STOP! I've just been triggered

We are back today to chat about when our triggers cause us to feel sad :( 

"This is one I really struggle with for many, many, many years. Everything made me feel sad. I think it’s my default emotion." says Candice

And that not uncommon for empathetic people. 

Sadness is one of those things that we all feel from time to time and all sorts of things can trigger us to feel sad. 

• having trouble at home (for example, family fights or domestic violence)

• having trouble at school or work, or feeling pressure there

• moving home

• losing a loved one or a friend

• being ill, or caring for someone who is ill

• experiencing chemical changes in your body (from puberty, drugs or medicines)

• experiencing changes in your thoughts (for example, developing an unhelpful thinking style such as being self-critical, or learning new information about subjects such as poverty or terrorism).

Sadness often occurs at the same time as other feelings, such as anger, stress, guilt, grief, anxiety or hopelessness. 

Sometimes, the other feeling may be so strong that you don’t realise you are sad. Or the sadness masks those other feelings. So sadness is one that often needs a little investigating to get to the root cause. 

Tune in to hear us chat about navigating sadness....

It’s nice to be back after a little extended break! We thought we’d run a little series called Behind the Triggers to look into the emotions behind our triggers … 

A lot of us have that anxious feeling running through our bodies on a regular basis, and those feeling comes in a variety of states -

from intense alarm bells loudly ringing to fear running in the background of our thoughts. 

And when this happens, we may withdraw socially, rely on substances or get caught up in drama to escape this feeling of impending doom.

Truth is we end up walking through life fearful of looking at what causes this overwhelming worry & we begin to believe that we are just anxious because one or both of our parents were  worriers.

It’s amazing how quickly we accept this as truth, instead of we are in fear because we have been traumatized at one or more points in our lives. 

Tune in and listen to us chat about finding safety when triggered.

Nat and Candice have been chatting about how to make this podcast as impactful as possible, and have decided to, every now and then, include an episode that is a guided experience to help people navigate particular triggers or the impacts of triggers.

In this episode you will be guided on an experience to help remove the emotional charge of a history of not feeling heard.

This guided experiences are a combination of the modalities Nat and Candice use, influenced by narrative therapy, hypnotherapy, meditation, parts therapy and somatic release… We are going to go gently with these and encourage everyone to be gentle with themselves as they follow along.

Think of this as a self-help audio to be followed when it’s safe to do so, with your eyes closed and body relaxed. So maybe in bed, on the couch, somewhere comfortable and safe to follow along.

Relax in and allow yourself to fall into a dream like state.

All sorts of things can get passed down through families generationally, physical characteristics, personality traits, genetic conditions, and in some cases trauma can also be inherited.

Fascinating isn’t it. Now there is still a stack of research that needs to happen to really clarify exactly how this happens and how it all works. But at the moment there are theories around it occurring through in-utero exposure to things like stress hormones and also trauma being passed down and activated through epigenetics.

If you think of it from an evolutionary perspective, because our brains are hardwired to keep us safe, for our survival we are passing down what our brains/bodies think are essential survival traits, but is actually trauma… Humans are a very clever species, but we all still have these primitive survival instincts that happen on autopilot unless we do some work essentially rewire those instinctual responses and make changes in our life around the things that trigger those responses.

Listen along to this fascinating and often forgotten part of the trauma experience.

In our latest episode we are chatting about Big T Trauma. It's a bit of a heavy on, just a heads up!

Big T Trauma is a reaction to a deeply disturbing, life-threatening event or situation — so for example, war, natural disasters, violent crimes, a school shooting, a serious car accident, or sexual abuse. In addition, the death of a parent or loved one can be a big T trauma. 

These are the types of trauma that can lead to PTSD.  For trauma to be considered PTSD, symptoms must last more than a month and be severe enough to interfere with daily functioning.

Acute big T trauma results from a single traumatic incident, while chronic big T trauma is the result of repeated, ongoing trauma, such as physical or sexual abuse or domestic violence. Bullying or cyberbullying can also qualify as chronic trauma, particularly if it is severe and ongoing.

Big T trauma and PTSD have serious mental, physical, and emotional impacts on people.

As we said it's a heavy one, but it's worth a listen.

Nat and Candice are back after an extended silly season break!

In this episode we start a micro series on trauma. 

Trauma untreated can lead to all sorts of unhelpful habits and patterns in our lives. Unfortunately, there is so much confusion out there around trauma and trauma therapy so we thought we would help shed some light on it.

In this episode we explain briefly what trauma is and share two techniques we use with our clients to instil a safety resource within. This resource allows you to come back to a place of safety when the healing work feels like it is getting too much. 

Have a listen and let us know what you think. 

Blessings

Nat and Candice

Join us as we chat about the benefits, and how to, start releasing emotional blockages from the body! Be sure to tune into Episode 4 or Season 2 before listening to this one! They go hand in hand x

Join Nat and Candice as they chat about the impact that long term emotional triggers can have on our health. To avoid dis-ease it is so important to move through your triggers! Have a listen and find out how you can start!

It’s getting towards the end of the year and we can all start to feel a little drained, it’s been another big year and we are starting to think about and get organised for the silly season, so I am looking forward to chatting about emotional exhaustion.

I think it’s an important topic to chat about too. A little different than our usually episodes where we did into particular triggers, rather today we will chat and give examples around how ALL triggers, on top of day to day life can lead to exhaustion and it’s a real epidemic. We are an exhausted society!

Like we chatted about in our last episode, it can feel like there is so much pressure to keep going and keep getting ahead, it can feel like it never goes away.

But there is a big difference between daily stress and emotional exhaustion, it’s the constant stresses of life that keep going and going and going. And naturally, as we know all the things we do in life leave us vulnerable to any number of triggers that pile onto our mind and bodies stress loads.

Let's chat! 

Sometimes it can feel like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. The Pressure to get ahead can really weigh you down.

Candice: And too much pressure can make a lot of us angry, resentful,  feed up or sad. Or simply, over time, knock you out cold with burnout, which is exactly what happened to me. I was a classic young person over planner with a plan in my mind (at 21 I want to be starting my career, but 25 I want to be earning x amount of money, at this age I want to be engaged, at this age I need to buy a house at this age I need to have kids) I was constantly striving and putting so much pressure on myself that I not only burnt out, I lost who I even was, because I had become this life list without actually checking in on myself over the years.

Natalie: Exactly, me too, I think a lot of people will relate to that! And the overwhelm to achieve can be crippling. Sometimes when we don’t achieve those steps to get ahead when we want to we feel like a failure and that can fast track burnout or even lead to anxiety or depression.

Let's explore the pressure to get ahead... 

Emotional shock hits all of us at one point or another doesn’t it and it can feel very jarring or jolting in your body, and mind.

It’s in those moments after we live through something hard or challenging, and we keep rationalising what happened, and telling ourselves to just ‘get over it’.

But we can’t snap out of feeling strange and unsettled, no matter how hard we try. We enter something often referred to as emotional shock, otherwise known as The Trauma response.

We can’t just easily snap out of it because we are triggered. We need some tools in our little life skills toolkit to move through the triggering event/s.

This is a huge topic at the moment (emotional shock and trauma) with many therapists & practitioners, and there is also new research coming out all the time around emotional shock and trauma which is very exciting. 

Let's dive in! 

In this episode we are going to explore the feelings of being unheard, or misunderstood, and we aren’t talking about speaking loudly or audibly enough, we are talking about when you put yourself out there, share your thoughts and feelings, desires and you feel like they aren’t being picked up by the person you are sharing with.

When it comes to triggers, sometimes, if you have past experiences of not being heard or understood, you may be prone to feeling this way often, or be hypervigilant, or always on the look out for other people not hearing you.

For example: Your past experience might be that you were raised as ‘children should be seen and not heard’ or it might be an accumulation of events like in your childhood when you wanted to play soccer, but you were made to play basketball, you wanted to write and be creative but you were raised in a family where that was seen as airy fairy and not aloud to explore your creative side and so on.

Have a listen. 

Betrayal trauma is the result of the violation of a deep attachment. We have all experienced it to some degree, but for some it can leave us easily triggered throughout our adult life. 

Join us as we chat a little able betrayal and some mindful based activities you can use to support yourself to navigate this difficult on! 

Welcome to episode 18 of STOP! I've Just Been Triggered. 

In this episode we are chatting about learned hopelessness - it's a tough one to navigate and stems, generally, from childhood or traumatic experiences where your needs were not met and you weren't in a position to be able to help yourself. 

Research shows that ones motivation to react is subdued when control over a situation is lost - when you are triggered and feelings of helplessness creep back in, even when the situation changes and it is possible to take back control it can feel like this isn't an option. 

In this episode we share a few mindful tips and tricks to start to navigate this trigger, to soften the edges so it can feel safe to do the deeper healing work that might be needed with the support of a therapist. 

Mum-guilt, Dad-guilt, parent/guardian guilt is such a real thing and it really is the underlying cause of soooo many parents not doing the self-care activities they need to do in order to be okay. The thought of self-care triggers the emotion of guilt and it really gets in the way.

We are both Mums and we have chatted at length about how difficult it has been, and at times continues to be, to prioritise self-care and the thing that always gets in the way is guilt – it’s selfish to look after yourself when you should be looking after your family – there are more important things to spend your money on – the children are the priority, their needs are more important. Eek... That inner story is soooo real. And the feeling of guilt can just be crippling. Even when we know that we can’t keep pouring from an empty cup, even when we know that if we look after ourselves we can show up with more energy and attention for those around us – it’s not rational.

Join us as we explore self-care and parenting. 

We all know it's important to look after ourselves, but for so many people that leaves them with feelings of guilt, overwhelm, a sense of laziness or selfishness. So what do you do when you know you need to take care of your needs, but when you do you feel worse of for doing it. 

In this episode we explore what self-care really is and a few tips to take the edge off when you feel emotionally triggered at the thought of self-care! 

In this episode we are going to start to explore self-identity and how we can trigger ourselves based on who we identify as as an individual.

So, what is self-identify? Your self-identity is a combination of personality traits, abilities, physical attributes, interests, hobbies, and/or social roles from your personal identity that you specifically selected to identify yourself, or that you have been influenced to identify yourself as.

A strong sense of self is vital, especially in this day and age. With so many external influences and variables that can change our lives in an instant and pull the roots out from where we stand, a robust sense of self is what keeps us grounded and on the right course. A strong sense of self allows us to go through any storm we may encounter without being swayed by the winds of change.

Developing our own sense of self is really important and beneficial. But when other question our sense of self – or if we question our own sense of self – we can find ourselves feeling triggered because it feels like the rug has been pulled out beneath us.

Let's have a conversation around self-identify and how threats to or loss of self-identity can leave you triggered. 

Also, here is the list of self-reflection questions we talk to in this episode:

· What am I good at?

· What am I so-so at?

· What am I bad at?

· What makes me tired?

· What is the most important thing in my life?

· Who are the most important people in my life?

· What do I like about myself?

· How much sleep do I need?

· What stresses me out?

· What relaxes me?

· What’s my definition of success?

· What type of worker am I? What work do I enjoy?

· How do I want others to see me?

· What makes me sad?

· What makes me happy?

· What makes me angry?

· What type of person do I want to be?

· What type of friend do I want to be?

· What do I think about myself?

· What things do I value in life? What are my personal values?

· What makes me afraid?

Happy self-reflecting!  

It was Mother’s Day here recently and it got us thinking about what a celebration Mother’s Day is, but also how hard it is for so many women around the world – for those who have lost their mum, for those that have a tough relationship with their mother, for those that desperately want to be a mum but can’t, and for those who tragically have lost their children.

And it’s not just Mother’s Day, for many people different holidays and special occasions are a time for celebrating and for others are really difficult times - birthdays, anniversaries, religious holidays, graduations, mothers day, fathers day, weddings, personal achievements.

Celebrations are a really important part of life, and there are even studies now that show there are significant benefits in celebrating, including improved physical health and better coping strategies. People who take time to reflect on — and celebrate — their successes are generally more optimistic, take better care of themselves and tend to be less stressed. So the take-a-way from this conversation is certainly not to stop celebrating.

Celebrating is a really great thing to do, but unfortunately, for many people, events and dates that are looked at as a celebration can be emotional triggers, so let’s have a conversation around that any maybe look at some ways to support ourselves if we are experiencing those triggers and maybe some ways to support those we love who are experiencing those triggers.

We might love our siblings, but that doesn't mean they don't trigger us from time to time! 

There always seems to be a good one, funny one, caring one, pretty one, wild one, favourite one, middle one, eldest one, youngest one... you get the point - sibling dynamics are diverse!

Join us as we chat about sibling triggers and share some simple mindful techniques to help navigate the next family catch up. 

In this episode we explore how to start to mindfully manage our triggers that stem from the way we were parented. We recap on the RAIN process (Recognise that we are being triggered, then we Allow ourselves to feel all the feels, then when ready we Investigate & then Nurture that place in us that needs nurturing, compassion & love) and Natalie guides us through a fabulously healing process. 

In this episode you get to do some of that wonderful healing and letting go work. 

We all know that parenting is unique & comes unscripted so to speak, so how do you cope when in fact your parents are the ones who have seemed to have caused you the most hurt often unbeknownst to them?

Great question Candice, it’s such a tough topic… Most of us love our parents & don’t want to portray them as doing us wrong. We are often told they tried their best, or did what they could, but even the slightest emotional scarring can have a significant impact… especially when we then become parents.

It’s like opening Pandoras Box.

Listen to the full episode. In episode 12 we will explore healing these triggers, but for now, let's explore how our parents parenting triggers us as we raise our little ones. 

Join Natalie and Candice in this episode as they chat about parenting and how when we work on our own personal triggers we are in a better position to respond when the kids behaviour isn't on point (think tantrums, talkback, not listening - all the things kids do). 

Join Natalie and Candice in this DOUBLE LENGTH episode as they explore triggers that pop up in the ongoing pursuit of a work-life balance. 

We all know work-life balance is important and when we have it life is great, when we don't life gets a whole lot tougher! 

Listen in to learn a few mindful and compassionate tips that Natalie and Candice use to navigate work-life balance and avoid burnout. 

In the episode we chat about work and how easy it is to get triggered! We invest so much of ourselves into our work and so many of us identify our personal identity and self-worth alongside our job. 

When work, or work peers trigger you work becomes unproductive and unenjoyable - we spend too much time at work to let this happen!

In this episode we look at:

• Past work events that impact our current employment
• Ego
• Values and Beliefs
• Stress

Listen and let us know if work is triggering you!! Let's be honest, it gets to us all at times! 

Enjoy 

In this episode we look at the role expectations play in our life - expectations we place on others, ourselves, the world - and of cause expectations others place on us! 

When our expectations aren't met we can feel all sorts of things - sad, frustrated, angry, let down, inadequate.... 

Listen to learn how to navigate expectations and associated emotional triggers in a mindful and compassionate way. 

Relationships can be huge emotional triggers! In this episode we chat about relationships and how we carry our past hurts into our relationships and how in doing so we can find ourself blowing things out of proportion. 

In our first episode for 2022 we are wrapping up our dive into the RAIN process to work through emotional triggers. In this episode we bring in the love and kindness that is needed to heal our triggers and we explore a few other mindful activities such as yoga, meditation, journalling and yoga/mindful living techniques to support yourself to do the healing work.

Welcome as we continue our deep dive into the RAIN mindfulness process to overcome emotional triggers. In this episode we explore the 'investigate' step, which is around exploring our past for where our emotional triggers stem from. When we take the time to really investigate our emotional triggers it gives us knowledge around the parts of us that need healing. 

In episode 3 we continue to explore the RAIN process diving into A is for allowing. 

In this episode we share a meditative process you can practice to increase your ability to allow yourself to sit with your emotions. 

The steps of this meditation are below for your reference and use:

- Take a moment to settle into your position ensuring you feel stable and supported.

- Connect with each of your senses to help you to ground and centre yourself.  Followed by sitting with and watching your breath for a little while. 

- Connect to your Body. Start by scanning your body from head to toes and simply noticing what ever is there. You might also gently say in your mind, to whatever sensation you notice “it’s ok you are here”. Take time to deeply connect and look within, and as much as you can allow it to be there, noticing and giving yourself permission to be.

- Then invite in a feeling of Acceptance, of Allowing, and feel it wash over the whole of you. The intention here is to initiate a relaxation, a release of tension. A whole Body Relaxation where the focus is on inviting in relaxation rather than focusing on sensations within the body. Inviting in this feeling of acceptance. It becomes an experience of surrendering to relaxation, allowing it to flow through your whole body.

- Next rest in your Heart Space, where you feel emotions, and allow what is there to be there and invite the sensation of acceptance and relaxation to wash in slowly.

- Spend some time in stillness here, return to your natural breath/sense of touch/sound if you find yourself wandering and becoming lost in thought.

- Consciously connect once again to your senses, the sensations in your body, the feeling of your whole body. Take some purposeful deeper breaths, start to move your body slowly. If you have had your eyes closed you can gently and slowly open them.

Over the next four episodes we are going to explore the RAIN method or Recogise, Allow, Investigate, Nurture. Today's episode is diving into the R step. Recognising when you are triggered, along with some tools to helps strengthen your ability to recognise your emotional responses in the moment. 

Enjoy 

Natalie and Candice 

In episode Natalie and Candice provide an overview of everything triggers - how to spot them, where the come from and what you can do about them. 

Join us as we chat about everything triggers - what they are, why they happen, and most importantly how to respond rather than react!