Dating Kinky

How I have learned more about racism through my experience of language as a white child and as a woman.

Is it possible that people don't realize that their actions don't align with what they are working so hard towards? 

Of course it is. 

We are never "ready" for all that we do. We might be prepared, but ready? 

Nope. 

It's the waiter rule. How people treat service people matters. 

Today is a short ‘cast about the curse of knowledge, deformation, misunderstandings and apologies. 

Because submissives could often find themselves giving everyone else what fills those people up, while starving themselves. 

It's against human nature to knowingly making a mistake.

People ALWAYS choose the best path for them at the time. Even when that path is, "I'm going to try this thing and it may not work, but I will at least grow from it."

In fact, I'd postulate that it rarely is. But that doesn’t really matter. 

Which is both a good place to start and definitely inaccurate—at least for many. Let’s break this down.

The people who are most successful as singles are especially likely to end up in happy marriages…let's look at why.

People ask me all the time, "How do you spot people who use the idea of polyamory to exploit others/get laid?"

It’s so incredibly easy to be wrong. And no one is ever 100% right. 

However, with a little thought about what really matters to us, we can be more right. 

It's fundamental in communication. Understand the words I say, and why I say them. Don't read more into them than exists. 

THE ONE is a LOT of pressure to put on anyone before you've met them. Even if it's just a possibility. 

I mean, we often say things like this in jest, and yet, it's 100% true. We ALL have good qualities, and when we focus on ourselves, we KNOW what those good qualities are, and it's easy to wonder why others don't see those and respond to them.

I can tell you why:

What is true in this moment with the information you have may be be the TRUTH. That does not invalidate your reaction. 

That's like saying, "Well, they stuck around even after I beat the everlasting fuck out of them (in non-consensual, non-fun ways), so it must be OK to do it."

Using someone's sexual desire for you to manipulate them without consent is crappy behavior. 

Many times, people coming to something new don't want to have to think deeply or want to LEARN. They want to accomplish a goal.

I always have a choice to take people at face value for ALL that they are, or walk away if I cannot/will not.

What do you mean when you say you trust someone? When you give a referral or vett someone? When you make an introduction, or put your weight behind a person?

A few other links on trust: 

In a lot of ways, that's a GOOD thing. After all, it releases stress, helps you sleep better, and a host of other things. 

We all do whatever we do because we get something from it. The question is: What do you provide that people want?

Don’t fall into the trap of believing that a dominant is going to fix everything in your life. Instead, ask: What are you doing to develop who you are as a desirable companion both in and out of your submission?

If you've ever left a relationship that you've been putting 100% into, because you finally realized that you alone aren't enough to make it work...you know. 

Don't do that to another person. 

Short answer: Because we benefit from them.

Wait. We benefit from being lied to?

Oh yeah, we do. We LOVE it! As long as we're not lied to too much, or in a way that we can't ignore.

I’m practicing a model I’m writing about on orgasms with you, my audience. 

*smiles* 

We all have a tendency to see and experience only what we greatly desire or truly fear, but not the slightly tarnished and full-of-character and wonderment and joy reality that actually exists…especially when we are searching for connection. 

How do you honor your power exchange relationship while in public? Of course, this is an intensely personal thing. There are many ways to show off your dynamic, some are quite subtle, others more overt. 

I wonder about the traps we set for others in our heads. What does it mean to me when I meet a man or a woman or an enby? A submissive or a little or a furry? What does it mean when I call someone sexy or smart? 

I was writing a chapter for the FLR, FemDom, and Women In Charge Relationships book coming out in just a few days (yikes!), and I realized that it applies to ALL power exchange relationship dynamics, and I wanted to share it with you. 

Unicorn Hunting is a touchy term in Polyamory circles. 

So many single women have gotten burned by couples looking "for a third," and then...well, I'll get to this. 

One of the biggest challenges surrounding this topic is, in my view, the communication of it. 

Do you prefer being seduced? Or seducing? 

Do you see power inherent in one or the other? Do they fit in dominance or submission roles (or other power labels) to you? 

I find a simple two-step process works best for me. First, I get consent.

When your consent is broken, it hurts, it’s confusing, and sometimes, it’s hard to figure out what to do. Here are a few options to help you. 

As a cis woman, I've ALWAYS known that there is a BIG divide between how most cis men experience sex and orgasm and how I do. 

How is it that so many people DON'T?

Knowledge is not power. Knowledge is knowledge until you apply it or leverage it.

Shame is an emotion. And emotions exist to call our attention to things we might need to think about, pay attention to, or fix. So, if you’re feeling shame about your kink, dive into it, and ask yourself some questions.

If I take 100% responsibility, that does not stop someone else from doing the same. 

It seems like not liking the people we love is trendy and cool right now, which seems to be the opposite of what it should be.

The link to the Tumblr conversation: https://lord-kitschener.tumblr.com/post/166465739828/arielenhasarrived-yamino-zohbugg

A conversation I had today wherein I learned that Roberto has been with my friends. 

If your natural communication styles are not compatible with another person, you will likely feel increasingly uncomfortable around them. This discomfort may take many forms. 

I love hugs. And I explore the science and benefits of hugs for YOU!

So, the play we do is awesome, amazing, wonderful, and it is a drug. Well, actually, it’s A LOT of drugs. And some people are more susceptible to these effects than others. They are lightweights when it comes to the feel-goods.