Nobody Talks Shidduchim
By Nobody Talks Shidduchim
It’s a subject that not too many want to hear or discuss. Nobody Talks Shidduchim is a podcast for those who are facing a true challenge in American Jewish dating. Did we scare you yet? Here you are not alone. There are so many others struggling in Shidduchim and it’s time us singles has a voice for it!
Ep 61: Where to Eat on a date & The National Kosher Food Crawl w. Kosher Guru
In this episode Avery & IJ host The Kosher Guru aka Gabriel Boxer & Lea from @KosherLicks who tells us about all the hot spot kosher restaurants. Ever have a date at an amazing restaurant? Yes it’s hard to plan and expensive at times. Sit with us for dinner as we virtual restaurant Shidduch date crawl with the Guru who knows where to go. 1) What your restaurant pick says about you 2) Is there actually a date number where you have to go to a nice place??? 3) What your order says about you 4) What they order says about them 5) Parking 6) Places with an ambiance’s like no other 7) Out of town restaurant: a problem or an opportunity? Kosher Spots: 1) Manhattan 2) Queens 3) 5 Towns 4) Great neck 5) Out in the island (Long Island not 5t) 6) NYC: Midtown, UWS, UES, LES 7) Downtown 8) Mid NJ area 9) Teaneck / Bergen county 10) Monsey 11) Lakewood 12) Philly 13) Chicagoland / Skokie 14) Minnesota 15) Boston 16) Stamford 17) Georgia 18) Miami 19) Boca Raton 20) north Miami 21) Hollywood FL 22) Louisiana 23) Los Angeles 24) Texas
January 16, 2022
Ep 60: Is therapy the answer to your shidduch problems? w/Sarale & Ahuva (Holy Shid)
In this week's episode we bring on Sarale and Ahuva AKA Holy Shid. We wanted to share Sarale's inspirational story regarding her shidduch journey. In this episode we discuss: 1. How much people can change over time and how that change sometimes leads to you to find the person you were looking for. 2 How dating in the traditional shidduch world as young girl felt? 3. The early set familial & societal pressures to get married at a younger age and how that affects people. 4. Creating a routine that keeps you moving through the years where you feel like you have nothing going on dating wise. 5. How Sarale becoming more open minded introduced her to therapy. 6. The skills she picked up in therapy that helped her understand more about herself. 7. The differences and similarities of shidduchim within the Chabad community 8. Spotting the differences of who you were and you're becoming, and why it's ok to wait for the perfect time 9. Understanding that may be the issue is you, and how becoming more open minded can bring the right person into your life. 10. Why you should not rely on the community at large to make your match for you 11. Childhood patterns that may currently be holding you back from finding the right one.
January 05, 2022
Ep 59: Lakewood Girls Talk
In this episode Avery and IJ bring on Michal and Tami, two daters who reside in Lakewood and have experience going through the Shidduch system. Avery and IJ take a backseat and listen to what the girls have to say in regards to their dating encounters. 1) A brief introduction to what dating is like in Lakewood 2) Do you feel you are judged more harshly by people you meet because of where you're from? 3) Lakewood is known for the BMG culture, we know what it is today. Are single Lakewood twenties still looking for that cookie-cutter type? 4) Where do you think most girls get their ideal interests for what they are looking for in a guy 5) They say the girls have it easy with matchmakers because they are not expected to push back or stand up for what they believe in. Do you think that is a correct statement? 6) How should a girl tell a matchmaker what they are exactly looking for? 7) what are the least relatable things in a résumé. What things do you think can be totally taken off. 8) in the mid 2010’s Bais Yaakov schools had to chase girls down for their social media participation. It seems that your generation has been able to grow up with this and have a healthy well balanced mindset in this area, what changed? 9) Is it difficult to explain your hashkafa to shadchanim, parents etc. Because they don't understand modern lakewood. 10) Can girls grow up in a rigid, frum environment and learn to rebel against it in a healthy way 11) Whereas girls 20 years ago didn't have an issue with photos and resumes, do you feel the yeshivish world is right to not allow photos to be sent?
December 20, 2021
Ep 58: Dating App, Other Ways To Meet & Modox Dating
58) Other ways to meet / modox dating Avery and IJ have discussed many ways for daters to meet in shidduchim and at singles events. But what about those dating apps, Shabbatones or community salsa outings? In this episode The NTS crew sits down with Shlomo from Nashville and Ally from the Valley; 2 app daters, to discuss how the helk you meet on those apps and without a Shadchan. 1) We discuss Modox (modern orthodox) dating styles 2) Jswipe, Hinge, Jdate, all of them! 3) Online Dating 4) Corona crush 5) Social media 6) Parties 7) Handling it yourself 8) Actually going out 9) App dates 10) App remedy
December 13, 2021
Ep 57: Stigma stigma on the wall we discuss divorce dating, broken engagements and all
Stigmatized Dating - Divorce, Broken Engagement, Long Term Relationships, etc… In today’s day and age, we have hopefully moved past a place where we allow stigmas about people to decide whether or not they are dateable, and should be given a chance. Emotional scars from entering and exiting these relationships and whether or not you are still carrying your baggage. Do shadchanim, daters, parents etc judge people who’ve gone through these experiences more harshly? Is it better to enter marriage having never had a serious relationship or not? Are frum people behind the 8 ball on divorce and breakups (Average divorce rate 50% amongst Non jews Are the Jewish divorce laws stacked against frum women? Should our community have more divorces? Better to stay in a bad relationship or stay together Disadvantages of dating when you are younger (unaware) Have rabeim become to involved in marital problems and no longer understand the scope of healthy marriages People used to say “they didn’t do enough research, things were hidden”. Is this a real thing? Are people just blinded to their own biases based on what they want.
November 28, 2021
Ep 56: The things your parents & rabeim didn't tell you about marriage (Ft. Avi Singer)
56) How to be prepared for marriage In this week's edition of the NobodyTalks Shidduchim Podcast, we sit down with Avi Singer. Avi is a licensed marrige and family therapist as well as small business owner. Throughout this episode, we discuss: 1) What does an ideal frum marriage look like 2) How one can prepare him/herself to be the ideal person they see in a marriage 3) Are frum marriages more difficult to maintain due to the various factors (expensive lifestyle, religious levels, lack of incorporation of modern day life needs 4) Is the separation between boys and girls from a young age leading people people to be less ready for relationships 5) Should you have a short list of qualities you need in a spouse? If so, what are they? 6) How to tell you are really ready for marriage? 7) The things a married person only knows, and how to use that information to help others 8) Does our community put to much of a burden on the idea that getting married is the be all end all, and not enough attention on how to maintain a healthy relationship? 9) What are habits to pick up that will make you an a great spouse?
October 26, 2021
Ep 55: Seasons Come & Go But Yom Tov Never Changes & Shabbos Is On The Way!
Ep 55: Seasons Come & Go But Yom Tov Never Changes & Shabbos Is On The Way! Dreading Yom Tov, is this where we are at? The holidays are tough for singles. Avery & IJ discuss the challenges. Shabbos is discussed by the Shidduch Podcast crew. 1) The worst yom tov to be single? 2) Getting suggestions by your local shul family friend 3) Programs Programs Programs 2)Going to the park 3) What is Shabbos like for single guys 4) What is Shabbos like for single gals 5) Too much time with the fam? 6) Should Shabbos break the relationship? 7) Spending Shabbos at their house? 8) Do you tell them Yumtif was actually bad? 9) Getting meals 10) Arranging meals 11) Inviting guests
October 03, 2021
54: Fantastic Hashkafas and How to Find Them [Hashkafa Part 2]
In ep 54 the NTS crew with Meghan discusses hashkafa. We label it, we box it and we subject the hashkafic orientations out there. Just because We do this, doesn’t mean there’s less to a person. But in shidduchim it’s important to identify where you stand on things. What’s important to bring up, what should be brought up and what may just be ok to wait on. 1) TV in the house 2) Labels & that darn Box 3) Throw away: my way is the right way 4) Black hat: they do, they did, the don’t, they can’t 5) Zionistic 6) TV and TV in the house 7) Sending your kids to white shirt or co ed yeshiva 8) What community do we want to live in 9) Is how you observe Shabbos a hashkafic difference? ie how you want to run a Shabbos table, going swimming, wife holds of the eruv 10) How much do we listen to the families rov? 11) Do we put a filter on the house internet? Kids phones. Etc. 12) Making aliyah 13) Learning 14) Is Hashkafa non-binary a thing? 15) Music
August 26, 2021
EP 53: Hashkafa Matters [Part 1]
Yona & Chani join Avery to have a sophisticated and nuanced discussion over the many differences and similarities those of us share when it comes to our hashkafos in Shidduchim. We tackle the concept of dating someone based on various stereotypes such as wearing a black hat, davening in Young Israel's and preferring a TV in your home. 1) Defining religious orientation 2) Black hat 3) Zionistic 4) TV and TV in the house 5) Sending your kids to white shirt or co ed yeshiva 6) What community do we want to live in 7) Is how you observe Shabbos a hashkafic difference? ie how you want to run a Shabbos table, going swimming, wife holds of the eruv 8) How much do we listen to the families rov? 9) Do we put a filter on the house internet? Kids phones. Etc. 10) Making aliyah 11) Learning
August 10, 2021
EP 52: Don't Ask Me If I'm Shomer #3 [Part 3: The Rabbi Strikes Back]
EP 52: Don't Ask Me If I'm Shomer #3 [Part 3: The Rabbi Strikes Back] Navigating the relationship w/shomer in mind. Halachic & Rabbinic perspectives of being shomer negiah. In part 3 of shomer we wrap it up with Rabbi AY’s encounters as a Rabbi & halachic perspective. We also discussed some new aspects of Shomer Negiah, which we did not touch up on in Part 1 and 2. Torah perspectives, community outlines and IJ’s favorite…is breaking shomer the same as kosher and Shabbos? 1. Tznius affects on Shomer Negiah 2. Why are the shidduch dating guys always blamed?? 3. Is there a way to really tell if someone is shomer? 4. Kosher & Shabbos is very diffrent than Shomer 5. Past relationships that you weren’t shomer in: to tell or not to tell! 6. How can you feel intimately connected in a shomer relationship 7. What are ways to bring up gedarim/boundaries without offending the other side 8. Does being shomer fall under the category of tznius 9. Can you judge someone for their past experiences shomer or not? 10. What does the Torah want from a young healthy couple, is it closeness to each other (which comes from Intimacy) or closeness to G-d? 11. It’s not that the Torah doesn’t work, it’s the community that doesn’t work 12. Better for gals to break it whether they are frum or modern?
July 30, 2021
EP 51: Don't Ask Me If I'm Shomer [Part 2: The Girl Dater’s Take]
In this week's episode we bring in Paige, a long time dater and resident expert on shomer negiah for the female daters perspective. Having been in her own long term relationships before, we appreciated hearing why she is complexly pro staying shomer until marriage. Some girls call in as well to weigh in on the issues. We also discussed some new aspects of Shomer Negiah, which we did not touch up on in Part 1. Such as; is it worse to be the person who initially breaks or the person who elevates? Does being with someone before you are married give you insight in to any potential compatibility issues in the future? Who can you go to to discuss the difficulties you are having staying shomer in your relationships? As well, as many other enumerating subjects
July 19, 2021
Ep 50: Don’t Ask Me If I’m Shomer
Ep 50: Don’t Ask Me If I’m Shomer The NTS Crew: IJ, Avery & Ahuva put all things Shomer Negiah on the table with this series opener. While we all follow the laws of SN, we explore the topic in more relative terms to us millennial & gen Z daters….hey we all enjoy the Shomer 5. 1) Defining Shomer Negiah 2) Tell us about how it played a role in your life, what it means to you... 3) Why is there such a majority of Shidduch daters who hold Shomer 4) What are the benefits of Shomer in Shid 5) When to have a discussion about being shomer or not? 6) Emotional & Brain Chemical reactions to touching 7) Are you really doing something wrong, halacha aside...well sorta? 8) Does it change for guys when you commit? 9) Does it change for girls close to engagement? 10) Who is it more difficult for, gender-wise? 11) We all want to hug & cuddle is there a way to do it? 12) Establishing proper boundries or gedorim to stay shomer 13) Are there any negatives to actually holding SN? 14) The Jewish Guilt 15) Why do we feel soo guilty when it’s in our DNA & innate for us to do so 16) Can you tell the Shadchan you are planning on breaking Shomer? 17) Who generally actually starts the “breaking shomer”, the one to initiate? 18) Is it worst for the person to start or to elevate? 19) Dating someone who does not want to be shomer and you do. Can it work?
July 04, 2021
Ep 49: The Buchrim Tell All - What happened to all the good guys Part 2
The NTS Crew sits down with a group of Buchrim to discuss their dating take. These are real yeshiva guys who are still learning, have seder and only wear a blue shirt on purim! BUCHRIM TELL ALL What is the Buchor life like? Do women ever wonder? Do non learners ever wonder? IJ sits down with a group of yeshiva guys (who happen to be his former chevra from yeshiva gedola) and chat. 1) What's it like in yeshiva generally, give the audience an idea of the schedule and ambiance 2) Do you think Yeshiva has prepared you better than your friends who went to college (didn't make learning a priority) 3) How is the process with a shadchan as a buchor (Differences in the modern yeshivish vs. black hat yeshivish world 4) Whats the process like with a Shadchan? 5) What are your biggest 3 struggles with shadchanim? 6) Do you ever get an urge to ask a girl out directly? 7) What can you tell our female audience out there as to what you expect from a dating them? Give them a pointer as to how they can snatch 8) Some of you are older, its frustrating to still be single...how do you still have hope?
June 20, 2021
EP 48: What happened to all of the “Good Guys”
Ep 48: What happened to all of the “good guys” PART 1 Are we setting up our boys to fail?? Where are all the “Good Guys” at?? NTS crew discusses with Mrs. Rissel Naimark about the perplexities of girls and “the community” thinking that there are no more good guys/men/boys. IJ and Avery defend the boys!! It seems that there’s this expectancy for the men in Shidduchim to be able to have a set career, solid twice a day learning Seder as well as being a 3 x a day minyan goer. Is this just conjecture from anecdotal “sources” or is this a real thing that is setting the men and thus women back from finding their Basherts to be with? 1) Guys are amazing and here’s why... 2) Is it just that girls standards are too high 3) Is it fair for the women to judge this? 4) Is it a reason for women to say no or should they work with GUY POTENTIAL. 5) Women want a tangible way of measuring how frum a guy is, plain and simple. 6) Why single men don’t have a steady minyan schedule 7) How our grandparents did it (1 minyan and Mentch’s) 8) Dual household responsibility. Differences of growing up with 2 working parents vs 1. 9) Reverse case: men being very strict with women and tznius 10) Our community pushing men into learning, for as long as they can even without a plan
June 09, 2021
Ep 47: How to take full advantage of being single
Episode 47: How to take full advantage of being single. Avery explains all the new things he has found from being single, with Rosie. 1. Pursue your passions (Business, travel, restaurants, career change) 2. Getting closer to G-d 3. Shabbos plans for girls and how to get invited to meals 4. Making all new friends 5. Choosing your new look/wardrobe not having your spouse do it. 6. Working on building a house, apartment, decorating? 7. Getting into shape for your future wedding (barf) 8. Connecting with more people who might have that match 9. Taking time to reflect on how you can be better 10. Not letting your single state define you. What are your other unrelated qualities 11. How can you get out of the “waiting funk”
May 21, 2021
Ep 46: What are the girls looking for?
This week's episode we are joined by the royals, Meghan, Kate and Diana. We discuss a wide range of topics within what girls are looking for. Do they like cologne, car door openers, tall guys, short guys, Jewish guys, etc. The royals give us some really insightful perspective into what the girls actually care about when it comes to finding a husband. Take a listen, and if you enjoy this podcast and want to get in touch with the show runners make sure to follow us on our Instagram @nobodytalksshidduchim or email us @email@example.com.
May 06, 2021
Ep 45: The Break Up
1) Can you trust someone when they tell their breakup story? 2) Why are Jews so bad about giving closer? 3) Psychological affects 4) Chemical imbalances: dopamine & withdrawl 5) A new version of ourselves? 6) My person left, I am not whole 7) Are we hiding behind the shadchan for everything? 8) How do you say it? Meaning What are the exact words? 9) Ever get a mother who did the break up? 10) Backlash: When the shadchan fights back? 11) When you tell the Shadchan one thing and they tell something else to the guy/girl...🙄 12) How to heal after a break up? 13) Tell me why holding resentment is making you seem small? 14) How to make your breakup mean something? 15) How to properly reflect on the relationship? 16) Forgiveness, how to forgive yourself and your ex
April 25, 2021
Ep 44: Getting the Shadchan to give you what you want!
In this episode IJ & Avery perform a mock interview with each other as if they are the shadchan and client. We review key items such as how to set the tone with the shadchan? How to ensure they give you what you are looking for? When to bring up past relationships? and so much more! Take a listen and if you enjoy this podcast and find it entertaining send it over to a friend or give us feedback on our instagram @nobodytalksshidduchim or email us firstname.lastname@example.org
April 14, 2021
Ep 43: Moving Out: The Extreme Makeover Shidduch Edition
Moving out, moving on and changing up your situation. The helpful tips for moving on from dating burn out, rejection and an almost relationship. 1) Do all singles have to move out of there house? 2) Do you mention it on a resume 3) Do men move out of the house more than women? 4) When your burnt out from dating what do you do? 5) The Shadchan you just worked with for 6 months is done with you, now what? 6) Shadchan life cycle: playcate the shadchan 7) does Going on a vacation do it for ya 8) Moving on from Shidduch cliches and your current game strategy 9) Reorganizing 10) Changing up your dating usuals? New dating places, diffrent girls, etc... 11) Re-assesing your look, style. 12) If it hasn't worked for you all these years why not try something totally different
March 19, 2021
Ep 42: How To Blow A Date, Badly
Ever blow a date So bad you wanted to forget about it? The NTS Crew, now with Emma (going by Em), conjugate over how daters mess up on dates. This is how you blow a date, badly. 1) Coming late to the date 2) Expectations are destroyed (not like a DOA, cause there's still a chance). 3) Girls falling asleep on dates 4) What to do if the place is closed when you get there 5) The guy not texting back 6) You cannot connect to the date at all, she/he wont give you anything to work with 7) Asking her to pay 8) Ordering the most expensive thing on the menu (9) Talking about your ex 10) Commenting on their appearance too soon 11) Telling them they're career sucks
March 07, 2021
Ep 41: Singles Gatherings and Singles Events
43: Rosie, IJ, Avery and Freidy Goldberger discuss singles mingling at gatherings, socials and singles events. Are they antiquated? Is there something new that singles are brewing? 1) Why haven’t you gone to one? 2) What entices you to actually go to one? 3) Is this “Really cool singles event” really different from the others!!? 4) What’s the conventional program at a singles event? 5) Is it just for extroverts or can it be for introverts as well? 6) Should I go in with a plan or just wing it? 7) Should you break the conventional intro?? 8) Everyone is named Avi, from Brooklyn & is a CPA...can we say other things?? 9) Is it ok if I go alone? 10) Can the girl come over to the guy and introduce themselves?? 11) What if you get stuck with a bad group? 12) What else is there to talk about...asides from the elevator pitch 13) Don’t over take the table!! Never be the one to run the show!! 14) After the event help! 15) It’s always that one girl/guy that everyone wants to go out with! What if that’s you! 16) Last episode I said I didn’t like big ones, I still don’t and here’s why...but here’s also some benefits to it 17) How to end/leave things
February 14, 2021
Ep 40: Setting Up Friends - Honestly, Don’t Be Honest
Have you ever set up your friends before? Avery & IJ have! Many times and with each other. Let's go beyond the second hand talk that you hear from your friends as we discuss with callers what its like to setup your friends and be setup by them! 1) Do your friends really know you? 2) Has a friendship been broken because are they set up? 3) How to do it without hurting relationship? 4) Why aren’t people setting there friends up? 5) Do you have to be honest with your friend or can you give the classic matchmaker responses? 6) what do you say if you know this friend is trouble or you can’t deal with them when They set you up 7) What if your friend asks you to set them up with someone else you may know and the person who is asking to be set up is either not a good person or you don’t want to set them up or feel comfortable doing so 8) Your friend wants you to set them up and you actually want the girl for yourself!!! 9) What if they say something bad about your friend? 10) Do you tell your friend honest truth of what happened? 11) Shana rishona Shidduchim scavenger ( when couples get married ) 12) Out of town in town
January 31, 2021
Ep 39: Siblings Affects on Dating, Effects of Siblings During Dating
How much influence does your bro or sis have on your Shidduch picks? Ahuva Holy__Shid joins the crew to discuss how much involvement our siblings should have in our dating experience. We discuss: 1) Siblings negative affects in dating 2) How much should I be telling my siblings? 3) Siblings positive affects 4) Does it change anything if your sibling is SINGLE OR MARRIED 5) Siblings getting involved in the Shidduch prospect 6) Ranking Siblings spouses and siblings themselves...many girls trying to find their bro? 7) Common chats with siblings..reality vs. their illusions 8) Meeting the siblings when the match is getting serious 9) Basing what not to do off your siblings 10) When siblings want to know too much 11) Getting setup with your best friends older brother or younger sister
January 19, 2021
Ep 38: Why So Serious? When Relationships Are Serious. PLUS Avery and IJ Rap Shidduchim
Avery & IJ Rap Shidduch words, they also monologue about being in a serious relationship. Why is it so complicated, even for those ones that seem like they have it together. 1) Do daters treat dates seriously? 2) It’s all about finding out stuff about them, while knowing yourself 3) Setting the tone for who you are 4) Are women more direct in the serous dating stage? 5) Challenging times are good for a serious relationship, it makes or breaks it.
January 10, 2021
Ep 37: The Role of Gender Roles - The Women’s Perspective
Part 2 of this Gender Roles series features Holy__Shid & Mrs. Raina Balsam. With IJ, Hanna, Yonah & Chani. 1) What is Holy__Shid and their mission? 2) The Torah’s perspective & modern day Shidduch actuality 3) Women wanting more Halachic involvement 4) Men wanting more house duties 5) Woman contributing financially 6) Men contributing in Shabbos & decorative aspects of the house 7) Focusing on what makes sense for you vs. for the world 8) Respectable jobs vs. a job for you Sponsored by Shas 4 Shidduchim: https://shas4shidduchim.org/?utm_source=nobodytalksshidduchim12.11.20&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=s4s
December 26, 2020
Ep 36: The Role of Gender Roles - The Men’s Perspective
It’s important for both parties in dating to be themselves and stick to the roles they feel most comfortable with. Whether the man is cooking or the woman is bringing home the kosher bacon. But is there more to this than the average Shidduch dater can let on? The Crew discusses certain conventional roles in the relationship that when switched may be more unconventional than you’d think. 1) Of course it’s ok, but is there more to it? 2) Women wanting more Halachic involvement 3) Men wanting more house duties 4) Woman contributing financially 5) Men contributing in Shabbos & decorative aspects of the house 6) Roles exist but are a spectrum and aren't rigid 7) Roles can different based on cultural gender differences - Ashkenaz, Yeshivish, Sephard, BT, etc... 8) Focusing on what makes sense for you vs. for the world 9) Roles in a home are necessary regardless of gender but gender can be a useful way to breakdown responsibilities https://shas4shidduchim.org/?utm_source=nobodytalksshidduchim12.11.20&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=s4s
December 13, 2020
Ep 35: Getting Over The Older Single Thing
Remember AOL, Netscape or when Netflix was on DVD? Well if you do and you’re single this podcast is calling your name! IJ & Rosie discuss what it’s like to be the “older single”. All the cliches like; soon by you, don’t give up, and why aren’t you married? Is there actually an older singles community? Should you make some game changers when you become an older single? 1) Escaping the older Shidduch talk 2) Does the wall actually get higher for the older girl? For the older guy? 3) Do you hang out with other older singles, or your friends who happen to be married? 4) Older singles may be a problem, but it’s not a disease!! 5) Avoiding negative people 6) Is dating people younger really that big of a deal? 7) Headspace and emotional stability for an older single 8) Keep yourself slightly NEEDY...here’s why 9) I’m not the same person when I started dating in the slightest bit yet I’m the same person
November 26, 2020
Ep 34: Why Can't We Be Friends?
Welcome to the Friend Zone *Let’s Be Friends...* • Can guys and girls be friends with each other? • Can I maintain a friendly relationship with someone I dated? What about someone I dated seriously? • Making shidduchim with people you’ve dated *Make Amends* • I mistreated someone who I dated. Should I ask mechillah? How would I even go about that? • I feel I deserve an explanation from someone I previously dated. Should I reach out to them? • The shadchan really messed things up. Should I confront them? *Friends of The Family* • I was suggested to a family friend, who would be a good match, but it’s just too weird! • I’m interested in my family friend. How should I, or my parents, approach the situation with the other party? *REJECTED!* • I was rejected by my friend who I really like. What should I do?! • Is it possible to exit the friend zone? • I was rejected by a family friend, who I will definitely see again. How do I avoid the inevitable awkwardness?
November 17, 2020
Ep 33: The Parent Trap
Ep 33: The Parent Trap • Using a parent as your shadchan • A mother knows best– how much should I trust my parent’s experience/advice? • My agent will handle this– How involved should my parents be in “handling” my shidduchim? Do I have a responsibility to take part in the process? • Parental consent– what if my parents nix a good idea for reasons that don’t actually matter to me? • The Parent Trap– my parents are very controlling and won’t let me make my own dating decisions. How do I break free? • One man’s treasure... My parents just don’t get me and are trying to match me with the wrong type. What should I do? • I heard concerning things about his/her parents. Should I end it? • Pair-rents– do both sets of parents have to be a good shidduch too? • Mommas boy– I really like the person I’m dating, but he/she has an unhealthily close relationship with his/her parents. Is this a concern?
October 29, 2020
Ep 32: How I Met Your Shadchan
A Conversation With Shadchanit Rissel Namark. Discussion: Not just setting singles up but why aren’t they staying together? Is our generation lacking? If so where is that lacking coming from? Parenting issues in the entire process Is calling on the phone like texting? What’s the deal with Chemistry? Most men are not finished products and woman need to accept that Problems with the boss ladies Is it really the divorce thing? Who is too blame for the Shidduch crisis?? The last 20% before you get engaged in the Shidduchim process is a leap of faith...trust in Hashem! When in doubt continue going out!
October 14, 2020
Ep 31: The Compatibility Check
Our guest hosts, Chani and Yonah, and their featured guests discuss: 1. The great compromise - How rigid should your lifestyle expectations be? Reconciling differences in areas such as upbringing, child-rearing, food preference and money-spending. 2. Deciding you’re not compatible • Are you being too picky? • How to point out concerning behaviors to the shadchan 3. Personality tests/horoscopes- are they a good barometer? 4. Friends/Family • What do you do when your family/their family expresses clear distaste for the shidduch? (Elope? Break it off? Work it out?) • What if you like them, but can’t stand their friends/family? • What do you if a friend intervenes and says they think it’s a bad shidduch? 5. Comfort with expressing disagreement- becoming comfortable telling your date that you disagree, and being told that they disagree with you
September 24, 2020
Ep 30: Money Talks
It’s a conversation to have, money talks in Shidduchim. Spending money on dates, paying shadchanim and of course family financial means. 1) Would you date someone who’s poor? Would you date someone who’s rich? Why? 2) When you find the one, what’s the expectation in terms of engagement/wedding gift? Do you/your family intend to stick to the “rules” of who pays for what at the wedding? 3) What kind of lifestyle do you need in a spouse? Frugality vs lavishness. 4) It’s a dog eat dog world: shadchanim who are in it for the money. Do they exist? Have you experienced them? 5) At what point do you feel comfortable spending a lot of money on a date? 6) Getting married when one or both are in school 6) Is there anything wrong with filtering for a rich spouse? 7) Are shadchanim catering to the rich? 8) Do you want to spend big on dates? 9) How to tell they are financially stable/saavy? 10) Are shadchanim catering to the rich?
September 14, 2020
Ep 29: An American Shidduch Story: Worst Dates Ever Part 2 (w/ Callers from Audience)
Do you feel like you had a "Shidduch experience from Gehenim?". In today's episode the crew and our live call in audience discuss some of their worst date experiences ever, which include: 1) The awkwardness of being set up 2) Another occupation mismatch 3) More foreign shidduch policy disaster! 4) Scary dates, just scary 5) Hikes & Yikes shidduch kind of date 6) Can worst dates turn to great dates? 7) The beltdown meltdown 8) Bayswater drinking stories 9) Unmasking the mask 10) Also Avery calls in
August 31, 2020
Ep 28: Rules of Shidduchim w/ Ahava Radio
Ariel Katz from Ahava Radio joins the OG NTS crew, yes that’s Avery, Miss D & IJ. We discuss our progress with the Shidduch podcast as well as a bunch of topic reviews, add-in, and some new stuff on the way. 1) Finding good shadchanim 2) More worst date stories 3) Awkward parent situations 4) Very bad date planning 5) What’s with the HomeDepot date? 6) What are the exact time stamps...traveling, eating..? 7) Music and dating 8) Avery unfiltered :-)
August 23, 2020
Ep 27: Does The Picture Really Matter?
The Shidduch Podcast crew discusses pictures, they are some daters best asset and others worst nightmare. Many times the picture depicts exactly the kind of vibe of the person and with some...it doesn’t even do it’s just. 1) Do you like using profile pictures? 2) Those who don't do photos/ Those who require photos 3) Can you Google or Insta search their pic? 4) First impressions with the photo 5) What is the source of the actual picture 6) Professional photo shoot or screen shot of their WhatsApp 7) can we actually judge off of a picture? 8) Too provocative or overthinking it? 9) What to do if you need another picture 10) If the picture is too quirky 11) Funniest and maybe sad shadchan picture experiences 12) Our new lightening round segment on the most craziest pictures our audience has gotten!
August 10, 2020
Ep 26: Dating Out of the Box and All of Those Quirky Characters
IJ, Yona and Chani discuss people who totally stick out of the resume stack. They are different, loud, don’t fit the status quo and just stick out like a soar thumb. Heck they may just be you! Here are our thoughts on those characters and how to understand whether it’s a good Shidduch for you or not. 1) What exactly is someone who is out of the box? 2) Identifying if you are or aren’t 3) Are we examining the Shidduch Resume too much?? 4) What is the cookie-cuter Shidduch perspective 5) Don’t worry they’re very very normal 6) Toning things down: Do you have to calm down your funkiness and quirks? 7) Purple feather in the hat / funky rainbow skirt...when can these things be unloaded! 8) Why can’t they just have a normal profile pic!! 9) I am not judging the person..I am just judging based off of what you sent via what they put out...this is real! 10) Is it being naive or innocence? 11) Things are ambiguous 12) Can we really live above what the general population does with responses? 13) I don’t date from that area (ex: 5T, Monsey, Queens) 14) I’m noticing a pattern where a person from this place/this Yeshiva/this background tends to have this character trait, even though there’s no logical reason that should be. Should I stop dating those types of people?
July 31, 2020
Ep 25: How To Tell The Shadchan They’re Just Not Up My Alley
In this episode the podcast crew examines the classic responses like: she isn’t my look, he’s not up my alley, I just don’t see it and all of the politically correct responses you’ll need when talking to the shadchan. Remarks to the Shadchan: 1) She’s not up my alley / He’s not “my type” 2) Why can’t they just have a normal profile pic!! OR they don’t do profile pictures...do they want to get married? 3) Physical Aspects and Resume Info: 4) He’s too short / she’s not my figure type 5) Their just not my look 😏 // I just don’t find them attractive! 6) Too loud/quiet 7) Hashkafically different / Different backgrounds 8) I don’t date from that area (ex: 5T, Monsey, Queens) 9) SPECIFIC ISSUES WITH SHADCHAN: Yes your my mother’s friend but you don’t know me so stop sending me outrageous ideas!!! 10) Enough with your sons sloppy seconds!! 11) Remarks from the Shadchan: I’m sorry you don’t approve of my resume. I’ll be sure to not answer your calls anymore. 12) YESSS a coffee date won't kill me but honestly my time is money and its really just gonna be a big FAT no from me 13) Im doing this for 10 years...just trust me! 14) So should I just not say anything to the shadchan 😡 like they don’t even give a hoot at what I have to say! 15) I just got a few No’s back..so yes I will be sounding brash...if they can be picky why can’t I?? 16) The parents are divorced, I have a problem with that 😕 17) AS YOU DATE THEM: Can you just tell him to stop planning our dates around Starbucks!!!
July 23, 2020
Ep 24: Is Ashkenazi Dating Sephardi Interracial?
The NTS crew (now only IJ) has Guest Hosts Lia, Page and Fefe on to discuss Sephardic and Ashkenazi dating. Also a special message from Avery. 1) Are there really barriers? 2) Identifying the cultures 3) Experiences with the interracial dating 4) What it’s like to date Sephardic 5) What it’s like to date Ashkenazi 6) is it always better to stay with the culture that you grew up with or can there be positives to dating outside your culture cubicle: I.e better pesach minhagim less wait time between meat n dairy lol 7) Does one group have it easier than the other when it comes to dating 8) How do you comment on their culture without criticizing them? 9) Why always giving the benefit of the doubt will help reduce the barrier 10) Getting over fear of being judged by family/friends 11) Determining how to "run" your house in a way that makes both sides happy 12) When is it right to open yourself up to new cultural practices (Food, davening, weddings) 13) Is it worth crossing the divide despite the chaos that relationships may incur 14) When you know they are just not willing to give in enough to make you feel comfortable 15) Sterotyping - Overprotective ashkenazi mother- Tyrannical Sephardic father 16) Areas that you won’t be able to make compromises on
July 09, 2020
Ep 23: Conversation Do’s and Don’ts
Conversation do’s and dont’s The NTS Bros host Blair & Serena, two young daters who have a lot to say. Are there conversations you should avoid? Things that need to be addressed? 1) Serious matters to be discussed 2) Girls are usually more submissive when it comes to expressing there opinion on something (& even guys) 3) I don’t know how to tell you this, but I listen to Goyishe music!! 🤭🙈 4) Avoid Discussing who you dated and why it ended, Especially in the begging 5) Real life preferences like Aliyah, how many kids, etc.. 6) Controversial things: Politics 7) If you want to be more frum 8) if you want to be more modern 9) When to compliment the person 10) You look so beautiful 11) There’s an issue in my family I need to tell you about 12) Do you go to Minyan 3 times a day? 13) I don’t daven with a minyan 14) Can you dress better? Have you listened to NTS Ep 21!! Haha 15) I am falling in love with you 16) Finances 17) I hate Rabbis, shadchanim and all ‘em people I shouldn’t maybe be hating BTW 18) I’m not sure if I want to cover my hair 19) Lashon Hara 20) Places, travel and adventure 21) Don’t prolong things 22) Rule breaking and law breaking
June 23, 2020
Ep 22: Shidduch System Survivors - The Newlyweds' Take
Looking back after it all ended The podcast crew brings on a married couple, one party who dated for many years and one who dated for a little bit. Now that they are married we discuss how hard dating was and what we can do to try to make it easier. Here are some things we get to... 1) what would they change, What did they like? 2) Are we looking for reasons why the date shouldn’t or didn’t work? 3) Can we persevere when being Shidduch downtrodden? 4) Are we seeing you many Shadchanim? 5) Rabbi Vs. The Shadchanit 6) What was the biggest struggle with Parents 7) what was the easiest of it all? 8) How did they know Vs when they were told 9) Shadchan experience 10) Family experience? 11) Real challenges singles face as relationship continues 12) What separated the person you married from others you dated 13) How to continue to see the light at the end of the tunnel 14) Lowest points of shidduch dating 15) Getting feedback from the shadchan or from the girl directly 16) It might have been inconsiderate, but I didn’t consider that guy to be inconsiderate
June 12, 2020
Ep 21: Call Her Hot Chani, When She Wears the Heels and He’s Got His Groom On
21 Are girls judged more harshly for how they dress or don't dress up? 1) What should you avoid wearing? 2) If you wear tights are you really frum? 3) Smartest thing to wear? 4) If you don’t like how they dress? 5) Comfort clothing...what date #? 6) The Flatbush look? 5 Towns look? Out of Towns look?!! 7) When can he wear shorts? 8) When he doesn’t let you know it’s a casual date and you show up in a PradaHow is this 9) what happens to Khakis, Jeans & Pigtails? 10) The "Torah" takes on style attraction and getting dressed up (Tznius) 11) Should fashion attire matter for the resume picture? 12) Is it really a make or break? 13) You find their old instagram with “questionable photos” 14) insecurity if the other person dresses too well 15) When can she lighten up on the Tznius thing
June 01, 2020
Ep 20: Is Breaking Bad During Quarantine? Taking A Break Part 2 (w/ The Singles Take)
2 more singles join the Shidduch Podcast Crew to respond to the taking a break now, later or never? Are you thinking about Taking a break? 1. Should I take a break? 2. Benefits of taking a break 3. How long should a break be? 4. Wrong reasons for taking a break (partying, stressing over work, stressing over family) 5. When you are on a quarantine break 6. When you're on a cold streak and don't want to call it a break 7. Reviewing resumes during a break 8. Should you tell people you are just not dating now? 9: Does exiting a serious relationship lead you to a break 10. Jumping back in too early
May 17, 2020
Episode 19: Is Breaking Bad During Quarantine? Taking A Break Part 1 (w/ Therapists)
Dr. Rachael Schindler & Therapist Eli Weinstein joins the Shidduch Podcast Crew. Are you thinking about Taking a break? 1. Should I take a break? 2. Benefits of taking a break 3. How long should a break be? 4. Wrong reasons for taking a break (partying, stressing over work, stressing over family) 5. When you are on a quarantine break 6. When you're on a cold streak and don't want to call it a break 7. Reviewing resumes during a break 8. Should you tell people you are just not dating now? 9: Does exiting a serious relationship lead you to a break 10. Jumping back in too early
May 10, 2020
Episode 18: Zoom Dating? We Both Went Our Separate Zooms After This Long Distance Thing
3 Singles Discuss there Shidduch dating experience while under quarantine. Zoom Dating isn’t new, thousands of singles have done FaceTimes before. But now we are all long distance dating with the COVID19 pandemic. After all said and done, will you both go your Separate Zoom ways? Or is it possible to maintain or start a relationship like this??
April 27, 2020
Episode 17: My best friend is engaged - time to social distance? (w/ special a Coronavirus Dating)
My best friend’s engaged.... now what? 1. The difference between how guys and girls react and deal with it. 2. Reasons why its hard: can friendship be the same? Being single and healing from a breakup. 3. Letting go even though you love your BFF. 4. Recognizing your own feelings that come with this. 6. Life after they get married / learning how to remain close - is it possible? 7. Feelings on your friend for leaving you alone. 8. Hating their spouse, do you tell them? 9. Handling loneliness. 11. Eating, working or drinkng your way through your feelings. 12. Incorporating your friend and their spouse in your life (3rd wheel syndrome). 13. How involved you are in engagement/wedding plans 14. Family members using your friend as an example. 15. Now she wants to set you up with all her friends. This week's episode is sponsored by Audible http://www.audibletrial.com/NobodyTalksShidduchim
March 19, 2020
Episode 16: The One That Got Away (w/ A Purim Special)
Have you ever had someone you were ready to marry and they somehow they got away, in this week's episode the crew discusses some their own experiences with the "one that got away". What is the Disney Effect? Do you have any regrets? Who should you speak to? What would you tell them if you had 2nd chance? Also included is a bonus purim segment which we hope you enjoy. This week's episode is sponsored by Audible http://www.audibletrial.com/nobodytalksshidduchim.
March 06, 2020
Episode 15: Are there other ways to date? - w/modern orthodox matchmakers perspective
Are there other ways to date? - w/ The Modox Matchmakers Getting setup through friends, online dating, app dating and of course social media dating...hm 🧐😄🎧. Also the differences of growing up in a CoEd Hebrew Academy vs Yeshiva & helping us explore the benefits and challenges. This week's episode which is sponsored by Audible, http://www.audibletrial.com/nobodytalksshidduchim.
February 23, 2020
Episode 14: Guys vs Girls - Who has it tougher in shidduchim?
In today's episode we discuss who has it tougher in shidduchim the guys or the girls? We cover many different areas where the girls have it tougher including break ups, resumes, and the emotional aspect of dating. Also debated are some of the challenges for guys when it comes to the logistics of dating, which we discuss with our callers in a humorous and thoughtful way.
February 08, 2020
Episode 13: When he's more into the bentching than the date and she didn't order the salad?! (W/BrooklynFoodSnob)
For today's episode we brought on the Brooklyn Food Snob AKA Rivkie, who is known as one of the foremost experts in NYC food & date spots . We discuss a wide range of issues that can take place when going on a food date. Some of which include, bringing back leftovers, the friendly neighbor approaching you, and can you take that Instagram photo in front of your date?
January 26, 2020
Episode 12: An American Shidduch Story: Worst Dates Ever (w/ Live Call-ins from Listeners)
Do you feel like you had a "shidduch experience from Gehenim?". In today's episode the crew and our new live call in audience discuss some of their worst date experiences ever, which include: The awkwardness of being set up at a wedding, occupation mismatch, and a foreign shidduch policy disaster!
January 12, 2020
Episode 11: Revisits: Same Face Different Place
The gang discusses revisiting a person you had previously went out with before. What if they wanted to revisit with you? What if you wanted to revisit with them? Here are the practical thoughts of singles who have been there...on both ends.
December 28, 2019
Episode 10: Dating more than 1 person at a time but at least they had the same name
The podcast crew gets heated over dating 2 people at the same time! They not only discuss some issues that can come but also the warranted reasoning behind it!
December 20, 2019
Episode 9: I Think He Might Be The One (w/ Dating Coach Hanna Kahana)
Featuring renowned Dating Coach & Shadchan Hanna Kahana. In this epsiode the crew discusses- How you know things are getting serious? The signs to know your shidduch is serious about you and how many dates until we’ve broached the daunting subject of meeting the parents?
December 12, 2019
Episode 8: Singles Events: To Go or Not To Go?
Love them or hate them singles events are marketed to singles constantly! The Nobody Talks Shidduchim Crew discusses personal experiences, best game plans and how to handle yourself at one of these things!
December 03, 2019
Episode 7: Does Age Matter
The Nobody Talks Shidduchim Crew (now with Miss D) discuss age’s role in Shidduchim. At what age is a good time to start dating and how many years can there be between you and shidduch ideas.
November 25, 2019
Episode 6: How To Save a DOA (Dead On Arrival) with Miss D!
We welcome Miss D to the podcast as our guest Co-Host who is representing the women’s voice in Shidduchim! In this weeks episode we discuss unforeseen occurrences that can end a date a lot earlier than planned.
November 15, 2019
Episode 5: Don’t let her plan the date
In “Don’t let her plan the date”, our hosts discuss the controversies regarding boys planning the dates, how to plan your dates? Whether to go to a restaurant or lounge? What's an action date? And of course the controversial concept of can she pick up the check?
November 04, 2019
Episode 4: The Resume Write Up
Give your Resume some character with a write up. In this episode we delve into some other tips for references, a resume outline & what you should be writing up in the write up!
October 14, 2019
Episode 3: I Almost Married The Reference!
We start off on how to structure the resume and then get into the topic of references. Ever have a bad reference? Have you ever called a reference? Get ready for some of the best questions to ask those references listed on a Shidduch Resume.
September 27, 2019
Episode 2: How To Deal With Your Shadchan / Matchmaker
Dealing with shadchanim can be a hands full! Your friends, friend’s mom, your moms friend, your boss’s cousin... Here are the complaints and tips for your best Shadchan experience.
September 16, 2019
Episode 1: First Date Roadmap
A shidduch podcast series exclusively for talking shiduchim in the Jewish Dating world. For Jewish religious orientations: Modern Orthodox, Yeshivish, Hassidic, Lubavitch, Conservative and Machmir.
September 13, 2019
Nobody Talks Shidduchim: Intro
It’s a subject that not too many want to hear or discuss. Nobody Talks Shidduchim is a podcast for those who are facing a true challenge in American Jewish dating. Did we scare you yet? Here you are not alone. There are so many others struggling in Shidduchim and it’s time us singles had a voice for it!
September 03, 2019