Getting Through This with Tom and Scott

Tom goes back to 1887, without our soon to be completed Time Machine, to West Orange, New Jersey, where the future was invented almost 150 years. Yes, the Edison campus is preserved just as it was when the Wizard of West Orange created his wondrous inventions for all the world to see!

As Co-Mayor of Irving Place with Tommy, Scott proclaims the State of our Street to be strong. And Tom encourages Scott to pursue his non legal career as a lawyer without a law degree who nonetheless defends both of them from those who seek to take their self appointed, unelected roles away.

If anyone who is jealous of the 143 times we deserved a Nobel Prize with this podcast, and decides to file articles of impeachment against us in our roles as self appointed, unelected Co-Mayors of Irving Place, we have a simple legal strategy that you don’t even have to be a Yale lawyer to use. Although you can wear a Yale sweatshirt to court anyway.

Scott is complimented on his outerwear by two different employees at Trader Joe’s, a place that should be the role model for the world. Tom thinks that supermarket self checkout machines should talk to you and engage in casual banter.

We don’t just talk about how time seems to be flying by, we try to do something about it. And we don’t do it on the shoulders of those dreamers who came before us. But a cheerleader definitely should be able to say that she won an award on the shoulders of Greg.

In a shocking admission, Tom reveals that he routinely ignores requests to update apps online. Scott, on the other hand, earnestly clicks the Update box immediately, so he doesn’t miss out on anything. Can he influence Tom and other folks who choose not to update? No such updates required to listen to this episode.

When Scott proposes an idea to make the temperature in NYC always range from 60 to 90 degrees, Tom suggests that Scott introduce the idea at Davos. But he cautions that the rapturous ovation Scott will ultimately receive will be preceded by an uncomfortable hour punctuated by one slow clap every few minutes.

Tom drives back in time when he visits the grand old architecture of Richmond and Charleston. Then he’s back to the present when he stays at a DC hotel called the Sslamander. Scott’s intrepid research reveals that most salamanders look like a cross between a lizard and a frog. Which explains why a hotel would want to be named after them.

Tom worries that he will be chastised for “double bucket listing”, but Scott assures him, in his role as a “podcast only” lawyer, that since bucket law is nonexistent, there are no grounds for him to suffer any consequences for his bucket list wish of traveling from chilly temperatures to a balmy climate in Charleston, after already doing so in Savannah.

Now that Scott is going to bed and waking up early, does that make him 50 percent qualified to be a farmer? Tom is also an early riser these days but fears he won’t be effective feeding slop to the pigs.

Tom takes Scott and Ginger to dinner at the famed steakhouse Peter Luger, and it’s a dream come true for a kid from Brooklyn who had never before eaten there. Even the space age technology of the “doggie bag” was impressive, especially since Tom and Scott didn’t get into a tugging match that spilled over into the entire restaurant, with the patrons on their hands and knees vying for the precious scraps of steak that fell out of the bag during their tussle, which thankfully did not happen.

Thanks to a crumbling retaining wall at Tom’s house, Scott learns the difference between cement and concrete, and vows to share his newfound knowledge with the free world.

A trip to Kaaterskill Falls in the Catskills used to require traveling by a horse drawn carriage offering a bumpy, unpleasant ride. Now Tom zips up the Palisades Parkway in padded luxury in just 2.5 hours. Why isn’t this travel breakthrough on the front pages of every major metropolitan newspaper?

Our kind of town Chicago is, as Scott sings its praises from his visit earlier this week. Our theme is once again “time”, as Scott devises a plan to not lose an hour sleep when we set the clocks ahead. Tom tells the story of his first elevator ride ever, at Marshall Field, which we hope to rescue from the clutches of Macy’s and return to the city and its people. For that, we would happily accept two keys to the city, but in key card format or on the phone app.

Why do pundits refer to what a President says in the State of the Union speech as a “laundry list”, which is something that doesn’t exist. Plus, we would like to see a State of the Union where a couple addresses Congress about the state of their relationship, a different kind of Union, with a rebuttal after the speech by the other partner. And Scott would love to be the opening act for the speech, which he imagines would elicit hearty laughter and back slaps from both sides of the aisle.

We won’t ask you to answer a brief survey after you listen to this episode. We imagine a dystopian future where the typical survey for your Amtrak ride forces you to compose a 5,000 word answer that details your every thought as you stare out the window from Penn Station to 30th Street Station in Philadelphia.

This leap year’s February 29 didn’t make the front page headlines, but we’re thankful for the bonus extra day, which gave us the gift of time. We propose, in addition to our previous call for an eight day week, to put February 29 on your wall calendar every year. Why? It’s about time.

We slide into the baseball jersey and pants controversy, as Scott is a uniform “expert” going back more than 30 years. Will players someday ask to be traded to a team with colors they like? If the authentic jersey is so thin, will the replica jersey be made of tissue paper? Plus, how to deal with agents who go to a coffee shop after playing basketball, wearing long, baggy shorts that look like dresses?

We’re the first to propose that our nation’s Poet Laureate be elected by the voters of the US. This will necessitate a campaign with candidates reading their poetry at diners and rallies across the country, complete with negative ads.

Tom’s breaking news makes us throw out our planned scripted opening, and do an entirely improvised episode. Our second attempt to have a dinner party with Sandy and Ginger is postponed when Tom takes a nasty fall at a coffee shop. He’s happily on the mend, but the question remains. When will the dinner party actually happen?

After describing his glorious Valentine’s Day dinner with Ginger, Scott is encouraged by Tom to pitch his story to Hallmark, and ask for more money than anyone has before. And if they balk at that price, then quickly accept even less than their original offer. Plus, we reintroduce our idea that most films should be 15 minutes with only happy moments, and no conflict or drama. It’s the gift of time.

The Super Bowl gives us some ideas for NFL reform. Instead of just penalties for excessive celebration after a touchdown, let’s give bonus years for a well executed end zone dance routine. Plus, let’s have a fan do color commentary since we come up with what the highly paid analysts say seconds before they do.

Scott celebrates Tom’s birthday 23 days late, but that’s how we procrastinators roll. But a fine lunch was had by all, punctuated by the lively art of conversation. One thing remote workers miss are those office birthday parties that provide copious amounts of cake on a regular basis. What if someone delivered that piece of cake to a remote worker’s apartment and what would ensue?

Tom becomes the “Einstein of Modern Dentistry” by applying his high stepping walking technique to avert trips and falls, to protecting teeth from being broken. His rubber sidewalk proposal is endorsed by The Great Pedestrian Scott, who will lend his support through full page ads in defunct magazines Life, Look and Saturday Evening Post, which we will bring back with a full staff for one issue only just to run the ad.

Instead of the predictably harried and put upon sitcom husband who hates shopping, Tom and Scott love perusing the aisles of Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods, especially with their girlfriends. If Trader Joe’s ran our government, it would run incredibly efficiently, and our leaders would wear Hawaiian shirts and be super friendly and helpful.

What does a “One Sport” like Tom do at the end of his beloved football season? Spoiler Alert: He’s not going to curl up in a fetal position. And Scott angles for a sideline reporter job talking only about uniforms.

As a 20 year old student, Scott once roamed the aisles of a supermarket nervously wondering what he could make for the first dinner he had to cook for his roommates. This week, Scott made a culinary breakthrough when, thanks to Ginger’s training, he cooked a salmon dinner. Food for thought and laughter.

Once again we announce an exciting new trend. The cozy movement. Yes, cozy and comfortable are the new words to live by, especially during these cold winter months. And since cozy actually sounds like what it means, it’s easy and fun to get cozy any time of the day.

The big news in DC isn’t the deal to avert a government shutdown, but Scott’s chance encounter there with Senator Joe Manchin. But the even bigger story might be that Scott wore earmuffs for the very first time shortly before he saw the Senator and his entourage at an iconic DC hotel. There are a million more questions than answers in this exclusive, not ripped from the headlines story.

Helpful tips on what to do and what not to say, if your guests don’t recognize your Pulitzer Prize at your apartment. Plus, we propose a bold new way to hedge your bets in the unlikely event the elevator is out in your building, when you’re expecting guests for dinner. Serve a small alternative dinner party in a corner of the lobby.

Scott scoops the Times again by revealing the new acronym TGIT. Thank God it’s Thursday, which is the new weekend. And Tom gets another scoop from his fiancée about workers returning to the office. You can wait a month to read it in the Times or hear it all right now on this episode.

Tom escapes a Bonfire of the Vanities-ish detour in the Bronx, which leads us to a joyous jaunt on our soon to be completed Time Traveler machine. Yes, we’re settled into a plush circular booth at Ciro’s circa 1950’s, telling the likes of Bogart, Lombard and other stars about the future. They laugh at first, but eventually we gain their trust, and their friendship.

Does Tom’s sea cure and Scott’s Gourmet Get Well diet make them candidates to be President at Penn or Harvard? Plus, Scott has an added edge at Penn since he already owns Penn sweatshirts and T-shirts. And Tom would be the first person in his family ever to President of Harvard.

On the second day of 2024, Tom introduces a look back at the first one, which is a lot easier than going through a whole year. Scott shakes up the nutrition and health industry by rolling out his Gourmet Get Well Diet, which features fresh food and fine cuts of meat and fish, that bring you back to good health.

Scott reveals for the first time that the first time he ate Chicago’s iconic Marshall Field created Frango Mints was just last Saturday at their Christmas Eve dinner that didn’t happen because of the elevator outage. And it was well worth the wait! It’s a Chicago centric end of year episode that you should listen to an hour earlier than you usually do.

We present a very different kind of Hallmark holiday movie called The Elevator Pitch. A planned Christmas Eve dinner with Tom, Sandy, Scott and Ginger is derailed by an elevator outage in Scott and Ginger’s building. But what happens next is stuff you can make up, but no one would believe you if you did.

Tom discovers magical, space age shirts that don’t need to be ironed and even washed! But amidst that joy, Scott reveals the awkward coming of age story of the workshirt he bought in high school that turned out to be an uncool permanent press shirt.

Scott sings the praises of his new neighborhood Murray Hill, and its famed Park Avenue, and all he needs now is George Peppard’s narrow lapeled 1960’s navy suit from Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Plus, our continuing Adventures in Obscurity, where we reference William Windom’s short lived “My World and Welcome To It”.

Tom’s “sea cure” miraculously returns him to good health after a 24 hour malady. But an anxious and arduous flight connection in Frankfurt threatens to undo his health and sanity.

In the first known podcast transmission from a cruise ship in the Mediterranean Sea, Tom tells tales of his adventures on the high seas, including visits to Sicily, Genoa, Malta and Marseille, and how he lost his jacket and pants along the way.

In an historic throwback “two topics” episode, Scott chronicles his moving journey to a new apartment, and grapples with whether he should refer to himself as Mr. Park Avenue. Tom and Sandy prepare to take to the high seas for the second time in a month, and wonder whether the same people from the first cruise will join them on this one.

Tom’s dishwasher installation doesn’t go off without a hitch, but thanks to Tom, it’s not the end of the world! And the world owes Tom a debt of gratitude, that he will forgive.

In the process of moving, Scott discovers artifacts of procrastination, like the Johnny Carson book that he has been on page 60 for seven years, and The Power Broker where he is on page 180 out of 1147 pages. Will his new apartment inspire him to someday finish those books?

In a landmark departure from his previous belief that compelling travel stories should have elements of disaster, Tom goes from a reluctant cruise participant to a cruse aficionado and booster. And his riveting tale of his 8 day cruise to the Bahamas is a rave review.

Scott puts aside his longtime fear of being egged on Halloween, and takes an evening walk amongst crowds of costumed trick or treaters and their parents. Does that make him a trick or treater too, even though he never asked for candy from a doorman?

Will Tom’s love of last minute cleaning, and Scott’s view of laundry as a means of obtaining a new wardrobe without buying anything, earn them the coveted Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval? And does it have a flat base so they can put it on their mantels?

Scott walks the SAG AFTRA picket line in New York, and he and Tom wonder if his 45 minute stint will bring an end to the strike. Or will the network CEO’s invite him up to the negotiations thinking he’s an easy mark, because he only softly murmured the “Hey Hey Ho Ho” chant. In our movie version of that meeting. Scott turns down offers of a series and says he’s standing with his union, and asks them what they stand for. The stunned CEO’s then quickly fold and the strike is settled.

Rescheduling should never be taken for granted, because it gives us the power to put off doing something until we’re “good and ready”. And we hope that those countries that have draconian rules about rescheduling delivery dates and appointments, give that power back to the people. Since there is a word “draconian”, we propose a blockbuster film “Welcome to Draconia”, where a newcomer helps the citizens rise up against the draconian rules they are forced to live by.