SmudgeTalk

As a child, pennies meant the world to me because finding them meant I could afford sweet candy treats from Mr. Goodmans Radio & Penny Candy Shop lol! However, as I grew deeper into poverty and being a teenager, the innocence was lost, made me detest cheap sentiments of pennies because they were a constant reminder of hard times and being poor. I remember how harsh passer Byers were towards transient folks, winos and addicts by tossing brown coins at them like garbage, so forceful that it would cut exposed skin and make them bleed. How pitiful and desperate their faces appeared, grappling to catch the change. The site made me angry and sad because I remember the same treatment being done to us and worse from our own family at times when we were out there without a home. The memories make me sad to this day. Fast forward to the summer of 2005 which marked the last conversation my mother and I would ever have in the flesh before her untimely death months later. I remember how special our relationship was. I remember how humble and thoughtful she was. How she taught us to appreciate brown spots on bananas and to pick up brown coins when we crossed their paths. During our last conversation my mom shared so many priceless things to include messages of remorse, apologies, gratitude. She mentioned that to try in life was the best part and that even though she might not be around much longer, she would always look after me. She jokingly said that if she passed away, and I saw a penny that would be her saying hello. And as harsh as the drugs diseased my mothers outlook toward me, she had a way of bringing out a child like silliness, only mom knew how. I had to learn that ancestors will always find a way to communicate even beyond this life if we just stay open to their voices. The pennies were my mother's tangible mouth piece, sent through as cryptic messages from the ancestral realm. Admittedly, it took me some time to start listening when she would speak. I found myself asking so many questions, and being overwhelmed, not knowing what she was trying to communicate right away. I’m learning to intuit messages through dreams, in the pennies and the cowries she sends my way now. I feel like I can receive messages clearly now. I started collecting pennies again like I did as a child, but this time I offer them to mama and her penny bowl on my ancestral altar. This episode is a 30 minute dialogue highlighting what would've been, Shirley Ann Berrys 61st celestial birthday. How I discover new ways to celebrate her life. This year she communicated more than others. She visited my dreams months leading up to her birthday. She kept asking me to bring her flowers. I totally dismissed that she was buried at Fernwood. I never wanted to visit her there, but I realize that it wasn’t about me. She needed me to be there for her. I had a difficult time finding her plot. I tearfully asked her for signs out loud. One by one, she sent the birds, then the bumblebees, leading me right on top of her unmarked grave. Where her bones lay bare, part of the earth beneath. I came bearing gifts of flowers, cowries, and cotton bulbs . Ethereal how Mamas teachings grow me still. Shirley teaches me to never be numb to life, pain and triumph. Shirley loved red. Shirley said that I am destined for greatness. Shirley said that she will always help me to be greater, no matter dead or alive. What a courageous blush Shirley is. What an honor to celebrate my first human example, my mother, my ancestor. Enjoy this sweet story time ya'll, as I reflect on grief, loss, tragedy and triumph. The warmth and healing my mom brings to my life keeps my world from standing still. Ase’O! Warmest, Gracie

My deepest gratitude to Esu’ for keeping our Ase' Affirmations safe on this beautiful voyage. 

Blessings to the 62 people including myself that left Ase’ Affirmations to our ancestors in that bowl, know that your ancestors got your messages long before this moment, I just ushered them out into the universe from an Ifa perspective. Y’all dope! 

After walking for hours in the woods, meeting a tree ancestor with a sweet face, and encountering a mob of racist white people only to make it safely to the creek area, to be blessed by all the elements and the sound of Afrikan drums in the distance (like seriously during the moment I started the live video lol)! Copy my Blogs link below to see the LIVE VIDEO and to read in more detail about my journey: 

https://girlrillavintage.me/2022/07/03/ase-ancestor-affirmations-offerings-voyage-thangs/

 Listen to all the divinely guided twists and turns in this unedited, interactive conversation between me and my folks at PAVAA Gallery. Shout out to Dumas, Gerri, and Teetos for their contribution! Ase’O, TheeAmazingGrace

Share yo damn gifts 

Just because a thousand people have similar gifts to you doesn’t invalidate your gifts. That’s the beauty about being an individual, the way you birth an idea into the world is not going to be the same as an another person, so share yo damn gifts! The world needs them just as much as you need to share them.