Human Up

The First Step to Increasing Emotional Intelligence

An episode of Human Up

Avatar
By Victor Ung
An emotionally-stunted dude's exploration of what it means to be emotionally intelligent. Raised between Asian and American culture, and in the tech world, where mental and emotional health was not prioritized enough, this nerd aims to demystify what it means to not only be a man, but a human. As society progresses faster than humans were meant to keep up with, how do we adapt to an ever-changing world while strengthening our brittle emotions for resiliency? Human Up plans to collect the tools, stories, and practical applications to help us navigate through the modern, technological age.
More places to listen

More places to listen

I've Been Trying so Hard to be Someone That I Forgot to be Myself
I guess you could say I’ve had an epiphany, or an ‘aha’ moment in learning to accept myself. I’ve realized that all throughout my life, I was always trying to be someone else. I would look up to those successful entrepreneurs, or famous celebrities, or even that popular kid in my high school and try to do everything they would do. But I’m naturally a more quiet, shy, introverted kid, especially with those I’m not comfortable with. My friends would disagree, but I also love being alone. So everytime I tried to be someone else, it felt unnatural, like I was stretching myself thin. And instead of inspiring or motivating me, putting these people on a pedestal just made me feel worse about myself and how they were everything I was not. -------------------------------- Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Resiliency exercises and to get podcast and blog updates at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/_victorung. Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
11:49
June 17, 2019
Where Are the Men of Color in the Wellness Industry? (with Mike Sagun)
Growing up, prioritizing my mental health was not something I explored with anyone. Our family rarely addressed our emotions. Sh*t would happen and we would all go to our respective corners of the house and either distract ourselves with other things or ruminate over it. In school and in the workplace, I didn’t feel safe enough to talk about my feelings either. I got that sense that no one did, especially the other men around me, so I kept it all to myself. I played it off when I was hurt, or embarrassed, or angry. Not only did I not have a male role model that was willing to be vulnerable and sit in humility, but I also haven’t seen many examples of men of color doing so, at least in mainstream media. I know there are many more voicing themselves now and I am so glad that they are, but for the most part, it’s still a missing avenue for a lot of us. Representation is so important for young people. We want to follow someone we can identify with and relate to. To be able to model ourselves after someone we'd like to become. Without it, there's potential to feel lonely, like we don't belong anywhere, and that we have to do everything on our own.  But that's never the case. All throughout history, humans have survived by working together as a team. No one does it alone. And that's why we need to see more examples of people from diverse backgrounds represented in every industry, let alone the wellness industry.  ------------------------------------- Timestamps: [8:14] There are all these young people looking for help, where are all the adults? [15:05] How can we address the lack of diversity in wellness spaces [18:29] Immigrant families didn't have the privilege and disposable income to prioritize mental wellness because there wasn’t a tangible benefit [28:32] Culture plays both a positive and negative role in how we perceive our individual values [33:57] Media has the power and responsibility with branding and representation to make it safe to be vulnerable [39:48] Technology can be used as a force for positivity [41:08] Respect your cultural and familial values, but know that they are also subjective, so you can choose what to believe in [51:01] End segment: when were you last angry, sad, and excited in your life? [58:16] What is Mike up to and where can you find him? ------------------------------------- Learn more about Mike and his story at https://www.mikesagun.com/about. Follow him on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/mike.sagun or at https://www.instagram.com/theunshakableman. Find more about Mike’s Unshakable Man program at https://www.mikesagun.com/unshakableprogram or at http://unshakableman.me. Create or join a free Men’s group in your city at https://evryman.com/groups. ------------------------------------- Subscribe to get your free list of 11 Emotional Resiliency exercises and to get podcast and blog updates at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/_victorung. Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
1:02:15
June 10, 2019
How Emotional Intelligence Provides Space for Genuine Attraction with Ed Baxter
After embarking on this journey to improve my own emotional intelligence, I’ve found that the lack thereof not only resulted in stagnation within my career, but in my romantic relationships as well. I didn’t know myself, I didn’t know what values to confidently stand behind, I wasn’t aware of, nor was I expressive with my emotions, and now I’ve realized, that was what was unattractive to everyone. I’ve had many failed attempts at trying to “generate” attraction with women. Because women didn’t seem to be attracted to me, I thought I had to create a spark when meeting women. I tried to memorize the tactics, or lines, or ways to manipulate the interaction so that they would like me. Obviously, that didn’t work either. I’m still trying to figure things out for myself, with the help from Ed Baxter, a men’s relationship coach I found on Facebook. We discuss how we should focus on ourselves first, and on how we think and feel about ourselves before focusing on others. ---------------------------------------------- [5:31] How settling for someone creates gaps and insecurities in what you want and need from a relationship [11:38] Create meaningful relationships by separating your identity as an introvert from the label of shyness [13:40] Introversion and social anxiety are mutually exclusive [16:28] How can introverts put ourselves out there more? [19:29] Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness, but of courage [24:52] The tactics rarely generate genuine attraction [26:07] What can we do to develop deeper connections? [30:42] If you want a more connected relationship, you have to connect back to your own emotions and intuition [34:17] As long as you have faith in your authenticity, you can detach yourself from outside judgments [39:03] Stand out from the crowd in dating by being open, calm, and present with her and the woman inside [41:43] You can't feel the attraction when you're caught up in judgments ---------------------------------- Subscribe to get your free list of 11 EQ exercises, and to get podcast and blog updates at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/_victorung. Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
49:14
June 3, 2019
A Clarity Coaching Session with William Kelley
When we lack direction and purpose, we lose all meaning in what we do and why we do it. Without our own sense of direction, we’re also that much more susceptible to other people’s influence. Finding clarity in how you want your future life to look like doesn’t mean setting high, unreachable expectations that will only disappoint you if you don’t hit them. It’s about having that target to aim for, something to work towards, a goal to stand behind. And feeling good getting even just a bit closer to it. ------------------------------------- [6:33] What is clarity? [8:16] How do you know you've chosen the right path? [11:15] How do you deal with the fear of failure? [13:52] We tell ourselves that we lack clarity, so we're susceptible to other people's wants [14:56] We lack clarity because we don't make the time for it. [17:17] Finding clarity means forgetting about the 'how' [18:53] You don't have to be capable right now, you can become capable [21:15] Finding clarity is an ongoing process [23:07] Clarity is found by bringing together the past, present, and future [23:53] Split the different Creative, Planning, and Judgment modes [29:23] Develop your ideal day [38:14] Your actions will start to reflect your beliefs [39:57] Clarity means looking at other areas of your life [44:22] Determine who you want to become [45:09] What if who you want to become is not natural to you? [47:34] Past identity is not the current identity, so let go of the fear of changing or leaving anything behind [50:51] Defining your Clarity Manifesto will make it easier to make decisions for yourself [55:23] Create a movie of your future self to envision how they would behave --------------------------------- Get the template to find clarity with the Clarity Manifesto here: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1iuxAVr8iH5_bIXnuTeEt3f4tlK3n99tR. Subscribe to this podcast and blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Follow me on Instagram at http://instagram.com/_victorung. Clap for me on Medium at http://medium.com/@victorung.
58:13
May 20, 2019
You Don't Have to Do It Alone
Have you've heard of the Lone Wolf mentality? Being the oldest of the first-generation of kids from an immigrant family, I took on a lot of the pressure and responsibility to perform and to be independent. I found pride in my own ability to take care of myself and do everything on my own, but at the same time, that developed an insecurity of relinquishing control and perfectionism and it isolated me from asking for help and delegating appropriately. If you can relate, I encourage you to identify your true strengths and find humility in yourself and your weaknesses so that you can find those to support you where you can't support yourself. You don't have to do life alone. ------------------------------ Subscribe to get your free list of 11 EQ exercises, and to get podcast and blog updates at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/_victorung. Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung.
14:54
May 8, 2019
(1 year later) An Update On My Quarter-life Crisis
A year ago, I uploaded a video proclaiming that I am going through my own quarter-life crisis. Since then I've connected with so many others going through something similar of their own and learning so much about people, humanity, and life, but most importantly, myself. If you've noticed yourself stuck somewhere, it might be because we've been taught so much on how to behave for everyone else except ourselves. We were given education on other people's values, but haven't spent enough time identifying our own. Catch up with me at http://victorung.com. Follow me on Instagram: http://instagram.com/_victorung. Clap for me on Medium: http://medium.com/@victorung. The first time I talked to a random person over the phone about their struggles was eye-opening: https://medium.com/the-post-grad-survival-guide/i-almost-quit-because-i-wasnt-ready-254ba8b070a0.
15:18
April 30, 2019
What They Didn't Tell You About Happiness
Have you heard of the happiness equation?  Happiness = reality - expectations. My logical mind loved this simple formula to follow in order to be happy! But what this did was contain me to a certain standard of what my reality was. I assumed that that was a constant variable and only thought I had control over my expectations. So in order to maintain a positive measure of happiness, I just lowered my expectations instead. And that slowly chipped away at my confidence and empowerment because I lost self-agency. Subscribe to this podcast and my blog at http://victorung.com/subscribe.
12:45
April 22, 2019
Over-doing vs Over-thinking
When we find ourselves stuck in life it's usually because we either have been doing too much without thought, finding ourselves all of a sudden somewhere we don't like to be, or because we keep going in circles over-thinking our next steps, mostly out of fear of something happening or not happening from it. How do we take consistent action without moving blindly and without over-complicating each step? A piece of it could be to start with knowing where you're at on the spectrum and then be comfortable bouncing back and forth. VIA Character Strengths Assessment: https://www.viacharacter.org. Stay connected with this podcast at http://victorung.com/subscribe. Non-sponsored blog post that I found after publishing this episode. The writer here did a way better job articulating this balance:  https://medium.com/s/more-to-that/the-right-side-of-thought-ac5841311472 
20:04
April 17, 2019
Find Direction by Slowing Down
Slow down for a minute. There's a rush that so many of us feel like we have to chase. It's face-paced and we praise it. We have to get somewhere as fast as possible, get promoted in the shortest number of years, find the perfect partner after just a couple dates, drive everywhere to save time from walking. But in trying to save time, we lose what time could give us. Beauty, opportunity, adventure. And when we're pressured to run too fast, it's difficult to see where you're going or what you're aiming at, and that's why we feel lost.  Slow down, breathe, aim, fire. Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe.
22:59
April 8, 2019
What Do You Love?
I found this song, "What Do You Love" by Seeb ft Jacob Banks, and it was one of those moments where the lyrics feel like they're speaking right to you. It made me think about, what it is I do love, which helped me feel better about the direction I'm taking in this transitional point of my life right now. If you're ever stuck, ask yourself, What do you love? What do you stand for? What do you fall for? Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe.
15:50
April 1, 2019
Using the Negative Emotion Typology (with friends!)
One of my good friends decided he was tired of being angry at his coworker for no reason and took it upon himself to figure out why. He literally Googled, "What is annoyance" and found an awesome tool, the Negative Emotion Typology. It lists out the major human emotions and its description on when people would typically feel them. A lot of our issues are exaggerated solely because we let the ambiguity of our emotions spread into other facets of our lives. By putting a name to it, you're already one step closer to not letting the negative emotions consume you. Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe.
33:27
March 25, 2019
The First Step to Increasing Emotional Intelligence
Being the emotional beings we are, it's impossible to absolutely control what we feel, but we do have some control over how we emote them. The first step to gaining that control back is to define what we're feeling. If you are aware of the factors that trigger a specific feeling, you can then find the words to better communicate it both to yourself and to others, which will lessen the overwhelming, ambiguous feelings. From here, you can disarm the negative emotions and start thinking of calm, rational steps to address it.  Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe. 
13:48
March 19, 2019
So This is a Quarter Life Crisis Huh?
I never thought I would get to this point. Everything seemed fine, was going great, I genuinely enjoyed what I was doing with my life.  But something shifted where I realized that what I was enjoying really was complacency, disguised as comfort. I was working towards my ideal sense of familiarity which limited my growth in my career, love, and awareness. So I guess this is what a quarter-life crisis feels like, when everything you thought you had been doing would prepare you for this moment, but you only realize how unprepared you really are. Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe. 
11:17
March 11, 2019
I'm Tired of Holding Myself Back
Whether we know it or not, our environments have a huge impact on ourselves, but the less believed perspective is that we have a huge impact on our environments as well. It sounds like common sense, but it's not common knowledge, that we do have more control over our lives than we think. It's not to ignore all the external circumstances and systemic issues that we are confined to. It's about shifting the perspectives to how we want to use that. I've been using these external sources as an excuse to limit myself. I worry too much about what other people are going to think, or how I might be perceived. What that did was create more unawareness of both myself and others because I kept holding myself back. I'm working on getting over that. Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe. 
16:57
March 4, 2019
Why Human Up?
As a kid, I was told to "man up" many times. I heard people say this to the boys around me, sometimes even some girls. As innocent as their intentions were, what this did was confuse me. What did that mean exactly?  So rather than telling others to "man up," why don't we "human up" instead? Can we find ways to be better men, women, and children for ourselves rather than how anyone else thinks we're supposed to behave? Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe.  
09:49
February 25, 2019
What Emotional Intelligence Means to Me
I talk about my journey in learning to become more emotionally intelligent after growing up in environments that didn't give me the safe space to express my thoughts and emotions. I didn't develop enough confidence in myself to create that space on my own and it's led me to a place of complacency. I wish I learned about these concepts before! Why weren't these taught in schools? Stay connected at http://victorung.com/subscribe.  
19:54
February 25, 2019
Make your own podcast for free with Anchor!