Reset With Renee
By Reset With Renee
Everyone is welcome here to learn how to live, lead, & love with a whole heart! We sometimes need to unlearn what we've been taught & identify new ways of meeting needs for ourselves & in our relationships with others. I especially invite CPTSD & Narcissistic Abuse Survivors and other "adult children" (ACOAs) who often long to find relief & resources to recover & reclaim their mind, heart, body, & spirit. We all deserve to be whole, healthy, joyful, purposeful, & connected.
Relationship Reset: Needs & Wounds
RESOURCES MENTIONED: 1. Prepare Enrich Couples Assessment: https://www.prepare-enrich.com/couples/why-prepare-enrich/ --Preparation, Enrichment, Restoration --Assess strengths & growth areas with guided support 2. HEAL CLASS (Heal Emotions And Relationship Troubles) by Renee Fleming. Contact for more details. 3. Book - Thawing Childhood Abandonment Issues by Don Carter, MSW, LCSW 4. Work of John Gottman: https://www.gottman.com/ 5. Dr. Mark Hyman Meme IG: “The majority of arguments between couples are around 3 main areas – control & power, care & closeness, and respect & recognition.” SHOW NOTES: Personal & Relational Change is driven by growth/safety or pain/crisis. Underneath most pain is a message/belief/question/fear about “am I loved” and/or “am I enough”? Needs, Wounds, Dreams (for Self, Relationship), & Fears can drive healthy vulnerability/connection or conflict/power struggles. NEEDS: A. Survival Needs = Basic Needs: food shelter, clothing, medical attention, safety & protection. If a child doesn’t feel safe, then they cannot relax & play; disrupts developmental growth. Protective mechanisms will develop for survival & will become an added burden later in life. B. Emotional Dependency Needs = Basic & Primary Needs for Love & Esteem = Time, Attention, Affection, & Direction. WOUNDS from “The Past”: When NEEDS aren’t met and/or something happens or doesn’t happen that should in the absence of support. These wounds HURT & adaptive (defensive, protective, proactive/extreme/reactive) strategies are then developed & repeated. Common Emotional Injuries/Wounds: being controlled, excluded, abandoned, humiliated, neglected, abused, betrayed, rejected, ignored, & disrespected. Suggested Partner Conversation: It might be helpful to discuss with your partner, how your families of origin handled or reacted to each of the main ”primary” emotions: mad, sad, scared, & glad. In other words, what was accepted/encouraged & what was avoided/minimized/shamed? Self-Check: Assess what is overdeveloped, underdeveloped, or appropriately skillful….? #howtohuman #copingversushealing #whathumansdo #gottman #HEART #wholehearted #cptsdrecovery #innerchild #reparenting #emotionalintelligence #relationshiptips #resetwithrenee #relationshipcoach #naturalstatetherapist #showmestatetherapist #connectinside #ifstherapy #narm #IT
January 30, 2023
Episode 10: Renee's Ketamine Experiential & IPI training
TAKE 3 on the KAP podcast recording.... Progress NOT Perfection: some audio & editing issues exist but I wanted to share & move on...! Renee with @ResetWithRenee discusses her KAP (Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy) experience in Boulder at IPI in December 2022 & shares an overview of the year-long IPI training she is completing. @IntegrativePsychiatryInstitute IPI offers a 10-12 month Psychedelic Assisted Therapy (PAT) program that consists of 2 online weekend intensives, weekly learning & meetings, & the in-person, KAP experiential. #resetwithrenee #ipi #kap #pat #healing #mindbody #naturalstatetherapy #showmestatetherapy #coach #ifs
January 04, 2023
Episode 11: What does a RESET mean? 2022 Reflections on Coping versus Healing
What does it mean to 'RESET"? The end of the year is great time to reflect on what to: keep loosen, relax, or let go add to or expand set as intentions for the upcoming year My clients hire me to guide them on their journey when they are invited by life to RESET from "coping" to "healing". It can be hard work (I know) & yet so worth it! A return to your true self allows you to live, love, & lead with a whole heart. I want that for me, for you, & for the world. In this episode, I discuss: coping vs. healing generational evolution developmental needs the importance of self regulation/soothing the importance of attuned co-regulation disorders as starting points to understand how symptoms have evolved from unmet needs & unaddressed wounds how critical it is to have a balanced nervous system & physiology for mental & relational health These are skills you can learn! I invite you to work with me. Email me firstname.lastname@example.org or call 314-276-1680 to schedule your 2023 RESET. As always, you are invited to connect with me on the Reset With Renee socials @Resetwithrenee. Likes, shares, & comments help promote my work to more people & are appreciated:) Let me know what ?s you have that you would like to see more content on in 2023. #resetwithrenee #coach #therapist #podcaster #naturalstatetherapist #showmestatetherapist #generationalhealing #cptsd #recovery #mindbody #ans #polyvagal #relationships #partnering #parenting #connectinside #copingversushealing #wholehearted #newyearintentions #reset
December 29, 2022
Episode 9: Connection & Disconnection AND Attachment & Relationships
BIDS: TOWARDS, AWAY, AGAINST or if not responded to a person will PROTEST. If bids or protest are NOT met: RUPTURE. Repair is needed. Without repair, people LEARN TO DISCONNECT. If this pattern of disconnection becomes habituated people learn: NOT TO TRUST - 1) SELF 2) OTHERS 3) "THE WORLD" This all relates to developed ATTACHMENT STYLE. In the absence of relational repair, a secure attachment style won't be formed. The person will apply the attachment style inwardly & outwardly. DISCONNECTION becomes an adaptive/defense mechanism. Once an adult, INNER CHILD WORK = INNER ATTACHMENT WORK... AS NO ONE IS COMING. Adult relationships = secondary attachment figures; adults need to be responsible (able to respond) to their inner & outer world as needed. TRAUMA ECOSYSTEM = families or environments with poor relational or conflict management skills - may be tricky, traumatic, toxic, dysfunctional. MOTHER/FATHER WOUND = if your parents could not attune to your signals/cues or if there are generational legacies you are carrying, you may find you have unresolved issues with one or both of your parents that drive your behaviors in your present day relationships. REFLECTION: HOW DO YOU TURN TOWARDS YOURSELF & OTHERS? HOW DO YOU TURN AWAY? HOW DO YOU TURN AGAINST? WHERE DO YOU STUMBLE? WHAT COULD CHANGE IF YOU HAD HELP? See IG @resetwithrenee for video: https://www.instagram.com/p/CmIRT3fpakJ/ #resetwithrenee #attachmentstyles #innerchild #healing #relationships #generationalhealing #cptsd #aces #gottman #ifs #narm #holidays #Emotionalintelligence #co-regulating #polyvagal #ans
December 15, 2022
Episode 8: Holidays, Family Dynamics, Generational Differences, Health
Listen to learn how different generations approach mental health. You will learn that connection is the medicine for many physical & mental health challenges. Knowing how do connect from a place of regulation, not reactivity, is key. How do you & your family do with that? Notice with curiosity & compassion (and without judgment) this holiday season...what works well & what results in challenging dynamics &/or behaviors. Reach out to RESET if you want to grow your own ability & capacity. Key points in this episode: Gen X & Boomers orient to being independent & relate internally & externally with "tough love" ... which leaves deficits that get exposed under stress. Millennials & Gen Z have higher rates of mental health challenges & more openness to getting help. NOW is a collective opportunity to assess, address, and pivot towards greater mental, physical, & relational health. Meeting needs proactively & with attunement in the moment = quality caregiving/relating Regulate internally first & from that place provide co-regulation for best results. Understand that problematic behaviors/symptoms are our best attempt at communicating needs & is not something to shame/pathologize. Know that nervous system activation cannot be met with cognitive/rational/"logical" approaches but rather an emotional/relational/somatic/intuitive response (no matter the age or capacity of the person). Coping is not healing; healing is connection. Coping is best for a short term strategy; healing is best for long term outcomes. To sign up for email, see website: www.resetwithrenee.com. To connect, call or text: 314-276-1680 or email: email@example.com Follow @resetwithrenee on FB, Insta, & LinkedIn. Follow, like, & share this episode on Anchor FM, Spotify, or Amazon Music. Thank you for listening & Happy Thanksgiving 2022!
November 22, 2022
Episode 7: Conversation with Jennifer C. Parker, Author of "Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek"
Issues of power & control are threaded throughout the fabric of our relationships & systems. Increasing awareness of the coercive control dynamic is a first step in individual, relational, & collective growth. Safe homes, families, communities, & systems depend upon this collective understanding. Listen to learn more about this relevant topic. Questions posed in our conversation: 1. Can you share with the audience how your experience led you to write this book? 2. Can you highlight for listeners the difference between being empowered & powering over? 3. What do you see as the process of growing in personal power? 4. What would you like people to understand about their role as a friend/bystander/passive accomplice? 5. If someone doesn’t identify as a victim of IPV, can you help the audience understand how this book could be helpful to them in their life/relationships/work/communities? 6. What would you like people to better understand about covert tactics of coercive control? 7. Can you describe the metaphor you use in Part 8 on “How Do I Go Forward”? (germination, fertilizers, transplanting, grieving, nurturing growth). 8. As you promote the book have you had any surprising/unexpected feedback? Author Bio: Jennifer went for a master’s degree in Social Work after her eyes were opened to intimate partner abuse by an internship with a domestic abuse shelter. Her degree included training in working with intimate partner abusers and victims. Jennifer practiced as a mental health therapist for 35 years while also specializing in individual and group work with those who experienced abuse. Since retiring from therapy, she has two missions. She trains therapists in effective therapy for abuse victims. And she markets her book and blog through podcasts and social media. Jennifer wrote Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek to reach both victims and non-victims. She believes widespread understanding of the dynamics of coercive control will promote healing in both intimate relationships and institutions. Coercive Relationships was a finalist in the 2022 Next Generation Indie Book Awards. In her leisure time, Jennifer values time with her children and grandchildren, traveling, reading, making her own cards, and hiking. Contact Info and Links: Jennifer Parker Therapy, Training, & Consultation firstname.lastname@example.org 608-658-8597 Author of Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek Book links: https://linktr.ee/jennifercparkermssw Website: http://jennifercparkermssw.com Blog signup: https://madisonmentalhealthcounselor.com/blog Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JenniferCParkerMSSW Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenniferc.parker/ LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/company/jennifer-parker-therapy-training-consultation/ So glad you are here! Please leave a comment, like, & share with your community. To work with Renee please reach out to RESET! www.resetwithrenee.com Email: email@example.com Call/text: 314-276-1680 Follow the Reset With Renee podcast on Anchor FM, Spotify, & Amazon. Follow Reset with Renee: https://www.linkedin.com/in/renee-fleming-925452b8/ https://www.instagram.com/resetwithrenee/ https://www.facebook.com/ResetwithRenee
November 18, 2022
Episode 6: Living Life from Love - A Conversation with Jason Mark Glasson
In this episode, Renee speaks with Jason Mark Glasson about how he has learned to live from his heart & how he brings his learning & experience to helping others. Currently, Jason works with men who feel a connection to their soul, know they are meant for more, yet find themselves not living a life they truly love. Jason guides them to align head and heart, connect to the wisdom of their higher self and give their gifts to the world. This message is for anybody who wants to live life wholeheartedly. Learn how to deal with common roadblocks such as self criticism & self loathing, feeling lost, and working hard but getting set back. Learn how to RESET & come back to your inner wisdom & connection with all that is. To download your free copy of Jason’s eBook: “Living Life from Love: Authentically Living Your Heart's Truth” (normally $4.99 on Amazon) or to connect with Jason, please visit https://acceptyoureamazing.com. Thank you for showing up & listening! Please follow, leave a review, & share if you like what you hear. Let us know your questions & comments to be discussed in future episodes! #resetwithrenee
November 14, 2022
Episode 5: Weekly Reflection On Relationship skills
Episode 5: WEEKLY SNAPSHOT (10/11/22) 1. Right Relationship 1. Do not Under or Overuse of power 2. Use your voice grounded in your truth 3. With kindness & clarity 4. Without judgment 5. No intensity/drama Really hard for trauma survivors to set boundaries without being critical/too much or under-boundaried 2. Podcasts (see links at bottom) 1. Joe Rogan & Gabor Mate 2. Transforming Trauma NARM Dr. Carrie Griffin -birth & parenting -mom/parent triggers 3. The One Inside – Tara Vogel & Astrology Tool to help you discover you connect to qualities you appreciate & the ones that haven’t been Conscious connection tool Like enneagram – helps to see parts & create more space around that 4. We Can Do Hard things - Carefrontation a. For the relationship b. In service of relationship c. Good intention d. Absent of criticism 3. Attunement (developed CPTSD, introverted/HSP mom) Mean Dementia Our primary thinking system is our INTUITIVE THINKING SKILLS It provides us with broad & unfiltered data that our rational thinking skills sort to help us make sense of the world around us. Without our intuitive thinking skills, our rational thinking skills would have nothing to work with & we could not function. Intuitive skills Using 5 senses Feeling your own feelings Seeing other people’s feelings Enjoying beauty Introverted Mom article on FB(?) -validating for introvert/HSP parent where parenting roles/duties prompt stress & challenge balance; strength is paying attention to others & inside; manage the environment Both are needed for older folks, younger folks, & everyone in between 4. FEELINGS Feeling grief = feeling love/joy Otherness – hurtful & shame inducing 5. WORDS Pleasure without pressure (hell yes) Instead of “doing to”- “how can I be with” Hope you found something in this that interests you for your own personal & relationship development. To schedule a consultation, coaching, or therapy appointment call/text Renee at 314-276-1680 or email: firstname.lastname@example.org. Please rate, like, & share this episode & be sure to follow along on social media channels @Resetwithrenee. For email communication, sign up at www.resetwithrenee.com. #resewithrenee #cptsd #relationships #conflict #feelings #healing #hsp Links Joe Rogan https://open.spotify.com/episode/2XCJAb43d6b4cNLdKS9jSw?si=N4HJYjcASe6UIInOoL4f4w We Can Do Hard Things https://open.spotify.com/show/0eFL5HJejQHZrdgAFdPnOm?si=e9421ba5fcdc4544 The One Inside https://open.spotify.com/episode/3xQ11b0qvBe1IUvxK6daNX?si=w1BYpkNpRE2y8iiwQGo9Ag Transforming Trauma https://open.spotify.com/episode/4nMCjBimU15RB3tlb0rwq5?si=WfetzKduTA2PMeLu1fYdnA Mean Dementia https://thedawnmethod.com/dementia-and-being-mean-to-family/
October 11, 2022
Episode 4: Rupture & Repair in Relationships
Conflict is inevitable in relationships but many people don’t know how to handle it. Listen to learn how your nervous system, attachment style, & personality can block repair attempts. Becoming self led is an important relationship skill!
September 28, 2022
Episode 3: Avoid or ACE
Are you led by fear or love? Listen for an opportunity to increase your connection & grow your EI.
August 21, 2022
Episode 2: Relationship Skills (for lonely men?!)
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/the-rise-lonely-single-men The Rise of Lonely, Single Men Dating apps and a drastically changing relationship landscape. Posted August 9, 2022 This article is active today on media & presents an opportunity for discussion of relational skills for all & especially for men. Key points: 1. Intimacy = “into me I see” 2. HOW (Honest, Open, Willing) 3. Differentiation (hold onto self ) & attachment (engage & respond vs. react to BIDS for connection) 4. Self leadership – 8 Cs? OR driven by need for control, image, performance (MANAGERS), reactive, impulsive (FIREFIGHTERS) or by wounds of the past (EXILES) 5. Accountable, clear, embodied (WHO are you, WHAT to you stand for, HOW do you live that) regardless of outcome; do it for you! 6. ARE (attuned, responsive, engaged) + PRESENT-how do you show up for others? a. Honor you & them b. NO avoid, defend, deny, distract, stonewall 7. What do you relationally want & how to do you create it? Playmate, company, partner? 8. Who is mentoring you? Cultural, social conditioning impacts deficit. Intergenerational. ACE is the antidote to AVOID, BOOT STRAP, SOLDIER ON especially for guilted & burnt out women & lost men...! www.resetwithrenee.com @resetwithrenee
August 12, 2022
Episode 1: Welcome!
About your host & the intention of this podcast….CPTSD, narcissistic abuse recovery. How to live, lead, & love with a whole heart….
July 26, 2022