Modern Renegades is a podcast for those of you who are not interested in playing it safe and are ready to question everything you've been taught. Each week we will explore tools and concepts that inspire us to ask, seek and feel. Your mind will open up to new ideas and beliefs that are not for the norm: They are for the Modern Renegade. They are for you.
Today I open up with how I’m trying to be compassionate and patient with my kids during this time around the coronavirus and how witnessing their minds see their worlds shrink in front of them while their questions around ‘what does this mean for my future?’ and ‘what’s next?’ grow with the uncertainty. And how these questions and reactions are no different than the ones coming from us, the adults.
It’s a welcomed reminder that I can practice this same patience and compassion for myself and others. I can have grace. I can let us all be human.
I do make it a point to say, we have a choice to look at this and remain positive, but I’m not going to recommend feeling good or positive. Instead I share with you the tools on how to lean into what you are feeling. Today’s episode is about how to become aware of what you’re feeling and how to process it. Part of the process is getting friendly, even intimate with the emotions and allowing them, Renegades.
I talk about my personal experience of resistance in surrendering to the grief I was feeling around becoming an empty nester as well as how I channeled my fear last week into being productive.
We are all experiencing similar thoughts and feelings right now; fear, guilt for going out, confusion, uncertainty.
It’s okay to feel those things. To lean into that discomfort.
You don’t have to resist or avoid feeling. And you definitely don’t need to beat yourself or judge yourself feeling the way you do.
I will give you a few tips on how to identify and allow your feelings - if you’re not sure what your feeling is ask Alexa for a list of emotions 🤣 no but seriously, I’ve noticed my friends and I are all pretty limited with the the words we use to describe our emotions. I’m trying to expand my emotional vocabulary… but I digress. Tune in and turn on today - I will give you solid focused steps on how to process your emotions and when you’re ready, create new ones.
The beauty of the human brain is that you can experience processing your emotions and still move forward- you only need to pay attention and manage your minds.
This is how we evolve. This is how we come home.
Today's episode, in my humble opinion is a panoply of topics. I touch on how maybe my thoughts on my dating life are delusional, but am here to say, all our thoughts are. Choose the ones that serve you, Renegades! Also, did you know it's taboo for women to use the word 'horny'? Well not anymore! Turns out women are horny and it's not just for sex! For the record, I've opted to not use or say the word 'horny' based on the way it sounds; it doesn't really roll off the tongue like 'aroused' does, but hey! That's just a thought. I'm gonna get horny for the word horny! Who is with me?
Lastly, my client asked me about last weeks episode; So then what did you do? How do you handle the people in your life not doing the work when you're always doing the work. Answers, y'all. I have a few answers. Tune in and Turn On!!!
Ever so caught up in your thoughts that you can’t recognize at the core, what it is that’s really bothering you? I thought I was annoyed with technology, like Uber Eats hacking into my back account and me disabling my internet as well as poorly communicating with my daughter, but once I got out of my head and into my feels I figured out exactly why I was so upset... Tune in and turn on Renegades! Also, this is my first time recording me recording me podcasting 🤓 let me know what you prefer: Video or Podcasts. Im not dropping one, but adding. Just curious what you prefer!! Enjoy! #modernrenegades #shifthappens #mindfulness #tuneinandturnon
I want to explore decision making today… and why it’s important that you get present when doing so.
If the only person you ever were was the person you are right now a podcast listener -and you had no history or way of defining yourself or how you behave- how would you base your next decision.
If you had no past experience to inform you, how would you date? Or respond to a text? Or parent your kids?
Do you know how freeing that would actually be - to decide from a clean and clear space? Informed only by this moment right here and now?
You’d have no excuses. You’d be responsible for your decisions... And you wouldn’t be able to blame anyone for your actions.
There’d be no I did this because my mom was or I’m this way because I once saw or I was raised to believe this so that’s why…
This though, is NOT how we are going about it. And let me tell ya why that is with a little brain science, Renegades.
It's storytime, Renegades!
Remember when you were younger and someone would do something and it would hurt your feelings? But, instead of being hurt or sad you would get angry, mad or hateful? And you would look for all the reasons why you were so pissed.
How you had every right to be?
Well, that was me a few weeks ago. It was kind of amazing really. Not the anger or rage, but the absolute absence of awareness around the entire situation.
I'm going to share with you how I not only played the role I was raging against, but how I looked for any external thing to justify my story rather than focusing on processing my emotions.
I also leave you with a few grounding tips you can use when you start spinning out.
Tune in and turn on!
I want to talk to you about Future Focus and WHY this concept is vital to your growth and creating the life you want- and how, when you combine this thinking with FEELING you can get things done. things like lose weight, make money, open a business, train for marathons, or you know, make out with strangers. It doesn’t matter the WHAT.
Future focus is the required tool for you to overcome your biggest challenge-
You and Your very own brain.
The human brain wants proof of concept - to know how to accomplish the goal in order to go to work. and quite frankly- you’ll never get it referring to your past. You’ve never been this person before. There is no evidence that you can do it- but there is fuck ton of conditioned beliefs and recycled thinking informing you that you can’t.
You have to be willing to overcome your biggest obstacle: Your brain. In order to chase your goals and create the life you want you have to be willing to overcome yourself and your thoughts. You have to be willing to let go of the beliefs you have about yourself. The identity that you’ve created.
We as humans do everything we do because of the way we think it will make us feel… It’s not the external material item. It’s the feeling we get from buying the house or losing the weight or crossing the finish line that we are doing it for.
Everything we do is because we want to feel a certain way. AND our feelings drive all our actions making sure we get the results we are after.
Of course, I share more about my make out sesh with a stranger and how I'm shattering my own beliefs about casual encounters ;)
I’m adopting an attitude of zero fucks given because for the longest time i’ve cared far too much about what everyone else was thinking. I lived the life doing what I was supposed to do… I’ve let it hold me back, but not anymore.
I’m going to use my voice. I’m going to share - I’m not going to let other people and their idea of controversy be my excuse to not be me. I’m willing to feel what it’s like to not be liked by everyone, or approved of…
I’m willing to be judged and lose followers.
What I’m not willing to do is use other people as a reason to not be me. To not use my voice.
I know one of you needs to hear you’re not alone; you’re not alone in your shame, the things you fear, or even your ideas or ambitions.
So with that, I’m going to talk about everything in 2020, my wins my losses. my goals -When I fall on my face… I’m not going to hide behind ‘what others may think’.
This year, I’m going to proudly talk about all the travel I plan on doing.
I’m going to talk about how big I want to make Modern Renegades. I might even throw around the numbers of dollars I want to make. I’m going to share with you more about my dating life and maybe gush about a new bag that I want… I’ll reference my affairs, my drinking, whatever the hell I feel inspired to, so you can see what’s possible. I’m going to continue to unravel and expose myself - and teach you the tools and concepts I’ve learned that have helped me along the way. ZERO SHAME.
For some of you, this information won’t be new or relevant. But for others, it will be just the perspective you need.
I know the voice inside your head. I know the voices from people standing around listening, watching and waiting for you to fuck up so they have something to talk about. I know what it’s like to have everyone think you have it all figured out. You and I are the same. You're the reason I’m here. I want you to know that it’s possible to overcome these blocks.
That CHANGE is possible.
That your past doesn’t need to define you. That you can let it go. That you don’t have to be this person forever. How freeing is that y’all?
Today I want to make a toast to 2019!
And do you know why? Cause y'all can't stopping bagging on it!
But instead of talking about my year and experiences and why I'm choosing to see the good, I want to refer to Dr Edith Eva Eger.
In her book, The Choice, she documents her time before during and after Auschwitz- the mindset she chose to have to survive each day in the holocaust and how her relationship with parents and siblings, her first love and her husband, children, herself were all defined by this horrific year.
and the reason why I feel so compelled to share some quotes and insights from her book is because I think all too often, we forget we have a choice.
A choice to look at our life, its circumstances, and know that even though we can’t always control what's happening around us, we can control how we think about it.
And you may be thinking I’m using a holocaust survivors story to tell you that if she could survive the holocaust you can survive 2019, but that’s not why...
Dr Eger shares her story not only on how she survived that year, but the denial that followed, the trauma that she stored in her mind and body and how she took it out on those around her.
How she felt that her childhood was taken from her, that it was too late for her to go to college in her 40’s and that it was her husband's fault she was so miserable… all the beliefs she had and then compassion. So much compassion and forgiveness…
I’m going to talk to you about the art of managing your mind and your emotions. It’s more than a tool, it’s a fucking super power. I’ve needed a full mental makeover this last week ;) as you may or may not know, my life was going one way, and then we took a hard fucking turn. Which is great. I was scheduled to talk about personal boundary setting this month and now I have some REAL examples to show you just how I’m practicing what I'm preaching.
Kicking Monday off and going straight for your jugular. Have you ever stopped and asked yourself why you believe what you believe? Have you ever questioned these beliefs? Looked at them from a different angle? Considered the opposite? I'm challenging you to do that today. Let's choose our belief systems with purpose, on purpose. #modernmondays #modernrenegades
On today's episode I cover the importance of being aware of what you are thinking... Thoughts, y'all. They are sneaky little fuckers! Here's the good news: YOU get to decide what you want to think. Here's the better news: I teach you a few tools in this episode that you can start practicing today to start shifting not only how you think, but the neuro-pathways that are engrained in your brain. Shift Happens, Renegades. Let's party.
More About Your Host:
There is no one that makes me laugh more than my homegirl, Laurel Kinney! Hangout and listen to us talk in circles about our dating lives, bathroom talk, and the time Laurel queefed in yoga. Oh, and she spills the tea on becoming a 'dirty little whore' this summer.
PS. I cleaned up my desktop. I hope you're happy Laurel.
You can follow Laurel on the gram here -->
and your host, me, here -->
This interview with Heather Emerson from Prep to Your Door ended up being one where I shared more about myself than any other interview. We immediately dive in discussing how we both abused alcohol and drugs when we were younger, but shifted our belief systems and habits in adulthood and have been able to stay our course. This is just the beginning. Stick around and listen as we explore what it's like to forgive your parents, run a business and do your part to help mother earth :)
About Heather Emerson
Heather graduated from University of Texas at Austin with dual degrees in Mathematics, Linguistics, as well as completed the UTeach program. After being recruited for Teach for America, she moved to New York City on a mission to facilitate change in the education space, with a focus in STEM.
Shortly after her Teach for America program, she switched careers to style New York’s socialites and celebrities under two European fashion houses. After five years in Manhattan, she realized her true calling and potential was not being met. She backpacked around the world for 7 months taking food classes and volunteering at different plant-based establishments.
When she returned, she moved to Cambridge, MA to start her Masters in Journalism with a concentration on Innovation and Entrepreneurship at Harvard University. The first day of class she met her current partner in life and business, Faiez Rana. They shared a common passion for social entrepreneurship, education, sustainability, and healthy food. They also learned about the massive environmental and health impacts of the modern food industry. In 2016, they moved to Austin, TX to start Prep To Your Door, serving local, organic, farm-to-table meal prep in completely reusable packaging.
With environmental consciousness built into the core of their brand, Heather is focused on growing the company nationally while sticking to their core mission of serving local organic meals and improving their zero waste business model. Additionally, they are committed to supporting local farms, building local food communities, paying livable wages, offering health benefits to part-time employees, all while working to contribute as little as possible to the landfill.
In Rachel’s words, her becoming a mother is a different story than most. She became a mother over night to her boyfriends almost 2 1/2 year old son when his mother was killed in a boating accident.
She speaks rawly about the moment she made the conscious decision to choose to stay by Michael and Harrison’s side, about the difficulty of watching her partner grieve an ex, and also how losing her brother to suicide a year before was something she was able to make meaningful because it gave her the empathy and understanding to support those around her who were affected by the loss of Jen.
Rachel shares with us the steps she and her family took to grieve and process- from a play therapist to writing a children's book about loss.
If you are interested in play therapy for your children, Rachel is happy to recommend local sources in austin Tx. She also recommends the nurtured heart approach. For more recommendations you can reach out to Rachel on her instagram and she will happily refer you to her network.
This week we dive deeper into how your brain works and identify why it's imperative to have your priorities and boundaries in place. We explore why and how we keep showing up, reliving the same patterns and emotions - subconsciously - and I explain how our behavior systems are mapped out in our bodies before we are able to walk and talk.
For more information about the host, Ashley -->
Today I'm talking about our brains and dating. I explain how your brain operates and how you can get authority over it. Yes, it's 100% Possible.
For more information or to follow:
Today I interview my daughter, Faith. She is 15 going on 16, and has been learning to live with depression and anxiety. She shares with us what it's like to have the tendency to cut, how she and her friends don't feel like they have anyone they can talk to about it and also the stress she places on herself to succeed.
On the flip side, I share with you what it's been like for me as a parent- one who was in denial and one who *still doesn't always have the answers.
Jess Hawkins and I dig into her life and address topics around sexual assault, and even though she thought she dealt with the trauma, it has reared its head in her marriage. We discuss sex, parenting, bondage as a form of therapy and the work she continues to do for personal growth.
Today I talk about my Usual Suspects- The things our brains go after to avoiding feeling, say, sad bored or lonely- because that may be like death and the safer, better options would be; have a drink, check social media for likes, go buy something- eat deliciousness.. any outside experience that will reward us with dopamine and remove us from our river of suck.
Jessie Barnes is a body image advocate and co-founder of #sportsbrasquadATX. She firmly believes everyone has the right to feel more comfortable in their own skin and is on a mission to help others find their way there.
You can follow Jessie -->
Ashley M Kelsch -->
Today I talk with Kara Marie Trombetta of Kara Marie Studios. We touch on how she has grown her work over the years by way of several channels while being a mom and wife- and just HOW she pulls it off. SPOILER ALERT- She ends up working herself into the hospital. We find out from Kara about her autoimmune disease and the changes she's had to make for her and her family.
You can check out Kara Marie here -->
A photographer for the modern woman, Kara Marie has commanded the camera
professionally for over a decade. She has made it her life’s work to advocate
female individualism and self-love through her career as a photographer and
educator. With impactful black and white photographs as her medium of choice,
Kara’s work has celebrated thousands of extraordinary women over the years.
A practical “minimalist”, Kara Marie uses natural light and intentional shadow to
honor the female form while simultaneously giving women permission to rejoice in
themselves exactly as they are in any given moment. More importantly, Kara
believes that a photo shoot should be an uplifting first-class customer service
experience that builds confidence before her clients even lay eyes on their images.
Her understated, monochromatic style is world-renowned for both its beauty and
its honesty in capturing the soul of the woman in front of the camera.
Kara Marie Trombetta is headquartered in Austin, TX where she operates two
successful photography studios and is currently in the process of publishing her
first book. Beyond the studio, she is the mother of two boys, a wife to her high
school sweetheart, an avid traveler, and a food enthusiast.
To learn more about your host, Ashley m Kelsch and Dressing Room Confessions, go here -->
Since I started studying and practicing awareness around my thoughts and mental fitness in general, I’ve learned quite a bit about my thinking and the direction my thoughts tend to go. I thought a skill that I could start to use and apply was one in which I would allow me to practice reframing how I see my past (memories, after all are just thoughts we hold about events in our past) and how I’ve viewed some of the people I was involved with
This practice, in particular, is not about reframing the events to tell me a better story, but instead, looking back at the people involved and only seeing the good that happened with them. I spoke of this on my podcast last week with Laurel and when I brought it up, I truly believed that the benefit of this work was simple: it would take my mind off the negative- that I would no longer think poorly of the people in my past or carry the burden of what I thought were negative experiences. Truth be told, I’m finding that I’m carrying these stories about my past with me like a large tote- loaded with bricks - I thought if I could start remembering all the good positive times, the reasons I was originally drawn to these people that I could fill my large tote full of fluff, love and sparkles - you know, of all our good times.
Practicing this work opened a hidden door and behind it, a side of the story that I never knew existed … Their side. By entering, I was able to go deeper into who I was.- Spoiler Alert: turns out I have no-one to blame but myself for my failed relationships.
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SLACK for Modern Renegades
Episode Number 1 with Laurel Kinney
In this episode we discuss:
Laurels real life trauma
How she healed and moved on
Dressing Room Confessions Instagram
Laurel Kinney Personal Stylist
You’re wondering what Dressing Room confessions is all about? here’s a bit of the skinny- for the last 10 years I’ve owned and operated a women’s bra fitting / lingerie store called, Teddies for Bettys, in Austin Tx. It will come as no surprise to you that i’ve spent most of the 10 years - you guessed it, in the dressing rooms. with women. listening to them reveal their most intimate secrets about their lives; from parenting, relationships, losses, sexual experiences, health concerns, drug and alcohol use, body image perceptions - you name it and how they’ve navigated their way through all of it.
I learned quickly that what was being revealed to me, wasn’t even being revealed to the people closest to them; be it out of embarrassment, shame, or fear of being judged and rejected…
Imagine the sense of relief when you realize you are not alone in your experiences. The relief of knowing that we all go through life and it’s struggles. That life, well, it’s pretty textbook and no experience is unique. Which if you ask me- is the part worth celebrating. okay, but If you asked my therapist, he’d tell you I was insulted when he told me my problems were textbook. I couldn’t imagine that anyone had ever been through what I had… or that they could feel the way I do… I honestly had to question his credentials and our client patient relationship until he broke it down.
And so I’ve learned We aren’t alone.
and By sharing our experiences/ stories, we can connect, heal and move on.
Now that my friends, is a fucking relief.
which is WHY we are here! Each week I will be sharing confessions from my life and yours. there will be interviews, stories read, there will be voices heard. I want to hear your confessions- both tragic and hilarious- the ones you swear no one will understand - the ones you are convinced shaped you for better or worse- I’ll be like a high priestess listening. sacred style. and our listeners will vow to hold space, not judge but imagine what that might be like. What do you think? You ready to confess? Let's do it…