The Galloping Abs Society

By Galloping Abs

We are the Galloping Abs Society: a group dedicated to discussing the weirdest, most mindbogglingly bizarre romance novels the world has to offer. The only rule: the books must be free on Amazon.

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The Galloping Abs SocietySep 02, 2020

00:00

01:22:36

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sadist

It's a Galloping Abs Society Holiday Special! We celebrate this magical time of the year with "Sleigh Bells Ring," by Jodie Griffin. Santa as a leather-clad dom in a BDSM scene with multiple reindeer shifters? We couldn't get more festive if we tried. Join us on this rollicking journey of Christmas-themed innuendo, very inventive sex toys, and some North Pole details we never knew we wanted to know. Plus, we're wowed by Tits Von Fappington's reindeer facts and Loins Haversham's mini talk about pain, pleasure, and brain chemistry!

Link to the book: https://jodiegriffin.com/2015/12/sleigh-bells-ring/

Tits's sources:
https://www.fda.gov/animal-veterinary/animal-health-literacy/fun-facts-about-reindeer-and-caribou
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.newshub.co.nz/home/rural/2021/07/deer-penis-exports-the-surprising-rise-of-new-zealand-s-pizzle-industry.amp.html

Loins's sources:
https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2002/01/pleasure-pain-activate-same-part-of-brain/
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20151001-why-pain-feels-good
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pain_and_pleasure

Dec 24, 202101:01:01

The Flying Cunnilingus

Following hot on the heels of our in-person, all together, (FOR THE FIRST TIME!) Palate Cleanser, we surround a table and a microphone to speak sweet, sweet words of fairy porn into your earholes. That's right, we're talking about "That Time I Banged A Fairy," by Vivica Snow! Listen as our excitement to be finally amongst each other overrides any sense of patience or logic. We talk fairies, ADD, really firm fairy boobs, and how we're pretty sure all of the books we've read exist in the same universe. And to flutter your fancies, Tits Von Fappington whisks us away on a journey of fairy history!

Tits's sources:

https://claireryanauthor.com/blog/2017/2/22/2644-the-origins-of-fairies/
https://www.historic-uk.com/CultureUK/The-Origins-of-Fairies/
https://fiveminutehistory.com/the-history-of-fairies/
https://medium.com/lessons-from-history/history-of-fairies-18dff807000e

Sep 10, 202101:01:17

Palate Cleanser #15 (We Do Madlibs!)

For the first time in recorded history, the Galloping Abs Society members were in the same room! In celebration of this moment nineteen months in the making, we all participated in the greatest creative adventure possible: Madlibs. Listen in as we come up with four flawless tales of romance, drama, and genital euphemisms.

Aug 18, 202121:59

Let's Get Horny

Are you ready to gallop off into the sunset? Join us on our quest as we discuss "Unicornia" by Grace Risata. It's a veritable unicorn-ucopia of adventure, thrills, chills, and--surprisingly--genuine hilarity. If you thought that was the worst unicorn pun you've heard all week, don't worry, we've got more! Plus, we bring in a bit of history as Tits Von Fappington takes us through some unicorn lore. Saddle up and ride!

Tits's sources:
https://www.livescience.com/59674-unicorn-facts.html
https://www.wired.com/2015/02/fantastically-wrong-unicorn/
https://www.amnh.org/exhibitions/mythic-creatures/land/unicorns-west-and-east
https://www.worldhistory.org/article/1629/the-unicorn-myth/
https://www.britannica.com/topic/unicorn

Aug 03, 202148:32

The Pufferman Cometh

Did you think we were done with shifter books? Surprise! We talk about what might be our shiftiest one yet-- "Mounted By A Monster: Were-Puffer," by Mina Shay. Join us on a puffed-up journey filled with vapid characters, sudden plot bombs, disturbing anatomical transformations, and a cliffhanger that left us all feeling a bit deflated. Loins Haversham also leads us on a little trip through CRISPR-land, and Tits Von Fappington tells us about some of the weirder animal military experiments!
Tits's sources:

https://www.history.com/news/7-unusual-experiments-by-the-u-s-military

https://www.cracked.com/blog/an-infamous-nasa-experiment-involved-horny-dolphin-lsd/

https://www.vice.com/en/article/9amw88/what-weve-learned-from-giving-dolphins-lsd

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bat_bomb

https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2011/04/old-weird-tech-the-bat-bombs-of-world-war-ii/237267/

Jul 09, 202101:08:02

Palate Cleanser #14 (We Talk Shifters!)

We've found ourselves in a tangled, dense jungle of shifter books, so to cleanse our palates, we talk about the animals we'd like to shift into. Which would be better, a dolphin or a duck? It turns out...neither, because they both suck. We also have a strange assortment of animal sex facts to tickle your fancies and turn your stomachs!

Jun 02, 202118:22

Just the Bear Shifter Necessities

Are you ready for more shifter shenanigans? We were! In this episode, we hurl ourselves headfirst into “Bear Naked Yoga” by Blane Thomas, and experience a world of bear shifters, yoga instructors, more yoga, and more bear shifters. And is this...can it be?? We might have finally arrived at the land of Too Many Genital Euphemisms. Thankfully, Tits von Fappington is here to distract us with a little lesson on the etymology of ‘bear.’

Tits’s Sources:

https://www.thevintagenews.com/2019/04/04/word-bear/

https://www.backpacker.com/survival/bears/ask-a-bear/ask-a-bear-where-does-the-word-bear-come-from/

https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-24669828

https://www.etymonline.com/word/bare

https://web.stanford.edu/~eckert/PDF/BarrettBear.pdf

https://www.pride.com/identities/2016/4/05/popular-gay-slang-inspired-animal-kingdom#media-gallery-media-4

https://www.montclair.edu/lgbtq-center/lgbtq-resources/terminology/

https://www.lonestarsf.com/

May 19, 202101:24:19

Palate Cleanser #13 (We Play Dungeons and Dragons!)

How could we possibly cleanse our palates after reading the last book? By playing a short game of D&D, of course! Journey along with Tits, Lovemeat, and Loins as Thrusty takes them all on a heart-pounding quest of improvisation, role play, dice rolling, and dick jokes. They have a task, a little bit of luck, and a lot of gumption, but...will they succeed??

May 05, 202144:36

Kobold-Hood, Prince of Thieves

Put on your wizard’s hat, gather your adventuring party, and grab your Staff of Unrelenting Fluids—we’re reading “Lust of the Kobolds” by Dani Dundee! It’s a lizardy romp of mates, breeding, and fantasy creatures who share names with David Bowie characters. We geek out just a little bit, and Tits sends us all on a wonderful journey as she tells us about the history of Dungeons and Dragons.

Tits's Sources:

https://geekandsundry.com/the-story-of-dd-part-one-the-birth-death-and-resurrection-of-dungeons-dragons/

https://geekandsundry.com/the-story-of-dd-part-two-how-wizards-of-the-coast-saved-dungeons-dragons/

https://geekandsundry.com/the-story-of-dd-part-three-how-3rd-edition-became-the-mother-of-many-rpgs/

https://www.playboy.com/read/the-sexual-revolution-of-dungeons-dragons

https://www.wired.com/story/racy-dandd-module-oral-history/

https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-26328105

Apr 21, 202101:17:33

Palate Cleanser #12 (Vikings in Space Revisited!)

Hold on to your butts, it's been over a year since our first episode! We celebrate the only way we know how: by revisiting our very first book, "A Viking's Peace." There's been a lot of change since that time, and a lot of weirdness, and a lot of smut. Some might say...too much smut. Not us, though. Come join us on a journey where we look back at what we said about that first book and take a little internal journey as well. Have we changed? Have our morals? Have our standards? How much good can come from one year's worth of bad smut?

Apr 07, 202121:43

Didn't, Nope

Gather your wits and restrain your outrage as we discuss "Taking Kelsey" by Kelli Wolfe! This is a rough one, y'all. We know we've said that before, but this time we mean it. (Make sure to check the trigger warnings at the beginning.) If you can brave this story, you'll join us as we put on some of our most outrageous accents, learn a few facts about dark erotica/darkfic/dark fantasies, and discover what our names would be if we were racehorses.

Thrusty's sources from Thrusting In With Knowledge:
www.ohjoysextoy.com/sexual-fantasies/

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Secret_Garden

www.delconewsnetwork.com/lifestyle/sexuality-matters-demystifying-your-fantasies/article_09b7bac2-0cee-50fb-b41b-717b90fbdb1a.html

www.wbur.org/dearsugar/2018/01/13/dark-fantasies-part-1-with-dr-ian-kerner

fangirlibrary.tumblr.com/post/176529229305/is-it-ok-to-like-darkfic-if-youve-never-been

And the link for that “Guess My Kink” video we mentioned: www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpgszSFG99w

Mar 24, 202101:13:42

Palate Cleanser #11 (With Mariah Ankenman!)

For this palate cleanser, we interview romance novelist Mariah Ankenman! We talk genital euphemisms, her entry into the smut world, get thirsty together, and she even shares some publishing secrets.

Find Mariah: @mariahankenman

Mar 10, 202120:29

Now With 10% More Glans!

Buckle your seat belts and get ready for some man-on-man action, we're talking "Gay Bayou Shifter" by Tabatha Austin! We dive in to this swampy tale of love, lust, mates, and convenient alligators, and discuss how we shockingly had a very good time with this book. And, to top it off, Tits Von Fappington gives us a history of gators in the Louisiana Bayou!

Tits's sources:
tinyurl.com/3m2chcfu

www.louisianasportsman.com/hunting/other-hunting/alligator-tales-stories-from-louisianas-alligator-filled-past/

www.livescience.com/32144-whats-the-difference-between-alligators-and-crocodiles.html

Feb 23, 202101:16:10

Nov 18, 202001:14:28

C-o-m-e the Chupacabra

It's a Galloping Abs Halloween spectacular! In celebration of all things spoopy, we discuss Ffion Rhys's "Come the Chupacabra." It's a tale as old as time: girl meets boy on an Anthropology trip to Mexico, someone in the tour group gets murdered, and everyone gets boned by Chupacabras. We talk Chupa history, this book's mildly racist overtones, and how most of the story makes no sense. Not even a pack of horny mythical creatures can fill all of these plot holes.

Sources from History with Tits:
www.bbc.com/earth/story/20161109-the-truth-about-a-strange-blood-sucking-monster
www.nationalgeographic.com/news/2010/10/101028-chupacabra-evolution-halloween-science-monsters-chupacabras-picture/#close
www.livescience.com/24036-chupacabra-facts.html

Oct 28, 202001:05:18

Palate Cleanser #9 (A new vibrator!)

In this mini-sode, we talk about the things that haven't sucked lately! Namely, TV shows, a hack-and-slash video game, books, and a brand new vibrator.

Oct 23, 202013:11

Domo Arigato Fister Roboto

We plumb the depths of the bonkers and bizarre in this episode as we read "Lick-Her Clean: A Taboo, First-time Lesbian, Robotic Bartending Arm Threesome Erotica" by Misty Miles. It's a fast-paced jaunt filled with strangely southern Las Vegans, vaguely described robots, and more nonsensical euphemisms than you can shake a stick (or a robotic arm) at. To top it off, Tits Von Fappington gives us the scoop on the history of sex robots.
(Her sources:
www.bbc.com/future/article/20160209-the-truth-about-sex-robots
campaignagainstsexrobots.org/
www.newsweek.com/sex-robot-455837
www.iflscience.com/technology/why-sex-robots-are-ancient-history/
tinyurl.com/y3ugpxwu )

Oct 08, 202057:42

Palate Cleanser #8 (Chuck Tingle!)

To cleanse our palates this time, we talk the one, the only, the creator of Space Raptor Butt Invasion and the original purveyor of fine erotica himself: Chuck Tingle! We share with you all we know, which isn't much, and all the things we adore about this human, which is a lot.

Sep 23, 202014:51

Protective Cyborg Daddies

**Note: This episode does not actually contain cyborg fathers.**

Want to feel protected while experiencing the oppressive attentions of three overbearing partly-humans in a mildly sci-fi environment??
Welcome to "Three of a Kind" by Susan Hayes, book four of the Drift series! Join us on a chaotic journey through some heavy plot, looming evil corporations, foursomes, and vague descriptions of Science Things. We also talk the history of cyborgs and try to impress Tits Von Fappington with how well we can speak in sync.

Sep 02, 202001:22:36

Palate Cleanser #7 (A mini retrospective!)

Come one, come all: it's a Galloping Abs retrospective! In this mini-sode, we discuss all of the books we've read thus far. Pirates, Vampires, Vampirates, Shifters, Vikings! Join us as we take a journey down memory lane. How much do you remember?? How much do we remember?? And can we count past four???

(Answers: Probably not much; definitely not much; up for debate.)

Aug 19, 202010:20

Nobody Expects A Midnight Dong

OHboy. In this episode, we discuss "Alpha's Blood," by Renee Rose and Lee Savino. The book is a galloping ride of BDSM, vampires, Monty Python references, and the cheesiest drama we've ever read. Also, shockingly, one of us really enjoyed it.

Aug 05, 202001:23:42

Palate Cleanser #6 (Chatting about fun things!)

In this mini-sode, we discuss things in our lives that aren't irritating or awful: books, podcasts, and a dog.

Jul 31, 202012:28

What Does the Fox Say

In this episode, we discuss "No Fox to Give," by Domino Taylor/Vivienne Savage! It's the sort of book we've dreaded reading--pretty fun, not super bonkers, and just a nice time.

Jul 09, 202001:13:03

Palate Cleanser #5 (Cleansing with La Croix!)

In this palate cleanser, we talk books, graphic novels, and even new La Croix flavors. It's a light and airy mini ep. ...Just like a La Croix. (This podcast is not sponsored by La Croix, although we can dream.)

Jun 30, 202009:54