The Banter Podcast with Michael Luciano and Ben Cohen

Republicans freak the hell out after Joe Biden announces sensible new Covid policies. Chris Christie and Donald Trump star in this episode's edition of What Crazy Fucking Thing Did a Republican Say This Week? Plus, a conversation about 9/11 – and what came after – you didn't hear in the mainstream media on Saturday.

An absurd anti-abortion law takes effect in Texas. Joe Rogan, who said earlier this year he won't get vaccinated against Covid-19, gets Covid-19. A CNN medical analyst explains why his treatment regimen was bunk. This episode's What Crazy Fucking Thing Did a Republican Say This Week features the governor of Mississippi and a former Trump medical adviser. 

We're back after a summer hiatus to discuss Biden's Afghanistan withdrawal and the Republicans' cynical response to the attack in Kabul that left 190 dead, including 13 U.S. service members. This episode's edition of What Crazy Fucking Thing Did a Republican Say This Week? is brought to you by Ben Shapiro, as well as a woman at a Trump rally who says she won't get the Covid-19 vaccine even though her doctor advised her to. Plus, idiots are taking horse dewormer in an effort to cure themselves of Covid,

Joe Biden gets put on notice by Catholic bishops over his pro-choice stance, which prompts a theological discussion between Mike and Ben, resulting in well deserved mockery. Our weekly segment, What Crazy Fucking Thing Did A Republican Say This Week, heads down a dark path featuring conservative ghouls Paul Gosar, Tucker Carlson, and Ben Shapiro.

Jeffrey Toobin returns to CNN after masturbating on a Zoom call. The New York Times drops a scoop about Donald Trump's Justice Department subpoenaing Apple to get info about Democratic congressmen Adam Schiff and Eric Swalwell, both of whom Mike rants about for a completely unrelated reason. Meanwhile, Barack Obama sums up the garbage state of the Republican Party. Matt Taibbi, Glenn Greenwald, and a guest on Tucker Carlson's show feature prominently in, What Crazy Fucking Thing Did a Republican Say This Week? (even though they may not be actual Republicans). Finally, Ben casually mentions that his wedding was held at where this weekend's G7 summit is occuring.

Mike goes bonkers on Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema for defending the filibuster with Joe Biden's infrastructure plan on the line. Ben suggests Democrats blackmail Manchin with a deep fake of him having sex with a pig, a la that Black Mirror episode. Also, White Supremacist Tucker Carlson was outraged that Biden gave a speech to commemorate the murders of hundreds of Black people by a White mob in Tulsa. And Glenn Greenwald is outraged at Twitter's suspension of insane Covid conspiracy theorist Naomi Wolf.

Republicans block the formation of an independent commission to investigate the 1/6 Capitol Insurrection incited by Donald Trump because Senate rules are idiotic, and Mitch McConnell wants to be majority leader again. Joe Manchin says he wouldn't want to gut the filibuster in order to investigate the rioters who tried  to destroy our government because – and this is real – "I'm not ready to destroy our government." Paul Ryan rises from the ether to give a delusional account of the state of the GOP. The Manhattan district attorney has convened a grand jury in the investigation of the Trump Organization. Also, why in the world has the question of Covid's origins become politicized?

The guys are back! Mike and Ben discuss the possibility of Benjamin Netanyahu having personal reasons for striking Gaza. A new book reports that Barack Obama trashed Donald Trump as a "fucking lunatic." Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene says Congress has become a concentration camp and rails against Kommandant Nancy Pelosi. And oh yeah, Liz Cheney was kicked out of the House Republican leadership since our last podcast.

Joe Biden gives his first address to a joint session of Congress. Joe Manchin kills any chance of D.C. statehood (for now) with a ridiculous proposal, but Democrats are stuck with him. Mike slams a woke mob of 500 former Jeopardy! contestants for seeing racism where none exists. Ben rips Tucker Carlson for telling his audience to call the police on children wearing masks outdoors. Plus, Rudy Giuliani's home is raided by the FBI.

Derek Chauvin is found guilty of murdering George Floyd. News of a police shooting in Columbus prompts the Twitter jury to recklessly proclaim "murder" before body camera footage shows a very different story. This episode's What Crazy F**king Thing Did a Republican Say This Week? brings us Larry Kudlow's brussels sprouts and Tucker Carlson's demented laugh. (Plus, a bonus Crazy Thing). Joe Biden becomes the first sitting U.S. president to recognize the Armenian genocide. And Ben's three-year-old has a gross new habit.

White cops gun down people of color (again). Mass shootings hit the nation (again). Mike and Ben discuss viable action for sensible gun control in America. Plus, our favorite segment: What Crazy Fucking Thing Did a Republican Say This Week? (Curve ball, it’s not necessarily a Republican…). As an extra bonus, we rant on Glenn Greenwald for several minutes.

Mike gets the vaccine and hears Bill Gates's voice telling him to buy Microsoft products. We have a super sketchy update on the investigation into Congressman Matt Gaetz that is definitely not good for Matt Gaetz. Joe Manchin reiterates his undying love for the filibuster. Also, What Crazy F***ing Thing Did a Republican Say This Week? The GOP tells donors if they don't give more money, they'll be reported to Trump as "DEFECTORS." (That's not an exaggeration, BTW.) Meanwhile, Mitch McConnell tells corporations to... [checks notes] stay out of politics. Plus, Amazon kills a unionization effort in Alabama.

A driver rams into Capitol police with deadly consequences. The New York Times reports that Congressman Matt Gaetz is under investigation by the Justice department for possibly having sex with a 17-year-old girl, and Gaetz gives a BIZARRE interview on Tucker Carlson about it which Ben and Mike break down. Plus, it's time for another installment of 'What Crazy F***ing Thing Did a Republican Say This Week?' Trump emerges to wish everyone a Happy Easter as only he can. Major League Baseball pulls the 2021 all-star game from Atlanta in response to Georgia's new voter suppression law.

Ben and Mike introduce a new segment about crazy shit Republicans say. Joe Biden's first press conference was boring... as presidential press conferences should be. Another week, another mass shooting. Georgia makes it harder to vote while it criminalizes giving food and water to people waiting in line to cast a ballot. Tucker Carlson and a guest agree that conservatives might have no choice but to vote for a fascist. Plus, Fox News is being sued for $1.6 billion.

A white gunman in Georgia opens fire on Asian-run spas and blames it on "sex addiction." Ben and Mike think out loud about the prevailing media narratives about his motives. Incredibly, it appears Governor Andrew Cuomo will at least finish his term. Ben gets the Covid vaccine in Trump country, where 47% of people say they won't get it. Mike contemplates taking up smoking because some states give the vaccine to anyone who says they're a smoker, no proof required. Plus Rand Paul goes full douche during an exchange with Anthony Fauci.

President Biden signs the American Rescue Plan into law, giving millions of Americans much needed relief. It's supported by three-fourths of Americans, so naturally not a single Republican voted for it. Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson bashes women in the military because he's a monstrous douche. Meanwhile, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo's political career is circling the drain as six women have accused him of varying degrees of sexual harassment and assault. But for some reason, Cuomo has his fair share of "Blue MAGA" defenders. Plus, an important message from the governor of Nebraska about marijuana.

Ted Cruz channels William Wallace at CPAC. The Biden administration publicly accuses Saudi crown prince Mohammed bin Salman authorized the murder of Washington Post columnist Jamal Khashoggi, but then says it'll do nothing about it. Biden launches his first major air strike in what has become an unfortunate rite of passage for new presidents. The senate parliamentarian rules the Democrats' minimum wage hike to $15 should not be in the Covid relief bill. Mike points out that Vice President Harris can overrule her, but the White House says it's not going to do it. After blaming Donald Trump for the January 6th insurrection, Mitch McConnell says he'd "absolutely" support Trump if he's the Republican presidential nominee in 2024.

Using no hands, Ben counts how many thoughts and prayers he sent over the death of Rush Limbaugh. Texas is slammed by a rare and catastrophic winter storm that knocked out its power grid. Republicans try to blame it on... the Green New Deal??? Ted Cruz flees the freeze to Cancun, only to be shamed into immediately coming back. New York Governor Andrew Cuomo is under fire for being the bullying douchebag that he is.

As Trump's election lawsuits keep getting shot down, he tries to schmooze Michigan lawmakers into doing the unthinkable. Georgia's Republican Secretary of State draws fire from Republicans for [checks notes...] conducting a free and fair election. Rudy Giuliani argues his first case in court in 28 years, and it went exactly as you'd expect. Plus, Team Trump's coup attempt may be for performative purposes only, but so was his 2016 campaign at first.

Trump refuses to acknowledge he lost an election that wasn't even close. Worse, too many Republicans are going along with the charade. Eighty-six percent of Trump voters think the election was rigged against the president, which is a recipe for disaster. Trump's legal battles are going terribly for him. Ben and Mike talk about the GOP's turn toward authoritarianism, and they debate whether the Electoral College should have voted for Hillary Clinton in 2016. Plus the dumbest man in the U.S. Senate.

Ben and a "delightfully hungover" Mike take a victory lap after America fires Donald Trump, who is dangerously denouncing the results as a sham. Rudy Giuliani announces the campaign's legal "strategy" in front of a landscaping business they thought was a luxury hotel. (Yes, they are that incompetent.) Plus, how could 70 million people still vote for this guy?

Trump and Biden have dueling town halls thanks to NBC’s shameless ploy for ratings. Dianne Feinstein praises Lindsey Graham’s handling of the Amy Coney Barrett hearing before giving him a maskless hug, proving she has no business running for another term. Trump’s path to victory is shrinking by the day, and he’s making it even worse for himself. Plus, senate polls indicate a possible Democratic takeover, as several Republicans are in deep trouble.

Bob Cesca of his eponymous show joins Mike and Ben to discuss the week. Trump throws a tantrum and refuses to have a virtual debate with Joe Biden. Then he foolishly pulls out of COVID relief negotiations before reversing himself, but he's already inflicted major damage on his campaign. A fly on Mike Pence's head during the Vice Presidential debate shows that flies are still attracted to you know what. Plus, the insane plot by domestic terrorists to kidnap Michigan governor Gretchen Whitmer.

After downplaying COVID-19 for most of the year, Donald Trump has been hospitalized after being infected. Ben has sympathy, while Mike says it's not possible to wish Trump well while also thinking he's a threat to American democracy. Trump's personal physician gives an inaccurate and bumbling press conference about the president's condition. Amy Coney Barrett's maskless Rose Garden ceremony might end up killing the GOP, literally. Plus Trump holds a fundraiser after learning he'd been exposed to coronavirus.

Mike and Ben give a debate postmortem. Trump's performance was so horrible, he made the debate itself horrible. Biden did a commendable job of withstanding Trump's unprecedented onslaught of rudeness while also smashing him on COVID-19. Trump seems to think castigating Biden's son for having a drug problem is a winning strategy. Plus, should Biden even bother with the next two debates?

The U.S. hits 200,000 coronavirus deaths. Trump tells us loud and clear he won't leave office quietly if he loses. The Justice Department is working to reelect the president. Plus, should Democrats try to make D.C. and Puerto Rico statehood a reality?

Ben and Mike discuss the Democrats' options for stalling Trump's forthcoming nominee to replace Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Mike predicts Trump's nominee and how the nomination will go down. The guys argue about whether Joe Biden would attempt to pack the court. Also, Bill Barr is in the running for worst Attorney General in U.S. History.

(Audio improves after the first 20 seconds.) Mike gives an apocalyptic account of the wildfires in the Bay Area. Ben worries about a Trump October surprise. We look back on Trump saying on September 11, 2001 that, thanks to the terrorist attack, he had the tallest building in Lower Manhattan. (You'll never believe the problem with his claim, other than its tastelessness.) Trump talks to Bob Woodward... 18 times because he's an idiot and Jared Kushner thought it was a good idea. Plus, Republicans are incapable of producing a healthcare plan.

Mike and Ben debate a Trumper's claim that the president was "sent by God." An explosive piece in The Atlantic reports that Trump called American soldiers "losers" and "suckers." Trump denies a medical claim about him that nobody made. COVID-19 is still raging, but the country has decided it's over. And a QAnon candidate who's almost certain to be elected to Congress posts assassination innuendo about members of The Squad.

Biden destroys Trump's "Sleepy Joe" narrative at the Democratic National Convention. Barack Obama warns democracy is at stake in November. What does Steve Bannon's arrest on a $35 million yacht have to do with Bill Barr firing the U.S. Attorney in Manhattan? Also, don't give money to this scammy "Democratic" super PAC you've probably seen asking for your money on social media. Mike and Ben wonder what the hell happened to Matt Taibbi. Plus Mike has a bone to pick with Nancy Pelosi over her endorsement in the U.S. Senate primary in Massachusetts.

In five seconds, Mike and Ben debunk the racist myth that Kamala Harris is ineligible to be Vice President. Trump tweets to "suburban housewives" that Cory Booker will bring poor black people to their neighborhoods if Joe Biden becomes president. The election-related chicanery in the postal service continues. There will be a constitutional crisis in November. Plus, the guys discuss whether Trump supporters can be good people.

Tulane University cancels an author who wrote a book condemning his family's racist past. (Yes, you read that right.)  Team Trump is probably sabotaging the post office to steal the election. Republicans are working to get Kanye West on state ballots. Also, conservative "intellectual" Dinesh D'Souza says only Trump knows how to pronounce 'Thailand' properly. Finally, the NRA could be on the verge of extinction. So there's that!

Trump floats delaying the election and promotes a quack doctor who advises against having sex with demons. (That sentence is not clickbait, we swear.) Herman Cain dies of COVID-19 after attending Trump's Tulsa rally. Senate Republicans are in no hurry to provide coronavirus relief. Plus, someone - maybe in the White House - is definitely guilty of insider trading stemming from a nonsensical deal Trump made with Kodak. Yes, that Kodak which still exists somehow.

Bob Cesca of the Bob Cesca Show joins Ben and Mike to discuss the week in Trump World – from the silly PersonWomanManCameraTVgate to the fascistic deployment of jackbooted thugs to Portland, Chicago, Kansas City, and Albuquerque. Is this Trump's knee-jerk attempt to turn around his bad poll numbers, or is he laying the groundwork to steal the election? Also, too many Americans are ready for nationalistic authoritarianism. Lastly, the guys discuss reports of alleged alien activity and how extraterrestrials would handle America's Karens.

Mike says Ruth Bader Ginsburg's next health scare is more likely to kill him than her, and Ben proposes an unusual solution. Federal goon squads are abducting people off the streets of Portland. COVID-19 is out of control thanks to Trump and his governor pals like Brian Kemp, who's suing his own state's largest city over a mask mandate. Plus, Glenn Greenwald is a turd.

Tucker Carlson's smearing of Senator Tammy Duckworth is another example of chickenhawk conservatives questioning the patriotism of Democratic combat veterans. We have the receipts. Also, Republicans yawn as Trump does nothing about Russian bounties on U.S. soldiers. Plus, the Supreme Court hands Trump a defeat on his tax returns, but gives religious organizations three huge gifts in separate decisions.

In this week’s mega episode of The Banter Podcast: The president gives a divisive speech on what's supposed to be a unifying day as COVID-19 cases skyrocket in states that voted for him. Trump and the buffoons at Fox News attack people who actually know things . Meanwhile his poll numbers are in the toilet. Also, Mike and Ben talk about how the stock market is not the economy, with Elon Musk's Tesla being a prime example. Plus, some more incredibly satisfying Tucker Carlson bashing.

Trump's poll numbers are in the toilet. Is it on purpose? COVID-19 cases are spiking across the U.S. after we predicted the country would screw up the reopening. John Bolton writes a tell all that we sum up so you don't have to give that warmongering mustache royalties. Also, Florida Karens are – unsurprisingly – the worst Karens.

We're going to screw up the coronavirus reopenings, aren't we? Meanwhile, Team Trump not so subtly planned a rally in Tulsa on Juneteenth, and wants MAGA hats to sign a waiver in case they get COVID-19. Ben and Mike agree that Confederate monuments should be taken down, but what about Winston Churchill in the U.K.? Also, Republicans seem to think people learn history by looking at racist statues instead of reading books. Plus, "Defund the police" isn't very well thought out, either as a slogan or policy idea.

Trump attacks protestors and their basic rights. Mike has had it with conservatives blaming civil unrest on identity politics, as well as protestors who aren't wearing masks. Ben is over Tucker Carlson's White Supremacist rhetoric. The guys discuss Trump's threat to deploy the military to cities across America, while Mike floats a terrifying theory. Plus, no one in Washington has been more emasculated by Trump than Ted Cruz.

Ben and Mike discuss that white lady's racist meltdown in Central Park against a black birdwatcher, and how it could have ended in tragedy just as in George Floyd's case. Mike feels bad for people actually named Karen who aren't bothering anyone. Plus, Trump looks to crack down on social media by issuing an outrageous executive order. Also, the guys talk about the possibility of Trump officials going to jail once they're out of power.

Mike guarantees a certain Republican senator will lose this November. Ben talks about how he'd vote for a dead Joe Biden over Trump. Plus, the guys debate whether they'd rather have Dick Cheney or Sarah Palin be president over Trump. Also, they explain the consequences of Trump's insanely reckless comments to a nation of 320 million. And of course, they discuss Biden's "You ain't black" gaffe.

Trump is back on the hydroxychloroquine train because he's a moron. He claims he's been taking it, but Mike isn't so sure. Ben explains why the armed protestors who swarmed Michigan's capitol building are terrorists. Plus, the guys discuss the insanely low threshold white Americans have for what constitutes "tyranny," and whether armed black people could get away with assembling in direct violation of a stay-at-home order in a pandemic.

Trump wails about "Obamagate," but nobody knows what Trump is talking about, including Trump. Plus, Joe Biden's campaign finally goes on the attack. Also, the latest developments on Tara Reade's accusation against Biden. Finally, Mike and Ben have had it with liberals Matt Taibbi and Glenn Greenwald, who mostly take aim at the Democratic Party, as opposed to the Republican Trumpists who are actually in power. 

Mike and Ben tee off on "pro-life" Republicans willing to sacrifice thousands for Trump's reelec–errr, the economy. Elon Musk throws a tantrum because Tesla's Fremont factory must remain closed. Also, the insane realm of coronavirus conspiracy theories. Plus, the guys debate whether Joe Biden is doing enough to capitalize on Trump's terrible handling of the coronavirus pandemic.

Ben and Mike disagree (and agree) on Tara Reade’s accusations against Joe Biden. Then in the main event (starts at 26:10) they talk to ProPublica’s Jessica Huseman about how states are shockingly unprepared to handle a surge in mail-in ballots during this pandemic. She also clears up a misconception about “voter purges,” and discusses whether the country’s voting machines are safe from glitches and hackers.

Ben and Mike discuss Trump's ludicrous suggestion that injecting disinfectants cures coronavirus, Democrats' bad habit of recycling the same dinosaur advisers, and the loathsome Mitch McConnell calling more coronavirus relief a "blue state bailout."

Elon Musk said he'd deliver ventilators to hospitals, but gave sleep apnea machines instead. Yet he still insists they're "ventilators."

Trump tweets that states with stay-at-home orders need to be liberated in an attempt to get Tea Party 2.0. Also, Elon Musk promised to deliver ventilators to hospitals, but delivered sleep apnea machines instead. Yet for some reason he's insisting they're "ventilators." 

Ben and Mike discuss the Republicans' deadly and disenfranchising gambit in Wisconsin. Also, The Stock Market is Not the Economy: Part 87,000. Plus, how credible is the sexual assault allegation against Joe Biden? And Tom Friedman has put forward his "national unity cabinet," which is as stupid as it sounds.