From weird cults to insanely stupid inventions, musical festivals run by infants to philandering politicians, the history of man is littered with terrible decisions. This is the podcast that collects up all these delicious pieces of humour fruit, and serves them to you each week with segments such as “Trainwreck Trophy”, “One Star Reservoir”, “Poos in the News” and of course “Shitshow Shtorytime”.
People are cooked. How do we know this? Usually, just a passing glance will do the trick. However, how do we truly understand the method behind the cookery? Google searches.
There are a lot of idiots out there contributing the weirdest search terms that the internet has ever seen. In this very first edition of Trends In Low Places, Gus delivers a range of bizarre and still somehow wildly popular Google searches to Rig, as they try and figure out the answer to the question that has plagued humanity since 1997: Why are people sexually attracted to Pokemon?
Game of Rones Episode XVII: He Touched Me is ready for your listening pleasure. Weird title we know, but we assume Elvis meant it in a biblical sense, not like a sinister Catholic sense. Please don’t make us into a hashtag.
But let us touch you with tales from the low lights of Canberra to the dog statues of Turkmenistan and all the crazy googly-eyed, kid-punching sports mascots in between.
Let us touch your ears with some laughs, and feel free to touch our hearts with a review if you're so inclined.
Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Fails of Our Lives.
In this very special presentation, we turn the magnifying glass on ourselves to go over one of the worst gigs we’ve ever played.
A couple of years ago we were asked to host a major industry awards night. We came, we saw, we failed miserably. This is a recount of what led up to it and how badly it went.
It’s a tale of misplaced grandeur, icy receptions, lost jokes and slave labour.
Click above to listen to our Vietnam.
Welcome to the Gus and Rig Presidential Debate.
2020 has been a year for the books for the USA: Coronavirus has ravaged the country, civil unrest continues, and wildfires are burning through California.
But we don’t care about ANY of that.
In a special (non) televised debate, Gus and Rig go head to head to see whether Joe Biden or Donald Trump will take the precious swing states in this year’s election. They’ll do this not by focusing on the issues or party platforms, but based on the best and worst those states have to offer in terms of trainwrecks.
People will be offended when their state is represented by winners that hosted a ‘meth death party’, denied global warming, reckoned that abortions cause breast cancer and shot themselves in the foot just to see what it felt like.
We also pay tribute to those candidates who never made it to the big stage, mainly due to being no-hopers or just batshit insane. It’s a deluxe spread so sit back and enjoy the yelling.
Once you’re done and you’ve processed all the info, get out and vote if you’re in the US or get on the punt if you’re anywhere else.
eagle scream noise
With bandits at every turn, only the Law of the Saddle keeps things in line in this one horse town. Cougars are eliminated, electronic cock cages are mandatory, no mention of Genghis Khan will be allowed and 8ft tall wooden dicks are used to solve any disputes.
If you can comply with the law, click the link in the bio or find it on your favourite podcast app.
If you can’t, prepare to meet your maker. And by maker, we mean 8ft tall wooden dick.
Game of Thrones Episode XV: The One with the Stoned Guy is now out. And like a horrific hodgepodge of flavours that come with weed-induced munchies, we are giving you jet packs drizzled in crystal meth glaze and topped off with a Taco Bell grenade. It’s craaaazy maaaaaaaaaannnn.
We are stoked that this week’s installment is called Super Buddies because fun fact: that’s what we almost called the entire show before our manager told us of a possible cease and desist from the producers of the Air Bud movies/it was super lame.
This week, we fit about 28 dogs into 14 dogs worth of stories about hypnotism, printer toner, fruit picking and water that “turns you gay” according to a prominent conservative journalist. We use the word journalist very, very loosely.
Air Bud fans call it a slam dunk! Air Bud producers call it grounds for a lawsuit! Listen now, Super Buddies.
Perhaps due to the positive vibes we put out into the universe, or most likely because fans of the show are just the best at sending us f’d up content, we have hit the mother lode. Over several years, phenomenal doctors have been recording the worst nomenclature imaginable and saving it in what we are calling the Batshit Baby Name Bible. We have come into possession of it and good lord there are some absolute knee slappers. Strap in and enjoy.
Game of Rones Episode XIII: Octopussy is now live! It has all the trappings of a classic Bond instalment: nangs, used dongbags by the kilo and someone almost shooting their own dick off.
So don that tux, plant a smirk on your face and ask the bartender to play this over the gramophone at your favourite speakeasy.
We guarantee it’ll leave you shaken. And stirred.
We hope you're ready to return to Savage Beach - a place none of us have ever been and are only mentioning now - and relive the glory days of your first fateful trip! Cast your eyes upon the sandy hellscape you remember, which is now replete with stargates, cases of refreshing Cadaver Ale, beach umbrellas and 260.47kg of crystal meth.
We're gonna have a great time so grab a human table and your favourite glass pipe as we take in the majesty of Savage Beach once again (for the first time).
We are very excited to deliver to you a long form story emailed to us by one of our long term listeners, Hugh.
Inspired by our medical fuck ups, this tale has it all. Part Comedy Central Roast, part potentially life-threatening disease and an Oscar-worthy turn from one of the best supporting characters of all time combine to give you an absolutely belting piece of content for your ears. Enjoy, and if you consider yourself a wordsmith and have something long form, make sure to send it to us at Shitshow.email@example.com
'STOCKS AREN'T THE ONLY THING GOING UP' : Get ready for an actually completely unintentional frisky Game of Rones XI: Debbie Does Wall Street. Listen in as shares in sad handjobs, Blowo's and shitty dating bios go way up, and stocks in replacement dicks, doors and Brisbane plummet.
Make sure to pleasure your ears immediately to this because 'greed is good'.
‘I LIVE MY LIFE ONE QUARTER COCAINE HORSE AT A TIME’: Game of Rones Episode X: F9 is here. This is most definitely and not confusingly the tenth entry in the series, where we push the NOS to 11 (we don’t know cars) and cover off everything from Walmart cowboys to Kevin Hart, and weird conspiracies all the way to Kevin Hart. Enjoy the ear cleanse, friends.
Game of Rones Ep IX: Son of Podzilla is ready for your ears, dear listeners. We’ve got a giant Japanese lizard’s worth of shit to cover and Smash Mouth, porch doctors and rough-as-guts Tinder bios from the country are just the tip of the iceberg.
As two 30+ men, we understand that we are inching ever closer to death and are losing touch with what is popular and why.
So, we decided to head to the source. In this super delectable piece of exclusive pie, we welcome resident young person Tina into the studio to explain Catfishing. Why is it done? What is the point? Has it ever happened to her? All of this will be revealed in this first instalment of “The Kids Aren’t Alright”
When you take one part stupidity, two parts fear and a dash of horrific bedside manner, you get some amazing horror stories from the medical world. We're talking lopped off fingers, testicular ultrasounds, doctors who treat you like a Tinder date, as well as the newest medical innovation, the dick splint. Listen and recoil, just like we did.
Introducing Game of Rones VIII: The Ocho, bringing you the finest in seldom heard stories from around the globe since 2017. If it's barely newsworthy, we've got it here! We've got flag confusion, fat monkeys, tree loaves and much, much more demon jizz. Give your ears a treat and listen now!
The boys are all hopped up on mezcal in this bumper edition of Game of Rones. Turkmenistan comes in hot with all its weird horse stuff, a bloke goes on a costly butter chicken run and our newest volume of Man Vs Tree Biscuit comes to life in Florida. There's also the return to horrible, but also amazing, dating app bios in crowd favourite Iso Horny. Strap your bits in and enjoy the auditory Turkmenbashi.
Homegrown Horrorshows sees us throw a topic out to you the listeners, and see what you come at us with. In this episode, we look at baby names and discover that it is just a scorched landscape of terrible parenting out there. From unnecessary Y's to why you can't name your Lizard son Phillip, it is a solid bite-sized eargasm to start your week.
This week we officially welcome the Return of the Jeppi. Gus’s spawn has arrived and we could not be happier. To celebrate, we will give you a baby shower full of comically bad carjackers, Corona conspiracies and regrettably heaps of post-2011 Kanye West. It’s a belter, so strap yourself in and get right around it.
Introducing Homegrown Horrorshows, our new shortform Eps that focus on a single subject and relevant stories from you, the people. If you'd like to hear more Homegrown Horrorshows, jump on to our Patreon and become a supporter to access our entire catalogue at https://www.patreon.com/gusandrig
This episode we tackle all the big issues - Leonardo the Coke Turtle, how easy it is to break out of an Italian prison, and 'Janitoring' - the new sexual craze the kids won't stop talking about! We also have another instalment of Iso Horny, and Gus waxes lyrical about why male Obstetricians should have their medical licenses revoked. It's a thing, and you have ears - the math checks out. Enjoy!
Gus and Rig explain the most pressing question right now, "WTF is Fear at the Top", in a long form expose about their manager Girgs and their theory on how Shitshow was renamed overnight to Fear at the Top.
Gus introduces Conspiracy Corner (a collection of the most insane conspiracies circulating about Coronavirus), the boys bring you some all-time trainwreck trophy nominations, and a long-time listener unveils that Pornhub Premium is even weirder than we all thought. Buckle up!
At a time of year when you find yourself bracing for shit presents and even shittier interactions with immediate family, the boys are here with a festive feast for the ears that will remind you that someone always has it worse. Jump in the car, lock yourself in your childhood bedroom or "put your kids to sleep", and prepare to listen, laugh, and not murder a cousin or two.
Gus has the segments and Rig brings us the skinny on a bloke who we all thought just made triangles do maths stuff. But throw in a cult, five years of silence, and a bizarre fear of beans, and you've got one hell of a kooky bastard who you won't be able to look in the eye. Mainly because he's been dead for 2500 years.
To change things up and certainly not due to being underprepared, the boys bring you a special edition Shtorytime Smithereens, which is chock full of main course tales. Dig in, and lick the plate clean when you're done.
It's a brand new Smithereens Ep and it's Trainwreck Central, which means there's more tree biscuits, butthole licking, ketamine and PSA's about safe sex than ever before! Get your listening gear around it.
This Ep, Gus takes us on the tale of 1500s astronomer and all-round psycho, Tycho Brahe. This bloke was the full package - a drunken elk owning lad with a nose made of actual gold, who employed a psychic midget and was most likely killed by his assistant. Oh, and to top it all off, he was the inspiration behind Hamlet. We've also got all your favourite segments, and at least one missed sting. Wrap your earholes around it.
WE BACK.....AGAIN. After a mid-season hiatus, Gus and Rig are back with an Ep chock full of Uranium theft, drunk teachers punching on in a burger joint and a woman with a seemingly magic vagina. None of this is a misprint.
Meth squirrels, frozen tree chickens and why the vehicle of choice for zombies is a 2006 Honda Odyssey. It's all this and more in this installment of special format Trainwrecks that didn't make previous eps. Dig. In.
Gus and Rig are back for the next installment of Smithereens, this time focussing on Stories that didn't quite make the cut for a full Ep, with a strict 10-min time limit. Get onboard as they navigate space and time to bring you the very best in full-blown yarns of human idiocy.
With an impending federal election, Gus and Rig unpack everything you need to know about the bland v beige contest this weekend. Enjoy this irreverent look at our nation's future through the eyes of two complete idiots.
Gus has the segments, and fresh from Europe Rig delivers the meaty portion. He brings us the story of the 18th century French eating machine, a man whose eating capabilities were literally used by the army as a weapon.
With Rig galivanting around Europe, we bring you our first installment of Smithereens - a bite-sized episode that features 30 mins of Trainwreck Trophies that were left on the cutting room floor due to a combination of circumstance and censorship.
Back after a 12-month hiatus, Gus and Rig hit the mic to bring you Season 2 of Shitshow. Featuring all your favourite segments as well as some fresh new sponsors, S2E1's Shtorytime focuses on how the US government had a red-hot go at killing all their citizens during prohibition.
It's the season of giving, and thus we've created a Christmas/New Year special Ep to finish off Season 1. It's a deadset Frankenstein, but it'll happily get you through wherever you're driving this festive period. All your favourite segments + plus a one-off special segment from Gus - plug in, tune out, we'll see you in 2018.
Gus has the segments and deals with irresponsible Youtubers, irresponsible gun owners and irresponsible parents in Trainwreck. Following this, we hold a Plebishite to ascertain whether "Poos in the News" should stay as a segment, then after the usual hilarity of "One Star Reservoir" Rig brings us the story of Hiroo Onoda, a Japanese soldier who refused to acknowledge that WWII had ended until 1972, and thus stayed hidden in the Phillipines being a one-man chaos machine.
In our first live show of the season, Rig takes the segments and dominates them with a strong combination of poo-centric news and phone-centric sex apps. Gus then follows up with the Shitshow Shpotlight by taking us through a 2-year period at Microsoft that saw the world's most irritating virtual assistant created, which then spawned the weirdest erotic fiction in history. Bottom line? It was all Melinda Gates' fault.
Recorded live @ Oxford Art Factory Sydney, December 3rd 2017.
Gus has the segments, after which Rig brings us the story of an 18th/19th century rich f*ckboy who played life faster and looser than anybody else in history. He died at 38, but it's a miracle he lived even that long considering what an utter maniac he was.
Rig has the segments and brings FIRE for "Trainwreck Trophy", followed by the divisive segment "Poos in the News". Another round of Uber reviews feature this week in "One Star Reservoir", before Gus reveals what's in the Bain-Marie this week for the Shpotlight - an in-depth rundown on exactly how wrong things went for the 1969 Altamont Free Concert, universally hailed as one of the worst festivals ever held in the history of things. It features both the Rolling Stones and the Hells Angels - trust us, you'll like it.
We manage to screw the recording sideways by not connecting the mics, and as such the sound quality is not the usual 24k magic you know and love. However, if you can stomach the old school recording, it's a belter - Gus has the segments and takes us through Trainwreck Trophy, Poos in the News and One Star. Rig then regales us with the story of a chemical that big pharma vehemently pushed onto the public as an additive to potato chips , despite it causing cancer, weight gain and being a deadset laxative.
Rig has the segments, and Gus tells us the story of Michael Carroll (a.k.a. King of the Chavs), who won £9.7million in the UK lottery and lost it all within 8 years through a series of incredibly stupid decisions.
Gus has the segments and takes us through the rollercoaster of 'Trainwreck Trophy' featuring a wedding photographer who coaxed his clients into a fellatio photo on their big day, a local hero trolling a soccer mum group chat and the court case for the Domino's sex couple from a few episodes ago. Following that he under duress complies with the semi-popular segment "Poos in the News", before finishing strong on people's favourite "One Star Reservoir". Finally, Rig takes us into the world of Steven Perkins in "Sh!tshow Shpotlight", a man whose ability to party and then attempt to work comes crashing down in spectacular fashion.
In a deluxe 20th ep, Rig has the segments and goes bang with some utter gems, including Rugby league calendars, day-time talk-show hosts, racist soap and some 1-star supermarket reviews. Gus then has the meatier segment and brings to the table the story of Gregor MacGregor, a man whose fabricated luxury island con killed hundreds of people and netted him the equivalent of $1.7billion.
Gus has the segments and brings you ex-Aussie PM Tony Abbott's daughter flipping him the bird over same sex marriage, an ESPN reporter who did his first and last sideline NFL gig, and a firefighter who made a profile pic for his swingers profile at work. Following this, you're treated to an airport Poos in the News and another round of Uber-themed One Star Reservoir. Finally, Rig goes bang with an all-time story about how the New York Herald lost their proverbial minds in 1874 and reported that all animals had broken out of Central Park Zoo, featuring the people's fight on 97th St - Giraffe vs Anaconda.
Rig has the segments, and winds his way through Trainwreck Trophy, Poos in the News and an epic One Star Reservoir. Gus then brings us the story of Edna Morris and the Red Lobster "Endless Crab" promotion in 2003 that lost a company $400 million and saw it's creator unceremoniously depart the company.
Gus has the segments, and despite being about 12 seconds from death manages to live through the episode. Trainwreck Trophy features a cringeworthy Ben Affleck interview, Usher spreading STIs and the couple who had sex in a Domino's. Real high-brow stuff this week. Poos in the News is as it always is, and One Star Reservoir sees us delve into the wonderful world of 1-star Uber passenger reviews. Utter Aladdin's cave. Finally, Rig brings us the story of a woman who found an amputated finger in her Wendy's chilli, and proceeded to sue. Turns out there was a lot more to this story than first meets the eye however, and it quickly becomes one of the great legal farces of our time.
Rig has the segments, and dishes up in Trainwreck Trophy a dangerous children's show episode, a guy who got so drunk he didn't realise he'd sold his car overnight, and a racist German politician. He continues with a classic Poos in the News, and the people's favourite, One Star Reservoir. Gus then takes the reins and regales us with the tale of when the Australian Army were defeated by Emus in the 1930s.
Gus has the segments, and in a HUGE week for Trainwrecks looks at mistaken identity on Twitter, a local MP who supposedly ordered a 'special massage' and was extorted at knife point, and the contraceptive device that isn't a contraceptive device, the JifTip. Following that, we've got all your regular favourites in Poos in the News and One Star Reservoir, before Rig goes knee deep in Shtorytime and tells the tale of an incredibly thought-out racist advertising campaign that cost a company $700mil. Enjoy!
Rig has the segments and covers Tasmania, busted Google Robots and Martin Skrelli in Trainwreck Trophy, a Melbourne bus pooper in Poos in the News, and the usual 24k gold of One Star Reservoir. Following this, Gus dives headfirst into the story of Irish 'chef' and hygiene denier 'Typhoid' Mary Mallon, who infected over 50 people with Typhoid in the early 1900s.
This episode Gus has the segments, and looks at Belgian eggs, Trump tweets and banned Russian Olympians in Trainwreck Trophy, followed by the usual shenanigans of Poos in the News and One Star Reservoir. Following this, Rig drops the story of how two men's taste for Schnapps caused the deaths of thousands of infantrymen in an insane case of mistaken identity in 1778.
This episode Rig has the segments, and looks at the Australian Immigration Department, Dominos Pizza and a passport nightmare in Trainwreck Trophy, followed by the usual shenanigans of Poos in the News and One Star Reservoir. Following this, Gus drops the story of Tim Johnston and his 'fuel pill' that robbed people of millions of dollars and sunk the Sydney Kings in 2008.
This episode Gus has the segments, and looks at Ashley Madison, the Irish Herald and Anthony "The Mooch" Scaramucci in 'Trainwreck Trophy', a Manchester woman who attacked a policeman with her butt in 'Poos in the News', and the all-round awesomeness of listener-favourite 'One Star Reservoir'. After this, Rig serves up a piping-hot main course in the form of an 1846 roadtrip across the United States that saw 60 men become cannibals. Oh, and Rig buys an air-horn. Enjoy!
Welcome to our feature-length 10th Episode! Rig has the segments this week, and puts together a ripping Trainwreck Trophy that covers Sam Newman of Footy Show fame, the Hungarian Transport Commission looking a gift horse in the mouth and the unbelievably unprepared Wendy Williams/Billy Ray Cyrus interview. We have a listener-submitted Poos in the News courtesy of a fan, and after a unique One Star Reservoir, Gus delves into a deluxe Shpotlight that looks at the man behind Fyre Festival, the worst festival ever.
Gus has the segments, highlights of which include a Trainwreck Trophy contestant you'll need to check out the Facebook page for, our first dual person Poos in the News, and all the usual radness that is One Star Reservoir. Rig then brings us the Shtorytime of a North Korean propaganda plan in the 1980s that failed spectacularly.
Rig has the segments, and uses them to not mispronounce Spanish words, but instead brings some solid Trainwreck Trophies to the table including a man from Cairns who tried to have sex with a crocodile. Poos in the News unfortunately/fortunately returns after Gus hijacked it last episode, and One Star Reservoir is it's usually awesome self. Following this, Gus tells Rig about why the biggest selling toy of 2007 was found to be so irresponsibly dangerous that it's parent company went bankrupt as a result.
This week Gus has the segments, and as well as demonstrating a complete inability to pronounce Spanish names during Trainwreck Trophy, also reskins controversial portion "Poos in the News" and finds one of history's most scatching reviews to ever be printed. Following this, Rig brings to life the story of why banning plastic bags turned out to be a really, really bad idea in San Francisco.
Rig has the segments again, and delights in delivering the first Sh!tshow rap, a 'Poos in the News' that hails from the fair shores of Australia, and everybody's favourite segment 'One Star Reservoir'. Following this, Gus jumps into the tale of two (unfortunately Aussie) idiots who made headlines all over the globe following the worst-planned bank heist in history.
Gus has the segments this week and brings you a Trainwreck Trophy that features entrants from home and abroad, a 'Poos in the News' that you have to hear to believe, and our first 'One Star Reservoir' that features an owner's reply to a bad review. Following this, Rig dives headfirst into the story of the a-hole who introduced rabbits into Australia in the 1800s.
Rig has the segments again this week, bringing you a "Trainwreck Trophy" involving the New Zealand 'Bachelor' and a violent local politician, as well as another "Poos in the News" and everybody's favourite, "One Star Reservoir". Following these humour snacks, Gus lays on the table the tale of a man whose inventions killed more people than any other human in history.
Gus takes over the segments this week, bringing you a "Trainwreck Trophy" involving South Korean plastic surgery, a 'Request for Incest' and yet another corrupt politician, as well as another "Poos in the News" and everybody's favourite "One Star Reservoir". Following these comedy canapes, Rig tucks into the carb-free main course that examines how one radio station's competition for a Nintendo Wii went very south, very quickly.
Rig takes over the segments this week, bringing you a "Trainwreck Trophy" involving Olivia Newton-John's daughter, Tracy Grimshaw and Johnny Depp, as well as another "Poos in the News" and an all-time "One Star Reservoir". Following these delightful comedic morsels, Gus rolls the sleeves up and drops on Rig the story of one of baseball's worst ever promotional ideas, 1979's 'Disco Demolition Night' in Chicago.
Welcome to Sh!tShow! This week we introduce the new show, featuring segments "Trainwreck Trophy", "Poos in the News", "One Star Reservoir" and "Sh!tshow Shtorytime", and Rig tells Gus the story of popular 1980s toy the Flying Mega Knife.