Taco Friday

Que pendejadas are you guys talking now? I think Eric wanted to throw putasos with Jaydog over some bullsh*t. Pero tranquilo, cabron. The orange chicken is getting cold, and Jaydog's just talking mamadas again. Besides, you guys got the world's problems to solve. Juntos, amigos, y ya! Now pass the chow mein, foo, I'm hungry.

You can talk all you want about celebrities, but hey, foo, don't be talking about my girls the Kardashians! You're going to ruin any chance of making them my hyna. But, hey you're doing the Lord's work by double checking on where our tequila comes from, even though no one cares how it got in the shot glass. En serio, no one cares if it came from Chicago or from El Guapo's stash from what he stole from the citizens of Santo Poco before those foos fought back. Que Viva Los Amigos! Que Viva! 

The Season 2 Opener - Taco Friday is BACK, foo! That's a lot of menudo to get over the Season 1 hangover, homies. The pandemic really did a job on these vatos and they lost all their patience for just about everything, except for tacos and beer. And tonterias. Lots of tonterias. Dang... another season of you two clowns? Alright, where are my seeds? 

Season 1 Finale - FINALLY! Ehhhhhh! Just in time for Cinco de Boracho! Daaaaaang... how long did you foos get locked up for? When did you get out??? Jaydog said he found this episode in the back with the other Hispanics, but this episode smells more like The SHU than Fabuloso. So let's see, the lost episode, huh? Riiiiiight. Eric's got a new business going with his Chamacos On Loan program, Jaydog gives a clinic on roasting coffee on the barbecue, and they're both trying to figure out a good appliance to give the novios at the next wedding they get invited to, I mean, if their PAROLE OFFICERS say it's okay. Chale, homes. Know wut? Next time you get thrown in the pinta let a guy know, for we could come visit, foo.

Ta chao? Stah chow? Tah Ciao? WTF?

This is the place to figure out how to get over on the Tuesday Discount Pizza Night deals, while at the same time teaching the younger homies not to expect Ariana Grande to leave her day job as President to pop up and cook the posole for your sorry a$$. What I'm saying is there's good old fashioned advice here on how to live your life, homes. Get with the program. The lowrider ain't gonna fix itself - you better learn to turn a wrench, before the women take all the good jobs. Fa reals.

Orale, the only way to get Eric to stop cussing is to cut out his f&%ing tongue. Apparently that won't stop him from going up against a world heavyweight in two-facedness when he goes to challenge Jaydog to stop cussing for an entire episode. How long can they both last? Can Eric go the distance? Chale, homes. You're just gonna have to listen to Eric's story about going back to night school for his AA for like the 27th time yourself. No self-respecting vato is going to give away the surprise here in the description, cuz know what? C's get degrees, but snitches get stitches, loco.

Hey, foo. That's on you for getting married in the first place.

Awww yeah, homie. Run that HUSTLE, foo. Jaydog's talking that cash-resale value of taxpayer-funded free lunch tickets, and Eric's all about that right now. Ya sabes, foo. But you got nothing on that free power and cable coming in from the tree line, just don't let the electric company see or they'll call the land lord and then we'll all have to move again. Wait - you're talking about small business ownership y que la chingada? What, you think you're all bad now that you file your taxes? Chingao! 

Okay look, Eric's gone too far now. You're VOTING??? I think you're taking this 2020 a little too far, ese. Pero sabes que? If you're gonna do it, vote for the proposition that gives the lightest jail term, homes. I'm waiting for my cuzzin Cuco to get out. What is that thing, a scantron? I haven't seen one of those since I flunked out of English class and had to go to Saturday school. Crazy! I didn't know those things still worked! Jaydog, you should take his test away, I seened him cheating! 

These foos think they're qualified to talk about skilled labor and equity initiatives now. No te crees, wey! Jaydog thinks he's a construction manager all of a sudden, and since the supply of chuntis dried up at Home Depot, he's doing the work himself, pobrecito. A peaceful discussion about how the Mexican lady at the front desk is a unique asset to any organization turns into a full out guerra about the precise number of Mexicans that should be allowed in major motion pictures. It's getting ugly between these two vatos, en sério, pero ¿sabes que? Nothing that can't be solved over a tall can.

Eric's in a storytelling mood, and now we gotta hear all about his childhood exploits - including some oldies but goodies like "Vaquero Eric and the Little Horse That Just Wished They Would Kill Him Already" and one of Jaydog's favorites - "Eric Lit the House on Fire and Forgot to Tell Someone." Hijole with all the fires in Califas it just seemed appropriate. Classic Eric! We're not surprised you ran off and joined the circus when you were seven, or however old you were, you pinche payaso.

Oh what you think you're all bad now cuz you got your stove working, Eric? Chingao, vato. Leave the cooking to comadre and sit outside with a Miller High Life where you belong. Rules for the kickback and rules for talking trash with the homies in this episode - but keep it trucha and stay out of trouble. Ay wey!

Otra vez Eric's going back to night school to get his credits, and Jaydog, como puto, is trying to talk him out of it. We don't know why he's gotta always put in his two cents, but Jay's convinced you can learn anything on Youtube, and he's got the footage to prove it. Learn about civilizations, study criminology, how to make the best machaca, or even how to dig a swimming pool and forge iron tools with just a stick and some ancient wisdom. No mames! Who needs night school? Put that college catalog down and pick up a 40 oz por you could enjoy life, cuz you know what? There's plenty of time to cry. Shiiiiiiiiiiit. You want to cry? I'll give you something to cry about! No? Okay then. Smile now, and cry later.

Ohhhhhhh great... what the hell are these two vatos talking about now? How in the HELL did a trip to the wrecking yard become a discussion about how dark you need to be to spit real talk with the homies? Where is Busta Rhymes when you need him? We definitely need a mediator on this. And a good lawyer. Daaaaamn foo.

Get a load of this shit when Eric and Jaydog both try to choke down how everyone is allergic these days. But they'll both make an exception for one nasty ass "food" that gives them asco just thinking about it. (BONUS EPISODE)

Know, what, homie? We went there. Sorry, but there's something religious about the panadería, and we're not talking about the candles of the Virgin they sell next to those crazy painted terracotta piggy banks. Also, if you need to get a bill or two paid or just cash a check, kick that Dora the Explorer piñata aside and get in line, cabrón. This ain't no regular bakery. Meanwhile, Jaydog opines on the meaning of separate but equal cell phone service, and Eric goes and brings up child molesters, but we promise, it all works out in the end.