GREAT relationship. Specifically, we cover: What do men worry about when dating? What were Dan’s concerns? Do men really change for a woman if she’s The One? How dating in your late 30s/early 40s differs from dating earlier in life. How Dan and I met (for more on this, check out episode 46). How our relationship progressed—did we date other people while dating each other?  Did we know we were dating other people? Were we jealous about these other relationships? Why we decided to choose to be exclusive with each other (for more on this, check out episode 89). We received so many questions, we decided to make this a two-part series. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com Instagram: @dr.karin
27:27
May 04, 2021
Let’s Talk Therapy! with Eli Weinstein, LCSW Ep. 138
There’s still a bit of mystery—and sometimes, stigma—surrounding psychotherapy, so I’m starting an occasional series called, “Let’s Talk Therapy!”  In these episodes we’ll pull back the curtain and provide the inside scoop on what counseling is all about! Today, Eli Weinstein, LCSW, shares his professional and personal journey as a social worker and therapist. Join us as we discuss: The lingering stigma surrounding mental health. The “dream” of treating emotional health with the same frequency as our physical health. Why saying “I’m having a panic attack!” when you’re actually just nervous, is problematic for ourselves and others. The relationship between your health insurance provider and therapist. What therapists can do to see their clients more objectively. What YOU can do to be sure you pick the right counselor for you! We wrap up with Eli’s philosophy on dating, relationships, and marriage—some of our fav Love & Life topics! Eli Weinstein, LCSW Website: https://www.elivation.org/ Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
38:27
April 27, 2021
Thriving After Trauma! with Shari Botwin, LCSW Ep. 137
No one makes it through childhood unscathed—and for some, childhood consists of multiple traumatic events. We carry these wounds with us as we step into adulthood—at which point, we may hope to just survive. But can we actually THRIVE after trauma? Shari Botwin, LCSW, joins me to talk about her book, Thriving After Trauma:  Stories of Living and Healing. Shari discusses her own childhood trauma and the steps she took to move through pain and move toward wholeness and health. We talk specifically about the shame inherent to trauma, how to find an appropriate therapist to assist you in your journey, and ways to feel empowered despite years of feeling disempowered. Shari’s story and wisdom will inspire you to believe in the possibility of thriving after trauma! Shari Botwin, LCSW Website: http://www.sharibotwin.com/ Instagram: @warriorbotwin7 Warrior Women Speak Podcast: https://anchor.fm/shari-botwin  Book: http://www.rowman.com/ISBN/9781538125601/Thriving-After-Trauma-Stories-of-Living-and-Healing  Use discount code 20RLFANDF30 at checkout for 30% off%! Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
01:02:25
April 20, 2021
How to Choose Well When Picking a Partner! Anita Stoudmire, MA, LPC Ep. 136
Relationships don’t have to be so difficult—they can actually be fluid and even EASY! But they definitely can’t be easy if we pick unhealthy, toxic partners. And all too often, we’re completely unaware as to why we keep attracting—and being attracted to—dysfunctional people in the first place. For years, Anita Stoudmire chose men who were incapable of being the partner she desired. Eventually, she’d had enough disappointment and frustration. Anita began to unpack the dynamics causing her to choose poorly. She joins me to explain how she fixed her “picker” and finally learned to choose well! Anita Stoudmire, MA, LPC Website: http://www.betterlovemovement.com/ Instagram: @betterlovemovement Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
54:46
April 12, 2021
Why Core Values are the Secret to a Happy Relationship! Ep. 135
One question I often receive is, “I know ‘core values’ are important in relationships, but to be honest, I’m not sure I actually know what mine are.” In this episode, we discuss the definition of core values and how we can identify the ones that matter most to us. Furthermore, we explore how clarifying our core values not only allows us to better understand ourselves, but also prepares us to recognize our person! We wrap up the episode discussing the psych research surrounding core values and how our values set a foundation for successful, fulfilling relationships! Sources: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201807/39-core-values-and-how-live-them https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/relationship-values-every-couple-must-have/ Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
38:53
April 06, 2021
How Can I Ever Learn to Trust Again? And More of Your Questions! Ep. 134
It’s hard to trust when our heart has been broken multiple times. We get jaded and bitter. We build up a wall of protection. We worry we’ll never be able to trust anyone ever again. This week I answer 3 listeners’ questions. One listener asks exactly this: How can I trust again after being cheated on multiple times and spending 9 years in a toxic relationship? Another listener wonders if she should change her name now that she’s divorced. She’s concerned because she has 3 school aged children and although she’d like to step away from her ex’s name, she’s concerned about how her children might feel should their mom have a different last name. The final question is from a woman wondering how to respond to an ex’s new gf who insists on bad-mouthing her to their mutual friends. Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
22:24
March 29, 2021
Everything You Need to Know About Egg Freezing with Britt McHenry Ep. 133
One of the themes of Love & Life is Never Settle! But for women who refuse to settle in love, it might take a while to meet our person. Most of us are okay waiting for the right one, but it’s our biological clock that puts the pressure on us. The realities of our fertility can’t be ignored—we can’t procreate forever. But over the last several years, egg freezing has moved from an experimental procedure to one that’s mainstream and quite common. Many of you have reached out asking if I’d cover egg freezing on the podcast. So, when I saw Britt McHenry’s Instagram story about freezing her eggs, I reached out to see if she’d share her egg freezing journey with the Love & Life community. Join us to learn all you need to know about freezing your eggs from one who’s been there, done that and is SO glad she did. Britt McHenry is a Fox News contributor. She was one of the main hosts to launch Fox’s streaming service Fox Nation, specifically designed for Millennials across the country. She’s a political host and contributor to WTTG/Fox 5 in Washington D.C. Britt appears on two primetime shows including the hit program, “Like It or Not,” alongside former ESPN colleague Bram Weinstein and WPGC-FM News Director Guy Lambert.  Britt worked at ESPN for four years as a reporter, host, and writer focusing primarily on the NFL and MLB. She began her career as a sports anchor at WJLA-TV/ABC-7 in Washington DC, where she worked for 6 years. McHenry is a graduate from Northwestern University’s Medill School of Journalism. Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
50:36
March 22, 2021
Childless Not By Choice Ep. 132
Most of us assumed we’d eventually be mothers. And, many of us deeply desired this—we dreamed about it, we planned for it, we read parenting books preparing ourselves for this most important role. But sometimes, life doesn’t play out as we’d hoped and we end up childless not by choice. Katy Seppi of Chasing Creation joins me to talk about how we can move through this profound loss—the loss of something we never had. Katy discusses the concerns childless women face—the alienation from other women who are mothers, the disenfranchised grief, and how we can reimagine and embrace a life that looks nothing like the life we expected. She also shares details about her upcoming virtual conference—The Childless Collective Summit! Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
57:01
March 16, 2021
When You’re a Strong Independent Woman, but You Still Want a Man! Ep. 131
I LOVE hearing from you and I know listeners LOVE hearing from each other! So a few months ago, I reached out to you via my newsletter to see if anyone wanted to tell her story. I was so happy Kate Griffith agreed to share the struggles she faced during her single years—but also, and more importantly, why she’s actually glad for her single years and the growth she experienced while navigating life solo! Kate talks about all she did to embrace her single season—how she made reservations for one, saw movies by herself, and even traveled alone. By pushing and challenging herself in these realms, Kate became stronger individually, gained confidence, and learned to be at home with herself—and by herself. We wrap up the conversation focusing on the benefits of adulting on our own—benefits that pay off in spades once we’re in partnership. Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
01:01:00
March 09, 2021
Bad Childhood, Great Life! with Brunnie Getchell, LMHC Ep. 130
Brunnie’s childhood was rough. Her family struggled with addiction, abandonment, abuse, poverty, and more. As a result, she created a protective shell around her which left her “emotionally frozen” and withdrawn. In college, she sought out counseling—she knew she needed help. Her therapist empathized with her, validating the adversity she’d endured. Then he said two words that changed her life forever, “Now what?” Through the power of REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy), Brunnie learned she didn’t have to always be sad. She had a choice in the matter! She could take charge of her thoughts to take charge of her life—which she did! Join us to hear how Brunnie moved from a bad childhood to a great life via REBT! Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
45:40
March 02, 2021
3 Biggest Lies Single Women Hear! with Laura Behnke Ep. 129
In part 2 of my recent Insta live with Laura Behnke, we break down three ridiculous lies single women hear ALL the time! Unfortunately, we heard them, too, and in this episode we share how we pushed back against them! We then answer questions we received from those watching the live: 1. Do we miss anything about being single? 2. How can I tell the difference between a dealbreaker vs. typical ups and downs of relationships? 3. If I haven’t had a legit relationship, should I tell someone I’m just starting to date? 4. How can I fall into my feminine energy? 5. I’m scared of getting hurt—once again! What can I do? 6. I’m a perfectionist. Do I hold my bfs to unreasonable standards? 7. My mother recently passed away and I was her caretaker. I’m not sure what to do with myself now… Laura and I have #beentherefeltthat and we’re here to provide the support we wish we’d had when we were single for much longer than we’d expected. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
42:17
February 22, 2021
How to Live Life on YOUR Terms with Laura Behnke Ep. 128
Last week I did an Instagram live with Laura Behnke of Life Actually. Laura and I align on so many levels—she also found love later than she’d hoped to and therefore dealt with “single shaming” along the way. Laura’s been there, felt that and learned to embrace her life actually! Join us for a lively conversation discussing: How to increase your self worth (spoiler alert:  science says there’s only ONE way!) Managing the fear of, “What if I never find my person?” How to use “psychological flexibility” to embrace your life actually and live life on YOUR terms! (“psychological flexibility” comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy—see episode 65 with Dr. Steven C. Hayes, creator of ACT) How to fall in love with being by yourself. The myth of being “too independent” to find love and why your independence makes you BETTER prepared for partnership! How being with a partner because you WANT each other—as opposed to NEED each other—protects us from infidelity. How to move from operating from a place of fear to empowered decision making! Laura and I had so much to talk about, I decided to break up our convo into two parts.  Enjoy part one, and sit tight for part two which we’ll roll out later this week. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com Instagram: @dr.karin
45:16
February 15, 2021
Is Your Mother Wound Impacting Your Relationships? with Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson Ep. 127
Many of you resonated with our recent conversation on the father wound (ep. 125) and asked if we’d speak to the mother wound, too. So, psychotherapist and pastor Elliott Anderson is back to discuss how mother wounds affect our dating and relationships. Join us to learn: How the mother wound differs from the father wound. Common mother wounds children experience. Enmeshment with mothers and how this impacts our ability to form healthy romantic attachments. Recognizing when we’re “using” a romantic connection to “escape” dynamics from our family of origin. Dating a man with a mother wound. In recognizing our mother wounded, we’re able to bring it to the surface, process it, and move through it—toward emotional relief, intrapersonal wholeness, and relational wellness. Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin
44:05
February 09, 2021