Skip to main content
Social Distancer

Social Distancer

By Larry Lawrence
Politics, news and entertaining bits from a COVID shielder.
A new episode once a week - usually Fridays.
Listen to the archive of 200+ episodes.
Email / Twitter: @podcastingCOVID
Listen on
Where to listen
Apple Podcasts Logo

Apple Podcasts

Breaker Logo


Google Podcasts Logo

Google Podcasts

Overcast Logo


Pocket Casts Logo

Pocket Casts

RadioPublic Logo


Spotify Logo


Currently playing episode

Episode 200! - Noel in New York! The Covid Awards! Music to get down to!

Social Distancer

Episode 200! - Noel in New York! The Covid Awards! Music to get down to!

Social Distancer

Episode 225 - Noel in New York! UFO in Dartington! India variant dominates!
A bumper show! Noel shares a brilliant account of a few days in New York! I voice the testimony of an eyewitness to a UFO in Dartington 20 years ago! Plus, the India variant dramatically pushes deaths, hospitalisations and cases up and Cummings targets the Sausage and Mancock! In Paranormal Blip alongside the Dartington UFO, Lue Elizondo on fractals and RADAR footage released by Jeremy Corbell. Here's Corbell's interview with George Knapp explaining the footage:
May 30, 2021
Episode 223 - India variant! Dodgy Dave! New US Navy footage of UFO submerging into ocean!
Alongside the India variant and Dave Cameron being dodge, the big news is after the outro music - Corbell and Knapp have released new footage of the USS Omaha UFO event from 2019 - 3 days of UFO activity, at one point at least 14 UFOs tracking the ship! Here's the link:
May 16, 2021
Episode 222 - Covid was widespread in Italy in 2019! Labour civil war! High strangeness at Skinwalker Ranch!
Starmer is facing a civil war in Labour after disappointing election results - incumbents prospered from the vaccine rollout success. Plus, Dr John Campbell highlights an amazing study showing Covid was widespread in Italy as early as September 2019! After the outro music I discuss an rumoured upcoming 60 Minutes report on UAPs and Skinwalker Ranch, a site of regular paranormal activity for hundreds of years! *Swearing*
May 9, 2021
Episode 221 - The Shortie! 100 days of President Biden! Sausage scandal! India update!
I promised you a shortie and I deliver! Feeling rough, I zip through the big news stories and leave you with a mind-blowing Paranormal Blip after the outro. *Swearing*
May 3, 2021
Episode 220 - Phil's Year in Review! India's Covid Crisis! Tory Sleaze!
The foundation stone upon which this episode is built is my brother Phil's audio detailing a difficult year of dealing with his children's school. We also look at the tragic situation in India, Tory sleaze and Biden's success leading up to his first 100 days in office. In Paranormal Blip after the outro I run down another busy week of UFO/UAP stories and play a snippet of Lue Elizondo's press call. Sophie Hill's brilliant My Little Crony project is here:
April 24, 2021
Episode 219 - Noel in New York! I get my 2nd vaccine on Saturday!
Noel sends a brilliant report from New York, giving us the opportunity to look at the Covid year in the US. I look forward to getting my 2nd vaccine jab on Saturday. Plus, Cameron is up to his neck in a lobbying scandal. In Paranormal Blip three US Senators discuss their UAP/UFO concerns. Also, I'm still fighting back a cold. The backing track Noel uses is Half Mystery by Kevin Macleod:
April 14, 2021
Episode 218 - Joanna in Scotland! AZ Vaccine latest! US Navy filmed UFOs!
The foundation stone upon which this episode is built is Joanna's brilliant summary of her Covid year. We look in-depth at the impact Covid has had on Scotland. Plus, the AZ vaccine has a very rare clot side effect and I feel rough ennuf to do a Covid test (negative, thankfully!). Also, a rich, old creepy racist died. By far the biggest story of the week is covered In Paranormal Blip - footage of pyramid-shaped UFOs filmed by the US Navy in 2019, released this week by documentary filmmaking Jeremy Corbell. I trumpet this footage - Pictures and video show Unidentified Flying Objects moving above U.S. Navy warships - YouTube - and this interview - Mystery Wire Podcast - July 2019 Pyramid UFO swarm over a U.S. Navy destroyer - YouTube- with George Knapp and Corbell.
April 9, 2021
Episode 217 - Responses to the Commission on Race and Ethnic Disparities Report
The main news this week is the widespread criticism of the Commission on Race and Ethnic Disparities Report, which cherry picked statistics to make a case the chairman has been arguing for 20 years. Plus, I talk about going back to my workplace after shielding, the most likely UK Covid trajectory and two huge ministerial scandals. In Paranormal Blip, Lou Elizondo shares some fascinating information about the work he did leading Advanced Aerospace Threat Identification Program (AATIP). *Swearing*     
April 2, 2021
Episode 216 - Catherine in Ireland! A year of Johnson's mistakes! Flag madness!
The foundation stone upon which this episode is built is Catherine's brilliant report from Ireland, looking back on the Covid year. Johnson rewards the dangerously incompetent Jenny Harries by putting her in charge of preventing future outbreaks. Plus flag jingoism and Israel's vaccine success. After the outro music, in Paranormal Blip I praise a brilliant new documentary - buy or rent here: - and look at a bumper week of UFO stories in the media. *Swearing*
March 25, 2021
Episode 215 - Anniversary Special! Emily in Tokyo!
Happy Anniversary!! The foundation stone upon which this episode is built is Emily's brilliant report from Tokyo. I compare Japan's Covid response to Britain's, talk about how the Covid year has affected me and look at the latest vaccine news. Plus, in Paranormal Blip Porchoice asks a question! *Swearing*   
March 19, 2021
Episode 214 - Sexism and racism in the UK
The shocking murder of Sarah Everard has led to women sharing their experiences of abuse by men on social media. I also examine the pitiful response to Meghan and Harry calling the UK media racist. Plus, £37 billion for Test and Trace and Biden signs the Covid Rescue Bill. *Swearing*
March 12, 2021
Episode 213 - *UPDATED* Meghan Harry Oprah Vs Royals! Biden: vaccinate all adults by the end of May!
I jump into the start of the show for a quick anti-royal rant. Also, Biden announces a hugely ambitious plan and Dolly Parton takes on the cowards. In the UK at least 147,000 people have died of Covid 19, while cases and vaccines are affected by deprivation. In Paranormal Blip I outline a unified theory of all things paranormal! *Swearing*
March 8, 2021
Episode 212 - Biden marks 500,000 Covid deaths in US! Salmond Vs Sturgeon! Paranormal Blip!
Biden gives a moving speech to mark a terrible milestone. Alex Salmond accuses Sturgeon's government of obstructing justice. Plus, the decline in UK Covid cases slows and in Paranormal Blip we look at George Knapp, the reporter whose Bob Lazar interviews made Area 51 famous. *Swearing*
February 26, 2021
Episode 211 - UPDATED! Roadmap: Masks in classrooms! Emma on an uncanny coincidence! Cruz Vs Texas!
** Updated at 35.08 to cover Monday's roadmap, where finally the Sausage announced masks in classrooms (for three weeks!).** We bump into old friends on Dartmoor, a strange coincidence with a tiny mathematical probability; maybe it's the many worlds theory in operation! Plus, Cruz flees frozen Texas, I preview the Sausage's plans to end lockdown and Paranormal Blip looks at the Washington Flap and Robert Bigelow. *Swearing*
February 22, 2021
Episode 210 - Historic Impeachment! Possible Covid futures! Launch of Paranormal Blip!
We deep dive into the House Managers' case for Impeachment, look at the most likely Covid scenario for 2021 in Europe and North America, launch a Paranormal Blip section and celebrate the end of Lost! Commander David Fraver's interview with Lex Fridman, from Sept 2020, is here:
February 12, 2021
Episode 209 - I've had my first vaccination shot! Jackie Weaver! Biden's rescue plan latest!
I talk thorough the process of being inoculated with the first shot of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine. Plus an English parish council Zoom meeting bust up, Biden, Harris, the sausage, Christopher Plummer and a few minutes of remembering Lost season 5!
February 5, 2021
Episode 208 - Trump was a Russian asset!
Trump was monitored by USSR agents from 1977! 10 years later in Moscow, the KGB suggested he persued politics! Plus, vaccines, long covid and Lost season 4. *Swearing*
January 29, 2021
Episode 207 - Inauguration special! UK variant: 30-40% deadlier! Surprise sea shanty! Lost spoilers!
The Biden Harris Inauguration was a brilliant, beautiful celebration. Meanwhile in the UK, Sausage Johnson announces the UK variant is more deadly - big surprise! Plus, a listener sends a sea shanty and I try to remember what happened in Lost Season 3. *Swearing*
January 23, 2021
Episode 206 - Trump impeached again! The insurrection was planned! 100,000 UK Covid deaths! Lost Spoilers!
Evidence is mounting that the January 6th storming of the Capitol was planned, and could have been a lot worse. Trump becomes the first president in history to be impeached twice. The grisly milestone of 100,000 UK Covid deaths finally puts the death toll on the front pages! After all the pain and suffering, we hear from Malcolm Normal and then stick around for a spoiler review of Lost Season 2! *Swearing*  
January 15, 2021
Episode 205 - Deluded loser Trump incites treasonous chaos! Record deaths! Lost spoilers!
Trump supporters ransack the Capitol, and Covid has never been worse than it is now in the UK and US. On a much lighter note, Porchoice asks a question and I talk Season 1 of Lost with spoilers, which starts at 39.38, after the main show outro. *Swearing*
January 8, 2021
LOCKDOWN 3 Special! Stay at home! Trump caught on tape!
The Sausage launches Lockdown 3 with all the enthusiasm of a haunted tree. Plus, Trump gets caught on tape pleading for Georgia's leaders to rig the vote. *Swearing*
January 4, 2021
Episode 204 - UPDATED Review of 2020! The Sausage speaks! Vaccine approval! Tier movement! New song!
UPDATED with all the big news on the vaccine, schools and tiers! And a new song! As cases surge, the new variant demands our focus on staying safe, and the government fails to respond effectively, we look back at an extraordinary year. *Swearing*
December 30, 2020
Episode 203 - The Christmas Special! Film reviews! Music! Premonitions!
We celebrate Christmas with surprises, songs, laughter and the latest news on the deadly virus! *Swearing*
December 23, 2020
Episode 202 - UPDATE: Tier 4! Covids flee London! Stay safe at Christmas + Tom Cruise's COVID rant!
We break into the episode to discuss Tier 4 and the new Christmas restrictions. We look at the 10 principles to ensure a safe Christmas, discuss why Tom Cruise lost his cool and round up all the COVID news! Plus, the Neasden song! *Swearing*
December 20, 2020
Episode 200! - Noel in New York! The Covid Awards! Music to get down to!
To celebrate 200 episodes Noel sends another brilliant journal entry, I go to the roots of walking between the raindrops and the Covid Awards cause a big stink! Plus, music from this and other centuries! *Swearing* From the very early days of the podcast, Noel has contributed his thoughts via extraordinary audio journals - iconoclastic, personal and profound - charting the course of the devastation COVID has wrought on New York. Listen to all five contributions: 1 - Ep 6 (March 21st): 2 - Ep 14 (March 29th): 3 - Ep 34 (April 18th): 4 - Ep 100 (June 16th) : 5 - Ep 200 (December 4th):
December 4, 2020
Episode 199 - Vaccine jingoism!
While Gavin Williamson, the only being in any realm that gives the Devil himself bad vibes, pushes the vaccine jingoism too far, Fauci muscles in on the action. *Swearing*
December 3, 2020
Episode 198 - BioNTech/Pfizer vaccine is approved!
A day to remember in a year to forget, as a silly prick said today. Distribution of the vaccine will begin next week. Plus, Giles Brokensha's brilliant Advent Calendar project can be viewed on YouTube here:
December 2, 2020
Episode 197 - Social Distancer will go to one show a week from next week!
Following the drama of the US election and knowing the probable shape of the Covid crisis for the next few months, we will make SD a weekly show after this Friday's Episode 200! Thank you so much for listening and we look forward to tracking the next few months of the story with you! *Swearing*
December 1, 2020
Episode 196 - Lockdown 2 is working! R falls, below 1 in some regions!
New data gives good news on the impact of lockdown, I interrupt Trump and some people are dining the new tiers wierdly confusing. *Swearing*
November 28, 2020
Episode 195 - Tiers for fears! Thanksgiving special: Trump, cronies & hope for better days
Happy Thanksgiving! Have a safe one! We are gearing up for a different Christmas and hoping this time the tiers work. *Swearing*
November 26, 2020
Episode 194 - Zinc down the sink: vaccine queen sutures future, lays low unseen foe!
Dr Sarah Gilbert to the rescue! Hooray for science! Boo to the sausage! Hooray for Melbourne! *Swearing*
November 23, 2020
Episode 193 - There is no news! But 57 years ago today JFK was assassinated!
Today is so slow we are reporting what Chris Christie said! But 57 years ago it was all go in the newsrooms. *Swearing*
November 22, 2020
Episode 192 - Lockdown 2 isn't working: cases continue to rise across most of England
15 days into Lockdown 2 and cases are still rising across England. Meanwhile Trump guns for Michigan and Priti Patel gets away with breaking the ministerial code of conduct. *Swearing*
November 20, 2020
Episode 191 - Joanna in Scotland! New restrictions to start on Friday
Joanna reports on the new restrictions in Scotland. Also, the National Audit Office and Starmer at PMQs scold the UK government's corruption and Laurie Garrett summarises the extent of the Covid crisis across the US. Listen to the whole Laurie Garrett interview on Hell and High Water: *Swearing*
November 18, 2020
Episode 190 - More great vaccine news!
Moderna are reporting 94.5% effectiveness on early data of their trial. Great news! But it's the love story behind the BioNTech/Pfizer vaccine that'll be made into a Hollywood movie! *Swearing*
November 16, 2020
Episode 189 - Cummings' legacy: lies, corruption and distrust
Sausage Johnson's government is an example of what happens when a leader can't lead. Cummings set the template for lies, corruption and distrust, but those failures all belong to Johnson. *Swearing*
November 16, 2020
Episode 188 - Dominic Cummings leaves: a misconceived slumming
Cummings is out the door! What does it mean for the world? A conman is rarely a good leader; Governor Andrew Cuomo talks about this with David Axelrod - the full interview is here:
November 13, 2020
Episode 187 - UK & US keep on grifting in the free world
Sausage Johnson is up to his neck in it. Trump is conning his supporters. Thankfully Sophie Hill is on the case! Her brilliant visual mapping of the connections between the Tory party, corporations and friends can be found here: *Swearing*
November 11, 2020
Episode 186 - New Zealand special! Living thorough a pandemic with support from a caring government
Another special episode, charting a few of the many contrasts between New Zealand and UK responses to Covid. Thank you to Rupert Herring for the brilliant report. *Swearing* Check out Rupert's website here:
November 9, 2020
Episode 185 - Biden Wins! Election Victory Special!
Joe Biden and Kamala Harris make history by winning with the most votes for any presidential ticket in US history - 75 million so far. *Swearing*
November 8, 2020
Episode 184 - The world waits for Biden's victory!
A quick episode: the vote is taking a long time to count. While Biden is preparing for transition, Trump is losing his cool in the White House. *Swearing*
November 7, 2020
Episode 183 - Biden on the cusp of victory!
More people voted in this US election than any other, and Biden is on the cusp of securing enough states to reach 270. *Swearing*
November 4, 2020
Episode 182 - New map: 345 - 193. Biden will win Texas & Arizona, but lose Florida & North Carolina!
With 9.7 million votes cast already (8% more that the 2016 total!) Texas looks very good for Biden. But it's too close for comfort in Florida and North Carolina. Good luck tomorrow if you are voting ♥️ *Swearing*
November 2, 2020
Episode 181 - UK Lockdown Two: Masks in schools should be mandated now
With Scotland and France mandating masks in schools, there's a small chance Sausage Johnson will mandate it in England. Without schools getting safer quickly the R number will decline slowly. Plus, the latest polls look good for Biden. *Swearing*
November 1, 2020
Episode 180 - The Times report National Lockdown from Weds Nov 4th to Dec 1st!
The Times have a big scoop: national lockdown announced on Monday for 1 month, but The Torygraph are leading with Tier 4! Hopefully the sausage will go for the big lockdown and save many lives. Meanwhile Biden goes to Minnesota. *Swearing*
October 30, 2020
Episode 179 - Sir David King: Johnson's response is criminal; deaths could have been 1000
Sir David King suggests the UK government response has been a criminal mistake, and a robust Test, Trace and Isolate strategy would have limited deaths to 1000. Meanwhile, Biden's routes to 270 electoral college votes look good. *Swearing*
October 28, 2020
Episode 178 - Northern Tories to Sausage Johnson: What's your plan to get out of the tiers?
Tory MPs in the North are feeling the heat from their constituents, so they wrote a letter to the meaty turd. Meanwhile, Biden is expanding the map as more than 62 million votes have already been cast in the US election. *Swearing*
October 26, 2020
Episode 177 - Sunday Superspreader Special! Can Biden Win Texas?
We go long with guest appearances by Brad Pitt, Porchoice, the Secretary General of WHO, Christina Pagel and Anthony Costello. Can Biden win Texas (and achieve a historic landslide)? Dr Richard Murray at University of Houston says yes! *Swearing*
October 25, 2020
Episode 176 - Trump Vs Biden Final Debate Review
Trump had a cohesive line of attack in Thursday's debate, but was it enough to slow Joe's momentum? *Swearing*
October 23, 2020
Episode 175 - Leading SAGE scientist: "tens of thousands of deaths" in UK by Christmas
John Edmunds outlines why Sausage Johnson's three tiers approach will fail and suggests tens of thousands of Covid deaths by the end of the year. Plus, Starmer plays a blinder and Giuliani is exposed by Borat. *Swearing*
October 21, 2020
Episode 174 - Where's the circuit break? Sausage Johnson would rather save face than save lives
With Wales and the Republic of Ireland joining Northern Ireland in lockdowns, England is late again. Plus, in the US Trump goes crazy and people are voting early in unprecedented numbers; 29,600,000+ already! *Swearing*
October 19, 2020
Episode 173 Nonmibus Special - Oh Carolina! North Carolina boosts Biden's lead: 334 - 204
Oh Carolina! I have looked again at North Carolina and slotted it neatly in Biden's dodgy old column. Meanwhile Jacinda Ardern wins a historic landslide and Michael Gove makes everyone feel sick. *Swearing
October 18, 2020
Episode 172 - Andy Burnham Vs Sausage Johnson / Biden Vs Trump!
Trump acts strangely for a president while Biden attracts more viewers and raised far more money in September. Meanwhile Burnham isn't taking any nonsense from Sausage Johnson. *Swearing"
October 16, 2020
Episode 171 - Northern Ireland circuit break & my US Election Prediction: Biden 319 Vs Trump 219
*Correction - my chubby little fingers kept mucking up the electoral college map! Earlier episode titles have different numbers for Biden Vs Trump, but Florida for Biden, plus Arizona, Michigan, Penn. & Wis make up 319. I'll apologies profusely on Friday* Northern Ireland are starting a four week circuit break from Friday. Plus, I predict Biden will win the election with Florida, but Trump will hold on to Ohio, Georgia and North Carolina. It's a cautious prediction (the polls suggest a bigger win for Biden) and I'll review it closer to November 3rd. *Swearing*
October 15, 2020
Episode 170 - BREAKING: SAGE wanted circuit break 3 weeks ago but Johnson's 3 tiers changes little.
After much hype, Sausage Johnson announces very little to an underwhelmed, cynical public. The R value won't be too affected by the 3 tiers. SAGE called for big changes three weeks ago, including a two week circuit break and online University teaching! *Swearing*
October 12, 2020
Omnibus: Covid Made Me Do It!
Margaret Ferrier the SNP MP, who is thinking of changing her name to Rose Garden because she's so good at spreading Covid, has blamed her terrible decision making on the poor virus! Also, Trump crashes into Earth and Cindy McCain is campaigning for Biden. Plus, the world's youngest Trend Report. *Swearing*
October 11, 2020
Episode 169 - The panic and stress of waiting for a Covid test result. It's negative!
I discuss how the last nightmarish few days are the fault of an incompetent government. We've never come so close to having Covid find a way into this house. Thankfully, we are still Covid free. *Swearing*
October 10, 2020
Episode 168 - Michelle Obama's Closing Argument
Michelle Obama dissects the choice in this election, the polls look good for Biden and Scotland restrict drinking in pubs. Watch Michelle Obama's speech here: *Swearing*
October 7, 2020
Episode 167 - BREAKING: Trump leaves hospital despite basic details of his condition left unanswered
Trump wants to project the idea of strength and is bored of staying at Walter Reed, so he's going back to the White House! Meanwhile Hattie Mancock explains how a computer error put 50,000 lives at risk! *Swearing*
October 5, 2020
Omnibus - Trump's Covid: beyond the spin, how ill is the president?
Trump is now on three experimental therapeutic regimes to combat his Covid-19. We analyse his doctor's press briefings, his video and his publicity shots showing him hard at work at two different desks! Plus, the trend report looks at the week's cases around the world.
October 4, 2020
Episode 166 - BREAKING: Trump flown to Walter Reed hospital!
How ill is the president? Breaking news tonight that he has been flown by helicopter to Walter Reed hospital. What are the implications? We discuss two different futures depending on the severity of Trump's covid illness. Plus, Biden wishes Trump the best an SNP MP sheds Covid in the House of Commons before getting a train to Scotland! *Swearing - but not as bad as Kathy Burke!*
October 2, 2020
Breaking news: Trump tests positive for Covid!
Huge news with potentially historic implications: Trump has just tested positive for Covid!
October 2, 2020
Episode 165 - Debate Review: Elemental Trump; raw fury as Trump fights to save his presidency.
Trump crashes the debate. He needed to win bigly, but lost it completely. *Swearing*
September 30, 2020
Episode 164 - Trump Vs Biden debate preview
We preview tomorrow night's Trump Vs Biden debate; what it means for each candidate, what to expect and what the polls indicate. Plus, use the link below to book a free place to tune into Noel reading his April 15 journal entry as part of the Voices of Lefferts book launch. Noel read the entry out on Episode 34 - it's his incredible writing on starlings. The book launch is via Zoom, Thursday 1st October at 7.30pm ET. Https://
September 29, 2020
Omnibus: Breaking News - Trump's Tax Bombshell
The New York Times have published a huge story tonight, detailing Trump's tax returns. How will it impact Tuesday's debate and will it' shift undecideds? Plus, the Trend report and Porchoice. *Swearing*
September 27, 2020
Episode 163 - Crazed confrontation on the bus births a new superhero: "I'm the Window Opener!"
Earlier today I had fun on a bus, the kind of fun you really don't want to have when trying to dodge a lethal airborne virus! Plus Trump, Andrew Neil, universities & test and trace latest. *Swearing*
September 25, 2020
Episode 162 - Why is a government advisor promoting herd immunity bullshit?
With cases increasing rapidly and the tiny restrictions put in place by Sausage Johnson already drawing criticism, why has a government advisor drafted a letter (widely publicised) calling for the government to protect the old and vulnerable and let herd immunity build up in the population? Byline Times reveal the signatories' links to the Tory government and Trump's administration. *Swearing* Read the Byline Times article here:
September 23, 2020
Reaction Special! The sausage spews one good line: "Your mild cough is someone else's death knell"
The sausage speaks! Instant reaction from Johnson's announcement tonight. *Swearing*
September 22, 2020
Episode 161 - Pubs & Restaurants to close at 10pm
Following Whitty and Vallance today, Sausage Johnson will announce that pubs and restaurants will close at 10pm from Thursday. But is that enough to stop the exponential growth of the virus, and will a sceptical public change their behaviour for a government they distrust? *Swearing*
September 21, 2020
Omnibus Episode 8: 14th - 20th September. Johnson fails while infections surge.
Test and Trace has collapsed, Sausage Johnson wants out and the infection is rapidly spreading unchecked. Meanwhile Trump, for the first time ever, sounds presidential! *Swearing* Protect Scot app: Covid 19 Zoe app:
September 21, 2020
Episode 160 - UK infections are doubling every 8 days
We look into a few days of data: a collapsing test and trace, a rising R value, hospitalisations sharply rising and the infection doubling every 8 days. *Swearing*
September 18, 2020
Episode 159 - No trace of tests: new normal falls apart
The test and trace system has collapsed and now Sausage Johnson is saying it'll be 6 weeks until it's back on track! The researcher thinks lots of schools will close in two weeks. At home, things get hairy as I try to get a test and of course can't get one! *Swearing*
September 16, 2020
Episode 158 - Miliband has Sausage Johnson for breakfast, lunch and dinner
With Starmer self-isolating, Ed Miliband was given a few hours to prepare a speech opposing Johnson's controversial Internal Markets bill. Miliband gave a barnstormer, skewering Johnson and serving him on a greasy napkin. *Swearing*
September 14, 2020
Omnibus Episode 7: 7th - 13th September. The week everything changed!
Back to work during the start of the 2nd wave! One year older, catching a cold and in the mood to look back. *Swearing*
September 13, 2020
Episode 157 - Birthday special!
I celebrate my birthday while cases and the R value rise. *Swearing*
September 11, 2020
Episode 156 - The Rule of 6 (with caveats)
The Rule of 6 has so many holes in it you wonder whether it'll halt any covid spread. Starmer shows up the sausage at PMQs and Bob Woodward can still get a huge scoop that makes headlines around the world. *Swearing*
September 9, 2020
Episode 155 - First day back at work & Augusto in Italy!
I give an on-the-ground debrief moments after stepping out of work for the first time since March, cases are rising while testing has collapsed, and Augusto sends a report from Italy. *Swearing*
September 7, 2020
Omnibus Episode 6: 31st August - 6th September. The 2nd Wave Hits The UK!
With a rise in confirmed cases of 2988 - over 1000 more than Saturday's - the UK is at the start of its 2nd wave. The R value is above 1, people are not social distancing and all schools, colleges and universities have not yet opened. The UK government continue to fail us. This will get worse, quickly. *Swearing*
September 6, 2020
Episode 154 - Numbers special! The covids of 1940, 98, 9700+, 19,000+, 341 and 10 per 100,000
We thread the latest news through a bunch of numbers, Mancock gets weird, Biden gets angry and Porchoice asks an excellent question. *Swearing*
September 4, 2020
Episode 153 - Soup Thrown At Riots Make Excellent Rockets spells STARMER!
PMQs is tasty this week, as tasty as Trump's riot soup. *Swearing*
September 2, 2020
Episode 152 - Cross immunity brings hope
Cross immunity may well partly be responsible for Asia accounting for only 8% of global deaths. Meanwhile I talk about the extreme first aiders to strange bar staff. *Swearing* The paper on cross immunity is here:
August 31, 2020
Omnibus Episode 5: 24th - 30th August. Anxiety, rising cases & cross-immunity
After a stressful week dodging covids we report on rising cases and potential cross-immunity from other coronaviruses. *Swearing* Dr John Campbell's YouTube channel is here:
August 30, 2020
Episode 151 - Drama at the nursery
Open day at my son's nursery becomes a thrill ride in dodging covids! Plus, Sausage Johnson wants to make it easier too sale people who work from home! *Swearing*
August 28, 2020
Episode 150 - Moving house in the age of COVID-19
We have a long, stressful day moving house, worrying about virus droplets covering everything. *Swearing*
August 26, 2020
Episode 149 - Schools reopening: the confidence interval
Jenny Harries is the worst person this incompetent, lying government could call on to reassure people schools will reopen safely, so naturally she's put on TV to spout rubbish, having the affect of making people feel even less assured. In the US meanwhile Sopranos extra Louis DeJoy drives the postal service into a wall. *Swearing*
August 24, 2020
Omnibus Episode 4: 17th - 23rd August. Biden, Trend Report and New Strain
This week we focused on the Democratic National Convention and we look in detail at cases worldwide. *Swearing*
August 23, 2020
Episode 148 - Biden lights the way & Obama 2008 Vs Obama 2020
Biden earned plaudits from across the political spectrum for an excellent speech while Obama ditched the poetry of 2008 to deliver a stark warning. *Swearing*
August 21, 2020
Episode 147 - Michelle & Barack Obama's speeches
Michelle Obama gave an excellent speech at the DNC Monday and Barack Obama's speech is tonight. We listen back to his iconic 2004 DNC speech, the moment that started it all. *Swearing*
August 19, 2020
Episode 146 - Where's Johnson? Writing his Shakespeare book instead of fighting the pandemic?
Where's Johnson? There's a Whitehall rumour that he's been writing his book about Shakespeare! Please focus on reducing the 1000+ new cases a day! *Swearing*
August 17, 2020
Omnibus Episode 3: 10th - 16th August. Trump, Testing, PHE & Trend Report
A look back at last week and a sneak peek at tomorrow's show: Mika on Trump, Mancock axing PHE, a detailed worldwide look at the 7 day average change in cases and the new song! *Swearing*
August 16, 2020
Episode 145 - Fury at Trump's lies and failures
Mika on Morning Joe takes Trump to lunch and Huff Post's Shirish Date asks Trump if he regrets lying. *Swearing*
August 14, 2020
Episode 144 - Kamala Harris makes history
Kamala Harris is Biden's VP pick, the first black woman to be on the ticket. With Biden in the lead nationally and in the states that will decide the outcome, it looks good for November. *Swearing*
August 12, 2020
Episode 143 - Test and Trace: it pays to self isolate
Andy Burnham is heading a campaign to compel the government to ensure wages are paid for those asked to self isolate. *Swearing*
August 10, 2020
Omnibus Episode 2: 3rd - 9th August. Cases, Schools and Corruption
We explore the main themes of the past week and we launch a new segment highlighting the best bit of last week's podcasts. *Swearing*
August 9, 2020
Episode 142 - UK government corruption: 50 million masks wasted
The company run by a mate of Liz Truss, the Secretary of State for International Trade, was awarded a £252 million contract to supply PPE to the NHS despite having no experience in PPE at all. It now turns out 50 million of the masks they purchased are unsuitable for the NHS! *Swearing*
August 7, 2020
Episode 141 - Lockdown in Aberdeen
Sturgeon imposes lockdown in Aberdeen, Yvette Cooper's committee criticises the government and schools opening will cause cases to rise. *Swearing*
August 5, 2020
NEWS: As of this week Social Distancer is now Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays + Sunday Omnibus Episode
Big news! We are changing the schedule for the Summer at least: Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays + Sunday Omnibus. This means we can have a few evenings off and have time to tackle some of the big stories going under the radar. Thank you so much for your incredible support, it is amazing to think so many people across the world are still engaged every day after 140 episodes! ♥️
August 4, 2020
Episode 140 - What is wrong with England? 15% fatality rate & the worst death rate per population
The lack of social distancing throughout England is terrifying. With the worst record of any country on the planet, too many lazy, ignorant, selfish people are endangering millions forced out of sheilding while cases and the R value rise. *Swearing*
August 3, 2020
NEW! OMNIBUS Episode: the best of last week
To assist you in the battle of listening to hours of Social Distancer every week, today we are starting a Sunday highlights show featuring the themes of the previous week. Enjoy! *Swearing*
August 2, 2020
Episode 139 - Vietnam register their first COVID-19 deaths
Vietnam have been incredibly successful at combatting COVID-19 but the virus has taken hold in the popular beach resort of Da Nang. The Vietnamese government have now started to test all 1.1 million residents of the city. That's a huge difference from the bumbling response by the UK government. *Swearing*
August 1, 2020
Episode 138 - Back to School: Johnson calls time and space (and hands and faces) on pubs
Johnson slows his plans to ease lockdown after a rise in cases, but after Cummins ended social distancing will anyone pay any attention? The government are determined to open schools in September even if it means closing pubs. *Swearing*
July 31, 2020
Episode 137 - BREAKING: Lockdown tightened in North of England - 5 million affected
Breaking news from the tweet of Mancock; Greater Manchester and other parts of the North address tightening lockdown, due to an alarming increase in cases. Also, the ONS say England had the worst excess death rate in Europe, and the researcher gets specific about symbiosis. *Swearing*
July 30, 2020
Episode 136 - Visit to a drive through COVID-19 test site
I report on what it's like to get tested at a drive through test site in Britain. The government's failure to protect care homes is criticized in a damning parliamentary report and Porchoice replies with a cryptic message. *Swearing*
July 29, 2020
Episode 135 - Tougher restrictions in Oldham
Oldham cases jumped from 26 to 119 in a week and have put in new restrictions, to avoid a local lockdown. In The Symptoms, I look at how the heart is affected by COVID-19. *Swearing*
July 28, 2020
Episode 134 - The Symptoms: unusual effects of COVID-19
We launch an occasional series looking at unusual effects of the disease. The world's biggest human trial of a vaccine begins and there's some good news on antibodies. *Swearing*
July 27, 2020
Episode 133 - Studies show children transmit COVID-19
The evidence for children transmitting the virus is summarised by an epidemiologist in Australia. Independent SAGE update the latest on COVID-19 in the UK. People returning from Spain are now required to quarantine for 14 days. *Swearing*
July 26, 2020
Episode 132 - The UK's unknowable death toll
Sir David Speigelhalter says we will never know the actual number of UK deaths to COVID-19, due to lack of testing leading up to the peak. It's a point I've been making for months; you were only given a test if you were admitted to hospital and so many people in care homes and the community died away from doctors, who tried to establish cause of death post mortem. Also I get an email that exposes a very embarrassing mistake I've been making for months! *Swearing*
July 25, 2020
Episode 131 - Neil in Edinburgh & Johnson's Interview dissected!
My brilliant friend Neil shares his thoughts on how children are affected by the oddness of social distancing from other children, and what longterm changes we might adopt, good and bad, after COVID-19. Also, for the first time Sausage Johnson has admitted mistakes in an interview with Laura Kuennsberg. I dissect and examine the entrails from a punchy interview. *Swearing*
July 24, 2020
Episode 130 - Making Social Distancer: behind the scenes of Episode 129
We have a real treat this episode - we lift the curtain and invite you into the process of deciding a key element of yesterday's episode. Meanwhile Columbia University may have made a breakthrough with antibodies and Trump and Biden can't help saying strange things. *Swearing*
July 23, 2020
Episode 129 - PMQs: Calmly, clammy stirrer Sir Keir Starmer embalms alarmed Parma ham diorama!
Sir Keir has sausage for lunch, but the Tories are still ahead in the polls! *Swearing*
July 22, 2020
Episode 128 - Russia Report time travel special
The Russia report was published at last, but will it lead to anything changing? I'd be surprised! *Swearing*
July 21, 2020
Episode 127 - Vaccines: Welcome progress
Good news on the vaccine front. Professors Sarah Gilbert, Andrew Pollard, the Jenner Institute and the Oxford Vaccine Group have found their vaccine causes immunity, which is a good first step. The government are of course crowing about it as if Sausage Johnson himself had excreted the cure from his armpit. *Swearing*
July 20, 2020
Episode 126 - Does CBD in cannabis treat COVID-19 symptoms?
Research suggests CBD in cannabis may help COVID-19 patients. Inflammation caused by the body fighting COVID-19 can trigger horrible side effects, including organ failure, leading to death. CBD can suppress the inflammation. Also I talk death statistics, masks, a second wave and 10 lies by the UK government. Email: Twitter: @podcastingCOVID *Swearing*
July 19, 2020
Episode 125 - R.I.P John Lewis, Civil Rights Pioneer
John Lewis, the civil rights hero, has died aged 80. I pay tribute with audio of him recalling the speech he made at the March on Washington in 1963. Meanwhile Hattie Mancock promises full data to local public health experts and I fall in love with a mask. Email: Twitter: @podcastingCOVID *Swearing*
July 18, 2020
Episode 124 - Johnson's Plan: pass the buck, shift the blame, muddy the waters
Having presided over the worst death rate in Europe, locking down too late, losing the public's trust by keeping Cummins and easing lockdown too early, Johnson now expects stadiums to open in November while the NHS starts to feel the stress of a COVID-19 winter. This kind of BS is why Johnson failed to protect lives. *Swearing*
July 17, 2020
Reaction Episode: Johnson and Hancock shift blame and mix messages.
First thoughts following Sausage Johnson's plans and Mancock launching an urgent investigation into PHE deaths data.
July 17, 2020
Episode 123 - Vallance: SAGE urged government to lockdown a week earlier
In the race to distance themselves from their immense failures, scientists and ministers are blaming anyone and everyone else. Vallance and Ferguson are practicing their answers to the promised independent inquiry, but the decisions have been made and the bodies have been buried. Email: Twitter: @podcastingCOVID *Swearing and irreverence*
July 16, 2020
Episode 122 - Johnson Humiliated by Failing Grayling's Defeat
Chris Grayling, the legendary bumbling failure, has been outmanoeuvred by fellow Tory MP Julian Lewis for the prestigious position of chair of the Intelligence Committee. Grayling is Johnson's choice so the sausage is sad and upset! Meanwhile in Bristol a statue of a Black Lives Matter supporter, Jen Reid, has been placed on the plinth of the statue of Colston. *Swearing*
July 16, 2020
Episode 121 - Johnson Waits For Schools To Close Before Mandating Masks
Is Johnson waiting for schools go on holiday before mandating masks, to avoid teachers calling for masks in the classroom? Meanwhile Vietnam mandated masks in March and have been incredibly successful in beating COVID-19. How many tens of thousands of deaths could have been avoided if Johnson had done the same thing? *Contains swearing*
July 14, 2020
Episode 120 - Masks: How Many Will Catch COVID-19 In The Next 10 Days?
Sausage Johnson says wearing masks in shops will be mandatory in England from Friday 24th July. Why the 10 day delay? How many people will catch COVID-19 in the next 10 days? How many of those will die? Why can't Johnson for once act as if this is a pandemic still killing hundreds a week? *Contains swearing*
July 13, 2020
Episode 119 - End The Mask Muddle!
Sausage Johnson says one thing about wearing masks in shops, Gove says another! More drift, obfuscation and confusion from this failing government! Meanwhile Joanna reports from Scotland, where people are following Sturgeon's clear leadership on masks. Email the show at *Contains swearing*
July 12, 2020
Episode 118 - Dartmoor Rescue! Random three word code saves the day!
We were rescued from living like ponies thanks to a weird code understood only by tow truck drivers. Meanwhile The Observer publish the 20 places in England most at risk of lockdown and Sausage Johnson is coming round to the idea that masks might me needed in shops. Email the show at Follow us on Twitter @podcastingCOVID *Contains swearing*
July 11, 2020
Episode 117 - Arise, Sir Keir Visor!
At last! Cheeky-faced Starmer opts for a visor for a factory visit, and Sausage Johnson himself wears a mask in a shop! Meanwhile Sturgeon brilliantly explains why wearing a mask is really not a big deal, and Independent SAGE give an update. Email the show at *Contains swearing*
July 10, 2020
Episode 116 - Breaking: Toby Jug revelation!
Incredible news: we have tracked down the real toby jug looking m***** f*****! Meanwhile Sir Keir is noted to be not wearing a mask, despite my daily pleas! I answer more listener questions and pay tribute to the genius of Morricone by playing his classic theme from My Name is Nobody. *Contains swearing* Email the show at
July 10, 2020
Episode 115 - PMQs: Calm Charmer Starmer Garners Farmer's Karma
Bonson Johnson was taken to lunch by Starmer at PMQs. If he'd bothered to turn up to SAGE meetings in Jan/Feb he would have heard them discussing asymptomatic transmission! Meanwhile his local A&E has been forced to close due to a COVID-19 outbreak and I respond to more emails. Please email the show at *Contains swearing*
July 8, 2020
Episode 114 - Fallout from Johnson blaming care homes
Johnson was widely criticised throughout the day as his hapless spokesperson defended him like a duff robot. Meanwhile I look into long haulers (people struggling to recover from COVID-19) and respond too my first emails! Please email *Contains swearing*
July 7, 2020
Episode 113 - Outrage at Johnson blaming care homes for 20,000+ dead!
Johnson - realising a future inquiry will rightly blame him for the many failings that led to 65,000 excess deaths - is shifting the blame onto care homes! No matter they didn't have tests or PPE and were forced to take back residents they knew had COVID-19! This could be Johnson's new low. *Contains swearing*
July 6, 2020
Episode 112 - BREAKING: Arts Industry promised £1.57 billion!
Breaking news tonight: the UK arts industry have been promised a good chunk of money to support it post-COVID. It includes £800 million in grants. We don't have any details yet and of course we'll believe it when we see it, but it's a big number! Meanwhile the local mob boss shows a softer, seductive side! *Contains swearing*
July 5, 2020
Episode 111 - Texas: Dr Varon's 96% success with steroid-vitamin-coagulant mix
In Houston, Texas the good Doctor Veron is achieving remarkable results with an ad-hoc medicine mix. Meanwhile there's controversy around smoking Vs COVID-19 and I register my surprise that a podcast available across the universe is picking up listeners across the world! *Contains swearing*
July 4, 2020
Episode 110 - Saturday Night Fever
As pubs and restaurants open on Saturday, police and scientists warn the English to rein in the drunkenness. Meanwhile Sturgeon and Drakeford describe Grant Shapps' travel list as a shambles and Johnson's dad goes to Greece! *Contains swearing*
July 3, 2020
Episode 109 - Mandatory masks in Scotland
Nicola Sturgeon is doing a much better job of communicating the risks than Bonson Johnson. In a few days it'll be mandatory to wear masks while shopping in Scotland. Meanwhile Gavin Voice of Hell Williamson continues to dissuade parents to send their kids to school! *Contains swearing*
July 2, 2020
Episode 108 - Breakthrough: Pillar 2 test results published!
After John Burn-Murdoch's outstanding FT exclusive, under pressure from Keir Starmer, Johnson finally published Pillar 2 test results, giving us a detailed map of actual community cases. The data's 10 days old, and they'll only publish weekly, but it's a start. *Contains swearing*
July 1, 2020
Episode 107 - Major Cover-Up: UK are not publishing 90% of COVID-19 cases
The FT broke a huge story tonight: positive COVID-19 tests in the community (not hospitals) are not published by the UK government. It's a deliberate cover-up designed to hide the true number of confirmed infections across the UK. *Contains swearing*
June 30, 2020
Episode 106 - Leicester Lockdown!
Leicester go into lockdown with schools and shops closing, and people urged to stay home. Hattie Mancock is slow to act, but hopefully it'll make a difference. Also I look at Sweden's unique response and Gavin Williamson wants to sell you a fireplace. *Contains swearing*
June 29, 2020
Episode 105 - Scotland: 3 days without a death!
Nicola Sturgeon wears a tartan mask as Scotland goes 3 days without a COVID-19 death. But hey, Bonson Johnson is doing press ups! Where's the video, Bonson? Meanwhile the mob boss makes me a suprise offer. *Contains swearing*
June 28, 2020
Episode 104 - Worldwide Catch-up: Greece! Ireland! New Zealand! Italy!
I have a Zoom meet up with old friends who talk about how their adopted and home countries have dealt with COVID-19; all of them much, much better than Britain! Meanwhile I commentate on Ian Blackford calling Johnson a racist in the House of Commons a few years ago. Plus, the much-anticipated mask unboxing! *Contains swearing*
June 28, 2020
Episode 103 - Independent SAGE: 3 ways to prepare for the 2nd wave
Independent SAGE have started a weekly briefing. I cover the best bits. Meanwhile some of the good people of Florida have choice words for a doctor advising them to wear masks! *Contains swearing*
June 26, 2020
Episode 102 - Test and Trace is failing
The new weekly figures for Test and Trace are worse than last week! Meanwhile Bournemouth declares a major incident after 500,000 people go to the beaches! I witness a touching moment with the local mob boss. *Contains swearing*
June 25, 2020
Episode 101 - The Daily Beefing
I launch a new segment, the Daily Beefing, to compensate for the loss of the UK government daily briefing. Meanwhile the Housing Minister is up to his middle in the corruption puddle and Kier Starmer comes back home to Victoryville after exposing Bonson Johnson's lies at PMQs. *Contains swearing*
June 24, 2020
Episode 100 - Extended Episode! Noel in New York! Top 10 UK Government F*** Ups!
We celebrate 100 episodes with a new journal reading from Noel in New York, my top ten UK government f*** ups and a few surprises! Thank you so much for listening! *Contains swearing*
June 23, 2020
Episode 99 - The Move
Trump comes under fire for saying he asked for testing to be slowed and second waves hit countries around the world. Meanwhile the local mob boss and I play chess; dare I do The Move? *Contains swearing*
June 22, 2020
Episode 98 - Trumped by TikTok
Trump's gamble on a rally to liven up his campaign failed after TikTok teens pranked his campaign by reserving hundreds of thousands of tickets! Polls indicate there's a good chance Trump'll be defeated in November. Meanwhile the R value in Germany is rising. *Contains swearing*
June 21, 2020
Episode 97 - Paranoid, secretive and deceitful: how to fail at governing
An outbreak at a meat packing factory in West Yorkshire tells us everything we need to know about the UK government's catastrophic response to COVID-19. I slip into a Worsleyism and introduce you to the greatest ventriloquist of all time! *Contains swearing*
June 20, 2020
Episode 96 - Bullshit Detector Alert! Level 3 Distraction!
Weirdly, the alert level moved down to 3 via tweets from the Department of Health, but no scientist was at the daily propaganda briefing to answer questions! No evidence has been published to explain this change. It seems like it's all a risky ruse to get the Daily Mail back onside after ditching the contact tracing app yesterday. *Contains swearing*
June 19, 2020
Episode 95 - Major U-turn: Contact Tracing app ditched
Hattie Mancock talks about horseracing while lying about working with Apple and Google all along. Hey, after wasting months and millions of pounds, they've now admitted their tracing app doesn't work! Meanwhile the local mob boss asks me to correct an error in a previous episode! *Contains swearing*
June 18, 2020
Episode 94 - Hattie Mancock Apologises!
After months of failures that have led to thousands of avoidable deaths, Hattie Mancock has finally apologised! Meanwhile the statue of Rhodes at Oriel College, Oxford, will be removed and Jacinda Ardern demonstrates why she's the best leader in the world. *Contains swearing*
June 17, 2020
Episode 93 - Wonder Drug! The first real medical breakthrough!
At last, some truly great news! The steroid dexamethasone has been proven to reduce the risk of death in COVID-19 patients on ventilators and oxygen. It's a known, widely used drug. Meanwhile Marcus Rashford forces Bonson Johnson into a humiliating U-turn on free school meals over the Summer holidays, and I look forward to the TV adaptation of the Coronavirus pandemic. *Contains swearing*
June 16, 2020
Episode 92 - Hidden histories
I heard a very disturbing episode of Radiolab today, looking at British crimes in the 1950s of torturing, raping and murdering thousands of Kenyans. It is hidden history, deliberately erased from our understanding of post-war Britain. Churchill was PM from 1951 to 1955. You can hear Mau Mau here: Kenya: White Terror, the BBC documentary is on YouTube: *Warning - graphic descriptions of torture in both the Radiolab episode and BBC documentary* *Contains swearing*
June 15, 2020
Episode 91 - Hop Daddy
Sky news correspondent Inzamam Rashid was leaked the recommendations from the Public Health England review into how to protect BAME people from COVID-19. Because it tackles structural racism the Tories thought they could bury it! But apparently it'll be published next week. Meanwhile my local mob boss is complaining about closed restaurants! *Contains swearing*
June 14, 2020
Episode 90 - Herd Immunity: is it still policy?
Re-listening to Vallance and Bonson Johnson prepare us for many deaths, followed by a slack lockdown and haphazard easing, is herd immunity still policy? Rory Stewart's warnings to act fast were ignored. Meanwhile I find a slab of slate on Dartmoor, visit a mob boss and denounce facists! *Contains swearing*
June 13, 2020
Episode 89 - March madness
I delve further into the government's cataclysmic failures of early March. Meanwhile it seems if you disagree with Cummins you'll be bumped off the government briefing - it's been blatant propaganda for weeks. *Contains swearing*
June 12, 2020
Episode 88 - A scandal is brewing
There are now three different estimations of the number of deaths avoided if we'd locked down a week earlier: 25,000, 30,000 and 40,000. Locking down late is probably the worst of all the mistakes Bonson Johnson has made. *Contains swearing*
June 11, 2020
Episode 87 - Ferguson on lockdown
Neil Ferguson says half the UK COVID-19 deaths would have been avoided if we'd locked down a week earlier. That's at least 25,000 people. A scandal of historic proportions is brewing and it's no surprise that Bonson Johnson says analysing what happened is premature! Meanwhile pianist/magic man/genius friend of the show Augusto has given us all a gift...can you spot it? *Contains swearing*
June 10, 2020
Episode 86 - Neighbourhood walk!
My son and I go for an exciting walk around the neighborhood for the first time since lockdown. It was weird seeing the place again, but very safe. At George Floyd's funeral Reverend Al Sharpton talked about BLM Bristol chucking the statue of Edward Colston into the water, while another statue of a slave trader was removed tonight in East London. *Contains swearing*
June 9, 2020
Episode 85 - New Zealand is virus free!
A great day for New Zealand as they remove all restrictions, apart from closed borders, and return to something close to normal. Jacinda Ardern is arguably the best leader on the planet! Meanwhile in Britain people are huffing over the destruction of a statue of a slave trafficker! *Contains swearing*
June 8, 2020
Episode 84 - BLM Bristol chuck Colston in the harbour!
Bristol Black Lives Matter protesters pulled down a statue of slave trafficker Edward Colston, immediately prompting Priti Patel to come out of hiding and condemn it! Meanwhile John Edmonds, SAGE attendee, admits that locking down late was a mistake and "cost a lot of lives" - why can't Mancock be as honest? *Contains swearing*
June 7, 2020
Episode 83 - The Chief of Beef
You wait millions of years for the Chief of Beef, and two turn up in the same week! Meanwhile Andy Burnham is doing his own press conference in Sunday, addressing the R at 1 in the North West. *Contains swearing*
June 6, 2020
Episode 82 - The R value is rising!
Despite Hattie Mancock's insistence to the contrary, at least two studies released today show the R value is rising, and may be at or above 1 in the South West and North West. Meanwhile, the U-turn on masks continues. This weekend hundreds of thousands plan to participate in Black Lives Matter protests against the racist murder of George Floyd. *Contains swearing*
June 5, 2020
Episode 81 - Official: wear masks on public transport
Finally, the Chief of Beef Grant Shits is calling everyone to wear masks on public transport, in a few weeks! Better late than never, said the horse, having bolted from the stable months ago. Meanwhile Reverend Al Sharpton's eulogy for George Floyd is brilliant. *Contains swearing*
June 4, 2020
Episode 80 - COVID-19 strikes back
With news of the Business Secretary going into self-isolation with suspected COVID-19 after mopping his brow at the dispatch box while giving a speech in the House of Commons, are we all just waiting for a second wave? *Contains swearing*
June 3, 2020
Episode 79 - 50,000 confirmed COVID-19 deaths, 61,000+ confirmed excess deaths
A grim day as the UK passes yet another milestone, while fears of a second peak continue to grow. I quote for the UK Statistics Authority letter to Mancock, telling him to stop manipulating the data. I also do a brilliant Albert Finney impression. *Contains swearing*
June 2, 2020
Episode 78 - The school of all our tomorrows
Schools reopen to some Primary years but many parents keep their children at home. Hancock is cockahoop and I actually do a short episode! *Contains swearing*
June 1, 2020
Episode 77 - Shield shift
I describe an incredible experience on Dartmoor and wonder whether a huge shift in policy for approx. 2,200,000 people shielding should be announced via the Sunday Telegraph! *Contains swearing*
May 31, 2020
Episode 76 - Try Again. Fail Again. Fail Better
Dr Cornel West addresses the racist murder of George Floyd. Institutional racism is driving higher rates of death from COVID-19 in BAME communities. The UK government's decision to loosen lockdown has been criticised by 5 epidemiologists on SAGE and a poll in Sunday's Observer shows the Tory lead over Labour shrinking from 12% to 4% in a week! *Contains swearing*
May 30, 2020
Episode 75 - Go through to the garden
The government's lockdown easing is too soon, designed badly, against scientific advice and communicated terribly. I look forward to the tensions that arise when guests in gardens use sheds as toilets. *Contains swearing*
May 29, 2020
Episode 74 - Too much, too fast, too soon
With daily infections estimated to be 8000, it's far too early to ease the lockdown. But hey, social distancing has collapsed thanks to Cummins, so who gives a damn? Meanwhile, impress your friends with the best anagram ever!*Contains swearing*
May 28, 2020
Episode 73 - Bonson Johnson Vs Yvette Cooper
Yvette Cooper tries to get a straight answer out of Toby Jug Johnson. Emily Maitlis is removed from Newsnight for laying our the facts of the Cummins debacle. 44 Tory MPs now show a bit of courage. Those who support Cummins and Johnson are just as responsible as them for a 2nd peak. *Contains swearing*
May 27, 2020
Episode 72 - Cummins Stays Another Day
Cummins staying, like it looks like he might, is probably the biggest gift politically for Labour. It will probably lead to more deaths, though, so tonight I wrote to my Tory MP (the only people Bonson Johnson will pay attention to) to register my wish that Cummins goes. *Contains swearing*
May 26, 2020
Episode 71 - The Cummins Effect
Social distancing was observed by about 50% of the people we saw on Dartmoor today. Meanwhile Cummins tests his eyesight by driving miles with his four year old child in the back! The two strands of the COVID-19 story have converged. *Contains swearing*
May 25, 2020
Episode 70 - Johnson Backs Cummins
Well that was a surprise! With no apology, no inquiry and avoiding questions, an insulting and dangerous Johnson praised Cummins' instincts and left it at that! We'll see in the next few days if people start to ignore lockdown. With warm, sunny half term days the instinct of many will be to 'do a Cummins'. *Contains swearing*
May 24, 2020
Episode 69 - Cummins Crisis Bumper Special
The wheels are falling off the cart with revelations tonight that Cummins visited Durham again, after recovering! He went to a castle on Easter Sunday! My thoughts on BoJo's crisis in a 30 minute special episode: listen in installments over the course of a few lifetimes. *Contains swearing*
May 24, 2020
Episode 68 - Is he Cummins or going?
**BREAKING NEWS** Dom Cummins broke lockdown while he had COVID-19 symptoms. The calls for him to resign are growing. Meanwhile, will we soon be able to look up the local R number as easily as the local weather? That's one of the ideas from Independent SAGE. The real SAGE (the cartoon version, like The Real Ghostbusters) didn't shed much light on whether schools would be safe when they open. *Contains swearing*
May 22, 2020
Episode 67 - BoJo's Surcharge U-Turn Hell
At PMQs yesterday Starmer said Labour would table an amendment to the Immigration Bill, calling for the NHS surcharge to be scrapped for NHS and care workers. BoJo defended it, but tonight he's U-turned. A victory! Meanwhile Hattie Mancock is backing away from the track and trace app being ready for June 1st. *Contains swearing*
May 21, 2020
Episode 66 - PMQs: Like Back to the Future III but without the weird kid
Blusterbus BoJo Bonson Johnson is back! With a PMQs performance better than last week's, it looks like he's refound his groove for avoidance, lies and time wasting. Starmer and Bonson will probably fall into a pattern of forensics Vs bullshit. *Contains swearing*
May 20, 2020
Episode 65 - The Blame Game
We now have 60,000+ excess deaths due to COVID-19 and a schism is opening up between the scientists and the politicians. Theresa Coffey is blaming the scientists, the scientists are blaming the government's decisions. Meanwhile Piers Brosnan goes Gonzo. And where's BoJo? Preparing to baste Starmer at PMQs tomorrow. *Contains swearing*
May 19, 2020
Episode 64 - Where is BoJo Bonson Johnson?
"Who are we gonna get today?" So goes the call of the eager viewers at home, waiting by their phones to hear the latest premeditated criminal acts from a random Cabinet member in the daily government briefing. But where's BoJo? It's weird that the publicity hungry egomaniac isn't fronting the briefing every day! Is he still shaking off COVID-19? Is he changing nappies? Who knows! *Contains swearing*
May 18, 2020
Episode 63 - Cuddle Curtain
A man desperate for a cuddle with his mum designs the future. Keir Starmer loves his mum too, and enabled her to continue looking after rescue donkeys after she lost mobility (cue the Mail on Sunday doing the worst hit job in the history of journalism). The teacher unions demand test, track and isolate before returning to schools, so the government are weirdly trying to convince us that teachers don't care about children! *Contains swearing*
May 17, 2020
Episode 62 - The Truth Lies Elsewhere
In a world of lies and cover ups, we have all stepped through the mirror and live now amongst dangerous nonsense. Sebald and Kermit the frog help to make sense of it. *Contains swearing*
May 16, 2020
Episode 61 - The story of Fido the Amazing Dog
I celebrate Charlie Brooker and AntiViral Wipe crew for a brilliant, unmissable show. We visit Dartmoor and witness an incredible dog, Fido, change our lives forever. Meanwhile Matty Handcock lies about care homes, the R value is rising and the Mail go to the extremes to try to justify an insane idea. A normal day for the decrepit failure of Johnson's government. *Contains swearing*
May 15, 2020
Episode 60 - New Zealand Haircuts
New Zealand are celebrating their success after going into hard lockdown early. They have recorded only 21 deaths and 96% of the approx. 1,500 cases have recovered. Now they can meet up in groups of 10 and get their haircut. Slightly different from that testiculating walrus BoJo Bonson Johnson. *Contains swearing*
May 14, 2020
Episode 59 - PMQs: Stare into the mirror. Dare you say his name 3 times? Starmer, Starmer, STARMER!
Starmer causes brain swell for every journalist pressured to come up with a play on words that aptly summarises the difference between him and Johnson at PMQs today. He led him to the lake, drowned him there, waited for many hundreds of thousands of years while the cadaver became fossilized, then he smashed that fossil into little bits, ground it up and drank it. *Contains swearing*
May 13, 2020
Episode 58 - Care Homes Crisis
Today's ONS figures show the overall number of deaths from COVID-19 in care homes is larger than the COVID-19 deaths in hospitals. Meanwhile care homes were pressured to take back COVID-19 patients from hospitals or lose PPE funding! How is that not criminal? No wonder newspapers around the world are reporting the UK government's basketcase response. *Contains swearing*
May 12, 2020
Episode 57 - First, do no harm
So the new ruse in Westminster is that Whitty and Vallance didn't agree to the new strategy because they are not experts in communication! It's not as if there's 32,000+ confirmed (55,000+ estimated) deaths. What happened to the guiding principle of medicine, first do no harm? Paterson gets a cushy deal for the company that pays him £100,000 a year and England slips further into the mire. *Contains swearing*
May 11, 2020
Episode 56 - Expect A 2nd Peak: Bonson Johnson's dangerous roadmap
Having expected a roadmap close to the Ireland plan, we get obscurity and vague slogans. How can everything Bonson Johnson touches turn to shit? I express my frustrations, helped by a snippet of brilliance from John Gielgud! *Contains swearing*
May 10, 2020
Episode 55 - I fought the law (and the law won)
I tell the story of how we broke into a forest and were caught by the cops! I preview BoJo Bonson Johnson's roadmap announcement tomorrow night and report on a freaky encounter with a Dartmoor pony! *Contains swearing*
May 9, 2020
Episode 54 - Live and Let Die
The Welsh government make slight adjustments to their lockdown, teeing up BoJo for Sunday to do similar, and probably go a bit further. I talk about meeting up with friends while shouting from our parked car, a lovely day on Dartmoor, Trump's surreal visit to a factory and the Vera Lynn banger. *Contains swearing*
May 9, 2020
Episode 53 - The Y'know Show
I have edited together all the hundreds of times I've said 'Y'know' into a rhythm of machine gun furiousness that will almost certainly permanently scar you! Only kidding! I do a passable Brian Blessed impression, predict BoJo Bonson Johnson's roadmap and question whether some of the high standards of the British newspaper industry have slipped. *Contains swearing*
May 7, 2020
Episode 52 - Starmer! BoJo! FIGHT!
Sir Kier Starmer makes a lovely string of sausages from the BoJo mincemeat he harvested at PMQs. ***LISTEN VIA ANCHOR*** to hear Tony Allen and Hugh Masekela to celebrate Tony Allen's life and commemorate his death. R.I.P. *Contains swearing*
May 6, 2020
Episode 51 - The Highest Deaths in Europe
The UK overtakes Italy as the country with the highest number of confirmed deaths from COVID-19 in Europe. Only the US have more confirmed deaths. The ONS figures, and those from Scotland and Northern Ireland brings the number to 32,313. The FT Economic Editor, Chris Giles is estimating 53,800 deaths up to today, extrapolating from ONS and other official data. *Contains swearing*
May 5, 2020
Episode 50 - Megamix Special: 7 weeks in 10 minutes!
We celebrate 50 episodes with a megamix of the best of the last 7 weeks of podcasts! Featuring Giant Doctor, my medical emergency, a chronology of the UK government's many mistakes, Abraham Lincoln, Noel's starling story, Phil's joke, Vicky and Martha describing a river, Tom, Catherine, Kerrie, Joanna, Augusto at the piano and Emily welcoming the summer. Thank you, loyal listener, for choosing to spend some of your time with us all! Here's to the next 50! X *Contains swearing*
May 4, 2020
Episode 49 - The Only Way is NHSX
With the UK death toll about to take over Italy's, I compare tests in both countries. Meanwhile there's a stench at No.10: Marc Warner, the brother of Ben Warner - data analyst for Vote Leave and now BoJo's data lad, who attends SAGE meetings with Dom Cummins - has landed the lucrative NHSX contract over Apple & Google collaborating to make the COVID-19 tracker app! *Contains swearing*
May 3, 2020
Episode 48 - Emily in Tokyo (Summer is here!)
Emily gives an update on life in Tokyo where the government have extended the lockdown by a month. Meanwhile I'm impressed by Irish Taoiseach Leo Varadkar's roadmap out of lockdown and I compare him to the scoundrels representing the UK government. *Contains swearing*
May 2, 2020
Episode 47 - Public Enemy Number 1
Matty Hancock spins his way to claiming over 120,000 tests, but it's not true. No surprise there. They tested 73,000 people yesterday! Also, I name and shame the bozo who sold PPE assigned for NHS workers, record the sound of a river and do a pretty good Lincoln impression! *Contains swearing*
May 1, 2020
Episode 46 - Happy Birthday Captain Moore
As the nation celebrates the 100th birthday of Captain Tom Moore I add to the festivities with joy at BoJo Bonson Johnson's upbeat message on face coverings. *Contains swearing*
April 30, 2020
Episode 45 - I Am Lord Voldemort!
I am really sorry to all you Potterheads out there for misremembering the Voldemort anagram. I hope Harry Potter himself appearing as a guest in tonight's episode makes up for my error. Meanwhile I talk care home advice and statistics. *Contains swearing*
April 29, 2020
Episode 44 - Joanna in Scotland (with mask)
Nicola Sturgeon is now advising everyone in Scotland to wear a face covering when going out of the house. My friend Joanna returns to the podcast to share her thoughts. Meanwhile Gove continues to be a source of ridicule, Panorama exposes the UK government's failings over PPE and the ONS figures start to reflect the catastrophe in care homes. *Contains swearing*
April 28, 2020
Episode 43 - Catherine in Tipperary, Ireland
Although Bojo is back at his desk the politicians and scientists continue to bluff their way out of answering simple questions. Catherine, my friend in Tipperary, looks at the Irish government's response to COVID-19 and talks about her family's experiences.
April 27, 2020
Episode 42 - Bojo and The Catastrophes
It looks like Dominic Cummins is the first political advisor to attend SAGE meetings since its inception in 2009. But nevermind, Bojo is back at work tomorrow! Just in time!
April 26, 2020
Episode 41 - Augusto in Brighton
Today we mark the tragic milestone of over 20,000 COVID-19 deaths IN UK hospitals, but with the deaths in care homes and people dying at home added the actual figure is estimated to be over 45,000. My friend Augusto talks about taking piano lessons remotely. I visit Dartmoor. *Contains swearing*
April 25, 2020
Episode 40 - Guided by the science (as approved by Dominic Cummins)
We are 40! Another bloomin' marvelous example of leadership for the US and UK. Trump wants us to inject disinfectant! Cummins is on the board of scientists advising the government! Meanwhile, I go to Dartmoor, see horses, record birdsong and talk about dogs. Have a happy weekend and safe weekend! *Contains swearing*
April 24, 2020
Episode 39 - The new new normal
We venture out to Dartmoor for more birdsong and a gallop with the horses. Meanwhile in Scotland Nicola Sturgeon tells the Scots there's to be a grown up conversation about the new new normal. *Contains swearing*
April 23, 2020
Episode 38 - The opposite of what you want
A friend (and podcast contributer) responds to my brother's callout in the most delightful way. Meanwhile, the Financial Times have extrapolated the statistics from UK hospital deaths and the ONS; they calculate that over 41,000 people have died from COVID-19 in the UK. Tests and the rest focus Kier Starmer in his first PMQs. All in all, a good old jolly holiday with Mary (Poppins) then. *Contains swearing*
April 22, 2020
Episode 37 - The Wide Open Spaces of Dartmoor
We went to Dartmoor! Amazing sunshine, beautiful day and nobody around! Hear the exciting outside broadcast - including birdsong! Meanwhile, I talk ONS and a pharmacy run by idiots, and my brother Phil uses this podcast to ask you for resources for his three children with additional needs. *Contains swearing*
April 21, 2020
Episode 36 - Oh Brother!
I'm hooked on Costello, the virologist critical of the UK government response. My younger brother Phil gives his thoughts on lockdown. I wonder who will win the Noble Prize for Medicine - will it be Sarah Gilbert, the Oxford based virologist who is 80% certain of a vaccine by September. *Contains swearing*
April 20, 2020
Episode 35 - My Unified Theory of Toms
I tell you about my super power of recognising people called Mark via a supernatural energy that cuts through the hubbub and tells me directly that they are a Mark. I'm now developing a unified theory of Toms. I also talk about the Sunday Times article laying out the many failures of the UK government in response to COVID-19. *Contains swearing*
April 19, 2020
Episode 34 - Noel's update from New York
Noel in New York sends his third journal reading. It is poetic and profound; New York continues to be the epicenter of the global COVID-19 outbreak and Noel quotes very worrying statistics. Have a safe weekend.
April 18, 2020
Episode 33 - Clapping Coppers
The UK is behind on testing. The UK public give money to the NHS via a very old walking man. The Met Police show Londoners how to misbehave by staging a ridiculous PR stunt on a bridge, endangering hundreds of lives. Another day in a weird world.
April 17, 2020
Episode 32 - The R is minus 1
Great news that the R (the number of people infected by a COVID-19 carrier) is now below 1, meaning if we stay like this the virus will not spread. Also Sadiq Khan is lobbying for masks to be worn. And we clapped for the key workers tonight!
April 16, 2020
Episode 31 - Joanna in Fife, Scotland
The world tips into Armando Ianniucci's head. Matty Hancock responds to the millions working in care homes asking for a living wage, tests and PPE by launching a badge! Boris the sitcom is scrapped after the pilot episode. My friend Joanna sends her thoughts from bonnie Scotland. And Billy Connolly, the King of All Scots, slags off Bojo Bonson Johnson.
April 15, 2020
Episode 30 - The Champaign scene
Every time Rishi says "brilliant" an angel dies! Care homes hit the headlines and I continue to see the joy in every moment.
April 14, 2020
Episode 29 - Don't stroke your cat
More tales from Erinslake as Phin the Scarhealer and Zoppo the Fluke journey into the Wise, sorry, no - just the usual death statistics and anti-government rants on your favourite COVID-19 knockabout comedy podcast.
April 13, 2020
Episode 28 - 10,000+ dead
I mark a sad day as the number of deaths in hospitals from COVID-19 reaches 10,000+, and the number is being suppressed. Matt Hancock is still a terrible liar. I want a journalist to ask this question to the government: if the NHS has capacity, why are people dying at home?
April 12, 2020
Episode 27 - They should all resign!
I talk about the Queen harbouring her son, Prince Andrew the paedophile. I trace an odd feeling I've had all day to the future car crash of Boris Johnson and his band of incompetent fuckwits messing up the distribution of a vaccine. A cheery Passover and Easter to you all!
April 11, 2020
Episode 26 - Emily in Tokyo
Emily, a friend who lives in the outskirts of Tokyo, sends her thoughts on the Japanese government's state of emergency. Japan currently have 99 recorded deaths from COVID-19 but a spike in confirmed cases in the last week has led to the government's announcement. But will it make any difference? Also, I look at the Office of National Statistics data and question the true number of people in the UK who have died from COVID-19.
April 10, 2020
Episode 25 - Nostradamus Twain
I talk about the way out of this crisis via lockdown/release. As a special Easter treat I belt out a Shania Twain classic that is terrifying me!
April 9, 2020
Episode 24 - Happy Happy Joy Joy
With 938 deaths from COVID-19 in UK hospitals reported over the last 24 hours, I talk about the UK government's response. Why did the scientists get it so wrong? Why didn't they continue to contact trace? Are people taking the lockdown seriously? As you can imagine, it's a laugh riot.
April 8, 2020
Episode 23 - He's a fighter!!
I talk about the irritating habit of describing people with illnesses (like Boris Johnson) as fighters. It implies that all those dying from COVID-19 didn't fight enough, or didn't want to live as much as those that survive.
April 7, 2020
Episode 22 - Boris Johnson in Intensive care
I talk about Boris Johnson being transferred to an ICU, how New Zealand got their COVID-19 response right, and the lag in death statistics.
April 6, 2020
Episode 21 - I believe in Bill Gates
I talk about footage of people in Hong Kong all wearing masks, Bill Gates setting up vaccination labs, Boris Johnson in hospital, and a nasty Twitter spat.
April 5, 2020
Episode 20 - Floating Head
Our fun outside is interrupted by an idiot. I discuss the lag in death statistics and the local Hattersley robot.
April 4, 2020
Episode 19 - The Queen! The Queen!
On Sunday The Queen will spew forth her message of community and togetherness from her heavily-guarded castle in Windsor. I find a scrap of optimisim in the gloom with the news that NHS Nightingale isn't yet needed, because London hospitals still have capacity, and I prepare myself for glimpsing at sunshine through the window this weekend.
April 3, 2020
Episode 18 - The End is not The End
I talk about a podcast featuring a palliative care professional who campaigns to ease people's fear of death, and praise a brilliant documentary about the rumours of a curse connected to William Friedkin's 1973 masterpiece The Exorcist.
April 2, 2020
Episode 17 - Let's Go Outside!
I try to explain a new report by the School of Tropical Medicine. Basically, it's good news and read the thing yourselves. We go outside for a short drive to a local field, where I'm fretting about every moving thing!
April 1, 2020
Episode 16 - Where's the key for the PPE warehouse?
I speculate wildly about Gary Davies, question whether Michael Gove is the person to lead us out of this unprecedented crisis, get eaten by a wolf, lose my legs and give you the perfect reason to hang up on the livefeed of my funeral.
March 31, 2020
Episode 15 - Tom in Shropshire
I talk about how the world might look 10 years after the COVID-19 crisis. Major, urgent global change had happened in 8 weeks, so never again will anyone believe those who say we can't make the changes necessary over 8 years to combat the worst impacts of the climate catastrophe. Tom, an old friend, reports from rural Shropshire where COVID-19 has only recently changed people's routines.
March 30, 2020
Episode 14 - Noel in New York
I wash the shopping delivery and maintain my self-isolation. Noel sends a iconoclastic journal reading from New York, currently the epicentre of the COVID-19 pandemic.
March 29, 2020
Episode 13 - Catching a Ball or Looking at a Door
We go outside to play and get some sun. I am vigilant to the possibility that the errant neighbours may infect us. I write a sign telling people to get away from our house. My medical emergency takes the weekend off. Catherine reads a poem, the perfect way to spend a few minutes to relax.
March 28, 2020
Episode 12 - The Giant Doctor Story
I have a medical emergency that means we have to break the self-isolation to go to the medical centre. We have in-car reporting from the medical centre car park! I tell the story of my middle of the night encounter with Giant Doctor.
March 27, 2020
Episode 11 - The Grandmother Query
I have a bizarre health scare, a friend waits to hear from Rishi Sunak and I ask the biggest question of all!
March 27, 2020
Episode 10 - Thru The Mirror
Everything looks the same but everything is different. The world outside the window looks beautiful but is toxic.
March 25, 2020
Episode 9 - How to describe water
I talk about how strange it is to be an orphan during a global crisis. On a much lighter note, the youngest daughter of the family on their walk chooses a fantastic word to describe water.
March 24, 2020
A special pod addressing Boris Johnson's announcement that all shops apart from food shops and pharmacies, and all public areas in the UK are to close immediately.
March 23, 2020
Episode 8 - Report of a walk by the river
Friends who are also social distancing send a report of a recent walk.
March 23, 2020
Episode 7 - Stories to tell
The weight of the crisis has hit me harder today. The UK is losing the fight. Catherine shares her thoughts on the terrible situation in Italy. I think of all the stories that will be told, in time.
March 22, 2020
Episode 6 - Noel's Journal
A walk in the countryside and a friend from New York reading from his journal.
March 21, 2020
Episode 5 - The Flame Alphabet
A shocking report from Italy prompts me to think how this global crisis could be worse, and Catherine and Freya continue their conversation.
March 20, 2020
Episode 4 - Catherine and Freya
An old friend and get daughter talk about how COVID 19 is impacting life in Clonmel, Ireland, and I find an old recording of my dearly departed dad saying his name!
March 20, 2020
Episode 3 - Shop Terror
A visit to my local shop leads to a minor confrontation.
March 18, 2020
Episode 2 - Rod Ruffle
A nighttime walk around my quiet neighbourhood.
March 17, 2020
Episode 1
Following the UK government's dramatic advice to wait until the weekend for people like me, with long term health conditions to social distance, I decided not to go to work at a large secondary school and make today Day 1.
March 17, 2020
March 16, 2020
March 16, 2020