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Disagree better

Disagree better

By Tammy Lenski
Conflict resolution insights for ongoing personal and business relationships from professional mediator and conflict resolution teacher Dr. Tammy Lenski. Podcast formerly called The Space Between.
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Currently playing episode

Three threads at the heart of every argument

Disagree better

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Be a better listener with this one crucial habit
You’ll be a better listener when you disagree with someone if you can first master better listening in your everyday conversations. Here’s a good place to start: Trade shift responses for support responses. Episode transcript Celeste Headlee Charles Derber Stealing someone's story Holding the space Buy Tammy a coffee To automatically receive transcripts of new episodes, plus Tammy's newsletter, subscribe here.
06:06
June 25, 2022
A mindfulness technique for managing the urge to lash out
When frustration or anger hijacks us, we may say or do things we regret. Here’s an uncomplicated mindfulness technique for managing the urge to lash out — and for managing other troublesome impulses too. Episode transcript Why it's hard to reason someone back into reasonableness Why it's good to interrupt rumination Buy Tammy a coffee To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, plus Tammy's newsletter, subscribe here.
05:31
May 28, 2022
What happens *after* conflict resolution?
Once we’ve sorted out our differences, is the conflict over? Or does it leave a residual experience that can drag us down again? Episode transcript Pema Chödrön's Getting Unstuck More about the power of perceived understanding in relationships Kintsugi and the art of mending relationship conflict When conflict is real but not true Tammy's book, The Conflict Pivot Tammy on twitter Buy Tammy a coffee To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, plus Tammy's newsletter, subscribe here.
08:22
April 30, 2022
Ghost rules
We all have our own preferred conversational rules of engagement. When things are going well, it’s easy to overlook someone violating what we consider to be conversational norms. But when conflict enters the picture, our Ghost Rules can contribute to tension and escalation. Episode transcript Two ghost rules my husband and I had when we met The conflict resolution toolbox Buy Tammy a coffee To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:19
April 02, 2022
Making the impossible possible
When solving a problem seems well and truly hopeless, a certain kind of question can clear roadblocks and boost creative problem-solving. These ultimate questions deserve a permanent place in our conflict resolution and problem-solving toolkits. Find the transcript with links here Buy Tammy a cup of coffee To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:16
March 05, 2022
Anger resets
When we’re on the verge of being swamped by anger, having a pre-chosen anger reset can save the day. Here are a few anger resets I suggest to clients I’m coaching or in anticipation of mediation, including ones I use myself. Find the transcript with links here Buy Tammy a cup of coffee To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
09:05
February 05, 2022
7 tried-and-true ways to safeguard the space between
The fact that we disagree — even strongly — isn’t what damages personal or professional relationships. It’s how well we make use of practices that buffer our vital relationships from the detrimental effects of conflict. In other words, it’s how well we safeguard “the space between” through the way we disagree. Find the transcript with links here Buy Tammy a cup of coffee To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
07:02
January 08, 2022
Disagreeing in front of others? Take it offline
When a disagreement in front of others gets difficult, there’s a simple remedy for avoiding two common pitfalls such conversations bring with them. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:51
November 30, 2021
To reduce defensiveness, build up the social bond
Deflecting blame, denying responsibility, and minimizing negative impact are defensive behaviors that make problem-solving conversations frustrating. To reduce defensiveness and increase their willingness to take responsibility, use this research-supported approach when you confront. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:54
November 02, 2021
Conflict resolution is like driving at night in the fog
Better conflict resolution habits don’t start with learning a new approach and then trying it in your next difficult conversation. Just as you wouldn’t start running and try a marathon the following week, better conflict resolution habits begin with a slow, steady build. Here are some ways to start strong and build from there. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:17
September 02, 2021
Three threads at the heart of every argument
When we argue, and particularly when we argue with loved ones and colleagues — those with whom we are in ongoing relationship — the argument has three threads at its core. It doesn’t matter what we’re arguing about; those three threads are there. When we attend to those three threads, we set the stage for a much better conversation. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:36
July 19, 2021
The non-comeback comeback after an insult
Sometimes the best comeback after an insult -- the comeback that actually does something for us instead of to them -- is no comeback at all, as the following Zen koan so beautifully illustrates. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
03:55
June 25, 2021
New name for the podcast
The Space Between is now called Disagree Better
02:40
June 24, 2021
An alternative to perspective-taking when you want to reduce animosity
When we want to reduce animosity and increase empathy toward a group or individual, we may try perspective-taking, the act of trying to stand in their shoes and view the situation from their perspective. But what if there’s something even more powerful for the job? Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:58
May 21, 2021
What is the real issue?
A subscriber emailed me with the question, “How do I know when I’ve figured out the real problem or issue?” It’s a question worth unpacking and I have an alternative question to propose. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:15
April 22, 2021
A conflict resolution mini-manifesto
Five ways to stop "less-than"-ing during conflict and conflict resolution. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:26
March 12, 2021
Is a distancing spiral quietly damaging your important relationship?
Conflict spirals are patterns of friction or tension that worsen over time. Distancing spirals are a particularly insidious form of conflict spiral because they cause relationship damage while we think we’re doing nothing wrong at all. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:11
February 09, 2021
Introducing QueryCards
Self-coaching questions for conflict resolution. Find the QueryCards here. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
02:24
January 15, 2021
When opinions contrast sharply, practice scales
Practicing scales is an elegantly simple way to get a read on where someone stands along a continuum. It’s useful for illuminating the nuances in disagreements that sound polarized. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
03:57
November 24, 2020
Three alternatives to rumination after an argument
Ruminating — dwelling on troubled thoughts and feelings — impairs good decision-making and can make us more aggressive. It’s a seductive habit and I really want everyone to develop alternatives that serve us better. Maybe one of these three alternatives to rumination will be a good replacement habit for you. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:08
October 06, 2020
How to be truly helpful when someone is upset
When someone is upset, one familiar response is to ignore it and forge ahead. Another is to try to make them feel better with kind reassurance. Both of these approaches are a version of “make it go away.” There’s a third, more fruitful approach: Turn toward it. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
08:31
September 10, 2020
On the importance of knowing what really matters
They say that if we see a pothole on the road in front of us and we focus on it, we will inadvertently steer right toward it. To avoid the pothole, the trick is to broaden our view and focus on where we actually want to go. This kind of deliberate focusing of our attention on the kind of future we want is essential in conflict resolution too, as this negotiation story from U.S. President Jimmy Carter reminds us. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:60
August 13, 2020
Behind every criticism is a wish
It’s possible to turn criticism into a positive conversation, whether you’re the recipient of someone’s criticism or you’ve gotten feedback about being too critical. The key is to find the hidden message the criticism is trying to convey. Here’s how to do that. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
09:49
July 28, 2020
Break down listening barriers with these 4 questions
Conflict is very good at creating listening barriers. When they’re talking we’re only half listening while we wait to talk, formulate our comeback, struggle to keep calm, and fall into other habits that get in the way of good listening. If you’re in a position to help someone come back into good listening, try these four questions to prompt the return (you can use them with yourself, too). Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:46
June 26, 2020
An uncomplicated way to reduce the pitfalls of emotional memories during conflict resolution
When negative experiences leave someone with strong emotional memories, discussing those experiences during conflict resolution can be tricky territory. The solution isn’t to suppress discussion of negative events or ask people to set aside their strong emotions. Recent research offers insight into a simple way to navigate emotional memories in a way that reduces the negative side effects. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
08:41
June 02, 2020
Five uncomplicated ways couples can turn arguments into discussions
There’s a new book out, Living Together, Separating, Divorcing: Surviving During a Pandemic, released yesterday on Amazon. The brainchild of Michael Lang and Peter Nicholson, the book features conflict resolution advice for couples and families from over 70 mediators and related professionals from 10 countries. Here’s my contribution and more details about the collective wisdom in the book. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:25
May 13, 2020
3 reasons they won’t change their behavior–and what to do about it
When someone won’t change their behavior, we may try to persuade them by fiat or information. Both approaches can work, but too often, they fail. Here are three reasons force and facts fail to persuade and what to try instead. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
11:48
April 21, 2020
5 ways to deal proactively with conflict while working from home during the coronavirus outbreak
Life looks different for most of us than it did a few weeks ago. The dramatic changes in the rhythm of our lives, the economic uncertainty, and the anxiety about health and safety are breeding grounds for stress and conflict. Here are a few things you can do to get ahead of conflict while working from home during the coronavirus pandemic. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
07:07
March 19, 2020
Upstream conflict resolution
By the time we decide to get help with a conflict, or by the time we’re called in to help others, the conflict has often become chronic or acute. Chronic conflict and acute conflict are harder to resolve and more likely to damage personal and workplace relationships. Resolution of chronic or acute conflict is reactive. Upstream conflict resolution is proactive and mitigates acute and chronic conflict’s side effects. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
09:47
February 17, 2020
How to stop ruminating at night (other times too)
Rumination, or dwelling on anger or hurt after a conflict, isn’t a helpful habit. To stop ruminating at night or any other time you find yourself dwelling on your distress, here’s a thought exercise to help you stop the endless and potentially harmful loop. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
08:45
January 29, 2020
Spark a shift in perspective with this question
In the midst of conflict it’s hard to get a fresh perspective about the situation or the other person. This simple question is excellent for tempering our certainty, engaging our curiosity, and sparking a shift in perspective when we need it most. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:31
December 19, 2019
How to disagree better
Sound decisions, healthy team dynamics, and resilient personal and professional relationships don’t require or even particularly benefit from an absence of conflict. When there’s conflict and tension, the goal isn’t to abolish it, but to navigate it in ways that prevent damage and inspire deeper consideration of solutions. The goal is to disagree better. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
17:28
November 20, 2019
Choosing the right conflict resolution tools
We use tools to do something more effectively and efficiently. But just like physical tools, ill-chosen conflict resolution tools will not yield the results we need. Here are three questions to help choose and use the right conflict resolution tools for the moment. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
09:55
October 02, 2019
Every conflict contains a bid to be seen
One reason disagreements turn into conflict and ongoing tension is our failure to see — or acknowledge that we see — the other person in the way they most deeply wish to be seen in the world. One way to disagree better is to respond to their bid to be seen, not with miserly reticence, but with generosity of spirit. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
08:18
September 03, 2019
How to influence the way people act during conflict
If you believe someone is aggressive, could they behave more aggressively with you than with others? If someone believes you are a hostile person, are you likely to act more hostile when you interact with them? It’s called behavioral confirmation and if you’re interested in your own or others’ conflict behavior, it’s worth understanding. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
08:28
July 23, 2019
A way to turn anger into curiosity
Only people we love and care deeply about can make us so angry we want to blow a gasket, says famed Star Trek actor George Takei. When someone or something we care deeply about sparks big anger, here’s a way to turn anger into curiosity and use it positively. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:26
June 04, 2019
Start with a small yes
The outset of a difficult conversation often feels like a back-and-forth trading of position and perspective with little common ground. Here’s how to use the psychology of agreement to begin shifting that kind of positional debate to collaborative problem solving. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
07:24
May 10, 2019
Slow down and be the Bedouin
It feels productive to toss out ideas for a solution and demonstrate how much we want to help. But it’s usually unproductive if we haven’t done something essential first: Make sure we understand the problem from their frame of reference. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
03:38
April 23, 2019
Do the next right thing
When we’re overwhelmed by a difficult conversation, one reason can be that we’re too focused on the horizon and not focused enough on the very next step. A very helpful mindset in moments like this is to “do the next right thing.” Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:21
April 09, 2019
How to politely stop long-winded talkers
When we listen well, sometimes others hog air time and just keep talking. It’s an inadvertent, and often unwelcome, side effect of good listening. Here’s a way I like to handle long-winded talkers that’s both effective and kind. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:44
March 26, 2019
Avoid this common blunder when confronting difficult behavior
When confronting difficult behavior, we typically focus on what we want the other person to stop doing. Sometimes this works. But too often, we create a “behavior vacuum” with this approach, making it harder for them to stop the difficult behavior. Here’s how to avoid this common misstep. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
08:22
March 13, 2019
Control emotions better by labeling them
When we want to control emotions better in the midst of a difficult conversation, we may try to ignore the unwelcome emotion or try the opposite, indulge it. These approaches don’t work very well in the face of incapacitating emotions. But something else does: Give the emotion a name. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
07:09
February 27, 2019
Blame vs contribution (and how to make the shift adroitly)
Blame vs contribution — the differences are straightforward to grasp intellectually, yet sometimes tricky to employ effectively in conflict situations. Here are a few ways to shift a conversation from blame to contribution without appearing to blame the victim. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
09:01
February 13, 2019
A lesson in compassion and understanding from a most annoying woman
When we say we want to understand someone, but then view them through our own judgmentalism, we’re not being honest with ourselves. Compassion and understanding go hand in hand — when we let them. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:45
January 29, 2019
Flip the problem to illuminate hidden solutions
The way we approach problem solving influences the solutions we can see — and are willing to see. When problem solving gets stuck, sometimes the best way to get unstuck isn’t to keep searching for better options or downgrade our expectations, but to flip the problem we’re trying to solve. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
08:55
January 16, 2019
4 handy principles for deciding when you can’t agree
When you can’t agree even with your best effort, having fallback criteria can break the agreement logjam and allow you get on with other things. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:19
November 27, 2018
Is the Einstellung effect interfering with your problem solving?
The Einstellung effect is a cognitive trap that prevents us from seeing better or simpler solutions to problems we’re trying to solve. Here’s how to recognize it and reduce its effect. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:39
November 14, 2018
5 bad listening habits and how to break them
Conflict has a way of magnifying our bad listening habits. I frequently see the following listening habits get in the way of constructive and collaborative problem-solving during conflict and thought I’d flag them for attention. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
08:54
October 30, 2018
Doubt your conflict story
When we get into a conflict with someone, it’s natural to replay our experience of the conflict, both in our minds and as we tell others about it. Over time, this replay can begin to feel like The Truth About What Happened. But it isn’t. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:04
October 16, 2018
The type of problem that makes conflict resolution harder
Gravity problems make conflict resolution more difficult because they sidetrack us from actionable problems. Here’s how to recognize gravity problems when you see them, why they’re troublesome, and how to prevent them from hijacking resolution. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.r
09:50
October 02, 2018
A visualization for letting go of things you can’t change
There are some problems and squabbles that aren’t worth our effort to pursue. Maybe we’re never going to see that person again, or it’s a small enough problem that we know we won’t care about it in a few days, weeks, or months. If your mind keeps chewing on little problems like these, try this brief visualization for letting them go. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:58
September 18, 2018
3 ways to turn adversaries into problem-solving partners
Most people don’t want to be wrangled into doing something you want but they don’t. Here are three ways to turn them into your problem-solving partners and overcome resistance. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
08:11
September 05, 2018
How to express a concern without making things worse
When I ask clients why they let a problem go on for so long before addressing it, a common reply is, “I was afraid I’d create more conflict by raising it.” It’s an understandable fear. Here are some tried-and-true ways to raise an issue for discussion without making matters worse. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
08:04
August 03, 2018
Ask yourself this kind of question when an argument rattles you
When a difficult conversation rattles you, using a centering question can help you get your balance back. Here are favorite centering questions I share with my clients, along with guidelines for developing your own. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
08:26
July 02, 2018
Fighting in a relationship: The gift of anger
What we believe about anger has an impact on what happens during emotionally charged conflict. Relief from the suffering of conflict can come from them changing how they act on their anger, of course. And it can also come from us changing how we think about anger. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:06
May 08, 2018
This common (but faulty) reasoning leads to bad decisions
We like to think of ourselves as rational beings, and yet we act irrationally in all sorts of ways. One way we act irrationally is with a type of faulty reasoning we use for decisions both large and small, influencing not just the agreements we reach, but also the process we use to reach those agreements. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
10:20
April 24, 2018
5 impactful questions for handling difficult moments
Most difficult conversations ebb and flow between good progress and difficult moments, those times it’s a challenge to access our best selves and skills. Here are five common difficult moments and five powerful questions to help you through them. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:11
April 10, 2018
Is the overconfidence effect sabotaging your communication?
The overconfidence effect is a natural bias toward believing that we’re better at something than we actually are. The overconfidence effect can distort belief in the accuracy of a strong memory, estimations of how long it will take to get things done, judgment about our intelligence compared to others, and even the reliability of eyewitness accounts. It can sabotage communication during conflict, too. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
07:27
March 27, 2018
An effortless way to discern others’ emotions
Being able to accurately discern someone’s emotional state is an essential conflict resolution skill. But even with both good will and skill, we have a fair chance of guessing wrong. Recent research suggests that when it comes to accurately figuring out what someone else is feeling, there’s one thing we can do that boosts our ability to get it right. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:30
March 13, 2018
How to backpedal after saying the wrong thing
When words come out of your mouth that you instantly regret, here are some ways to recover from your faux pas and minimize the impact of ill-chosen words. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:30
February 27, 2018
Can this key ingredient protect your marriage from relationship conflict?
Couples can have big fights, frequent conflict, and even bicker all the time and still have healthy, fulfilling, and lasting relationships. How so? Recent research suggests that one factor in particular plays an important role in protecting a couple from the negative effects of relationship conflict: How well you think your partner “gets” you. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:55
February 13, 2018
The communication method that makes disagreements worse
For almost two decades I’ve advised clients to avoid email and texting when tension grows in their important personal or business relationships. Is my advice still credible in an era so permeated by technology? A new study offers updated insight. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:56
January 30, 2018
The Picasso trick for better problem solving
When we become too wedded to our own solutions, conflict resolution conversations can get pretty stuck. Here’s a trick of the mind to help us stay flexible (even when we’re sure our solution is brilliant), courtesy of Pablo Picasso. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:23
January 02, 2018
When it seems trivial, pay close attention
When you’re tempted to dismiss someone’s concerns as trivial, or roll your eyes at the things people find to fight over, it’s time to sit up straight and pay attention. Because you’re missing something…and it’s worth your while to figure out what. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:11
December 19, 2017
You make me so angry!
This classic piece of research offers insight into the way context may influence blame and anger. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:48
December 07, 2017
4 quick techniques to help you think straight in an argument
When we feel overwhelmed by a difficult conversation, we can get emotionally swamped and lose access to our good conflict resolution, communication, and problem-solving skills. Here are four quick techniques you can use when conflict muddles your thinking and you want your good skills back. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:17
November 21, 2017
The question that brings hamster wheel debates to a standstill
Some debates, arguments, and bickering go on and on, without leading anywhere (except to more frustration). If you find yourself in this kind of debate, or are trying to stop others caught in one, here’s a single question that’s almost magical in its power to help. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:58
November 07, 2017
Future-proof an agreement with a premortem
When we’ve put in effort to solve a problem, we want our solution, decision, or agreement to have every chance at long-run success. Here’s a powerful way to improve our plan’s ability to stand the test of time: Go back to the future and test it with a premortem. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
07:46
October 24, 2017
Anxiety about a difficult conversation? Try this.
Pressure-filled situations like difficult conversations tax our working memory. That’s bad news, since working memory is crucial for reasoning, concentration, and understanding. But here’s the good news: There’s a specific type of brief writing activity that can both reduce anxiety about and boost performance under pressure. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:48
October 09, 2017
The space between
There’s a space that changes form and scale as we navigate our personal and business relationships. It’s the space between us, narrowing and softening when things are going well, widening and hardening in times of tension. The quality of our relationships, the degree of our happiness, and the success of our solutions are all influenced by The Space Between. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:47
September 28, 2017
Why you should make a habit of repeating this question
Our solutions are only as good as our understanding of the problem. There’s a good question we can use to help discover a problem’s roots. And we can turn it into an even better question by employing it liberally — more liberally than most of us naturally do. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:34
September 18, 2017
A good way to overcome resistance
When we notice resistance, a typical response is to try persuading them out of their resistance. But that approach often causes more resistance, as they defend against our pushing. When we want to overcome resistance, there’s a better way. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:44
September 06, 2017
Fear is the enemy of apology
One reason apologies feel hard to offer is that they’re colored by fear — fear of feeling shame, fear of feeling judged, fear of offering an olive branch that is not returned. To apologize, we must find ways to anticipate not only what will go wrong, but also what could go right. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
03:44
August 22, 2017
A surprisingly effective way to handle behavior problems
Sometimes the best fix for behavior problems isn’t to address the behavior itself. Sometimes the most effective solution is to change the situation. Situation problems can cause behavior problems, and unless you know how to tell the difference, you can waste a whole lot of energy trying to get someone to change. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:13
August 08, 2017
When negotiations get stuck, be sure you do this
It’s not news that understanding the other person’s key interests is a crucial skill for your negotiation skills toolbox. I knew that when I went into the contract negotiation in the following story…and I almost blew it anyway. It took a question born out of desperation to teach me that some interests can be elusive, surprising, and even downright unbelievable. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:55
July 25, 2017
Walking a mile in their shoes may not be such a good idea after all
Are you in a career where the ability to show empathy is important? New research suggests that how you arrive at empathy is as important as being empathetic. And that old adage about developing empathy by walking a mile in their shoes may actually increase your burnout potential. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:34
July 11, 2017
A simple little technique for turning criticism into constructive feedback
The way you deliver feedback can make the difference between instant defensiveness and thoughtful consideration. One way to reduce immediate push-back is to “make it behavioral.” Here’s how to give feedback that’s behavioral and examples to translate the idea into words. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
07:55
June 27, 2017
5 counter-intuitive conflict resolution habits worth developing
Conflict resolution skills alone will only get you so far. How well you use those skills depends on your mindset and the habits you cultivate in yourself. Here are five game-changing conflict resolution habits that will help you use your skills optimally. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
03:16
June 13, 2017
How category errors make conflict harder to resolve
We put people, places, things, and ideas into categories. Categories help us navigate the world and it’s natural to categorize. We categorize in conflict, too. But the tension of conflict increases the chances we’ll make category errors — and category errors can really get in the way of conflict resolution. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:46
May 29, 2017
A super simple method for regaining self-control
One reason conflict can undermine self-control is that stress compromises our brains’ emotion-regulation circuitry. But all is not lost when we’ve been emotionally hijacked. Recent research offers a new tool for regaining self-control soon after the stress of an argument: Briefly reminiscing about a happy memory. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:49
May 16, 2017
When the win-win solution is obscure
A win-win solution is optimal in so many negotiation and conflict situations at work and home. But what do you do if that win-win solution isn’t obvious? Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:55
April 18, 2017
Sweeping conflict under the rug
Sweeping important conflict under the rug doesn’t make it go away. We know this, even as we continue to do it. Hidden so we don’t have to look it in the eye, the conflict still draws our attention and increases our frustration. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
02:44
March 21, 2017
A remarkable tool for neutralizing the ravages of marital conflict
If 21 minutes of your time could make the difference between a marriage that’s crumbling and a marriage that grows stronger, would you do it? Hell, yeah. The following research-based writing activity can have a remarkably powerful impact on marital conflict. It’s free. It’s simple. And you don’t need anyone’s help to do it. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:23
March 07, 2017
We could all use a Russell in our lives
We seek out allies when we’re in conflict because allies make us feel strong and right and reasonable. But in trying to be helpful, our allies may actually help perpetuate the conflict by boosting our certainty. When we’re being tested by a conflict, what we want isn’t an ally, it’s a loving provocateur. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:22
February 28, 2017
De-escalate anger with this straightforward invitation
When someone is emotionally swamped by anger, it can be helpful to redirect them temporarily away from their feelings and engage their cognitive capacities. The following invitation helps de-escalate anger particularly well and deserves a permanent home in your conflict resolution toolbox. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
02:49
February 21, 2017
One intriguing reason blame feels hard to take
The next time someone declines to take responsibility for words or actions that had a bad impact, don’t immediately assume it’s a flaw in their character. Maybe it’s just their protective brain doing its job. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
03:18
February 07, 2017
How to say no persuasively
Being able to say no is essential for good day-to-day negotiating. Yet it can evoke anxiety about appearing obstructive, unkind, or unhelpful. If you want a way to keep yourself from saying yes when you really do need to say no, pack this research-supported technique in your toolkit. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:12
January 31, 2017
2 smart principles for resolving everyday disagreements
A meta-conversation is a conversation about a conversation — how it unfolded or how you’d like to approach it. Meta-conversations are useful for deciding how we want to handle everyday disagreements with loved ones or colleagues. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
03:54
January 24, 2017
Think with your hands for better problem solving
New research is challenging the notion that thinking, problem solving, and decision making take place strictly in the head. And finally giving me some credibility after years of placing interactive toys in the middle of my mediation table. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
03:42
January 17, 2017
How to show you’re really listening without interrupting
Want to break the advice-giving habit but aren’t sure what to do instead? Want someone else to stop giving you unsolicited advice all the time? Here’s a good question to ask in those moments and a simple alternative to giving advice when what they really want is someone to listen. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
02:58
December 13, 2016
Weaving the narrative of a conflict
Conflict takes root in the space between our narrative about what happened and theirs. One way to understand conflict resolution is as the act of weaving a new joint narrative, one that includes the most valuable threads in each story. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
03:32
November 29, 2016
Want someone to calm down? Don’t do this
I’ve written that anger is a messenger that won’t shut up until its message is heard and understood. But if the anger is so big or so loud you can’t hear straight, there are things you can do to help someone calm down. And a few things you shouldn’t do…like these five missteps. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:18
November 22, 2016
How to ask questions like a pro
Watch a good mediator at work and you’ll likely notice that good questions are her stock-in-trade. Watch a masterful negotiator and you’ll see the same. If you want better conflict resolution results, learn how to ask questions that shift thinking and prompt fresh ideas. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
07:32
November 15, 2016
Want more self-control during conflict? Try appealing to your future self
Conflict can rob you of two precious mental faculties useful for sorting things out: The ability to view the situation from the other person’s perspective and the ability to check your impulses. New research suggests that your future self can help you recapture those abilities. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:01
November 08, 2016
How totalizing makes conflict more grueling
When we deliver or receive information in a totalizing way, we make a difficult conversation needlessly more difficult. Here’s how to resist this type of all-or-nothing thinking and take some of the pain out of disagreements and negative feedback. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:56
November 01, 2016
Kintsugi and the art of mending relationship conflict
Conflict in personal, professional and business relationships leaves permanent cracks and breaks behind. What if, instead of trying to ignore or hide the damage, we revered it, understanding that “better than new” is more valuable than “good as new”? Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
03:38
October 25, 2016
5 impactful phrases to interrupt habitual yelling
Some people do conflict loudly, whether due to familial or cultural roots, habit, or a low boiling point. When you want to interrupt someone’s habitual yelling during conflict, try to make the request without contributing to the fight. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:09
October 18, 2016
When conflict is real but not true
Chronic tension and conflict can provoke reactions that are more about what happened in the past than what’s happening at this very moment. In such instances, the conflict may be quite real but not entirely true. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:23
October 11, 2016
Friction with a colleague? Ask for a favor
When friction enters a working relationship, sometimes the best path through isn’t to talk it out. Sometimes the best path through is an indirect one — ask for a favor. Here’s how the Ben Franklin Effect works. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
02:53
October 04, 2016
The key to handling arguments about respect
Feeling dissed? Here’s how to raise concerns about disrespect in a way that increases dialogue and decreases pushback. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:27
September 26, 2016
You want this mental device in your relationship conflict toolbox
Thinking about the future helps couples overcome relationship conflict and view the situation in a more reasoned and positive light, according to new research. Here’s how to use the researchers’ simple mental exercise to create psychological distance from a conflict and dial down the heat of an argument. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
03:27
September 20, 2016
The real message anger is trying to deliver
During conflict, focusing mostly on anger’s behavior instead of on anger’s real message is like burying the lede in a news story. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
03:36
September 13, 2016
Be a better listener with these 3 everyday practices
It’s hard to get better at listening during conflict by practicing during conflict. If you want to be a better listener, practice outside of a difficult conversation. The stakes will be lower and it’ll be easier to be on top of your game. Here are three simple ways to practice being a good listener in everyday life. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:05
September 06, 2016
30 seconds to better conflict resolution
Note: An updated version of this episode is available here.  Better conflict resolution habits don’t start with learning a new approach and then trying it in your next difficult conversation. Just as you wouldn’t start running and try a marathon the following week, better conflict resolution habits begin with a slow, steady build. Here are some ways to start strong and build from there. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:42
August 30, 2016
The art of dealing with insults
Sometimes the best comeback after an insult — the comeback that actually does something for us instead of to them — is no comeback at all, as the following Zen koan so beautifully illustrates. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
02:07
August 23, 2016
How to navigate the “not my problem” problem
“That’s not my problem” are four of the most frustrating words to hear when you’re trying to talk through a conflict. They’re dismissive and may leave you feeling powerless to resolve the problem. Here are three tried-and-true ways to get problem-solving moving forward again. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:46
August 16, 2016
A quick little phrase to stop bickering in its tracks
Bickering, an argument about trivial matters, is one of those everyday bad habits that feeds the growth of destructive conflict in a relationship. When you teach yourself how to stop getting sucked into bickering, you give yourself and your relationship some fresh air. Here’s a short phrase that can help. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
02:27
August 09, 2016
5 uncomplicated ways to gain psychological distance during conflict (and why you should)
When you’re stuck on a problem or feeling angry, briefly distancing yourself psychologically from the current circumstances can give you emotional relief and actually help you solve the problem. Here are five simple and potent ways to gain psychological distance (and help others do the same) when you’re spinning your wheels in a conflict conversation. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:45
August 02, 2016
How starting a difficult conversation is like opening Fibber McGee’s closet
Starting a difficult conversation (or negotiation or mediation) can feel like opening Fibber McGee’s closet — chaotic, overwhelming, and hope-sucking. But don’t run. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
02:21
July 26, 2016
How to confront someone without being confrontational
Confronting is an essential negotiation, conflict resolution, and problem-solving skill. Being confrontational, though, will usually do you more harm then help. Here’s a mediator’s tip for how to confront someone and raise an issue for discussion without being aggressive or argumentative. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:12
July 19, 2016
A good rule of thumb when responding to difficult behavior
When responding to someone else’s difficult behavior during conflict, a good rule of thumb is, “Use the lowest level of intervention first.” Here’s why this convention is useful for managing difficult behavior and a concrete example to illustrate. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
08:11
July 05, 2016
How to deal with difficult people
How to deal with difficult people? It’s one of the most frequent questions I’m asked in my workshops and by readers, friends, and grad students. Here’s my strategy for dealing with difficult people and why it so consistently works. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:45
June 14, 2016
The secret to de-escalating loud, angry conflict
Take it from a mediator: When someone is angry and loud, trying to control them is not only an exercise in futility, but can also have an unintended consequence — it can escalate them. Here’s one powerful alternative. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
03:38
June 07, 2016
Conflict resolution terms defined
I’ve had repeated requests for the language I use to describe and define common conflict resolution terms like dispute, conflict, mediation, and facilitation. Here’s the language I use and a PDF download suitable for printing. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:07
May 31, 2016
9 ways to defeat cognitive overload during conflict resolution
The brain’s working memory appears to be very limited and conflict places a lot of demand on that already-restricted capacity. But there are ways to reduce cognitive load during conflict resolution and free up the working memory needed for concentration, reasoning and good decision making. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:57
May 24, 2016
How “being with” is a powerful way to help
What does it mean to hold the space for someone who’s trying to get somewhere different in a conflict? And how do we hold that space, whether we’re a friend trying to help, a manager trying to intervene, or a mediator trying to find a path to resolution? Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:16
May 17, 2016
Learning from Maori tradition: Whakawhanaungatanga
Whakawhanaungatanga is a Māori process for establishing relationships. In the following interview I explore the tradition, identity, trust-building, and conflict resolution with New Zealanders Hilary Unwin and Pereri Hathaway. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
49:53
May 10, 2016
Making peace with the conflict groan zone
“Get me outta here!” That’s the thought a lot of people have during workplace conflict. It’s the thought you have if you’re uncomfortable with conflict: I don’t like this. It’s messy. Maybe even painful. Get me outta here! Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:20
May 03, 2016
The key ingredients of an effective apology
New research has identified six elements to an apology, and the more of those elements you include, the more effective your apology. But not all six elements are equally valuable. Two are particularly crucial to having your apology accepted. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
03:48
April 26, 2016
A loving letter to my mediation clients
My friend, there are some things I want to say about mediation with me, things I hope you’ll ponder before we gather, things I hope will guide you as we talk. I may mention them a time or two during our time together. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:39
April 19, 2016
When tension continues after conflict seems resolved
Even after a dispute has been resolved, distrust and tension can linger. Even when you’ve made every effort to resolve a conflict, the other person may seem stuck in it still. Is there anything you can do when someone you live, work with, or serve doesn’t seem to be moving on after conflict? There is, but first, you need to understand why. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:03
April 12, 2016
Overcoming resistance: Work with people, not on them
How do you reduce resistance? What are the best ways to handle difficult people? What tactics overcome impasse? How can you get someone to ___? These questions all have something in common: They position you to work on someone, instead of with them. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:28
April 05, 2016
Want to influence behavior? Stop telling and ask this type of question instead
Positive affirmations may be popular, but if you want to influence behavior, questions trump statements. But not just any old questions. One type of question in particular can create powerful psychological leverage for changing your own and others’ behavior. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:43
March 29, 2016
Overcoming an “empathy deficit” in conflict
The stress of conflict has ramifications we’re only just beginning to understand: We can apparently “catch” someone else’s stress physiologically. Acute stress can desensitize us to another’s pain. And stress from the presence of a stranger may reduce the ability to empathize. But 15 minutes of shared experience might just help. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:59
March 15, 2016
One powerful way to help ease the suffering in conflict
Conflict and suffering are confederates working in painful alliance, each feeding the other as if to ensure its own continued existence. If I turn away from the suffering in conflict, I deny a part of my clients’ experience. If I try to fix suffering, I assume a task that is not really mine to shoulder. Here’s one way I’ve found it helpful to think about, respond to, and help ease suffering. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:41
March 08, 2016
Before you start solving a problem, be sure you do this
Design thinking is helping designers, engineers, and entrepreneurs solve problems more successfully and develop better products. Here’s how conflict resolvers can use one of design thinking’s most powerful steps to achieve better outcomes. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:41
March 01, 2016
Keeping yourself (and others) out of conflict corners
It’s tempting to feel triumphant when we successfully back our nemesis into a figurative corner. But it’s ill-advised triumph. Cornering triggers our evolutionary baggage, leads to outcomes unlikely to stand the test of time, and leaves all sorts of debris in the personal or working relationship. Here are ways to address and prevent cornering in your own and others’ conflicts. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
05:06
February 23, 2016
Your memory about what happened is probably wrong
Memory doesn’t exist to help us perfectly recall things in our lives. It’s there to help us survive. And to do its job properly, memory must evolve. Here’s a quick recap of the ways memory is flawed and why arguing about the accuracy of memories is like running on a gerbil wheel and expecting to get somewhere new. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
03:40
February 16, 2016
Quick to blame but slower to give credit? Beware of this thinking error
When an action has bad impact, how you think about that impact can play a significant role in triggering and escalating blame and conflict. And despite how rational you believe you are, there’s a thinking error that can lead you down a very irrational path. It’s called the Knobe Effect. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
04:59
February 09, 2016
How to email someone after a falling out
What’s the best way to re-establish communication with someone after a falling out? Here’s how to write an email that will help you reconnect after no contact and set the stage for talking in person or by phone. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
03:59
February 02, 2016
Conflict resolution activities: A mental trick for getting out of our own way
When we need to get out of our own way, there’s a simple yet powerful exercise we can use to help. It doesn’t take much practice — just commitment for a few minutes. Here’s one of my favorite conflict resolution activities for changing emotional state and tricking my mind into being more helpful in the heat of the conflict moment. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
08:07
January 27, 2016
One ridiculously simple way to be more persuasive
Failing to ask effectively for what we want is the stuff of low-grade irritation that, over time, can become a source of chronic conflict and tension. Here’s a ridiculously simple way to ask more effectively, be more persuasive without manipulating, and increase the odds a small favor will be granted. Find the transcript with links here. To receive transcripts of new episodes automatically, subscribe at tammylenski.com/subscribe/.
06:01
January 19, 2016