The Suzanne Venker Show
By Suzanne Venker
In her signature no-nonsense style, author and relationship coach Suzanne Venker offers support, motivation, and countercultural guidance on how to prioritize love and family and build strong relationships at home.
The Suzanne Venker ShowSep 28, 2023
"There was never a time anyone acted like it was appropriate for me to say I wanted to be a wife and mother."
Suzanne reads several letters from women who've been shamed for prioritizing marriage and motherhood over career and juxtaposes this message with the reality of Barbara Walters' life, who did just that.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/books/2024/04/22/susan-page-rulebreaker-barbara-walters/
30-something women everywhere are BLINDSIDED by the reality of motherhood
Suzanne talks about her follow-up conversation with Alex Clark of The Spillover and the shocking reality women experience in becoming new mothers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zuLwSOLjZs&list=PLxx4kcMvHrwLrizrjHljVIsFqv7iLkbQa&index=4
Deviating from conventional gender roles makes most men and women miserable
The culture insists men and women would be happier if they pretended they're interchangeable and moved through life accordingly.
But study after study after study after study proves otherwise.
LINKS:https://news.illinois.edu/view/6367/542579
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2017/09/20/americans-see-men-as-the-financial-providers-even-as-womens-contributions-grow/
https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2006/03/why-feminist-wives-are-unhappy.html
https://thelibertarianrepublic.com/nyt-traditional-gender-roles-may-mean-better-marriages/
Quick Announcement
Suzanne responds to folks who suggested a new way to keep The Suzanne Venker Show going...
Ep. 199: Marriage and family matter more than money and career
Suzanne makes an announcement about The Suzanne Venker Show and discusses her new book, How to Build a Better Life: A New Roadmap for Women Who Want to Prioritize Love & Family, which is now on sale at Amazon. LINK: https://www.suzannevenker.com/books/how-to-build-a-better-life/
Ep. 198: You don’t need to have a big life to have a valuable life
Why should women (or men, for that matter) feel obligated to "change the world" when everyday life can be just as much, if not more, fulfilling?
What if staying focused on life in your own backyard brings more joy and satisfaction than trying to "disrupt the status quo"?
In this episode, Suzanne explains why women shouldn't feel pressure to live a big life when a smaller one is just as noble and gratifying.
https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/advice/podcast-962-the-case-for-minding-your-own-business/
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/15/opinion/cultural-revolution-meritocracy.html
Ep. 197: Are you ready to build (or rebuild) a life that prioritizes your relationships at home?
Are you a single woman (or the parent of a single woman) who wants to take her foot off the gas pedal and settle down with a husband and kids? Are you a married mother who wants to quit her job and stay home with the littles, but your family and friends—even your own husband!—want you to continue to work full-time?
If so, you will NOT want to miss this episode! Suzanne has written a book just for you.
It’s called How to Build a Better Life: A New Roadmap for Women Who Want to Prioritize Love and Family, and you’ll hear all about it in this episode.
https://www.suzannevenker.com/books/how-to-build-a-better-life/
Ep. 196: How to Date for Marriage—In Any Era
Dating in America has become an absolute mess. Men and women have no compass for how to proceed and no idea what the roles and the rules are anymore.
In this episode, Suzanne lists 7 dating rules for marriage-minded women since they have the power to get to what they ultimately want: marriage.
Ep. 195: Is more relationship experience really better?
Don’t marry the first person you fall in love with. The more relationship experience you have before getting married, the better. That way you'll really “know” yourself when you say, ‘I do.’
For decades this has been the relationship narrative passed on to the young and unattached. But my experience as a relationship coach suggests the opposite is true.
So does the data.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ6WXvBvwWE
https://themattwalshblog.wordpress.com/2013/09/05/heres-some-honest-dating-advice/comment-page-1/
Ep. 194: How to Stop Overachieving
Overachieving is defined as the unrelenting drive for high performance, and women are drowning in this phenomenon. Suzanne reads from an article in the Wall Street Journal that explains how overachieving is a form of self-protection that is harmful to our physical and mental health and outlines three strategies to help women stop overachieving.
LINK: https://www.wsj.com/health/wellness/for-happiness-in-the-new-year-stop-overdoing-everything-6b9a4b99 MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP TROUBLES? Sign up here for coaching with Suzanne: https://www.suzannevenker.com/coaching/
Ep. 193. Should Boomers help raise their millennial kids’ kids?
Boomers are out enjoying retirement, and some millennials are feeling abandoned by their parents who are too busy to help raise their kids. Suzanne offers her take on this topic.
MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP TROUBLES? Sign up here for coaching with Suzanne: https://www.suzannevenker.com/coaching/
Ep. 192. Lies our daughters believe
Suzanne discusses the lies women have been fed and unearths the hard truths they need to know in order to help them construct happier lives. IN THIS EPISODE:
- What happens to women around the age of 30
- Why marriage is more important than career
- Why women are not emboldened by providing but men are
LINK: https://www.foxnews.com/media/woman-30s-cries-describing-finally-wanting-kids-after-swearing-off-marriage-betrayed-feminism MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP TROUBLES? Sign up here for coaching with Suzanne: https://www.suzannevenker.com/coaching/
Quick message from Suzanne!
Merry Xmas, Everyone! I'm working on lots of things for the new year and may need to skip a week or two. But I'll be back with a bang!
Ep. 191: 5 Gen X Tips for Raising Kick-Ass Kids
Dr. Scott Gordon is a relationship coach and author affiliated with the Dad Starting Over organization. He focuses on masculine polarity and maintaining a balance of the lover/provider roles in marriage. He also specializes in repairing dead or dull bedrooms. Today he and I talk about raising countercultural kids so they can become independent minded, self-sustaining adults. We discuss: Leading by example Raising boys and girls differently How to avoid being helicopter parents How to create a family that functions as a team How to slow down MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP TROUBLES? Sign up here for coaching with Suzanne: https://www.suzannevenker.com/coaching/
Ep 190. Mothering is more than enough
Suzanne reads emails from new mothers who feel like they're not doing enough by being at home with their babies.
MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP TROUBLES? Sign up here for coaching with Suzanne: https://www.suzannevenker.com/coaching/
Ep. 189. Love & Money Series: The best thing you can do for your marriage is to fight about money
Suzanne talks with family law attorney Bernadette Barbee about financial infidelity in marriage and what money conflicts in marriage are really about.They both then describe what financial FIDELITY looks like in a strong marriage.IN THIS EPISODE:
- the damage of having "his" and "her" accounts
- "girl math" vs. real math
- hiding money vs. transparency
- out-of-control spending
MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP TROUBLES?
Sign up here for coaching with Suzanne: https://www.suzannevenker.com/coaching/
188. What’s Really Going between Mom and Baby in the First Three Years
Babies need constant nurturing in the early years. They are completely helpless and utterly dependent on their mothers—and not just to feed them and change their diapers. So many people think this is all that goes on during this stage, and they could not be more wrong.
Suzanne takes listeners on a journey to see what's really going on behind the scenes when Mom is home with her baby.
Ep. 187: How can I get my husband to see the significance of my staying home?
Have you (or has someone you know) had to convince your husband to live on less so you can stay home with the baby? If so, you’re in good company.
LINKS:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2354917591429890
https://www.suzannevenker.com/coaching/
Ep. 186: Single motherhood is NOT the answer to the lack of marriageable men
More and more women are choosing to have children and remain single. When these women are asked why, most say it’s not that they don’t want to get married but that there are no longer any marriageable men from which to choose.
The so-called "rise" of women and lack of marriageable (read: gainfully employed) men is the #1 reason marriage in America has tanked.
In this week's episode, Suzanne discusses 4 things Americans MUST begin to do if we ever expect to turn this mess around.
Links:
https://www.suzannevenker.com/the-war-on-men-ebook/
https://www.npr.org/2023/10/22/1207322878/single-parent-married-good-for-children-inequality
Ep. 185: Building a Family Friendly Life
Is it possible to combine raising a family with the pursuit of a career? Does it have to be all or nothing? Suzanne reads an email from a woman who wants to know how to stay home with her baby but also be able to work part time and utilize her creative energy professionally.
Quick Announcement
Suzanne explains about some goings-on behind the scenes that are causing a bit of a gap in production.
BONUS EP: "I'm raising great kids, but I still feel like a failure."
Suzanne reads a letter from one of her coaching clients.
Ep. 184: Ideas for How to Live on Less
Suzanne reads a letter from a woman whose parents don't support her staying home with her babies and offers tips on how to live on less for those who are trying to save more money or move from two incomes to one.
BONUS EP: Q&A: Suzanne reads listener emails and answers questions
Q&A: Suzanne reads listener emails and answers questions
Ep. 183: Dismantling the lies feminists tell
Suzanne goes into greater detail to debunk the arguments Ellen Lamont made in the debate Suzanne did with her several weeks ago.
https://munkdebates.com/podcasts/traditional-gender-role-in-marriage/
https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/05/29/breadwinner-moms/
https://ifstudies.org/blog/husbands-with-much-higher-incomes-than-their-wives-have-a-lower-chance-of-divorce-https://www.npr.org/2015/02/08/384695833/what-happens-when-wives-earn-more-than-husbands
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/voices/countries-with-less-gender-equity-have-more-women-in-stem-huh/
BONUS EP: A note of warning to young women from "a highly educated, career-driven woman"
Suzanne reads a letter from one of her listeners.
Ep. 182: Do NOT get married without first going through "The List"!
Suzanne discusses 9 topics couples should address before they get engaged. They are:
1. View of marriage as an institution
2. View on God/religion
3. Geography
4. Work/family plan
5. Money
6. Willingness to address conflict
7. Ability to set boundaries
8. Relationship history
9. Vacations
Ep 181: 4 Healthy Habits to Keep Smartphones From Hurting Your Marriage
Suzanne highlights a new survey that shows smartphones are undermining marriages and suggests ways in which couples can keep this from being their fate.
https://ifstudies.org/ifs-admin/resources/research/final-2ifstechmarriageresearchbrief.pdf
Ep. 180. "You need to hire a man." w/ Special Guest Liz Durham
Suzanne talks with Liz Durham of Being Different about the position employers are in when it comes to investing in young women who have not had children yet, and the likelihood that they will leave once that happens.
BONUS EPISODE: Suzanne answers listener/viewer questions
"My soon-to-be-husband is a software engineer and works from home. I can forsee potential challenges. What are your thoughts on both spouses working from home together?"
"I have a one-year-old and a two-year-old, and they are going to daycare two days a week from 7 to 4. Home with mom or dad the rest of the days. We have no family or friends to help. Can this arrangement flourish for healthy marriage and children?"
"Help! I want to stay home with her children, but my husband doesn't agree."
"What are your thoughts about the cry it out method?"
"Is it possible for some men to have a lower sex drive than women? My husband rarely wants sex."
Ep. 179: Politically Incorrect Data on Daycare
Suzanne is back and talks about the response to her recent interview and video on daycare—and shares the politically incorrect data on this subject that she unearthed twenty years ago when she wrote her first book.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDPFu9-SqFk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhJFfU2OxPg
Quick Announcement!
I'll be back soon.
Taking the month of July off!
Suzanne is taking the month of July off and will be back in August.
Ep 178. How to Nest in a Culture That Wants You to Earn
If you're struggling with modern motherhood, you do not want to miss this episode. I brought back Liz Durham (host of the podcast Being Different), who has transitioned from being a full-time working mom to a full-time SAHM. She and I offer a countercultural guide for younger women who've been raised at a time in which motherhood has been sidelined or even rejected altogether.
We discuss (among other things):
- How dumping the 50-50 mindset will make the experience lighter.
- How it takes a family, not a "village," to raise healthy kids.
- That motherhood isn't about you.
- The significance of the first three years
- How to embrace the discomfort and the unknown
- How to deal with isolation
- Why daycare can't provide discipline
Ep. 177: L&M SERIES: Is money the monster under your marital bed?
Money remains the #1 cause of marital conflict and divorce. But money conflict is never about money itself. It’s about power and control vs. trust, and often it’s about mismatched values.
In this episode, Suzanne discusses three major money mistakes modern couples make and the conversations married couples need to have about money if they want a less roommate-like and more intimate relationship with their spouse.
Ep. 176: 6 Damn Good Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage
In this episode, Suzanne offers six powerful ways to divorce proof your marriage. They include:
- Take divorce off the table.
- Lower your expectations.
- Dump the concept of equality.
- Learn each other's love language.
- Keep dating.
- Don't let resentment settle in.
175. LOVE & MONEY SERIES: How to Be in a Relationship When the Roles Are Reversed
How can couples deal with the changing sexual dynamic that’s happening all over the Western world as we speak?
Suzanne is joined by former coaching client, Lauren Taylor, to discuss this very timely and culturally charged subject.
IN THIS EPISODE:
- Lauren's story
- The share of women out-earning their husbands has tripled over the last 50 years, from 5% to 16% (Pew Research Center)
- Married women think about breadwinning differently than the way married men do
- How to manage the money
- How sex is affected
- Parents' concern that their daughters are outperforming their boyfriends
- Solutions for those in a role reversal, or how to make the relationship more balanced
Ep. 174: The Unique Sexual Drives of Husbands and Wives
There’s not a married couple on the planet who doesn't know that life gets in the way of having an ideal sex life. Many events that occur are out of our control and often derail our desire.
Babies come along. Family members die. Careers shift or stall or in some cases become too all-consuming to where couples rarely see each other.
But if you and your spouse both want a better sex life, you can absolutely have it.
IN THIS EPISODE:
- The things that turn men on and off
- The things that turn women on and off
- The role of resentment in your sex life
BONUS EPISODE: 3 reasons women aren't having babies
Have economic and social obstacles become deterrents to having children? According to a recent article in the WSJ, yes. And there are three reasons.
Ep. 173: Is multitasking undermining your marriage?
Suzanne explains why multitasking undermines our relationships and offers tips for developing our monotasking muscles.
Ep.172: LOVE & MONEY SERIES: Money Beliefs You Bring to Your Marriage
Suzanne's husband Bill joins her to talk about their respective backgrounds as it pertains to money and what they believe is mandatory for having a healthy marital relationship with money.
Ep. 171: Why does my wife DO that? Part 2 (with Andre Paradis)
Suzanne brings relationship coach Andre Paradis back on the show to help couples better understand sexual dynamics as they are designed to be, versus the role reversal couples are contending with today. Men are made to be providers and protectors and are not cut out for emotional warfare with women. Thus, when women behave in a way that feels combative, men often back down. But this is the wrong response.
Ep. 170: Why does my wife DO that? Part 1 (with Andre Paradis)
Suzanne brings relationship coach Andre Paradis back on the show to help couples better understand sexual dynamics as they are designed to be, versus the role reversal couples are contending with today. Men are made to be providers and protectors and are not cut out for emotional warfare with women. Thus, when women behave in a way that feels combative, men often back down. But this is the wrong response.
BONUS EPISODE Q&A: What's your greatest relationship frustration?
Suzanne answers questions from listeners, email subscribers, and even former coaching clients about their biggest relationship concerns.
Ep. 169: LOVE & MONEY SERIES: Money avoidance has become the norm for millennials and Gen Zers
Suzanne addresses the greatest problem with the younger generation's lack of success with love and money.
IN THIS EPISODE:
- the real reason millennials are depressed and broke
- why millennials and GenZers are mapping out their lives backward
- why avoidance is toxic for your relationship
ARTICLE REFERENCED: https://www.wsj.com/articles/young-people-avoid-facing-their-finances-more-than-ever-e853910e
BONUS EPISODE: The #1 reason life is so much harder for the younger generations
Suzanne explains why social media and FOMO (fear of missing out) is so harmful and offers tips on how to deal with this new world we live in.
Ep. 168: PARENTING SERIES: How to raise kids the old-fashioned way (Special Guest: Suzanne’s husband Bill)
Suzanne laments the recent poll which shows that family and religion (and other classic values) have receded in importance to Americans, while the one value that has risen in importance is money.
https://www.wsj.com/articles/americans-pull-back-from-values-that-once-defined-u-s-wsj-norc-poll-finds-df8534cd
BONUS EPISODE: "Just Quit Your Damn Job!": A Cheat Code for Motherhood
Suzanne reads a letter from a married millennial mom who has chosen to stay home with her children despite living in a high cost of living area and despite having a Ph.D. from Harvard.
Ep. 167: The massive surge in breadwinning wives makes marriage much more difficult
According to a new report by Pew Research, American women are increasingly becoming the breadwinners in their marriages. But they're also taking on the lion's share of household chores and childcare.
Are their husbands just lazy, or is there more going on than what the media would have us believe?
Pew study: https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/04/13/in-a-growing-share-of-u-s-marriages-husbands-and-wives-earn-about-the-same/
BONUS EPISODE: Is a college degree worth it?
Suzanne responds to a new poll that shows more and more Americans say college isn't worth the cost.
https://www.wsj.com/articles/americans-are-losing-faith-in-college-education-wsj-norc-poll-finds-3a836ce1