The OptimalWork Podcast

#249: In this episode, Sharif Younes and Dr. Kevin Majeres focus on the essential role of discipline in effective parenting. They discuss the challenges parents face in setting and enforcing limits, and the importance of establishing clear expectations and consistent routines. The conversation highlights how discipline, when rooted in connection and guided by positive reinforcement, helps children develop self-control and responsibility. They also revisit the “1-2-3 Magic” method as a practical approach to managing misbehavior, emphasizing how consistent, calm discipline fosters long-term growth and character formation.

#248: In this episode, Sharif Younes and Dr. Majeres discuss the third quality of Optimal Parenting: consistency. Regular routines, standards, and ideals—applied consistently—foster children's intrinsic motivation and emotional stability. The conversation also highlights the benefits of challenges and discomfort in family life, the role of best practices, and the impact of nutrition, sleep, and screen time on child development. The episode concludes by showing how consistency strikes a balance between laxity and rigidity in parenting, ensuring that higher ideals—not just outcomes—guide parenting and family practices.

#247: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres delve into the second principle of Optimal Parenting: fostering and conveying confidence in your child’s ability to grow and thrive on challenge. They discuss the importance of skills and ideals, and practical strategies for parents, starting with real-life scenarios. The conversation highlights actionable takeaways for parents to implement in their daily interactions with their children, ultimately aiming to cultivate a love of learning and the ability to navigate challenges effectively.

#246: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres do a deep dive into the first principle of Optimal Parenting: the power of connection during challenging moments for children. They discuss the dynamics of dynorphin surges and how parents can help children navigate these emotional storms through bonding and validation. The conversation emphasizes the balance between being overly sensitive (enmeshed) and being too detached, advocating for a mindful middle ground approach to parenting that fosters resilience and growth in children.

#245: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres explore the topic of parenting, introducing the three key principles of Optimal Parenting: connection, confidence, and consistency. They begin with some background neuroscience to explain why parents are essential in the first place—offering a contrast to approaches like gentle parenting or the view presented in the recent book The Sovereign Child. Upcoming episodes will dive deeper into each of these three principles.

#244: This episode continues our discussion of Alfie Kohn’s “Punished by Rewards.” Kohn believes that a person’s motivation (especially a child’s) starts out pure but gets corrupted by rewards and praise. Here we explore the possibility that intrinsic motivation is actually something that develops over time, and thus behavioralist psychology, rather than destroying intrinsic motivation, in fact opens up a path to it.

#243: In this episode, we explore the radical claims made by Alfie Kohn in his 1993 book Punished by Rewards. Kohn, an expert in education and psychology, argues against the use of rewards to incentivize behavior. For Kohn, such incentives cause people to lose intrinsic motivation: for instance, kids get motivated by grades, not learning; employees get motivated by money, not creativity and service.

#242: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres discuss the nature of addiction. They begin by exploring its development, showing how addiction often starts as a pursuit of pleasure but can evolve into a compulsive behavior that undermines personal ideals and freedom. The conversation focuses on the neuroscience of addiction, highlighting the role of the brain's dorsal striatum in compulsive behaviors. Dr. Majeres explains how the shift from the ventral to the dorsal striatum marks a transition from pleasure-seeking to compulsion, driven by dynorphins. The discussion also covers the nature of habits, the importance of reframing and mindfulness in breaking addiction cycles, and strategies for recovery.

#241: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres discuss the Seven Deadly Sins from a psychological perspective, exploring how these vices can be viewed as habits or addictions that violate personal ideals. They discuss the nature of addiction, the role of cravings, and the importance of understanding the triggers behind addictive behaviors. The conversation emphasizes the significance of mindfulness, acceptance, and practical skills in overcoming addiction and fostering personal growth. It also highlights the impact of environment on addiction and the necessity of building meaningful connections to combat feelings of loneliness and vulnerability.

#240: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres explore the concept of dynorphins and their role in personal growth, looking at a variety of cases. They discuss how dynorphins can affect behaviors such as perfectionism, procrastination, and workaholism, emphasizing the importance of embracing pain to foster growth. The conversation also touches on emotional responses, the challenges of insomnia, and the significance of validating one's feelings to enhance emotional resilience.

#239: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres delve into the concept of dynorphins and their role in human suffering and growth. They discuss how dynorphins are linked to discomfort and the importance of embracing this discomfort for personal development. The conversation explores the functions of the amygdala in emotional responses, the relationship between dopamine and dynorphins, and the significance of order and intensity in overcoming challenges. They also touch on the concepts of threat learning and safety learning, and how reframing our perception of dynorphins can lead to greater growth and love in our lives.

#238: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres explore the concept of dynorphins and their crucial role in emotional growth and personal development. They discuss the importance of embracing discomfort and unwillingness as pathways to growth, drawing on insights from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). The conversation highlights how dynorphins influence our emotional responses and coping mechanisms, and how understanding these dynamics can aid in mentoring and personal transformation. The episode concludes with practical strategies for cultivating willingness and love in the face of discomfort.

#237: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres discuss the transformative practices of OptimalWork, focusing on projects, growth goals, and the Golden Hour. They explore the importance of setting growth goals, the role of AI in enhancing productivity, and the significance of mindfulness and attention in work. The conversation highlights recent updates to the OptimalWork app and tools.

#236: The pain you experience from negative emotions is your brain’s way of predicting and preparing you for some kind of avoidant behavior. In this episode, we’ll show you how to most directly change your brain’s predictions and thus attain a new mastery over discomfort.

#235: When you experience anything — tiredness, pain, distractions — you’re engaging not just reality, but also your brain’s predictions. This insight has profound consequences for how you should engage challenges like tiredness, and for the types of beliefs you should have about yourself. In this episode, we discuss how to interpret and respond to your experiences and your brain’s predictions.

#234: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres discuss the complexities of generosity, distinguishing between true and false forms. They explore the barriers that prevent individuals from being generous, such as fear of exploitation and loss of personal boundaries. The conversation emphasizes the importance of trust in relationships and how generosity can enhance personal growth and strengthen bonds. They also discuss the need for strategic resets in one's approach to generosity, ensuring that it remains a healthy and sustainable practice.

#233: We work in order to produce something of value for others. In order to work better, rest is important to restore ourselves and maintain energy. But activities of leisure carry us beyond rest to contemplation, and are done for their own sake. In this episode, Dr. Majeres and Sharif discuss the relationship between rest, work, and leisure.

#232: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres discuss the concept of generosity, exploring its foundational role in personal growth and relationships. They discuss how generosity is intertwined with humility, the importance of serving others, and how it can transform our lives and the lives of those around us. The conversation also touches on the balance between generosity and prudence, the development of generosity as a habit, and the necessity of being genuinely interested in others.

#231: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres discuss the significance of home life and how it shapes our relationships and personal growth. They explore the concept of a 'thoughtful home' as presented in Dia Boyle's book, emphasizing the importance of attention, care, and challenge within the family dynamic. The conversation covers practical strategies for fostering a nurturing environment, the role of family meals, the impact of technology, and how to integrate home life with work life for comprehensive well-being.

#229: Sometimes it may seem like the outcome is the most important thing you need to obtain: the perfect grade, the well-deserved promotion, or the necessary money. In this episode, Dr. Majeres and Sharif discuss the superiority of growth goals and why you should never aim for outcomes as ends in themselves.

#228: Whenever we do something repeatedly, we’ll tend eventually to do it in a rote, automatic way. This even applies to OptimalWork’s core practices: reframing, mindfulness, and challenge. In this episode we show how curiosity can help you overcome this tendency and bring a sense of newness to every challenge you face.

#227: Dr. John Gottman identifies four stages in the breakdown of a relationship: defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and, ultimately, contempt. Each of these behaviors points to a deeper issue — a lack of humility. In this episode, we explore a fundamental attitude that can help you heal and strengthen bonds by addressing all four forms of relational breakdown. The key? Approaching challenges with a childlike spirit. This perspective enables you to overcome the fear of shame that often underlies these issues. Children naturally embody openness to learning, resilience in the face of failure, and freedom from excessive self-consciousness — qualities we can all learn to emulate.

#226: Dr. John Gottman identifies four stages in the breakdown of a relationship: defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and ultimately contempt. Each of these reflects a deeper issue— a lack of humility. In this episode, we delve into the fourth stage: contempt. Contempt is the most significant predictor of relationship decline and divorce, due to its permanence and the emotional distance it creates. Contempt also has cultural implications, particularly in parenting, and the need for fostering bonds through understanding and mutual respect. Humility, growth mindset, and trust are crucial in overcoming contempt and helping us orient ourselves toward the good of others, our bonds with them, and our common goods.

#225: Dr. John Gottman identifies four stages in the breakdown of a relationship: defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and ultimately contempt. Each of these reflects a deeper issue— a lack of humility. In this episode, we delve into the third stage: stonewalling. Stonewalling means putting up obstacles to forming bonds with others. While defensiveness and criticism most concern one’s attitude, stonewalling goes deeper and touches upon one’s attention. Stonewalling at its most extreme implies an inward collapse of attention, an unwillingness to attend to others.

#224: Dr. John Gottman identifies four stages in the breakdown of a relationship: defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and ultimately contempt. Each of these reflects a deeper issue— a lack of humility. In this episode, we delve into the second stage: criticism, or what we call a critical spirit. A critical spirit often arises from hyperfocusing on someone else’s flaws, conflating those flaws with their identity, and viewing them as fixed and unchangeable. It can also serve as a kind of projection—an unconscious act of attributing our own shortcomings to others. Recognizing a critical spirit within ourselves, however uncomfortable, can open the door to profound personal growth. By addressing the root of this behavior, we not only improve our relationships but also cultivate greater humility and self-awareness.

#223: Dr. John Gottman describes four stages in the breakdown of a relationship: first defensiveness, then criticism, then stonewalling, and finally contempt. Each of these is a manifestation of a lack of humility. Having laid out the big picture in our previous episode, here we do a deep dive into the first, defensiveness. We explain how it arises and how it relates to key concepts in our approach, like Reframing, Growth Mindset, and Threat Mode.

#222: In this episode of the OptimalWork Podcast, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres delve into the significance of humility in leadership and team dynamics. They explore the concept of humble leadership, the detrimental effects of pride, and the four horsemen of team dysfunction: defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and contempt. The conversation emphasizes the importance of cultivating humility as a means to foster better relationships, enhance team cohesion, and promote personal growth. The episode concludes with actionable steps for developing humility and the transformative power it holds in achieving mastery in various aspects of life.

#221: Over the past five years, OptimalWork has grown into a unique and powerful digital platform for growth, centered on our MasterClass. In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Majeres discuss the history of our digital platform and recent findings about how effective the MasterClass is in helping people achieve behavior change.

#220: Working with a spirit of service lies at the core of working at your best. But the spirit of service has a doppelgänger: aiming to please people. This often arises from motives of fear (fear of conflict, etc.), whereas service is rooted in love. In this episode, we compare these two motivations, and discuss how to escape the trap of seeking to please others.

#219: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres discuss the concept of Extreme Ownership, as introduced and developed by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin. Willink and Babin learned this concept from their time serving as Navy Seals and have gained popularity adapting it to other contexts, like business and relationships. In this conversation, Sharif and Dr. Majeres discuss the nuances of this approach, and share applications to challenges faced in various contexts, from the classroom to the boardroom.

#218: In this installment of our series on mastery, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres explore the third and final stage: the optimizing stage. The optimizing stage of mastery has deep connections to other core concepts of OptimalWork like deliberate practice, continual growth, and above all service. In the optimizing stage, we can go beyond the automaticity characteristic of the implicit stage (stage two) and develop our mastery to such a degree that we can pour our entire selves into a task. In this way, the optimizing stage of mastery is also connected to flow, the state of peak focus, when we become, as it were, fused with the present task.

#217: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres explore the second of the three phases of mastery: the implicit phase of mastery. This phase is the most dangerous, because it is where bad actions can become automatic habits, and where good habits can become plateaus. Fortunately, there are ways to avoid these pitfalls. The implicit phase of mastery is also closely connected with flow. The next episode will cover the final stage of mastery: optimizing strategies.

#216: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres delve into the concept of mastery, focusing on its explicit phase. Broadly, mastery has three forms: mastery over a technical skill, self-mastery, and mastery in the context of bonds. For all these forms, crafting a strategy (a goal plus steps) is essential to developing explicit mastery. As you develop explicit mastery, you can harness dopamine to maintain motivation by setting appropriate micro-goals to complete as you carry out your strategy.

#215: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres explore the concept of mastery, its relationship to service, and the neuroscience behind it. We can distinguish between three stages of mastery: explicit, implicit, and optimizing. Ultimately, mastery is not just about raw technical skills, but about putting these skills to the service of higher ideals and ultimately our bonds with others. 

#214: Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres delve into the significance of breath in regulation attention and managing anxiety. One of the most interesting advances in the understanding of breath is the discovery of the oxygen paradox: breathing too much can actually reduce the amount of oxygen that reaches your brain. Breathing, mood, nutrition, attention, and activity are all interrelated. Understanding the relationship between breathing, oxygen, and carbon dioxide shows just how transformative proper breathing techniques can be.

#213: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres discuss the importance of learning how to self-regulate your attention. We often try to address distraction and worrying — two common obstacles relating to attention — by re-arranging our external circumstances, changing aspects of our lives. This can be helpful and even necessary at times. But to get the best results, it is also important to focus on the internals, on our own capacity to focus our attention. This capacity is like a muscle that we can strengthen over time with the right exercises.

#212: In this episode, Dr. Kevin Majeres and Sharif discuss the importance of attention for working at your best. Understanding how your attention works — especially the dynamic between task attention and default attention — can help you improve how you both rest and work. Some may think that focus is a matter of brute force and self-discipline, or of simply arranging your environment. But the understanding of attention explored here points to deeper strategies that we can use to master our attention and shape ourselves in the process.

#211: Is it possible to sustain a high level of challenge throughout the day? At first, it may seem daunting. But embracing challenge brings growth and with it an increase in energy. The key is to embrace challenges in order to serve, so that challenges are not about improving yourself in isolation, but deepening the bonds with those around you.

#210: When focusing on self-improvement, it is natural to look first at your behaviors and strive for behavior change. In this episode, Dr. Majeres and Sharif explore what change on the inside looks like: how you relate to the inner friction produced by “parts” of you, like an inner critic or a harsh taskmaster. They show that behavior change is best built on a foundation of interior transformation.

#209: It is possible to accept in theory that every challenge presents an opportunity, while still in reality viewing the actual challenges you face in a negative light. In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Majeres discuss the need for a robust worldview to be able to reframe any challenge, and how to tap into that worldview to make it more operative.

#208: There is increasing interest in dopamine, a molecule that is closely related to our experience of pleasure, reward, expectation, and motivation. It’s involved in negative processes, like overindulgence and addiction, but it can also be harnessed to set virtuous cycles in motion. Surprisingly, as Dr. Kevin Majeres and Sharif discuss, the dopamine molecule is involved in the very spiritual processes of living ideals and deepening bonds.

#207: In this episode Dr. Kevin Majeres and Sharif discuss Steven Pressfield’s book “The War of Art.” Pressfield has developed a kind of mythology to describe the psychology of following one’s true calling. You know you’re on the right path if you encounter Resistance. But if you persevere and work through the Resistance your Muse will inspire you to do great things. In this episode, we compare Pressfield’s practical conclusions to the advice we give at OptimalWork.

#206: Cognitive behavioral therapy, positive psychology, and other developments in the field of psychology have put flourishing on the map as a primary goal of psychological growth. In this episode, Dr. Kevin Majeres and Sharif discuss the nature of flourishing, and the surest path to obtaining it.

#205: In this episode, Dr. Kevin Majeres and Sharif discuss OptimalWork's recently launched anxiety course called Overcoming Anxiety. Having the proper attitude toward anxiety is essential. Rather than thinking we must get rid of anxiety or merely cope with it, we need to see how to embrace anxiety and use it to perform at our best and live out our highest ideals. This understanding is key to shaping our actions, and also helping others to engage the challenges they face.

#204: : In this episode, we focus on the ideal of temperance, sketching what it looks like at various levels, and how to grow in it. At all levels, we show how temperance, the ability to act according to your ideals no matter what desires you have, is not a matter of effortful willpower, but can be gained with the simple practice of mindfulness.

#203: Ideals lie at the core of our approach. Indeed, our mission is to help you challenge yourself according to your highest ideals in each hour of work and life. For this, it is necessary to have an image in your mind of what the various ideals look like when lived fully. In this episode, we paint a picture of humility.

#202: In his book “The Confident Mind,” Dr. Nate Zinsser, shares the approach he’s developed as the director of West Point’s Performance Psychology Program and consultant for numerous elite athletes. His insights, which center on the idea of confidence, can be transformative not only for preparing for combat and athletic competitions, but also for approach challenges in everyday life. In this episode, Dr. Kevin Majeres and Sharif discuss his work, compare it to OptimalWork’s approach, and identify one key idea that would enhance Dr. Zinsser’s analysis.

#201: When people face psychological challenges, they need to fully feel the difficult emotion in order to rise above it. Similarly, important bonds are greatly strengthened by fully feeling positive emotions — in order to second and intensify them. All people can benefit from the practice of mindfulness of the heart, a form of mindfulness that can be practiced all day long.

#200: Reframing lies at the heart of OptimalWork’s approach. In this episode, Dr Kevin Majeres and Sharif survey some precursors to reframing in the literature and practice of psychology and cognitive behavioral therapy, and what distinguishes reframing from these other approaches.