Skip to main content
My Messy Little Life Podcast

My Messy Little Life Podcast

By Suzanne Denigris
I share personal stories about grief, suicide loss, widowhood, solo parenting, anxiety, healing and post traumatic growth. I am saying out loud what others may not have the words or the courage to say themselves. This is an honest and sometimes inappropriate look at real life. Follow my blog My Messy Little Life at www.mymessylittlelife.com/
Where to listen
Apple Podcasts Logo

Apple Podcasts

Google Podcasts Logo

Google Podcasts

Pocket Casts Logo

Pocket Casts

RadioPublic Logo

RadioPublic

Spotify Logo

Spotify

Currently playing episode

Ep 15 - This Time of Year

My Messy Little Life Podcast

Ep 15 - This Time of Year

My Messy Little Life Podcast

1x
Ep 36 - Epiphany
In this episode I talk about how resistance is my go to response in most situations, how I’ve noticed my son’s anxiety showing up more and how it’s easy to be a parent but to be a good parent is so hard. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com and on Instagram @my_messy_little_life
16:03
July 04, 2022
Ep 35 - Size 4
In this episode I talk about how I grew up in a culture obsessed with looks, how I watched all the girls in school hate their bodies and how for the first time in my life I felt fat. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
16:24
June 27, 2022
Ep 34 - Baby Steps
In this episode I talk about how there was a period of time when I was not okay, how we started to baby step our way into what we now refer to as Saturday Adventures and how doing an aerial obstacle course reminded me exactly of this grief journey that I’ve been on for so long now. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
15:47
June 20, 2022
Ep 33 - Ice Breaker
In this episode I talk about how I usually get anxious during summer and other long breaks from school, how I do not like crying in front of people and how fifth grade was when my son really started to shine. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
13:20
June 13, 2022
Ep 32 - The Stillness
In this episode I talk about how I had my worst migraine attack yet, how I used to keep myself busy to avoid thoughts and feelings and how I blame toxic productivity culture for not knowing how to rest. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
17:04
June 06, 2022
Ep 31 - Teachable Moments
In this episode I talk about how people are mostly not okay right now, how there was a time that I was triggered by everything and how I’m trying to get better about asking for and accepting help. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlife.com.
15:57
May 30, 2022
Ep 30 - Dateable
In this episode I talk about how the idea of a partner sounds nice but the production of looking for one sounds hideous, how I worry that in a relationship I will lose myself again and how I’ve already survived the worst heartbreak of all. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
14:47
May 23, 2022
Ep 29 - Overreacting
In this episode I talk about how with hormone imbalance I have experienced low grade depression, how I got up the courage to rejoin the gym and how I no longer see crying as a setback or failure or an overreaction to grief. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
14:57
May 16, 2022
Ep 28 - Perspective
In this episode I talk about how the logistics of an event are way more anxiety inducing then the event itself, how once you decide to hold onto a thought that is all your brain is going to allow you to see and how I gained a whole new perspective after my husband died. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
16:20
May 09, 2022
Ep 27 - Mama Bear
In this episode I talk about how when my husband died I broke all the rules, how I just do what I can to show my son love and how the part of parenting I struggle with the most is letting him fail. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
17:27
May 02, 2022
Ep 26 - Now What?
In this episode I talk about how I still get nervous when talking to new people who don’t already know my husband died, how my real healing began when I started loving myself and how I feel like I’m at the mercy of my hormones. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
20:35
April 25, 2022
Ep 25 - Season Finale
In this episode I talk about how I decided to start my own podcast, how I’ve often wondered if consistently talking about my husband keeps grief in the forefront of my mind and is keeping me from moving forward in some way and how I thought this would be a good place to pause and come up for air and decide what I want the podcast to look like going forward. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com. You can find my life coach Krista St-Germain and The Widowed Mom Podcast at coachingwithkrista.com. Stay tuned for Season 2 coming soon…
12:41
February 04, 2022
Ep 24 - A Full Time Job
In this episode I talk about how the most challenging job I’ve ever had has been parenting, how when my son started grieving he needed everything I had in me to help him through it and how it’s my job to make sure this human being will be ready for the world someday. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
16:19
January 28, 2022
Ep 23 - Control Freak
In this episode I talk about how I don’t like change and don’t adjust well to new things, how I can always tell when my emotions are getting away from me when I don’t even realize I’m having them and how I’ve learned that the need for control is about feeling safe. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
15:31
January 21, 2022
Ep 22 - You Can Do Anything
In this episode I talk about how the resistance I have to facing big feelings is the fear that I won’t be able to handle it, how it’s so easy to focus on failures that victories get glossed over and how in an art therapy session my son said to me, “I love you because you can do anything.”
16:25
January 14, 2022
Ep 21 - End Game
In this episode I talk about how Christmas morning was my end game and I never thought past that point, how I spend so much of my time trying to just get through things and how I decided that I want to focus on being more present.
15:53
January 07, 2022
Ep 20 - The Affair
In this episode I talk about how after I found out my husband died I would ruminate on all the things I should have done, how I found out something I can never unknow or undo or forget and how I learned that forgiveness was something I could do for myself.
17:31
December 31, 2021
Ep 19 - What If
In this episode I talk about how I always know when I’m ready to do something big and daring and bold when the thought of it puts a huge smile on my face and makes me want to throw up at the same time, how after my husband died my “what if” ideas were replaced with “what if” thought spirals and how the only weapons I’ve found to be effective against panicked thoughts are logic and love. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
15:58
December 24, 2021
Ep 18 - Unconditional Self Love
In this episode I talk about how I don’t always understand why I feel the way I do, how I spent my entire life not feeling my feelings and how unconditionally loving myself means showing myself compassion no matter what judgements or doubts I may have about myself and accepting whatever flaws I think I may have. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
16:18
December 17, 2021
Ep 17 - Mean Girl
In this episode I talk about how I grew up in a society that saw self-confidence as bitchiness and self love as arrogance, how hearing myself talk about my experiences changed my relationship with myself and how whenever I’m being unkind to myself I try to figure out how I can show myself love. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
15:25
December 10, 2021
Ep 16 - What Not To Say
In this episode I talk about how when my husband died people seemed to have an awful lot of advice, how there are no perfect words to say in grief and how it helped me to have a safe place to be honest and to have people that would sit with me and just be. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
16:45
December 03, 2021
Ep 15 - This Time of Year
In this episode I talk about how I used to be a grinch around the holidays, how I felt guilty for not doing something special on the anniversary of my husband’s death in the past and how I decided to start a new tradition by inviting my son to a Remembrance Event in honor of Daddy. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
16:51
November 26, 2021
Ep 14 - Hot Mess Express
In this episode I talk about how when I use terms like hot mess to describe myself it makes me feel awful, how I’ve learned that we tell ourselves stories and I’ve been telling mine for years and how I have my shit together way more than I give myself credit for. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
16:16
November 19, 2021
Ep 13 - Grief Grenade
In this episode I talk about how sadness is fairly new for me in this journey, how anger is a disguise for what is hiding below the surface and how it took losing my husband to learn how to love myself and figure out who I am. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
16:10
November 12, 2021
Ep 12 - No.
In this episode I talk about how I was conditioned to be good and to behave and to not ask for too much, how I recognize that people pleasing was a way to cope in the past that isn’t serving me anymore and how I’m tired of saying yes when I desperately want to say no.
16:47
November 05, 2021
Ep 11 - Flying Solo
In this episode I talk about how the gravity of being solely responsible for my son hit me hard, how there is nobody walking through my door at the end of the day to rescue me and how I can’t be my son’s dad but I can be the best mom I know how to be.
16:52
October 29, 2021
Ep 10 - Fear of Happiness
In this episode I talk about how I started having random pain and other symptoms after my husband died, how maybe it’s safer to play small and stay with what’s familiar instead of risking more loss and how I am safe and no longer need to live in fear. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
19:01
October 22, 2021
Ep 9 - When Your Baby Is Hurting
In this episode I talk about how my son’s grief started showing up as rage and frustration and tears, how I worried that because my husband died by suicide my son might do the same and how replacing my anger and worry and fear with empathy allowed me to parent from a much more loving place. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
19:01
October 15, 2021
Ep 8 - #anxiety
In this episode I talk about how I don’t think anxiety was even a thing growing up in L.A. in the seventies, how my husband leaving me triggered something inside me and brought me right back to my childhood and how gaining more of an appreciation of how my mind works has allowed anxiety to have less control over me. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
22:20
October 08, 2021
Ep 7 - How Are You?
In this episode I talk about how the three little words “how are you” can be so complicated, how I didn’t want anyone to think I was too happy or too sad and how because my husband died by suicide I was afraid to raise any red flags. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
18:17
October 01, 2021
Ep 6 - How I Accidentally Quit Drinking
In this episode I talk about why I was drinking and how alcohol started to consume so much space, misconceptions about what an alcoholic looks like and why I continue to choose not to drink. You can follow my blog and contact me at mymessylittlelife.com.
18:07
September 24, 2021
Ep 5 - Am I Healing or Just Hiding?
In this episode I talk about watching a family video from before my husband died, how I struggle with finding a balance between what feels like self care and what feels like avoiding my life and the judgment I was having for myself for needing to rest. You can follow my blog and contact me at mymessylittlelife.com.
15:54
September 17, 2021
Ep 4 - Other Widows Don’t Feel This Way
In this episode I talk about how isolating grief can be, how resisting my emotions would result in panic attacks and how much I relate to Christina Applegate’s character in Dead to Me. I also read my blog post, “Other Widows Don’t Feel This Way.” You can follow my blog and contact me at mymessylittlelife.com.
18:33
September 10, 2021
Ep 3 - Survival Mode
In this episode I talk about how I never really learned to trust myself, deciding who I want to be now that my husband is gone and how I make myself a priority to show myself that I matter. I also share my blog post Survival Mode. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
18:04
September 03, 2021
Ep 2 - The “S” Word
In this episode I talk about the stigma around suicide, how I respond when someone asks me how my husband died and how I was able to turn my anger into empathy. I also read my blog post, The “S” Word. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
15:49
August 24, 2021
Ep 1 - My Widow Story
In this episode I talk about how my husband and I met, common misconceptions about addiction and alcoholism, the events leading up to Brian’s death and why I choose to tell my story. You can follow my blog at mymessylittlelife.com.
28:05
August 20, 2021
August 15, 2021
00:60
August 15, 2021