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Fetch A Pail

Fetch A Pail

By Jackie & Jill
The Fetch A Pail Podcast is hosted by Jackie (Queer, Trans Femme, She/Her) and Jill (Cis, Hetero, Ally, She/Her). We're a bi-weekly friendship podcast about life, culture, and definitely NOT US. Join us for segments like, Queer Qorner, Current Obsession, Cork Board, and Science, Bitch!
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Hotdog Linguine

Fetch A Pail

S3E7: Dingledore
Jill is house sitting for (friend-of-the-show) her brother and his internet is just two snails yelling into tin cans. That means slow. She also has a cardboard cut from a Philadelphia Cream Cheese (not an ad) container on her left thumb as well as a paper cut from a Bank of America (not an ad) credit card envelope on her right index finger both of which transpired in the last 24 hours and yet HERE SHE SITS, typing for your pleasure. Okay for her pleasure because when Jackie texts her later to say the show notes were chef’s kiss it’s going to give her a lot of pride, a sense of accomplishment and a little tickle to the ole shego. See what I did there? We’re all ladies here, right? It doesn’t matter. The show notes are being written before the episode has been reviewed or edited because it’s taking 5 ever to download the audio and it’s already been over a week since the episode was recorded! Get over it!! Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
September 09, 2022
S3E6: 540 Nose Grind Kickflip
The one where Jill learns that “kickflip” is one word and not two. Jackie catches us up on the twists and turns of her dating life and Jill can only relate everything to an episode of Star Trek but tbh that’s growth for her because she used to relate everything to an episode of Friends (stares at the first sentence of these notes). Yes she knows that Friends is problematic (we’re looking at you Fat Monica) it’s called cognitive dissonance, people! Jackie hits the jack(ie)pot at Groce Out whilst Jill avoids the grocery store like the plague, ya know because of how there is one and no one cares anymore? Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
August 28, 2022
S3E5: Bears Aren't Real
On this shorty Jackie takes her sweet time getting to the good stuff, Jill rebrands Science, Bitch! and both of your hosts make a lot of jokes about official pinball points (WPPRs - pronounced "whoppers") being different kinds of candy and/or fast food items. Short ep, short notes! Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
August 16, 2022
S3E4: Mono-Mites
Welp, I wrote the show notes but don't know how to use a Mac Book and accidentally went back instead of scrolling down and then the notes were gone and along with them my willingness to write any! Okay I'll try just a little. Join us this week for Jill's tales of nasty animal business as well as yucky Starby's bevs but more importantly for a personal Queer Qorner from Jackie with juicy juicers about her current dating sitch. THIS PODCAST IS NOT ABOUT US. #prayforkaren Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
August 03, 2022
S3E3: A Ji-Ackie Weekend
Jackie made a post on our Instagram (she was very active for about 30 hours and then forgot it existed probably) and said in the caption that the next episode would be recorded in person! That maybe wasn't a lie when she said it, but we certainly did very few of the things we planned to do when she came to visit. Jackie and Jill hung out IRL in their hometown of Bremerton, WA - don't doxx us!! And spoiler alert: JACKIE HAD FUN. Going home can do many things for people, many of us enjoy going home - some of us even live there right now and aren't mad about it. For others it brings the dreary weary sad bads and after years of experiencing the latter Jackie actually enjoyed a trip to B-Town! Which is the best news because all the greatest people live here said the unbiased writer of the show notes. Anyway I'm tired of typing so listen to the show already! Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
July 19, 2022
S3E2: Pills for My Nervitus
Jackie is traveling out of county to rob locals of their pinball trophies while Jill remains steadfast in her commitment to do nothing and go nowhere. This episode your gals are obsessed with many forms of media and putting all kinds of delicious things inside them. Jackie is still mad at Jill for correcting her pronunciation of “Andouille” so she’s putting Jill back in her place as the pleb she is by bringing it with the music and art recs. Jill counters with mention of a French salad and makes up some ground. It’s a tight race and the only way to know who comes out on top is to listen to every episode of Fetch a Pail AND to tell all your friends to do the same! DJO Eleanor Rykener Jill’s Salad Nicoise Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
July 05, 2022
S3E1: We Came Back!
Jackie and Jill are Back(y) and Still… talking about stuff! After a relaxing and productive half year hiatus Fetch a Pail is back with new episodes, hopefully a few of you never got around to unsubscribing and are very excited to see us? We recorded this episode 2 days before the Supreme Court (of the US) officially overturned Roe v Wade leaving it up to the states to decide whether or not safe abortions will be legal and available - spoiler alert a bunch of states immediately enacted restrictions, criminal penalties and outright bans. Our hearts break for every person with a uterus in these states who are no longer federally protected and we are grateful to live in Washington and California, both of which have our backs (at least for now). Everything feels heavy today, and though we’ve joked a lot about the dystopian hellscape we are living in over the last few years it seems like every day that passes it is less of a dramatization and more of a literal fact about our reality. We’re not sure if it’s good or correct to post a frivolous episode of a silly time podcast today, but we started this podcasts in the depths of lockdown, Trump’s America and early waves of the deadlier stages of the pandemic and we continue to believe people deserve nice things and joy especially in times like these so we hope you agree and enjoy the escape. With love and solidarity
June 24, 2022
S3E0.5: Oops! All Intros
And we're baaack! After a VERY long hiatus, Jackie and Jill are back and excited to catch up with you! We've compiled all of our hilarious intros from Seasons 1&2 as a teaser episode for the upcoming 3rd season of Fetch A Pail. So prepare your ear balls for half an hour of nonsense and keep an eye out for our new episodes soon! Email questions to Follow us on Instagram:
June 16, 2022
S2E6: Jill's Birthday Episode!
Bwehhh-bweh-bweh-bwehh!! JILL’S BDAY EPISODE! Jackie has had an amazing couple of weeks once again and nothing terrible happened to any of her windshields when it was raining. Jill actually did have an amazing birthday weekend and maybe had a nice time before that too but tends to not remember well more than 3-4 days in the past. Catch up with us and then stick around for the Cork Bork, Queer Qorner, a listener powered FAP Check, all of the other segments (we don’t skip any anymore!!) and a very special game that was truly one of the best gifts Jill has ever received. Don’t forget to email your questions to us and if you’re listening on Spotify send us a voice memo or ask us a question there! Email questions to Follow us on Instagram:
December 16, 2021
S2E5: Bad Bond Brosnan
Wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo NEW FORMAT ALERT! It’s mostly all the same old s-h-i-t that you know (and we assume love) but there’s even more of it! New segments, new takes on old segments, YOU NAME IT! Actually we named it. Or them I guess. Anyway it turns out after 2 weeks your fav cutie pie hosty babes have lots to catch up on and one or more of them may have watched too many movies. Cakes were both made and thrown out, dips were both made and eaten and then both of those over again! Jackie teaches Jill at least 2 new phrases and Jill gets no less than 1 of Jackie’s Tik-Tok references. So, that’s pretty impressive I think. Email questions to Follow us on Instagram:
December 03, 2021
S2E4: I Put That Inside Me
In lieu of witty and delightful show notes, please enjoy this lil bit of business. Here at Fetch a Pail we are all about ch-ch-ch-changes! First change to report is that we will be a Bi-Weekly Friendship podcast from now on. Every other Thursday we will be coming at ya with a familiar, but (hopefully) elevated format and some new/improved segments! The first year of Podcasting during the pandemic was largely during quarantine and down time which isn’t exactly what life is like anymore so we hope that the new schedule will be more conducive to our gal about town lifestyles. Anyway this episode is not elevated and only has a little bit of new stuff but it’s fun and great and you’re gonna love it probably! Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
November 18, 2021
S2E3: Sham2: Rude Orca
Episode 50! This was meant to be a shorty aka Speed Run because Jackie had better things to do but we ended up talking so much that even though we skipped several segments it’s actually just a regular length episode, not our PB. That’s a speedrunner term, I am very cool for knowing it. Jackie has been pro being perceived this week and Jill had an… experience at the doctor that you’re probably gonna wanna know about. We have a great listener question and a fun new segment where we get to help Jackie with her OK Cupes profile! Plus a genuinely upsetting FAP Check and a Quick Queer Qorner. You can listen to Fetch A Pail wherever you get your podcasts, but if you listen on Spotify you can participate in some weekly questions AND soon will be able to upload voice messages for us! That’s some fancy future shit. Jackie’s FFS GoFundMe Jackie's FFS & Recovery Fund Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
November 04, 2021
S2E2: Jackie's Birthday Episode!
Wow we actually recorded on time 2 weeks in a row, it’s almost like we are professional podcasters! Episode 2 of Season 2 is a very special episode indeed because we recorded it on JACKIE'S BIRTHDAY! Do you know Jackie as well as Jill does? Play along with the special birthday quiz and give yourself however many points you feel like because no one will be there to hold you accountable to the truth! No science this week and a lot of Jackie judging Jill’s media consumption but that’s normal. Maybe we should rename the podcast to Jackie Judging Jill. Fetch a Pail of Jackie’s judgments and dump them on Jill’s head like that movie with the scary prom lady. Happy Halloween week! Jackie’s fav song right now Rebecca Black video bbno$ & Rebecca Black - yoga (Official Video) Jackie’s FFS GoFundMe Jackie's FFS & Recovery Fund Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
October 28, 2021
S2E1: Dancey Time Club Town
Episode 48 aka Season 2 Episode 1: The Comeback! That’s actually not what the episode is called but it is what we did. After a somewhat unplanned and certainly unannounced hiatus from recording Jackie and Jill return to the mics to catch you up on the latest! You ready for your favorite segments? I hope not because we skipped most of them. You tryin to laugh once or twice and feel warm and fuzzy in your heart and maybe your downstairs business? Well you are in luck because one of those things could theoretically happen! Tune in most Thursdays for the next however long we feel like to experience the twists, turns, joys and disappointments of Fetch A Pail Season 2. The critics are raving with reviews like: “It’s almost as good as the first one” and “I forgot this podcast existed!” Jackie’s FFS GoFundMe Jackie's FFS & Recovery Fund Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
October 21, 2021
Noise Monsters
To gain access to the show notes for this episode, please make a donation below. -Jackie   Jackie’s FFS GoFundMe Jackie's FFS & Recovery Fund   Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
September 03, 2021
Solid Brick Of Substance
Lil shorty action comin at ya this week, but what we lack in run time we make up for in actually good content so you’re welcome! Jackie is living her best basic b word life via the Starby’s PSL and Jill is trying to do more hobbies and succeeding medium-ly. Your gals ponder if the success of PSL is contingent upon its novelty, or if it would be more profitable to offer it year round. Same question regarding other LTOs at popular fast food type restaurants. No Science or FAP Check this week but we’ve got a wonderful Queer Qorner, Obsessions and a little Whatchya Watchin action. Short ep = short notes aka shnotes
August 27, 2021
We recorded 2 days later than usual because on Tuesday at noon Jill was certain she was going to feel amazing after work and go to the hardware store and go grocery shopping. Instead she and her boyfriend both got migraines and she laid in bed and watched Real Housewives of Salt Lake City for 7 hours but she didn’t talk about it on the episode because Jackie is very rude about reality television shows. Anyway something exploded in Jackie’s caiylf and on the Bay Bridge which made for a real astrology is somehow to blame for this bad luck type of day. Despite this Jackie is in good spirits and has been doing well (that’s our fav) and despite things being basically fine for Jill she still found plenty to complain about (classic!) The second half of the show is packed full of (most of) the best segments including actual questions from REAL listeners! Shout out to Melanie and Nardo, you da real mvps.    Jackie’s FFS GoFundMe    Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
August 24, 2021
Trash Gifts
Well, Jill’s back from vacation and she’s just as sleepy and cranky as ever after several mishaps including but not limited to bad times sleeping while camping. Jackie thinks Jill should just be better at camping, and to be fair she is not wrong. Jackie has mostly been getting ready for her upcoming surgery, but she’s also been talking to BOYS on the INTERNET! No Science this week but we got a great question from a real person who definitely listens to the show, although no one wrote in with names for Jill’s vagina… Anyway we have plenty of Obsessions, Queer Qorner and movies to make up for it!   Jackie’s FFS GoFundMe    Scary Music Video The Woman Inside - The Golden Tree directed by Bart Hess   Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
August 17, 2021
This low energy ep is brought to you by a harrowing day of laser hair removal followed by a big beer and a tummy load of sushi. Tummy load sounds like a poop thing or a mouth sex thing, but it just means enough food to fill your tummy so get your head out the gutter already! Anyway the sleepy vibe is co-sponsored by Jill’s tumble down the hill (wow I see what you did there) when she was attempting to be a good grown up and do terrible chores that she hates. Okay that’s it the notes are over now.    **No new episode next week, Jill is on vacation and will be out of town so Jackie’s taking the week off as well. Next episode should drop August 12th-ish.   Jackie’s FFS GoFundMe    Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
July 30, 2021
Strap in folks, this is a fast paced ride and there will be no slowing down and no stopping, not even if you have to pee real bad so empty them bladders and hop on! (That’s what I said to your moms last night ohhhhhhhh!!) Okay you can pause it if it’s urgent don’t just not pee because I said so. Anyway this episode is a lil shorty because Jackie and Jill have had good but also very busy weeks which is pretty par for the course lately (see the last few episodes where you learn that Jill is really into Mario Golf right now so that turn of phrase is apropos). We hope you have as much fun with it as we did and we also hope you have a bunch of disposable income, some of which you might like to share with our friend Jackie so she can more safely and comfortably recover from her procedure in September. If you’re broke like Jill is, don’t fret! Just subscribe to the ole podcast and maybe share the GoFundMe link if you want to. Either way, thanks for bein’ here and thanks for bein’ a friend! Jackie’s FFS GoFundMe Placeholder for other link I forgot Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
July 22, 2021
Sharp Water
Last week Jill was mostly down for the count but still manages to talk about all the nothing she did for at least several minutes. Jackie is busy planning for her big surgery and trip to visit friends at the end of the summer but at least she doesn’t have to deal with that high maintenance dog anymore! This week’s listener question has us laughing our ASSES off (do you get it? Oh probably not yet because you haven’t listened to it. It’ll make sense, it’s a great joke) and Jackie comes at us with the Science! Plus a teenie tiny FAP Check, a couple FAP Check express(es?), Obsessies, Queer Qorner and Movies!    Sohla El-Waylly - Succotash Pot Pie   I’m in me mum’s car     Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
July 15, 2021
Schrödinger's Nipple
It’s back to school, b words! After a long (short), relaxing (very busy and somewhat stressful) summer vacation (one week hiatus from recording) your favorite gal pals (two people you listen to sometimes) are back and better than ever (except not better than episodes 32, 35 or 39 - probably). Actually, this episode is really good. There’s some real talk and some feels talk and a very powerful weekly obsession segment (spoiler alert - not Jill’s) that is heavy and important. Jackie has been playing a lot of video games and generally having a swell time doing it whilst Jill has been sweating and crying and generally being a whiny little baby. Don’t worry, she approved that description! Anyway she’s working on it. Enjoy a little extra catchin up plus Cork Bork, FAP Check, Double the Science (double the fun) and Queer Qorner of qourse.    Arielle Twist   Disintegrate/Dissociate (non-Bezos)   Disintegrate/Dissociate (Bezos)   Sexy Beast Trailer (honestly, yikes)   Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
July 09, 2021
Soupes Coumf
Join us for this week’s mystical adventure from Dog Psychics to the life hack of your DREAMS (that involves eggs). Jackie has been a real lucky b word the last couple of weeks and would appreciate some pennies thrown into wishing wells and four leaf clover discoveries on her behalf to avoid the impending changing of tides. Really the only thing you’ll learn about Jill this week is that she’s a real whiny baby when it gets hot. It was only like 79 today and she’s fully wrecked. Something else gets wrecked (Jackie’s b hole) but you’ll have to stick around past the Cork Bork to find out why. Jill finally watched Bo Burnham’s gosh dang Netflix special and only has 36 viewings to go to get on Jackie’s level. The second half is missing some of the usual segments but don’t worry it still slaps. Can you say that about stuff that isn’t songs? I’m gonna! We didn’t have any listener questions this week which is technically your fault but we also forgot to mention the questions email address again so I guess just click the link in the dang show notes already!! Considering the questionable nature of this content, I bet you can think of something *winky face emoji*   Jackie’s Virus   The other Tik-Tok video we explained in detail   ATK Hard “Boiled” Eggs    Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
June 24, 2021
Sometimes an episode really speaks for itself and you don’t even need notes about it. Is this one of those episodes? You tell me. I mean yes, it’s very good and needs no introduction. It’s packed full of all of your favorite segments (except your actual favorite segment we skipped that one this week). Anyway you’re only reading these to get the link to Jackie’s TikTok so without further adieu-   Jackie’s TikTok   Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
June 18, 2021
Barbershop Skydiving
Once again your hosts find themselves trapped and confused in a temporal anomaly and lack the necessary tools to free themselves. After a week of Jackie’s insides falling out her butt she’s back and feeling better than ever! Jill seems to have used her AirPod microphone instead of her studio mic, so that’s not ideal and she is sorry but Jackie’s not worried about it so neither should you be. After catching up on the latest, Jackie proves once and for all that she is the best at answering listener questions (like that was up for debate) and Jill wastes everyone’s time talking about the new season of the Bachelorette. Plus a teenie tiny FAP Check, a personal Queer Qorner, a brief Science, Bitch! that is weirdly specific to one of Jill’s obscure (but not interesting) pastimes. Plus movies and a tinder profile with a twist!   Jackie’s Twitch Channel   Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
June 10, 2021
Little Umbrellas
*ASMR whispers* For this week’s episode, we invite you to light a candle, run a bath or snuggle up by the fire, pour a glass of something warm or bubbly (probably not both, piping hot Dr. Pepper is not recommended) and just lean back and relax. Starting at the top of your head and working your way slowly down your body, untense your muscles and imagine a warm, bright wave radiating through you inch by inch until it reaches your toes. Take a deep breath from your diaphragm, hold it for a moment, and then exhale. Now you’re ready to melt into the soothing sounds of your favorite podcasters on a super chill low energy day. If you came for laughs, you won’t be disappointed, but also you might be. Jill literally had a therapeutic massage a few hours before recording and never quite recovered from the sleepy jelly state where it left her. Also Jackie thinks sleepyjelly™  is a good Instagram handle but don’t take it it’s trademarked now ™ ™ ™ After being released from Poor Prison and then locking herself back up, Jackie introduces us to a brand new segment that even has its own theme song! Plus a listener question, a FAP Check Section, current obsessions AND more.    Amolë   Saint Josie - Inheritance  Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
June 03, 2021
Hotdog Linguine
What. An. Episode. To be honest, it’s a bit of a whirlwind but it felt like in a good way so don’t worry too much about it. Jackie has learned that money CAN buy happiness or at the very least not money can buy not happiness. Or more like not money can by nothing and that’s boring? Jill has been feeling all overwhelmed by things opening up and getting back to semi normal and trying to get her job done and also make and keep plans so she’s taking a mid-week one day-cation and is PUMPED about it. She also forgot to mention it’s her brother and friend of the show Jeff’s birthday tomorrow. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFF all we got you was a surprising and embarrassing transition to the Cork Board! Apparently yelp reviews are dead (RIP RUN) but we have all the best segments left over even if Jill only picked her obsession one second in advance and even if the new segment is more upsetting than funny! Listener emails are on fleek this week (I brought it back for the rhyme don’t @me) and at some point Jackie invents a new word but does not provide the definition so as to force listeners to come back next week. I think that might be entrapment, but I don’t know what entrapment is. Don’t correct me though just let me have this one.   Jackie’s Twitch Channel   Olympic Foraged Crafts (Maker of Jill’s fav herbal tea)   Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
May 20, 2021
Oh crap dang it they recorded on Monday again so everything feels different, plus Jackie is MAD! She says it like how a cute baby would say it but really she actually is pretty mad. *sings to the tune of It’s My Party by Lesley Gore* You would be too if it happened toooo youuuuuu. We should talk more about that song and how it had a sequel on the same album. Can you even think of any other songs that have sequels? Another time. Jill is doing normal pre-pandemic type things like making plans and then not even cancelling them! Who even is she? This week’s Cork Bork is oh-so-special with an expert guest brought in to compete with Jill in what can only be described as “a game, technically” and to tell us all about his work compiling resources for the LGBTQ+ community in little bb Kitsap County where Jill lives (and where Jackie grew up). On the back nine (that’s what Jill just decided to call the part of the show after the Cork Board, it’s a golf reference - keep up!) Jackie learns something brand new and definitely super endearing about his co-host of 6 months and friend of more than 15 years. It might not be the best episode ever (it’s well documented that #32 holds that title) but it’s honestly very good. If you agree, slap 5 stars on us - won’t you?   Nils’ LGBTQ+ Non-Prof info   F9 Trailer 2   How Did This Get Made breakdown of F9 Trailer 2   Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
May 13, 2021
Maj Groan
If you’re looking for the perfect podcast episode, look no further… than last week’s episode. If you’re looking for something pretty good that you haven’t listened to yet, then you’ve found it! Jackie ate nice food and drank nice drinks and now she remembers that is an expensive thing to do. Jill let other people cook for her because she still doesn’t believe in spending money. Something confusing happened and Jackie isn’t obsessed with anything and Jill is obsessed with everything now I guess. This week Jill managed to connect with the listeners via Instagram and proved definitively that she’s allowed to do whatever she wants when recording videos of herself including but not limited to gazing directly into the camera. Obsessions is a little sciency, Queer Qorner and FAP Check exist, albeit briefly, and Jill is getting really good at Yelp reviews. At some point Jackie and Jill become sisters and unrelatedly try to high five via two separate video recordings. Is that a cool thing to do?   That guy from that boy band’s new video:   Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
May 06, 2021
She Shoes
Happy Thursday, lovely listeners! What are our listeners even called...Fappers? Lol good one, Jill. Jackie and Jill are both in good spirits this week after very successful (though wildly different)  weekend activities. Jackie debuts she/her as a new pronoun option and despite her best efforts remains firmly un-cancelled. Jill put in a few extra hours for the man and also worked overtime this weekend. Somehow that’s supposed to be a joke about her brother being “the man” because she babysat her nephew but whomever is writing this couldn’t figure out quite how to execute that attempt and is leaving you with this wordy explanation instead. Who would do that? Jill learns a new word (trepanning) and gives a fragmented and some might say incoherent report on it for Science, Bitch! even though she literally read about it for a full hour and had comprehensive notes. Queer Qorner is Quick because white people get enough press as it is and Jackie comes through with the assist after Jill leaves a very important FAP in the bag during the FAP Check. Plus, obsessions! Movies! And other stuff!   Article written by the woman who had a voluntary trepanation performed in 1996   Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
April 29, 2021
Napwell TM
This week Jill tries to say that she’s pretty nice gal number one when everyone knows if there were assigned numbers Jackie would be #1. Jackie has so much fun news about big and little changes and just general merriment. Jill enjoyed a lovely little birthday get together for mom and friend of the show Allisa Ner and then also had a bunch of moody sad girl moments which made her question her hormonal birth control choices. Speaking of questionable choices Cork Bork presents us with a real head scratcher of a listener question. Jill is just obsessed with Jackie this week and Jackie is obsessed with a BOOK! We don’t believe in science anymore and Jackie definitely didn’t watch a movie, but we’ve got some FAPs to check and reviews to… well, review I guess. You’re gonna love it!   Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
April 22, 2021
Episode 30 of Fetch a Pail, or Episode 1 of Two Pretty Nice Gals?! That doesn’t make sense to you? Oops better download and listen to this episode. Maybe listen to it twice! Just for fun. One time for each gal? Anyway, Jill got the vaccine and is en route to maximum immunity which is coincidentally her new superhero name. Her friends call her Max now. Jackie’s friends, however, call them Spathe. It’s a full lineup this week with Cork Bork listener Mail, Science Bitch Express, Current Obsessions, Queer Qorner and three other things which seems like a lot but it’s the normal amount. Welcome to all our new listeners and to all the old timers - thanks for stickin around!   Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
April 15, 2021
One Lump Of Charpane
Show notes are short this week because someone is a poor planner (spoiler alert it ain’t Jackie, they are an amazing planner as mentioned in this episode probably). Anyway I’m calling them Showrt Notes. This week’s episode has a lot of fun jokes, and a few more serious moments. As Allisa Ner would say, “We laughed, we cried, we’re emotionally spent.” We hope you enjoy the ride! If you like us, maybe give us 5 stars! And tell your friends about us, we want to make them laugh too. Homemade Mayo Tuna Melt Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
April 08, 2021
Bucky And The Bird
Holy downloads, Batman! Thank you for dedicating some of the storage on your mobile devices to us  TWO THOUSAND TIMES!!! We’re not worthy *Wayne’s World bow* Actually, we are worthy! Keep the bow but scratch the insincere humbleness, we think we’re awesome and we are grateful that you seem to agree
April 01, 2021
Weep If The Tears Will Come
The show notes writer has a migraine so instead of the amazing, hilarious and insightful pre-recap… precap? to which you’ve become accustomed, you’re going to get a short essay about Season 6 of Love Island UK. First of all, Shaughna - you’re a fierce bitch and you can do better than Callum. Secondly, why are there so many Scaffolders in ye ole England? Somehow this show is simultaneously the trashiest nonsense I’ve ever seen AND like sweet and genuine and ha- okay well I was rudely interrupted by the ghost of Abe Lincoln so I just want to congratulate Paige and Finn for being an official boyf/girlf sitch (I’m on episode 24 of 36 so don’t tell me if they break up I can’t handle it right now) and with that I’m going to bed.   Just listen to this episode because it is very good and it is not about Love Island!   Love Always, Jill   Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
March 25, 2021
The New Zealand Hotdog Award
First of all we’d like to say thanks to our “sponsor” 24 Hour Fitness for freezing Jackie’s membership and giving them all the months they purchased now that gyms are open again. Also, YOU’RE WELCOME to our sponsor for their thousands of new members as soon as this episode drops. Jill did the opposite of going to the gym which is apparently watching The Godzilla: The King of The Monsters or whatever it’s called, ya know the one with the very rude 3-headed dragon. Jackie tries to out-science the science bitch herself and, well frankly, succeeds. Jill better step her shit up or she’s gonna lose her title. It comes with one of those big gold belts like when wrestlers win… well titles I guess. But it has a picture of like a test tube and a beaker embossed on it and maybe like an explosion in the background BANG! She would prefer to keep the belt!! Jackie asks Jill a very thoughtful baking question, plus Queer Qorner, Review Stars, FAP Check and Current Obsesh’s of course.   Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
March 18, 2021
Horny For Cheese
It’s the Quarter Quell, bitches! Or maybe a less murdery reference to something that happens every 25 years (episodes). We can finally rent a car!!! Is that better? Anyway, wow what a wild ride. Episode 25 features a sober Jackie who always says every word and phrase correctly on the first try, and an emotionally stable Jill who talks about a science thing and then is thinking “...wait, was that even science? What does buying clothes have to do with science?” for the whole rest of the episode and then realizes while she’s writing the show notes that it’s about the environmental impact of fast fashion which definitely IS science but she also definitely did NOT  say any of that during the segment. Anyway we hear the jury’s still out on science (an Arrested Development reference that feels less funny now because people actually seem to not think science is a thing or important or real) and the jury is definitely still out on Daylight Saving(s) Time. Does that tell you what the episode is about? Okay, byeeeee!   Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
March 11, 2021
Ends Meat
Another week of technical difficulties that Jill was about to blame on Mercury’s backwards ass but it turns out Retrograde ended on 2/20 so what’s our dang excuse?! Anyway after last week’s lost episode Jackie and Jill were very careful and even recorded backups! Then our audio recorder did weird robot things to Jackie’s track and their backup failed so we are sorry for the audio quality which is not up to our usual standard but we are thankful that we at least have a show for you this week and hope it doesn’t detract too much because this was a fun one! Jackie is mad at everyone but Jill and doesn’t mind because they solo vibin these days. Jill is an emotional (and physical tbh) wreck but since talking to Jackie is her fav you can barely even tell. Stick around til after the Cork Bork to hear Queer Qorner, Current Obsessions, FAP check and the return of Pseudo-Science, Bitch! Actually the astrology comes early, but it’s fine - you don’t care.   Leggings Review Photo Email questions to Follow us on Twitter: Follow us on Instagram:
March 04, 2021
Water Pockets
This week’s episode was recorded in a different space time once again and your hosts are feelin it. And tastin it. It tastes orange. Anyway, Jackie talks about a questionably executed redecorating project and Jill can barely handle the stress of it, but snitches get stitches so she’s cool, she swears! The FAP check prompts another sport cut length tangent about fake nails and takes us right on in to Queer Qorner, Pseudo-Science, Bitch! and 5M to name a few. Plus Yelp Stars and Current Obsessions to name them all.   This American Life - What Lies Beneath Email questions to Find us on Twitter: Find us on Instagram:
February 17, 2021
This week Jackie decides brownies are out and boozy strawberries dipped in a buncha candy are in. Also Walgreens Pizzas are out and Sprouts are back in. Jill reminisces about the simpler times when people (her parents) just did stuff for her so she could have fun. The Boomers asked, and Jackie answers - what’s the scoop with POS? A complete stranger who definitely does not share a bed with either of the hosts sends in a great question and really all you need to know about it is fish. Also Queer Qorner, a FAP check that might as well be sponsored by the Wachowskis and the return of Jackie’s new favorite segment: Pseudo-Science, Bitch! Plus other segments, probably! Santana’s Podcast Episode Email questions to Find us on Twitter: Find us on Instagram:
February 10, 2021
The Candle Clause
This show has everything! Jokes, games, penis smells. Even puzzles! It’s the hottest podcast on the West Coast. Super exclusive known only to an elite few, whisper about it to your coolest friends and you MIGHT get on the guest list. Slide into thine DMs for VIP treatment. Anyway Jackie had a good week as they are wont to do and Jill really forked up her weekend plans even though they didn’t even require her to leave the house. This episode is jam packed with all the best noise including QQ, MMM and a lil twist on S, B! Also featuring the delightful, talented and utterly luminous special guest Madison from Candle The Truth! Follow Madison’s candle memes here: Watch and Subscribe to Madison’s candle reviews here: Help Madison learn how to TikTok here: Identity: A Trans Coming Out Story | Philosophy Tube Email questions to Find us on Twitter: Find us on Instagram:
February 04, 2021
Quality Qualm Quelling
Jackie is drinking again and Jill has thrown caution to the wind and is adding stomach ache and diarrhea to her list of today’s ailments in pursuit of true happiness (aka a chocolate milkshake). One could argue true happiness is also why Jackie is drinking again. All in all both ya hosts had a good week and ate good food and enjoyed their very different lifestyles. Also, these bitches PREPARED for this show. You want Queer Qorner? You want Qork Borq? You want to know about Obsessions? You want Science, Bitch?! You don’t have to choose. We did ‘em all.    Candle the Truth (Candle Reviews)   Angel Haze - Weight   Lyra Pramuk - Fountains   Email questions to Find us on Twitter: Find us on Instagram:
January 27, 2021
Butthole Willies
This week Jackie and Jill both feel pretty...meh. But that’s fine and normal and ya know what? They help each other turn shit around because *sings* that’s what friends are fooooorrrr. Jackie pulls another fast one on Jill with a surprise guest and a very rude and diffucult game that no one likes. Jill outs herself as “not really a pet person” (don’t @ her!) and Jackie introduces a new segment that the mystery show notes writer has decided to call M3 for short. Something about Movies. It’s possible that they can’t remember exactly what it was called. It’s new, okay?! All this plus Queer Qorner, Current Obsessions and a willies inducing Science, Bitch!  Supernova trailer Willys Wonderland Ask us anything! Even if it’s silly! Email questions to   Find us on Twitter: Find us on Instagram:
January 21, 2021
Wow episode 18. Our show just turned old enough to buy porno mags. I mean vote! If episodes were the same as years. Anyway time flies when you’re trying to maintain a normal and happy life in a dystopian hellscape. This week Jackie made some home furnishing upgrades and enjoyed the new spoils with their best gals. Jill made a delicious-ass cake (not to be confused with a delicious ass-cake) for her BFF Hillary’s birthday and sang sober karaoke in her living room. It counts!! This jam-packed episode has all your fav spots including a FAP Check through the ages where Jill painstakingly tries to explain Star Trek lore to Jackie who is at best nonplussed by the whole situation. Additionally, Current Obsessions, Queer Qorner and Science, B! Ask us anything! Even if it’s silly! Email questions to Find us on Twitter: Find us on Instagram:
January 13, 2021
The Blachelor
To kick off 2021 Jackie and Jill watched Ratatouille: The TikTok Musical and despite the fact that there’s no way for the listeners to watch it they talk about it at great length. Jill gets lost in Nerdsville talking about The Expanse and Jackie has a new favorite white wine… we think. It’s hard to say for sure. Jill talks about the Bachelor during current obsessions but forgets to mention that she has a WHOLE OTHER PODCAST ABOUT IT so all of those links are in the show notes (aka this that you’re reading right now). Jackie gushes about their new musical obsession and presents Queer Qorner with a twist. No Science, Bitch! or FAP Check this week, but as usual enjoy Cork Bork and the Review Star Guessing Game or whatever the fuck.   Patricia Taxxon SUPPORT TRANS ARTISTS!   Life’s A Bach   Ask us anything! Even if it’s silly! Email questions to   Find us on Twitter: Find us on Instagram:
January 06, 2021
Sorry Sam Smith, You're So Funny
Jackie and Jill both had several days off for Christmas and found themselves feeling very differently about the interruption to their routines. Jill has had enough cookies but could use a few more days off and Jackie can’t get enough goddamn Brussels sprouts and can’t wait to get back to work. Jill drops a single FAP in the FAP Check and while attempting to report on a Celebrity misstep during Queer Qorner Jackie accidentally outs themself as a shitty queer. All Jill wants is to play trivia games so everyone will know how smart she is but instead Jackie just reads funny reviews which is probably more fun for the listeners ugh FINE.    Ask us anything! Email questions to Find us on Twitter: Find us on Instagram:
December 31, 2020
It’s the Holiday Spooktacular!!! Wait, that doesn’t seem right. Anyway, this festive ass episode is extra long and extra good so sit back and enjoy! (That’s what she said?) Jackie has been giving and receiving Christmas cards whilst Jill has been giving and receiving (what some might call an excess of) Christmas cookies. We have a very super extra special Cork Bork wherein a surprise guest appears (to both his surprise and Jill’s) and a game is played and thus all of Jill’s Christmas wishes are coming true. All this plus Current Obsessions, Queer Qorner and a FAP Check for the ages.    From all of us here at Fetch A Pail - HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! Small Town Titians - You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch Ask us anything! Email questions to Find us on Twitter: Find us on Instagram:
December 28, 2020
Jackie And The Bean Lady
Jill turns 34 and literally nothing changes. Birthdays past year 25 don’t really seem to mean anything, but she has a lovely time all the same. Jackie is doing amazing as always because of reasons including but not limited to the healing of their medical grade butt cheek wound. Jill is feeling unsure about the word wound because it looks the same as like if you were to have wound something up like a clock or a toy but she means it like when your flesh is wounded. English isn’t the best. Anyway, join us for a tasty Lil cork bork, the tiniest lil bitchy beaker of science and a more personal than usual Queer Qorner.    Remember to email us questions! Holiday themed if you please Find us on Twitter: Find us on Instagram:
December 17, 2020
Alissa Ner
The universe gets confused and punishes Uggz for Jackie having the audacity to clean their room but don't fret - after another adventure to the vet’s office all parties are on the mend. Jackie FINALLY gets to find out what kind of porn is available at the spermatorium and Jill teaches Jackie about sounding. As Jill writes these notes she realizes maybe her family should stop listening to this podcast. Everyone but Jill has some science to bitch about and “a listener” provides a guest Fap Check that takes your hosts on an emotional roller coaster.    Nog-a-saké Video: Find us on Twitter: Find us on Instagram: Send your questions to
December 10, 2020
Mom Approved OnlyFans
Jack and Jill relive their holiday eating experiences and try to remember what the hell else they did last week. Jill learns about some curious kinks and Jack considers leaving Jill for another cohost on a show with a much better name. This week’s Science, Bitch! gives Jack the willies and promises to do the same for any other mycophobes. Join us for all this plus Queer Qorner, Cork Bork and whatever else stuff there is! Jack lookin hella cute on Insta: Find us on Twitter: Find us on Instagram: Send your questions to
December 02, 2020
Gravy Goddess and Jill talk about their holiday plans (spoiler alert, they’re staying home but making the most of it) and try to tell enough jokes to make everyone forget that the show is supposed to have a format. Jill still can’t remember the name of the PS5 game she keeps trying to talk about (Astro’s Playroom) but it’s not interesting enough for a FAP check so don’t worry about it. Jill accidentally presents this week’s Queer Qorner and Jack picks an email for Cork Bork that poses a question many of our ear viewers (listeners) have (probably) been pondering for weeks…    Ratatouille the Musical   Find us on Twitter: Find us on Instagram: Send your questions to
November 25, 2020
Hot Doc's Sperm Bank
Jack has given up their time travel pills and is struggling through a pile of homeopathic insomnia remedies which will hopefully work eventually! Jill is also tired, but for more boring reasons including but not not limited to working weird hours. Jack shares about a recent highly anticipated appointment and Jill asks questions about it which somehow leads to the title of this episode. Also featuring some lovely listener emails on Cork Bork and a very informative Queer Qorner. Jack’s 2020 Playlist Find us on Twitter: Find us on Instagram: Send your questions to
November 18, 2020
Self Destruct Pillows
After Armageddon was narrowly avoided (probably), Jack tells of their weekend celebratory eating and Jill drools about it. Jill thinks she’s drinking fancy wine but it’s probably just Sweet Berry Wine. A listener question reveals that Jill doesn’t understand how guns work, or what superheroes are. All this plus Queer Qorner, Current Obsessions and even a quick Science, Bitch! Find us on Twitter: Find us on Instagram: Send your questions to
November 13, 2020
The Barometriverse
Jack and Jill are (Cleopatra) comin atchya early this week as we all hunker down and await news of the fate of America, whatever it may be. Jack recounts their Halloween weekend including but not limited to cute costumes and too many mimosas. Jill talks about watching YouTube videos about restoring antique furniture like it’s interesting and Jack politely pretends they agree despite being hungover. Enjoy all this as well as a very special Cork Bork featuring listener and friend of the show Meghan!    Thomas Johnson Antique Furniture Restoration   Photos referenced in today’s episode are on our Instagram! Find us on Twitter: Send your questions to
November 04, 2020
Jambled Eggs
This week your favorite co-hosts have a drink together to celebrate Jack’s birthday and catch up on the latest. They dip their toes into the realm of bummery for a mome here and there but mostly manage to have a good time! Jack shares harrowing tales of suburban malls and Cheddar Bay Biscuits and Jill gets existential AF during Science, Bitch!    The End of The World with Josh Clark Apple: Spotify:   Find us on Twitter: Find us on Instagram: Send your questions to
October 30, 2020
The Poop Spoon
This week Jack & Jill get a late start due to some non electricity related unforeseen circumstances, thankfully all is well but they find themselves a bit bushed on this Friday Jr. Jill reveals yet another ailment which is (shockingly) not hypochondria. Jack loses and gains a bicycle and prepares for their upcoming birthday, which Jill always remembers even without multiple choice. Enjoy all this in addition to your favorite segments like Queer Qorner, Yelp Stars and Science, Bitch!   The Prom Trailer   Uncle Frank Trailer   Find us on Twitter: Send your questions to
October 23, 2020
Duped By The Oreo Prankster
This week Jack & Jill celebrate National Coming Out Day with some exciting news! They also say "Science, Bitch is DEFINITELY a segment" and then forget to include it. Jack reveals the long awaited PAIL acronym and Jill gets some professional insight into her super normal non weird dream about shittin' in a shoe box. Enjoy all this in addition to your favorite segments like Queer Qorner, Cork Bork and Guilty Googling!
October 15, 2020
Vibrating Bonobos
The Fetch A Pail Podcast is hosted by Jack (Queer, Non-Binary, They/Them) and Jill (Cis, Hetero, Ally, She/Her). We're a weekly friendship podcast about life, culture, and definitely NOT US. Join us for segments like, Queer Qorner, Current Obsession, Q&A, and Guilty Googling!
October 08, 2020
Chocolate Fluid On The Spectrum
The Fetch A Pail Podcast is hosted by Jack (Queer, Non-Binary, They/Them) and Jill (Cis, Hetero, Ally, She/Her). We're a weekly friendship podcast about life, culture, and definitely NOT US. Join us for segments like, Queer Qorner, Current Obsession, Q&A, and Guilty Googling!
October 08, 2020
The Other Pilot As Well, Also, Too
The Fetch A Pail Podcast is hosted by Jack (Queer, Non-Binary, They/Them) and Jill (Cis, Hetero, Ally, She/Her). We're a weekly friendship podcast about life, culture, and definitely NOT US. Join us for segments like, Queer Qorner, Current Obsession, Q&A, and Guilty Googling!
October 08, 2020
The Pilot
The Fetch A Pail Podcast is hosted by Jack (Queer, Non-Binary, They/Them) and Jill (Cis, Hetero, Ally, She/Her). We're a weekly friendship podcast about life, culture, and definitely NOT US. Join us for segments like, Queer Qorner, Current Obsession, Q&A, and Guilty Googling!
October 08, 2020