Dating Kinky
By Dating Kinky
Dating KinkyNov 21, 2019
Throwback Thursday: Unsolicited Dick Pics, A Look Back
The ULTIMATE Response To An Unsolicited Dick Pic! (Video)
Share your dick drawings with us at: https://datingkinky.com/drawdicks
No shortage of change!
Just a quick update to let you know what's going on here at Dating Kinky. *smiles*
Reach us at cs@datingkinky.com
Porch monkeys, maroons, and being cheap: racism and language, in three vignettes.
How I have learned more about racism through my experience of language as a white child and as a woman.
The chasm between desires and behaviors—or how we can be both right and wrong at the same time.
Is it possible that people don't realize that their actions don't align with what they are working so hard towards?
Of course it is.
We are never ready.
We are never "ready" for all that we do. We might be prepared, but ready?
Nope.
Find the transcript for this episode here.
“You’re hot.” “No, thank you.” “F you.” (A customer service parable.)
It's the waiter rule. How people treat service people matters.
"Well, then just stick it in her a** while she's asleep..."
Today is a short ‘cast about the curse of knowledge, deformation, misunderstandings and apologies.
I'm a little...different in how I think.
Setting and maintaining boundaries: for submissives.
Because submissives could often find themselves giving everyone else what fills those people up, while starving themselves.
Understand Me Now—And that's an order!
Our monthly show with Hardy Brooklyn on Dating Kinky about boundaries and consent
It's against human nature to knowingly make a mistake.
It's against human nature to knowingly making a mistake.
People ALWAYS choose the best path for them at the time. Even when that path is, "I'm going to try this thing and it may not work, but I will at least grow from it."
Manipulation & abuse is not always malevolent.
In fact, I'd postulate that it rarely is. But that doesn’t really matter.
Gambler's Theory: https://study.com/academy/lesson/variable-reinforcement-definition-examples.html
Just what IS an orgasm?
/ˈôrˌɡazəm/
noun
a climax of sexual excitement, characterized by feelings of pleasure centered in the genitals and (in men) experienced as an accompaniment to ejaculation.
Which is both a good place to start and definitely inaccurate—at least for many. Let’s break this down.
Want to be better at love? Get Better at being single!
The people who are most successful as singles are especially likely to end up in happy marriages…let's look at why.
“Poly” as lip service?
People ask me all the time, "How do you spot people who use the idea of polyamory to exploit others/get laid?"
Be more right.
It’s so incredibly easy to be wrong. And no one is ever 100% right.
However, with a little thought about what really matters to us, we can be more right.
I said, "Don't do that again," not "You did wrong."
It's fundamental in communication. Understand the words I say, and why I say them. Don't read more into them than exists.
I don't cry a lot.
A message from Nookie.
The weight of the idea of THE ONE...
THE ONE is a LOT of pressure to put on anyone before you've met them. Even if it's just a possibility.
It’s not who you are. It’s who I see you as.
I mean, we often say things like this in jest, and yet, it's 100% true. We ALL have good qualities, and when we focus on ourselves, we KNOW what those good qualities are, and it's easy to wonder why others don't see those and respond to them.
I can tell you why:
Because you are not communicating those qualities in a way those others can understand AND agree on them.
Find the transcript for this episode here.
On being understood, intuitively...
Studies have shown that those who see love as a perfect unity self-report as being less satisfied with their relationships, and those who believe that sex is some sort of destiny (right person) have less satisfying sex and less satisfied sexual partners, versus those who think that great sex between people comes from learning and getting better together.
SOURCES:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022103114000493#!
https://tspace.library.utoronto.ca/handle/1807/80728
Find the transcript for this episode here.
true VS. Truth
What is true in this moment with the information you have may be be the TRUTH. That does not invalidate your reaction.
Abusive behavior is still abusive—even when they stay.
That's like saying, "Well, they stuck around even after I beat the everlasting fuck out of them (in non-consensual, non-fun ways), so it must be OK to do it."
Using Sex As A Weapon
Using someone's sexual desire for you to manipulate them without consent is crappy behavior.
A model of consent evolution that might help the conversations we're having...
Many times, people coming to something new don't want to have to think deeply or want to LEARN. They want to accomplish a goal.
High Context Consent Vs. Low Context Consent
Walking Away Is A Valid Choice, Always
I always have a choice to take people at face value for ALL that they are, or walk away if I cannot/will not.
Let's talk about TRUST.
What do you mean when you say you trust someone? When you give a referral or vett someone? When you make an introduction, or put your weight behind a person?
A few other links on trust:
Find the transcript for this episode here.
So, You're Masturbating More Now...
In a lot of ways, that's a GOOD thing. After all, it releases stress, helps you sleep better, and a host of other things.
You're Always Being Used For What You Offer
We all do whatever we do because we get something from it. The question is: What do you provide that people want?
Bossy Bottoms & Subdued Submissives
Don’t fall into the trap of believing that a dominant is going to fix everything in your life. Instead, ask: What are you doing to develop who you are as a desirable companion both in and out of your submission?
Settling - Don't Do It!
If you've ever left a relationship that you've been putting 100% into, because you finally realized that you alone aren't enough to make it work...you know.
Don't do that to another person.
Find the transcript for this episode here. Find our webinar replay here.
Why We Fall For The Same ___ Over And Over...
Short answer: Because we benefit from them.
Wait. We benefit from being lied to?
Oh yeah, we do. We LOVE it! As long as we're not lied to too much, or in a way that we can't ignore.
Orgasms & Energy Diffusion—Looking for Feedback
I’m practicing a model I’m writing about on orgasms with you, my audience.
*smiles*
Find the transcript for this episode here. Leave me a voice message here.
Over and Over, I TOLD You
We all have a tendency to see and experience only what we greatly desire or truly fear, but not the slightly tarnished and full-of-character and wonderment and joy reality that actually exists…especially when we are searching for connection.
Playing in Public Consensually
How do you honor your power exchange relationship while in public? Of course, this is an intensely personal thing. There are many ways to show off your dynamic, some are quite subtle, others more overt.
Have a thought you’d like to share? Leave me a voice message!
Find the transcript for this episode here. And more information on my book, FLR, FemDom & Women In Charge here.
What is YOUR Trap?
I wonder about the traps we set for others in our heads. What does it mean to me when I meet a man or a woman or an enby? A submissive or a little or a furry? What does it mean when I call someone sexy or smart?
Find the transcript for this episode here, and more information on my upcoming book on FemDom here.
Potential Pitfalls of Power Exchange in Long-Term Relationships
I was writing a chapter for the FLR, FemDom, and Women In Charge Relationships book coming out in just a few days (yikes!), and I realized that it applies to ALL power exchange relationship dynamics, and I wanted to share it with you.
Find the transcript for this episode here.
Leave me a voice message with feedback, ask an anonymous question, whatever you’d like. Oh, and I MAY use your voice in a future ‘cast if you do. *smiles*
Hunting the Elusive Unicorn, Finding a Minotaur, Bull Procurement & More
Unicorn Hunting is a touchy term in Polyamory circles.
So many single women have gotten burned by couples looking "for a third," and then...well, I'll get to this.
One of the biggest challenges surrounding this topic is, in my view, the communication of it.
Let's Debate: Seducer or Seduced?
Do you prefer being seduced? Or seducing?
Do you see power inherent in one or the other? Do they fit in dominance or submission roles (or other power labels) to you?
What Is The Best Way To Warn Others About A Predator Without Drama?
I find a simple two-step process works best for me. First, I get consent.
What if My Consent is Broken?
When your consent is broken, it hurts, it’s confusing, and sometimes, it’s hard to figure out what to do. Here are a few options to help you.
https://live.internationalkinkywomensday.com
Find the transcript for this episode here, and learn more about my book, So, What Is Kinky, Anyway?
The Sexual Divide: A Rant
As a cis woman, I've ALWAYS known that there is a BIG divide between how most cis men experience sex and orgasm and how I do.
How is it that so many people DON'T?
Knowledge is NOT Necessarily Power
Knowledge is not power. Knowledge is knowledge until you apply it or leverage it.
Shame & Kink, Kink & Shame
Shame is an emotion. And emotions exist to call our attention to things we might need to think about, pay attention to, or fix. So, if you’re feeling shame about your kink, dive into it, and ask yourself some questions.
Find the transcript here and learn more about So, What Is Kinky, Anyway?
My Personal Unpopular Theory of Responsibility
If I take 100% responsibility, that does not stop someone else from doing the same.
Why Isn't It Normal To Like The People We Love? #Rant
It seems like not liking the people we love is trendy and cool right now, which seems to be the opposite of what it should be.
The link to the Tumblr conversation: https://lord-kitschener.tumblr.com/post/166465739828/arielenhasarrived-yamino-zohbugg
Roberto Gets Around, For Good Reason
A conversation I had today wherein I learned that Roberto has been with my friends.
How much does body language help/hinder communication?
A sneak peek at my communication book as I write it this week.
Communication Is Too THE MOST IMPORTANT Part Of A Relationship
If your natural communication styles are not compatible with another person, you will likely feel increasingly uncomfortable around them. This discomfort may take many forms.
Hi, I’m Nookie, And I’m A Hug-aholic (And I LOVE Science-y Shit)!
I love hugs. And I explore the science and benefits of hugs for YOU!
Find the transcript here. Learn more about International Kinky Women's Day here.
Subspace & Lightweights & Consenting When We Shouldn't
So, the play we do is awesome, amazing, wonderful, and it is a drug. Well, actually, it’s A LOT of drugs. And some people are more susceptible to these effects than others. They are lightweights when it comes to the feel-goods.
Find the transcript and learn more about my new book So, What is Kinky, Anyway? here.