Paragon Marathon

In a horror story, there are only victims and monsters. In a podcast about a video game about a horror story, there are only confused (but enthusiastic!) sibling hosts. Join Tom, Dan, and Sarah as the Marathon runs a long, spiralling loop-lap through Alan Wake 2 along with any and all connected universes. We like to call this next episode "The Story of the Journey of Alan Wake: THE MUSICAL!" But instead of talking, we'll SING IT! (We will also just talk about it.) True Crime fans, horor enthusiasts, and even you wretched gamers: Please join us for our most musical episode and least comprehensible discussion yet!

Contained within: amateur sing-alongs, Scandinavian self-inserts, author heroes, hero authors, anti-hero auteurs. Also Tom does a rap.

MOVIE NIGHT! Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as the Marathon takes a lap around Luc Besson's sci-fantasy epic, "The Fifth Element", a classic tale of good vs evil, sentient hell planets vs perfect day-old babes, and/or capitalist greed vs noble hobbit priests. Everyone's favourite tank-top wearing action hero, Bruce Willis, teams up with humanity's sexiest hope for survival Milla Jovovich in a whirlwind cyberpunk adventure, all of which pales in comparison to the immaculate perfection of Chris Tucker's radio-sex-DJ. Can our heroes survive the hordes of campy rubber suit monster mercenaries? Is any of this tits-forward romp socially acceptable anymore? Listen to find out! Contained within: Colin Hanks Beta-types, 90s fantasy eugenics, and Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel ZORG.

Join us on a wild ride through the 2000 classic, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," (or in Tom's words "How the Cringe stole Milfmas") featuring Jim Carrey and directed by the mischievous Ron Howard. Uncover the sticky and pear-shaped mysteries of Whos, as we reveal Ron Howard's 6-hour makeup torture on Jim Carrey. We argue that Carrey's Grinch, a furry fusion of the Mask and Ace Ventura, turns Dr. Seuss into a confusing mix of fudge, ass-closeups, and boomer humor—much to Sarah's dismay and the revelation of the true meaning of Cringemass. Hold tight to your eggnog hats as we delve into Martha May Who's iconic furry awakening, adding a layer of bizarre brilliance to this holiday masterpiece. Digressions include Scooby Doo's butthole, whoville mating ritual theories, and Batman Returns.

Hop in the way way back machine with Paragon Marathon! This week, we're tackling the oldest story civilization has, The Epic of Gilgamesh. Join us to learn of the ancient king, He who saw the deep, revel in the wisdom and the super-jacked, bro'd up wrestlemania he found along the way. Contained within these clay-fired podcast-tablets; mythical sex marathons, copious cubit conundrums, and the self-actualizing contentment that comes from accepting your inevitable demise.

Get ready for a frightening vore-ay into Tom, Dan and Sarah's deepest fears! (Please do not use them against us). This episode, we point our shaking flashlights at the mysteries of darkness and the unknown, slither into the world of snakes, and dish on the fear of being eaten, bone-in or chewed. Join us as we uncover the origins of these fears, comparing the concept of horror vs terror with "Jaws" (1975) and "Deep Blue Sea" (1999), "Nope" (2022), and "The Monkey's Paw" by WW Jacobs (among a few other terrifying texts). Listener beware: you're in for a scare(d trio of dorks).

Operation GOODBYE-HELLO-GOODBYE is a go: All Paragons report to Marathons.

Welcome to the Paragon Marathon Season 1 Finale and Retrospective! Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as they reflect on their time podcasting together over the past two years, and make plans to return to the world of Literature, Mythology and Pop Culture after a much-needed break. Contained within: Mario noises, Canonical Shreks, and Dan's Dune Den. Thank you for listening along with us!

MOVIE NIGHT! Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as they YIPPEE-WAHOO their way through the 1993 cult classic and misunderstood masterpiece, "Super Mario Bros." The inscrutable decisions of a string of troubled directors are put under the patented Marathon Microscope as the team discusses the exact kind of stuff you'd expect in a Mario movie: cyberpunk dystopias, fascist police, and copious amounts of (alleged) on-set drinking. Bob Hoskins and Jon Leguizuigi easily manage to steal our hearts, but can the indulgent dinosaur fantasy of the Koopa Kingdom hold up after a full thirty years? Contained within: why men are dogs, twink meat Luigizamo, and motorboat subterfuge. (YAHOO!)

MOVIE NIGHT! Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as they seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade in the 1993 sequel-masterpiece, "Addams Family Values!" Strap yourself in for a delightful exploration of 90s nostalgia, goth origins, and a criminally underrated satire of the conservative status quo. The marathon runs the well-trod path of Gomez and Morticia's unapologetically loving and enthusiastic partnership, (relationship goals? more like CREMATION-ship GHOULS) before getting into a serious examination of Cusacks on this week's "Cusack Corner." Contained within: Michael Jackson Mysteries, failed Nanaimo Magicians, and the Lost Sumerian Dog-Bar joke.

We're back with Part 2 of our deep dive into the Earthsea Archipelago. (We hit a COVID snag last month--sorry for the delay!) Join Tom, Dan, and Sarah as they discuss the main themes of the first three books in Ursula Le Guin's opus before ending with a conversation on the author's changing views of feminist fantasy through "Tehanu," the fourth novel in the series (and one of the best fantasy novels ever written). The discussion this week focuses on comparing Le Guin's concise storytelling to other well-worn fantasy tropes, (aka "commodified fantasy") and unpacking the impact of a bildungsroman where violence and power aren't the be-all-end-all. Contained within: ageless Rudds and Ruffalos, permanent hallucinogenic trances, and the wind waker music again because it's too good.

Only in silence the word, Only in dark the light. Only in an oversaturated YA Fantasy market, the ascension of a talentless loser like J.K. Rowling. Join Tom, Dan, and Sarah in the first part of their exploration of Ursula K. Leguin’s fantasy opus, “A Wizard of Earthsea.” Striking out from Gont Port into the seas of the Archipelago, the intrepid siblings navigate serene straits of functioning magical metaphor, but also brave the deluge of discourse with a quiz examining the history of wizard schools in fantasy canon. This episode gives an overview of Leguin’s life and background before explaining the foundational aspects of the Earthsea novels, setting up for a look at The Tombs of Atuan, The Farthest Shore, and Tehanu in Part 2. Contained within: boy wizard intellectual theft, weed grandma thinks celibacy is for dorks, wind waking, and literally hitting the griddy.

MOVIE NIGHT! Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as they embark on a voyage through the North Atlantic and the hearts of millions. The exploration of good ol' Jimmy Cameron's back catalogue continues with 1997's "Titanic," inheritor of a proud disaster movie lineage and unknowing herald of a decade of "Downton Abbey." After recontextualizing the spritely Fabrizio's uncanny accent as a product of our ancient narrator's Edwardian prejudices, we finally get down to the serious business of making our own luck with the real Billy Zane. That, and a whole lot of well-deserved Winslet worship. Contained within: light-hearted PCP pranks, the token DiCaprio Squawk, and Animorphs spoilers. Lights, Cameron, Action!

January twenty-fifth, Dan's podcast diary continued: Began recounting the tale of Bram Stoker's Dracula. First, I administered a quiz to my intrepid sibling co-hosts Sarah and Tom, regarding that most sinister and infamous real-estate mogul, Count Dracula. As a university-trained vampire hunter, I am the most qualified to guide them through this 1897 classic, and best guard them against the hornier deviations from Francis Ford Coppola's film "adaption." Please find within, a broad discussion of vampire powers, their weaknesses, and their continued prevelance in pop culture. My account ends here, dear reader. For like the devious Count, I, too, have been slain by a cowboy.

MOVIE NIGHT! Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as they dodge-roll their way through 1999's "The Mummy!" After briefly pontificating on the nature of old-school remakes, the Marathon puzzles over the nature of an Old-Testament-Powered Imhotep, seemingly at odds with the very literal Anubis who suddenly appears to whip ass in the finale. Mostly, this episode is about gushing over the pulp-action classic that brought us actually-charming video game protagonist Rick O'Connell (Brendan Fraser), iconically loveable action librarian Evie Carnahan (Rachel Weisz), and, of course, BENI (Beni). Contained within: the torment of glasses guy, "my daddy loved Egypt so much he married it," scarab Eva-pilots, and the incomparable Billy Zane's finest performance.

Who is to say that the Cardinal Sin must be Cardinal forever? Join Tom, Dan, and Sarah as they grow eyes on the inside in an attempt to understand the boundless vision of Hidetaka Miyazaki's "Soulslike" games, before changing gears for a deep-dive into the religion-infused indie marvel management game, "Cult of the Lamb." Be prepared for some discussion of apocalypse, some reckoning with the nature of virtual worlds, and some truly maidenless behaviour. Contained within: Uncle Junior loves eatin' poop, random-number-Jesus, and the Great Dark Throne of the Pope.

What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! Join Tom, Dan, and Sarah in an exploration of Religion in Video Games. After some discussion on the nature of play, escapism, and the literary bonafides of video games as a medium, the Marathon cruises through a quiz on some famous depictions of myth and religion in games. After that, it's time for some analysis of literary apocalypse, and how "belief" (or "faith?") is a factor any time a player interacts with a created virtual world. Contained within: Republican hate-fantasies, Good Saint MissingNo., Jordan Peterson vs. Richter Belmont, and best friends getting together to attack and dethrone God.

MOVIE NIGHT! Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as they tear open the past and realize that Goofy contains the essence of their entire personalities. This week we're watching the 1995 Disney B-Team classic, "A Goofy Movie!" After taking another run at the Furry Agenda, the marathon simmers in the delicious nostalgic stew of this Father-Son bonding vacation adventure. Featuring the iconic bops of Powerline alongside traditional musical fare, this one definitely earns its place in the Disney-Banger-Rotation. Contained within: Lion bedroom eyes, Kingdom Hearts lore, and whatever we called incels in the 90s.

We did it; we did the mash. Join Tomb, Dankenstein, and Scare-ah on a special tour of mythic and modern monsters. After a brief meditation on scary stories and Horror movies, the marathoners run for their lives through monster tales from Greek, Japanese, Cree and Celtic mythology. Also featured are some monstrous figures from modern stories and legends, including the Alzabo from Gene Wolfe's Book of the New Sun, and the infamous Pale Man from Guillermo Del Toro's fantasy masterpiece, Pan's Labyrinth. Contained within: getting bodied by a gadfly, wildly violent defecation, Ickybod Clay, Gabba-Ghouls, and asking tough questions like "Is it a sin to do karate with a bong?"

MOVIE NIGHT! Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as they travel back in time to humanity's simple, idyllic origins: 1950s-style American capitalism, but it's cavemen in dinosaur-times. That's right, this week we're watching the 1994 boomer-nostalgia classic, "The Flintstones." The marathon engages in a Socratic Dialogue on whether Fred Flintstone is a hero of the working people or a neoliberal golem before going down the list of horrific and beautiful Jim Henson working-monsters that fill the colourful and terrifying world of Bedrock. Included within: shrieking garbage disposals, honeymoonery, and all manner of sweaty, himbo-adjacent Goodmans.

Hear me heathens, and wizards, and serpents of sin: all your dastardly doings are paaast! Now a holy endeavour is about to begin, when you listen to this podcaaast!

Join Tom, Dan, and Sarah in a surprisingly musical exploration of Cervantes' 17th century adventure, "Don Quixote." Beginning with an overview and a patented Paragon Marathon Quizzy, Dan takes the siblings through Cervantes' intentions and perspective in putting together his literary triumph. They discuss the Chivalric Romance--both as a genre worthy of imitation and a played-out source of early-modern cliches--and its place in literary history, and in the imaginations of avid readers, like our Man of La Mancha. Contained within: potions of bodily eruption, exasparated Sanchos, and the Sopranos finale is great, actually.

Whithersoever they blow, onward to glory we go!

MOVIE NIGHT! Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as they survive the intro wars and cast their minds forward to that far off day in 1997 when Skynet saw fit to deal humanity its killing blow; that's right, they're watching James Cameron's incomparable action sci-fi classic, Terminator 2! Beyond heaping accolades on Cameron's subtle, revealing, immaculately-tuned writing and trading undeniably flawless Schwarzenegger impressions, the Marathon finds time for general sci-fi musing and Skynet simping while reminiscing on this 90s action staple. Included within: laboured breathing, desperate paperclip dexterity, eight-year-old narcs, and fawning over goo-cop.

You don't need to Shout at the Devil, he's right here. God.

Join Tom, Dan, and Sarah as they are eternally chewed in the triple-mawed jaws of the Damned One in the deepest circle of Hell. Continuing from their exploration of Satan's Origins and a devilish quiz on Demonic monikers in Part One, the Marathon sprints through Dante so as to take a more luxurious pace through Milton's "Paradise Lost," struck as they are by the tantalizingly tortured yearning of the goth Rebel Angel. Contained within: infantile evangelical morality, Eve being done dirty, Faust's Cleopatra waifu, and, uh... South Park. Hail Satan!

The greatest trick the devil ever played was getting you to listen to this podcast episode. Join Tom, Dan, and Sarah as they blunder right into the Evil One’s hands by talking about the origins of Satan as a literary figure, legendary mythic adversary, and embodiment of evil. Beginning with some origins in the Hebrew Bible and moving quickly into some apocryphal texts and medieval reinterpretations, the Marathon dashes through the writings of the Second Temple period and the various takes by the Early Christian movement before getting bogged down in a devilish quiz about the many, MANY names the Prince of Darkness has gone by in his day. Contained within: snakes of many sizes (some rideable, some not), possible Gorilla Redeemers, and high-stakes fiddlin

MOVIE NIGHT! Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as they travel to the far of world of a completely historically accurate England in 984 AD; that's right, they're watching 1996's "DragonHeart!" Dennis Quaid proves once again that he has absolutely no business acting in anything as he drags down real fantasy names like Pete Postlethwaite and Sean Connery in this CG-heavy mid-90s adventure film about a humble dragon and his noble heart. Included within: placement on the slime spectrum, extensive Sean Connery impressions, and the origins of Dragon Heaven.

Do you know what the Sanskrit word for "war" means?  Join Tom, Dan, and Sarah as they unpack the philological puzzles of "Arrival" (and the Ted Chiang short story it's based on) and address the deeply human desire for more cows. Beginning with an examination of what may be the best sci-fi film of the last decade, the Marathon uses this text as a jumping-off point for a discussion of how language affects our perception of reality, and how humans are defined (or inhibited) by the systems of communication they create! Contained within is an unqualified look at spacetime and non-linear perception, canaries, the quaint 2016 version of alt-right dorks, and some bizarre Scandinavian etymology.

MOVIE NIGHT! Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as they sneak a peek into the (pig’s) ball-room to cover 2005s “Pride and Prejudice." Kiera Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen take the RomCom back to it’s gilded roots, giving us the original tsundere couple. Featuring a jam-packed cast of England's finest, (and Donald Sutherland giving us the distant father with a heart of gold we go bug-wild over) Pride & Prejudice gives us the burn and yearn and the historical decadence we CRAVE. Digressions include mummies, Kate & Leopold, and pig anatomy (see: balls). It's going to be 2 Proud 2 Prejudice. 

HWAET! Gather close that ye might hearken, dear listeners, to the story of the original Geat GOAT, the wily and worldly Honey Bear himself, Beowulf! Join Tom, Dan, and Sarah on a literary quest through dusty Anglo-Saxon tomes as they explore the Old English legend of the titular hero’s quest to beat mega monster ass and earn eternal renown. Contained within is a discussion of the source text and its various versions, a Kenning Quiz for the ages, and a fearful look at the waking nightmare that was Robert Zemeckis’ 2007 Uncanny Valley monstrosity, AKA “Shrek 5.” Beware, for here be dragons.

MOVIE NIGHT! Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as they unearth the TRUE origins of Smash Mouth's "All Star" in 1999's "Mystery Men." Turns out Ben Stiller, Hank Azaria and William H. Macy were deconstructing superheroes long before multiverses, The Boys, and... (looks around) these flavourless, unremarkable Marvel movies! Featuring a remarkable cast of 90s powerhouses, a bizarre and unexplained cyberpunk-suburban setting, and one of the greatest Geoffrey Rush performances of all time, this movie is a genuine banger that served up some disturbingly accurate pop-culture Nostradamusry. But hey, we'll FORK-give you if you FORK-got.

The Journey continues on disc 2: Join Tom, Dan and Sarah in part two of their Tolkien bonanza as they move onto a discussion of Tolkien's Warrior-Hero, male tears in film, and the possibility that it might not be Arwen and Aragorn who are Beren and Luthien come again. Also included: some discussion of the social criticism circling Tolkien's work, some of Peter Jackson's more... alarming choices, and a little Fatty Lumpkin lore. Don't say we have come now to the end; white shores are calling, you and I will meet again.

We’re taking the hobbits to Isengard: Join Tom, Dan, and Sarah in part one of a marathon analysis of J.R.R. Tolkien’s “The Lord of the Rings,” along with a broad look at Tolkien’s life, philosophy and the companion texts that build out the LotR universe. In the first part of our analysis, we examine the creation story and some Silmarillion background before embarking on the dank adventures of Loado Bongins and his faithful servant Spliffwise Ganjee on their perilous road too Mordor. Peter Jackson’s trilogy did Frodo dirty, so some Baggins rep rehab is in order, along with a look at what heroism meant to someone like Tolkien. Hey! Come merry dol! derry dol! My darlings!

MOVIE NIGHT! Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as they put on their Edgar Suits and watch the 1997 classic "Men in Black" in an attempt to feel at peace in a chaotic universe. Featuring the diverse talents of beloved actors like Will Smith and Tomas Leeroy Joins, this sci-fi comedy classic would set the tone for the 2000s moviegoing experience through its liberal application of CG aliens, dead-eyed bureaucracy, and, of course, people getting SLIMED.

Hey tall, dark and handsome; let’s have another cup off coffee, let's have another piece of pie. It’s time to discuss one of the most beautiful and complex series on television: Mad Men. Join Tom, Dan, and Sarah in their focus group on Don Draper, Impostor-King of Madison Avenue, and the Anti-Hero phenomenon. Digressions include seccret-best-character Pete Campbell, tears for sweet Peggy, and other assorted gushing. It’s toasted!

MOVIE NIGHT! Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as they watch the beloved Coen Bros. film "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" (2000) and come to grips with the fact that they just can't escape the Homeric Orbit. Join us as we discuss the film's vivid mythic action, whether or not this movie's a musical, (it is), and share our finest Tim Blake Nelson impressions.

Tell us, O Muse, of a particularly complicated Ithacan. The Marathon takes a jog through Homer's "Odyssey," one of the oldest texts in the Western canon; Tom, Dan, and Sarah, armed with a few decades of pop-culture connections and some modern, less-stuffy-than-most translations of the 3,000+-year-old-poem, find a way to cram in discussions of crypto, mom-guilt, and of course, Super Mario (wahoo!). Alongside these key topics you'll find discussion of the Odyssey's dynamic structure, its influence on modern stories, and the unavoidable Homeric intertextuality storytellers have been dealing with for a few millennia. Greece is the word!

MOVIE NIGHT! Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as they find their happy thought and/or marbles through a deranged viewing and discussion of Steven Spielberg's criminally underrated classic, "Hook" (1991). Found within: Julius Robert's idiosyncratic Tinkerbell, Thud Butt Cheese, and the inescapable power of Dustin Hoffman's eyebrows.

Serf's up milords! Join your sibling hosts on the marathon as they follow King Arthur into the mists of Avalon for the conclusion to the Arthur Mythos and a deep dive into the story of Gawain and the Green Knight. Fasten your seatbelts (and don't cum on them); this is a wild ride into surrealist Arthuriana.

Hail, milord! Fall in with the Marathon as it bounds across the shimmering fields and glittering spires of Camelot while Tom, Dan and Sarah take a closer look at the stories of Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. In Part One we take a look at the origins of the pseudo-historical Arthur, and try to reckon with some of the more well-known tales of this great Warrior-King, Bringer of Peace, and world's Most Famous Cuck. We discuss the ideas of Chivalry and Courtly Love, as well as broom-legged dudes, the goblin economy, and the morality of carts. So come, marathoners: learn at our feet as a kid in King Arthur's Court.

MOVIE NIGHT! Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as they come to terms with their entire sense of humour and identity, and discuss Jim Carrey's "The Mask (1994)". We discuss the power of Cuban Pete, the brief swing resurgence of the 90s, and learn that "we all wear masks" (thanks Ben Stein). 

Keelah se'lai! The Marathon hits the relay and (finally) moves into the sphere of video games as Tom, Dan and Sarah discuss the influential "Mass Effect" series, chronicling the exploits of player-hero Shepard's attempts to navigate the tough decisions of galaxy-saving. Is submission not preferable to extinction? Discussions of narrative mechanics, romance, sci-fi tropes, and character-building in a player-paced story await within.

MOVIE NIGHT! Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as they deny the world and retreat into the icy holiday nostalgia of "Batman Returns!" This is Movie Club #1, and we've got the absolute hottest 29-year-old takes on Tim Burton's bizarre origins for the Dark Knight.

The worm has (re)turned. Join Tom, Dan & Sarah as they return to Paul Atreides, deep in the deserts of Arrakis in a full-on sprint to Messiahdom. Dan will guide us through the second half of the original "Dune" story, and we'll explore some of the themes from the subsequent novels. Also included: hot trailer-based takes on the new movie, and a preview of some of the Paragon Plans we've got cookin'. The marathon is back on like Dune-key Kong.

Join Tom, Dan & Sarah on a trek through Arrakis; desert planet in the Dune-iverse. Paul Atreides is a Cambellian hero's journey wet dream. Find out what author Frank Herbert thinks about eugenics, religious destinies, and psychedelic drugs (spoiler, he's a fan of the last one). Let the spice–and this episode–flow. 

We're back! This week Tom, Dan and Sarah discuss one of our favourite heroines and all around baddy Imperator Furiosa of Mad Max Fury Road. We cover George Miller's fascination with necropolitics, how to tastefully present trauma, and how to have more than one female character in an action movie (it IS possible). Digressions include vulvas, babe pig in the city, and Rictus Erectus impressions. 

This week Tom, Dan and Sarah end Jesus, unfortunately. Covering the BRUTAL crucifixion, Christ's western pop culture influence, and just how far this story is coded into our media. Topics include how bad Mel Gibson sucks, spiders, and the ever dangerous nationalism of Captain America.

This week in honour of Easter, Tom, Dan & Sarah do the brave and controversial deed of discussing the heroic impact of the story of Christ. They argue that the Christ story impacts almost every hero's journey in western media (superman), and how it can be altered for different theological/political goals. Digressions include the problematic Mel Gibson, Cool Dan, and why Jesus absolutely fought dragons. 

This week Tom, Dan, and Sarah take on Cartoon Network's Steven Universe + Steven Universe Future. They cover young Steven's heroic rise, and his unraveling in the epilogue series. Steven Universe is seriously one of the coolest world builds of any cartoon. Topics include the importance of representation in young adult media, psychological representation, and the impact of compassion in heroism. Get ready for laughs, cries, and big space-goddess thighs. 

Join Tom, Dan, and Sarah discussing the serialization of the man, the myth, the legend, Thor! Dan takes us through the comic themes and changes to the character of Thor by Marvel. We digress discussing the merits of stories that have no ending, why empathy should be a thing, and why heroes and why Peter Parker doesn't explode people with his powerful thighs. 

Tom, Dan & Sarah examine the classic Scandinavian Norse mythic hero & all around himbo Thor. Digressions include Jesus (of course), why loki is SO MEAN, and why Gandalf is Odin. 

Today's episode covers Buffy the Vampire slayer and the rest of the Scoob gang, and how a young kick ass girl inspired diverse feminist heroes that can wear heals and kick ass between class. Dan and Sarah explore the need for women in heroic stories, and how Joss Whedon loves to make characters and his fans suffer.

Dan and Sarah take a really really hard look at Shrek, and learn about the bravery of love.