The Paper Machete Audio Magazine

A brief sample of Paper Machete character comedy by Maggie Winters from the 2.12.22 show.

Hey faithful friends,

This week's audio magazine is "headlined" by no less than Janeane Garofalo (!). That said, it also was an embarrassment of eclectic Chicago comedy riches. You'll hear from pregnant operatic soprano Sarah van der Ploeg, singing a hilarious song about mommy culture by Robbie Ellis, a merciless preview of The Real Housewives of Dubai from Sohrab Forouzesh, Erin Diamond as Sex and the City's exiled expat Samantha Jones weighing in on The Week in Men, and Atra Asdou and Gary Pascal as 1% PR gurus defending week's worst offenders in the headlines. Chase it with a scorching number from beloved metal outfit Aweful.

Thanks, as always, for your tireless faith and generous contributions. 

The Machete gang

FRIENDS,

Our second show back in the Green Mill was a baller birthday bash for a not-quite-but-maybe-almost post-COVID America. Despite the world literally burning, several of our old-school fave contributors still made a big splash, to everyone's delight.

As we attempted to return ever-so-gradually to normalcy, the news gods blessed us with some true silliness—enjoy the tale of the man stopped by Belfast police who insisted the cocaine discovered between his buttcheeks must have been placed there by somewhere else—as well as challenging solemn occasions, like the passing of Donald Rumsfeld. In addition to freshly written current-events segments, swinging tunes by Chicago’s great jazz singer Paul Marinaro, musical comedy by our own Bill Larkin, and standup comedy from visiting Houston-based funnyman Zahid Dewji round out an excellent audio magazine experience.

In a few weeks this currently public podcast is going back to being an exclusive thank you, accessible only to our monthly donors. But we still wanted to thank you for sticking with us through so much by sharing it with everyone for a little while longer. For now feel free to alert a fellow Machete fan that this episode is available to all.

Thanks, as ever, for the support that makes it happen. And dig this hot lineup:

MASTHEAD

Bill Larkin

Zahid Dewji

Atra Asdou and Gary Pascal

Paul Marinaro

Sorhab Forouzesh

Mark Chrisler

The Braided Janes

FRIENDS,

At long last, the wait is finally over. This past Saturday afternoon (June 26, 2021)—despite the very rare Chicago tornado warning just a few hours before showtime and a torrential downpour that could have kept folks away—the Paper Machete officially reopened its run at the Green Mill. A stellar cast and an outrageously enthusiastic audience brought us back to life in a most rousing and entertaining  afternoon.

Included on the bill were several artists who have been in the show since its inception in 2010. And now we're delighted to bring you our first post-COVID shutdown, post-Trump Machete audio magazine chock full of some of the finest in our rotation.

We've said it before and will continue to repeat it: It was YOUR support that pulled the Machete through this awful period. On behalf of both Machete artists and our amazing audiences everywhere, we're beyond grateful.

That said, let's get back down to business now, shall we?

MASTHEAD

Josh Zagoren

Jamal Guichon

Chris Hauser

Sam Bailey

John Szymanksi and Bethany Thomas

Katie Watson

Baby Teeth

Happy St. Patty's Day Machete fans,

This week marks an emotionally treacherous double holiday for us—both Chicago's trickiest day for saloons crossed with the one-year anniversary of the Machete on lockdown—and it has us in a mood, friends.

Our solution, naturally, is a holiday podcast to beat back the blues and blahs of this erstwhile green occasion with comedy and music from Machete past and present. This episode features premium St. Patty's content from Maureen San Diego, stellar standup from artists like Janelle James and John McCombs, some incredible Piers Morgan content, and outstanding Irish folk music from Kate Adams.

As ever, we're gobsmacked by your generosity, which has kept the Machete quietly afloat during this most uncertain, turbulent year. We're still here and we're sending you this only because of our donors. If you've donated in the last 12 months, thank you. And to everyone in our community still listening and supporting us, thank you, too.

We know that live shows will return this year, even if our own revival date is still very much up in the air. But we will be back with all of you, and we're more grateful for you than we can say.

As shots in the arm continue to uptick, our reunion with y'all grows ever closer. Until then, keep the faith and stay safe and enjoy this episode.

Much love,

Team Machete

MASTHEAD

Matt Griffo

Kate Adams

Maureen San Diego

Janelle James

John McCombs

Chris Hauser

Happy Valentines Day, Machete listeners!

Whether or not YOU’RE feeling amorous on this frozen, quarantined holiday, we’re pretty sure embattled QAnon ambassadress Marjorie Taylor Green is hot-to-trot enough for all of us (at least if the most recent reporting on her extracurricular love life is to be believed).

So why not let our MTG satire melt the frost off your disposition, and enjoy several other bits of Machete comedy and music from our past and present with this Valentine’s Day podcast. This edition contains Green Mill performances from Janeane Garofalo and Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me!’s Brian Babylon, and several stalwart Machete voices.

As ever, we are beyond grateful for the support you’ve continued to offer us, and we desperately miss creating a weekly live show for you in Uptown’s most renowned gangster jazz club. We are especially thankful for our monthly donors and those of you that have made financial contributions during the pandemic. You're the reason we're still here, and we deeply appreciate you.

Meanwhile, as we all wait for a literal shot in the arm, may this metaphorical one keep you vaccinated against midwinter blues and post-acquittal blahs.

Stay safe. And love the one you’re with. Because you’ve never had less of a choice.

Xoxo,

Team Machete

2.14.21 MASTHEAD

Brad Einstein

Claire Friedman

Tiffany Topol

Janeane Garofalo

Michael Gomez

Brian Babylon

Atra Asdou

Gary Pascal

Greetings, Machete faithful.

In honor of the year that nearly finished all of us off but didn't, we bring you a special year-end podcast we hope will help you y'all over as we wait patiently for the vaccine to work its mojo and allow us to finally gather at the Green Mill again.

This episode features archive performances from some of our regular contributors, fresh content from our resident musical madman Bill Larkin and feathered sage Chad the Bird, and even guest appearances by President-elect Biden and Sarah Huckabee Sanders (!), in all their tipsy Saturday afternoon glory.

We can't wait to see you on the other side of the worst year in our collective memory, but in the meantime may this episode help make your new year's celebration a warm one, and serve a humble THANK YOU for your endless faith and generous financial support in our endeavors.

MASTHEAD

Bill Larkin

Sonal Aggarwal

Chris Hauser

Bilal Dardai

Erin Diamond

Josh Zagoren

Nikki Morgan

We miss you all terribly, and wanted to help warm up your kitchens, your earbuds, your car stereos—wherever your Thanksgiving pregame or post-mortem activities are happening—with this special holiday episode, featuring outstanding music, comedy and commentary relevant(ish) to the season from  Green Mill show archives.

No matter whatever you're enduring or sacrificing this year, we're beyond grateful to YOU for your faith and support of our endeavors throughout this most turbulent year.

May your holiday feast be enhanced by this gaggle of clever showbiz yahoos.

MASTHEAD
Dylan Carey
Bethany Thomas
Clark Jones
Malic White
Rebecca Anderson
Ric Walker
Reena Calm
Marz Timms and Greg Hollimon

This week is all throwbacks to a simpler time, when we only had the Democratic Primaries, Hillary Clinton, and Trump's pissing contest with Kim Jong-un to worry about.  

MASTHEAD

Amy Auburn

Sonal Aggarwal

Shane Torres

Joel Kim Booster

Sohrab Forouzesh

Ross Berman 

Atra Asdou

MUSIC 

Podington Bear-Uptown

Podington Bear-Relinquish

Jahzzar-Money

Diamond Ortiz-Mirror Mirror

Will be-Introduced Beats

Jahzzar-Airship Fury

DJ Williams-75&Lower

Otis McDonald-Erykah

This week, we bring you a tutorial on how not to apologize inspired by Rep. Ted Yoho's treatment of AOC, as well as archive pieces on the fast food wars, abortion rights, Elizabeth Warren's campaign, and being a Single Living Ur Truth.  

MASTHEAD

Laura McKenzie

Abbi Rajasekhar

Michael Gomez

Alex Kumin

Jayson Acevedo

Ella Gale

Carly Oishi

MUSIC

Podington Bear-Uptown

Otis McDonald-Erykah

BOPD-elevator

Podington Bear-Old Skin

Diamond Ortiz-Mirror Mirror

Blue Dot Sessions-Night Watch

Jahzzar-Elevator

This week's Audio Magazine features new sketches based on Ruth Bader Ginsberg's cancer recurrence and the Washington football team's name change, as well as archive pieces musing on racial segregation, how Enlightenment thinking is used as a cover for sexual abuse, and the Hong Kong Protests.  

MASTHEAD

Brad Einstein

Gem Tree

Vincent Bryant

Jessa Crispin

Marz Timms

Greg Hollimon

Chrissi Rose

Kim Bellware

MUSIC

David Fesliyan-Solutions that Work

David Fesliyan-Scary Atmosphere

Podington Bear-Uptown

Diamond Ortiz-Mirror Mirror

Otis McDonald-Does it Float

Willbe-Home Sweet Home

Broken For Free- Only Knows

Joe Bagale-Thank You RGE

This week's Audio Magazine features fresh takes on Kanye's 2020 presidential bid and advice for universities whose international students are being threatened with deportation, as well as archive pieces about Megxit, Mayor Pete, and Melania's fashion choices.

MASTHEAD:

Sam Trump

Erin Diamond

McKenzie Chinn

Sharup Karim

Skyler Higley

MUSIC

Podington Bear-Uptown

True Cuckoo-This Is Not Effortless

Esther Abrami-No. 2 Remembering Her

Causmic-Unavailable

Otis McDonald-Erykah

Asher Fulero-Pirouette

Sir Cubworth-Butterflies In Love

RAGE-Down Time In My Soul

RAGE-Poppin Off the Rip

Danny Kean/Doug Maxwell-So Smooth

This week, we bring you new essays on the Supreme Court's decision on abortion restrictions, the death of Carl Reiner, and the removal of racist symbols from public spaces, as well as archive pieces on lynchings, White Feminism, and the existence of God.

MASTHEAD  

Zahid Dewji

Alex Kumin

Tristan A. Smith

Josh Zagoren

Virginia Muller

Abi Sanchez

MUSIC

Podington Bear-Uptown

Cooper Cannell-Star Spangled Banner

Coven Cvlt-Sweet Summer Child

Two Face-Causmic

Memory Shop-Soulfuss

Chad Crouch-Elipsis

DJ Williams-Ella Interlude

Silent Partner-Called Upon

Podington Bear-Lazy River

Silent Partner-The Heist

JHS Pedals-Cowboy Lullaby

Rick Steel-Power

Yung Logos-Versace Beat

This week, we bring you a report from the Trump Rally in Tulsa, as well as archive essays on the Straight Pride Parade, White Privilege, and the lack of representation for bisexual men.  

MASTHEAD

Glitter Moneyyy

Whitney Chitwood

Seth K. Thomas

Sonia Denis

Rob Gleeson

Dewayne Perkins

MUSIC

Podington Bear-Uptown

Josh Lippi & the Overtimers-St Francis

Asher Fulero-Towards Us

Back Home-Coyote Hearing

DJ Williams-75&Lower

Jahzzar-Airship Fury

Otis McDonald-Does it Float

Joe Bagale-Thank You RGE

Silent Partner-The Heist

This week, we have fresh essays on SpongeBob's coming out, the rebranding  of Aunt Jemima products, and Mayor Daley's racism, along with archive content and standup sets.  

MASTHEAD:

Mathien

Kerry Coddett

Tom Thakkar

Allison Reese

Devin Middleton

Matt Brown

Jaimie de Leon

MUSIC BY:

Podington Bear-Uptown

Willbe-Home Sweet Home

Podington Bear-Slotcar

Hawaiian Trio-Hawaiian Twilight

Podington Bear-Relinquish

Podington Bear-Lazy River

CLOUDWARMER-The Happening at Three Mile Island Pennsylvania USA

Jeremy Blake-Mia

Deef-Nostalgia of an Ex-Gangsta Rapper

Silent Partner-Get Back Up

MASTHEAD

Mark James Heath

Phillip-Michael Scales 

Dr. Devon Price

Andy Fleming

Pastor Rebecca Anderson

Kevin Bozeman

MUSIC

Letter Box-Far the Days Come

Podington Bear-Bad Scene

Unheard Music Concepts- Depressed Buddhist

I Think I Can Help You-The Hungry Ghost

Silent Panther-Some Obsession

Podington Bear-Uptown

Diamond Ortiz-Mirror Mirror

Dee Yan-Key -Bossa Nova

Patrick Patrikios-Cruise With Me

Otis McDonald-Erykah

DJ Williams-Ellas Interlude

Density & Time-Cycles

Mild Wild-Say Goodnight

MASTHEAD:

Sadie & The Stark

Andrew Bentley

Aasia LaShay Bullock

Audrey Jonas

Al Jackson 

Felonious Munk 

MUSIC:

Podington Bear-Uptown

Podington Bear-Smooth Actor

Podington Bear-Violet

Podington Bear-Fingernail Grit

Chad Crouch-Elipsis

Podington Bear-Gizmo

Podington Bear-Slotcar

XTaKeRux-Demonization

MASTHEAD:

Foil

Bill Larkin

Erin Diamond

Shantira Jackson

Sammy Obeid

Carly Oishi

Peter Kim

Carly Ballerini

MUSIC BY:

Podington Bear-Slotcar

Dee Yan Kay-Communio

Podington Bear-Uptown

Podington Bear-Relinquish

Blear Moor-Dementia

Podington Bear-Smooth Actor

Podington Bear-Saunter

Broke For Free-Only Knows

Black Ant-What Up In The Streets

Podington Bear-Old Skin

Podington Bear-Violet

Blue Dot Sessions-Neon Drip

Blue Dot Sessions-Night Watch

David Hilowitz-Constitutional Crisis

Podington Bear-P Flunk

Podington Bear-Gizmo

Music For Your Plants-Web Surf Feat Jay Curry

MASTHEAD:

Rich Jones

Julia Shiplett

Bruno Pieroni

Zahid Dewji

Jordan Carlos

Whitney Chitwood

Ben Flores

The Oh Yeahs

MUSIC BY:

Hippie Bulle Stoned Funghi-Checkie Brown

Podington Bear-Uptown

Podington Bear-P Flunked Funk

Podington Bear-Gizmo

Jahzzar-Airship Fury

Jahzzar-Railroads Whiskey

Podington Bear-Bad Scene

Podington Bear-Violet

Podington Bear-Smooth Actor

Jahzzar-Roads That Burned Our Boots

MASTHEAD ROLL CALL:

Mike Maimone

Chris Hauser

Tessa Orzech

Megan Gailey

Avery Lee

John McCombs

MUSIC FROM:

Podington Bear-Smooth Actor

Podington Bear-Uptown

Podington Bear-Violet

Podington Bear-Lazy River

Project 5am- A Lazy Sailor Heart

Zan Zan Zawa Veia-Silk Webs

Podington Bear-P Plunked Funk

Jahzzar- Money

Gospel of Mars-Detector

Podington Bear-Slotcar

Podington Bear-Gizmo

Elephant Funeral-Fuckingggg Leaveeee

Welcome to the second edition of the Audio Magazine, featuring content from Natalie Grace Alford, Helen Hong, Bilal Dardai, Ashley Leisten, Joe Fernandez, and Jill Hopkins.

Welcome to the inaugural public broadcast of the Audio Magazine.