Skip to main content
The Brandonian Doctrine

The Brandonian Doctrine

By Brandon Wilson
Short musings from a contrarian mind
Currently playing episode

11 Easter Sunday

The Brandonian Doctrine

11 Easter Sunday

The Brandonian Doctrine

1x
109 Simultaneous Bodily Functions
Hopefully, nothing like this has ever happened to you.
02:50
June 17, 2021
108 Credit for the offer
I don't mind helping with certain tasks, but for drudgery like moving, I just want credit for the offer.
02:02
April 22, 2021
107 Browsing CNN
I'll take the hit and read the news so you don't have to.
03:15
April 8, 2021
106 St. Patrick's Day
Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone! Whatever you do, don't go to an Irish bar on St. Patrick's Day.
01:55
March 17, 2021
105 A Dream of a Wedding
No one wants to hear about the dream you had last night.
01:19
March 2, 2021
104 Phrases to end a call
Have you ever been on the phone with someone and just can't seem to end the call? Here are some suggestions that should end the call immediately.
01:43
February 19, 2021
103 Chips and Floor Salsa
A tip for SuperBowl parties
01:18
February 5, 2021
102 What to do when someone is choking
Important public service announcement in case you are ever in this situation.
01:51
January 24, 2021
101 Best of Part 2
Part 2 of the best clips of The Brandonian Doctrine
09:33
September 20, 2020
100 Best of Part 1
As a capper to Season 1, this is Part 1 of a compilation of the best bits from The Brandonian Doctrine
09:09
August 30, 2020
99 Tickets
"Tickets! Tickets!"
02:21
August 13, 2020
98 My voicemail box is full
This is what I've always wanted my voicemail message to be.
02:11
August 5, 2020
97 The 33 Percent Rule
A rule for relationships
01:45
July 30, 2020
96 No is an acceptable choice
Just say no applies to more than just drugs.
01:21
July 29, 2020
95 Busy is a decision
Are you pretending to be too busy? That's your choice.
01:38
July 28, 2020
94 Money back guarantee
I don't want my money back. I want the product/service to work as advertised.
01:25
July 27, 2020
93 Milk is a gateway food to bad eating
For me, milk does NOT do a body good.
02:04
July 24, 2020
92 Internet's down!
Sometimes the internet goes down and sometimes it doesn't. 
03:14
July 22, 2020
91 Getting less but paying more
So much for the trend of bigger is better.
01:43
July 21, 2020
90 My ode to pizza
For all the pizza lovers out there.
03:55
July 17, 2020
89 Finishing what you started
What's this "never quit" mantra I hear so much about?
02:10
July 16, 2020
88 Momentum in three's
On momentum, success, decision, and action
01:30
July 15, 2020
87 When the day starts
Hint: It's NOT when you wake up in the morning.
01:15
July 14, 2020
86 Knowledge is not power
Knowing is not enough.
02:26
July 13, 2020
85 Dad humor
My attempt at some dad humor.
02:15
July 10, 2020
84 Three check month
Has anyone else experienced the three-check month phenomenon?
01:25
July 9, 2020
83 A relatively healthy young man
"What would you say to someone who is bleeding from four different places on his body at the same time?"
01:48
July 8, 2020
82 Work messaging
Microsoft Teams is the latest program. Do we need another one?
01:43
July 7, 2020
81 Weddings
Should weddings be put on hold while we sort out this pandemic?
02:52
July 6, 2020
79 A man going into a women's restroom
True story. Part 1.
01:46
July 1, 2020
78 Titles don't matter
I don't care about your title.
01:53
June 26, 2020
77 Putting all your eggs in one basket
One source of income is a bad idea.
02:03
June 25, 2020
76 Tide Epi pen
A new invention that combines life-saving with convenience.
01:46
June 24, 2020
75 Reverse dialing
A technique for dealing with telemarketers.
01:22
June 23, 2020
74 Lessons learned
What's the point of lessons learned if no one learns the lessons?
00:59
June 22, 2020
73 Happy Father's Day
Happy Father's Day!
01:16
June 19, 2020
72 The Turkey Bacon Hypothesis
I'm either going to eat the real deal or go without. No turkey bacon.
03:17
June 18, 2020
71 BOGO
Buy one, get one. What happened to 2-for-1?
01:02
June 17, 2020
70 I'll see you on Sunday
Direct threat or harmless reminder?
01:17
June 16, 2020
69 Three sneezes
Beware that third sneeze in a row.
01:49
June 15, 2020
68 Escape rooms
Do not invite me to one.
01:50
June 12, 2020
67 A Look-see
Have a look-see.
01:12
June 11, 2020
66 Friendly reminders
Maybe it's time for unfriendly reminders instead.
01:07
June 10, 2020
65 A drink coaster has two jobs
Any drink coasters that do not fulfill these two jobs are out!
01:25
June 9, 2020
64 Grocery shopping tips
Let's explore some grocery shopping tips and see if they are all that valuable.
02:37
June 8, 2020
63 Link in the bio
I don't have time to go searching for links on Instagram.
01:27
June 5, 2020
62 Dining out
Ready to go out to eat? There's going to be some changes.
01:26
June 4, 2020
61 Linked In notifications
If you have a job, are you spending any time on Linked In? 
02:28
June 3, 2020
60 Content recommendations
I don't need content recommendations.
01:11
June 2, 2020
59 Text marketing
Enough of advertising in text messages. Who's with me??
01:31
June 1, 2020
58 The T-shirt from Boston
Can you tell I'm an introvert?
01:23
May 29, 2020
57 First time in management
Some advice that I got when I took my first management position.
01:12
May 28, 2020
56 HBO Max
Maybe it should be called HBO Lax.
01:30
May 27, 2020
55 Trust the sender
Do you trust the sender of an email when the sender is you?
01:33
May 26, 2020
54 Be neighborly
What does it mean to be neighborly?
01:04
May 25, 2020
53 Getting robbed blind
Always keep an eye out.
00:52
May 24, 2020
52 Face masks revisited
Anyone else tired of face masks already?
01:45
May 23, 2020
51 Light mayo
Mayonnaise fans, this one's for you.
01:55
May 22, 2020
50 Why do we call them toiletries?
Aren't these items used at the sink instead of the toilet?
01:36
May 21, 2020
49 Headspace app for free
Who are the best beneficiaries of this free service?
01:42
May 20, 2020
48 Teeth whitening products
Teeth whitening products are easy to find. What about teeth staining products?
01:34
May 19, 2020
47 Election polls
Stop wasting my time with meaningless polls and hypothetical stories. Who cares!
01:53
May 18, 2020
46 Walking for your health
Simply taking a walk sounds easy right?
01:49
May 17, 2020
45 Celebrating birthdays
Let's remember to focus on our priorities right now.
02:26
May 16, 2020
44 Commercials for prescription drugs
I'm tired of these commercials.
01:26
May 15, 2020
43 Peach cobbler
For all the people who like cobbler.
00:56
May 14, 2020
42 Papa Murphy's Pizza
Who is buying Papa Murphy's pizzas??
01:42
May 13, 2020
41 Applaud our appliances
Thanking the unsung heroes in our households.
02:11
May 12, 2020
40 Donation for the troops
This is a vintage episode reminding me of the good ol' days of traveling.
01:36
May 11, 2020
39 Cold cough drops
Who knew cough drops could be so funny?
01:24
May 10, 2020
38 Thong diaper
Some ideas are simply absurd.
00:53
May 9, 2020
37 Amber alerts
What exactly am I supposed to do when I see an amber alert?
01:22
May 8, 2020
36 Menu items have changed
Who keeps changing these?
00:58
May 7, 2020
35 Sorry I was talking on mute
Ok time to call out these people.
02:55
May 6, 2020
34 Paid to do nothing
The CARES Act has some unintended consequences.
01:55
May 5, 2020
33 I don't watch Jeopardy
Anyone else annoyed by this?
01:21
May 4, 2020
32 What is a dotson?
I just call it a hot dog.
00:30
May 3, 2020
31 Rolling Stone magazine
Magazines went out with powdered wigs.
01:32
May 2, 2020
30 Underlying conditions
Don't forget the overlying conditions.
01:13
May 1, 2020
29 Geico insurance
What's with the obsession with the number 15?
02:12
April 30, 2020
28 Get on the same page
Do you really want to be on the same page with everyone else?
00:51
April 29, 2020
27 The untold story
By the time it gets to me, the story has been told.
01:17
April 28, 2020
26 CEO emails
That's fine but where's my order??
01:35
April 27, 2020
25 Food baby
Have you ever carried around a food baby?
01:07
April 26, 2020
24 Senior pictures
Who needs to pay for senior pictures nowadays?
00:54
April 25, 2020
23 Webcam spying
Cover those webcams when not in use!
01:19
April 24, 2020
22 A ransomware attack
Look out for the hackers!
01:30
April 23, 2020
21 Earth day
Happy Earth Day everybody!
01:28
April 22, 2020
20 The impending doom of a phone call
Who else can't stand talking on the phone?
01:21
April 21, 2020
19 Political endorsements
What good are political endorsements?
01:23
April 20, 2020
18 The greatest of all time
A riff on his Airness Michael Jordan
01:32
April 19, 2020
17 A scale and 401k
What's with a scale and 401k going in the WRONG direction faster than anything??
01:09
April 18, 2020
16 Nails on a chalkboard
I describe one of the worst sounds that gives me absolute anxiety.
01:24
April 17, 2020
15 Data in the media
Be sure to use the words data and media correctly.
00:54
April 16, 2020
14 Face masks in public
Don't forget to wear your face mask when you go out and about.
01:22
April 15, 2020
13 The jury is out
Is the jury out or not out?
00:59
April 14, 2020
12 Puzzles and boredom
Who gets bored?
01:08
April 13, 2020
11 Easter Sunday
I'm just here to see the show.
01:00
April 12, 2020
10 Teledentistry
Isn't dentistry a hands-on field?
01:31
April 11, 2020
09 Washing hands
Don't forget to wash your hands.
01:02
April 10, 2020
08 You gotta go to bed
A simple phrase for a good night's sleep.
01:31
April 10, 2020
07 How to gain weight
A puzzling lack of information
01:27
April 8, 2020
06 Christmas lights in April
Spreading cheer and joy?
01:15
April 7, 2020
05 Non name
What's with these non-names?
00:50
April 6, 2020
04 Trolls
Look out for the Trolls coming to your living room soon!
01:01
April 5, 2020
03 Small business
Support small business?
00:33
April 4, 2020
02 Stay Healthy
Either get healthy or stay healthy.
00:36
April 4, 2020
01 Call to Inaction
We need a call to inaction.
00:35
April 4, 2020
April 3, 2020
00:20
April 3, 2020