Sober Pod - Recovery Podcast

May 15

Fuck! I never call my mother. I really should. She is getting up there in age, and she deserves a better son. It’s hard, sometimes, in the thick of life, to stop and call your parents. Also, sometimes I don’t want to relive the past, and when I see my mother, it reminds me of some fucked-up shit. It’s not that I dislike her. I have a hard time with my emotions relating to the past. It’s why I go to A.C.A. and why I see a therapist. The reason why I feel I should call my mother is two-fold. One: that I really should call my mother and be a good fucking son. She carried me for nine months and put food on the table. She could have given up or given me up, and she didn’t. Two: I need to face the past and let it go. I/We/You need to move on and get over that shit. It was a lifetime ago. Tell you what, if I call my mom, you will call yours. Agreed?

Reflections

Why do you not call your family? Is there something in the past still disturbing you?

Daily Challenge

Call your mother/father or guardian. The guardian that tried to raise you. Just make the call. No excuses.

May 14

Every day I get up and take long, deep breaths listening to Headspace. Then I watch “The morning wake up” on the app and follow it up with 15 minutes of guided meditation. Toward the end of the meditation, there is a moment when the guy says, “Let the mind think if the mind has been wanting to think.” And I say, “No. Fuck you, mind!” That’s gotten us into a lot more trouble than it’s worth. So, I don’t think. That is my cue to interrupt the mind or my “Self” and take a page from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (Page 63). It is the Third-Step prayer that I have taken the time to memorize. It reminds me of my selfish nature and that I should be focused outside of myself throughout the day. This ritual has become routine and is an important reminder of my recovery today.

Reflections

Do you have a ritual?

Daily Challenge

Memorize the Third-Step prayer: God, I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, That victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love and Thy Way of life, May I do Thy will always! (The wording is, of course, quite optional)

May 13

We often relate too strongly to our lower self. What do we mean by that? Well, it’s the go-to identity some of us use in our daily lives. We have discussed it as being the “baddie” or “playing for the bad team.” In some psychology circles, they call it “The shadow self.” Sounds kinda ominous. No matter how you define it, that lower self can be a lifelong relationship that is hard to shake. We believe that is what defines us. Being a bad-ass motherfucker, tough as nails, etc. But are we really? And is that what we really want? Sometimes that persona may be needed when defending yourself from some thugs in a grocery store parking lot. Still, it’s seldom the foot you would like to lead with in your daily life. It causes more harm than good. Would you not agree?

Reflections

What is stopping you from acting on the nature of your higher self? Who do you admire that has led an extraordinary life?

Daily Challenge

Challenge your sense of self today to lead a mighty life.

May 12

In the Big Red Book of A.C.A., there are affirmations on page 329 that we should be reading each day. There are 23 of them, and they say things like, “It is okay to trust myself;” “It is okay to feel angry;” “It is okay to say, ‘I don’t know,” and “It is okay to dream and have hope.” As much as I try, I find it hard to believe what I read. Intellectually, I understand that I have inherent value as a human being and/or child of God. Still, in my heart of hearts, there is a voice that says, “You’re not good enough. You don’t deserve it. No matter how hard you try, you will always be less than.” This is what some of us fight against each day we wake up. My current sponsor calls it “88.9 KFUK Radio,” which plays in his head all day, too. What does the radio in your head play?

Reflections

Do you have an inner voice that is hard to silence? What does it say most of the time?

Daily Challenge

Visit https://adultchildren.org/meditation - Visit the ACA site and read their daily affirmation book each morning.

May 11

It doesn’t have to be this way. It may feel like it, but it doesn’t. You don’t ever have to drink or drug again if you don’t want to. There are many options and pathways to change. You may feel like you have tried them all. But have you? Have you tried them all? Bet you haven’t! But you have attempted to be fucked up. You have tried being stoned and on the low side of the road more often than not. So, why not try something new and not pick up? And, just for today, try something different from what you have done in the past. Today, you don’t have to do what you’ve always done if you don’t want to.

Reflections

Does it have to be this way today? Am I living a life of freedom or bondage? What has me in bondage? What allows me freedom?

Daily Challenge

Meditate for 20 minutes today. Pick a comfortable spot and set a timer. Close your eyes and breathe. It doesn’t matter what your brain does. Just keep your eyes closed and breathe until the timer goes off.

Are you doing enough for the person/people around you? What have you done lately? Thousands of people around you would kill to have what you have, and all you can do is demand more? What the fuck is wrong with you? Give. Give. Give. Give as though your life depends on it, because it does. We don’t mean give your money or property or any other material thing, but give of yourself. Give from your heart. Give from the compassionate center of your soul. That is what is at stake from day to day. Be prepared to give what you have been given because, as some bald white guys in A.A. say, “You can only keep what you have by giving it away.”

Reflections

Where do you hold back? What can you bring to another person today to make their day brighter?

Daily Challenge

Do you sit in meetings and browse your phone? Stop that shit. Try looking each person in the eye as they speak, and really listen.

Do you know the movie “The Matrix?” What if I told you that it didn’t matter if Neo took the red or blue pill? Why? Because no matter where Neo ends up, he will arrive with the same fucked-up brain that he started with. Just like you. No matter where you go, there you are. No amount of distance or change of surroundings will turn you into a different person. Moving to a new place or moving in with that girl/guy will not make you any different. No new jacket or $400 pair of red-soled shoes. You will still be you. It wasn’t the blue or the red pill that changed Neo; it was the choice he made to change.

Reflections

Are you making a choice to change?

Daily Challenge

If you are sure you’ve made a choice to change, what tangible things have you done to prove it?

“If she would only understand." “If he could just stop trying to control me.” “If I only got that promotion.” “If I could have graduated high school instead of fucking up all the time.” Things would be different. Sometimes we have this “wishing disease” where we wish for things to be different and get stuck in an alternate imaginary universe on the planet of “If.” Children “wish” all the time. Bedtime stories are made of wishes and fantasies of fairy godparents coming to save children from the wicked evil-doers. But we are not children. Nobody is coming to save you. You’re it! We live on Earth, and things are what they seem no matter how often you want to “If” or “wish” them away. Instead of wishing for things to be different, have you ever thought of trying to wish for things as they are?

Reflections

If only I could wish for things as they are.

Daily Challenge

List one thing that you need to accept today to move on with your life. You don’t need to accept it. Just write it down. Work on it when the time is right.

If anyone in your life talked to you the way you talk to yourself, you would kick their ass every day. Those are fighting words that you say to yourself! Do you know that? You would never tolerate that from your family or friends, but here you sit, kicking your own ass down the block all day long, and you don’t raise a finger or fist. You don’t put up a fight at all. Why is that? Where does that loud antagonizing voice come from? In A.C.A., they call it the “Inner Critical Parent,” and, at some point in your life, you assimilated someone else’s voice and installed it in your own head. It’s your daily tormentor (root word: torture), and your tormentor has tortured you long enough. How would a friend talk to you? How does a good friend talk to you? What would you say to a good friend whose parents “tormented” them verbally all day? What words could you offer to help that friend?

Reflections

Are you being a tormentor to yourself, or are you being a friend?

Daily Challenge

Try to be your own best friend today. You just might like yourself.

May 6

Don’t we often try to maneuver and manipulate things to meet our needs or demands? We make suggestions and say things when we know we shouldn’t make comments or hints - fuck - even a gesture can be manipulating if you’re doing it right. Looking for ways over or around the problem? Man, there are just too many ways to fuck with shit, huh? Sometimes, the hardest thing to come to grips with is the fact that we don’t have the answers or solutions. And the most important fact: it may not be up to us at all, and it may be someone else’s problem entirely. The fact that we should step the fuck back and not engage never occurs to some of us. In other words, “let it go.” Have you heard that one before?

Reflections

What are you fucking with? What is it that motivates you to put your nose where it does not belong?

Daily Challenge

Think about letting go. Here, I will help: “Let it go, let it go. Can't hold it back anymore.” Now, that song is in your motherfucking head all motherfucking day! Ha! That should help.

May 5

Fuck! I remember the day so vividly. Early in recovery, I was walking down the sidewalk with my one-year-old daughter. The sky was so blue and vivid, the grass so green and rich with life. A real estate agent had posted flags on every lawn for a national holiday, and my daughter was walking along and snatching up every single one of them. As we walked along, I had this feeling of goodness wash over me. It was like I had been washed of all the dirt and grime that drinking and living a life of misery had built up over the years. I felt freer than I had ever felt before. I can’t explain it, but I knew I crossed over and joined the good team. I was no longer a baddie playing for the bad team. No longer that hateful, resentful person. I found a spark of joy that seemed to lighten my load. A spring in my step! I took a picture as my little girl stumbled down the sidewalk with multiple flags in each hand. This day, I started to play the game differently.

Reflections

Have you joined “the good team,” or are you still playing for “the baddies”? What is motivating you today?

Daily Challenge

Retrace your day yesterday. What little moment sticks out? Where could you have been better?

May 4

The only thing constant in life is change. Impermanence is the nature of all things. There is not one thing on this planet that does not go through a constant state of change. Though some things may look permanent and lasting, they definitely are not. Everything. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. is changing right before your eyes. So, why do we have a hard time accepting this reality? Why do we fight so hard against the nature of all things in the Universe? Change will always involve some sort of loss, no matter how positive. Maybe that’s why we have such a hard fucking time? Either way, we don’t have the power to stop it. Do you?

Reflections

How can you be more comfortable with change? Have you ever looked back on some of the most impactful moments of your life and discovered how crucial they were to your growth as a person?

Daily Challenge

Buy some new clothes this week. Go shopping by yourself. Pick out what you like. Wear it as soon as possible.

May 3

“I'd rather go through life believing I’m an alcoholic/addict than go through life drinking/drugging, trying to convince myself I'm not.” –Unknown

What defines an addict or alcoholic? You’re the only one who can determine if you are an addict/alcoholic because it has more to do with your relationship with the drink or drug than anything else. But let’s give it a try here. Two factors determine whether you are an addict or alcoholic. One aspect is that once you start drinking or drugging, you can’t stop; one is too many, and a thousand is never enough. We can’t put the brakes on and always desire more once we start. The next factor is that once we have stopped, we obsess about when we will start again. In certain recovery circles, this is known as "the allergy of the body and the obsession of the mind.” If you have it, you know it, and you can quickly identify yourself as an addict/alcoholic and move forward with that truth.

Reflections

Do you know you’re an addict/alcoholic? Have you decided how you want to go through life?

Daily Challenge

Look up: https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/faqs.htm – The words “drinking/drinks/drink” in the Alcohol Use Disorder section at the bottom of the page can easily be replaced with drugging/drugs/drug, etc.

May 2

In 2022, I interviewed one of the founding members and drummer, Ryan Dusick, from Maroon 5. And Ryan’s accomplishments in beating skins and matching tempos and rhythms did not compare to what he was doing today. With his newfound sobriety, he has become a therapist and is committed to helping others find and enjoy recovery. He also wrote a book about his journey: "Harder to Breathe - A Memoir of Making Maroon 5, Losing It All, and Finding Recovery". Isn’t that better than playing drums in a rock band? I mean, isn’t it? How well he must sleep at night these days. Less anxiety, a lot less fucking vomit, no pain, just peace and a restful evening. Knowing he did his best to help others in the world do their best, too. That sounds like its own reward.

Reflections

What makes you happy? Where do you find your peace of mind?

Daily Challenge

Listen to the episode mentioned by searching for “harder to breathe sober pod.”

May 1

The 12 Steps of Recovery do not have a corner on the market of sobriety. There are many ways to get sober. You don’t need to work the 12 Steps, but you should be prepared to live sober. That’s where the 12 Steps help in that process. The 12 Steps borrowed, stole, regurgitated, and reconstituted the same principles that all well-balanced people have lived by since the dawn of time. There is nothing new in the “Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.” It contains nothing that hasn’t been published in all the other helpful books of the past. The principles of honesty, hope, faith, courage, integrity, willingness, humility, brotherly love, self-discipline, perseverance, spirituality, and service have been in place and practiced in various philosophies, faiths, and religions. The only thing that the 12 Steps and A.A. did differently is put it into a language that the addict/alcoholic could understand. The message came with compassion, proper depth, and weight.

Reflections

Have you ever read the “Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous”? Why not? What could it hurt?

Daily Challenge

Just read it: https://www.aa.org/the-big-book - For free!

April 30

Setbacks. Downfalls. Missed mortgage payments. Repossession and desperation. We know the extent of our disease, and it involves more than just feeling like shit all the time. We have creditors and bankruptcy behind us and ahead of us. We have our mother’s wedding ring that we pawned just to get a bottle or bag. We have real damage that can span a lifetime. Disheartening to look back, huh? Sure it is. Who wouldn’t be saddened by a life of fuckery and bullshit? But no matter how messed up it was, it can be overcome. Though it may never feel like it, you can start down the path of redemption. This is the classic story of “The Hero’s Journey,” and it’s the fabric of all good stories. You have refused the call to overcome these deficits a few times, but not this time. This time you can - and will - slay the dragon, bring back the gold, get the girl (or man, we don’t judge), and live. Happily ever after.

Reflections

Sobriety is not the end of the story; it’s just the beginning. How will the rest play out from here? Are you ready?

Daily Challenge

Write it out. What’s your journey so far? Write it down. The best is yet to come.

April 29

The “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous states (on page 52), “We were prey to misery and depression.” Some of us, thank God, can say this isn’t us. But for some of us, it’s the constant theme of our lives. It’s not that we asked for or welcomed it, but we are certain that we are cursed and that misery and depression follow us wherever we go. And some of us (like your illustrious author) relished the idea of being miserable. It was the perfect excuse: the all-encompassing reason to act the way I did, think the way I did - and it was the perfect reason to continue drinking the way I had been. “If you had my life, you’d drink too,” a lot of people exclaim. Some of us have even said those exact words. If you ask anyone with long-term recovery, they will tell you that it does get better and that you deserve to be happy.

Reflections

Do you believe that you deserve to be happy? Why not? Really?

Daily Challenge

If you are having trouble with depression, there is help.

Visit: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/suicide/suicide-prevention-hotlines-resources-worldwide

April 28

Action. Motherfucker. Action. You can sit around and talk about shit all you want, but if you are not willing to take action on the things that are in front of you, you are wasting your breath. How many times have you said you were going to do “X” (whatever “X” is), and you put it off or thought, “Maybe I can get to that tomorrow”? We procrastinate and put things off all the time. Some people have a nagging sense that something is not right as they get tired and feel worn out and put off making doctors’ appointments. Only to find later that if they had gone to the doctor months ago, they could have stopped their cancer from spreading. But now it’s too late. Most things we put off don’t have such dire consequences, but they greatly impact our daily lives.

Reflections

What are you putting off today that you should have done weeks or even months ago?

Daily Challenge

Start doing that shit! Motherfucker!

April 27

This may be shocking to you, but we all believe in some form of a Higher Power. Some of us put faith in the bottle, and some in the hands of God. Either way, we relied on a power outside of ourselves to guide our actions. For a time, it may have worked in our drinking and using, until it didn’t. As we approach our bottoms and survive the fall, we get asked to consider a new way of living; we are asked to define our personal relationship with God as we understand God. Some of us have such a hard time digesting this new idea. What does one do with this new dilemma? The only thing that is asked of us all is, to be honest, open-minded, and willing. That’s it. Don’t say anything to appease anyone else. This is the beauty of the gift of “spirituality.” We get to define our experience with that still small voice inside us and follow its guidance from faith to belief and beyond, with or without a deity.

Reflections

Are you enjoying your personal freedom to choose your own concept of a Higher Power?

Daily Challenge

Have you defined whom your God needs to be? Have you written it down? What characteristics does your God need to have today? Don’t worry. It’s just paper, not a stone tablet.

April 26

Patience is a virtue. What is a “virtue”? Glad you asked! Virtue is “behavior showing high moral standards.” And the next time you are waiting in line or have been put on hold, try not to lose your shit, would ya? It’s childish and shows a lack of empathy for the person who is trying to get to you. They could be new on the job. They could be distracted by their inner thoughts. Maybe they’re going through the loss of a pet or loved one. The point is, you can be a little less selfish and wait a little longer without calling the manager (fucking Kevins and Karens!) or making a scene. Try. Try to hold your tongue and just let it pass. And it does pass.

Reflections

How often have you lost your shit in traffic or waiting in line? As though it was all happening to you!

Daily Challenge

Today, if you have to wait, look for what else you can do in the meantime. What else can you use that time for?

April 25

Take a fucking break. Even God rested on the seventh day, for crying out loud! We tend to get so caught up in the “go, go, go” of life that we can forget to rest. We don’t need to be “going” all the time. When you were drinking and using, you probably sat for hours not doing anything and were perfectly fine with it, but, for some reason, now that your mind seems to be working (that statement needs evaluating), you act like someone is riding your back with a whip that snaps while he screams, “Yah, mule! Yah!” Stop for a second. Slow down. Breathe.

Reflections

When was the last time you did absolutely nothing? And planned to do it? What is the most nothing you have ever not done? (Ha! My own Yogi Berra statement!)

Daily Challenge

Plan a day this month to do absolutely nothing.

April 24

“It’s all about balance.” – That’s what my sponsor, John, would say to me when I put too much emphasis on one thing or another in my life. And something else would begin to suffer in my life. Sooner or later, my wife complained that I wasn’t spending enough time at home or that “We never go anywhere.” Or I was working too much. Etcetera. It’s partly why, at the end of our introductory lead-in statement, we used to say on Sober Pod, “Listen in moderation.” Because, as alcoholics and addicts, we tend to do everything full-bore (at maximum capacity). We are either all in or not in at all. And this is usually at the detriment of other important things like relationships, health, money, and many other things that desperately need our attention.

Reflections

Is your life about balance today? Do you seek balance in your life?

Daily Challenge

Take ten minutes to look at the day you have planned. Is it really balanced?

April 23

Have you ever tried a meditation app or service? These tools can be powerful and help your recovery in so many ways. From “Calm” to “Headspace” and even “Apple+.” All these apps have one thing in common. The results of meditation can vary from a sense of well-being to lessening depression, anxiety, pain, etc. Meditation has been at the heart of almost every new-age spirituality and major religion for thousands of years. There are different kinds of meditations, and each has its own benefits. Some people breathe deeply, and others just pause, contemplate and wait. No matter what the practice and what you choose, it is only that you start and continue that matters. Try it for a year and see if it changes your outlook or improves your recovery. What have you got to lose?

Reflections

What experiences have you had with meditation? Do you think it’s bullshit? Have you really tried meditation on a daily basis?

Daily Challenge

See above.

April 22

You hate going there. You totally do. Every year you debate whether you should or shouldn’t. You say to yourself, “It’s just one day. What can it hurt?” Well, it hurts you. Because, for whatever reason, you don’t like going to a friend, relative, annual engagement, or whatever. For whatever reason (and there really needs to be only one reason that you don’t want to), you don’t want to go. So, fucking don’t go. It really is that simple. Honestly, nobody will take away your birthday. And if the person/people are mad at you because of it, well fuck them (in a kind way, of course). It’s none of their business why you don’t feel like it or want to. You really don’t have to explain yourself to anybody. The person’s opinion that matters at the end of the day is your own.

Reflections

When was the last time you attended a function that you just wanted to leave? Why didn’t you?

Daily Challenge

Today, don’t attend anything you don’t want to attend. Exercise your personal freedom and autonomy.

April 21

We don’t shoot our wounded. This business of getting - and remaining - sober is fucking hard. Is it not? For some of us, it is the hardest thing we will ever do. The personal strife and confusion. The desire to drink and the desire not to drink can be terribly confusing. “Baffling,” even. Some of us get relief right away; for others, it can take months or longer. But it can and does happen. Some of us may feel cursed, even jealous, as we see people have the temptation lifted from them while we still struggle. If this is you, your path may be more challenging, but if you can stay the course, you will find the rewards are just that much sweeter.

Reflections

Is there something else I can do to ensure my recovery today? Am I doing all that I can?

Daily Challenge

Have you tried being of service today? Who can you help today? Even if just a little.

April 20

There is a story about a drunk who dropped his keys on the street. The drunk was looking for his keys in the dark after the bars had closed. A cop, sitting in his car as the rain drizzled down his window, watched the drunk crawl around on his hands and knees, looking for his keys. The cop noticed that the guy only crawled around underneath the area illuminated by the street light. The cop got curious about the drunk and went over to see if he could help. The officer approached the drunk and asked, “Why aren’t you trying to look in the dark areas where you can’t see?” The drunk looked up at the cop and answered, “Because there’s no light there!” The moral of the story? Look where you can’t see. Poke around a little. Look and feel for the sore spots and address those. Maybe you will find your keys. – get it! Knee slapper!

Reflections

Are you looking at just the illuminated areas? Have you tried to look into the darkness?

Daily Challenge

Have you been afraid to address the darker things? Maybe, today, it’s time to get professional help?

April 19

“Outer order, inner calm.” – Gretchen Rubin

Is your house in order? Not the metaphorical house, either! Your actual fucking home. What about your car or your office space/desk? Are those things in order? The physical space. It’s not surprising that if your surroundings are a fucking mess, then your inner life will be a mess, too. When we do a fourth Step in the Twelve Steps, it is also suggested we do a physical inventory. Cleaning closets, garages, and desks and organizing the rest can be very cathartic. Examining things that we also physically don’t want to carry anymore. Some of these things have memories attached to them, but do you really want to hold on to them (and the memories)?

Reflections

Are my surroundings out of order?

Daily Challenge

Well? Do you really need to be challenged to clean your home? Really? You’re such an alcoholic/addict. Get to work!

April 18

Sometimes, you feel it; sometimes, you don’t. That wonderful spirit moves through you, and you know in some strange way that everything will be okay. What a wonderful feeling that is! Then, without warning, it’s gone. You almost feel emptied of life, and it can be scary. Some of us seek other substances to fill that void, or we try to cover the fear and relapse. Riding out these ups and downs is a part of the process. The more you do it, the easier it gets. With each new experience, you discover that you can do it more and more, and you can more readily acknowledge that the feeling is fleeting. This takes practice and experience. Sometimes you just need to sit still until the ride comes to a complete stop. No matter how you feel, remember! You’re never alone. You will always have Sober Pod. That’s a lie! It may get deleted if we can’t pay the bills.

Reflections

No matter what happens today, you can go through it. If another human has done it, you can too.

Daily Challenge

What can you do to enliven your day today? What can you do to feel alive? (Legally, of course.).

April 17

Recovery is not all about concepts, ideas, or wordy books (or fucking podcasts). Most of it is about simple, actionable moments; just like being a good person is not about your intent to be a good person. Instead, you must do good things to be a good person. That is the same idea about recovery. It takes effort. What does that mean? Going to meetings, doing inventories, making amends, and helping others do the same. It doesn’t mean that we don’t fall short - we definitely do - but it means that we try. We make an attempt. Not a half-hearted attempt, either. We can’t do half the work and expect the full results. You will need to sacrifice some things to get the desired results.

Reflections

Are you doing your best? Are you doing things half-assed?

Daily Challenge

If you are in a recovery group, dust off those books, start again at page one, or get back to where you left off.

April 16

We learn from teaching. I never thought I believed any of this recovery shit until I got my first sponsee. We went over Step 1 and Step 2, and they got stuck on Step 3. I had to explain it to the person in great detail. I struggled a bit because it was now easy for me. I had to recall how hard it once was. This concept of a Higher Power - this life of not drinking or using - was all very foreign at one time. The more I had to explain, the more it hit me: “I actually fucking believe this shit”! It was only through trying to teach it to someone else that I understood what my actual thoughts were. I had not only developed faith, but I had also formed a reliable belief.

Reflections

If you have worked the Steps, do you have sponsees? If not, why not? Go get some.

Daily Challenge

Teaching others what you know is the best way to retain what you learned. Find someone to teach. Learn more.

April 15

You get 15 minutes today to feel sad. That’s it. Then you must carry on. You must go about your day with freedom and spontaneity, as though your life is going to last forever and act with the knowledge that it could all end tomorrow. When I was sad, my sponsor would tell me, “You get 15 minutes. That’s it!” And I knew exactly what he meant. You don’t get to live this life again; address the concern and let go. Move on the best way you can. Don’t let your mind take you down a dark road; don’t let it steal from you the valuable time you have in front of you. Remember, 15 minutes!

Reflections

When something makes you sad, do you wallow in it, or do you give it 15 minutes and move on?

Daily Challenge

Start a stopwatch the next time you are feeling sad. Cry, wail, scream into pillows. But stop when the timer stops. Carry on.

April 14

Living for others is great! It truly is a good thing, but it can be taken too far. If you derive your worth based on how someone else feels all the time, then you are fucking codependent. Don’t take it personally. That’s just the truth. Sometimes we really think that we should be rewarded for all the sacrifices we have made for others. Still, the fact that you now do shit that causes problems because of your needy dependence can make it unbearable for others and yourself. We can get pretty fucked up with how we respond to others. If you relate to any of this, you need way more help than just not drinking and using. Dig deeper.

Reflections

Has anyone ever said you were codependent?

Daily Challenge

Search on Google for: “codependent no more” and consider reading that book, too.

April 13

When we talk about powerlessness in recovery, we tend to ignore the other side of the concept: being powerful. Sure, you are powerless over alcohol and drugs. No shit! If you weren't, you wouldn’t be reading this book. But have you thought about what you have power over? We have so much potential that goes unused and unrealized in our lives as addicts and alcoholics. So much power is wasted. We have the power of choice today that we did not have in our active drinking and using. We have the power of rational thought - and actions to match. These things were never in our grasp at the lash of alcohol and drugs. Today, you can use your power in ways you never could, so get out there and score, dunk that goal, swing for the goalposts, hit a touchdown, or whatever.

Reflections

What power do you have today that you should be accessing but don’t? Why not?

Daily Challenge

Ask someone you love what is one thing you could do today to help improve their life.

April 12

Real situations expose fake people. No muttered words have ever been so true. When the going gets tough, the tough get going, and the cowards run for the fucking hills. Recovery, death, divorce, job loss, disease, health crisis, and cancer are all very real situations. You will find that your so-called friends won’t stick around through these phases of your life. They will fade away, one by one, and move on, as most can’t handle real shit. However, your real friends will remain, and you may find new ones in those situations. So, hold your head high and know that time takes time. And all those things listed above take their own time. Lean into each thing as it comes and look for those people who are still there when the dust settles. Those people really love you.

Reflections

Who do you consider your real friends?

Daily Challenge

Today, look for people who have helped you when nobody else would. How can you show them gratitude today?

April 11

Isn’t it funny? We tend to fight the need to live by other people’s suggestions for our lives. Somehow we think we have all the answers even when asking for someone else’s help. For some reason, our egos can’t stand the thought that we don’t have the answer. Our pride and disease ("ego” & “ISM”) keep us from receiving the help we need. Albert Einstein said, “Problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them.” So, we must find a new mindset from an outside source. This is, of course, easier said than done. But it must be done if we are going to find a new way to live. Doing it “our way” has not worked, and we must admit to that if we are going to change. No matter how smart or resourceful you are or have been, this is bigger than you. If it wasn’t, you would have found a way to overcome it on your own already. Do yourself the biggest favor: surrender.

Reflections

Do you know what you need to do? If you still have the answers, then you probably aren’t ready to listen to someone else.

Daily Challenge

You can “Rage Against the Machine” all you want, but maybe, today, you can do what they tell you.

April 10

Do you really care about what people think of you? Don’t we all? But do we fucking care so much that we will suffer in silence because of it? When we get sober, some of us need to find our True Self and can barely stomach the thought of showing who we really are to others. We hold our tongues, bite our lips, and don’t dare share our points of view or opinions for fear of offending someone or, God forbid, not being liked or accepted. It can become its own prison of isolation; a self-imposed exile from a world we truly want to be a part of but can’t. Trust this: there will be people who will not like/accept you no matter what you say or do. The only person you have to be okay with is yourself. We are not the right flavor for everyone’s taste. Some like it sweet, others salty, and some like both. Be yourself, and don’t worry about other people’s opinions. In the end, the people who will be attracted to you will be worth the wait.

Reflections

Do you have trouble making friends? Why is that?

Daily Challenge

Join a group or club. Wonder where you could do that? Hmm… I wonder.

April 9

You have been through a lot of shit, which sucks, but it doesn’t have to be like it was before. The past does not have to define you, but it can be utilized for good purposes. You have come a long way and suffered long enough. Take the worst of your assets and convert them to a new currency. Who better to help reform a thief than a thief? You know where the mines are buried in the addiction/alcoholic minefield and can safely guide others passed them with words of encouragement and warning. Have you ever thought about how valuable your experience truly is? People pay thousands of dollars for rehab, and when they come out, they tell them to find other ex-addicts and ex-alcoholics to meet up with. If you were helped out of addiction, chances are that it was from the hand of another person who knew what you were going through. Isn’t it time you returned the favor?

Reflections

Do you make yourself available to other addicts and alcoholics?

Daily Challenge

Reach out today. Text someone you know who is also not drinking/drugging anymore.

April 8

What is holding you back today? What other things are there in your life besides alcohol and drugs that have pinned you down and taken you out of life? For some of us, it’s sex, shopping, social media, doom scrolling, browsing, phones, games, and any number of other process addictions. We don’t see it at first, but when it takes hold, it really takes us. You know who you are - by the way, we know who you are, too. You can’t get your face out of the fucking screen, or you are always complaining about bills, but you run out to the mall and bring home bags of new clothes only to return them a week later. These behaviors literally change your brain. Though society has encouraged our participation and made it socially acceptable to participate in these behaviors to a certain degree, we don’t have to accept it in ourselves. Today, we have the power to choose to live differently.

Reflections

Do you have the power to choose a different way to live today?

Daily Challenge

What is one thing you can stop doing today that will improve your life for the better?

April 7 - Buy the book!

Do you evangelize recovery? Is that all you can talk about? When the subject comes up, do you rail on about how fucking awesome it is? Do you put on a “holier than thou” attitude? First, don’t do that. Be a fucking human being and consider the circumstances. Nobody likes to be preached at. And nobody likes a braggart. It may be the best thing you have ever done, but let your actions speak for the fruits of recovery, not your words. The fact is people have heard your words (or your bullshit) for long enough. Focus on being an example of recovery and not an evangelist. We know what you’re thinking, “This! Coming from someone who gets on a microphone every week! Ha!” This may be true, but we make a reasonable effort to remain anonymous and live by our words #theother23 hours of the day.

Reflections

Do you preach about recovery, or do you talk about it? What’s the difference?

Daily Challenge

Take some time today to listen to a speaker on the Sober Cast podcast. Do they preach or share?

April 6 - Buy the book!

“Life on life’s terms.” What the fuck does that mean? When we live our lives on “our terms,” as we did during our drinking and drugging careers, we are always at odds with ourselves and others. Really, we are at odds with life. Our desires are so overinflated that they cause us to kick and scream when we don’t get our way. Or we struggle as we manipulate more and more to get what we desire. Eventually, we hurt ourselves and others as we continue to try and live life on “our terms.” Life has its ups and downs and its twists and turns. Rolling with that is our task in day-to-day life. Coming to terms with what we can and cannot control (see Serenity Prayer) is a personal responsibility that we must emphasize in our thinking and our lives. Living life on life’s terms involves evaluating our thoughts and desires and what we truly have control over in our lives.

Reflections

Are you living life on life’s terms? What desires do you have that are overinflated and cause you trouble?

Daily Challenge

Do you have a particular problem that has gone unaddressed? Have you tried to share that problem with a friend or sponsor? If you haven’t, try it today.

April 5 - Buy the book!

“You don’t have a mantra? Oh, you’ve got to get a mantra,” says the dude I just met on the sidewalk after an A.A. meeting. He looks crazy as all fuck. He wears an odd hat and has ‘80s dolphin shorts on, but nothing matches. He looks like a fool. I pay the “mantra talk” no mind. Years later, I am listening to a guy that I totally respect. He is an established writer and cares for his family. He is a deep thinker with actions to match his thoughts. He has integrity, and I admire that. One day, he is talking about creating a mantra for himself, and he has three tattoos on his body of these mantras. These mantras are statements he lives by, and when circumstances arise that apply to the situation, he recites these mantras. He suggests that I create a mantra for myself, too. Says it helps to keep him focused when circumstances arise. Here are some examples of mantras: “I deserve joy and happiness”; “My body is a temple”; "I am a work in progress, and I evolve every day"; “I am worthy of love without being perfect"; “One day at a time.” The idea is that they are short and personal, and realistic to achieve. What is mine? I am still thinking about why I judged the guy with the funny hat.

Reflections

What are your mantras?

Daily Challenge

Oh, you’ve got to get a mantra! Create one.

April 4 - Buy the Book!

We talk a lot about acceptance in recovery. We try to understand it as best we can. We talk about it constantly in meetings and amongst ourselves. It can be such a key to getting along in this crazy world. If we are lucky, we can see that it’s ourselves who need to change and not the other person or situation, but sometimes we don’t see it until it is pointed out to us. That’s the normal level of acceptance. The kind of acceptance on page 417 of the Big Book. But have you ever tried RADICAL ACCEPTANCE? No? Oh, you’re gonna love this… The next time you are stuck in traffic, try to think of the things you can do instead. Listen to podcasts or call someone you haven’t heard from in a while. Lost your job? Immediately look for ways to improve your skills by enrolling in some training courses now that you have more time. Lost a relationship? Now there is more time to work on yourself! Radical acceptance is when you can take the negative turns in your life and turn them into positive ones again and again.

Reflections

Do you tend to dwell on the negative? When bad things happen, how do you handle them?

Daily Challenge

The next time something bad happens, look for the benefit.