The Pleasure Priority

Soft life doesn't mean no difficulties friend

In this no-fluff, kick-in-the-pants episode of The Pleasure Priority Podcast, Amber breaks down the real reason you need to do hard things—and how resilience is a skill, not a personality trait. From the secret sexism of city trees to the misunderstood "soft life" trend, we explore why challenges are inevitable, but suffering doesn't have to be.If you’ve ever told yourself “this is too hard,” this episode will lovingly call you in—and remind you that you’re stronger (and more capable) than you think.

We cover:

💪 Why you’re not too fragile for hard things

🔁 How resilience actually works

🌱 The difference between safety and stagnation

✨The only way out is through. Let’s go.

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 Welcome and Introduction

00:19 The Hidden Causes of Allergies

02:53 The Importance of Resilience

15:25 Building Confidence Through Action

27:24 Final Thoughts and Announcements

RESOURCES:

In this episode, host Coach Amber shares a self-trust and embodiment hack that shatters imposter syndrome. She shares her own struggles with other methods including the future you exercises and how she edited them to resonate and actually be helpful for her now. She explains this process and shows you how to make it your own. Amber shares insights from one of her own recent sessions and how unresolved emotions and past experiences, including feelings of guilt, unworthiness, and hopelessness, have blocked her progress and how this hack has impacted them. Listen and learn to how you too can overcome imposter syndrome by building self-trust through timeline skips

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 Welcome to The Pleasure Priority Podcast

00:12 The Future You Exercise

00:48 Struggles with Embodying Future Self

02:24 Connecting with Past and Future Selves

03:19 Energy Healing Session Insights

03:35 Unresolved Emotions and Heart Walls

05:56 Lessons from Childhood and Guilt

13:03 Sending Trust through the Timeline

16:46 Manifestation and Transformation

18:16 Conclusion and Next Steps

RESOURCES:

In this episode, Amber delves into the realities and implications of reality TV dating shows, specifically focusing on the latest season of 'Temptation Island.' She critiques the show for capitalizing on entertainment over everything by promoting harmful stereotypes and predatory tropes, such as the 'boys will be boys' mentality, the double standards between men and women and how these shows are particularly detrimental to black women, who are often marginalized and fetishized. Amber analyzes the behavior of various participants exploring themes of infidelity, emotional intelligence manipulation, and societal expectations, as well as the producers involvement and intention in manipulating situations for drama and ratings. While the show and shows like it are incredibly entertaining, they also serve to normalize a continuous lowering of the bar when it comes to expectations of romantic relationships. Amber concludes by reflecting on the broader implications of seeking love through reality TV and advises listeners on healthier alternatives for finding meaningful relationships.

TIMESTAMPS:00:00 Welcome to The Pleasure Priority Podcast

00:11 The Reality of Reality TV: Temptation Island

01:43 Boys Will Be Boys: Gender Expectations

02:52 Double Standards in Relationships

03:25 The Role of Producers in Reality TV

08:21 Toxic Masculinity and Emotional Manipulation

20:53 The Struggles of Black Women on Reality TV

30:29 Final Thoughts and Advice

RESOURCES:

In this episode, Amber explores the topic of self-judgment and how it hinders personal growth and goal attainment. Drawing from recent client conversations and psychological studies, Amber argues that self-judgment and self-criticism are learned behaviors that serves our oppressors more than they serves us. They are optional practices, not necessary or required to make change. We can choose differently and we can choose joy. Amber emphasizes the importance of self-celebration and joy in building as a necessary part of the process when we make change, noting that positive reinforcement is more effective and sustainable than fear and punishment. Amber encourages listeners to avoid self-beratement and instead adopt practices that motivate through love and intention, ultimately leading to more fulfilling and achievable outcomes.

TIMESTAMPS:00:00 Welcome to The Pleasure Priority Podcast

00:22 The Fear of Self-Judgment

02:08 The Illusion of Success Through Self-Punishment

03:28 Positive Conditioning vs. Negative Conditioning

04:12 The Power of Positive Reinforcement

06:21 Breaking the Cycle of Self-Judgment

09:49 Sustainable Motivation Through Joy

11:40 Taking Action Without Fear

17:47 Embracing Mistakes and Moving Forward

18:39 Closing Thoughts and Encouragement

In this episode, Amber discusses her personal journey and evolving views on marriage, relationships, and monogamy as a happily divorced woman. She shares her early beliefs around love/relationships/marriage being equated to worthiness, wholeness, lovability, and the societal and systemic influences that reinforced these notions. She recounts her struggles with self-worth, especially as a black child in a PWIs, and the subsequent unhealthy relationships and toxic patterns that stemmed from these beliefs and insecurities.

The episode delves into Amber’s realizations over time and what she thinks about love and marriage now. She urgers listeners to understand that fulfilment doesn’t come from being in a relationship, it comes from the quality of the relationship you’re in and we have so much more control than we utilize to dictate the quality of our relationships. Amber emphasizes the importance of understanding personal needs, clear communication, and not settling for less than what you want, regardless of if you currently believe you deserve it or not.

She advocates for a broader perspective on love, highlighting that it can be abundant and found in various forms, not just within monogamous or romantic contexts. The goal is to encourage listeners to seek relationships that truly meet their needs without being confined by traditional societal expectations while working to eliminate the guilt and shame imposed when you don’t align with societal norms

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 Welcome to The Pleasure Priority Podcast

01:06 Personal Reflections on Marriage and Divorce

05:47 The Impact of Societal Expectations

11:59 Redefining Love and Relationships

23:24 Embracing New Perspectives on Marriage

26:43 Final Thoughts

RESOURCES:

In this episode, Amber breaks down the life hack of approaching new or scary things with the confidence and audacity of a cis-het white man. She explores questions around how this way of thinking became their default mindset and our rallying cry.

She explores how they created their own permission for delusional self belief at the expense of everyone else. Then she breaks down how you can adopt and utilize the fundamental truths behind these beliefs for your own benefit.

Amber highlights the transformative power of embodying this confident mindset, arguing that it allows people to realize their full potential and thrive a world built on systemic inequalities. Will you accept the challenge?

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 Welcome to The Pleasure Priority Podcast

00:46 Embracing Unwavering Confidence

02:00 The Power of Self-Belief

02:51 Challenging Internalized Doubts

05:35 Adopting a New Mindset

08:58 Practical Applications and Challenges

11:14 Invitation to Share Your Journey

14:01 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

RESOURCES:

In this episode of The Pleasure Priority Podcast, Amber discusses the current FAFO (Fuck Around and Find Out) movement, emphasizing its relevance to Black women resting and self-care. The conversation reflects on the critical role black women have played in pushing social movements forward and the need for us to rest following the 92% turnout in recent U.S. elections that still didn't produce favorable results. The FAFO movement encourages black women to focus on self-care and allow others to take up the mantle of activism while we take the next four years to rest. Amber highlights various forms of rest, including physical, creative, mental, social, emotional, and sensory rest, as essential practices for resting intentionally ad sustaining well-being. In addition, the episode promotes National Day of Rest for Black Women on March 10th, honoring the legacy of Harriet Tubman, and invites listeners to join her for the Black Girl Burnout Society’s virtual event celebrating and discussing the National Day of Rest for Black Women on March 9th. Black women resting and prioritizing personal well-being are revolutionary acts that deserve to be honored and recognized.

TIMESTAMPS:00:00 Welcome

00:19 Understanding the FAFO Movement

00:52 Black Women's Role in Social Movements

01:41 The Call for Rest and Self-Care03:18 Honoring Harriet Tubman and National Day of Rest

04:31 Event Announcement: Black Girl Burnout Society

05:11 Embracing the FAFO Principle in Daily Life

09:34 Dealing with Disassociation and Desensitization

11:36 Prioritizing Self-Care and Rest

14:56 Types of Rest and How to Achieve Them

18:37 Responding to Criticism and Staying Focused

21:09 Practical Tips for Intentional Rest

23:59 The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

25:38 Conclusion

In this episode of the Pleasure Priority Podcast, Amber revisits the 'Body Answers' exercise to help listeners differentiate between 'yes,' 'no,' and 'resistance' responses through physical sensations. By grounding themselves and conducting control tests and creating decision statements, listeners can cut through the noise of their brains and understand their body’s wisdom and input in decision making.

Amber shares personal examples, discusses the impact of brain versus body reactions, and highlights the importance of this practice for self-awareness and decision-making. She also announces a special buy-one-get-one-free offer for her coaching sessions in celebration of Black History Month, encouraging listeners to join her email list for early access and updates.

TIMESTAMPS:00:00 Introduction

00:19 Body Awareness

00:40 Body Answers Exercise

01:47 Control Statements for Yes and No

03:21 Decision Statements and Real-Time Examples

05:57 Understanding Resistance

08:51 Importance of Body-Brain Communication

10:37 Special Offer and Conclusion

RESOURCES:

In this episode, Amber concludes the RISE Relationship Matrix series by focusing on the final letter E and the importance of Excitement in relationships. This series and this tool were created to help clients develop healthy supportive relationships fostered in authenticity and aligned connection. This episode explores how all types of relationship dynamics can lack excitement and the negative impact of that lack, what excitement is and the standard we should be shooting for, as well as the positive impact of excitement in your relationships and proactive insight on how to create it. Amber emphasizes the importance of authenticity, stackable moments of joy, and celebrations to cultivate pleasurable and supportive relationships.

TIMESTAMPS:00:00 Welcome and Happy Valentine's Day!

01:15 The Importance of Excitement in Relationships

01:26 Signs of Lack of Excitement in Relationships

06:24 Revitalizing Relationships with Excitement

06:52 Defining Excitement & Creating Balance

08:48 Creating Excitement in Relationships

13:45 Practical Tips for Cultivating Joy

20:32 The Rise Relationship Matrix Recap

22:28 Final Thoughts

RESOURCES:

In this episode, Amber discusses how we can create security even amid national and global instability. She focuses on creating that safety in ourselves and our relationships first because that’s what ripples out to society at large and what gives us the capacity to handle anything that life can throw at us. In the third installment of this series, Amber breaks down how we can create secure attachment in any relationship no matter what non secure attachment style we’re starting in, avoidant/dismissive, anxious/preoccupied, and disorganized/fearful/avoidant. Amber speaks to what non secure relationships look like in the real world as well as what secure relationships can look like. She highlights how we can earn secure attachment and some concrete things we can work on to help us get there.

TIMESTAMPS:00:00 Intro & Happy Black History Month00:23 Creating Safety in Uncertain Times03:45 Understanding Insecure Relationships04:14 Avoidant and Dismissive Relationship Dynamics05:58 Anxious and Preoccupied Relationship Dynamics08:32 Disorganized and Fearful Avoidant Relationship Dynamics09:47 The Impact of Childhood on Attachment Styles10:47 The Possibility of Change: Earned Secure Attachment12:25 Creating Secure Attachments15:57 Practical Steps to Improve Relationships19:29 Conclusion and Call to Action

RESOURCES:

In this episode, Amber explains the signs of unreliable relationships that leave you unsupported and disconnected from yourself. She shows the path of how to shift your relationships to being Reliable so you know who you can trust and how to feel safe in trusting them.

Amber introduces her tool, the RISE Relationship Matrix, in this 4 part series highlighting each pillar starting with R - Reliable. This includes a step-by-step approach to setting clear expectations and ensuring consistent support from relationships. Listen to learn what reliable relationships look like and how they improve the quality of your life and your ability to show up authentically and wholly in it.

TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 Introduction: Navigating Relationship Uncertainty 01:01 The Layers We Build: Reconciling Authenticity 02:22 Relationships as Life's Currency 03:32 Introducing the RISE Relationship Matrix 04:15 Reliability in Relationships 04:33 Identifying Unreliable Relationships 09:35 Redefining Reliability: Trust and Expectations 11:16 Practical Steps to Build Reliable Relationships 18:35 Curating a Supportive Future

RESOURCES:

In the first episode of 2025, Amber addresses the most common barriers to achieving goals despite the goal setting method used. Amber explains how unresolved feelings of shame, disappointment, anger, etc. hinder your ability to achieve your goals effectively.

As goal setting season is in full effect, Amber highlights how to incorporate the crucial component of forgiveness into your goal setting process. In this episode she explains exactly what forgiveness is and the role it plays in in your goals, when you know you need to implement this step, why it works, and finally how to do it. Listen to this episode to stop missing the mark on your goals or abandoning them completely!

TIMESTAMPS: 00:15 The Hidden Barriers to Achieving Goals

02:47 The Power of Forgiveness in Goal Setting

03:08 Recognizing the Need for Forgiveness

07:19 Why Forgiveness is Crucial for Success

11:39 Defining Forgiveness

13:30 Steps to Practice Forgiveness

17:42 Empower Your 2025 with Forgiveness

RESOURCES:

In the last episode of 2024, Amber invites you to reflect on your journey through life this year. A comprehensive inventory highlighting both the positive and challenging moments will guide how you evaluate progress and set intentions.

This episode emphasizes the importance of celebrating everything you want more of, so you can continue to create more of it. Amber leaves you with her heartfelt poem of reflection and intention for you to take with you into 2025 as we look forward to the new year with optimism.

TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 Welcome to the Final Episode of 2024 00:58 Reflecting on the Past Year 02:34 Year-End Reflection Prompts 03:38 The Importance of Celebration 04:22 Poetic Justice 06:13 Final Thoughts and New Year Wishes

RESOURCES:

In this episode, Amber speaks to the recent events of the United Healthcare scandal and the collective response of the residents of the US. She explores how so many people can be so indifferent, even celebratory towards the violent loss of life for an ‘innocent’ man, which brings about a discussion on the necessity of rage. Amber walks through what rage is at a fundamental level, what to do with it, and how to handle our desire for violence

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 United Healthcare Scandal: A Collective Response

02:04 The Role of Rage in Revolution

04:01 Understanding and Processing Rage

07:47 Learning from Rage: Meeting Our Needs

11:29 Consequences of Acting on Rage

13:24 Finding Solidarity and Support

14:35 Final Thoughts and Announcements

RESOURCES:

In this episode, Amber delves into the topic of avoidance, distinguishing it from procrastination and identifying its three key drivers: fear-based, safety-based, and desire-based avoidance.

Amber provides detailed explanations for each driver and offers actionable solutions to understand and conquer avoidance. So not only how to recognize when you are being avoidant and how it's affecting you but also how to solve the avoidance at the root cause and overcome it.

This episode emphasizes the significance of understanding your own needs and creating a path towards authenticity and purpose.

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 Introduction to the Pleasure Priority Podcast

01:02 Understanding Avoidance vs. Procrastination

02:09 Personal Anecdote on Procrastination

02:48 Exploring the Concept of Avoidance

03:02 Reasons Behind Avoidance

03:25 Fear-Based Avoidance

04:37 Safety-Based Avoidance

05:35 Desire-Based Avoidance

06:47 Overcoming Fear-Based Avoidance

10:57 Overcoming Safety-Based Avoidance

13:34 Overcoming Desire-Based Avoidance

14:52 Body Wisdom Exercise for Truth

19:15 Conclusion

RESOURCES:

In this episode Amber navigates the guilty/gross feelings you can get around your family during the holidays. She challenges the societal norms that mandate familial obligations, especially when they come at the cost of one's emotional and physical well-being. She emphasizes that visiting family and all that comes with it, isn't actually mandatory, especially if it leads to discomfort or stress.

The episode provides listeners with tools to understand and alleviate guilt by exploring personal boundaries, emotional responses, and the importance of self-acceptance and self-compassion. Amber emphasizes the need for individuals to prioritize their peace and make decisions that align with their values, while acknowledging that this journey is gradual and unique to each person. Amber teaches listeners how to identify the root of the guilt and how you can create healthy nurturing family dynamics during the holidays even when that's not your norm.

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 Welcome to the Pleasure Priority Podcast

01:06 The Pressure of Family Obligations

02:29 It's Not Mandatory: Taking Control of Your Choices

04:46 Understanding and Addressing Guilt

08:54 Exploring Your Needs and Setting Boundaries

14:33 Reevaluating Family Dynamics

19:51 Intentional Thoughts for Emotional Well-being

22:14 Closing Thoughts and Holiday Wishes

RESOURCES:

In this episode, Amber emphasizes the importance of allowing yourself to break free from harmful relationships, regardless of familial ties.

The discussion revolves around the detrimental effects of forgiving and maintaining connections with those who repeatedly cause harm. Highlighting a listener's question, Amber breaks down how to differentiate between relationships worth growing from and those best left behind offering insights into self-awareness and emotional health.

Key points include understanding the difference between complex and toxic relationships, the role of ego in protecting oneself, and the importance of prioritizing one's well-being.

TIMESTAMPS:

01:07 The Harmful Myth of 'Family Obligations'

03:50 Understanding Complex Relationships

06:23 The Role of Ego in Relationships

08:13 Facing Reality and Avoiding Conflict

13:39 Building Secure Attachments

14:53 Conclusion and Call to Action

RESOURCES:

In this episode, Amber shares how to find joy again after the US Presidential election results. She explains how prioritizing your pleasure, especially for those of us that hold identities as Black, women/people socialized as women, and the LGBTQIA+ community, is a revolutionary act and the most impactful work we can focus on. Spoiler alert, that work is not social justice/reform, civil rights etc.

TIMESTAMPS: 01:56 Emotional Resilience and Personal Power

02:26 The Power of Prioritizing Pleasure

05:08 Taking a Break and Focusing on Peace

07:49 Community and Support

RESOURCES:

In this episode of the Pleasure Priority Podcast, Amber starts with an Ask Amber segment dealing with the aftermath of a romantic relationship breakup. She analyzes the situation, highlighting the importance of honest communication, the effects of power dynamics in relationships, and the strength in accepting and respecting boundaries.

She then goes on to offer thoughtful advice and a breakdown on how to reclaim your time and energy even during a breakup.

TIMESTAMPS:

01:38 The Breakup Bombshell

06:17 Amber's Insight: Analyzing the Situation

17:15 How to Reclaim Your Time and Energy

RESOURCES:

In the milestone 100th episode of the Pleasure Priority Podcast, host Amber celebrates by introducing a new segment called 'Ask Amber,' where listeners can seek advice for their real-life dilemmas. This episode features discussions on maintaining familial boundaries during challenging times, the importance of honesty and transparency in your relationships, and how to be intentional and present with your time even when you have a never ending to-do list. 

Amber also announces a special giveaway of a $100 Amazon gift card for a lucky listener who leaves a podcast review. 

RESOURCES:

In this episode of the Pleasure Priority Podcast, Amber delves into the 'Ex-Professional Good Girl' persona, the first of five relationship personas discussed on the show breaking down each of the results from the Relationship Personality Quiz. The episode explores the journey of ‘good girl’ archetype who have adhered to societal rules, excelled academically and professionally, and prioritized others' needs, often to their own detriment which leaves them feeling lost and unfulfilled as a result. 

Amber discusses reaching pivotal moments of self-discovery, seeking self-approval, and redefining personal success beyond societal expectations. Key topics include taking responsibility for emotions, identifying core values, setting boundaries, challenging inner critics, and celebrating personal achievements. Listeners are encouraged to take the relationship personality quiz to aid their journey towards improving how they show up in relationships and their overall quality of life. 

RESOURCES:

Episode 90 - You Aren’t at the Whim of your Emotions but you are Responsible 

In this episode, Amber discusses the challenges of executive dysfunction and burnout, particularly for Black and neurodivergent individuals. The episode offers insights on recognizing and addressing these issues, emphasizing the importance of reshaping one's relationship with executive functioning. It explores defining executive function and dysfunction, the impact on mental health, and the risks of burnout.

Amber advocates for understanding personal needs, setting boundaries, and seeking various forms of support to better manage stress. They encourage listeners to redefine success, prioritize well-being, and reach out for help when needed. The episode also highlights the significance of saying no and balancing expectations to prevent self-oppression and protect mental health.

In this episode, Amber delves into the concepts of masking and code switching, their differences, similarities, causes and the impact they have, especially on neurodivergent individuals. Masking is discussed as the act of hiding one's neurodivergent traits to appear neurotypical, often in response to trauma and survival needs, while code switching involves changing languages or behaviors to fit into different social environments.

Amber discusses the emotional tolls of masking, long term effects of masking like burnout, and explains the necessity of unmasking for personal well-being and authenticity. She shares practical steps for unmasking in your relationships and creating spaces you feel safe to be your authentic self in. Amber encourages you to practice unmasking as a revolutionary act of self care and offers her professional services for further support.

In this episode, Amber dives deep into the detrimental effects of settling in life. She discusses what drives people to settle as well as the steps to stop settling.

This episode contrasts the growing 'trad life' movement online with non-traditional relationships and what's actually required to attain peace and fulfillment. Amber discusses the need to curate non-traditional relationships especially when your brain operates in non-traditional ways.

In this comeback episode, Amber discusses her year-long hiatus from podcasting, reflecting on the challenges and growth experienced during the break. This episode covers the transformation of three key relationships: work ethic, business, and environment she had to work on before returning to the show.

In this episode, Amber recaps some of her vacation experience through the lens of life after prioritizing your pleasure. She talks about her own past experiences and things she learned from vacation friends as well as how she experiences life now without people pleasing and what it takes for you to do the same.

This episode also marks the end of an era. We are moving from weekly episodes to seasons. Subscribe and follow Amber on email and social to stay up to date!

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In this week's episode, Amber uses her upcoming vacation to discuss why vacations are important and transformational and how taking regular vacations is crucial to your overall health. She also gives the how to on how you can destress your vacation planning and prepping processes, how to get into vacation mode, and how to not need a vacation from your vacation.

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In this episode, Amber addresses the discourse around 'finding' yourself 'creating' a new version of yourself and how she disagrees but instead believes that what we call finding or creating is actually just remembering and accepting who we've always been. This week Amber delves into identity from multiple perspectives including the identity you likely have operating in overdrive behind the scenes that can overshadow your own truth. This episode will help you understand how you can relate to the different sides of yourself in healthier ways and reassign your identities to the roles and responsibilities best suited for them so you can function more efficiently with ease and joy.

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Some people think that they have total control over everything around them while others think they have no control over anything at all. Based on where you believe you have control of your life dictates nearly every aspect of your life. So building the skill of emotional responsibility is invaluable toward every healing journey. This week Amber dips into the archives to re-release her episode 29, Locus of Emotional Responsibility. After the foundation of the 4 part series on the cognitive behavior tool, The Model, understanding and implementing this concept is that much easier.

The Locus of Emotional Responsibility refers to the position in which you believe that you, as opposed to external forces, have control over the emotions you feel in your life.

Living towards the internal locus side of the emotional responsibility spectrum grants you a level of power and autonomy over what you feel about what happens in your life. This is a skill that can be learned and honed.

Amber teaches you all about the locus of control, the locus of emotional responsibility, how to recognize where you’re at on the spectrum, and how to use this knowledge to build a partnership with your emotions instead of being at the mercy of them.

Listen y’all, beliefs in having total control or total lack of control in life are unrealistic, but don't panic! In this episode, Amber will help us understand how to operate more towards the side of the internal locus of control where our power lies so we're operating more freely where we do have control.

In this week's episode, Amber has Krystal the Goddess as a guest and they explore a conversation around embodying a Goddess identity. We talk about our experiences in growing into ourselves and the lives that call to us, some of the difficulties we faced along the way, and how you can grow into your Goddess identity. We also talk conflict resolution, self care, overcoming the hurdle of authenticity across the board and so much more. This episode explores how embracing your own inner Goddess improves your ability and capacity to prioritize your own pleasure.

CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST, KRYSTAL THE GODDESS Krystal The Goddess, the creator of House Of Divinity,  is a holistic healer committed to assisting Goddesses in raising their vibrations, activating and aligning their chakras and living life as their MOST DIVINE GODDESS SELVES. She does this a variety of ways.  Through HOD’s e-commerce shop (custom crystal jewelry + more), healing events (sound baths, workshops + more), Goddess Retreats (local + international) and most recently through the House Of Divinity Podcast. 

In this episode, Amber wraps up this series by discussing the final two lines of this cognitive behavior framework. She discusses common mistakes she sees how to avoid them and actually use this tool to understand yourself better. Amber also takes some time to discuss how she has seen this tool used by coaches and clients in abusive ways to the client, how you can avoid that, and what you can do instead.

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In this episode, Amber dives into part 3 of this series and arguably the most impactful part of this tool. She explains what it means to neutralize your experiences and the authority, freedom, and power it provides.

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In this episode, Amber dives into part 2 of this series about the most impactful mindset tool she has come across this far. This week she talks about where feelings fit into the model and how to use the model to change your experience with and relationship to your emotions.

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In this episode, Amber kicks of a new series diving into some of the main tools and frameworks she uses in her coaching practice. In part 1 of this series, she explains some of the wonders of the human brain and how it works and how you can use the model to learn and understand more about yourself and the results you've been able to create in your life thus far and how you can actively use the model to create the results you want.

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In this week's episode, Amber hosts the amazing Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons in a conversation about how her strengths, interests, and obstacles led her down the path to purposeful pleasure. This conversation spans the gamut from sex, healing, racial trauma, the importance of slowing down, the difference between pleasure and numbing, solo sexuality, current research topics, and so much more. Join us as we kiki and drop gems.

Make sure you follow her and check out her upcoming book!

CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST, DR. CANDICE NICOLE HARGONS - ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR & DIRECTOR Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons is an award-winning associate professor of counseling psychology at the University of Kentucky, where she studies sexual wellness and liberation. She is the host of F*ck the System: A Sexual Liberation Podcast and How to Love a Human, a liberation podcast that asks people with multiple marginalized identities what the world would be like if it loved them. She has published over 50 research articles and has been featured in the Huffington Post, the APA Monitor, Good Housekeeping, Women's Health, Blavity, Cosmopolitan, and the New York Times. Her debut book, Good Sex, will be published by Row House Publishing in February 2025.

This week Amber discusses the idea of the missing piece and how we have this idea that if this "one thing" would work out or be fixed then everything else will magically fall into place and we'd be happy. However, there is no quick fix to life. Even if that one thing is fixed, there will always be another because that's just how humans work. In this episode, Amber discusses what we must stop doing and start doing to get off the hamster wheel of the missing piece and get back to seeing ourselves as inherently whole and complete beings.

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This week, Amber discusses the difference between intuition and ego, why both are necessary, and how you can discern between the two. She discusses why it can be so hard to just listen to that inner voice or even be able to hear it, how ego is initially beneficial to our well being and personality but how it can become conflated by different environmental factors, and how you can use pleasure to deepen your intuition and restructure your ego. Listen in to learn how to discern between your intuition and your ego.

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This week, the conversation is all about trust. Amber dives into how trust is initially formed in our first year of life and how our relationship to that initial cycle is how we form trust and attachment even today. She explains what the cycle is, how it works, why it's intended to work that way, and the patterns your current behavior could stem from. Listen to understand your relationship to how you form and maintain trust and how you can edit that relationship to be more conducive to your current needs.

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It's story time! In this week's episode, Amber is sharing a story time about a situation where she was supposed to be celebrated and was instead undermined and disrespected, and explains how she was able to actively recover from the situation in real time. She explains how this work has taught her to partner with her nervous system and use it for her own desires instead of being at the whims of it. Even though the situation wasn't that pleasant, she was prepared, present, and had the capacity and audacity to approach it in the ways she wanted. Listen as she shares the game changers that made this possible.

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This week Amber discusses the topic of closure and how we create it for ourselves. We don't need anyone to do or say anything for our closure, we hold the power to our own resolution. Amber explains what closure is, why we think we need to go outside ourselves to get it, and the four steps to creating your own closure in any circumstance.

RESOURCES MENTIONED 

Don't Cry for Me by Daniel Black

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In this weeks episode, Amber speaks with Saisha Lacon of Thick Thigh Yoga about transitioning to joy. Saisha describes her journey of leaving her teaching career of almost a decade to embrace her passions in places curated around the appreciation of her value. We discuss expanding into your dreams, breaking down to rebuild, self care, self devotion, listening to our body's wisdom and so much more. Listen to how her deepening her own self confidence facilitated her transition to joy

CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST, SAISHA LACON - YOGA INSTRUCTOR & CONFIDENCE COACH Saisha, a.k.a. @ThickThighYoga is a 200 Hr Vinyasa Certified yoga teacher, Body Positivity advocate, Wellness Coach and Public Speaker. Known for her playful and accessible teaching style, Saisha primarily teaches vinyasa style classes, and has experience in teaching chair and beginner yoga. Saisha specializes in yoga for larger bodies because while preparing for her own yoga teacher training, she recognized the lack of examples of yogis that look like her. Yogis of all shades, shapes, sizes and levels of experience are welcome in her classes.

In this special 420 episode, Amber is sparking up and speaking her mind.

Serendipitous as it may be, this 420 marks a solar eclipse and the beginning of Taurus season, the pleasure sign! Tune in as Amber rants on why pleasure has been deemed dangerous and why people are so resistant and disconnected from it today. Spoiler alert, denying pleasure is a form of oppression! Listen and learn how your pleasure is your power.

THE PLEASURE PRIORITY TOOLKIT

In this week's episode, Amber discusses the importance of knowing what you want and what you don't want, your f*ck no's and f*ck yeses. It can be easier to know what you don't want than what you do because in so many situations it feels safer to abstain than to partake. Amber talks about why that is and how we can create safety for ourselves so we have the confidence and the capacity to pursue what we really want, our f*ck yeses. She explains how to tap into and use your body's internal wisdom to stay in alignment with what's right for you. This process creates clarity so you can go from feeling like you're walking around aimlessly to feeling intentional and purposeful in whatever path you choose.

THE PLEASURE PRIORITY TOOLKIT

In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain and discussing what happened behind the scenes of an event I held. Spoiler alert, people were disappointed! This week I'm walking through what happened and the steps I took to try to remediate and conclude the situation. I'm talking boundaries and how I broke my own multiple times, nervous system activation, how I dealt with feeling like shit about the whole thing, and where my growth was.

In reality, we are all going to encounter situations where we disappoint others without even intending to, charge it to the game of life. However, when those times come, we don't have to feel bad about feeling bad or even give into because of how bad we feel.

At the same time, life is 50/50 and there's still always something to glean from these situations. This episode gives you the awareness of how to see that and the courage to be able to seek it.

THE PLEASURE PRIORITY TOOLKIT

This episode is inspired by some common tropes I've seen come up during the spring time and one of my favorite affirmation songs by Toni Jones, Worth Ethic. It can be so easy to fall into the trap of hard work is rewarded while idleness is sinful, so we spend our time on the work that makes us money instead of the work that we're assigned simply for existing and the work that makes our heart happy. It's a double down on pain and sacrifice while ignoring creativity and joy. When this balance is off, we disconnect from our bodies and our prone to things like burnout and frequent, drastic bouts of anxiety, overwhelm, and even depression. That's where Worth Ethic comes in.

Worth Ethic is valuing yourself simply because you exist and knowing you don't have to earn your worthiness through what you do. This knowledge allows you to take care of yourself differently, listen to your body, create helpful systems and measures for your success, create, flow, enjoy, and just BE. It's not abandoning the actions you take and the work you put in, but the acknowledgement that there is more to the equation and more to you than just your output.

THE PLEASURE PRIORITY TOOLKIT

In this episode, Amber dives into some common questions from her viral Instagram reel. The reel was a reenactment of an audio about being the friend that's there fore everyone else but won't let anyone be there for them because they think they are a burden. And if you're a fan of this podcast, you either know that person, or have been that person at some point in your life.

Amber explains how to drop the mask and become a person willing to receive support and demonstrate that vulnerability, love, and care are a two way street. Listen as she answers your questions on the podcast.

THE PLEASURE PRIORITY TOOLKIT

We have all heard of trauma healing and nervous system healing and how important it is, but what does it actually do? How does this healing affect your life? In this episode, Amber talks through the experience of living in a regulated nervous system and the noticeable differences from operating in a dysregulated system. She juxtaposes the differences in herself, those around her, and her clients. Amber breaks down how she regulates for herself and her clients, the opportunities that regulation provides, and the connection she feels to herself and those around her by prioritizing this conscious communication with the body. Listen as she shares what it's like to live into the results of a regulated system with examples encompassing, work, love, and play.

THE PLEASURE PRIORITY TOOLKIT