Paws and Reflect

'Tis the season for holiday family time! We talk about how it can be (counterintuitively) harder to advocate for our dogs around loved ones than strangers, that it's okay to focus on humans-only activities sometimes, what our visits have looked like lately, and my very best advice for anyone who gets overwhelmed at social gatherings 🚐😉

Related links:

Sean and I sit down to talk about the ways I've struggled with ego, self-righteousness, and external opinions in life with Scout, including where I think the pressure came from initially. I feel more confident about our life together today than ever before — but wow, has it been a journey to get here.

Some blog posts that address similar topics:

Probably one of our least organized episodes to date (yes, that says something haha...) BUT Sean and I finally recorded another podcast!

We reflect on our recent visit to New York City with Scout. Urban dogs & their people face so many challenges every day — it made me think about how adaptable our companions can be, how much work goes into taking good care of a canine in a city, how our environments affect our training goals & choices, and how different our life with Scout might have looked if we lived in a place like that full time.

Related links:

Haley and Sean sit down to talk about fulfillment, a topic inspired by a very kind listener in a podcast review. We discuss what biological fulfillment means to us, what it does for us & Scout, how we try to find activities that fulfill our cattle dog, and a bit on how we conceptualize our human fulfillment too.

Related blog links:

Sean and Haley sit down to record a podcast for the first time in a while after several weeks of transition. We're officially living full time in our converted van, Hermes! We talk about our first impressions of van life (we absolutely love it so far); how the small space has changed (and not changed) certain parts of our lives; Scout's fulfillment, confidence, and overall routine being on the road; what it's like to leave her alone in the van when we go somewhere that isn't dog-friendly; and a final summary "pros and cons" list.

More about our van life plans and experience so far:

Largely inspired by our recent experiences fostering, Sean and Haley sit down to talk about how every dog is an individual even within a single breed or home or other group.

While domestic dogs do share many overarching traits, they also each bring their own quirks and preferences to the table. When we make space for that, it can be so fascinating and fun. When we get caught up in expecting all dogs to be a certain way, though (often subconsciously) we can set ourselves up for disappointment, resentment, or unnecessary conflict.

Related links:

Sean and Haley are a little tired and frazzled today after some busy weeks... but we sit down to talk about our current foster dog, a seven-month-old puppy with a broken leg, and the emotional rollercoaster we've lived since picking her up on Monday morning.

We cover: a brief overview of Mystic's condition and what's made this situation challenging, that it's okay to have big emotions and struggle with things (yes, even if you're a self-proclaimed dog person with high standards!), that I've never been more thankful for the strength of my relationships with both Sean and Scout, how we've tried to process our feelings to stay connected as a team, and some logistics of this foster experience overall. Complete with a few other rambles, of course — and gushing about how much we really do love this little dog even if she's given us a run for our money.

Related links:

Sean and Haley talk about social / observational learning with our dogs, how incredibly COOL and worthwhile those concepts are to explore, and also how they can fit into advocating for our pets. (Sometimes "showing our dog a person / dog / situation is okay" and "advocating for our dog" might sound contradictory, especially if we hear extreme statements at far ends of either spectrum, but they aren't mutually exclusive!)

Some specific books that inspired these thoughts:

• Dog is Love by Clive Wynne
• The Genius of Dogs by Brian Hare and Vanessa Woods
• Dog Sense by John Bradshaw
• (Highly recommend reading the actual studies discussed for more context; all three of the above titles have nicely organized reference sections specific to dogs)
• Are We Smart Enough to Know How Smart Animals Are by Frans de Waal

Some related links:

Our van conversion will be finished in just three months! Sean and I sat down to answer some commonly asked questions about our choice to live in a van full-time along with a few build details.

We go over:

• Why do we want to pursue van life in the first place?
• Why go through a conversion company for our build insteading of converting a van ourselves?
• Why buy our house a year and a half ago, and why sell it now?
• Why a Promaster?
• How is the van temperature controlled?
• How else have we set the van up with Scout in mind?
• Why include a shower?
• How does internet work?
• What are we most looking forward to?
• What are we most nervous about?

Related links:

Sean and Haley talk about balancing work, dog ownership, and other responsibilities with self care and messy emotions — specifically in the context of working from home.

It's been easy for me to feel like a remote work schedule should automatically mean my days are more productive (I don't have a commute to drain my time, I'm with Scout for more of the day so can fit in short frequent play sessions, etc) especially now that I've gone out on my own with a more flexible schedule. On the one hand? I absolutely do want to make sure I use my time wisely and don't take these opportunities for granted! On the other? My own fulfillment and rest are as important as ever. I don't need to constantly self-sacrifice in order to "deserve" the good things in life, and there is no shame in taking time for myself.

Some related links:

Sean and Haley talk about embracing the mythical magic of our relationship with Scout (how incredible is it that we harmoniously share life with a creature of a whole different species?!) while also staying rooted in an accurate perception of what makes our cattle dog, well, a dog.

Sometimes we see animal lovers delving into "folk nonsense" and expecting unfair things from their companions (or creating potentially dangerous situations by assuming our pets automatically understand societal norms, illnesses, or so on in ways they actually might not). On the other hand, we also see trainers try to dismiss the potential depth of connection between dog and owner in favor of a more robotic or negative view of our pets. I personally think the healthiest approach is one in between!

Books mentioned:

• For the Love of a Dog by Patricia McConnell (the first I read this past week)
• Dog Sense by John Bradshaw (the second I read this past week)
• Are We Smart Enough to Know How Smart Animals Are by Frans de Waal (I just can't stop talking about this one!)
• Dog is Love by Clive Wynne (apparently I also can't stop talking about this one...)

Some related blog articles:

Sean and Haley sit down to chat through some dog ownership myths and generalizations that have personally affected life with Scout. I've felt a lot of internal conflict on different topics, especially in my first year with her — and across-the-board, contradictory statements from different trainers and friends and family members fueled much of that turmoil.

We talk about:

• The false idea that "good dogs have to love other dogs and people"
• It's not "all in how you raise them" and the nuance of nature & nurture working together
• How rehoming is sometimes the best option for everyone involved
• Potentially hurtful statements like "your dog won’t have behavioral problems if.... you’re a good enough leader, they trust you, etc" that put all the onus on us humans (who are trying our best and already feel plenty overwhelmed & insecure)
• Similarly, advice like "if you’re calm your dog will be calm" and variations of "just don’t make a big deal out of things"
• The classic dogs on the furniture debate and a bit about our understanding of dominance
• That "you shouldn’t comfort your dog when they’re scared"
• If taking our dogs on a daily walk is the end all be all and generalizations about exercise

Some related links and references:

A while ago I answered an "ask me anything" question on our Instagram story saying that no, Sean and I do not want human kids. I was completely floored at the number of messages — and diversity of responses — I received. So Sean and I sat down to dig into the topic further! We explore ways that dogs and kids do feel very similar to us, ways they're different, if having Scout fills the "role" of a kid for us at all, and some other nuance along the way.

Some links:

Sean and Haley try to distill a massive topic into an hour of conversation: how our training has evolved over time with Scout and whether or not we regret things we did in the past. This topic was initially inspired by someone on Instagram asking us to discuss guilt about previous training methods and snowballed into an attempt to (at least at a high level) reflect on our journey over time.

There's a lot to unpack! So many confounding variables. Lots of emotions, too. But above all, we're happy about life with Scout today — and that means a lot to us.

Sean and Haley sit down to talk about relationships. We briefly touch on our history as a couple (I adopted Scout when we'd been dating for 4-5 months and she was just "my" dog at first), discuss things that went well and things we struggled with as we came to own Scout together, and make multiple connections between dog-human and human-human relationships throughout. At the end I share my very favorite (and rather morbid) way to alleviate feelings of frustration with the creatures I love.

Drumroll for an official Paws and Reflect podcast! This first episode is a quick introduction to Haley and Sean, our cattle dog Scout, and how we came to be recording a podcast episode instead of just doing Instagram lives.