The Pun Jab

At 129, it's high time for the Pun Jab to call it a day - at least for now! So here are a final 6 puns, gags and jokes - followed by a short message from me at the end). Have a great New Year and see you all in 2021!

Dads, drugs and autobiographies are the big take from the Pun Jab number 128!

PJ hits 127 with puns, gags and jokes on telekinesis, facelifts, crosswords and more!

The Pun Jab reaches 126 with puns, gags and jokes on ties, nuisance callers, crosswords and more!

Yes, it's 125-up for The Pun Jab with puns, gags and jokes on adultery, porno, Paris and more!

The Pun Jab reaches #124 with jokes, puns and gags on autocorrect, limbo, war crimes and more!

PJ #123 wraps up another week with puns, gags and jokes on pirates, darts and eternal life!

A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3 in the Bahamas. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

What did the Police officer say to his belly button? You're under a vest.

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with being a news anchor. But more on this after the break...

Nearest to the bull starts the game. He said "baa". I said "moo". I started.

I asked a wise man what was the secret to eternal life. He said, "don't die".

This next song is all about subtraction. Take it away, boys!

It's midweek mirth with PJ #122! This time we have puns, gags and jokes on levitation, ghost trains, strippers and more! 

The first day of my levitation course was great. I went straight to the top of the class.

I hear that the Ghost Train workers are on strike again. It's operating on a skeleton staff,

I went for a lap dance was great recently and the girl was amazing. I gave her five stars on Strip Advisor

So I quit my job at the helium gas factory - I refused to be spoken to in that tone.

I released my own fragrance today. Not sure the others in the lift appreciated it, though.

Want to hear a roof joke? The first one's on the house.

It's a brand new week and PJ #121 kicks it off with puns, gags and jokes on lipstick, keyboards and girlfriends.

I'm not condescending - I'm just thinking about important things that you wouldn't understand.

I heard about a victim getting encased in cement the other day. Fortunately, there was enough concrete evidence to charge the suspect.

And they say that sarcasm is the lowest form of humour. Yeah, sure it is!

What did the duck say when he bought some lipstick? Put it on my bill.

There are perks to working in a keyboard factory - extra shifts, I love the control it gives, and also I can escape at any time.

My girl says she loves it when I blow air on her when she's hot. But honestly, I'm not a fan.

The Pun Jab #120 rounds off the week with gags, puns and jokes on snow, chloroform, Alexander the Great and more! 

I've just sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I hope she gets my drift.

People learn from history, which is why you should always delete it!

I'm putting a new hem on my trousers - or sew its seams.

I got a new job last week as the top dog at Old McDonald's farm. I'm the new C.I.E.I.O.

I asked my friend if I could borrow his can of chloroform. He said, "knock yourself out".

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? The same middle name.

As PJ reaches 119, it's midweek madness with jokes, puns and gags on workaholics, sugar, fonts and more!

I used to tell people that I was a workaholic, until I realised that it didn't mean "guy who gets shit-faced at the office".

I started my new job as a tailor last week. It was sew-sew.

Jokes about white sugar are rare, but jokes about brown sugar? Demerara.

Times New Roman and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi! We don't want your type in here!"

What do you call a man with a car on his head? An ambulance - he's got a car on his head!

My wife says we need more garden furniture. I'm sitting on the fence.

The Pun Jab starts the week with puns, gags and jokes on Yamaha, Lego, scarecrows and more!

What do you call a laughing motorbike? A Yamahahaha!

I have a twin brother with a lisp. He's my spitting image.

The Lego store has finally reopened. People are lining up for blocks.

Sometimes I tuck my knees under my chest and lean forward. It's just how I roll.

As a scarecrow, people say I'm outstanding in my field. But hay, it's in my jeans.

I entered ten puns in a content to see which would win. No pun in ten did.

The Pun Jab #117 rounds up the week puns, gags and jokes on sex, street fighting, Yamaha and more!

My wife likes to talk during sex. Last night she called me from the hotel!

Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon? It had great food, but no atmosphere.

My career as a street fighter didn't last long. I broke my hand punching the curb.

I just interviewed a guy who used to work at Chernobyl. He came with a glowing reference.

The pharmacist said that he only had the generic version of my regular laxative medicine. I guess that I'll have to make doo-doo with that.

What do you call a laughing motorbike? A Yamamahahaha.

In the Pun Jab #116, it's midweek mirth with jokes on bakeries, Paris, hacking and more!

The Pun Jab #116:

Those who rob banks are bad people, but it's those who rob bakeries who really take the cake.

I just saw a documentary on how ships are held together. Riveting!

My email password has been hacked again - that's the third time I've had to rename the cat.

I decided to go to Paris on a whim. Turned out that I couldn't, so I caught a train.

People tell me I'm condescending. That means that I talk down to people.

I tell you what catches my eye - short people with umbrellas.

The Pun Jab number 115 gets the week underway with some puns, gags and jokes on duvets, dwarves and cliffhangers...

When I die, I'd like the word "humble" to be carved on my mausoleum.

My wife just said that quilts are better than duvets. I told her that she should be careful making blanket statements like that.

Yesterday I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall. I thought it a little con descending. 

A man went to hospital after swallowing three horses. His condition is stable.

I'm terrified of elevators. I'm taking steps to avoid them.

You know what they say about cliffhangers...

PJ 114 rounds off the week with gags, puns and jokes on Ikea, Eskimos, Scrabble and more!

The Pun Jab episode 114:

I got thousands of letters delivered to my house today. That's the last time I buy a dictionary from Ikea!

Two Eskimos in a kayak are getting chilly, so they light a fire - but the boat sinks, proving once and for all: you can't have your kayak and heat it. 

I saw a guy drop a box of Scrabble on the road - so, I sidled up beside him and asked: "what's the word on the street?"

I met my wife at the zoo. There she was, in her uniform - and straight away I knew she was a keeper.

I wanted to steal some leftovers from the party - but my plans were foiled.

People have been laughing behind my back at my decision to wear mittens instead of gloves. But I don't like to point fingers.

It's Midweek mirth as the PJ hits 113 with jokes, puns and gags on Taiwan, Armageddon, the Seven Dwarves and more! 

The Pun Jab episode 113:

I heard that people from Taiwan are impatient and aggressive - because they have a Taipai personality.

I used to be in a band called The Hinges. We once supported The Doors.

So what if I don't know what Armageddon means? It's not the end of the world!

The seven dwarves have been told they can now meet in a group of 6. One of them isn't Happy.

I've hired a new maid. I'm anticipating some sweeping changes.

My girlfriend called me a stalker. Okay, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

Yes, The Pun Jab #112 kicks off the week with jokes, puns and gags on Flamingos, sore eyes, children and more!

The Pun Jab #112

I went to a karaoke bar last night that only played seventies music. At first, I was afraid.

Women would claim that childbirth is the most painful experience of their lives - until 3 years later, they step on a Lego brick.

My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.

It only takes me 10 minutes to walk to the pub, but 15 minutes to walk back. The difference is staggering.

My wife and I have decided that we don't want children. If anyone out there does, we can drop them off tomorrow morning.

Conjunctivitis.com - now that's a site for sore eyes.

The PJ looks forward to the weekend with puns, gags and jokes on hypochondria, sex tapes, menstruation and more!

It's another midweek funny-fest as PJ hits 110 with puns, gags and jokes on boredom, shelves, bouncers and more! 

The Pun Jab reaches 109 with another "6 of the Best" puns, gags and jokes on kleptomania, hunchbacks, belts and more!

1: Last night I saw a poor old lady falls down a flight of stairs. At least, I assume she was poor – she only had three pounds in her purse.

2: I suffer from kleptomania. When it gets really bad, I take something for it.

3: I was going to make myself a belt out of watches, but would be a waist of time.

4: I always wanted to be a Gregorian Monk, but I never got the chants.

5: I got my wife an artificial leg for Christmas. It was the perfect stocking filler.

6: My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.

The Pun Jab 6otB rounds off the week with puns, gags and jokes on chauffeurs, toast, water mattresses and more! 

It's midweek mirth with another six corking puns, gags and jokes - this time on my mum, zoos and the Antiques' Road Show.

PJ "6 of the Best" kicks off its new thrice-weekly (Monday, Wednesday, Friday) schedule with some cracking puns, gags and jokes on insomnia, social distancing, colour blindness and more!

The Pun Jab 6otB smashes into the midweek with gags, jokes and puns on road workers, dating, mid-air sleeping and more!

In PJ episode 104, it's another 6 of the best - this time featuring mayonnaise, violins, spiders and more!

The Pun Jab's "6 of the Best" presents puns, gags and jokes on dubious hobbies, face masks and grass. Yes... grass.

"PJ: 6 of the Best" starts your week with puns, gags and jokes on piranhas, Dicks, Chinese soup and more!

It's great to be back! Yes, the Pun Jab returns twice-weekly (Mondays and Thursdays) with "6 of the Best!" - an attempt to distil some of the better zingers into the usual one-minute bite-cast. In the first SOTB, there are puns, gags and jokes on treadmills, pets, voodoo and more!

The fat lady is clearing her throat! At 100, the Pun Jab dons the cloth cap and slippers, lights a cigarette and retires disgracefully to the country. There's a short farewell from me at the end, but before then we have puns, gags and jokes on film editing, James Bond and dog poo. Of course...

At 99, it's the penultimate Pun Jab, yet it's still packed with puns, gags and jokes on wells, Heathrow Airport and sound technicians! 

At 98, the Pun Jab nears the end with puns, gags and jokes about children, beer bellies, holiday sex and more!

The Pun Jab hits 97 with gags, puns and jokes on cowboys, encyclopedias, maths and more.

PJ is on oxygen at 96, but still has a few more puns, gags and jokes on childhood obesity, exorcism and graffiti!

At 95, the end lurks menacingly, but the PJ still has a few more puns, gags and jokes on autocorrect, sailboats and people-pleasing!

At 94, the end for PJ is in sight, but not before more jokes, puns and gags on mules, boxing, grammar and more!

So the Pun Jab is wheeled into the room at 93, with more puns, jokes and gags on the Praying Mantis, hats and autobiographies.

92 down and the Pun Jab has more puns, gags and jokes on first aid, Mount Rushmore and capital punishment!

Still fit and fighting at 91 with more PJ jokes, puns and gags on politicians, steak, fishing and more!

The Pun Jab hits 90 with jokes, puns and gags on open-mindedness, singles and crosswords.

89-up and PJ potters towards oblivion with jokes, puns and gags on telekinesis, egg-timers, hats and more! 

Exercise, selfies, nostalgia and more in the 88th edition of the Pun Jab. Almost there...

Number 87 and the Pun Jab totters towards oblivion with jokes, puns and gags on Thai food, alcohol and war crimes!

PJ totters towards 86 with jokes, puns and gags on limbo, kleptomania and GPS - all in one minute!

The Pun Jab is getting on a bit but doesn't give a stuff - yes, more puns, gags and jokes on facelifts, smoking and lost luggage!

It's 84-up for the Pun Jab with more puns and gags on baked potatoes, bullets and snow!

Yes, it's the Pun Jab at 83 with jokes, puns and gags on apathy, parallel lines, marriage and turtles!

The Pun Jab gets petty at 82, with puns, gags and jokes on crowbars, neutrinos and assassins!

PJ hits 81 with puns, gags and jokes on autocorrect, chemistry and locksmiths! 

The Pun Jab matures at 80 with jokes, puns and gags on porn, fitness, flat-Earthers and more!