The Resilience Key: Channel Your Grit Into Growth

Does love last forever, and is it enough to help you stick it out long term? Be it in a relationship, a career, or any goal - what's even more important than just "being in love?"

In this episode, we'll explore the strategy of reframing simple "love" in a new context, one with purpose, that will help us stay on track...and in love.

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Work harder and all your efforts will pay off...right? It's all about the hustle, right?

Hmmm. Is it? If our hard work isn't paying off, and we're looking for a different result, should we keep toiling on and on in the same way?

In this episode, we'll discuss "hustle culture" in the context of my own work environment (tattooing), and look at some strategies we can use to work smarter, not harder. After all, there are only 24 hours in the day.

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In this season, I'm exploring lessons I've learned from my full time work as a tattooist for the past 16 years. One great metaphor from tattooing? There are no shortcuts or walkarounds.

Big tattoos - like sleeves and backpieces - take time and commitment. Getting a tattoo? Even with numbing cream, it hurts. No way around it.

Life is like this as well. Anything worth doing takes time, effort, commitment, patience...and sometimes financial commitment. We work so hard to avoid having to strive toward anything, looking for a magic pill to make it easy. But does that really exist? All of this - and more - in this episode.

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Age is so relative. If you're 20, the thought of 40 seems old. And if you're 40, maybe you don't feel old.

Or maybe you do. Maybe you've fallen into the trap of thinking that just because someone else you knew went "downhill" at a certain age it will happen to you as well.

In this episode, we look at some ways to reverse this kind of mindset. Sure, we all age. But we choose to be "old." Stop using aging as an excuse.

Connect with me!

It's so easy to look at someone else that we perceive as having it all together and think...I could never do that. We get down on ourselves. We perceive that maybe we have even failed if we don't achieve what others have - on the surface.

But is that really the truth?

Of course not. If there's one thing I've learned in the past 16 years as a tattoo artist (and now a tattoo studio owner) is that some folks can really put on a good show. They might seem like they've got it all, but behind the scenes? They're a mess.

You can't tell what someone is really like by looking at them, or just focusing on their material possessions or accomplishments. So stop comparing yourself, and focus on your own individual journey.

We explore these ideas and MORE in this episode.

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What happens when we go through something difficult and traumatic? Can we just leave it behind and simply move on, like nothing happened.

Of course not, we all need a chance to process the event - and then let our feelings OUT rather than letting those feelings fester inside.

In this episode, we'll explore more stories from my tattoo chair about this topic, and look at ways we can avoid common issues like "trauma dumping."

Connect with me if you found this episode helpful!

In a world where we measure ourselves by metrics and feel like we "know" folks we follow online, it's becoming rarer and rarer to step outside our collective comfort zones and connect with others in person. While I don't believe in throwing out the proverbial baby with the bathwater, and I personally benefit from the use of social media in business, when it comes to really pursuing goals and making big changes in our lives (at ANY age), in person connection is where it's at. It's your biggest asset.

We'll explore some real life stories to illustrate this point from my decade and half PLUS career as a tattoo artist. Hope you enjoy; connect with me at the links below!

Welcome back to The Resilience Key Podcast after a hiatus for season TWO! I'm excited to be back with you all. This season of 10 new episodes has an interesting and unique theme. If you've listened to the previous episodes of the podcast, you'll know that my full time job is as a tattoo artist and tattoo studio owner. While you may think my job is all about art, it's really more about listening to my clients...and I truly learn so many life lessons from the clients I interact with on a daily basis. In this season, we'll hear some compelling stories and lessons in resilience from my years as a tattooer.

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Hi all - you may have noticed the past weeks we have been absent. The Resilience Key is on a short hiatus, and we'll be back with Season 2 soon! Listen for details.

What's the one thing you likely take with you everywhere?

Think about it.  It's likely your phone.

While it's great to be hyper-connected with our loved ones, this hyper-connectivity is a double-edged sword.  It's become a reflex - for many of us - to unconsciously grab that phone and start scrolling any time we have a free second.  Is this a good thing?  This is the phenomenon we'll be exploring in this episode, and this week, I'll challenge you to be more conscious of your phone habits so that you can become more present in the moment in front of you, right NOW.

I realized this week - after nearly two years of consistent weekly podcasting - that I've never actually directly tackled the subject of grief.  So here we are...

Grief is a universal emotion.  Live long enough, and you're going to experience a loss.  Why don't we talk about it more?

In this episode, we talk about: What's the grieving process like? What's the "right way" to grieve?  How do we support others in a grieving process?

One thing my husband has always said - the true definition of adulthood is learning how to enjoy yourself between moment of endlessly solving problems.

It's so easy to get lost in problems.  In pushing for more.  In struggling...daily.  And we forget the entire point of our travails - it's to enjoy the present moment.

If you're feeling stuck, like you've lost your ability to find joy or enjoy yourself, this episode is for you.

Today's episode is a highly personal one - and this is the first episode I've ever done completely unscripted.  Let's get real and raw today! We'll be looking at the idea of "red flags" and how - as humans - we tend to ignore them. Then what happens? 

Often, those red flags will add up over time, forcing us to either make a huge change in our lives, or to remain stuck. So what do we do when everything falls apart, because we've ignored those red flags for so long?  

When we're going through a life challenge, it's easy to think we're all alone in our struggle.

But here's the thing - anything we've gone through is likely something that someone else has experienced at some point (and maybe even overcome).  We're human.  And part of being human is experiencing those challenges and those struggles - it's normal!  No one is so special that "they're the only one."

We are never alone.

Have you ever wanted to make a big shift in your life, but when you think about moving forward, all you can remember is advice or conventional wisdom telling you that it's not a good idea?

So many big changes only happen if we're willing to ditch the illusion of safety and start thinking outside of the box.

In this episode, we'll look at the trap of leaning into conventional wisdom, looking at some real life examples, and examine some strategies for getting unstuck.

Do you constantly feel like - whenever you're making headway in some personal or professional goal, that something ALWAYS seems to get in the way?

Yes, me too.

Rather than personalizing this, thinking that "the universe is out to get me," I think it's better to frame this as simply a byproduct of life itself.  In this episode, we look at how we have the tendencies to look at things as grand signs that we can't, when in reality, we need to give ourselves grace to realize that setbacks happen to us all. And that's perfectly NORMAL.

Like this episode? Connect with me!

Why are we all so obsessed with the cult of youth if aging (and eventually dying) is the one inevitable thing in life?

In this episode - and I promise, it's not grim! - we explore this topic.  We look at ways to detach from the idea of what we should look like according to societal standards, and ways in which to look more toward our inner strength to define ourselves as we age.

I'm sure you've heard the saying "hard work always pays off."

Nope, I'm sorry.  It doesn't.  Not always.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you feel like you're toiling away, never reaching your goal?  You just can't...get there.  And then you simply chalk it up to the "universe must be against me."

Nope.  That's not it either.

The issue is we have to direct our hard work in the right way.  And if we want things to change, we have to first change ourselves.

We explore this topic in this episode, using a real life example of a big time FAIL from my previous career as a musician/composer.

No one can possibly be happy, or optimistic, or fulfilled, or grateful, or passionate about like one hundred percent of the time.

A great fallacy that is sold to us from the personal growth industry is that we can "manifest" our best lives by thinking the right way all of the time, and that something might be wrong with us - that we need to GROW more - if we aren't happy all the time.

Guess what.  It's normal for happy, successful, fulfilled people to feel like poo every so often.  That's called being human.

In this episode, we look at better ways to frame our current state, to weigh the good with the bad, and to be grateful for what simply is.

It's the new year (happy 2023!), and undoubtedly a bunch of us out there have made some resolutions, which is a good thing!  It's always great to pursue new goals or want to make a change in your life.

However, a lot of us misplace our energy.  We look for the path of least resistance.  We look to someone to give us advice, tell us what to do, and the quickest way to get there.  Online gurus are likely the most common culprits of this type of information, and make a lot of incredible promises that if you just "follow their easy steps" you'll get to where you want to be.

FALSE.

In this episode, we'll look at the difference between a guru and an expert, why we need experts, and how to find them.  Stop wasting your time following gurus that promise things that sound to good to be true - they ARE.

This is a special short holiday episode of The Resilience Key!  Like it or not, we can't get away from the idea of Christmas, whether or not we participate.  And part of the cultural phenomenon of this holiday is gift giving.  In this episode, I'm going to ask you a question - what's the most important gift you can give? The answer may surprise you.

How often have you said - at this time of year - "oh, I'll start X Y or Z as soon as the holidays are over"?

You're not alone.

Why do we put off making changes that are good for us until times that we perceive as "less busy?"  Is that really a good idea?  In this episode, we'll look at the green light phenomenon - the idea that we need permission or approval or the "right time" to start taking care of ourselves.  What can we do instead?  Take action...NOW.  Stop waiting for permission to enjoy your life!

It's the holiday season, and it's also the time of year where many of us tend to get overextended.  Parties, gatherings, buying gifts, baking...we feel like there are a TON of things we HAVE to do out of a sense of obligation. And while prioritizing family and friends in a caring way is a good thing, if we do this to the exclusion of taking care of ourselves...well, we're bound to crash.  We get burned out.  We succumb to exhaustion.  And many of us get sick.

Let's normalize taking breaks when needed.  After all, if we don't take a break, our body is going to take one for us.  (Speaking from experience!) In this episode, we'll explore some strategies for learning how to listen to our bodies and intervene before we hit the point of a crash.

The end of the year is upon us, and I always hear a lot of folks talk about "getting through the holidays" followed by "making a new start" on January 1.  This is all good, but...

When it comes to a fresh start - when it comes to leveling up in life - there's a danger when looking for help.  It's super easy to fall into the trap of magical thinking, quick fixes, and shortcuts peddled by online influencers and gurus of various ilks.

A secret?  There is no such thing as a shortcut.

Ouch.  But, in this podcast, I'm dedicated to REAL talk that will be helpful and sustainable in the long term. How can we make progress? Check out this episode for some REAL practical strategies that work.

If you're someone who wishes things were different for you on the holidays, you're not alone.  A secret? EVERYONE has issues with someone or something every year at the holidays.

However, if you spend your time focusing on how you wish things were different, you're missing out on great potential - you're missing out on seeing some amazing things right in front of you.  Right now.

This is a special short episode designed to get you ready for the upcoming holiday season and to provide some good - and direct - perspective!

How we spend our time reflects how we feel about ourselves.

Boom - truth bomb!

Our actions often can betray ourselves, meaning self-sabotaging actions can really get in our way.  How do we do this?  In all kinds of manners - through not starting and general avoidance to making ourselves so busy we can't even seem to prioritize what's really important.

In this episode, the third of three on self-sabotage, we look at some techniques we can use to better take control of our actions.

Today's episode is a SPECIAL episode I felt especially inspired to share with you - I'll be back next week with the third installment in my series on self-sabotage.

I just finished up a major life goal yesterday, and that's what compelled me to do this episode instead. Have you ever had a goal in mind - be it relationship, financial or career - and then when you didn't meet it by a certain date, you threw it out the window or got down on yourself?

A secret - you can't force things.  And when it comes to goals, some things simply have to occur...in their own time.  In this episode, we'll look at three things we need to wrap our heads around and accept when it comes to the pursuit of goals or making big life changes.

In the last episode, we looked at how our internal thoughts can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors.  In this week's episode, we turn to our outer world, and specifically, to the WORDS we use to describe ourselves.  How do our words specifically lead to self-sabotage?  We'll examine three common ways we tend to subtly and subconsciously put ourselves down or judge ourselves.  We ALL have the tendency to do this to one degree or another - this episode is all about developing awareness of our speech patterns so that we don't manifest those words into a negative reality.

In the very FIRST episode of this podcast, well over a year and a half ago, I discussed the subtle art of self-sabotage, meaning the tiny little ways we "get in our own way."  And almost all of us do this from time to time - it's simply human nature.

I decided to revisit that episode, and go into more depth!  In this three episode series, I tackle the different ways we sabotage ourselves - in our thoughts, our words, and our actions.  This is part 1 of 3, focusing on that inner thought landscape.  Stay tuned for parts 2 and 3!

"The source of all suffering is desire."

True - I agree with this, but only when desire is misplaced on something that frankly isn't possible.  

Yes, I know this is a self-help podcast, but let's be honest - sometimes no matter how hard you try, how much you attempt to prove yourself or to do "all the things", some things simply aren't possibilities.  And those things typically involve one of two things - being obsessed with something that happened in the past that you wish you could change, or trying to get someone else to change their opinion of you or actions toward you.  These desires can never be fulfilled, as we can only affect change in ourselves, in the present moment.

In this episode, we explore this idea, as well as some strategies to help us let go of what can never be.

Life is a one-way street.  There's one way in - birth - and one way out - death.

So why do we spend valuable minutes on things that really don't matter, given that our time here is finite?

Fear is one explanation.  Breaking taboos or societal expectations is another.

This episode is your wake up to stop wasting your time on things that don't ultimately matter, and will (hopefully) help you figure out what matters most to you!

A truth:

Perfectionism isn't really about being perfect.

If it's not, then what is it?

Perfectionism is an excuse.  It's a cover for feeling grossly insecure, or being worried what other people may think of you.  It's a security blanket.  It's a trauma response.  It's a way we "wait for the right moment" instead of using our most valuable resource - TIME - to live our lives.

If you're feeling trapped or stuck by perceiving that you need to be "perfect" in order to perceive a goal, get love, or simply exist, this episode is for you!  And believe me, as a recovering perfectionist, I get it.

Why do we spend so much of our limited, valuable time focused on how other people are acting and what other people are doing...and judging them for it?

It's so easy to get consumed by being judgmental in daily life.  Yet, this action really doesn't serve us.

If we are truly secure in ourselves, and focused on our own growth journeys, then why does it matter what other people do around us?  If we have a tendency to be overly judgmental of our peers, that reflects more on our own insecurities and fears than it does on the actions of others.

In this episode, we look explore the (very human) tendency to get "judgey," as well as ways to overcome this habit.

Living in a state of uncertainty can truly be uncomfortable for most of us.  It's a human thing to want reassurance - to know that we're going to be OK, that a prospect will succeed, or that we won't end up alone.  Often, we simply want someone to say: you'll be fine.

Here's the thing, though - no one can promise you that everything WILL be OK.  

It's an uncomfortable truth in life that there are zero guarantees.  The sooner we can make friends with this fact, the sooner we can let go and stop future tripping.  The sooner we can stop micromanaging our environment.  The sooner we can stop existing in a state of stress over potential "what ifs."

In this episode, we explore several different strategies to learn how to make friends with uncertainty and to use it to our benefit.

What do you do when the unexpected happens?  Do you jump right into action?  Do you run away?  Or do you simply freeze?

All of these reactions are perfectly normal - and human.

Here's the thing - while we feel like we can PLAN for anything, that's simply an illusion of control.  In general, no matter how much we plan, there will always be things that happen to us that can feel like unexpected emergencies.  And that throws us off.  Again, this is a perfectly normal and human experience, and it's part of simply being alive.

In this episode, we look at how we react in the face of the unexpected and how we can not only manage these situations, but thrive and grow after.

One thing traveling for a month or more at a time, using a single backpack for all of my necessary items, is that we don't really need all that much.  It's so easy in our day to day environments - at home, at work, with friends - to think that we NEED certain items in our lives.  We see other people's consumption, and feel like we NEED to keep up.

But there's a difference between needing...and wanting.

I'm not a minimalist by any stretch of the imagination.  However, it's important in life to distill things down to what truly is necessary, instead of what is superfluous.  What is important versus extraneous.  In this episode, we look at the question of "what do you really need?" and explore some strategies to get down to the essence of what's truly necessary physically and psychologically.

How often are you truly silent?

Are you someone who constantly fills up idle time with mindless scrolling on your phone?  Do you always have the TV - or music - on in the background when you're at home?

Are you someone who interjects your opinion - unsolicited - in conversations with your loved ones because "you care" and "they need your advice?"

Here's a key to personal growth.  Learning to truly listen is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and to others.  Learning to hold space helps us to notice things we've never seen before, to be fully present in the moment, and to learn from our environment.  In this episode, we explore some strategies to help us develop our listening skills, and to make friends with truly being quiet.

To all of my regular listeners - this one is a "very special episode!"  And if you're tuning in for the first time, this one's heavy...

Today, "trauma" is a real buzzword in the self help community online.  In this episode, I address what it means to have a trauma response to new situations.  Often, when we've experienced trauma, we get stuck - stuck in our past, stuck in a fight or flight response, stuck in that trauma.  

Before you say, oh, I'm not a trauma survivor...everyone has experienced trauma to some degree or another.  It's all relative.  Now, what might seem traumatic to you might not seem the same way to a friend, but again, this is all based on what you've experienced throughout your life.  What's traumatic to one person might not be to another, but we shouldn't let that force us to downplay what's happened in our own lives.

We'll explore how to overcome our common trauma responses in this episode, in order to get out of being stuck in the past, or stuck in a trauma response loop.

No fluff in this episode - just real world practical advice!

Disclaimer - I am in no way, shape or form a therapist.  If you feel like you may have PTSD, please seek professional help!

One of the great fallacies of the mainstream self-help industry is that it places us at the center of our own individual universes.  While I firmly believe we should have faith in ourselves to overcome obstacles and meet challenges, sometimes things...well, just don't work out.

Is that our fault?

Not always.  Sometimes we're just in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Sometimes the conditions weren't right for us.  And it has nothing to do with what WE may have done, how we may have prepared, or what we "perceive" that we deserve.

The tough truth to swallow: it's not all about you.

In this episode, learn how this truth can actually be liberating - and empowering.  We can learn to let go and focus our energy on what we can control, rather than spin our wheels about what we can't.

Is there a goal or achievement that's always seemed to elude you?  Do you feel like you've tried and tried, but never been able to quite *get there*?

If so, you're not alone.

It's a common belief that if we just work harder and do more, we'll achieve more.  But that's not necessarily true.  As one of my first mentors told me, it's not practice that makes perfect, it's perfect practice that makes perfect.  We can't keep on doing the same ineffective things over and over again, expecting a different result.

In this episode, we'll explore the definition of "perfect practice" along with some exercise to help you make needed changes to your routine to shake things up.

Do you know someone like this?

Someone who proudly proclaims "I don't care what anyone thinks!"

Do you wish you could be a little bit more like that?

Here's a secret - unless you're a narcissist or a sociopath, you're ALWAYS going to have some worry about what other people think of you, or how other people perceive you.  That's simply a natural human tendency, and you should never try to rid yourself of it.  What's important, though, is to not let yourself become consumed by that worry.

In this episode, we look at the idea of "I don't care what anyone thinks" - we'll explore some ways we can still care, but not let the fear control us.

So much about personal development revolves around talk of the "self."  Self help, self esteem, self love, self development...you get it!

I don't dispute that we all need to focus on ourselves. 

However, one thing that tends to get overlooked in working on the "self" is simple self-awareness.  Getting out of our heads, seeing how we interact with others, being conscious of our thought patterns, understanding how our pasts govern our present actions - that is all self-awareness.  And without that, focusing on our "selfs" tends to lead us down a path toward becoming more self-centered, not enlightened.

In this episode, we explore the idea of self-awareness, along with several methods for developing our sense of it.

As a tattoo artist, I see and hear...a LOT.

I love my clients and value their trust in me.  I hold their confidence close to my heart.  

This past week, I've heard a lot of anger.  A lot of rage.  Frustration.  Fear.

Look, I get it.  We all need to get our feelings out in the open - it's never good to keep strong emotions bottled up.  But is it a good idea to vent our rage to anyone who will listen?  Or, to someone who hasn't consented to listen?  How productive of an action is this?

In this episode, I look at more constructive strategies to deal with our frustrations and anger, rather than letting ourselves be controlled by hysteria, which is never good.  If we truly want to change the state of the world, we need to come from a mentally healthy place ourselves.

When someone asks your opinion on what to want to do, where you want to go out to eat, or what you want to watch, are you the person who says "whatever you want?"  Are you the type to "go with the flow," rather than face any sort of confrontation or disagreement?

If so, you're not alone.

In my 15+ year career as a tattoo artist, I see this all the time with clients when I ask for their opinion on a tattoo I might be designing for them.  "Oh, whatever you want, you're the artist."

No, no, no.

Saying this phrase is powerful, as are all of our words!  "Whatever you want" implies that what YOU really want doesn't matter.  That your opinions aren't important.  In this episode, we explore this relatively innocuous phrase and look at how it impacts the larger decisions in our lives.  Don't be that person who never expresses your own wants or needs or desires!

As humans, why is it that we often make things harder on ourselves than we need to?

Maybe it's an evolutionary characteristic - this phenomenon humans have to focus on things that are awful or negative or terrible or tragic to the exclusion of GOOD things happening around us.  We keep an eye out for the bad things possibly so that we can avoid them, fair!  But, we also get caught up.  We talk about these things to anyone who will listen.  And frequently, we complain.

A lot.

In this episode, I'll challenge you to stop making yourself miserable by complaining about things that you have ZERO power over.  And I'll also give you some strategies for learning to change the things you CAN.

Are you someone who constantly worries about something bad lurking around the corner?  Even if things in your life are going well, do you anticipate a bad thing happening soon to throw you off course?

If so, you're not alone.  It's a common human tendency to anticipate the negative, for sure!

In this episode, we explore this tendency.  We'll look at the reasons WHY we do this, and ways in which we can avoid getting stuck in a bad case of the "what ifs."  Constantly looking out for the worst case scenario causes us to miss out on what is right in front of us - this present moment.  And given that our most precious resource is our TIME, why would we waste that on something that may not ever happen?

One of the great wonders of the human spirit is our adaptability in order to survive.  Humans can literally get used to anything - both good and bad.  Familiarity simply becomes our normal, and it can be difficult to visualize what life could be like in another context.

In this episode, we explore the idea of "life inertia."  We'll take a look at HOW we get used to sub-optimal physical, emotional, and psychological environments, and ways in which we can shake things up for change.  I truly believe that one day we can all look back and question: how did I ever live like that?

There is one thing in life we can't get more of, we can't change, we can't speed up, and we can't slow down.  It is the one FINITE resource in this world, and for that reason, it really is the most valuable resource we do have.  That resource is TIME.

In this episode, we explore the concept of time as well as the idea of how we spend our time reflects our inner mindset.  We'll go into some methods for self-assessing how we illustrate our priorities through time spent, as well as ways to learn how to be more in the moment.  Because - after all - this present moment is the ONE THING truly in our grasp.

So much of many personal growth podcasts - including this one - involves advice on how to do MORE.  On how to achieve MORE.  On how to set MORE goals and move toward them.

If you were looking for that in THIS episode, think again.

It's a truth we have to accept - no one can do it all.  You're human.  There are a finite number of hours in the day.

In this episode, we look at this hard reality, not in a "doom and gloom" way, but in a liberating way!  We'll explore some strategies to avoid burnout and to learn how to prioritize what WE need for self care.  Want permission to give yourself some space?  Here you go!

Hi everyone! Thanks for checking out The Resilience Key podcast!  Listen here to this trailer to get a description of how this podcast is different from your typical self-help podcast.  In short, it's all about channeling your inner grit into personal growth, and in every episode we explore sets of PRACTICAL real-world strategies to help us toward this goal.  New episodes come out every Friday morning; hit that subscribe button so you don't miss out!  I'm committed to showing you that you're more resilient than you realize and you're stronger than you know.