Love via HaShem

Zara and I had the pleasure of sitting down with Berthe and Maturin for an exclusive interview regarding marriage, and marriage with children. They gave very unique insights, and we're quite fortunate to have been able to learn from them. 

Enjoy! 

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Get Real, Get Married is written by Aleeza Ben Shalom, and we highly recommend it.

Keep an open mind. 

Get Real, Get Married is written by Aleeza Ben Shalom, and we highly recommend it.

One of the important aspects to takeaway is knowing yourself, and just how important that is.  

Welcome to Season 2 of Love via HaShem!

In this episode, we’re talking about the tools below, and how they can help strengthen your relationship.

1. Slack
   
2. Google Keep
   
3. Google Drive
   
4. Google Photos
   
5. Alexa (Amazon Echo)
   

Keep in mind that tools are only as good as how you use them. Also, how the marriage is in other areas might be more important - consider taking care of them first. All in all, where you focus your attention in your relationship is up to you. Hard work and learning is a part of the mix in the journey for nuptial success.

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This piece is called Sweet Evening, and it's performed by yours truly ;D 

I decided to hop back on the guzheng after some time away, and I felt the desire to share some of this love with you... hoping that you enjoy! 

---- Sending you sunshine and love! (^_^* ----- 

(scroll to the bottom to find some general wiki information about the guzheng) 

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Welcome to Season 2 of Love via HaShem! This is the first episode of this season - S02E01 .

I'm happily joined by my awesome wife Zara, and together we're hoping to bring you more content to boost your knowledge and understanding vis-a-vis love and relationships!

So, what’s this 100/100 business about? Well, over the years, we’ve heard and seen quite a few examples where couples would go for a state of equality - known as 50/50. This episode explains why that is difficult, and mostly not the way to go for relationships, even though it sounds like a very fair option. To oversimplify - 50/50 starts to become troublesome for a couple to maintain because it assumes perfect conditions where each person has the ability, time, or other resources in place to make their part of the deal work. You can see where this can be headed -- to a state of inflexibility.

I handle the counter - you clean the floor. So, what happens if the baby is crying and you can’t do the floor in a timely manner? Well, under the 50/50 idea - that work just doesn’t get done … and it bottlenecks in the undone pile until you do the “responsible thing” and clean the floor like you’re “supposed to.” Can you see where this starts feeling unloving and cold? Quite unromantic if you ask me ;D So, what’s the answer? If you left to help the kid … I say “no worries” --  I’ll take care of your part too. Here we have it - flexible - loving - kind - and an idea that works! That is 100/100.

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Welcome to Love via HaShem. This lesson is about Mashpia.

After finding someone, write down your list:

• How do you feel around people? (determining chemistry)
• Ask about relationship with each parents
• Who is their Mashpia?
• What do you want out of life?
• What is something that their mother/father does which they like?
• What is something that your own mother/father do which you like and want to emulate in some way?
  

It’s best to look introspectively at yourself, lest we get too interogative with the other person. Understanding ourselves can be just as important.

Seeing life as a race, makes a position of stale complacency of where you are, an impossibility! You cannot simply lie down in laziness, when you understand that this life is race, and the runners of this race, if they are temperate in all things, will succeed. Temperate is another way of saying ☯ balanced (think Yin and Yang). Don’t eat too much, don’t eat too little, be aware of how much you spend watching this, doing that, drinking here, and talking over there. The balance has to be just right. Talk to HaShem about clarity, and understand yourself and those matters/skills/things which you want to master. Success and mastery often doesn’t come all at once, so steady and mindfully face yourself, and what’s around you. And looking inwardly, if you’re disciplined, you’ll follow whatever it is that you’re preaching, staying authentic, and keeping the course.  

[LVH 48, Torah 24, 1 Cor 9 Part 5] {E048 - Run the Right Race; Stay the Course 👟}

Have a list. Ask yourself some questions. Get to know yourself. What are you looking for? Understand enough to be able to recognize your spouse. Are you comfortable with that person when you do meet them? 

Ask them about their father (if they’re male). Ask about their mother (if female). The relationship with their parents could be telling of their personality and how they will be in their relationship with you. Are they preoccupied with that emotion against their parent? That may translate into that person not YET having the emotional resources to be a spouse. They have unresolved feelings which are hampering and they should get that figured out first. 

Are there any hot buttons? -- Do they get suddenly angry at the thought of their father?

Do you get the feeling that they just want to escape?  -- get married just to get away from it all?

If so, watch out.     

Usually if the daughter has an issue with her Mom, it usually changes once the daughter has children. 

Does this person talk good about their parents -- Awesome… that’s a GREAT sign! 

Don’t make excuses in order to stay with a person -- be fully aware and pay attention to all sides of your conscious. Mindfully consider all these things. Don’t marry out of Rachmones! 

Rachmones = compassion/pity/mercy/empathy --- in our instance it refers to pity.  

LVH 47 Ahava 24 DatingF6

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Ying Yang Question -  How can you be Free AND a servant!? 

OK ... so we have freedom to do; and yet we are bound? 

      {Check out 1 Cor. Chap 9}

It’s like this. We are free to love others as we have the mitzvah to do so, and we can take certain liberties to love others (e.g. showing love with words, actions, kindness, and good works) . The caveat is that we should don’t compromise ourselves. You’re free to do things, but not to the point that it hurts your relationship with Gd. It’s better to refrain if you think that it will harm the relations between you and HaShem. For example, if you know that you personally couldn’t care less about going to the Western Wall to daven (pray), and you’re feeling totally indifferent to that action, you’re certainly free not to go, but at the same time, you should feel deeply the mitzvah to love others and be in with them. The Aibishter (the most High) really likes it when you make an effort to connect, level with, and love others even if you don’t really feel like it. That’s how there’s this ying yang balance. In a good relationship, we don’t have to do everything that we like and because we feel like it. We just should be doing it - and all of the other positive features of having done it will arrive to you, and you’ll be feeling those after-effects. And, if not, do what’s good anyway.    

So, gain closeness with others. It’s ok to be flexible to show love to others. It doesn’t affect your authenticity. Imagine that you’re an atheist, and you really don’t like this whole Gd stuff, but you still want to be loving. Well ... feel free to go into Shuls, Churches, and Mosques and the like, to love on other people, understand them, and grow to care.  Our Gd has a big heart, and by obtaining this yin yang “being a servant and being free” balance, you’ll gain one too.  

Connecting with others is to love them. Give to them. Speak to people on their level. 

Don’t break yourself or your relationship with HaShem, but feel free to be flexible to show that you care to other people. 

LVH 46, Torah 23, 1 Cor 9 Part 4

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If you are meeting, you may know some things already. Know at least the basics of what you want. Usually dating sites can help with this, but they might not provide everything you’re looking for in terms of information. If you can get a picture of the person in the context of what you’re looking for before meeting up …. without being too unnatural in conversation …. then go for it. Having someone (like a shadchan/matchmaker  or a genuine friend) makes getting intellectual questions like “how many kids” easier because they can ask in a more formal way and it feels like a screening which is an honest approach when what you're doing is actually, openly, and honestly screening. Don’t feel bad to perform screening by these means, keeping it natural and polite, because what you’re looking for is YOUR HUSBAND / YOUR WIFE / YOUR BESHERT!

So why meet? To find out if you’re comfortable around this person. ALSO, to ask any of these intellectual questions which are perhaps too personal to ask online and without full context. 

Questions like 

“Do you want kids? How many kids do you wish to have?” 

-- should not be coming up 2 months later because what you’re aiming for is clarity. 

Make a list of everything that you value. Include points within the physical, emotional, and especially intellectual categories. 

Finally, how do you feel? The first moment may have a bit of unease, but it shouldn’t be long lasting at all, and in fact - that person should make you comfortable with who you are.  Be mindful during the meeting to notice how you feel, and how the other person interacts with you and those around them. “Are they gentle, kind, funny, lively etc…?”

Afterwards, go introspective and ask yourself, how did the other person make you feel? Write it down, keep it so that you can make decisions off of it. Remember, you’re looking for the one who will be the closest to you, forever -- so, all of it matters.  

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LVH 45 Ahava 23 DatingF5

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Money Money Money is a famous song which Abba sang some time ago. It’s reflective of the sad situation that many organizations are in. Rabbi Paul noticed the horrible imbalance of how money is handled and asked for. There was fiscal abuse, and he was addressing it of the freedom to ask for money.

Indulgences was practice that was akin to stealing money under the pretense that it was giving salvation to those souls who had passed away. This is very similar to how things are these days with preachers saying “Come give money, plant the “seed” … and get your blessing.” Practices like that affect us all, and we have to be careful to protect each other when it comes to cheats and frauds who are in it for themselves, the lavish life, money, and all else aside from HaShem’s purposes which greatly involves being OTHERS focused. A great example of the proper way to treat money is the organization - Ephrata Ministries (of Pennsylvania) 

  Asking for money is OK. Don’t muzzle an ox while it’s treading the grain. The ox is doing a work, let it take in some of that sustenance.  We have the right to ask for money for our services, even if they’re spiritual. You can consume part of the offering, and that’s your right. 

  There’s tons of tv-evangelists and other folks who just after the money. They make it their biggest thing. Jets, fancy cars, and big houses quickly become their trademark. And, although asking for $ is allowable, these people, while doing a spiritual service,  take it too far. They seek all these rich-type items to show off their wealth and to feel big. Rather than spending it lavishly, it’s far greater to put it back into the mechanism that directly affects the people being served, and reserving some to modestly sustain and improve your life.  

Rabbi Mike Stern is the perfect example of this. He used whatever he got from donations to upgrade his work for us, while still modestly sustaining his family and  improving himself.

(I mention my dear Rabbi … and, after this episode was made, he has since passed on. RIP) 

LVH 42, Torah 21, 1 Cor 9 Part 2

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There's plenty of ways people talk about for winning in the "game" of finding your beshert (the one aka soulmate). To put it simply, after consistently using the tools of the web (for example: Coffee Meets Bagel) you need to KNOW yourself. Looking inwardly, the introspective intelligence, puts you on the path of self-understanding. What are your values? With whom do you get along with? What future do you dream of? Do you see kids? (intellectual category)  Do you see a partner who goes snowboarding with you? Or, maybe you just want a chill-on-the-couch partner? (emotional category)  

PIE - Physical, Intellectual, and Emotional. 

-- Physical is the easiest, but can be the most superficial (gotta have someone with strong arms right?) 

-- Emotional, medium in difficulty, and you may not want to compromise. (like a partner who likes to surf like you do :) 

-- Intellectual, hardest to determine, and you definitely don't want to compromise. (like whether you want to have kids together) 

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Ever heard the old adage “Honesty is the best policy.”? In relationships, this can definitely prove to be hogwash that can ruin your day, and the day of the other person. Strive for foresight and wisdom in your relationships (romantic or otherwise). Yes, you could say a truth, but is that truth guarded by love. Is it considerate? Is this the right time? 

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Let’s say that you see a co-worker who is tired. Do you say, “Wow you look terrible, and like you haven’t slept!”? …   Despite whatever truth those statements might have, you want to do some critical thinking to check whether that is the verbal path that you’d like to embark upon. 

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 We have a lot of freedom, especially in the US. But, what does it all mean? How can we harness our freedoms in the best way. How can we pick up from the mind-ways of others to learn, and maybe show them love by joining in on their schtik. In knowing yourself, you can understanding that a blend of what someone else is doing or not doing doesn’t mean that you are losing yourself or not being authentic. Be clear on your purpose for doing something - always. You want to show love, and if that means doing a little more, or something that is a little outside of your comfort zone - do it. Make it happen, and grow from it. 

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This piece is called Sweet Pine, and it's by Zechariah Mathz  

 Check more of his music out here: @Zechariah Mathz https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsf1e1EuBQPyYAlo7ZiFcJA 

Sending you sunshine and love! (^_^* 

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Here's a piano piece by my brother and I at my sister's house during the Christmas / Hanukkah holiday Check more of his music out here: @Zechariah Mathz https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsf1e1EuBQPyYAlo7ZiFcJA DONATING or SHARING …. The two biggest things that you can do if you want to support and/or be involved in some way. I want to keep doing this, and with your help, I can keep on keep’n on ;D Here’s the donation link: https://anchor.fm/LoveHaShem/support If you share via Instagram, feel free to tag @flowmindset: Thanks for listening! -------------------- (^_^) 

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I hope you enjoy this piano piece that I played. Hopefully, it can bring you a degree of relaxation and #chill. ;D

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