theHURTCIRCUS

theHURTCIRCUS

By third.i.tired
A conversational exploration of what it is like to grow-up in the child welfare system, the stories and experiences, and how these systems help to make or break us.
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017. THC: HEReditary
Welcome, welcome, welcome one and all, to episode 17 of... theHURTCIRCUS! This time around the big tent, our host gets into some recent familial turmoil. How sometimes, you have to push through some hardship and discomfort to get to a better place, to open new lanes of communication. A bit of an emotional ride this time around, but that's the circus sometimes babehh! But as always, we try and balance those lows with the highs with a special unboxing of an adored relic, which we scoured many hours online to find. We will have pictures of it posted on the main man's Instagram. That Vader classic, keep them peepers peeled! Can you make the ultimate sacrifice to correct a trajectory you were born into? Is it possible to heal what was, and what hasn't been yet, reciprocally? Welcome to theHURTCIRCUS. Thanks for tuning in! Much love and respect! N. Theme Song by Lonbroh Editing by Nicholas Ridiculous thehurtcircus@gmail.com @nicholasridiculous www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com
1:00:33
June 30, 2020
016. THC: Contact High II
What is the happs m'kackle? Welcome to our second installment of the Contact High series. It is a historical time these days we are living in, it is difficult to know how to create content and what to create that content around. We decided to continue with our scheduled episode but we still touch on current events a bit, it is hard not to. Everyone has to share their feelings so hopefully we can start moving forward. I sat down with my guest Ty Rant, and we discussed the struggle of addiction and the hardships we create for ourselves while in the throws. We talk some recovery and what it means to live as opposed to survive when relying on a high to keep you going. Some innocent stories of youthful trips, and how shame can become our greatest burden. We hope all ya'll staying safe out there, be ready, act when necessary, and listen when necessary. Hopefully we all come out this as people, may the change we all wish for grow from the chaos. Can we ever truly change anything without compromising what we are changing it for? Welcome to theHURTCIRCUS. Thanks for tuning in! Much love and respect! N. Theme Song by Lonbroh Editing by Nicholas Ridiculous thehurtcircus@gmail.com @nicholasridiculous www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com Ty Rant
1:16:03
June 5, 2020
015. THC: bird on the run
Coming to you folks from our bunker, sequestered and secluded, divided and conquered, most of us sit and wait. Wait for what my dear boy? Something. Unsure and inoculated by comfort, the quarantine times are upon us. But it doesn't stop everything! I sat down with an old friend and we discussed growing up, growing apart, and how fear of change can lead to self destructive comforts. We speak about our hardships, mistakes and patterns of hereditary degeneracy and the cycles we try to change. They force you to leave somewhere you will spend the rest of your life trying to get back to.  Only to realize that all that's left is a husk of what once was. Are the broken only meant to be abandoned? Welcome to theHURTCIRCUS. Thanks for tuning in! Much love and respect! N. Theme Song by Lonbroh Editing by Nicholas Ridiculous thehurtcircus@gmail.com @nicholasridiculous www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com
2:19:26
April 24, 2020
014. THC: Like tears in the rain
Wild times, one part impending panic, one part utter boredom. We joked about cancelling this year, until it went and cancelled it's damned self. In our 14th episode, we touch on the current state of the world a little bit, the give and take of the universe, alongside some projects I am currently working on amongst the quarantine downtime. If your a hungry artist, keep an ear open for my t.i.t. mag announcement in this episode! I use some time in the second half to discuss some real life examples of worst case scenarios of tragic downfalls in the child welfare industry. Opposite contexts, same kinds of negligence, and same tragic outcomes. Will the promises of the moment ever meet with the outcomes promised, does then ever matter to now? Welcome to theHURTCIRCUS. Thanks for tuning in! Much love and respect! N. Theme Song by Lonbroh Editing by Nicholas Ridiculous thehurtcircus@gmail.com @nicholasridiculous www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com
51:54
March 28, 2020
013. THC: Drop Dead Fred
Lucky number 13, babeh! Here we are back again for another fresh episode. Today I get into a news story that caught my attention recently, a tragic example of the worst outcomes that can come with a life from the child welfare industry. I also get into the concept of the "imaginary mindset", how a life of reacting and constant sidelining can lead to a lack in self belief. In today's smokeBREAK, I discuss my time transitioning out of the foster care system, and the life I had built for myself after my first big independent move. A most toxic trial, to say the least. Can we overcome the prophecies foretold, or in doing so do we only ensure their most certain fruition? Welcome to theHURTCIRCUS. Thanks for tuning in! Much love and respect! N. Theme Song by Lonbroh Editing by Nicholas Ridiculous thehurtcircus@gmail.com @nicholasridiculous www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com
1:09:06
March 7, 2020
012. THC: piss & vinegar
Ha-Za! Six months later, and we finally reach the end of January 2020! Yes, yes folks, we made it. And what a wild one it has been, the world is in a funny time. Like many, my head has been all over the damn place. I use this episode to take note of some personal barriers I have been battling with most recently; an attempt to clear some lingering rubble from the past that has a way of affecting the present, an attempt to pull one's self out of a hole they forgot they were digging, an attempt to understand all that stands over us. With a smokeBREAK thought drop on the tail end about companionship, cowabungaa m'kakkle! How do we deter the internal sinking of the self when the world is in such a drag? Is reclamation a possibility post expiration? Is it all just a game of give and take, gave and took? Welcome to theHURTCIRCUS. Thanks for tuning in! Much love and respect! N. Theme Song by Lonbroh Editing by Nicholas Ridiculous thehurtcircus@gmail.com @nicholasridiculous www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com
1:08:46
February 8, 2020
011. THC: Wishbones & Giblets
That solo deuce, we made it folks! Episode 11, the last episode of 2019 and the first episode of 2020! Happy New Year! It's the bits n' pieces, odds n' ends episode. Leftovers from the end of 2019 I had yet to put into episodes, and some fresh drops as usual, babehh! I get into some thoughts on the importance of childhood relations, estrangement, siblings, family, all that fun stuff we love here in the big tent.  I share a recent project I worked on, which leads to thoughts on what it is to achieve and how success is handled, or not handled. Also some thoughts on the idea of "going home", what was isn't, so was it even? Welcome to theHURTCIRCUS. Thanks for tuning in! Much love and respect! N. Theme Song by Lonbroh Editing by Nicholas Ridiculous thehurtcircus@gmail.com @nicholasridiculous  www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com
1:17:19
January 8, 2020
010. THC: Double Dragon
Dem double digiesss! Hello folks, and welcome to the 10th installment of this manic ass show. We finally managed to dig up a conversation with my modern gentleman of a brother, Anthony Spezzano. Our paths may have started around the same point, but oh how they diverged. Estranged by a system who never seemed to think twice, conjoined by the struggle that came from it. He is such a smart person, I try my best to keep up. We discuss everything from relationships and society, to our past and its affects on our behaviors and habits. Enjoy this not so recent conversation between two brothers trying to be. How do you build over all the bullshit? Welcome to theHURTCIRCUS. Thanks for tuning in! Much love and respect! N. Theme Song by Lonbroh Editing by Nicholas Ridiculous thehurtcircus@gmail.com @nicholasridiculous @amspezzano www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com
1:45:06
December 13, 2019
009. THC: bad bones, babeh
Episode 9 has finally arrived. After a bit of a hiatus, we are back. Coordination and conscious energy consumption is key people! It is a process though, even still. In this episode we discuss a small speech I gave at an event for supporting youths transitioning out of care and other marginalized groups. I lay out my outlooks on how these resources of help and assistance could be better presented, in ways that benefit all parties involved; lead by example, perpetuate organic and positive growth while embracing and accepting the negative. Especially in times when the negative can seem so much easier. I also share a recent twist in my personal life, that classic leg sweep, oh life.... but yes! How can those with the power to help enact true change not realize the resources right in front of them? Is the true change even what they aim for? Welcome to theHURTCIRCUS. Thanks for tuning in! Much love and respect! N. Theme Song by Lonbroh Editing by Nicholas Ridiculous thehurtcircus@gmail.com @nicholasridiculous  www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com
43:26
November 9, 2019
008. THC: the sh!t luck ballad of lily dawn
In our octuple episode, we discuss some work I have been doing in regards to helping youth transition out of systemic lives into the freedom of young adult life. As well as the issues of experiential knowledge versus theoretical, and placement of power of personal desires as opposed to power to produce true change. We finally got to the sit down with my grandmother Lily Dawn, and get a good look at how sometimes, these cycles, are in our DNA. The breaking of stability, and how the generational inheritance echoes forward in time. Passions run high, misty eyed from the reflection. How do those claiming missions of help and betterment not look back and see the patterns? Welcome to theHURTCIRCUS. Thanks for tuning in! Much love and respect! N. Theme Song by Lonbroh Editing by Nicholas Ridiculous thehurtcircus@gmail.com @nicholasridiculous www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com
1:03:48
September 21, 2019
007. THC: silly boy
In this episode, my intentions were to discuss generational inheritance and how past actions can echo through our lives right down to our DNA. My intentions were to play a sit down I did with my grandmother for the second half of the episode. But, once again, ol' Nicholas Ridiculous got caught up in his emotions and spun-out on a rant about lack of accountability in a sinking system. Why is the child made to feel so culpable during such arduous transitions? Welcome to theHURTCIRCUS. Thanks for tuning in! Much love and respect! N. Theme Song by Lonbroh Editing by Nicholas Ridiculous thehurtcircus@gmail.com @nicholasridiculous www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com
50:56
August 12, 2019
006. THC: Contact High I
 In our sextuple episode, it is our first contact high episode. I share some of my first experiences with drug exploration, and what feelings lead me there. When your only constant has ever been you, how do you take a break from that? Stepping-out here, and stepping-in there. When does the coping become the crutch? Welcome to theHURTCIRCUS. Thanks for tuning in! Much love and respect! N. Theme Song by Lonbroh Editing by Nicholas Ridiculous thehurtcircus@gmail.com @nicholasridiculous www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com
1:13:45
June 25, 2019
005. THC: Shame, Less
In our 5th episode, nicridic hits it hard with a talk of shame, and how we seem to gain it and carry it on the road through the system. Pig metaphors and wishes never granted. Passions run high and emotions show a little on the the topic of hereditary shame and affliction passed on through misfit parentage, enhanced by the child welfare system's stern heel and unflinching bitch-face. Welcome to theHURTCIRCUS. Thanks for tuning in! Much love and respect! N. Theme Song by Lonbroh Editing by Nicholas Ridiculous thehurtcircus@gmail.com @nicholasridiculous www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com
49:19
May 28, 2019
004. THC: April's Fool
Oh April, I always find it to be such a reflective month. A time of many endings and beginnings and just an overall sense of what has come and past. I dive into the difficulties of self celebration when it comes to things like birthdays, and how that may sometimes affect development of self-worth. Especially coming from the world of foster homes and false families. A world where a sense of hollowness tends to solidify, and social camouflage develops. How is a child supposed to know, what they do not know? Can maternal knowledge be passed, without maternity? Is it the generational lessons we never had, that we need? Let's talk about it.  Welcome to theHURTCIRCUS.  Thanks for tuning in! Much love and respect! N. Theme Song by Lonbroh Editing by Nicholas Ridiculous thehurtcircus@gmail.com @nicholasridiculous www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com
32:36
April 14, 2019
003. THC: Cycles & Broken Smiles
In our third episode, I spend some time discussing podcasts I enjoy; This Past Weekend, Dopey, and Broken Harts. I also talk about how cycles tend to repeat themselves, and how being a witness to somebody experiencing the same trials that you had can mess with your head a little bit. How do you help somebody with something you never figured out yourself? Is just being there enough? Or does time just fade and change things so much, they just get too far away for it to ever be made right. Welcome to theHURTCIRCUS.  Thanks for tuning in! Much love and respect! N. Theme Song by Lonbroh Editing by Nicholas Ridiculous thehurtcircus@gmail.com  @nicholasridiculous www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com
29:37
March 30, 2019
002. THC: Jaded Thursdays, Thursdays, Thursdays
  In our second episode, I parse through my own past a bit more. Share some ideas on the split that occurs in life, the Mogli Effect, and existing in the aftercare limbo. Just some guy trying to figure out the pieces, and put 'em together. Share some stories of early life with a young mother trying to find love, and the wildly spontaneous ride that followed. Also I do a poor reading of a turning points essay from a decade ago, some statements from a past self.  And briefly where that self ended up compared to where he thought he was going. Welcome to theHURTCIRCUS.  Thanks for tuning in! Much love and respect! N. Theme Song by Lonbroh Editing by Nicholas Ridiculous thehurtcircus@gmail.com  @nicholasridiculous www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com
30:59
March 17, 2019
001. THC: boxes of soap
Bare with me over these first episodes, as I attempt to rummage through my own history within the child welfare system, and find my podcast legs. I will be attempting to draw conclusions and make connections between past experiences and current behaviors, share some stories from days long passed, and my overall outlook on my experiences in foster homes and how now, growing up, I am trying to manage the aftermath. Welcome to theHURTCIRCUS.  Thanks for tuning in! Much love and respect! N. Theme Song by Lonbroh Editing by Nicholas Ridiculous thehurtcircus@gmail.com  @nicholasridiculous www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com
34:41
March 2, 2019
000. THC: Hello
Just a little trailer letting everybody know what we are about over here at theHURTCIRCUS. thehurtcircus@gmail.com  @nicholasridiculous www.nicholasridiculous.ca www.underbellysociety.com www.dimebagcrew.com
03:10
January 23, 2019