2 jews & a Microphone

One co-host goes to the Motherland and the other asks about it | Falafel - Palestinians battle the Jewish Israelis in the only fight that matters | Frying chickpeas is a stain on Vegetarianism | Boosters - Sign up for your weekly shots now | Masks - Why the Ashkenazi girls love 'em | How "I'll look it up" has destroyed the casual conversation | Lindsey Buckingham and the wet dream | Dreidel is just another made-up custom by modern Jewish missionaries and their Gambling in-laws | Dutch Ice Skaters never get camel toe

Guest co-host Ragnar discusses why he allows his 8 year old to watch horror movies which invariably leads to discussions on the following:

• The pussification of America's youth (trigger warning: pussification does not refer to genitalia but the co-opted version meaning "weak beyond reason")
• The inherent comedy within all horror
• A Child influenced by Michael Meyers & Jason Voorhees (not a gay couple) is the most loving child you'll meet
• Confirmation Bias and why blacks still continue to be the first ones killed on said movies
• What if the educated elite have been thinking about child raising completely wrong
• Another anal exam story
• Solving sub-Saharan poverty through the introduction of Fantasy literature
• What Harry Potter could learn from a self published Amazon fantasy author
• Why literary critics don't really understand the purpose of literature in the modern age
• Convincing the US government to become a show sponsor

Not one of Shlomo & Moshe's better ones. They inappropriately discuss doing podcasts for the Homeless and what topics they might discuss. A conversation about the miseries of childcare, and how nobody really wants to take care of their own kids. A re-cap of a guys trip to the Dominican Republic will excite no one. Disillusionment over the global disappearance of restaurant menus and what that portends for humanity. Learning to ice skate as an adult while managing a burgeoning erection. Halloween - the iconic American holiday bankrolled by the Dental Illuminati. And of course, a shout out to the Peanut Gallery.

Dad Jokes - What's wrong with that | Girl Scout Cookies | Caucasians - The New Asians | Living Close to a Trader Joe's means something...about you | A Squat - Not much difference between the dwelling and the deuce | Police - Are they really Dicks or are you simply not understanding | Medicaid Boob Jobs | Covid Traveling | The Deception of Cottage Grove | Never Getting Excited | Straight Men Acknowledge Other Men are Attractive | If a group of guys travels, one always ends up in trouble, but only one |

Code Switching - The Hosts' Real Identities revealed | Finally getting Listener Number 10 | Papaya Pie feels better than Apple Pie, allegedly | Who is the Master of the Thermostat | Confirmation Bias against the Window Air Conditioner | Mimes - An Excuse to Rage | Murders in the Neighborhood - A Story of a girl and her suitor | Crossing Neighborhood Boundaries and Surviving | Playing the Long Game and still not Converting | What's the latest with the 'Vid' | Masks - Do you assume the person is better or worse looking than they actually are

The High Holiday season overwhelms the hosts who find too many topics related to Jewish holidays. Our Muslim fan base may want to skip this episode. Norm Macdonald Died - Was he really a Jew | Online communities and their threads - Is it ok to post and never participate in the group | Reddit threads - Giving the Retired, independently wealthy and chronically unemployed something to do | Why leave on online review - is it just for Jews? | Selfie Accidents - Probably done by a Jew | Mexican food - Why is it so bad in Europe? The Jews? | Spandex Cyclists - Were they always A**holes? | Sukkot - What the heck is it? | The Camaro Orthodox and why their women don't talk to phallus wearers | My Friend Shlomo | Muslims make Jews look like terrible fasters | Other Podcasts - why you may want to consider something else

Them Jews are back but why so many listeners in Africa | Is it wrong to wear clothing advertising a large multi-national | T-shirts & Pens - where are they coming from and how do we end up with so many for free | Multiple wives - Is that really such a good idea? | Live Stream Subscribers - what do they have to say? Not much in English | What makes a terrorist | Southern accents - are they really the sound of stupid? | New Sponsors want to meet You | Zoom versus Teams - Do you really give a shit? | The Lesbian Fantasy - Putting an end to it | Quitting Facebook but not Instagram | Followers - Isn't 1 person that isn't your mother enough? | Pedophelia - Overrated? | Condone - Why does it have to sound so harsh | TSA - The 9/11 nightmare that won't leave

NUTS Get your hot nuts - The Semites talk pistachios, pecans and some other nuts you might know. Why all the alternatives to Google search suck so stop hating Google. Listeners write in during the livecast - they aren't all enjoying the commentary. Talking before the movies start should not be shushed. Intonation is underrated and may be directly responsible for many perceived perjoratives. And of course, lots of cancel culture verboden words. And George Michael will not be making a guest appearance today. Scheduling difficulties. 

• Corporations - They need to find things for their employees to do much like parents with bored children
• Zoom - introduces a voice to provide a 'perv alert'
• AI - What does it want with us, and will it involve penetration?
• Therapy - The horrors of becoming self-aware
• Bukake - therapy for the masses
• Muslim men - outraged over the hosts mention of high rates of homosexuality throughout the Islamic world
• Dating - Would you marry the same person if you found out their flaws on the first date?
• Steve Jobs - Inventor of Covid
• Chicago & Amsterdam headlines - The hosts read each other's host city newspapers then disappear

The Semites break a record in listenership. Promises of phallic pumps go unmet. Rolling Stones agree to be podcast's house band. Belarus - Have you heard of this place? Ryan Air is when you know you've outgrown the Greyhound. Why you need to be stoned to do certain things. The Jared Kushner interview - unedited. How did Jews get so neurotic - a reflection. Dogs versus Cats - and the surprising answers our hosts reveal. Bachelors over 50 should not own cats - no matter what.

An in-depth discussion on one of the most vaunted rituals in welcoming middle age: the colonoscopy. And other anal exams. The hosts share their personal horrors and triumphs with the anal probe. Ascension Day - Why the Dutch do it and the Americans refuse. How could Jesus not be full of himself? Live chatters really engage today. What's it like to be vaccinated? And does it really help to get a 3rd shot? When is it worth it to travel for medical treatment? Win a chance to fly to Guinea-Bissau to receive a world renowned penis graft at a rock bottom price.

Why killing is good for the ego. And why does America produce so many fantastic killers. Meeting your doppelganger. Are you systemically racist? Is it possible American police need to shoot? Why aren't the Dutch cops shooting? Do the Dutch have cops? Words you can't say. Incels. N Word runaround. Why ethnic names and other unpronounceables were never get elected. What it's liked to be stalked on an ancestry website. 

Lots of vaccination talk and gentrification talk, and a look at what would happen if the capital city of Burkina Faso, unpronounceable to even gentrifiers, would develop if such persons were to pioneer there. The most deceitful business practices as stereotyped by ethnicity with the finalists coming from Hasidics everywhere, Indians on the subcontinent and the Chinese homeland. What makes the gays so tremendously successful at gentrifying. And a surprise guest who doesn't believe in vaccination or gentrification but will issue a proclamation. 

A former Mossad agent living in exile shows listeners why Jews are profound thinkers including but not limited to: Safardic penis envy, The Israeli Blacks, Why American Jews are weak and worthless compared to the superior Israeli kin, Prince Phillip and how he conspired to turn Israel into a hunting ground which succeeded on levels not even he could have dreamt of, why yorkshire pudding is an inferior substitute for american pie, Angry Lesbians as the ideal role model for raising young children in today's climate, Masturbation as the key to understanding the human experience, What does it mean to be foreign, Why Israelis don't appear to be polite, How learning just one bad word in a new country must sound to locals, Why New York is not America, Why the Federal government is needed, and global citizenry - and the big 'ism'

Nutella. Fellatio. The Homeless. Privilege. The intersectionality of these 4 traits form the basis for today's show. Plus some vaccine chatter, toys of our youth, matzah toppings, Korean Christians, and the boys reach the 1 billion mark. **TRIGGER WARNING: IF YOU OR SOMEBODY YOU CARE ABOUT HAS BEEN INVOLVED WITH THE ORAL REMOVAL OF NUTELLA OR SIMILAR TYPE SUBSTANCES FROM THE PHALLUS OF AN HOMBRE WITH NO CASA THEN PLEASE SKIP THIS EPISODE, AND GET YOURSELF A KLONDIKE BAR**

Chad - still a country, no longer a cool name. Covid - 1 year anniversary, let's party and reflect. Public Sector Unions - A disgrace but are they still necessary. And why are Chicagoans scared to stand up to the teacher's union - have you seen how out of shape these people are? Growing conservative with age. Big or Small - which size company should you support? And if you knew the background of every executive would you support anyone? Asians - 'nuff said. Peter Pan - It's not only about being gay. Fraternities - it's really about being gay. The Hunt for Blue October.

The Semites win an award. Bruce is Jersey. Or not. Improv still sucks. The American obsession with making pop cultural references, particularly when it comes to comedy. How to win friends and influence people in foreign countries - just mock the neighboring country/state/region. Does anybody like Paraguayans? The sadness of realizing no matter how hard you try not to be, you are still American. Is it still acceptable to watch Long Duk Dong and quote his lines? Why Dutch Santa is Black, and how the people of Holland treat him. Enjoying celebrations even if they no longer conform to societal mores which is not to be confused with smores which conform with all celebrations.

Topics: Dubya's secret podcast. The joy of nocturnal emissions in the White House. Ejaculate is both a verb and a noun, and other subtleties of the English language. Getting those without homes employment while simultaneously allowing the masses to relieve their libidos. Does anybody listening to this show actually understand English - not according to Google metrics. Why it's wise to choose an unattractive secretary and utilize the same criteria for your hygienist. Are ultra-conservative religions onto something? Was Mike Pence the real genius in his approach to the opposite gender? Vaccinations - what they tell us about a culture, and why it's still not recommended by WHO or Roger Daltrey to get the shot in your ass despite what Pete Townshend said. We love Cancel Culture Club. And every listeners favorite - Guess That Country, with one lucky winner receiving a free one hour English lesson with your hosts.

Jesus, More Brady? Super Bowl ads - why even watch the game. Do you stop listening or watching an artist because their personal behavior is repulsive? Cancel Culture - when will they just cancel all of it and euthanize the species. Ring Doorbell - you're being watched but why care, just take the package anyway. Shaming - too much or not enough? The absurd world of modern sports betting. Commentary on news stories from countries we didn't know existed, apologies to those listeners. And the new viral video, 'Everybody Masturbates'.

The Semites aren't just famous for pornography but sports, in which they comment, never play. A discussion on GOATS and their mis-representation in sports analogies. Why should we root for Tom Brady, or even watch football. Does hard work really pay off for everybody or just those already imbued with the gifts of genetics and luck? Is it appropriate to text your house cleaner, as a man, about mysterious panties found in your laundry?  To have or not have the last word in a text thread. And are exclamation points superior to smiley faces in said threads? Why do individuals have moral dilemmas about taking government assistance but few, if any, corporations seem to have such? And Jewish lasers attempt to destroy this very podcast.

Where does one find a burkini? Are Nigerians the greatest email scam writers in history? Do they deserve a trademark? Why a local insurrectionist refused to talk with the Semites. And is it ok to give a public voice to people you vehemently disagree with? What is an emoji erection? And were the insurrectionists at the Capitol using them? What do Israelis think of the attempted coup? And who is crazier, the far Israeli Right or the far American Right? Who would win in a battle royale? Were the Jihadists really upset that an inferior grouped of aggrieved people so easily infiltrated the center of American politics? How would it have looked if the Jihadis did it? Virtual learning - does it still suck. And what do you do when your kids learn that you don't really want them?

Microphones are too damn sensitive. Psychics are an important part of the Trump Cult. What does it mean to be Vulnerable? And why would anybody choose to do that.  Is crying in the movies now an accepted form of male sensitivity? Are Dutch Life coaches a thing? The Emptiness of Life. How long is the minimum length of a vacation? And what makes a Family Vacation? Do single men watch the Crown? Single men on a 2 week family vacation that spend their nights watching the Crown are clearly experiencing an emptiness that only a Pandemic can inspire.

Facebook deleting isn't the answer. Are gifts really necessary? Converting to Judaism and the havoc wreaked on a goy's penis. Nobody goes back to an online forum after their question is answered. Are all volunteers inherently selfish individuals looking for recognition? Mask wearing normalizes panty fetishes. Presidential Daughter Porn. American Gothic rebuke. And of course, virtual learning sucks.

Eating habits & masturbation might share a pubescent history. How Covid has become the new mic drop. Are self absorbed cultures experiencing higher rates of Covid? The satisfaction of making a joke in your 2nd language. Why we need to see peoples faces. Cashiers are people too. Witnessing the OCD caused by Covid. Walking is the new coffee date. And ecstasy - the only way to make anything feel like the best thing, even this.

Are there Dutch Karens? Are adjectives upset by all this attention on Pronouns? Are charisma and money the only way to win an election? The semites get semite once again trying to figure out a system to evaluate the Amazon rating legitimacy.  Who was the better Beer President - Trump or Dubya? Fuck Mary Kill - it's the Jetsons versus Facts of Life. And why don't the youth of today appreciate the Jetsons. Would you want to be president of a fraternity? And Rwandan Improv - the hosts attempt to bring piece to the Hutus & Tutsis.

A rare opportunity to hear a movie review done 2 Jews & A Mic style - Borat. Viewing Required before listening to this podcast. If residing in a place where Borat is banned or otherwise inaccessible you will need to skip this show and move onto the pustule popping episode with one of our host's grandmothers.

Is it still ok to say Ghetto blaster? Why can't actors imitate voices of people with different backgrounds than themselves? What is your preferred shoe named after an African head of state? Quitting Facebook & the perils of social media - is it all just a continuation of the American high school model of popularity? Did Zuckerberg only start Facebook because he couldn't get laid? And what's wrong with that? Childhood nicknames and the trauma they cause. PC Culture - Too much fun to laugh at.

Why would anybody want to shut the fck up for 10 days? An exploration into the bizarre world of silent retreats or as they are known to the devout: vipassanas. A discussion of marriage, and divorce, and love and soul mates, and the interconnection they may or may not have. The show only gets deeper this episode as the Semites talk of their own evolution, and why a nutritionist is not much different than a spouse. Puff on something and drift off...

Your first time - auto-erotica and it's defining moment of manhood. Thick for girls not shakes. Red heads. Ballot Harvesting. Civil War. Alternate facts & a Trump lover. How to know if you are from The South. Fast Food Nation. Your Ideal Suicide. The Point of Marriage. And why gang bangers need to take publicly mandated gun training classes

The Day of Atonement is here. And We have a solution for religious fasting everywhere. And the true story of closeted Yemeni innkeeper who wants you to know he isn't just playing video games. A frank discussion on the proper way to massage the shaft. Confirmation bias - Or is it? Identity Politics and the missing letters of LGBTQ....RSTUV. Trump has got a name for you, and lastly, a procedure you may or may not want to undergo.

Foreign infiltrators intercept the Semite's show. NPR Liberals under attack. Doggy Daycare enrichment for the Elites only. Personal morals and the undercharged conundrum. The Covid excuse. And of course, Wesley Snipes returns.

Why is Ice Cream Cake a culinary miracle? Are drugs better when bought in grams? Covid as an excuse for everything. Gaslighting - what the fuck is that? And the dissection of a popular not quite MILF's Instagram video. And of course, the winning lottery numbers

Zoom bombing a child's classroom with another man's member & Zooming an attractive Putin refugee who just wants to learn some bloody English. Ice Cream & Nut Milk. 'You Dated' - Does that mean you shtupped or just kvetched together?

The hosts continue to slip down the pubescent boy rabbit hole as they spend way too much time dissecting the intricacies of amateur pornography including trying to decipher if one gentleman has been filming his girlfriends for the past 25 years as well as the value a canine adds to authenticity. Ron Jeremy makes a guest appearance to discuss what makes him not an amateur while also revealing the new depths of his career which have forced him to join a podcast with a listener count lower than Trump's IQ.

Gambian Tourism. A Yemeni tale. To be on time, or not. Lying & Contractors - synonymous but why. Aren't we ready for a new name for our Goomahs? 

And a boy infects his dog with Covid after penetrating a bit too deep.

Mr. Tony joins the Semites to discuss important matters of the day including but not limited to faking your own college graduation, problems with the ecstasy pills of today, growing up as the only black person in an all white town, racial cunnilingus preferences, how not to ask a black person about Black Lives Matter, and Trucking. Bonus material includes step by step instructions on making your own 2 in 1 mask, plus an important How-Not-To when it comes to engaging college co-eds.

One Jew blindsides the other with 20 questions & a 1 minute time limit, with discussions ranging from lineage testing to dog naming, cruises to cocks, Covid foods to Covid pornography, and of course, a midget and a handjob are both mentioned somewhere in the dialogue.  And AnCestRy dot com pulls their sponsorship after the SECRET is revealed.

An on-air improv class gets a beat down. Successful pedophiles are separated from unsuccessful ones. The vicious cycle of work as it relates to Buddhism's eternal suffering, and how the cabal utilizes this to keep the American system going. Has the Pandemic proven once and for all that humans are stupid? How handjobs can save humanity. And of course, the real reason so much of arts, including, possibly this endeavor, are just awful.

For some it's still tumultuous 2020 but for others in QAnon or our esteemed hosts, it's now approximately 2022 or 2023 or some date no so distant.

Hand amputees and the chronically unemployed have teamed up to ban the uttering of 'handjob'. The Supreme Court has all committed suicide except for Clarence Thomas and his new bench archrival, a stoic vacuum cleaner.  The Asian transgender movement is beginning to cause waves throughout the world. The word 'retard' has made an unprecedented comeback as has aggressive masturbation. The country is run by Attractive Boards that have forced all those considered attractive to disfigure themselves yet some people are still sneaking around with their attractiveness. And not many people are left in the world. Enjoy.

The Jews listen attentively as a passionate young advocate attempts to convince the authorities that masks are an engineered evil of the Deep State.  Shaming and the refusal to give Karen a chance. Allowing other cultures to view your small phallus in order to allow them to feel better about their own situations. Why restaurant service is overrated & gratefulness to Covid for expediting it's much needed demise. Parenting during Corona. And of course, The Great Satan.

An Amsterdam female joins the shtuppers. The Dutch see American unraveling. The American tells a story of ground level attitudes toward Blacks changing. The American then says maybe the Real Karen is simply misunderstood. The Man from the country between Lebanon & Egypt accuses the American of blasphemy. And Mimi, the lady guest from the low country says why Black Lives Matter has been honored by Dutch women for years, at least those taking solitary jaunts to the well endowed nation of Gambia.

The Hebrews discuss America's failure to teach the real history of race in the education system, the Dutch pushing a little too hard for you to accept euthanasia, Nigerian princes, the Internet as the ultimate bibliography source, social distancing riots, and the inner yearnings of white progressives to have cool black friends, really any black friends. And naturally, Barack.

Why do some people 'make it' and others don't. Mooching off the system.  Flatulence.  Supplements. Covid sex partners. More flatulence. Amsterdam and Chicago. And a little more flatulence.

Time travel. Pubes. Qatar. Barbie & friends. Enough stuff to keep the dinner party interesting.

Chicago based improviser, booking agent & manager of renowned comedians, Ms. Pam joins the show to re-iterate Covid killed comedy but virtual laughing is still allowed east of the Mississippi. A variety of topics are discussed, as usual so just play the f'kin episode already.

An inquiry into what makes somebody from Jersey somebody from Jersey. Deliberation over Malcolm Gladwell's hair. Intense discussions of the seed of the universe as it relates to the explusion of viscous liquid from the male member. And Masks - are they really necessary everywhere?

The boys interview the owner of one of Florida's most acclaimed nightclubs, Mango's, and learn how Hulk Hogan might save us from Covid, and why the government doesn't give a sh#t about the restaurant industry, plus a new sponsor joins the show.

The jews talk about their personal definition of being 'cheap' and a native son calls in from the Holy Land only to discover members of the diaspora are unworthy of his time

Listen to the somewhat mainstream and yet still unbelievable claims of a former 6pm network sports anchor