PewTime Tales

Today's episode has been provided in part by: "was this supposed to get published last week or this week?" That phrase ("provided in part by") has always confused me, mostly because they never say who provided the other part. To put your mind at ease, I'll tell you who provided the other part of this episode: "wait, what day is it?" For some reason, I habitually lose a day during my week.  

In light of the tragic events in Afghanistan, I cannot help but draw certain parallels from these chapters because I feel as though the overall subject being discussed in them continues to reflect many people's sentiment to this day. I believe, although I cannot say for certain, that the subject matter in these chapters as well as the stereotypes, were the author's attempt to point out how unaffected people could casually dismiss the people of those countries and the hardships they were (and still are) facing.

Or he could have been creating a wildly ludicrous situation (inspired by the events of that year) that fit the insanity of the plot, he is, after all, the world's leading exponent of far fetched fiction. It is also quite possible that he was having writer's block, fell asleep during tea time, and Barry the Time Sprout whispered these chapters, along with the remainder of the book, to him.   

So, I ask you to please keep in mind that this book was published during a time when attitudes and understandings were much different then they are today. I'm trying not to spoil the ending, so all I can say is the remainder of the book should not be judged based on these chapters.

Guys, guess what?! It's here. It's Wednesday and the episode is here. 

Audio provided by a large, empty lobby in conjunction with an air conditioner and a squeaky chair. Editing brought to you by Audacity (no, seriously that's the name of the new software I'm using).

See, what ha-happened was...

I had to re-edit this episode five, yes FIVE times. There were some serious issues with the program I was using. After the first two times, I had to take a break because I was getting really angry; repeat for the following two times. I had decided that if the fifth time didn't work, I was just going to post it completely unedited (burps, long pauses, weird mouth noises, dysfunctional pronunciations, and all) because I hated everything; I didn't want to finish doing this, but I cannot leave a book unread! So, I found a different software to edit with and TA-FREAKING-DA, it worked! Here are the long awaited chapters. FYI energy drinks do not solve dry-mouth noises and the new software is weird. 

Special thanks to me. That's right, thank you me for not throwing my laptop across the room and for seeing this episode through.

Sorry for the release delay. I'm currently dealing with stuffs of a personal nature. But here it is, finally, in all of its amateurly created glory! 

*I am terribly sorry that the end of chapter 33 got cut off. I went through and fixed it on the last episode, but I have also added it to the beginning of this one.*

This episode has been brought to you a day late because of the holiday. And not at all because I got caught up in a really good podcast and spent the last three days binging it. Nope. It's absolutely late because of the holiday. Editing and audio have provided.

This episode has been brought to you. Editing has been provided. Audio is included. 

Tell your earholes I said, "you're welcome."

This episode has been brought to you by many distractions. The audio for chapter 28 was brought to you by a large, empty lobby; chapters 29 and 30 were brought to you by a comfortable couch, sitting in an uncomfortable position upon said comfortable couch, and the occasional sleep sounds of my dog. Editing was provided by different rooms in conjunction with a different dog demanding belly rubs no matter where I was or what I was doing. Special thanks to the dude on Tiktok who chose to post his "squeshly freezed orange juice" brain malfunction for the entire internet to enjoy.

This episode is the bane of my existence; I've had a perpetual migraine from the moment I started editing it. And re-editing it. And starting over. And editing it. And re-editing it. Over and over and over....

I don't want to talk about it.

I hope this works. If not, I'll start this episode from scratch. Or write a strongly worded letter to the creator of the website I'm using. Or murder someone, for legal reasons, that's a joke; what isn't a joke is my intense dislike for the dysfunctionality of editing this episode.

I don't want to talk about it.

The lateness of this episode has been brought to you by technical difficulties in conjunction with threats of a violent nature to the laptop. Audio was provided, in part, by an awkward sitting position and tummy rumbling. Editing was created by, I'm so over this, and the realization that the internet connection works poorly between the hours of 1a and 4:30a. If someone could explain that phenomena to me, it would be much appreciated. 

This episode has been brought to you by a mystery in association with questions such as, "why is my computer so slow", "is there something wrong with the internet connection", and "which technical bits are the ones causing me technical difficulties". So, basically, technical difficulties with the only mystery being how to fix the problem. Audio was provided in part by: a loud airplane, an even louder heating vent, and the shuffling of blankets. Editing was provided by excessive annoyance, stress, and a slew of curse words.

This episode release can be considered either early or late, depending on how you look at it. Thanks for your patience; we will return to our irregularly programmed schedule this week.

Audio for this episode was provided by a bedroom and includes perfectly timed snores from my dog (between you and me, I think she did it on purpose). Editing was done by willpower with assistance from intermittent naps, ibuprofen, and my couch. 

Please note: 'PC' means police constable and 'Taken With Out Consent' is spelled as TWOCed/TWOCing/etc

This episode was brought to you by incredibly poor planning in conjunction with shoddy internet connection and too much stress. Audio was presented to you by a work in progress pillow fort. Editing was created by mass amounts of frustration with assistance from various kitchen surfaces (none of which happened to be a table). Special thanks to celery and peanut butter.

FYI it is the Air Loom Gang, not the heirloom gang. What an absurd name, heirloom gang, no one would take them seriously; but the Air Loom Gang, now that's a name that means serious business!

This episode has been brought to you by better time management. Audio includes dog snores, a rather loud tummy rumble, and some rude birds. Editing was done by a weird sitting position, in association with a numb bum and left leg.

This episode is brought to you by loosing track of time in association with, never knowing what day it is. Audio is courtesy of a large, empty lobby; also including speaking directly into the mic on the phone instead of using a headset. Editing was created by distractions with the help of people being loud, and someone replacing a doorknob. Special thanks to my will power, you know what you did.

Chapter 6 (page 32) references a very specific character from a very specific book written by Ken Kesey in 1962. A reimagining of the title of that very specific book can be found in Chapter 2 (on page 9).

This episode is courtesy of an untimely fashion, in association with an accidental deletion. Audio for this episode was created by: 4x5 foot bathroom, with additional help from a heating vent. Editing for this episode was provided by: a slight hangover in conjunction with sleep deprivation. Special thanks to a specific brand of coffee.