Sklarbro Country Virus Edition
By Jason Smith
Sklarbro Country Virus EditionJun 08, 2021
THE OLD TOILET PAPER HOARD, WE KNEW YE WHEN.
A police chief steals 5 rolls of toilet paper like it's March 2020. What the hell is happening????
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE NOW DRIVE AROUND FOR YOUR FOOD
When a drunk soldier tries to order food from a cop standing outside her window at a McDonald's drive thru, you knows it time to fire up the dishonorable discharge.
CARPOOL LANE? MORE LIKE CAR-FOOL LANE
Now that traffic is officially back because the pandemic is pretty much over, people are resorting to the old carpool lane scam, but with a new pandemic-y twist.
SUMMERTIME FOR SHADENFRUED
When an anti vaxing pastor gets Covid, it's time for all of us to celebrate. Then when you hear the other racist, homophobic antisemitic things this guy has said in the past, you're like "why didnt' this happen sooner, God?"
HITLER, A FIRST PERSON PROJECT
It's never a good idea to do school project on Hitler if you are going to do it from his perspective. He doesn't understand the havoc he's reaked. And so neither will the report you write in his voice. Yikes
DRUNK TANK
A drunk man leaves a ton of unseemly messages on an Aquarium's voicemail over night. Who knew you could harrass an aquarium?
INVISIBLE SCULPTURE
What is art? We explore that very concept on this episode delving deep into whether or not an invisible sculpture is a priceless work of art. We own several of those already.
GOLD STAR HAT STORE
A Nashville Hat store sold Nazi gold stars to anti vax patrons claiming that the world is treating them like the Nazis treated the Jews in the ghettos. The only things being rounded up here are the Stetson hats from your shelves becasue nobody wants to sell their stuff at an antisemitic store
PUTTING THE COCK BACK IN THE COCK PIT
A Southwest Airlines pilot gets undressed and watches porn in the cockpit. Weirdly enough this goes against Southwest Arlines code of conduct. Who knew?
THIS LAND IS MY PILLOW
The my pillow guy is deemed as too crazy for Republicans but he still has Trump's ear. This would be like the Flex Seal Guy becoming the new Post Master General.
FAKE IT 'TIL YOU MARRY IT
In a desperate attempt to make her old boyfriend jealous, a German woman faked her own wedding.
TOO HOT TO HANDLE
A woman who was busted on a disorderly intoxication charge says the only reason the cops were called on her was because she was too hot. Her words, not ours.
SWANS IN THE COOLER
A 71 year old man puts baby swans in a red cooler in broad daylight. If it feels like a crime that you are watching....it probablyl is.
BEWARE THE MAN UNDER THE POOL DECK
When a man hits another car, he flees and hides under some random person's pool deck.
HALLOWEEN DEOCRATION FAIL
A mom who forgot to take down her Halloween decorations which included a dummy wrapped in a garbage bag and duct taped which looked like a real corpse got a visit from the cops.
EMOTIONAL TURBULENCE
On a flight from NY to SF, a man who snorted white powder from a bag goes nuts forcing the plane to land in minneapolis. This is what flying is like these days.
RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE TRICKY
A man fakes his own death to get his girlfriend to his apartment and then falsely imprisons her with a BB gun. The things we do for love.
BAG OF GAS
When a woman steals a car and gas and then her plan goes up in flames.
COMPANY LUNCH FREEZE OUT
When a part time receptionist at an English car dealership is excluded from team lunches and she is pissed.
28 GOING ON 16
A Miami woman posed as a high school student, and handed out flyers at a high school to boost her socials.
GOING GREEN, SEEING RED
A plant based restaurant and a farmer got into a huge fight on facebook and both the restaurant and the farmer receved harmful threats. Going green? More like seeing red.
BUS(T)ED
A school bus driver's loaded gun was found on the bus by the little kids he was driving. That's maybe the most bus driver thing we've ever heard of before.
YOUR SHORTS HAVE TO BE THIS LONG TO RIDE THIS RIDE
A woman's shorts are too short for an Oklahoma Six Flags. Thank god she was on Tik Tok to let the world know about it.
NEIGHBORHODD TIGER KING
A man collects a loose tiger roaming in a Houston neighborhood. Turns out he's wanted for murder and the house he puts the tiger in has had a capuchin monkey in it too. Nothing to see here though.
HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU BECAUSE HE'S DEAD
A crazy ex-girlfriend who was not invited to her ex boyfriend's funeral shows up anyway and tries to run everyone over.
CLASS TRIP GONE WILD
Two teachers were arrested while chaperoning a class trip in Virginia Beach. Drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, Mr.Weldy.
BUILD THAT MANURE WALL
A farmer in a dispute with his neighbor over a property line decided to punish everyone, including himself, by building a manure wall between the two and we're sure he tried to get Mexico to pay for it.
THE SCHLUBSTITUTE
A Kansas politician working as a substitute teacher at a public school shocked students with religious rants about suicide, masturbation, and same-sex relationships—and then assaulted one of them. This shoudl be the sequal to the Tom Berringer classic. The Schlubstitute.
MCDUMMY
A man holds up a McDonald's, then demands chicken McNuggets but they were still serving breakfast and even if you are at gunpiont, you can't serve a lunch item at breakfast time.
EYES WIDE SHUT
A woman mistakes nail glue for eye drops in the middle of the night and glues her eye shut.
BAGEL BITES YOU IN THE ASS
A woman files a federal suit against a company that makes bagel bites claiming the packaging doesn't indicate that it's not real mozerella and tomato sauce on the bagel bites. Ths is a woman who's husband wants this to go through so he can say to the world, "See? See what i have to deal with on a daily basis?"
WHEN IS THE VACINE NOT THE VACINE: IN FLORIDA
A Florida school tells it's faculty not to take the vaccine, which they call an experimental drug, until more can be known about it's affects. You mean more than what the FDA tested and approved?
MIRACLE CURE
A Florida man and his three sons were accused of selling bottles of bleach to people called "miracle cure" for coronavirus and other ailments. Now hold on a second. If you are dumb enough to buy this, then maybe this could be a great natural selector. They have voter suppression and we have "miracle cure".
ZOOMIN' DA BUTT
Apparently a Florida nurse inadvertently broadcast herself giving a butt injection on a zoom while she waited for her virtual court date. You simply can't backdoor that stuff
USHBUCKS UP IN THE CLUB
Usher, the man with Ludicris levels of money allegedly paid strippers in Ushbucks which are not legal tender. Yeah! Yeah! Ushbucks got the currency that make the check go bounce.
THE BIRTHDAY PRESENT LOTHARIO
A Japanese man is suspected of having serious relationships with 30 women after giving them all birthday presents. He's a part time worker but a full time playa!! This all doesn't seem worth the trouble to us.
THOSE WHO TREATEN STUDENTS CAN'T TEACH
We meet one of the worst teachers ever. An IT teacher goes on a trip with students and threatens pupils while getting drunk and forcing a few students to join him at a strip club
GENDER REVEALS THE PARENTS ARE DBAGS
Can we please stop having elaborate, explosive gender reveal party? This latest one caused a goddamned earthquake!!
DESTINATION WEDDING DENIED
You can't plan a wedding off the cuff and you have to secure your venue like with a deposit or a contract before you invite people to your two day destination wedding at a Florida mansion. If you don't THIS can happen
CAT SCRATCH FEVER = CORONAVIRUS
Ted Nugent, one of hte world's biggest assholes was a coronavirus denier until he got it. Can anyone say poetic justice?
SHAKIN' HIS CANADIAN BACON
A Canadian House of Commons MP is caught on his zoom camera completely naked during a house session. His excuse: he was about to go for a jog.
FROG IN THE MASHED POTATOES
A young woman finds a black chunk in her Cheesecake Factory mashed potatoes and she thinks it's a frog.
DOWN THE GIANT RABBIT HOLE
When a giant rabbit is stolen, we ponder the big question: why are people breeding giant rabbits anyway?
RUNAWAY GROOM
A groom shows up at the wrong wedding location and almost marries someone else. This shoudl be a great marraige
FREEDOM OF ANAL EXPRESSION
A man farts on a police officer and then claims it should fall under fredom of expression
JET SKI ROMEO
A man who didn't know how to swim or ride a jet ski rode one across 27 miles of choppy cold sea water to be with a woman who he would break up with 3 months later. Ah love.
THE COUNTY (TOILET) SEAT
A Jefferson Davis confederate chair monument gets stolen by tattoo artists who want to turn it into a toilet. We ask, who is hurt by this? This should be the plot of Flushed Away 2
FINGERNAILED IT!
When a woman cuts her fingernails for the first time in 30 years, we all don't feel so bad about how we havent' showered that much during the pandemic.
HITTING ROCK BOTTOMLESS MIMOSAS
When a woman has several mimosas at a bottomless brunch. Then it gets out of hand when she falls off her friend's shoulders and knocks out her front teeth.
MS. WORLD MISHAP
Controversy at the Ms. World competition after a scuffle breaks out when the pageant winner is revealed to be a divorcee. Wait, why are beauty pageants still happening, during a pandemic? Or anymore?