Human Up

Human Up

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By Victor Ung
An emotionally-stunted dude's exploration of what it means to be emotionally intelligent. Raised between Asian and American culture, and in the tech world, where mental and emotional health was not prioritized enough, this nerd aims to demystify what it means to not only be a man, but a human. As society progresses faster than humans were meant to keep up with, how do we adapt to an ever-changing world while strengthening our brittle emotions for resiliency? Human Up plans to collect the tools, stories, and practical applications to help us navigate through the modern, technological age.
More places to listen

More places to listen

The Vulnerability Of Expression Through Fashion and Creativity (with Antonio Smith)
How do you present yourself through your behaviors, words, and even fashion? Have you held back what is true and feels good to you in any of those three areas? If you have, I completely understand, having been influenced by so many cultural norms and perceptions that put pressure on me to blend in, rather than express myself. Self-expression comes in many forms and in this episode we hit on what that means coming from the perspective of men in fashion and creativity. ------------------------------------- In this episode, we talk about: How Antonio started Seattle Gents Building community for Seattle men Identifying and sticking to why you're pursuing your creative projects rather than comparing yourself to others Everyone is creative, you just have to train it like a muscle Finding your own groove and style by unapologetically expressing your creativity ------------------------------------- Resources: Come out to Seattle Gent’s 3rd Anniversary Banquet celebration on November 14th: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/dining-style-a-3-year-anniversary-celebration-tickets-73988332093 Learn more about Seattle Gents: http://seattlegents.com Find Antonio on IG: https://www.instagram.com/antoniocdsmith ------------------------------------- Become a Patron to support this podcast: http://patreon.com/humanup. Send me a voice message with any thoughts, feedback, praise, takeaways, or stories you want to share with this podcast at http://victorung.com/podcast. Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Intelligence exercises and to get updates on this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Join the waitlist for the free group coaching program to learn how to better manage both our technology and our emotions: http://victorung.com/eqtechsurvey. If you’re a reader, clap for my writing on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
41:04
October 14, 2019
Why Connecting With Your Emotions Will Connect You With Others (with Steven Kitajima)
Coming from an Asian immigrant family, raised in America’s masculine culture, emotions and feelings are the last thing we would talk about. But in that suppression we also push away the people around us. It’s why we end up in either stagnant relationships, or feeling lonely that no one can relate to us because we’ve been used to dealing with it on our own. The first step to curbing this loneliness and connecting with others on a deeper level is to connect back to your own emotions. It’s to become aware of those sensations and situations that make us uncomfortable and to purposefully lean into it. When you can understand your own emotions better, what triggers them, and be confident enough to express them, it gives other people a better understanding of who you are and how to connect with you as well. ------------------------------------- In this episode, we talk about: Why men might struggle talking about emotions because of limited outside structures placed upon us Steven's journey in starting his podcast How it's easier to not connect with other humans because of the convenience of technology, and fear of taking emotional risks Not admitting to and talking about emotions makes it that much easier to become stagnant in your life How to create more connectedness by expressing your emotions ------------------------------------- Resources: Check out Steven’s podcast at https://www.bettermenpodcast.com or wherever you find your podcasts. ------------------------------------- Become a Patron to support this content: http://patreon.com/humanup. Send me a voice message with any thoughts, feedback, praise, takeaways, or stories you want to share with this podcast at http://victorung.com/podcast. Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Intelligence exercises and to get updates on this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Join the waitlist for the free group coaching program to learn how to better manage both our technology and our emotions: http://victorung.com/eqtechsurvey. If you’re a reader, clap for my writing on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
1:06:11
October 7, 2019
You Can Live More Than One Life
Subconsciously, we have been trained to stick to one thing and it’s hard to break out of that, or explore a completely new path. You might even be telling yourself things like, “I’ve invested so much time, money, and energy into this already,” “I don’t want to waste all that I’ve learned,” “It’s too late for me to do something completely new and unrelated,” “I’ve come so far, might as well stick it through,” “I’m not a quitter.” That is the sunk costs fallacy. We think that we only have one life. We think that once we’ve chosen that school, that major, that job, that career, that expertise that that’s what we have to stick with. It’s what we know, it’s what we’re good at. Let’s challenge that. What if we don’t only live once? What if we can live multiple lives? ------------------------------------- Check out the blog post for this episode here: https://medium.com/the-ascent/you-have-more-than-one-life-9b242c4b84c2?source=---------15------------------ ------------------------------------- Become a Patron to support this content: http://patreon.com/humanup. Send me a voice message with any thoughts, feedback, praise, takeaways, or stories you want to share with this podcast at http://victorung.com/podcast. Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Intelligence exercises and to get updates on this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. If you’re a reader, clap for my writing on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung. Schedule your Discovery Coaching Call with me to personally work on building your own emotional intelligence, resiliency, and clarity for your career, and relationships, as well as productivity with your technology-use: http://victorung.com.
14:20
September 30, 2019
Technology, We Need To Talk
I love you, Technology. I love the way you provide so much excitement in my life. I love how you do so many things for me, how you make my life so easy and convenient. But... I’m worried about who I’ve become with all this time with you. I know, it’s really self-centered for me to say this, but I’ve become too dependent on you. ------------------------------------- Check out the blog post for this episode here: https://psiloveyou.xyz/technology-its-not-you-it-s-me-6c88f4bf5373 Become a Patron to support this content: http://patreon.com/humanup. Send me a voice message with any thoughts, feedback, praise, takeaways, or stories you want to share with this podcast at http://victorung.com/podcast. Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Intelligence exercises and to get updates on this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. If you’re a reader, clap for my writing on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung. Schedule your Discovery Coaching Call with me to personally work on building your own emotional intelligence, resiliency, and clarity for your career, and relationships, as well as productivity with your technology-use: http://victorung.com.
17:26
September 23, 2019
Adulting Like a Revolutionary (with Rachel Alexandria)
“Adulting like a revolutionary is taking a self-loving, logical look at where you are fighting the battles that are unwinnable vs looking at where you might be ignoring the battles that you can win.” Serving eight years as a psychotherapist, who now calls herself a Soul Medic, Rachel Alexandria is helping people “adult like a revolutionary” by helping them explore the rituals that are missing from their transition into adulthood. ------------------------------------- Timestamps: [6:00] Rachel's background [7:54] Even adults need support in growth [15:37] What is "Adulting like a Revolutionary?" [22:49] The process in living with intentionality [28:55] The importance of rituals [32:44] How do you become an adult, separate from your family? [39:23] Living on purpose vs flowing through necessary phases [42:49] Learning about your own emotions makes you resilient to change [45:32] 5 Core Emotions ------------------------------------- Resources: Visit https://rachelalexandria.com to sign up for a free 10-day adulting sampler or text “adulting” to 314-665-1767 to get text messages straight to your phone. Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s 3 stages of Non-Violent Communication: http://www.acsyl.co.uk/article/217/an-introduction-to-nonviolent-communication.html ------------------------------------- Become a Patron to support this content: http://patreon.com/humanup. Send me a voice message with any thoughts, feedback, praise, takeaways, or stories you want to share with this podcast at http://victorung.com/podcast. Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Intelligence exercises and to get updates on this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Schedule your Discovery Coaching Call with me to personally work on building your own emotional intelligence, resiliency, and clarity for your career and relationships: http://victorung.com. If you’re a reader, clap for my writing on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
1:02:06
September 16, 2019
Solomon's Paradox: How to Apply Your Own Wisdom
Are you the type of person that gives so much love, compassion, and encouragement to others, but forget to give to yourself? I definitely do and it frustrates me. I sometimes feel like a hypocrite or an imposter who can’t take his own advice. Then I would doubt my ability to give and help people because I was not good enough, smart enough, or wise enough. Why is it so hard to love myself? Turns out I'm not the only one who has this problem, according to University of Waterloo psychologist, Igor Grossman, who coined this phenomenon as Solomon’s Paradox. Read the research paper here: https://uwaterloo.ca/wisdom-and-culture-lab/sites/ca.wisdom-and-culture-lab/files/uploads/files/grossmann_kross_-_exploring_solomons_paradox_-_article_proof.pdf ------------------------------------- Send me a voice message with anything thoughts, feedback, praise, takeaways, or stories you want to share with this podcast at http://victorung.com/podcast. Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Intelligence exercises and to get updates on this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Schedule your first FREE coaching call with me to personally work on building your own emotional intelligence and resiliency: http://victorung.com. Become a Patron to support this content: http://patreon.com/humanup. Clap for me on my blog on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
14:31
September 10, 2019
With Great Emotional Intelligence Comes Great Responsibility (with Matt Perelstein)
We can’t control our emotions, but we can control how we respond to them. That’s the power of emotional intelligence, to be able to better manage what we do with how we feel in the moment in order to be productive rather than destructive. The issue is that so many of us haven’t been provided the education or tools to deal with our own emotions or those of others, which creates a lot of tension in many social issues today. The process of becoming more emotionally intelligent is simple, but difficult to master: Awareness Acceptance Action (or not) It starts by slowing down so that you can become aware of your emotions and what it means for you. Then we can embrace how we’re feeling, to acknowledge its presence, so that we can start taking steps to do (or not to do) something with it. In this episode, my guest Matt Perelstein of EQ4Peace shares his passion for emotional intelligence education as we nerd out about how to use this as a tool to train our emotional muscles for both internal and external peace. ------------------------------------- Timestamps: [5:53] We were never taught how to train the right-side of our brains [11:25] The connection between the heart, mind, and body [13:21] Decisions should be based on both thoughts and feelings [14:57] How to develop the emotional muscle to better feel and communicate our emotions [27:09] Emotional education in schools [31:38] Example exercise to identify emotions [34:22] How to sustain emotional intelligence [42:58] We're getting closer to quantify EQ, but it still requires practice [46:55] 5 Core emotions ------------------------------------- Resources: http://mattperelstein.com/ http://eq4peace.org/ 4,000 feeling words to increase emotional vocabulary: http://eqi.org/fw.htm ------------------------------------- Send me a voice message with anything thoughts, feedback, praise, takeaways, or stories you want to share with this podcast at http://victorung.com/podcast. Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Intelligence exercises and to get updates on this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Schedule a Discovery coaching call with me to personally work on building your emotional resiliency: http://victorung.com. Become a Patron to support this content: http://patreon.com/humanup. Clap for me on my blog on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
1:01:51
September 2, 2019
What Emotional Intelligence Means for Men, Business, and Relationships (with Ryan Shirley)
Emotional intelligence doesn’t come natural for many people, no matter the circumstances, but it’s especially missing in a lot of men. I’ve noticed this especially true for myself, where I was unwilling to be uncomfortable feeling my emotions. It made me feel weak, or childish, or “feminine.” But why is something as natural as our emotions something we try to hide? I talk to a good friend, Ryan Shirley, co-founder of Pursuit and Tie, about how important of a role EQ plays in business/client service, marriage, and friendships, as well as what it means for men to manage our emotions. *Due to previous audio setup, there will be occasional background noise in the recording. ------------------------------------- Timestamps: [7:50] Does a person's value solely come from the ability to product outcomes? [9:49] Men don't prioritize emotional growth [12:38] Men's balance with power [13:43] Yes, you can have too much EQ [9:38] But lack of EQ creates stale relationships [17:05] What we practice grows stronger [19:04] Competition is great to push us forward, but hurts us when we compare self-worth [20:2] EQ is the muscle needed to work better with others [21:24] Ryan's advice on resume building [25:23] EQ is important to make relationships work [36:16] Men's struggle to swallow pride to fight for relationships [39:36] The Mt Rushmore of Emotionally Intelligent people ------------------------------------- Resources: Resume consulting: http://pursuitandtie.com. ------------------------------------- Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Resiliency exercises and to get updates on this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Schedule a free coaching call with me to work on your emotional intelligence: http://victorung.com. Become a Patron to support this content: http://patreon.com/humanup. Clap for me on my blog on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
43:55
August 26, 2019
Masculinity and the Fear of Emotional Risk ft. Christian Lopez
I've grown up being scared of my emotions. I was told they were weak, "girly," so I suppressed them, especially the more heartfelt ones. Anger was OK though, since it was more fierce and powerful, but also dangerous.  But as we know, all human beings are social, emotional beings at the core. We are meant to feel emotions, whether we like it or not, we'll feel things. And like anything, when you try to silence that voice, there are many consequences that result from that, i.e. shallow relationships, stagnant life, burnout in career, loss in integrity and direction, low self-confidence. Only when we identify what we're feeling specifically, get to the root cause of the issue, can we start developing the steps and strategies to know what to do with it. But if we leave our emotions clouded in vagueness, it will always feel overwhelming and difficult to deal with. This is why I love this conversation with former professional MLB player, fellow life coach, and motivational speaker, Christian Lopez about society's limited perspective on what it means to be a man. We talk about his story through manhood and how he's working on not only becoming the best man he could be, but human as well. ------------------------------------- Timestamps: [6:43] Christian's story [17:29] Get over fear by having bias towards action [26:59] How to manage emotions as men in judgmental environments [45:03] There are many definitions of a man [49:52] Everyone needs role models [57:00] How to take emotional risks without getting wounded [1:11:29] The 5 Core Emotions [1:21:46] What Christian's up to ------------------------------------- Resources: Christian's podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/behind-the-mask-ulinity/id1474423662. Join Christian's FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2523230051072858. Find a local Toastmasters group to improve your communication skills: https://www.toastmasters.org. ------------------------------------- Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Resiliency exercises and to get updates on this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Schedule a free coaching call with me to work on your emotional intelligence: http://victorung.com. Become a Patron to support this content: http://patreon.com/humanup. Clap for me on my blog on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung. 
1:26:05
August 19, 2019
Embrace Imperfections and Impermanence with Japanese Philosophy Wabi Sabi (with Kendra Lee)
I used to be proud of calling myself a ‘perfectionist.’ It was like one of those things I would say in job interviews when they ask, “What is your biggest weakness?” And I would spin it to say that I just have really high standards and love delivering high quality work. I didn’t realize what other effects perfectionism would have on my personal well-being. The fact that having impossible standards for myself added so much unnecessary weight and stress on me and my work. And how the self-criticism got worse the more I thought I had to be perfect. I’m excited to share this episode with another recovering perfectionist, Kendra Lee, a writer and self-love coach who embraced the Japanese philosophy of Wabi Sabi to help her find relief and love for herself. We talk about how it’s helped her in her life personally, while finding the intersection of those ideas with the ideas of emotional intelligence. ------------------------------------- Timestamps: [1:32] Ad [4:33] Kendra's recovery from perfectionism [9:04] The 3 Truths to Wabi Sabi [11:11] Showing up, with all of your cracks and imperfections, is good enough [16:29] Become deattached from other people's reactions [26:06] Blending Wabi Sabi with Emotional Intelligence [31:36] How to learn more about Wabi Sabi [37:36] Using Wabi Sabi to improve the relationship with ourselves [43:52] 5 Core Emotions [50:33] How to find Kendra ------------------------------------- Resources: Learn more about Kendra and Wabi Sabi: http://wabisabihappylife.com. ------------------------------------- Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Resiliency exercises and to get updates on this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Become a Patron to support this content: http://patreon.com/humanup. Clap for me on my blog on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
57:18
August 12, 2019
What Gets You Excited? (featuring guest stories)
Excitement is a complicated emotion. When asked this question, many of us don’t know how to answer. And some of us might even avoid answering or to feel it too much out of fear of setting ourselves up for disappointment. I was definitely a part of both of those groups. Growing up, anytime I did feel excitement towards something, it was usually met with something less than what I was expecting. So I trained myself to not get too excited anymore. But I’ve now realized, that is so limiting! It’s time to find that excitement, be excited, and stay excited! Do what you want to do! This episode, I asked people to send in audio recordings of what gets them excited, either personally, professionally, or within the world. Here are there stories. ------------------------------------- Timestamps: [4:51] Laura, excited about a new career path [8:31] Bob, Metal and Mortgages podcast, on exploring what excitement is [12:46] Carolina, career coach, how to get back into excitement [14:17] Christian, life coach and motivational speaker, growth is exciting [16:17] William, clarity coach, excitement is contagious [17:19] Steven, Better Men podcast, excited about growing positivity ------------------------------------- Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Resiliency exercises and to get updates on this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Become a Patron to support this content: http://patreon.com/humanup. Clap for me on my blog on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
22:08
August 5, 2019
Create Confidence Through Emotional Awareness with Seibo Shen
Being raised in two different cultures is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I am grateful for the cultural values and traditions that come from my Asian background and to be able to compare and contrast that against American ideals that helped broaden my perspectives. On the other hand, being pulled in two different directions left me confused and stuck in who I wanted to be, which didn’t leave much room to build confidence within me. Do I follow the Asian traditions that have been passed down for generations, like family and sacrifice? Or do I embrace the American culture as an individual being born-and-raised in America and seek out personal passions and self-care? The short answer is that I don’t have to pick one or other, instead, I acknowledge that it’s actually a privilege of mine to be able to balance these two worlds so I can use that to create my own culture, traditions, and values. I talk about all of this with Seibo Shen, one half of the duo from the Happy Asian Males podcast, where they talk about the traditionally taboo topics in Asian culture, like mental health, sex, drugs, gender roles and sexual identity and I was excited to jump on to do my part in breaking the social barriers we’ve put up that prevented us from having these difficult, but necessary conversations if we want to create a more cohesive society. ------------------------------------- Timestamps: [6:34] How Human Up met the Happy Asian Males [7:59] The balance between Asian and American identity [16:20] Self-actualization as an Asian male [26:34] The vulnerable process in understanding our own emotions [36:16] The beauty that comes from openly expressing ourselves [44:52] We need more safe spaces to learn how to broaden our perspectives [50:41] Perfection is a chase for external validation that you will never be able to internalize [55:28] Actionable step: identify your core values ------------------------------------- Resources: Happy Asian Males podcast: http://www.happyasianmales.com. Worksheet to understand your core values: https://www.cmu.edu/career/documents/my-career-path-activities/values-exercise.pdf. ------------------------------------- Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Resiliency exercises and to get updates on this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Become a Patron to support this content: http://patreon.com/humanup. Clap for me on my blog on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
1:05:58
July 29, 2019
Comfort as an Achievement is an Illusion
Paradoxically, chasing comfort in an effort to avoid the anxiety of discomfort might end up causing more anxiety. Comfort as an achievement is an illusion. We think we want it to become worry-free, but then we’re freer to worry when we finally have it. Rather than avoiding discomfort or numbing the suffering, accept that it is a necessary part of life, and in doing so, you'll find relief and peace. ------------------------------------- Link to this blog post: https://medium.com/the-ascent/comfort-is-why-youll-never-grow-983af6bdfc08 Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Resiliency exercises and to get updates on this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Become a Patron to support this content: http://patreon.com/humanup. Clap for me on my blog on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung. 
15:29
July 23, 2019
Focus on What You Do Best, Ask for Help With the Rest with Riah Gonzalez
Our minds have been protecting us humans since the beginning. We were one of the most advanced, conscientious, and intelligent species because of our ability to survive. But the problem is, we didn’t do it as individuals. We banded together. That’s how we’ve always done it. Why is it that so many of think we now have to do it alone? Why is it so hard for some of us to ask for help? To really lean into our strengths and allow others to use their strengths against our weaknesses? In this episode, I talk about that with my guest, Riah Gonzalez, CEO and Founder of Admin Prestige. We talk about her business that helps heart-centered businesses with the administrative work so that they can focus on what they do best by serving their customers. ------------------------------------- Timestamps: [4:51] Riah's background in insurance and healthcare  [9:47] We're the only ones holding ourselves back  [13:00] How to get over the Imposter Syndrome without needing external validation  [20:34] Confidence comes from being personable, a rare skill in the modern world  [32:32] Self-awareness accelerates growth by understanding how personal values and strengths play into what you do and how you do it  [35:46] Everyone struggles asking for help and letting go of control  [38:29] 5 Core emotions  [48:54] How to contact Riah ------------------------------------- Resources: Riah’s administrative business: https://adminprestige.com. LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adminprestige. 1MillionCups for early-stage entrepreneurs to get vulnerable: https://www.1millioncups.com. Mindset course: https://thepacificinstitute.com. Extended DISC Profile - Behavior assessment: https://www.extendeddisc.org. ------------------------------------- Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Resiliency exercises and to get updates on this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Become a Patron to support this content: http://patreon.com/humanup. Clap for me on my blog on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
53:03
July 16, 2019
Uncover Your Identity and Emotional Intelligence with John B Johnson
How do we become self-aware? How do we know who we are? How do we find our identity? It may very well be that we’ll never find who we are because identity is fluid. It’s always changing based on our environment, culture, the people we surround ourselves with, the perceptions and beliefs you take in, the questions you ask and the answers you decide to listen to. So who we are today will likely be different than who we were even just last week, or who we will be 5 years from now. So rather than spending time looking for our identity, what if we can create it instead? How can we design ourselves to do what we want to do, to be who we want to be? I talk to a friend and mentor, John B. Johnson, about his entrepreneurship journey in creating his own identity in both his personal and business lives and how this self-awareness is a crucial part of emotional intelligence and understanding ourselves. ------------------------------------- Timestamps: [7:01] John's background [10:45] The transition from architecture school to entrepreneurship [13:08] Change frees you to explore an identity that's more true to who you are [17:06] What is an Identity Architect? [21:16] Similarities and differences between architecting business identity vs personal identity [26:21] Good business requires deep personal introspection [31:20] How emotional intelligence is used to reveal personal identity [35:09] Developing emotional intelligence requires us to shed the external masks that cover up who we are [42:53] Self-discovery comes from exploration [47:55] 5 Core emotions ------------------------------------- Resources: John’s branding agency: http://asmallstudio.com. LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/johnbcreating. 1MillionCups for early-stage entrepreneurs to get vulnerable: https://www.1millioncups.com. 2-day Launch Camp in Seattle, Seed Spot: https://seedspot.org. ------------------------------------- Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Resiliency exercises and to get updates on this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Become a Patron to support this content: http://patreon.com/humanup. Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
58:45
July 8, 2019
The Struggle as an Emotional Man (and as an Asian American)
In my recent years, I’ve realized how much I’ve held myself back in my level of expression in my career, relationships, and even my hobbies. One of the contributing factors was the lack of the skill of emotional management and how to develop self-awareness in my upbringing. Not having the emotional support I needed, I was left on my own to develop it and it was definitely a struggle. I let outside perceptions affect how I view myself, which created limiting beliefs in who I was and was capable of being. Unfortunately, society and peer pressure is not completely avoidable, but we can at least control how we respond to it. ------------------------------------- Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Resiliency exercises and to get updates on this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/_victorung. Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
14:29
July 1, 2019
Becoming Unbound From Social Barriers with Wendy Horng Brawer
When I reflect upon my upbringing in my early education, I realize how much I’ve been lacking in the skills to manage my own emotions and to communicate that with the other kids around me. I wasn’t taught how to be social and emotional and while I learned a lot on my own, I also became skilled at keeping to myself. Sure, that gave me independence and resourcefulness, but it also left me alone and that much less assertive in how I interact with people. In my journey through increasing my own emotional intelligence today, I’ve been curious as to why this education hasn’t been taught in schools until now. And after talking with Wendy Horng Brawer, a Leadership and Transformation Coach who’s been working in education for more than a decade, as well as starting a business to help adults unbind themselves from the mental and social barriers that have been placed upon us, I feel so much better about the future emotional health of our society. ------------------------------------- Timestamps: [4:33] Social and emotional intelligence in conflict management. [10:44] Emotional intelligence improves assertiveness. [15:01] Traditional Asian culture rarely provided space for emotional well-being. [23:43] The inner critic in our mind is loud because we're not listening to our bodies. [26:11] Connecting back to our intuition is an exercise. [33:26] What a better intuitive sense and emotional intelligence can do for general well-being. [36:46] What it means to be unbounded. [42:21] What does the future hold in terms of mental and emotional health. ------------------------------------- Resources that Wendy mentioned in this episode: Dovetail Learning - Toolbox RULER program from Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence Stepping Stones Project Unbound ------------------------------------- Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Resiliency exercises and to get updates on this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/_victorung. Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
47:27
June 24, 2019
The Harder You Try to be Someone, The Easier You Forget to be Yourself
I guess you could say I’ve had an epiphany, or an ‘aha’ moment in learning to accept myself. I’ve realized that all throughout my life, I was always trying to be someone else. I would look up to those successful entrepreneurs, or famous celebrities, or even that popular kid in my high school and try to do everything they would do. But I’m naturally a more quiet, shy, introverted kid, especially with those I’m not comfortable with. My friends would disagree, but I also love being alone. So everytime I tried to be someone else, it felt unnatural, like I was stretching myself thin. And instead of inspiring or motivating me, putting these people on a pedestal just made me feel worse about myself and how they were everything I was not. -------------------------------- Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Resiliency exercises and to get podcast and blog updates at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/_victorung. Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
11:49
June 17, 2019
Where Are the Men of Color in the Wellness Industry? (with Mike Sagun)
Growing up, prioritizing my mental health was not something I explored with anyone. Our family rarely addressed our emotions. Sh*t would happen and we would all go to our respective corners of the house and either distract ourselves with other things or ruminate over it. In school and in the workplace, I didn’t feel safe enough to talk about my feelings either. I got that sense that no one did, especially the other men around me, so I kept it all to myself. I played it off when I was hurt, or embarrassed, or angry. Not only did I not have a male role model that was willing to be vulnerable and sit in humility, but I also haven’t seen many examples of men of color doing so, at least in mainstream media. I know there are many more voicing themselves now and I am so glad that they are, but for the most part, it’s still a missing avenue for a lot of us. Representation is so important for young people. We want to follow someone we can identify with and relate to. To be able to model ourselves after someone we'd like to become. Without it, there's potential to feel lonely, like we don't belong anywhere, and that we have to do everything on our own.  But that's never the case. All throughout history, humans have survived by working together as a team. No one does it alone. And that's why we need to see more examples of people from diverse backgrounds represented in every industry, let alone the wellness industry.  ------------------------------------- Timestamps: [8:14] There are all these young people looking for help, where are all the adults? [15:05] How can we address the lack of diversity in wellness spaces [18:29] Immigrant families didn't have the privilege and disposable income to prioritize mental wellness because there wasn’t a tangible benefit [28:32] Culture plays both a positive and negative role in how we perceive our individual values [33:57] Media has the power and responsibility with branding and representation to make it safe to be vulnerable [39:48] Technology can be used as a force for positivity [41:08] Respect your cultural and familial values, but know that they are also subjective, so you can choose what to believe in [51:01] End segment: when were you last angry, sad, and excited in your life? [58:16] What is Mike up to and where can you find him? ------------------------------------- Learn more about Mike and his story at https://www.mikesagun.com/about. Follow him on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/mike.sagun or at https://www.instagram.com/theunshakableman. Find more about Mike’s Unshakable Man program at https://www.mikesagun.com/unshakableprogram or at http://unshakableman.me. Create or join a free Men’s group in your city at https://evryman.com/groups. ------------------------------------- Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Resiliency exercises and to get podcast and blog updates at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/_victorung. Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
1:02:15
June 10, 2019
How Emotional Intelligence Provides Space for Genuine Attraction with Ed Baxter
After embarking on this journey to improve my own emotional intelligence, I’ve found that the lack thereof not only resulted in stagnation within my career, but in my romantic relationships as well. I didn’t know myself, I didn’t know what values to confidently stand behind, I wasn’t aware of, nor was I expressive with my emotions, and now I’ve realized, that was what was unattractive to everyone. I’ve had many failed attempts at trying to “generate” attraction with women. Because women didn’t seem to be attracted to me, I thought I had to create a spark when meeting women. I tried to memorize the tactics, or lines, or ways to manipulate the interaction so that they would like me. Obviously, that didn’t work either. I’m still trying to figure things out for myself, with the help from Ed Baxter, a men’s relationship coach I found on Facebook. We discuss how we should focus on ourselves first, and on how we think and feel about ourselves before focusing on others. ---------------------------------------------- [5:31] How settling for someone creates gaps and insecurities in what you want and need from a relationship [11:38] Create meaningful relationships by separating your identity as an introvert from the label of shyness [13:40] Introversion and social anxiety are mutually exclusive [16:28] How can introverts put ourselves out there more? [19:29] Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness, but of courage [24:52] The tactics rarely generate genuine attraction [26:07] What can we do to develop deeper connections? [30:42] If you want a more connected relationship, you have to connect back to your own emotions and intuition [34:17] As long as you have faith in your authenticity, you can detach yourself from outside judgments [39:03] Stand out from the crowd in dating by being open, calm, and present with her and the woman inside [41:43] You can't feel the attraction when you're caught up in judgments ---------------------------------- Subscribe to get your free list of 11 EQ exercises, and to get podcast and blog updates at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/_victorung. Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
49:14
June 3, 2019
A Clarity Coaching Session with William Kelley
When we lack direction and purpose, we lose all meaning in what we do and why we do it. Without our own sense of direction, we’re also that much more susceptible to other people’s influence. Finding clarity in how you want your future life to look like doesn’t mean setting high, unreachable expectations that will only disappoint you if you don’t hit them. It’s about having that target to aim for, something to work towards, a goal to stand behind. And feeling good getting even just a bit closer to it. ------------------------------------- [6:33] What is clarity? [8:16] How do you know you've chosen the right path? [11:15] How do you deal with the fear of failure? [13:52] We tell ourselves that we lack clarity, so we're susceptible to other people's wants [14:56] We lack clarity because we don't make the time for it. [17:17] Finding clarity means forgetting about the 'how' [18:53] You don't have to be capable right now, you can become capable [21:15] Finding clarity is an ongoing process [23:07] Clarity is found by bringing together the past, present, and future [23:53] Split the different Creative, Planning, and Judgment modes [29:23] Develop your ideal day [38:14] Your actions will start to reflect your beliefs [39:57] Clarity means looking at other areas of your life [44:22] Determine who you want to become [45:09] What if who you want to become is not natural to you? [47:34] Past identity is not the current identity, so let go of the fear of changing or leaving anything behind [50:51] Defining your Clarity Manifesto will make it easier to make decisions for yourself [55:23] Create a movie of your future self to envision how they would behave --------------------------------- Get the template to find clarity with the Clarity Manifesto here: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1iuxAVr8iH5_bIXnuTeEt3f4tlK3n99tR. Subscribe to this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Follow me on Instagram at http://instagram.com/_victorung. Clap for me on Medium at http://medium.com/@victorung.
58:13
May 20, 2019
You Don't Have to Do It Alone
Have you've heard of the Lone Wolf mentality? Being the oldest of the first-generation of kids from an immigrant family, I took on a lot of the pressure and responsibility to perform and to be independent. I found pride in my own ability to take care of myself and do everything on my own, but at the same time, that developed an insecurity of relinquishing control and perfectionism and it isolated me from asking for help and delegating appropriately. If you can relate, I encourage you to identify your true strengths and find humility in yourself and your weaknesses so that you can find those to support you where you can't support yourself. You don't have to do life alone. ------------------------------ Subscribe to get your free list of 11 EQ exercises, and to get podcast and blog updates at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/_victorung. Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
14:54
May 8, 2019
(1 year later) An Update On My Quarter-life Crisis
A year ago, I uploaded a video proclaiming that I am going through my own quarter-life crisis. Since then I've connected with so many others going through something similar of their own and learning so much about people, humanity, and life, but most importantly, myself. If you've noticed yourself stuck somewhere, it might be because we've been taught so much on how to behave for everyone else except ourselves. We were given education on other people's values, but haven't spent enough time identifying our own. Catch up with me at http://victorung.com. Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/_victorung. Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung. The first time I talked to a random person over the phone about their struggles was eye-opening: https://medium.com/the-post-grad-survival-guide/i-almost-quit-because-i-wasnt-ready-254ba8b070a0.
15:18
April 30, 2019
What They Didn't Tell You About Happiness
Have you heard of the happiness equation?  Happiness = reality - expectations. My logical mind loved this simple formula to follow in order to be happy! But what this did was contain me to a certain standard of what my reality was. I assumed that that was a constant variable and only thought I had control over my expectations. So in order to maintain a positive measure of happiness, I just lowered my expectations instead. And that slowly chipped away at my confidence and empowerment because I lost self-agency. Subscribe to this podcast and my blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe.
12:45
April 22, 2019
Over-doing vs Over-thinking
When we find ourselves stuck in life it's usually because we either have been doing too much without thought, finding ourselves all of a sudden somewhere we don't like to be, or because we keep going in circles over-thinking our next steps, mostly out of fear of something happening or not happening from it. How do we take consistent action without moving blindly and without over-complicating each step? A piece of it could be to start with knowing where you're at on the spectrum and then be comfortable bouncing back and forth. VIA Character Strengths Assessment: https://www.viacharacter.org. Stay connected with this podcast at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Non-sponsored blog post that I found after publishing this episode. The writer here did a way better job articulating this balance:  https://medium.com/s/more-to-that/the-right-side-of-thought-ac5841311472 
20:04
April 17, 2019
Find Direction by Slowing Down
Slow down for a minute. There's a rush that so many of us feel like we have to chase. It's face-paced and we praise it. We have to get somewhere as fast as possible, get promoted in the shortest number of years, find the perfect partner after just a couple dates, drive everywhere to save time from walking. But in trying to save time, we lose what time could give us. Beauty, opportunity, adventure. And when we're pressured to run too fast, it's difficult to see where you're going or what you're aiming at, and that's why we feel lost.  Slow down, breathe, aim, fire. Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe.
22:59
April 8, 2019
What Do You Love?
I found this song, "What Do You Love" by Seeb ft Jacob Banks, and it was one of those moments where the lyrics feel like they're speaking right to you. It made me think about, what it is I do love, which helped me feel better about the direction I'm taking in this transitional point of my life right now. If you're ever stuck, ask yourself, What do you love? What do you stand for? What do you fall for? Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe.
15:50
April 1, 2019
Using the Negative Emotion Typology (with friends!)
One of my good friends decided he was tired of being angry at his coworker for no reason and took it upon himself to figure out why. He literally Googled, "What is annoyance" and found an awesome tool, the Negative Emotion Typology. It lists out the major human emotions and its description on when people would typically feel them. A lot of our issues are exaggerated solely because we let the ambiguity of our emotions spread into other facets of our lives. By putting a name to it, you're already one step closer to not letting the negative emotions consume you. Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe.
33:27
March 25, 2019
The First Step to Increasing Emotional Intelligence
Being the emotional beings we are, it's impossible to absolutely control what we feel, but we do have some control over how we emote them. The first step to gaining that control back is to define what we're feeling. If you are aware of the factors that trigger a specific feeling, you can then find the words to better communicate it both to yourself and to others, which will lessen the overwhelming, ambiguous feelings. From here, you can disarm the negative emotions and start thinking of calm, rational steps to address it.  Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe. 
13:48
March 19, 2019
So This is a Quarter Life Crisis Huh?
I never thought I would get to this point. Everything seemed fine, was going great, I genuinely enjoyed what I was doing with my life.  But something shifted where I realized that what I was enjoying really was complacency, disguised as comfort. I was working towards my ideal sense of familiarity which limited my growth in my career, love, and awareness. So I guess this is what a quarter-life crisis feels like, when everything you thought you had been doing would prepare you for this moment, but you only realize how unprepared you really are. Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe. 
11:17
March 11, 2019
I'm Tired of Holding Myself Back
Whether we know it or not, our environments have a huge impact on ourselves, but the less believed perspective is that we have a huge impact on our environments as well. It sounds like common sense, but it's not common knowledge, that we do have more control over our lives than we think. It's not to ignore all the external circumstances and systemic issues that we are confined to. It's about shifting the perspectives to how we want to use that. I've been using these external sources as an excuse to limit myself. I worry too much about what other people are going to think, or how I might be perceived. What that did was create more unawareness of both myself and others because I kept holding myself back. I'm working on getting over that. Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe. 
16:57
March 4, 2019
Why Human Up?
As a kid, I was told to "man up" many times. I heard people say this to the boys around me, sometimes even some girls. As innocent as their intentions were, what this did was confuse me. What did that mean exactly?  So rather than telling others to "man up," why don't we "human up" instead? Can we find ways to be better men, women, and children for ourselves rather than how anyone else thinks we're supposed to behave? Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe.  
09:49
February 25, 2019
What Emotional Intelligence Means to Me
I talk about my journey in learning to become more emotionally intelligent after growing up in environments that didn't give me the safe space to express my thoughts and emotions. I didn't develop enough confidence in myself to create that space on my own and it's led me to a place of complacency. I wish I learned about these concepts before! Why weren't these taught in schools? Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe.  
19:54
February 25, 2019
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