Twilight Phase
By Twilight Phase Podcast
Join us as we reread, relive, overanalyze, roast and defend, and try to figure out what made Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga so powerful that we're still talking about it. We're publishing insiders who want to give you the behind the scenes scoop. Don’t let us go into this forest alone.
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Twilight PhaseJan 13, 2024
Ep. 146: Is It Ha Ha Ha or He He He?
We're back again, fam! And this week we're discussing Chapter 16: Carlisle—inarguably the most boring chapter of the whole book. But by golly if we don't do our darndest to make it positively pleasant!
Hold on tight, spider monkeys—we're one chapter away from PLOT.
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Ep. 145: "Dad, This Is My Lover"
Hello listeners!! DISCLAIMER: Melissa's audio was ~*~phucked~*~ this entire ep but that's okay because in this ep we dive deep into the omegaverse (google with caution), Edward and Bella's soulmate-level relationship, and the Brady Bunch, OF COURSE.
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Ep. 144: BANG BANG
Hello, nerds! You guessed it—we're back to talk about Twilight. MORE SPECIFICALLY, Chapter 14.
Here's just a ~~smattering of what we discuss in this episode:
- lasagna and milk (pros/cons of)
- Edward as an unrepentant stalker (which makes it so chill)
- lots of touching (BANG BANG!)
- having a boy in your room (when you're both aware and NOT aware)
- general canoodling (as it differs from touching)
- Edward's sexuality (BANG BANG?)
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Ep. 143: Say It With Us: This Is the Skin of a Killer, Bella
ALERT ALERT ALERT it's the meadow, folks!!!! Strap in.
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Ep 142: Dying Isn't the Only Option
You know it, we know it, Edward knows it--in this chapter, Bella suffers from some MAJOR black and white thinking! We also discuss the importance of allowing your characters to have agency--and even better, FOXES.
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The Best Episode We Didn't Record
Well, y'all...this week we showed up, made (two-thirds of) an episode...and never hit the little red button. A first! So instead, here is 8 minutes of us apologizing, laughing slightly maniacally, and explaining that we'll be back in mid-February with the episode we tried to make this week. Love ya!
In the meantime, write to us at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com.
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Ep. 141: That Good, Good Yearning
GUYS EDWARD SAYS THE TITLE. TWILIGHT. THE SAFEST TIME OF DAY FOR US. (Plus he like asks a zillion questions or whatever.)
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We love youuuuuuu.
Ep. 140: The Crush Olympics
Welcome to chapter 10 of Twilight: INTERROGATIONS. And there's a LOT that we interrogate in this chapter--we continue our deep dive on Bella's deficiencies as a friend, discuss B + E's agreement to SAY that they're secretly dating, and go back and forth on who likes who more. (When obviously, WE love YOU most.)
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Ep. 139: Say It, Out Loud
What's up listeners!! Happy New Year!! In this episode, we revisit a TRULY ICONIC chapter. Get ready to be transported with us as we discuss that good good 2000s teen media, the transcendent high of riding in your crush's car, and THREE THINGS ABOUT WHICH BELLA IS ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE.
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Ep. 138: Scamboozled
It's Port Angeles!!! Is it the best chapter ever put to paper?? We're dazzled, y'all.
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Ep. 137: Pee Dreams
Come for Bella DECIDING, NO MATTER WHAT (*judgmental side-eye*) that she's in TOO DEEP (somehow, already). Stay for our impromptu birthday roast of Melissa (luv youuuuu).
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Ep. 136: Romantically Devoured
Pigeon > Turkey
Gray eyes = love interest
Jacob + Bella + 5 minutes = broken treaty
Gossip = friendship
And that's that on that.
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Ep. 135: Ur My Blood Type
It's time for BLOOD TYPING IN BIOLOGY which is probs the best chapter in this book (until we get to the next chapter and that other one, but then there's also Port Angeles...). Did you ever notice how hilariously bad Edward is at keeping this secret??
We're having a great time and you should def come along with us.
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Ep. 134: He Looks Up Grinning Like a Devil
Bella and Edward have electrifying, mysterious, buck wild chemistry as they talk about nothing. Incredible. Amazing. All the boys are obsessed with Bella...but we're obsessed with this book.
Have questions about the publishing industry? We'll be answering some on a Patreon bonus episode, so head on over to subscribe and ask your questions. You can always write in at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com.
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Ep. 133: Activate Eyeball Handsomeness
Bella almost gets hit by van, and life is beautiful. Remember the mystery and majesty and adrenaline rush of having a CRUSH?
Two questions: Have we identified Stephenie’s greatest skill? And if you had a near-death experience in high school, would you have been a Bella or a Melissa?
WRITE to us at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com to let us know!
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Ep. 132: The Dazzling Begins (Twilight Chapter 2)
Hello listeners! In this episode we reread chapter two of Twilight! Bella, Edward, and Charlie both exhibit red flags, we ask ourselves hard questions (are we annoying?), and THE LOVE STORY BEGINS! Don’t look now listeners, Edward Cullen is staring at you… Join the coven! Bonus eps and stickers over at Patreon.com/TwilightPhasePodcast @Twilight_Phase on Twitter and Instagram, Twilightphasepodcast.tumblr.com
Ep. 131: It's Twilight Season Babyyyy
Ep. 130: Mail Time!!
We're kicking back with YOUR listener emails and wrapping up season five (!!!)
Why aren't the Cullens tryna lick dandelions? Whatever happened with Maya's game of Survivor? What're our fave YA love triangles? What music are the Cullens listening to? Plus some book recs and theories from your fellow listeners!
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Subscribe and follow us to hear when we're back with TWILIGHT this fall
Ep. 129: The Sun Sets on Breaking Dawn: THE FINAL BREAKING DAWN EPISODE
Ep. 128: We’ve Got Alice!
This is the climax of the book (the series??), if you can believe it (we can't). Bella's shield works perfectly therefore nothing happens, and Alice arrives triumphantly with a plot point whose monologue will solve the entire conflict. Yay!
Somehow there’s only one chapter left in Breaking Dawn—come with us as we finish out this ~~~~~saga ~~~~~~~~together 🥲
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Ep. 127: Stephenie’s Proof of Romantic Intent
A lot doesn’t happen in this chapter of Breaking Dawn (this book is almost over??) but we do get the worst sentence in the whole series, probably. Tune in to hear what made us collectively gag!
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Ep. 126: Angry Woman Power
Welcome back listeners!! It's time to talk about how Aro is highkey a great villain, the vibes of the chapter are immaculate, and also how somehow SMeyer pulled off six and a half pages of walking. Now that's art!!
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Ep. 125: Call of the Void
Hey listeners!! In this episode we discuss Bella's flammability, her sexiness despite another head to toe khaki look, and the mysterious disappearance of Jacob. Do we...miss him? Nah!!
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Ep. 124: Christmas, Apparently
A small child receives a PROMISE RING (!!!) and Alistair's departure stirs up DRAMA. Meanwhile Bella decides having a mom doesn't sound that important anyway.
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Ep. 123: Noir!Twilight
Suddenly, a noir interlude. Enter, Bella the femme fatale. Like the memory of a fever dream, we’re transported across Seattle as Bella uses her newly acquired, dastardly charms to solve the mysterious mystery of the elusive J Jenks. Get your passports ready!!
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Ep 122: Twenty-Eight is a Crowd
Remember those million other vampires from all over who show up in Breaking Dawn? Us neither, but we get to meet alllllll of them this week!! There's so many of them there's an index, and we're mad about it!!!!
Write in to tell us which racism in this chapter makes YOU the angriest at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com.
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Ep. 121: Vampire Talent Show
Get ready for a thorough and convenient description of various Volturi talents. Also, Melissa is thriving on a trip to Colorado and I know you wanna know about that too.
What would Survivor: Twilight Edition look like?? Write in to tell us at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com.
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Ep. 120: The Problem with Glossaries
Listeners, you keep us young. We love you so much. In this episode, we ask ourselves the important questions: how do you pronounce Eleazar? Is this the most dramatic Edward has ever been? (no.) And most importantly, how do you tell your family friends that you have a half vampire baby waiting to meet them???
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Ep. 119: Go Get the Globe
Hey listeners, quick question: if you received bad news, would your response be to stare, unblinking, into the eyes of your beloved? For about nine hours straight? JUST WONDERINGGGGG. The Cullens minus Alice and Jasper go for a light jog followed by a devastating revelation . . . and then they break out . . . THE GLOBE.
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Ep. 118: Emmett's Bright Idea
Hey, fam! On this week's episode, we continue to marvel at how the plot is finally coming together, with only 30% of the book left.
Quick head's up-- Bella still isn't psychic, Alice's visions still don't make any sense, the Volturi are back like they never left, and we are still bamboozled by all of this. So it's ALMOST like the first 70% of Breaking Dawn didn't even happen.
Almost.
(also lol we are probs not gonna be back until ~4/8 'cause we got other places to be, kinda like Alice at the end of this chapter. SEE YA)
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Ep. 117: WereSwans
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Ep. 116: Too Far Into Babydom
Listeners! Tell us, how many houses have YOU demolished through seggs? Is it more or less than the number of 23 year old grandpas you know? What about the number of arm wrestling competitions you could win against Emmett? This chapter is a weird, fun hodgepodge and we're grateful to have you here with us!
(Btw Maya is actively gallivanting around Europe so we'll be back in two weeks!)
EDIT 2/26: reuploaded to fix some audio issues at ~1 hour. Thanks, fam!!
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Ep. 115: Lick Rocks
Jacob continues to Jacob by making momentous decisions without consulting anyone else, obvs, and to our frustration it just keeps working out for him!!!! Bella almost jumps Edward's bones right there in front of god and everybody.
(Maya is on her way to gallivant about Europe so we plan to be back in two weeks!!)
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Ep 114: Eggplant Emoji, Eggplant Emoji, Eggplant Emoji
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Ep. 113: It’s All Tidbits
Y’all, is there even a PLOT to this book currently?? Why are we still HERE. This chapter is just a smorgasbord of minute information that takes us nowhere. We’ll let you know when the conflict enters the room (it hasn’t yet).
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Ep. 112: Everything You Need to Know About Lizard Teeth
Happy new year, listeners! In this episode we delve into some deep questions. Such as Jacob claims he needs to be with Renesmee. . . why doesn’t Jacob neeeeeed to be with Edward? Also why is Renesmee so creepy? Why didn't the movie just cast a baby? And most importantly, WHY HAS THE LIZARD THEORY NOT BEEN LOOKED INTO BEFORE THIS?
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Ep. 111: My Loving Edward Superpower
WE'RE BAAAACK! And we come bearing glad tidings: our girl Bella is perfectly perfect at being a vampire. Her first hunt is like Vampire Finals and she's ruining the curve. Also she thinks her vampire power is just loving Edward sooooooo much which is embarrassing but okay girl do you. We missed you guys! Thanks for going into the forest with us.
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Ep. 110: Vampire Jam
Bella can literally see everything, including how excited we are to finally be done with Jacob's chapters. Our girl's a vampire now!!!
Write in and let us know: What do you want to see with your vampire eyes? And what is the weirdest thing you think Emmett did as a newborn?
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Ep. 109: My Heart Will Not Go On
Bella describes her pain for approximately twenty pages and it's STILL better than all of Jacob's chapters!! Our beloved heroine is back and she's about to be reborn, baby! *cue that dramatic shot from the movies where Bella's eyes pop open and they're blood red*
You can still go to our Patreon (even if you're not a patron!) to submit your best RenesName!
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Ep. 108: From the Ramparts We Watched
THIS IS IT. THE BIRTH.
. . . . .
Go to our Patreon (even if you're not a patron!) to submit your best RenesName!
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Ep. 107: #MyLifeIsTwilight
Hello listeners!!! All you need to know about this episode is that Melissa makes MULTIPLE CAN'T-MISS SHOCKING REVELATIONS and then a lot of stuff that doesn't really make sense happens.
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Ep. 106: Baby Talk
Here it is...the moment you've all been waiting for...the birth of...the name Ruh-nez-may!! (That spelling is canon, look it up.) Plus Leah ALMOST becomes a complex character, and there's a genuinely touching moment involving Ramparts, can you believe?
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Ep. 105: The Lizard Theory
RENESMEE EXPOSED: SHE'S A LIZARD!!!
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Ep. 104: On the Fritz
Get in, losers, we’re going shopping at the Forks Goodwill. Jacob is weirded out by generosity, hospitality, and anyone being remotely nice to him but WE KNOW HOW TO ACCEPT WHAT WE DESERVE. Check out Melissa’s favorite affirmations here.
And listen in for Alice finally getting screen time!!!
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Ep. 103: Breaking Blah
Hello! We are back with yet another wild chapter of Breaking Dawn, but also like nothing happens??
Bella drinks blood (which we really think should have been a much bigger deal than it was), and Jacob talks to Jared about some dumb pack stuff (like how everyone is acting like Jake‘s pack has run away to Antarctica and not a mile north) and that's literally alllll that happens.
But also it’s fine because we know The Most is going to happen soon.
Thanks for staying with us!!
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Ep. 102: Jacob Still Is Not Pleased
Hey Twilight Fam! Breaking Dawn continues to be the wildest ride that we only kinda signed up for, and we haven’t even gotten to the wildest part.
Leah joins the pack and Jacob isn't pleased. Bella is getting worse and Jacob isn't pleased. But also Jacob is the ONLY PERSON who thinks a vampire fetus may need vampire food, so I guess we’re glad he’s around. Even though homeboy just will not be pleased.
Things are about to get KOOKY!
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Ep. 101: This Sucks Rocks
Jacob throws off the shackles of the alpha to claim his birthright, or whatever, and a second pack is born. Speaking of births, we are all dreading the childbirth chapter, but don't worry, this isn't it. We do learn a little too much about clinical death and plasma though UGH. Come for the literary analysis, stay for the mediocre science.
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Edit: re-uploaded 9/5 to fix some audio issues, sorry, fam!
THE ONE HUNDREDTH EPISODE
IT'S OUR ONE HUNDREDTH EPISODE!!! We bet you never thought we'd make it this far. Well, we didn't either! In this episode we debate the important questions...would Bella lay Rumpelstiltskin like an egg?
Please write in and tell us how you think SMeyer could have gotten Carlisle SO wrong at twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com.
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Ep. 99: Kristen Stewart's Pointy Cheek Face
Y'all, this chapter is absolutely WILD, please join us. Is this a fanfic introducing a storyline where Edward, Bella, and Jacob become a throuple? NO? Are you sure??
Jacob lies eyes upon emaciated pregnant Bella, and does not imprint on Resurrection. Please submit your 5,000 word essays on the literary, real-world, and biological implications of this fact to twilightphasepodcast@gmail.com.
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Ep. 98: 6'7 Giant Baby Jacob Black
Listeners, hold onto your butts and comfort blankets as we brave the first chapter for Jacob's POV. RIP!!!
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