speed of grace

Have you ever felt like you have fallen short of a certain 'ideal' you 'should' be?

And because of that, you find yourself struggling in your relationships not just with others, but also yourself. 

Today, be encouraged and inspired by my client, Xin Ying - a Singaporean living in Chicago. 

6 months ago, when Xin Ying applied to work with me in the Breakthrough Woman Program, she rated her happiness 6 out of 10. 

Today, A LOT has changed. 

Hear all about it in today's podcast! 

TIME STAMPS:

4:20 Passion for food, cooking

7:37 Tissues and an emotional Breakthrough Call experience

9:53 Living abroad: from 'reset' to feeling lost and seasonal depression

13:20 Realising she 'struggled with the same things' while being in a relationship

14:20 'I made the decision I don't want to live like that anymore'

16:29 'How I deal with emotions is by running away from them'

18:35 Finding freedom and going beyond being a 'personality type'

22:14 What really helped Xin Ying in the Breakthrough Woman Program

23:50 What were the first few relationships she had to find closure in?

24:20 Falling short of the 'ideal' of what a 'good person' is

27:07 Head Knowledge v.s. Heart Knowledge

27:48 Do these myths of 'breakthroughs' keep you stuck?

29:44 What does it mean to love yourself?

31:00 Everything stems from this ONE relationships

33:00 Self-Empathy: How comfortable are you sharing how you truly feel?

35:35 Feeling inadequate at work because of ________

37:05 Growing up with everything but......

39:45 The reality and value of 'breakthroughs'

42:54 Self-Patience and offering patience to others

42:11 Xin Ying's advice to you (please listen....it's TOO GOOD to miss!)

When you've done EVERYTHING,when you've achieved it all, and you're supposed to feel successful,

but deep down, you still feel something's missing, something's wrong....

how do you breakthrough?

What can you do when...you've done EVERYTHING you could and nothing changes?

Today, be encouraged by the breakthrough story of my dear friend from the city of angels, Los Angeles - JENA RODRIGUEZ.

/TIMESTAMPS/

0:00-5:49

Getting to know Jena

6:30

Hitting an emotional brick-wall

8:25

'I have to control EVERYTHING'

8:58

Recovering perfectionist and straight As

10:19

Domestic violent household, drugs, addiction

12:00

Jena's first step in emotional healing

14:00

The beauty of being open

16:20

Little girl attachment that held her back

19:15

Jena's time-travel healing experience

23:45

Result: breakthrough breeds breakthroughs!

24:35

'I tapped into something I had not seen before'

25:28

Saying what you want to say to Mom

27:23

When your dream is BIGGER than your limits

27:53

Giving yourself permission to be taken care of

28:13

Unsafe childhood: Growing up being your own 'protector'

31:00

When family & friends aren't comfortable with your breakthrough

32:25

Major dream come true!

36:46

Moving on another 'frequency'

39:09

How to listen & follow through what's  put in your heart

40:08

"When this happens...then...." = NOT trust

42:20

Don't wait. Take Inspired Action!

44:00

Expressing your true self and forgotten potential

46:22

Finding the 'colors' in you

46:38

Jena's loving advice to you

49:40 

How to breakthrough your personal limits

1:47 Who is Fann? 

4:00 Suffering inside-outThe result of shame, depression and hopelessness 

5:20 When you don't feel good, how could this affect your relationships? 

6:13 "I couldn't even care for my children." 

7:06 "When is this going to be over?" 

7:28 Losing interest in life 

9:04 Her doctor said, "I've exhausted all the medicine I could give you."

10:37 Breakthrough point: What happened at her very last doctor's visit 

12:40 Our 'Divine Connection' story 

17:39 Fann's first breakthroughs 

19:42 When you feel good on the inside....

20:30 Healing your inner child: An unforgettable Breakthrough Session 

22:58 Self-abuse, self-rejection and self-hatred 

23:30 Reconciling with herself (a tearful moment during the interview) 

25:17 Did you have to prove yourself? 

26:13 The story of dad and the report card 

27:50 A crushing business failure  

30:11 What's life like after a public failure? 

32:11 What were the relationships Fann had to heal and find closure in? 

34:03 Insecurity vs. Celebrating the successes of others 

35:53 Being present to enjoy with loved ones 

38:00 "I can value and affirm myself in every small step" 

39:55 Mastering an underrated life-skill 

42:48 Finding the courage to reconnect with God 

45:00 The myth of being worthy of God's love 

47:05 Fann's advice to you if you feel like you're losing yourself 

47:30 Is this the cry in your heart? 

SHOW NOTES + TIME STAMPS: 

3:15 Reversing hyperthyroidism naturally 

4:03 How she started her emotional and mental health breakthrough journey 

5:00 “I was truly not happy. I didn’t laugh for a long time.” 

6:20 Living in fear 

7:10 Obsessed about having control 

7:40 So stressed you don’t even know it? 

8:38 The need to be noticed & recognised 

11:38 Letting go of perceived sources of strength 

13:08 When self-help is helpful but not enough

16:38 How do you choose who to mentor or guide you in healing and breakthrough? 

20:48 The turning point to seek help 22:29 How do you overcome fear of change? 

24:36 “Enough is enough” 

15:38 When you are the toxic one 

26.48 First breakthrough: Healing of Gek Shan's self-image 

28:12 Do you use this coping mechanism to suppress the pain of not feeling good enough? 

29:30 Second breakthrough: Beyond singing about being a 'child of God' 

33:25 When you yearn for your loved one's affirmations 

35:08 A common trait of women who apply to work with me 

36:15 Breaking the Fear of Abundance! 

37:44 Do you subconsciously feel safe in your struggle? 

40:27 Loving yourself at a 'cellular level' 

42:45 How to practise Self Forgiveness as an imperfect person 

45:00 Gek Shan's encouragement for you 

46:50 How finding Clarity shows you your Purpose in life

LISTENER'S QUESTION OF THE WEEK

"How can we continue to live with hope and play our part

and be a positive contribution to the world without giving in to despair and hopelessness with what’s happening in the world?

It feels unfair and I'd like to do something but it doesn't feel significant enough."

DIALOGUE:

Can we really make a difference?

What if we never make it to the headlines and be 'history makers'?

How can we start and know what we do is really significant enough?

Why are we afraid and jaded with the words

'contributor', 'value-adder' and 'purpose?'

Is our purpose and calling that 'ONE' thing in our lifetime?

What can we do to protect our most vulnerable and overlooked citizens?

How can we create a space where everyone gets to feel belonged and at home?

TOPICS COVERED:

purpose & meaning

sources of hope & joy

protection of our most

vulnerable & overlooked citizens

belonging

fame vs. significance

contribution

the 'ripple effect'

the power of small

ordinary vs extraordinary

reaching out

We may never be famous,

we may never make the headlines

and be 'history makers'

On the other side of hopeless is HOPE.

LISTENER'S QUESTION OF THE WEEK: "Hi Val, I've been feeling uneasy with myself. I know I should be grateful about my life. I’ve got not many needs. I’m not in a financial, relationship or health crisis. But I know that I have a lot more potential in me. I can’t really understand where this feeling of emptiness is coming from." In a culture of excess and consumption, why do we still feel empty and hungry for 'more'? What are we really 'hungry' for?  How can we fill this void within and be satisfied?  What does being nourished look like?  What keeps us anchored in times of crisis when we can't help but feel mentally and emotionally weak?  Why do some people seem to have the fortitude to go through difficult seasons in their lives? Why do we still feel like we're barren/fruitless when we've done the inner work? When does going on a healing journey get toxic? How can you discover your unique purpose through your past? TOPICS soul-nourishment self-edification your 'inner landscape' replenishing your 'inner reserves' great leverage in life your unique purpose meaning in life values & virtues visions & dreams fortitude in crisis articulating your stories remembering your forgotten self

LISTENER'S QUESTION OF THE WEEK: "Hi Val, I feel there are still parts of me missing even though  I have moved on from my last relationship for a long time now.  Are the closures I had incomplete?" 

What can we do when we are the ones who had inflicted hurt, intentionally or unintentionally, on others? How do our family's stories shape our perspectives about ourselves, others and the world? What are soul fragments, the 'lost parts' of ourselves? Do we carry other people's soul fragments? How do we communicate beyond words and convince others what we really feel and think about them? Why do we tend to show up as what we've been defined to be, especially when with family - even if we strive against it? What does cleansing and nourishing ourselves look like? Why do we sometimes feel unsettling when there's peace in our lives? How do emotions and beliefs work together to produce certain fruits in our lives? What is a practical first step for us to take action on our closure with others? 

TOPICS: emotional footprints unhelpful self-identities judgement soul-ties & soul fragments familial influences finding the lessons in our relationships fruits of non-closures generational and ancestral patterns that shape our self-definitions and worldview the balance between 'cleansing and nourishing' internal vows & agreements the garden of our lives

LISTENER'S QUESTION OF THE WEEK: "Hi Val, how do we know we've found closure in our relationship? How do we tell someone is really over their ex? Sometimes, I find it hard to forgive and forget." CLOSURE: What is does closure look like? What is the biggest misconception of it? How do we process our grief and loss - instead of rushing it? What are the 9 most common relationship types that can benefit from us finding closure? Why do we sometimes feel safer to hold onto our pain instead of choosing to let it go and move forward? How can we breakthrough vicious cycles of a certain relationship dynamic/pattern? * THEME: closure beyond romance 9 types of relationship closures 'forgive & forget' relationship patterns grief loss rejection abandonment soul fragments self-reclamation snowball effect of relationship baggage

YOUR QUESTION OF THE WEEK: "Hi Val, I’ve been on back to back video and voice calls. Even after work, I'm on personal calls. I receive texts from my colleagues and bosses after office hours. It’s getting overwhelming. Everybody seems to be having fun but I'm not. Is something wrong with me?"

DISCOVER:

- What are the core fears that make us vulnerable to social obligations we secretly resist?

- How do we discern Selfishness versus Self-Cultivation?

- How can we authentically communicate what we feel with grace and respect?

- How do we reclaim our personal space and energy in our current fast-paced and highly-connected world?

- What are the false beliefs that withhold us from having quality relationships while nurturing our wellbeing?

- Why is growth not always about 'adding on' to our lives?

TOPICS COVERED:

social burnout

obligations

navigating a highly connected world

healthy boundaries

self-compassion

self-respect

expressing your needs

guilt-trips

selfishness vs. self-care

'subtraction' for growth

This week's question from a reader: 

"Hi Val, I feel suffocated by stress and anxiety because I've nowhere to let it out, especially during lockdown. 

I'm struggling with work and taking care of myself..

I'm stuck with my family 24/7 where there's daily conflict and increasing tension. 

I've tried so hard on everything I could to feel better but I'm still stuck. What can I do?"

In our Q&A Thursday debut, co-host and Breakthrough Woman Ambassador Pearl Lee joins me for the first time to share her story in a similar scenario as someone who's been working from home for 10 years now.

When does workaholism hurt our wellbeing?

How does our relationship with ourselves impact our relationships with people at home and work?

What was the harrowing wake-up call she wishes

none of us have to experience?

What are the lessons and practices we can apply today (without burning out later)?

TOPICS COVERED: 

burnout

workaholism

escapism

insomnia

friction with family

irritation with colleagues

frustration with self

guilt of 'emotional dumping'

on boss and friends