I Got Problems!

Five Black women and girls were killed every day in the United States in 2020, as a national increase in gun violence during the pandemic took a heavy toll on some of the country’s most vulnerable people. In all 1,821 Black women and girls were killed in 2020. That was an additional 461 women and girls who were murdered in 2020 compared with 2019 – more than one additional killing a day. Black women and girls in the US are four times more likely to die by violence than white or Hispanic women. Black female characters are more likely to be shown as violent than white female characters (29.3% compared to 24.6%) and twice as likely to be violent as other female characters of color (14.8%). Is that supposed to be subconsciously saying something? Let's dissect. 

Resources:

Fatphobia is the fear and hatred of fat bodies. “That encompasses a whole bunch of things, namely weight bias and weight stigma, such as the idea we see people of higher body weight as lazy, and unintelligent, or disgusting.” The harmful effects of fatphobia are a constant for people in larger bodies. “It is more intense against women,” and most of the data on the subject is based on the male/female binary. We are more likely to see positive examples of high-weight men than women in the media. So lets discuss, are you fatphobic or...?

Resources:

H2H: Heart 2 Heart Mini Series

Turning 30 is often built up to be a huge landmark. The first big celebration after our ‘coming of age’ (after 18), it can be seen as a marker of how much we’ve achieved in young adulthood. For women especially, it has historically been the point at which we’re pressured to feel it 'all coming together', as that biological clock starts to tick even louder. It’s an age of ambition, promise, achievement and expectation all rolled into one. Do you feel the pressure?

Things to know for anyone turning 30:

• Being in your 30s does NOT mean you're old.
• Your heartbreaks are your best teachers.
• You're about to find your soul group of friends.
• You can loosen up on the timeline of your life and let life sculpt you.
• You will get a wake-up call when someone close to you gets sick or dies.
• You don't have to put up with crap.
• You enjoy your own company.
• You're an adult that others look up to.
• You realize that everyone else is winging it too.

Resources:

In the recent years of Instagram and the contemporary art of stand up, there is a distinct use of black women as the the subject and sometimes foundation of comedy for male comedians. These jokes are not simply jokes, but are loaded with political repercussions and continue to position women as jokes themselves, as less serious, as less of a full human. The jokes are not about the characteristics of black women, black women are the joke.

Resources:

In humans, phenotype examples include earwax type, height, blood type, eye color, freckles, and hair color. And phenotypes aren't just physical traits. Behavior is also considered a phenotype. Research shows that: Although physical attraction is important to young men, with 40% of them considering it ‘essential’ that their partner be ‘good-looking,’ only 18% of men ages 18-25 consider it “essential” that their long-term partner is ‘slender’. The bottom line is that some people care about height and some people don’t, but it is best just to be genuine and put it all out there from the beginning.

Guest Details: Jesse Oldelli **New Music: Godspeed**

About: Music Artist [IG: @jesseoldellimusic]

Resources:

An Ode to Scorpios. 

It's Scorpio season and Sagittarius season follows immediately after. 

Let us break down the comparisons and differences between both signs and what makes them both so lovable and problematic. 

Resources:

Welcome to our pilot mini series called: Heart 2 Heart!

Where we discuss short 15 minute or less personal stories and experiences with problematic issues we have encountered that are very relatable. Please take the poll and answer the questions to get engaged with us. We welcome your opinions and would love to know if these mini series should remain part of our circulation. Take your dog for a quick walk, a quick run to the store or ride to your friend's house listening to this short 'Heart 2 Heart' and enjoy!

Socials: Interact with us!

A disorder in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance. Narcissistic personality disorder is found more commonly in men. The cause is unknown but likely involves a combination of genetic and environmental factors. About 1% of the population suffers from it (and for some reason I happen to run into all of them). Symptoms include: grandiosity, callous and unemotional traits, disregard for others' feelings, excessive need for admiration, or social isolation.

Resources:

The 'token black girl' is a concept with which we’re depressingly all too familiar, and have been for too long now. We are often the representative woman of colour. With that has often come an underlying expectation to be 'the black one' – to live the sassy, loud, eye-rolling, punchline-delivering, surface level stereotypes afforded to the black women we see in the white TV and film world. We understand that the consequence of messing it up is messing it up for everyone who looks like us in the future and that is a heavy burden to carry.

Resources:

Black femicide: @blackfemicideus @blackfemicideamerica

CDC states: Black women experience highest rates of homicide of any racial group in the United States. The overall homicide rate for women was 2 per 100,000 women. When researchers reviewed the statistics for Black women, the homicide rate increased to 4.4 per 100,000 women. African-American women are less likely to contact domestic violence service providers or call police when they’re abused, thus increasing their risk of being killed….African-American women are often fearful of reinforcing racial stereotypes the black community is violent. 

So why does this keep happening? How did we get here and how do we stop?

Resources:

It is a one-sided experience that can leave us feeling pain, grief, and shame. You may think it would be easy to tell if love is unrequited but it isn't always clear and can cause a lot of confusion and emotional turmoil. It can feel like you’re always trying to prove yourself to them. And it feels like you’re never winning. Deep down in your heart, you know you’re trying too hard to love or be friends with someone who doesn’t care to reciprocate. Listen to find out if you have been a victim of unrequited love; you may find yourself nodding in agreement to this whole episode. 

Resources:

Lust is looking at a person and feeling both a strong sexual attraction and a pull toward imaginative details that the relationship could one day possess. Love is a feeling of commitment and adoration for a person that you've put effort into and began to build a life with. It is a feeling backed by action and a desire to grow with and do your best for the person you're with. Lust tends to get a bad rep in most situations but it is part of a healthy relationship in most cases, but lust alone can cause some issues that will be discussed today so let's break it down, which side are you on?

Resources:

'Waiting for your Best Yes' with our Guest: Rob Kowalski. 

Emotionally and mentally, things change, sex is a spiritual ritual. Energy and fluids are exchanged during sexual intercourse and when you get married, the marriage is confirmed with consummation. Only weak people are controlled by sex. Your self esteem should not be based on how many people you can bed. The book 'Why Waiting Works' Is available for free on Rob's website (pay for shipping only) so pick up your copy and read the story of the Stripper turned Christian and hear his reasoning for why waiting for the right person works from BOTH sides.  

Resources for City Fam and Rob's Book: 

There are many people you can choose in your life and get rid of if needed. You can pick your friends, and if there's a problem, you can always choose to part ways. However, you can't pick your family, and you can't leave them if you're a minor, or if they're your only source of living. Sometimes, your family can have qualities that you don't like, and it can be hard to deal with them. Other times, you're unsure whether you live in a toxic family situation or not. Being in a toxic family can be draining and detrimental to a Childs growth and can most times affect and shape a young adults view on future relationships they build.

Resources:

A lot of women who cape for men are usually the ones who are deemed unattractive by the majority of them according to various online articles, thus the need to cater to their messed up viewpoints to get their attention. They are usually negatively competitive, jealous and man-obsessed.

'Staying on code': Support and encourage one another. Be affectionate and create a sisterhood, FOLLOW GIRL CODE (unlike like Portia). Stop being jealous and assuming everyone is a hater. Be open and friendly. Stop giving boyfriends husband benefits and dropping your friends for them (a few examples that may make a woman seem like her life revolves around male attention).

Resources:

Some people propose after 3 months and others propose after 10 years. Is there a reason for the drastic differences for the proposal times outside of preferences or should there be some outspoken timeline everyone should follow socially? When it comes to timings for milestone moments in a relationship, the reality is a couple should go through each step in their relationship progression only when it’s right for them. It all depends on timing in life, emotional availability and readiness.

Resources:

Criticizing bonnets being worn in public is NOT policing Black women. Although bonnets are a part of the culture, they are NOT a part of what makes us Black. But at what point do we have to call out conversations that keep being had about Black women in general? Can Black women just exist?? 

Resources:

The crack epidemic destroyed the black family structure. It took the value away from the man and placed it in the woman’s hands. Black men fell into the traps of fast money and drug addiction, which left their counterparts no choice but to take advantage of government programs that rewarded black women for being single parents. In my eyes, determining the value of black men isn’t tangible. Statistics don’t tell much of the story and listening to rants on social media such as Twitter and Facebook can place misconceptions on black men. As a Black man, your value is determined by you and your family and no one else. What your wife and child need from you is your value. Most importantly, knowing that you are needed, is where your value lies.

Resources:

While 74.3 percent of all White children below the age of 18 live with both parents, only 38.7 percent of African-American minors can say the same. Instead, more than one-third of all Black children in the United States under the age of 18 live with unmarried mothers—compared to 6.5 percent of White children. 57% of millennial parents had at least one child out of wedlock. 64% of millennial moms reported at least one birth out of wedlock and 40% of babies born in the United States were born to an unmarried mom. Let's indulge the various reasons why. 

Resources:

One of the most controversial questions about a relationship between a man and a woman is: can they ever really just be friends? If a man and a woman are friendly enough and like enough things about each other, then why can't they just date? What prevents them from getting romantic with each other? People often assume platonic friendships never succeed, especially if one of you “catches feelings” or misreads certain signals as signs of attraction. Sometimes platonic friendships do shift into romance. 

Resources:

Sometimes these movies and tv shows only highlight the negative Black experiences, and ignore the positive, which then places negative stereotypes on Black people that represent us as subordinates and consistently in pain and suffering. Many TikTok-ers have complained about these movies causing PTSD in the Black community. It also adds to the “White Savior” complex (e.g. Hidden Figures) which elevates the representation of White people who “assist” the black protagonists in these movies be relieved of their troubles and reach their freedom. 

Resources:

Relationships grow better when we understand each other and everyone gives and receives love differently, but with a little insight into these differences, we can be confidently equipped to communicate love well. This is true for all forms of relationship – for married or dating couples, for children and teenagers, for friends and coworkers, for long-distance relationships, for those brand-new loves and for the romances that are older than the hills. But do you practice them? Because relationships work best when partners’ primary love languages align—when individuals predominantly demonstrate their love in ways that their partners appreciate the most or when individuals go out of their way to speak their partner’s primary love language.

Resources:

In a recent study, data showed that BLACK MEN have admitted to cheating more than any other race. ALSO, that most cheating happens after 35 years old. With more people over 65+ admitting to it! The data also shows, most participants grew up in a home without both of their parents and do not attend religious services that often. How is this correlated? Why are Black Men being chastised in the media and in private? 

Do they deserve it? Is is just societal influences? Are Black Men really the weakest link? Let's discuss. 

Resources:

You’re in a relationship, situationship or entanglement. Suddenly, and maybe without any warning at all, your partner seems to have disappeared. No calls, no text messages, no connection made on social media, no responses to any of your messages. Odds are, your partner hasn’t unexpectedly left town because of a family emergency, and isn’t lying dead in a ditch somewhere but, rather, has simply ended the relationship without bothering to explain or even let you know. You’ve been ghosted. 

Socials: Interact with us!

Victim blaming occurs when the victim of a crime or any wrongful act is held entirely or partially at fault for the harm that befell them. The study of victimology seeks to mitigate the prejudice against victims, and the perception that victims are in any way responsible for the actions of offenders. What we attempt to do, when victim blaming, is find a cause or a blame for the event happening which then makes the event somewhat controllable or avoidable and therefore enables us to protect ourselves from it. It suggests that if we think of a reason as to why a rape has been experienced by someone else, we could simply not do that one thing that caused it and we will be safe. The show 'Bridgerton' will also be discussed because a rape scene no one noticed was actually aired. 

Resources:

According to PubMed: It is estimated that autism spectrum disorders (ASD) affect 1 in 500 live births per year. However, due to varying techniques for diagnosis and treatment, the disability remains the subject of debate. African Americans tend to suffer disproportionate rates of disability and disease when compared to other racial and ethnic groups due to access to preventative and curative care. As a result, African American children may require longer and more intensive intervention.

Resources:

Diaspora conflicts usually derive from perceived insults or disrespect from someone from a different ethnic group or nationality towards another group of African descendants from a differing ethnic or national background. Most conflicts are inflamed due to mass generalizations and stereotypes of a negative context applied to varying groups. These conflicts can range from feelings of cultural superiority, feelings of disunity or abandonment, and or feelings of disrespect. Many African Diaspora Conflicts derive from misunderstandings due to cultural perceptions and usage of language. So why are Africans and African Americans still fighting this invisible war? Our enemy is not each other; our enemy is always white supremacy, capitalism, colonialism, and imperialism.

Resources:

When you think about the science behind why it matters if a guy was taller than you or not, there are likely evolutionary reasons women want to be shorter. For the survival of the species, men should be the hunters and women the gatherers. But, it isn’t just about bringing home dinner, it is about protecting their family. For the same evolutionary reason, men tend to like women shorter than them. Wanting to be the stronger sex because that is the way that the genders were designed, men usually seek out shorter women because they have a height advantage over them. It makes them feel more powerful. So does height matter? Only you can answer that question for yourself. If you love someone for who they are on the inside, it makes no difference how tall or short they are.

Resources:

When you meet someone, they usually dont show their true colors for another 2-3 months because all the facade fades after 6-8 dates and you get to see who you might be spending the rest of your time with and if it is worth it. Whether you’re dating someone, adopting a dog or taking a new job, it takes three months to figure out what you’ve gotten yourself into. But do you have to wait that long to know for sure very single time?  According to a CNN article: The first three months of knowing someone is a time of illusions. Instead of seeing the person objectively, you see them for who you want them to be. Your object of desire is laden with fantasies and projections. We think it takes about three months to strip away the layers and start to see this person for who they really are but you might not feel the same. Let's break it down. 

Resources:

Even if you don’t have children, the newness of the relationship wears off after 3 or 4 years together. Typically, this is when sex becomes more routine. “Intimacy breaks down at this stage because couples don’t talk about their sex life,” According to a John Hopkins Article: “Couples aren’t as intentional about connecting with each other as they were earlier in the relationship." Besides the age of a relationship, other factors can lead to less intimacy, too. Career and family pressures can take up your time and kill your energy. Relational resentments can develop over time as well. If you find yourself avoiding sex, you’re not alone: Approximately 1 in 10 women experiences a decrease in her sex drive at some point in her life. Let's break down some ways to please your partner whether you are having an adventurous sex life or a mildly boring one.

Guest details:

Charity Barksdale

CEO of Lavish Seductions L.L.C

IG:  lavish_seductions

What is Church Hurt? The term, refers to the pain sometimes inflicted by religious institution — a pain that distances sufferers from their communities and from God. Every year, about 2.7 million church members drop from church membership. One of the main reasons is attributed I’m leaving as hurt and wounded victims after experiencing some form of abuse, disillusionment, or from feelings of abandonment and neglect. 23% Of Pastors Deal With Mental Illness...and 35% Of Americans Believe Bible Study Cures Mental Illness and that is not entirely true, especially if you are not religious so let's break it down with some facts and personal stories. 

Resources:

Children don't ask to come into the world. No one who has consensual sex is oblivious to how babies are made yet the statistic for single motherhood continue to climb up, especially in the Black community. MGTOW, Red Pill & SYSBM are acronyms for a group of men with mentalities that are anti-feminist, misogynistic, and mostly an online community advocating for men to separate themselves from women and from a society which they believe has been destroyed by feminism. To top it off, Senetor Tom Cotton of Arkansas stated that he wants to increase child support payments to the custodial parent. This led to a lot of men on Twitter (mostly Black) complaining about it being unfair. Let's discuss why this is such a problematic issue. 

Resources:

According to WHO: Female genital mutilation (FGM) involves the partial or total removal of external female genitalia or other injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons. The practice has no health benefits for girls and women; FGM can cause severe bleeding and problems urinating, and later cysts, infections, as well as complications in childbirth and increased risk of newborn deaths. Even though male circumcision is considered by many as a form of genital mutilation, it cannot be evenly compared to FGM due to the heavier negative adverse events associated with FGM. The worst forms of female genital cutting are unquestionably worse than the usual form of Western male circumcision, but the worst forms of male circumcision are also far worse than the lesser forms of female cutting so its a long standing argument we won’t touch on today. Let's break down the history and facts on FGM and why its obviously problematic. 

Resources:

Has the word female replaces a bitch? Is it now derogatory like bitch? Why are so many women against it? Why are so many men not getting it? "Female" as a noun erases the subject—making "female" the subject of the sentence. In the most technical sense, it's correct, but by employing this word that is usually an adjective as a noun, you're reducing her whole personhood to the confines of that adjective. It's calling someone "a white" instead of a white person, or "a black" instead of a black person, and so on. "When you refer to a woman as a female, you're ignoring the fact that she is a female human, not an animal." But are we thinking too deep about this word? Let's ask our guest. 

Resources:

There is this mentality that when a man buys you a drink at the club, takes you on a date, or flies you out of state/country on a trip - sex is owed as a form of gratification or an unspoken payment from the woman in heterosexual relationships. Is this a mentality that a lot of men actually share or is this societal standards that's falsified and overhyped? Why do so many women complain about the pressure to have sex when a man pays for anything and why do so many men pressure women for sex or some type of sexual activity once they spend a little of money on a woman?

If all you date are women/men the shade of paperbags and women/men under 160 pounds, with no variety or history or attempt at even trying something outside of that box, can you still call that a simple preference of is it plain discriminatory? Being plus-sized creates an unwelcoming environment that reinforces the idea that bodies that don’t meet certain standards are undesirable. This issue can even extend to people with disabilities and how they may be treated when dating and in other institutions. So when does one cross the line from having a preference over into discrimination against everything and everyone else that does not fit within your box?

Resources:

Urban Dictionary definition of Thot: It can stand for 'That Hoe Over There'; "A thot is usually active on social media especially instagram and Snapchat (and now only fans). On instagram she can be found in pictures of her in the dog filter and is usually half naked. On Snapchat she is most likely posting videos of her obnoxiously lip syncing to rap songs, while playing with her hair, thinking she looks like Kylie Jenner." These type of definitions have been associated with women who have chosen to publicly embrace their sexuality which makes them vulnerable to judgements and maltreatments, meanwhile these same actions exhibited have been welcomed in the hip-hop community amongst male rappers without much pushback. Let's touch on the double standards real quick and dissect some raunchy lyrics. 

Resources:

Acting White is one of the most negative accusations one Black adolescent can hurl at another. Embedded in ethnic/racial identity (ERI), acting White has nothing to do with wanting to be White and everything to do with what does it mean to be Black. This unknowingly is labeling Black vernacular as ghetto, unrefined and improper while labeling proper and clear English as cleaner, good and more acceptable. In popular culture, it is largely misunderstood, and thought of as "bad English," "ebonics" (originally coined in 1973 by someone with good intentions, from "ebony" and "phonics," but now starting to become a slur), "ghetto talk" (definitely a slur), and the "blaccent”. It's time to break the stereotype that sounding proper or speaking clearly is sounding "White."

Resources: